Book Jacket

 

rank 5456
word count 17674
date submitted 02.02.2012
date updated 10.02.2012
genres: Fiction, Science Fiction
classification: moderate
incomplete

American Saga

Gwenna Frost

3054AD. America's isolated. Seven individuals are collected, sought out by the government to be the first to investigate overseas since the darkness of 3002AD.

 

Whispers have echoed, passing thru the proper channels of government. Planning has been discreet, taking place in the shadows of the Capitol. Twenty four years after its collapse, an order was made to collect the surviving children of The New American Breeding Program. Those who know of them, refer to them as The Sleepers. Only the central government, known as The Archo Triad, and a handful of scientist know of their existence. In attempts to put an end to global isolation, The Archo Triad is willing to take a gamble on these Sleepers' lives, sending them to investigate the countries that The Republicas of America have been cut off from for fifty-two years.
Agnes Dee Campbell is a resident of The Republica of the City of New York. She knew she was different, but her parents never cared to engage in any sort of conversation with her, so she was unaware of just how precious of a commodity she truly was and to whom. One morning, Agnes was disturbed by a canary flapping its wings outside her window. The moment Agnes looked into the canary's eyes was, unbeknownst to Agnes, the start of a new life.

 
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tags

action, adventure, america, corruption, future, genetics, government, new york, political, suspense, teams, urban, weapons

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9 comments

 

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A G Chaudhuri wrote 66 days ago

Dear Gwenna,

Here are my thoughts on AMERICAN SAGA.

You’ve opened the story on a sensational note and I applaud you for that. Some unknown force turning the skies black and sapping the world of all its energy – It’s an unsettling premise that’s bound to ensure continued reading.

Reading on, what threw me off was the apparent nonchalance with which this obviously sinister and extraordinary event was discussed in the White House. I found it lacking the unease and anxiety that should normally characterise a story of this nature and magnitude. The other oddity was the settings and the very nature of the perceived crisis. Everything would change in a thousand years, and many of them well beyond recognition and the limits of familiarity. Seeing that your story is set in 3002 AD, I think you need to seriously consider this point.

I read the rest of the rather extended prologue in a modern day context and that helped a lot. I liked the idea behind the formation of the military-industrial complex, but failed to understand why the holo-paper carried no news of the blackout. I mean, shouldn’t that be the bigger news? My rating: 5 stars for now. I’m really curious to see where this is headed. Once I finish reading all the chapters posted, I may comment again if I have more to add. Best of luck with it.

Warm regards,
AGC



Davidmauriceware wrote 90 days ago

Hello Gwenna, I believe in being totallay honest with people. I belive honesty will only help us grow as writers. I only made it through chapter 1. The story seems as if if could be a very good one. You need alot of editing and sentence restructuring. It's very hard to understand what exactly you are trying to relate at several places in this chapter alone. Please don't be offened with this bit of constructive criticism, because as I said you have a good story, but it just needs to be rewrittien.

Gwenna Frost wrote 93 days ago

After reading all four chapters available, I like this story and hope to see more soon. It would be better if you explained more clearly why planes or ships or even submarines haven't gone to other areas to see what was happening. If this happened, then any country would try desperately to contact others, especially after what it was doing to their economy. I don't see any previous attempts to contact others that failed for some reason. Maybe that is something you will cover later.



I think it is one of those obvious things I completely did not cover but it got covered in my head. Thank you so much for this comment because it will definitely be covered in the story. Also, Thank you for your comment! More is coming very soon.

mdws77 wrote 93 days ago

After reading all four chapters available, I like this story and hope to see more soon. It would be better if you explained more clearly why planes or ships or even submarines haven't gone to other areas to see what was happening. If this happened, then any country would try desperately to contact others, especially after what it was doing to their economy. I don't see any previous attempts to contact others that failed for some reason. Maybe that is something you will cover later.

Gwenna Frost wrote 104 days ago

Thanks to everyone who is supporting me in either backing my book, commenting or adding it to their watchlist. Yesterday I had to pull it to fix a few things. While it was pulled it went off bookshelves and watchlists. If you would still like to follow/support American Saga, please feel free to re-add it.

All the best to all of you!
Gwenna

JKass wrote 108 days ago

Strong well written pitch. As for the story itself, obviously as an unedited work (as my own) their are errors here and there, thats going to happen. As far as everything else I like where the plot is going and the characters. Keeping my eye on it.

Gwenna Frost wrote 109 days ago

These comments are very helpful. I just started this book a few months ago and just wanted to get it out there so I will force myself to write more of it and edit it. I completely understand what is said so far and will work on the formatting to try and clarify what is going on. I sometimes get ahead of myself and forget that what makes sense in my head might not make as much sense on paper... unless I give a guide book to how to read my work!

Anyways, thanks to the comments and critiques. I will be working on it.

And thanks to all who have welcomed me to authonomy!

Warrick Mayes wrote 110 days ago

Gwenna,

I read the prologue.

It was a little confusing in places. The president bit ran into the fishing boat bit without any clear deliniation.
They were talking about a signal being received and then Danny and Jim were discussing having just sent the signal.
The next thing we hear from Danny and Jim they are in the kitchen - they were frozen in the sea!

I would split the sections with lines of asterisks or something. You leave the reader feeling that they have had to struggle to make sense of some quite good little sections, but they are disjointed.

Your pitch is good, but the story seems to lack a clear structure. I read the previous comment, and although I did not look beyond the Prologue, I can see what Steve means.

This looks like quite a challenge, and I would like to give some helpful advice, but I'm not too sure of the best way to overcome these early problems. How about reducing the prologue to just two clear sections - start with the fishing boat and the disaster just kicking off - you don't need to replicate this at the Whitehouse. Then, have a quick summary of the transition of government and why it was necessary. Prologue complete - move on to chapter one!

Best regards
Warrick

Steve Games wrote 111 days ago

Hi Gwenna,

There are great bits of character and dialogue in here, even fragments of good story structure, but you have a lot of editing to do, as well as fixing the download. Chapters 2 - 6 are messed up badly with formatting errors and it's far too distracting a presentation. I backed you on the strength of the pitch and the elements mentioned, as I see potential.

Steve

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