A look at the Battle of Agincourt from theFrench point of view.
An historical Romance concerning a young knight Roland de Bascal who finds himself in the Battle of Agincourt.
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fiction, historical, romance
on 2 bookshelves
on 3 watchlists
11 comments
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Chevalier.The heroic narrative voice balances ‘old’ and ‘new’ language that maintains the spirit of the times without being musty. Character development emerges through flashback, the transitions of which are painless. The sensory images are well chosen and worked out, and the scenes convincing. You might want to reduce the length of the introductory part and shift the rest to the end in order to focus on story and characters, and perhaps think of heroic falls to focus on the tragic aspects of Ashencourt, an artistic choice best left to you. There is a strong reading constituency that welcomes historical fiction or history itself from the viewpoint of the losers that requires writers with courage and commitment.I’m sure you’ll look into the formatting and occasional grammar. If you edit and upload again, do it in bits and pieces so you don’t lose your backing. I think you need to use the edit command, but I’m not sure! Backed for courage and commitment.Azam Gill “Blasphemy!”
You've got some tough competition with this subject matter which might give you pause. The criticisms are legit. The subject in and of itself is fascinating, the point of view is different and there is potential for a good read, if not publication.Good luck with it.mch
Hi again, just realised that I have read all that is here - which re-inforces my feeling that you should split it. - The major sections could easily be chs in their own right.Margaret
Hi, I've read through the first chapter here and have a few comments which I hope wl be useful.Your opening is very effective - the language strong and convincing, painting a clear picture of the time / scene setting. Roland also is an engaging mc, who interests me.Some sentences stood out as particularly effective - 'bloody, brief clash, somewhere out ahead in the greyness...' / 'And a cart, newly painted, to take the English king as a prisoner to Paris.' - Loved it.If I could make a couple of suggestions - get rid of the exclamation marks - they (almost )always weaken writing and give an amateurish impression , which is not appropriate to your writing.I do feel however that this ch is too long, both for ease of reading and retaining readers attention. and in the content itself. It does become a little heavy going and would benefit from being split up and also from a 'prune'. I'm not sure that you need to have as much of the battle to carry the story. The one other feeling I had was that there was too much jumping backwards and forwards in time in he early section, which made the story a little disjointed. These are of course only my opinion and need to be weighed against others, but I hope they will be useful.As I said Roland is an engaging mc and I hope you do wll with this. I am putting you on my watchlist just now, so that I can read more when time permits.Margaret (Munro's Choice - also HF, but set in 16th c Scotland.)
I haven't read the whole of the first chapter, as it's rather long, but i've read enough to know i'm more than happy to back it, and i shall be back for the rest! I only took one note as i read, i got too engrossed! Anyway, it was:I have to admit, when i first saw the introduction, my heart sank slightly, but it's very good. You give the necessary historical pre-battle detail smoothly and engagingly, and i enjoyed it. However, i was keen to read the book, you might want to beware of putting readers off...I can't think of much to say really. It's very polished, and more than readable. I very much enjoyed it. You start filling in your main character's back story in a satisfyingly clear way. I'm certainly backing this one!If you were able to have a peep at 'Witch Child', especially before the end of the month, it would be much appreciated. The title is actually going to be changed, since it gives the wrong impression; the protagonist is not a witch!
Oh, Bill...What a pleasant surprise! Your decision to introduce your book with a historical note is a minor disaster and the cover is not right, but once I got to Roland, a miracle happened. The voice is magnificent, authentic and strong. It held me firmly in its grip and I wanted to follow Roland into the mist, be it even full of dangerous armed people looking for blood. In a few sentences, you summed up Boucicault. In two or three paragraphs, you summed up your main character's childhood - made me see it, feel it, feel how it slips away in the face of dangerous adulthood. You have a manner of introducing people that is both intimate and captivating.I wonder if later on you will find some (hopefully kind) words for my favourite participant of that battle, Charles d'Orleans, but even if not - you managed to capture me already. I usually do not put a book on my virtual bookshelf before reading at least 2 chapters, but I bookshelved yours much quicker. Good luck with it, and do get a proper cover design. I can try to make one for you, out of sheer enthusiasm. Let me know if you are interested.
Hello Bill. Having recently read 'Moon Stand Still', which I thoroughly enjoyed, I was very pleased to see that you had 'appeared' on Authonomy. I have made a start with 'Chevalier' and, as expected, I am enjoying your knowledge of history (and people), your rich descriptions and your gift for storytelling. Whilst I may not understand all of your references to weaponry and Italian thingybobs etc, it has not in the least spoilt my enjoyment. Even the terms I am not familiar with I feel I wouldn't be without, as they add to the atmosphere and authenticity. I will read on and comment further as I get to know Roland and his story a bit more.
I was in the process of writing that it is about time that a book on this period was written from the French POV and remembering the last book on this period was Bernard Cornwell's when I discovered that his 2008 book is 'Azincourt'. Point and counter-point!!As you've neatly captured the main elements of this genre - all it seems to me the tale needs is 'the villain'.
May I start by expressing my admiration for your in-depth knowledge of your subject. Where you intend to go with this I'm uncertain; you have told the tale well, apparently completely, at less than 20,000 words. It has the framework of a really great novel, but to qualify for that descriptor I believe it has to grow. Grow to something in excess of say 50,000 - 60,000 words. Is that your intention? The story is rich in detail, of the apparel, accoutrements, customs and practices of the knights/chevaliers; I wonder if perhaps there is just a little too much for some readers. Roland is entirely plausible, and with development would become a fascinating character. You have some wonderful phrasing in here and I suspect, much more to offer. I wish you the very best of luck and hope you enjoy your experience on Authonomy. Best MHM
Hello Bill and welcome to the amazing world of Authonomy. Having just read your 'author's note' and introduction, you are now responsible for ruthless leapfrogging of my own watchlist. More when I've read. Regards. MHM
Hello Howard, Sorry about that. I'm stumbling around the system at the moment. Not quite sure how it goes.'Chevalier' is very unpolished but I've had fun writing it.