The Fear of Cats

Hi, Desiree. I've just started reading your book. I like the brisk, humorous style and the more complicated storylines hinted at between Clyde and Emily and Clyde and Angela. And now you've hooked me by announcing a murder. Nosy is fun, and i'm not sure how the fear of cats is going to figure in, but it's shaping up to be a fun read. I'll keep going!

Elizabeth (The Made-Up Man)

I read your first three chapters.

General comments: This ia a strong, convincing opening with plenty of tension and compelling pacing. Clyde is a well-rounded, dynamic character. Great humor.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) She cleared her throat, "We're in public." Period after 'throat.' The only time a narrative sentence that procedes dialogue is punctuated with a comma is when the narrative sentence is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). Since this is clearly not the case with this narrative sentence it should be punctuated with a period.
2) "Sorry." I mumbled. Comma after 'sorry.' 'I mumbled' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma (unless it's a question or an exclamation).
3) ' ... and made sure that I had everything, my cell phone, glock and badge.' Capitalize 'glock.'
4) 'Angela sped off in her crappy 1996 Honda accord that ... ' Capitalize 'accord.'

Specific comments on the second chapter:
1) "Just tell me what you did when you went inside the house," I posed my pen pen above the paper. Period after 'house.' The only time the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma is when the narrative sentence following it is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). Since this narrative sentence is clearly not a dialogue tag, the last sentence of dialogue should be punctuated with a period.
2) 'Jay was talking to a woman that had showed up outside of the yellow tape ... ' 'That' should be 'who.' Use 'who' for people.
3) Hyphenate 'part time'.
4) Kyle yawned, "Are those the only witnesses we could find?" Period after 'yawned.' The only time a narrative sentence that precedes dailogue is punctuated with a comma is when the narrative sentence is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). Since 'Kyle yawned' is not a dialogue tag, it should be punctuated with a period. There is another case of the same type of problem in this chapter.
5) ' ... murder was becoming more and more common in our small two.' 'Two' should be 'town.'
6) Hyphenate 'six foot five.'
7) "Shot at close range." I added. Comma after 'range.' 'I added' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma (unless it's a question or exclamation).
8) ' ... and grabbed my kit, brining it back to Jacinda.' 'Brining' should be 'bringing.'

Specific comments on the third chapter:
1) 'He paid her her a fair price.' Remove one of the 'hers.'
2) He shook his head, "I just talk to Leah maybe ... " Period after 'head.' As mentioned above, the only time a narrative sentence that precedes dialogue is punctuated with a comma is when the narrative sentence is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). Since this narrative sentence isn't a dialogue tag, it should be punctuated with a period.
3) ' ... and officers that were on duty were out on patrol.' 'That' should be 'who.' Use 'who' for people.
4) "I've called her manger at the grocery store." 'Manger' should be 'manager.'

I hope these comments help you further polish your all important opening chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Would you please take a look at "Savannah Oak" and let me know how I might improve it?

Have a marvelous day, Desiree.

Al

The fear of Cats is addictive. I kept coming back and dip in here and there

Hi Desiree,
I came across your book & thought to give it a read, I've only read the first chapter so here's my feedback on that.
I like the title but couldn't possibly tell after only one chapter if it is the correct choice - so I'll come back to that after I've read more. I like the first part of the pitch, but think the second needs some work. The first part of chapter one isn't very intriguing but once Clyde is reunited with his dog & the conversations afterwards really had me interested. You write well and I think all of the dialogue is believable.
I will leave more feedback as I read on.

This is just my opinion, I hope it is of some help.

R.Swain
'The Catchers'

You balance the humor and dialogue well in this intriguing story. I can't wait to read and review further. It's a fun read so far.

I agree the pitch needs "working the murder". But that's minor to the great story.--JL "The Devil Of black Bayou"

This make delightful reading.

you're a master of fun and entertainment

Hi Desiree,
I am here as part of our reader swap.
First, I appreciate the big type. It is easy for tired eyes to read. Thank you.
In the Long Pitch: I would change "working murder" to "working the murder"
Your story itself is funny and entertaining. I really mean that. With some more fine-tuning, I could easily envision this in print with a major publisher.
"Silky fur shinny" -- shouldn't that be "shiny"?
Put a space between "Missed you" and "Her lips tightened" -- Also, it's not clear to me who said, "Missed you."
In a few places, it is not clear who is speaking. Do not be afraid to use "he said/she said" or attach the line of dialogue to the speaking person's staging. For example, attach "How close are we to getting those implants?" to the previous paragraph describing Clyde's wife. This will help you better show attribution.
Instead of saying "Derek Hyde's, the Chief of Police ..." say "Chief of Police Derek Hyde's ....
What are flips fops--is that a misspelling?
By "posed my pen" did you mean "poised my pen"? -- you may want a second opinion on this.
"woman that had showed up" should say "woman who had showed up"
"Kyle" is usually a boy's name, isn't it? Maybe spell it "Kylie"?
Not clear what the relationship between Leah and Rebecca is. Didn't Leah's mother just die? Need to tell us who the daughter is getting into the truck with? An aunt? A friend?
No apostrophe needed in "EMTs" unless you want to show possession.
Why no details from the murder scene? Is there blood? Was it a clean poisoning? The cops are outside but not talking about the victim via their thoughts or words and that is bugging me as a reader.
Overall, very excellent. Like I said, it's funny characters with funny phobias, cute funny animals, and very strong dialogue.
Highly starred,
Dean

Hello Desiree,
Sorry it has taken a while to get here, but here I am!
I have read to the end of chapter 5, and will certainly be finding the time to read more later on.
I am not sure what I really expected when I started reading Fear of Cats, despite reading your hook. Which is, incidentally, very good! What I found was a wonderfully funny narrative. If I did stop laughing at all through the first chapter, I was still smiling. This just flows with great dialogue and vivid descriptions. I particularly like Clyde, the MC, but have yet to understand his fear of cats. The plot itself sounds intriguing.

Just a couple of things I noticed:
Chapter 1: 'I got to the Donald’s and their dogs were prancing about in their yard, silky, fur, shinny'. - I think this should be either shining or shiny (with one ‘n’), and the commas don’t seem quite right!

Chapter 2: ‘tweddle-dumb’. I really don’t know what this means, unless it is taken from Lewis Carroll’s Through the Looking Glass, in which case it should be spelt, Tweedledum. If the dumb bit is intentional, I still think it should be spelt as Tweedle, not tweddle!

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. It is funny, easy to read and very original. I have given lots of stars. Well done!
Amelia
Mungai and the Goa Constrictor

Hi Desiree,
here for our reading swap, thanks again for your help with 'Mr Unusually's Circus of Dreams'.
I love this. It's original, funny and quirky (need I say any more!?!) Just the sort of thing I like and which would go down well in book groups etc. which are so very popular in the UK at the moment.
Wish I had more shelf space, but I will definitely bear you in mind next time I have a reshuffle. 5 stars for now.

There's a nice amount of detail and a good balance between dialogue, feelings/thoughts and description.
You write with confidence and ease and I love the pet+crime storylines. Your writing feels very open and honest and not pretentious which makes it flow very well.
Pet+Crime (you've invented a new genre!) is a lovely meld which I'm sure will work well throughout the whole book. It feels as if you know both well, there is no bluffing here!
All the best with this. Very inventive. Love the cover too.
Sharda.

Hi Desiree,
Can't believe it but I'm at chapter 10 already! You have a good easy to read style and and the story flows well. I thought at one time you had the title wrong but I can see by chapter 10 (there are a couple of typos at para 5 and 6 - shot to shoot and whispers to whiskers, if that helps) Clyde does not like cats. But then I'm not sure Angela likes pit bulls! Keep at it, I have put you on my shelf. Regards Michael.

Hi Desiree,
I really like your book - I think Clyde is a good character and have lots of unanswered questions going around in my head - why does he think cats are evil? What's going on with him and Angela? Will he pay for her implants?(!!) And why does he run around after a pit-pull?
I was thoroughly entertained, and that was even before a body turned up. Great use of humour in all the right places and very well-written.
Melissa
Lessons in the Dark

i liked this, will star it well, read the first four chapters, hitting the other beat here as in off beat, there's a detective, but he doesn't drink too much and punch guys in the head, he is having an affair, but it doens't seem to be such a big deal, he follows police procedure, but he doen't really follow it well at times, and he's scared of cats and lives on an island, so much of clyde remains under the surface, at least at the beginning here, so why clyde unravels the murder mystery i suspect he too will be learning more about himself, the self afraid of cats and dedicated to an impossible dog, so the mystery is two fold i think here, who is the murderer and who is clyde, i think this piece calls for a reader who is familiar with formula yet happy to swerve away from it at times

Read the first chapter; great job on the dialogue, and I really like your style. It flows very nicely. Definitely gonna read on :)

Dear Desiree

I have read four chapters of "The Fear of Cats" and I really like it. Why? Well, there are lots of reasons....

Your MC is a man. yet you are a woman. Writing in the skin of a different sex is difficult to pull off, yet you manage it, keeping your writing understated and straight to achieve just the right effect. The strong thread of dark humour running through the story adds an extra touch of realism which I like very much. My favourite is: "How was work?
"We had a murder"
"You know I don 't like to talk about it." Just right.

Your writing is clear, confident and easy to read. Knowing that, I can just relax and enjoy the story. It repays careful reading.

Thanks for this. I rate it highly and will try to find room on my WL.

All the best

Fran Macilvey xx :)

Hi Desiree, thanks for commenting on La Vie en Rosé. I realise, looking back, that I've already commented on the first few chapters of your book so I've taken a look at some of the later ones.

You write so well; funny, engaging and clever. The description of the panic attack when Clyde comes home was priceless. There are some great moments in both chapters and I will continue to read on when I have some time.

Highly starred and on my watchlist for future backing.

Melanie
La Vie en Rosé

Hey,

Just getting back to you about chapters 3 & 4.

I can't make my mind up about chapter three. I like the pace but I feel like I'm not falling into a plot. Maybe that's intentional but so far I've got no 'the plot thickens' moment. So would I keep reading? I dunno, but I really liked chapter 4.

Again, in terms of what a man would do, I can't imagine a male cop recoiling so badly over a black eye, however badly swollen. Especially one who has dealt with murder cases.

Towards the end of chapter three the MC puts his head on the desk. This was the first time I really felt like I liked the guy. I feel like the fear of cats that he has, rather than being a funny quirk that I could identify with seemed kinda laboured, but the putting his head on the desk makes the character just a bit more quirky, a bit more interesting than your straightforward male cop.


Also at the end of chapter 3: "I don't think that (SHE) went out to party at the bars." I think the missing word is important right there.

Ty's dialogue is GREAT!

Oh, and one technical thing, I dunno if I'd be inclined to use a leather leash with a pitbull.

So far, I'm really liking this. I'm really sorry I'm not much use!!

Hi!
Just read the first chapter and I absolutely loved it. Without a doubt one of the funniest stories I've read on this site. Angela and Clyde are such an odd pairing and I love every scene where they're interacting with each other. The story so far has a very 80's sitcom vibe to it (it could just be me though.) Anyways, I enjoyed the chapter and I'll definitely keep reading.

Highly starred and on my watchlist! :)

A really imaginative story which I'm sure will do well here. It's very entertaining and had me laughing out loud. I liked it so much I have littered it with stars.

This is an enjoyable read. I love the beginning. The characters are very real. When I have read more I will comment further.

I am enjoying the book. You have some really good lines. I shall use 'Against toothbrushes' on someone if the need arises. I think the humour works well and the on going joke that he has a soppy pit bull but is scared of cats. It's a nice joke that the stroppy 14 year old's threat is 'I want a kitten for my birthday'. Slight reservations about the first chapter particularly I am not sure that it reads like a man talking. Also noticed a typo in ch. 5 shirked instead of shrieked - not that that matters much.

This is my second review of this story. Read the first chapter a couple of weeks ago, found it entertaining, did a quick comment and said I’d come back to read more ... so here I am. Have just read four more chapters. As with your first chapter, I’m won’t nitpick typos. I assume you’ll find them yourself in editing.

Your writing is still entertaining with a great deal of character interaction. A lot of internal dialogue going on with your main character Clyde in whatever situation he’s in... BUT there were no real moments of introspection that gives us any sense of who he is from within — or his relationship with anyone in his life. His nephew, Ty, for instance. Clyde tells us Ty looks like no one in the family, but we aren’t told *who* Ty is or the kind of relationship Clyde has with him. The same with Jasper. Clyde finds him in bed with his face all beaten up, yet we get no insight on Clyde’s reaction, such as whether Jasper is the type of kid to bring this on himself. These are lost golden opportunities to show us who Clyde is through the people in his life. At this point Clyde is feeling distinctly like a cardboard cutout.

Chapter Five shows us more of what it’s like for Clyde walking Nosy, a picture of the neighbourhood at night, but still no insight into who Clyde his. No impressions of his thoughts and feelings – either on his life, his marriage, or on being a police detective. Nothing. He walks in on his sister-in-law and her lover having sex, and again no discernable reaction from him... or from them. (I almost get the feeling you’re afraid or uncomfortable writing about emotions.) Focus less on the physical environment and give us a picture of WHO all these people are through Clyde’s eyes. Clyde has a conversation with Diane in the kitchen and we get no hint of his mood, whether he’s frustrated, angry, annoyed, bored—until he leaves the house and we know he wants to punch someone. Bring that kitchen conversation to life with tags that give it colour, intensity, character. Even the briefest, well-chosen tags will do wonders giving breadth and dimension to your dialogue.

Storytelling has to be more than painting a picture of environment, movement and dialogue. There needs to be a sense of character development in your main character (at least), yet I knew no more about Clyde as a person by the end of Chapter Five than I knew when Chapter One ended. In that respect the writing has more a feel for the YA market where perhaps storytelling can get away with being more on the surface and character development isn’t really tapped.

Your writing strengths are your humour and your dialogue. Consider adding tags around more of your dialogue that gives it mood appropriate to the situation. As it is, Clyde came off the same whether he was talking to his wife, a colleague or interviewing a witness. Made no sense.

The plus side ... you’re nineteen. A long road ahead for improvement. Focus on character development through internal thoughts as well as adding depth to your characters’ interaction and reactions. Possibly this is something you can’t rush and will only come to your writing as you mature. Perhaps you also need to widen the scope of your reading?

Or maybe I’ve got it all wrong. I honestly don’t read enough of this ‘surface’ type of writing to know if has a big market. It could be hugely popular for all I know. I read all earthly genres but am used to reading books where one gets insight into the main characters thoughts and feelings and gets to know them intimately as the story develops.

You have a talent for writing, you just need to work on character development.

Hi,

Bit of a forest comment here on your first three chapters. You're a better writer than I am so I won't comment on that. But, on the first three chapters this feels like it's a woman writing as a man. I particularly got hit by that notion on two points;

the first is the set up of the two women, the wife and the mistress. So far, I know the mistress has bigger boobs and the presentation of this, particularly when we hear about the wife stuffing her bra, seems to be used to illicit contempt or something in the wife. So far, I just pity the wife and I don't particularly like the husband for describing her in this way. I don't know of any men who would judge a woman on this, and I don't know of any men who would be so bitchy about it.

Second, the contrast in the description of the wife's clothes versus her car. Totally the opposite to how a man would describe it.

I'm also a bit confused. It starts like a children's book until the MC says fuck. What is his issue with cats? I'm not sure I can just accept 'cats are bad' and that's that. If he mentioned early on that he had a good reason, something from his past, or some secret knowledge, I'd be interested to follow this story to see what it was. But right now, I've gotten the answer already 'they're just evil, okay'. Which makes him crazy, weak, or 'hysterical'.

On the plus side, I love the pace of this piece. I wish I could write with similar pace so I'll be trying to take some of that from your work for sure.

I'll try read more later, but that's just my two cents on this. Thanks for the read though.

Hi, Desiree. A couple comments on chapter eight for you...

When your MC is looking for files on James Moore, what about saying the "cluttered storage room" instead of the "stuffed storage room." ??? I think of "stuffed" more as meaning someone BEING stuffed, not so much a room being stuffed.

Instead of "dust lifted from the box," what about something like, "dust invaded my nostils." ??

"Jay had gotten back... had written a report on it." I'm not sure why that paragraph is there. Does this interrupt your MC searching through the files? Does he see Jay? Since your book is from first person perspective, this seems like you are filling us in on another plot point. I'd either remove this paragraph, reword it, or move it to another part of the chapter, i.e. when Jay sticks his head in.

"How's it going?"
"Okay." <--- I'd add something there about him coughing or clearing the dust in his throat.

"doughnut off the table and took a bit." You mean 'bite'.

"white powder on front of my shirt. I wiped at it and it spread." ... What about, "white powder on my shirt. I wiped at it, but it only spread." I like the "You've got to flick, not rub" line.

"Once inside I pulled out my cellphone." Comma after 'inside'.

And that's it.

Shaun Holt
"Waiting for the Rain" / "German Derelict"

Greetings. I just took a gander at your first chapter. You've got a solid handle on writing for this genre. You launch the story with action and conflict, and make your characters interesting. I think this should do well!
Best of luck!
Tod Schneider
The Lost Wink
ps -- I did catch a couple of typos:
you refer to a bear mulling. I think you meant mauling.
and you left out the word "see" in the sentence I could __ bits of something

Desiree, this is an easy read in a style that I think plenty of people will enjoy - and I think plenty of people will also relate to the scene at the beginning between the pair. Just a couple of things -
"I stood there for a minute, breathing and counting" - it isn't clear why he does this. Also, be careful of repetition - the smell of griddled food - maybe start the next sentence simply with "it" - "it hung in the air"..Hope that's helpful, if not please feel free to ignore!

Hi Desirée, I've only had time to read a couple of chapters but I really enjoyed it. A good, quirky detective story with some great characters and I'm looking forward to coming back to read some more. I love your pitch too, brilliant! I noticed a couple of small typos but we all have those and they are easily fixed. Highly starred and I hope it does really well for you.

Best wishes
Melanie
La Vie en Rose

Hi Desiree, here are a few comments on chapter six of “The Fear of Cats.”

Something I just noticed, paragraph fourteen I think… “Where have you been?” She repeated…. “She” actually doesn’t have to be capitalized here. I know it’s weird leaving something lowercase, especially when just a moment before, you use a question mark… But I’ve checked a few books to see how they style it, and they leave it lowercase…. So it should be: “Where have you been?” she repeated. Very small issue though.

“She was looking so close at my neck her nose was squished against it.” I’d consider putting a comma after ‘neck.’

“I didn’t tell her that though, she wouldn’t have believed me anyway, or would have hated me more for it.” What do you think about perhaps hyphenating that sentence? “I didn’t tell her that though – she wouldn’t have believed me anyway, or would have hated me more for it.”

Smiling I said, “I will.” – Comma after ‘smiling.’

“I swear to god, Clyde.” I’d say God should be capitalized here.

“You’ve reached Yolanda,” like such a voice could be mistaken for another’s – I’d change ‘like’ to ‘as if’, and you forgot to put a period after “another’s.”

Saying, loud enough so that Angela was sure to hear I gave her my name... – What about, “Speaking loud enough so that Angela was sure to hear, I gave her my name…”

If looks could kill I would have been dead then. – I’d put a comma after ‘kill.’

Chapter seven!

First paragraph – “It felt somewhat better for somewhat more than a second…” I’d take out a ‘somewhat’, or perhaps replace it with another word. The first ‘somewhat’ is probably the most expendable.

“…turning in my chair to face him “nice of you to join us.” I’d put a period after ‘him’, and capitalize ‘nice.’

“Get anything?” He asked. – Leave ‘he’ lowercase.

“Detective Jay Lewis, this is my partner Clyde Faurie.” – Comma after ‘partner.’

“Jillian Moore, it’s nice to meet you, Jay.” – What about putting a period after she introduces herself? Then the next sentence would be “It’s nice to meet you, Jay. Can I call you Jay?”

“That’s alright, ma’em.” Is that a typo? Ma’am?

“When she finally turned her eyes on me it was more like…” Comma after ‘me.’

“Thank you, it wasn’t your fault through.” Period after ‘thank you.’ Also, you have a typo. It should be “though,” not “through.”

“Like the looming it wasn’t something he could help.” – I don’t really understand that sentence. And it would need a comma after ‘looming.’

“The house we were walking in smelled strongly of…” Why not just say, “The house smelled strongly of…”

“The placed didn’t look lived in.” ‘Place’, not ‘Placed.’

You say “like” a few times in this chapter. They kind of get distracting. And I love metaphors and similes, but you may have one too many here.

“The room was completely white.” – You say ‘white’ four times in that paragraph. Maybe throw in a “colorless,” or something like that.

“She looked down at her hands, examining her fingers nails…” What about just saying fingernails, or fingernail polish?

Jillian pressed her lips together. “Yes, I do, actually.” I can’t believe I am saying this, but I’d either REMOVE the comma after ‘yes’, OR put a hyphen. “Yes – I do, actually.”

Second to last paragraph, capitalize “Oh.”

Okay, there you go! Half of those suggestions you can ignore. I like what you have though. I keep thinking I’m reading a Janet Evanovich book. Two more chapters to go. Are you going to post any more?

Shaun Holt
"Waiting for the Rain"

Hi Desiree, I just read through chapter five. I think chapter five is where you come into your own. I know someone earlier said chapter four, but I liked chapter five more. I think you have a better mix of dialogue and desciption here. "The Fear of Cats" has good touches of humor, and it reminds me of "One for the Money" by Janet Evanovich.

All the best,

Shaun Holt
"Waiting for the Rain"

Okay, I read three chapters. It took you a whle "Nosey" but when you got to it, it was a decent hard boiled detective story with mostly dialogue in character and from the point of view character. Very little dialogue. That's okay for this type of book. Good for what it is, but clean it up before you send it out. Submit to publishers who do hard boiled detexctive stories, though this is more comedy than hard boiled. Good luck with it. There should be a good market for it.

Really amusing first chapter you have here. Then I read your pitch and laughed out loud at ‘If you don't shake, sweat and hyperventilate at the sight of pure evil, that's a personal issue.’ Have watchlisted this to come back and read more. If the first chapter is any indication of what to expect, then this is going to be very popular here. Looking forward to reading more.

Hi Desiree. I just read the first two chapters, and you had me laughing quite a bit. I really liked the line about there being no visual marks, "except the hole in the head." I'm not sure if I'm supposed to laugh at that part, but I couldn't help it! ... Someone else here said chapter four is good, so I hope to be back soon to read more.

Good stuff!

Shaun Holt
"Waiting for the Rain"

cool for cats, fab content and very entertaining tale. starred and backed. I hope your work will do really well, love it
regards
Sheila

This is a very nice heartfelt and entertaining story. Great job.

Great read...entertaining, engaging and great characters. You've got a really nice writing style so I expect this book will do quite well on here.

Lee :-)

This is a funny story! I finished all the chapters you have posted. I think Chapter 4 is when you really started to hit your best stride. The characters are convincing. Clyde's quirks and learning curve as a new detective added to both the story and to him as a person. And you've done a really good job writing from the male perspective! The little details make the difference, acute observations, matter of fact attitude towards cheating,etc. I enjoyed this. I'll come back for more of anything that makes me laugh.

Eden Ashley-THE SIREN'S HEART

Hi Desiree,
Will drop you a note
Rob Lawrence

Desiree. Thanks for the message. I had a look at the opening, and I think you've got a great style and a good, single-minded, point-of-view going here. This should go places.

I couldn't get it out of my head that the main character was male. It's his wishing that, "the old frumpy couches would be replaced with modern ones" in the first paragraph that distracted me. But, if he's scared of cats, well....

That's all for now. I'll be watching this on authonomy. It's a good idea. Good luck - Ian

YARG REVIEW

WOW!!!!!!!!! what can i say, it lost me a few times. first when i started reading i had begun picturing this story and the characters as young kids, mostly teenage girls going around looking for the cat. Then where it was funny and it shocked me, was i thinking the person who was looking for the cat was a girl, so you can understand how i reacted when you was describing the other girl with her excellent boobs! (great line) then again i was confused when i found out that the main character (the guy) is some sort of a policeman or something like that. there are parts where you made error where you need to edit if you would like to for instance "i grabbed my cell form my pocket" should be (I grabbed my cell from)

Another one, "Nosy tail started to wag so her hard her butt swayed" i think it should be nosy tail started to wag so hard, her butt swayed"

But all and all great read so far and nicelly written and i can tell there are some sorts of shocking development to be seen if carrying on reading which i will. The only problem i see which some have identified is the structure issue apart from that thus far is looking very good and entertaining. :)

I'm not going to lie, i read the title of this book and said "what the hell?" and jumped in anyway, and im glad i did. the dialog is funny at times but altogether engrossing. The structure could use some work but the writing is still top notch! highly starred.

Desiree, I've read the first two chapters of The Fear of Cats and really like it. It sounds like it's going to be a fascinating story. I've made a few notes:

In chapter one, the third paragraph could use some rewording. Maybe something like: Nothing had changed. My living room still looked like Godzilla had trashed it. Nothing was left untouched, except, of course, the dog bed.

This paragrah has a problem (change in tense). 'Most people believed that cats won't hurt them, some have said that they're friendly, safe enough to be pets. They are wrong.' You could say: Most people believe cats won't hurt them. Som even say they're friendly, and safe enough to be pets. They're wrong.

I listened for screams--needs a period after screams. Start a new sentence with That's.

I called for her softly. All I needed was for people to know that she was out again. I didn't have any more fives to pay them off. --I had to read this twice before I got it. Maybe try this: I called for her softly so that no one would hear me. The last thing I need was for people to find out she'd gotten loose again.

The trotted over to me panting and waggin their tails like crazy. I snuck a pet in. (need a 'y' after The). Also, 'I snuck a pet in' sounds like he stuck his pet into the neighbor's yard.

Emily said, "found her at the beach." (f needs to be capitalized)

Well, detective," Andy said. you're needed on the scene." I don't think detective needs italics. You have a typo after said (should be a comma).

Chapter 2

She was laying on its back, eyes closed and lips parted. --I think you meant--She was laying on her back, eyes closed and lips parted.

"There's a hole in its head," I said. --I think you meant--"There's a hole in her head," I said.

Jay answered, "no. Do you want me to do that?"--another typo (no should be capitalized here).

These are all tiny things you would have caught yourself. I hope I helped you some. This has the makings of a really good book. I'll be back to read more. You're doing a great job, Desiree.

Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)