Book Jacket

 

rank 5456
word count 17399
date submitted 03.12.2008
date updated 27.06.2011
genres: Science Fiction, Fantasy, Young Adu...
classification: moderate
incomplete

Peter's Fall

Simeon Polis

No matter how dangerous your career choice, you never really know how far wrong things can go until they do.

 

Peter Ringgold is a pirate, an extremely bored pirate who has done nothing even remotely piratical for a week and is getting sick of floating aimlessly through the sky. When he catches sight of a huge, seemingly defenseless merchant airship he thinks his problems are over, but things are entirely the opposite of what they seem. What he and his crew find is as shocking as it is deadly, and seems likely to herald a whole new era of warfare, as well as the end of nearly everything Peter knows and cares about. Left the sole survivor of his crew, on a crashed ship stranded in the middle of rural Wales, and with a distinct and disturbing sense of having been left there for a reason, he must get airborne again and discover the reason behind everything that has happened to him so far, whilst attempting to survive all the new things that await him along the way. But if he has been spared for a reason, that reason isn't likely to go away, and the bizarre automatons that haunt his dreams are still out there somewhere, going about whatever business his crew so unwisely interrupted.

 
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tags

airship, comic, dark, fantasy, pirates, steampunk, victorian

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6 comments

 

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BJ Otto wrote 782 days ago

Well, I am enjoying this one. A very distinct writing style, and although 'thoughtful' I feel you set the scene well and drew the reader in with just enough information. Like the story alot so far. The potential is definitely here. Backed.

H. Rand wrote 1023 days ago

This is well written and enjoyable, will read more. Keep on with it. H

Armen Chakmakjian wrote 1125 days ago

This is quite good and the sword felt real. I've gotten a lot of feedback here than explaining stuff rather than having the characters explain it through their thoughts and dialogue with others is more generally appealing, but that seems to be the slant of the writers/readers here. I offer that to you not as a criticism, but more as another pov. I actually like books that explain things to me (and of course that's I wrote my book).

This was written well enough that I'm going to back you and get you up the chain a few. Good Luck with your work.

Amber J wrote 1263 days ago

For Chapter 1:

This has a lot of potential and there is some very good writing here. My biggest problem was there was a lot of description, a lot of telling and not enough showing. I'd love to see the scene start with Peter seeing something right away and a lot more rush as he is waking the crew up. I want to get to know Peter more since he's the main character. I love the idea of a sky pirate and that he's a shooter. Focus on that and give us other details about their everyday flying routines in small doses.

There could have been a bit more dialogue in here to pick up the pace. There were some really great pieces of writing like "needed rectifying immediately, if not sooner" and "if they wanted pirates". I'd just cut a lot of the explaining out and really show us. I loved the idea about how middle and upper class people became pirates and if Peter was one of them, then tell us about him specifically.

Like I mentioned before, there are wonderful ideas here and I'd just like to see a lot more action! Good luck!

Brett wrote 1268 days ago

Interesting concept, very unique. I think I'll add this to my watchlist and keep tabs on your progress.

Susie H wrote 1268 days ago


Sounds good Simeon. I'm A bit slow but I will get around to reading/commenting.

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