The Book of Prophecy

Dear Steven,

THE BOOK OF PROPHECY is a well-written work of fantasy with a remarkable cover and a riveting opening chapter. The forest, the three brothers on the run and the monstrous predator chasing them made for an utterly fascinating read.

The next chapter delves into the back-story and there is a marked departure from the fast pace set by the previous chapter. While the information is essential, it may be helpful if you stick to the opening tone of the narrative and slowly drip feed the info. Dragatu, Unilus and Phoenon are endearing characters and the references to the Creator and the day of judgement impart some real world / religious significance to the tale.

My rating: 5 stars, and I look forward to reading the rest.

Observation: It’s my belief that in spite of the great cover and title, the absence of tag words and a vague pitch are failing to generate enough curiosity around this story. I also felt some confusion regarding the exact settings.

Best regards,
AGC

I read through the first two chapters and I think you have the start of a great story. You have a smooth style and great rhythm that makes your book an easy read. I think you have a good handle on your dialogue and your narratives are good too. The only thing I might suggest is beefing up your imagery a bit. You write beautifully I just had a difficult time picturing some of what was going on. For instance I would love to see a more detailed description of the wolf. I am by no means saying you should add tons of bloated description or anything. Maybe just a line or two here and there to paint the picture a little more clearly. Thanks so much for the great read and please remember this is only my opinion. High stars for this one!

Just read the first two chapters, and although i don't read fantasy, i thought this was very well done. I dont feel qualified to really add anything else as it's not the genre i read, but i can't see anything obviously wrong here, so i'll simply give high stars.

The Book of Prophecy. I dont usually read fantasy, but your well written pitches and striking cover caused me to glance through the comments.
I take notes as I read, but dont pretend to be an expert.

Ch.1. I think you need a 'which' after the horrific picture. And you have two 'all's in the next sentence.
There are certain words which editors abhor, and when you delete them, you will find your writing is tighter: only, always, just, about.
And it might be well to do a search on all '-ly' words and decide to keep only the ones which are absolutely necessary.
Maybe if you reworded parts on your story to avoid 'they', which betrays a faint authorial viewpoint - and instead tell it completely from Dragatu's viewpoint, it would flow even better for the reader.
You could just say 'He came to an abrupt halt.' It is more dramatic, and thereby eliminates one of the two 'realize's in that paragraph.
I dont think you need 'with haste and caution' either. You've shown it well enough in the ensuing sentence.

These are mere nits to help achieve near-perfection for your story, which gallops ahead and leaves a good hook, too.

Ch.2. I'm going to try and ignore the nits now, and concentrate on your story.
Your dialogue could flow more freely, if you used fewer attributes. But the characters of the three sons are very well defined in their reaction to their father's challenge.
And you bring in the back-story naturally, with the mystery of the secret book to cause your reader to click on.

Ch.3. You mention the bear hunt just in passing. Wouldnt that be a great opportunity for a dramatic piece of description?
You could merely say 'they stopped in confusion.' The remainder of the sentence is superfluous.

It seems I cant help myself .... but I hope you dont mind all these nits. Your book deserves to be perfect. You certainly know how to tell a story. It is in a bit of a raw state at present, but careful editing will raise it to publishable standard.

I'm giving you multi stars, and a spell on my shelf, as a further boost.

Jane (Breath of Africa)

Hi, Steven. I read the first couple of chapters. I really enjoyed it, you convey the emotions and thoughts of Dragatu well, clearly there is great imagination at work here. Just a couple of things, I know you mention it is a giant wolf, I wonder could you elaborate on how abnormally ferocious the wolf must be, as I would imagine a normal wolf would likely be more frightened of three thirteen year old boys and an adult male than they would be of it. Like someone else I also got the impression that Dragatu was much older than his brothers, even though they are triplets.
Oh and the first line of chapter two you have wonder instead of wander. I enjoyed what I read.

Paul

This is a very cool book! I like Dragatu. They are triplets, but by the way you describe them, it is as if Dragatu is the oldest, and the "weaker" one is much younger. Do they have to be triplets? As they were escaping thru the woods, it was hard to imagine them as the same age because they acted like they were younger than Dragatu. just wondering. When you bring in the Book of Prophecy in chapter 2 my attention perked. I am curious now about this book and how it will change their lives. You might consider condensing chapter 2 because it could lose the young reader before they get to the Book of Prophecy. It is well written, and enjoyable!

More people should be reading this. the best way to get it out, is to advertise, such as how I found you. If you are polite, most people will respond because everyone wants their book read. Good luck with this! I'm giving you high stars!

Sincerely,
D. S. Hale
Jessup and the Teleporter

This started with action that takes the reader straight into the book. The writing is good, clear, without affectation, though there are still a few typos here and there. (None that I noticed in Ch 1)
If only I had the time, it is one that I would like to read the whole of. I wish you luck with it, and to be backed (in a few days.) Marj.

Steven,

{The Book of Prophecy}

I'm really enjoying the read so far. You write in a way that's easy to read but flows in a way that it brings your world alive for me, really connecting me to your character's plight as I read on. I love the names... Dragatu was a great choice and I also thought Phoenon and Unilus were fantastic!

The opening with the wolf works well, bringing them into an action sequence from the start, and seeing them avoid the beast by fleeing to the trees was fun to imagine. I'm excited to learn about the prophecy and see what fantasy element is coming into the work!

The Book of Prophesy has a great premise and strong writing and I'm looking forward to returning to read more soon! I've gladly rated it 6 out of 6 stars. Thanks so much for the enjoyable read!

- Scott, The Ark of Humanity

A great piece of fantasy that has a strong start.
Fluent and well thought out.
Dialogue adds colour to the text and you have researched your genre well.
Believable characters blend in well with the narrative.
A good read and will rate well.
Well done.