To Dream Again

When I read this part, I kept saying aloud, no, go with Tom he loves you, and kept wondering will she accept the good guys offer or not? Maggie is in such a bad state, all alone, pregnant, and going to a despicable relatives to live, so yes I found myself talking aloud, and yet I knew she was going to turn him down, honorably feeling she cant give him enough love, its so sad..I have kleenex..and will read more after working today.
Love it:)

Hi Ruth well Im back after six days of a password and email glitch;) but the Athonomy team was very helpful and finally success, and the first thing I want to do is continue reading your book:) hehe, I've been thinking of it for six days...:)

Im onto chapter three, though I had some files to sort, this is so fine I'd rather this at the moment, I just won't stop ...and so touching, something every woman can relate to, any human being as well, and yet far more than that, the setting and the characters have me already, even the harsh yet caring in her own way, Mrs Brumby, for the predicament Maggie now finds herself, reading on and loving your story Ruth. Very well written if I haven't already said so, excellent .

Hello Ruth, I'm delighted with your story and so far on chapter one, already. Such a sweet way with words almost like the classics, with a cross between Dickens and Bronte and yet not having your own touch to it all. Well written and Im going to read on a bit as long as I can. There is such a delicate balance so far, Im truly enthralled, you surely have amazing talent. I am sincerely blessed that you messaged me;)
Saerawrites

The more i read this book , the more i live it , its an absolute delight ,thank you Ruth for sharing this with me

To Dream Again:

Well, Ruth, I don’t read much romance to be honest so this was a bit of a journey into the unknown for me. The best part, you actually held me for five chapters … (don’t tell the missus, I’ll never live it down! :D) Can’t say the prologue captivated me but the scenes with Mrs Brumby were masterful. The dialogue was spot on and you held me for the duration.

I think this is perfect for your target audience. And you really do write exceptionally well. All the best with it.

Mick xx

Had to read this as we are hopefully moving to Lincolnshire, and I couldn't resit! You have given Maggie a beautiful voice and this is an extremely well written atmospheric book. High stars * All the best Karen x

I was impressed by the quality of the writing and the research and knowledge that you obviously have of the time and the location.

The dialogue was natural and convincing and the little bits and pieces of general life were very pleasing. I do think that the prologue was possibly unnecessary, although the writing was lovely I think that it could have been integrated into the later chapters and then if we hadn't known right from the start who the father was it may have added a little extra level for a while. Of course this is only my very humble opinion and please ignore me.

It is of course a story as old as time but it never tires as the genuine human pain and sorrow will always be fascinating.

Your characters are very real and I found that I was drawn to Maggie and the Cook. I think that this is a good example of this genre and hope that it will do well, I will give you many stars and wish you the very best of luck. I will put you on my shelf for a while but there is quite a waiting list so I crave your indulgence.

TO DREAM AGAIN
I like this story. Maggie is a good main character; likable in the way she’s denying what has happened to her. Sympathetic as well because this is going to change her life. The best part of this, tho, is the combination of the large amount of research you’ve obviously put into this and your writing style. Lets you add details that make this seem real yet keeps your story always moving. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

I love your opening chapter. You are good at description. I love the story. I had just finished reading chapter one, I would rate it six stars for this wonderful writing. I shall still read more.

Thanks

Isoje David

Animals in Paradise

Hi Ruth, this is a lovely book in the fashion of those wonderful historical sagas. I've really enjoyed it. The characters are well constructed, the narrative takes me right into the scene and the plot has enough going on to keep me thoroughly hooked. An excellent job. A constellation of stars from me.

If you have a moment, would you have a look at La Vie en Rosé. It's currently in the top 5 highest ranked this week and I'd love to stay there a while longer so I can get a bit more visibility.

Thanks
Melanie
La Vie en Rosé

Hello! Reading as promised.

Very Cookson-esque. I suspect Joe to be something of a scoundral! Excellent! Apologies for comments not made in order to the chapters, and feel free to ignore everything!

You use some great description, occasionally you overdo it a little - in the prologue "stretched like ribbons" is lovely, not sure it needs the "trailing" as its implied. It may be personal preference, but I think cutting back a little here and there would improve the flow.

I like the prologue in present tense, puts me right in the story, and her uncertainty, especially now I've learnt she is 16, fits well with the character. I also like the little glimpses we are getting of her personality, checking out her reflection in the ladle, hoping that she is the cause of Joe's flushed cheeks. Paints a nice picture of a sweet, slightly naive girl with plenty of sauce.

Spotted a repetition in Chapter 2 - "gave a resounding 'tsk'...resounding plop".

I think the passage in Chapter 4 were we learn how she first met Joe might benefit from a bit more dialogue - he hasn't really said much yet! It would eb good to get a glimpse into theat first conversation.

I would suggest, and please don't take this the wrong way, that you have a good read about comma usage. I think there are too many in this, and in some odd places. I am absolutely no expert (in fact, my writing is probably riddled with them too. They're like lice! Annoying and immposible to spot in your own work!) but they do disrupt the flow of some really rather good story telling here.

Overall, I'm enjoying the story, I like your heroine, I think there is some good potential for conflict building up so have a sprinkling of stars, and I'll try to get back to read some more!

I’m finally getting back to you to start our read swap! I hope you don’t mind, but I tend to leave tons of comments. You aren’t at all obliged to use it all—I’m just tossing ideas onto the table.

The first paragraph: What would you think about making it parallel with the second sentence? “Early evening sun slips to the horizon…” It would be very poetic.
“Neither, does she”: doesn’t need a comma there.
Chapter 1:
I’m not quite sure why the first paragraph came out in a different font. You might want to check on that.
“Woken”: Awakened?
All through this chapter I see a lot of “had” and “had then gone”. Perhaps you could rephrase the sentences to eliminate some.
Chapter 2:
“The chimneysweep had done his job, that’s when”: It’s an awkward place to switch into present tense. Since the spring cleaning is past, stay in past tense. For example: “As soon as the chimneysweep had one his job, the hard work began.”
“Intensively clean”: How about “thoroughly cleaned”? Again, “cleaned” should stay in past tense; I don’t know if “Intensively” is used differently in UK, but it’s jarring for me.
“lifting the bowl to her bosom, she snapped,”: delete “she”.
“She picked up her wooden spoon…” This sentence is unwieldy, though I love the word picture it draws. Two possibilities: “She…began to beat the eggs—so vigorously that the greying hair not pinned beneath her starched cap danced…” OR “She…began to beat the eggs vigorously, so that the tendrils of greying hair escaping her starched cap danced to and fro upon her forehead.”
“Colour now filling her pale cheeks…”: What about just “color flooded”?
“Went to pull away, but”: I’m a very literal person, so as I read, I thought she’d gone before I got to the end of the sentence and had to revise my mental picture. “Tried to pull away” might be better.
Chapter 3:
“The Bartlett’s were”: oops, a singular possessive with a plural verb. Should be “Bartletts”
I don’t know what you would think about this idea, but, since the chapter appears to be a flashback, you could put “April 1886” at the top like you did in chapter one. Just a thought!
I’m enjoying the glimpse into why Maggie was attracted to Joe.
“near black hair”: use “nearly” instead
“Atop of the teetering loads”: You might want to check my facts on this one, but I believe “atop” doesn’t need “of”: a question of “The top of the load” vs. “Atop the loads”—check it out.
“Wouldn’t you rather?” Each time you begin a quotation, the first letter should be capitalized.
What a sad parting!

This is a great story. I've really enjoyed reading it! Thanks for asking me to swap with you. :) I hope you enjoy "Rosalia" as well as I enjoyed this!
~Hannah

Hi Ruth,
So this isn't a genre I'm used to reading but I really did enjoy the way you write! It's very poetic and your descriptions are always perfectly vivid. Going into chapter one, Maggie has a great voice. Very believable and well suiting for the time and place.

I feel a little silly judging someone your book, your book is flawless so far!
Six stars and good luck!

Your writing is very poetic. Your descriptions, word choice, and sentence structure are all perfect. Your tone and voice are easy to read. You are a very good writer and you have a great story. I loved how you began with the prologue--beautifully written. Your chapters are a perfect length which is important to the reader. I embraced your character from the beginning and cared for her early on. You've created a brilliant piece of literature. 6 stars. Great job. Lacy

A charming story!

Hi Ruth,

I’ve just got back from a couple of weeks away and caught up on all the reads I owe, so I thought I’d spend a few moments having a further dip into your book. And I’m so glad I did. Chapters 1 to 3 are looking fantastic. They read and flow beautifully. And the next three chapters are excellent. I’m afraid I only had time to read Chapters 4 to 6 (Authonomy, that is), but here are my comments on them. (Again, it might be best to copy this onto word and use word-search to find the parts I'm meaning).

Ch 4

1) ‘were be have’
should be ‘were to have’

2) ‘and Joe, returning a shire horse’
remove the comma.

3) ‘the girl a position”, Sir’
should be ‘the girl a position,” Sir’ (ie comma inside the quotation marks)
You’ve used double quotation marks here and single elsewhere. Make them all the same. You’re still just marking dialogue, even though it’s in the past.

4) ‘late yet again setting’
It’s not essential, but I’d put a comma after ‘again’, otherwise ‘yet again’ can refer to either ‘late’ or ‘setting’. (ie ‘Kitty had woken late yet again’ or ‘yet again setting Cook’s day off).

5) ‘Both Maggie and Kitty’
remove ‘both’ or it makes it sound as though they each share with someone else.

6) ‘than to have a ‘knees up’”, he’d said’
should be ‘than to have a ‘knees up’,” he’d said’ (ie comma before quotation marks)
actually, it should really be a question mark rather than a comma.

7) ‘their families travelled’
comma after ‘families’

8) ‘the present, ‘there’s still’
should be ‘the present. “There’s still’

9) ‘Kitty smiled, smugly’
remove comma after ‘smiled’

10) ‘before leading forward’
should be ‘before leaning forward’

11) ‘yer strength”, she’d say’
comma before quotation marks

12) ‘The benefit of it being held outdoors…’
This sentence isn’t quite right. You can’t say ‘the benefit … had been much preferred’. It doesn’t work. Maybe say something like, ‘Holding the gathering outdoors beneath…’ instead. Or something like, ‘The benefit of it being held outdoors beneath a cloudless April blue sky was easy to see. It had been much preferred to…’

13) ‘cruck of her neck’
‘cruck’ should be ‘crook’

14) Section beginning ‘Oh, how those words haunted Maggie now.’ (Actually, this whole section really begins with ‘The day turned out to be the best…’)
This doesn’t quite tie in with the prologue. In the very first paragraph of the prologue the day is over ; ‘Distant voices dwindle – the last of the merrymakers make their way home.’ This makes it sound as though the music and laughter is over and there are just distant voices to be heard. And then ‘A couple strolled hand-in-hand’ and ‘They stop by a small niche.’
But in Ch 3 (Ch 4 by Authonomy) ‘the day was all but over and everyone was claiming their partners for the very last dance.’ So there must still be music and laughter and dancing. And they’ve been sitting on a narrow strip of lawn for a while by the sounds of it.

The prologue is the introduction to the story and makes a real impact. So much so that I had a very strong visual impression, which meant that, when I reached the same scene in your chapter 3, I was completely thrown and uncertain if she was even recalling the same incident.

15) ‘But, he continued’
remove comma

16) ‘his head inclined rested’
should be ‘his inclined head rested’
or ‘his head, inclined, rested’ (I think I prefer the first option)

17) ‘was showing, Maggie didn’t know?’
should be ‘was showing? Maggie didn’t know.’

18) ‘needs above hers.’
Should be ‘needs above hers?’

19) ‘spilled out his apology’
full-stop after ‘apology’

Ch 5

1) ‘rumour had it; the event’
remove semi-colon
if you’re worried about the readability of the sentence then make it; ‘this year and, rumour had it, the event’

2) ‘for few extra’
should be ‘for a few extra’

3) ‘A swift nod from’
This should be a new paragraph.

4) ‘ ‘What you saying,’ the taller’
should be ‘ ‘What you saying?’ the taller’

5) ‘butted in, ‘our sis is’
should be ‘butted in. ‘Our sis’

6) ‘to Joe, he had full intentions of using it, if need be.’
Remove both commas

Ch 6

1) ‘guardedly, ‘what’s so’
should be ‘guardedly. ‘What’s so’

2) ‘he said, ‘you’ve just said’
should be ‘he said. ‘You’ve just said’

3) ‘all right, does it.’
Question mark after ‘it’

4) ‘But, then his next words’
remove comma

5) ‘by and by, things have changed’
should be ‘by and by. Things have changed’

6) ‘fringe on her shawl’
Full-stop after ‘shawl’

7) ‘her cheeks colouring profusely’
‘her’ needs a capital ‘h’ here, which makes the sentence very strange. It would be better as “Her cheeks coloured profusely…’

8) ‘But, I went and messed’
remove comma

9) ‘Forget it.’
Comma after ‘it’

Ruth, I love this. It’s such a good story and you tell it so well. It’s a delight to read. I hope to dip in again soon.

Sue

Please add more, loving your book Ruth.
SaeraWrites

To Dream Again
I read to Chapter 8 and then skipped to CH 27. A very nicely written story here! Good combination of inner monologue and dialogue. The dialogue is clearly researched and true to the time. Maggie is a compelling character, so naïve but optimistic. I felt terrible for her at the end of Ch 6 when Joe is clearly not going to change his mind. I didn’t find any nits, grammar, punctuation, etc - it all seemed clean to me, but I’m not the best judge of this. I would say your biggest issue tends to be a bit heavy on the descriptions. I think partially it’s the tone of the book, and your style, and the time period that you’re writing in, but in some places it ventured a little far into flowery, I think. I took some notes – below but my crits are all very minor.
Ch1:
Velvet green meadow seemed slightly overwritten to me, especially for a first sentence. Other than that it’s a good first sentence.
Part to dare further should possibly be dare to part further?
Velvet again
Ch2:
Nice authentic language!
I like how you end chapters, with a wistful little hook. Keeps you turning to the next chapter for sure.
Ch7:
An element of sadness slowly descended (COMMA) squeezing out the only emotion
Overall, I think this should do well here! I’ve starred it and kept it on my WL. Let me know if you add more chapters!
Kate M.
My Husband's Memory

I hate Cedric! Maggie needs to run...I cant stop reading.:)

Oh you know, I just love the new girl , not too fond of Kitty, hehe, but also adore Rose always hiding her soft side and all worried about Maggie...I have the feeling as I read this now, had to come and give it a bit of time and maybe read more Monday, this is such an excellent work Ruth, it truly is.;)

~To Dream Again by Ruth Benton~

To Dream Again is a fantastic page-turner and has a great balance of narration, description and dialogue. This is high quality writing with an endearing protagonist in Maggie and such beautiful descriptions throughout (i.e. '...trees stretching like ribbons'). Plus, the Lincolnshire dialect is faultless (i.e. 'I have yer sickening for owt...').

Highly recommended, 6 stars and WL for further reading! Will be backing after my next rotation!

Health, happiness and prosperity,

Iman xxx

http://www.authonomy.com/books/39355/miss-manners

Here are just a few suggestions:

- As Gillian suggests, try cutting the prologue. I think it would perhaps instil more intrigue in the reader later when she's feeling ill. At first she thinks it's the gooseberries, but then the pain and sickness gets much worse. This can perhaps be the inciting incident? I know just how hard it is to make such a major cut - I cut an entire chapter before chapter 1 (as suggested by my brother). But it was the best thing I did!

- Neither[,] does she object when he[r] takes her in his arms...' (Here, cut out the comma and the 'r.')

I have read the first five chapters.

I like the characters, they are well drawn and consistent and I warmed to them quite quickly. There is also a good balance between dialogue and descriptive and reflective text. I can hear the storyteller in you.

There is a vogue for prologues. I've recently taken one out so I know how hard it is to do but in this case I would say cut the prologue. We know she is pregnant from the pitch. The prologue is not leaving us with any unanswered questions that can only be resolved by reading the book and sex scenes are particularly hard to write and appease a wide audience, you may loose readers who would have enjoyed the rest of the book.

I was a little confused by the movement in the timeline. Early on Maggie wonders if she is ill due to overconsumption of gooseberries but it is in the following chapter that she actually eats the gooseberries. Unless there is a reason to tell the story out of sequence (for example where flashbacks reveal clues or excerpts from letters answer questions) then I would recommend writing in the order that the events take place.

A good feel for the period and some really lovely writing. A great job.

I've read three chapters, and I'm really enjoying it so far. You've done a great job setting a time and place, and also with establishing the suspense. I already care about Maggie and her predicament. I almost wonder, though, if instead of Maggie saying no (since rape is such a big, terrible topic) if Maggie could naively but willingly go forward with it. I also had a little confusion with the tenses in the first "real" chapter, but it was totally fine in the second, Great job! Highly starred!

I like the way your first chapter opens. I like everything about it, the narrative voice, the dialect used in the dialogue (exceptional!!!), the descriptions of the settings, the pace…
I’m absolutely intrigued by your writing. It’s graceful.

As for the prologue: I’m sorry, but I don’t care for it. I confess, I’ve never read a romance novel before. I know they typically contain sex. I would expect that. But I would hope the story would meet me in the same, or similar, way a romantic relationship would. Let’s get to know a little about each other before we have sex.

I enjoy the way you occasionally combine words in unconventional ways… playing with their meanings in slightly abstract ways. “…sending dark showers from far-off poplar trees…” and… “…his lips barely touching hers before parting to dare further.”

“…moaning softly when she does not resist.” is followed by “She doesn’t resist when he coaxes…” The language here is a little repetitive. You might change that second line to read: She let him coax her down… (or something)

“…but this only increases his ardour, he, too caught up in the moment…” This seems to be missing something… but I’m not sure what.

With my complete lack of experience regarding the romance genre, I may not be qualified to comment on the structure here… but if this was mine, I’d drop the prologue. I think your first chapter is captivating. I’d welcome the sex as it felt natural to introduce. Did I mention that I love your dialogue? And you have a lovely cover!

Recommended… and I’ll be backing this when I have the space. Five stars.

When I read this part, I kept saying aloud, no, go with Tom he loves you, and kept wondering will she accept the good guys offer or not? Maggie is in such a bad state, all alone, pregnant, and going to a despicable relatives to live, so yes I found myself talking aloud, and yet I knew she was going to turn him down, honorably feeling she cant give him enough love, its so sad..I have kleenex..and will read more after working today.
Love it:)

Hi Ruth well Im back after six days of a password and email glitch;) but the Athonomy team was very helpful and finally success, and the first thing I want to do is continue reading your book:) hehe, I've been thinking of it for six days...:)

Hi Ruth,

Your story is gripping from the off - quite unusual to start with a love scene! I found the kitchen scenes with Maggie and the other servants intriguing and very well done. One of your tags is Cookson and I think that's spot on. This is quality writing from someone with a real feel for atmosphere, place and period.

An amusing, descriptive and well written book. Your writing style is very impressive, dialogue are realistic with vivid charachters and narrative is at great pace. Highly rated.

Hi Ruth,
Wow this really is quite intense. Loved the start, will comment and send as I Start to read chapters:

Prologue
"Moaning softly when she does not resist" ---- Maybe this is just the French man in me. But men don't moan when they have a beautiful lady in their arms. Especially in a love scene. His breathing might intensify, he might call her name, tell her that he loves her ---- after all, he is after his wicked way!

"She doesn't resist" --- I have no problem with this, but felt it might sound like a repitition of the previous sentence. I expect though that is what is intended.

"Coaxes" Again, the French man in me. I would not expect English men to coax women. I would expect them to perhaps "take her in his arms and lay her on the soft......." He might even have strong arms to take her in!

"Soon to be home for them in the coming months" This line to me took away the blur of the world around her, that should have been happening. It felt like a word count filler. "The first house martins winging their way to nearby eaves, the call of the rooks......." I felt that this moment for her should have been intense. The world could have burst into flames around her, and she would not have noticed. Without the "coming months bit" , it does that for me, and rushes me to the climax of the chapter.

Ruth,
I have only been able to read the first few chapters, but I am already engaged. I love how you have developed the characters and I can envision them in my head. You have painted your characters out very well. I am in love with the cook! As I have said, I am not very far along, so there is little to critique at this point, but I am enjoying what I have read thus far. Your writing has already drawn me in, so I can't wait to keep reading!
Courtney
Forget-Me-Not

Hi Ruth,

Firstly, I must say that this is only my initial impression because so far I have only been able to read as far as the end of chapter four. I noticed that you state that the story is now complete, so I imagine that you are taking a break before the editing process begins and so forgive me if there are already comments from other reviewers that you are intending to accommodate.

I like the basis for your story; a young girl getting into trouble is timeless and a theme that offers many possibilities for development. And I like how you write with a real understanding for your location.

The first thing that struck me was that in terms of time frames, your chapters jump around a bit. We're treated to the lovely opening scene but then two chapters later we are back there discovering what happened to lead up to it. By this point, with Maggie already deciding that she was pregnant, I wanted things to move along rather than fill in the background. I like the story about what happened after Joe had done the deed and the atmosphere between them but personally, I feel it would be far more powerful if it sat where it occurred; right after your prologue. It would make a lovely contrast to have the desire and seduction and then instantly the regret and disappointment. The two scenes would work well, back-to-back.

There's a similar issue with the gooseberry scene. Maggie tried to tell Cook that they are the cause of the sickness and then we go back to learn about her eating them days earlier. It struck me, again in my opinion, that if Maggie could recall eating them and the events of that day, which are nice in themselves and then we were treated to her telling the cook that she thinks they are to blame, then events would be relayed in the sequence in which they occurred.

I think the reason that this issue of timing is close to my heart is because an editor said much the same of my own writing, telling me that a plot needs to be 'relentless in its push forward' and that if there was a supporting scene worthy of inclusion, it should happen when it happened! You are of course, entirely free to disagree with her!!

A couple of other minor thoughts. You quite often use the word Maggie in situations where we are already in Maggie's mind and so, as we know where we are, the use of 'she' would give for a smoother flow. In chapter one, there are three examples early on, I think in the first, third and fifth sentences. Also, I think that shortly after that, there is a mistake/typo because the sentence says 'They were rather nice,' pasting a weak smile on her face. I couldn't make sense of that.

So, I like the setting and the way you convey it. I like the characters;I already have a strong feel for Maggie's anxiety and Cook's forthrightness. I like the premise for the story.

To do it justice I need to make some time to come back and read further to see where it is going.

Best of luck with it,

Sandra-Jane Goddard
The Worst of Lies

There's a lot to like here. Lovely atmosphere and sense of time. I like all the voices, especially Mrs Brumby and Maggie's growing sense of fear and panic. Love Maggie blaming the gooseberries. A friend of mine was pregnant and for weeks thought she was feeling bad because she'd eaten some mouldy bread... until she realised! There's a lovely tension between Maggie wanting it to be the gooseberries even though she knows deep down it's not.
Felt there was a little repetition between Chp 1 and the beginning of Chp 2 with the whole gooseberry story/being sick etc. Maybe you need to make them a little more different in some way.

In the Prologue... writing these scenes is phenomenally hard but you've carried it off very well. But there were three phrases that I thought were a little too 'Mills and Boon' (that's not meant as a criticism, Mills and Boon are phenomenally tricky to write) I mean more as a style issue, they slightly change the tone of the chapter into something a little less real, but that's entirely subjective.
"before parting to dare further"
"eager to taste the sweetness of him"
"He continues to feed his hunger"
These are just slight niggles, generally I thought the writing was superb. 5 stars.
All the best,
Sharda.

Im onto chapter three, though I had some files to sort, this is so fine I'd rather this at the moment, I just won't stop ...and so touching, something every woman can relate to, any human being as well, and yet far more than that, the setting and the characters have me already, even the harsh yet caring in her own way, Mrs Brumby, for the predicament Maggie now finds herself, reading on and loving your story Ruth. Very well written if I haven't already said so, excellent .

Hello Ruth, I'm delighted with your story and so far on chapter one, already. Such a sweet way with words almost like the classics, with a cross between Dickens and Bronte and yet not having your own touch to it all. Well written and Im going to read on a bit as long as I can. There is such a delicate balance so far, Im truly enthralled, you surely have amazing talent. I am sincerely blessed that you messaged me;)
Saerawrites

I was hoping the first few chapters would live up to the great pitch and they actually surpassed my expectations. Maggie is a well-rounded, intriguing character and I love the setting. I visualised your scenes so vividly which strikes me as a very good sign. I love your book cover, it fits so nicely with the content. I can see this transferring nicely to screen one day, it has so much potential.
Best of luck with it.
Melissa
Lessons in the Dark

I read though the first four chapters and what a treat it was. This is not my usual genre but I found it engaging, well written and very enjoyable. You have a fantastic gift for imagery and your diologe and narratives are fantastic. I was drawn in from the start. Thanks so much for the read. High stars for sure.

Hi Ruth, I just finished reading the first 6 chapters of 'To Dream Again' and really enjoyed them! No, not just because your two protags names are the same as in my book, lol, but because of the sheer quality of writing. Hist Fic is notoriously difficult to pull off, but you've really done a good job here - the period, the language, the mise en scene are all spot on. I really felt for poor Maggie, and Joe is just a weak, spineless cad, isn't he? I do hope that Tom seizes the day and claims her heart, he sounds an altogether good guy. My suggests for improvement are few - a couple less 'what's ailing yers?' from the cook perhaps (I think I counted four!) and definitely a different last sentence to the (fab) prologue, since (as someone else said) it's hard to believe that a 16-yr old virgin would be surrendering to anything but panic, let alone her own urgent desires! I'd also go along with most of Laura P's suggests - that was a good crit. All that aside, a really absorbing story - 5 stars and on my list for future shelving.

Joe Kovacs
Ginger the Buddha Cat

(I particularly like your short chapters - those teasing cliffhangers really work!)

Hi Ruth,

First of all, thank you for the love you gave My Beautiful Stalker. :)

You picked the perfect title for this masterpiece! The way you wrote the long pitch and incorporated the title is brilliant, too!

Aside from the fact that this book is well-written, it's overflowing with emotions. From the beginning, you have successfully set the mood. It's easy to follow and keeps the reader intrigue. You brought me into the scenes with your main characters and that's what I love best about To Dream Again. I thought you handled the lovemaking scene pretty good and descent. I like Maggie already and I will follow her journey here in Authonomy!

BACKED!

Di

I've read the first four chapters, it was nice and easy to get into and I think you're onto something good here. The cook's accent was just right - I've seen this done so clumisly before but you really made it work. The period details is also great - accurate but not intrusive. The first chapter put me in mind of Thomas Hardy!

I did have a few suggestions, I hope that's ok. The prose felt like it could do with tightening, there were a few extra words in there that don't add anything -mainly adverbs and extra adjectives - it could help the flow to have another look at these and see if you can take any out. I also got a bit disjointed jumping from the field to "where Maggie worked now" - I got the feeling she'd taken this job after being with Joe, but then in Chapter 4 we went back in time again and found it was after ...and I just got very confused. This could just be me being dim. Would it make it easier if you started with Maggie and the pregnancy symptoms and provided little "flashbacks" to that day in the field, teasing it out as you went along and the cook's suspicions grow along with the reader's? Just an idea.

From the pitch I can see you have a really compelling story, I'm sure this is going to play out wonderfully. However, I do now know pretty much everything that's going to happen - would revealing less and hinting catch the interest of more readers? Another slight thing about the pitch - you say that Maggie feels life couldn't be better when she finds she's carrying Joe's child. That wasn't the impression I got.

I hope that helps, I must stress I really enjoyed reading and these are just some little ideas I had that might make it even more wonderful.

Hi Ruth,
I came to do my chapter swap! Your story is beautifully written. I have read 8 chapters, and it is engaging and sad. I like the language, it feels very authentic. I did not notice any typos or punctuation issues, so I really have no critique to offer. I wish you the best of luck on this, I hope to get a chance to read more!
Thanks!
Mindy
The Wishing Place

Ruth,

You have a penchant for the picturesque. I must say I was smitten with your writing style marrying me with the moment. Certainly, "long, dewy grass licking at her ankles" or "seasons came and went, each one bringing forth a new blanket of colour" are phrases to savour and appreciate for their palpable appeal. Thank you for writing "To Dream Again" simply laid out, easy to digest with its wonderful flow, the dialogue realistic and true to local colour, the characters sympathetic. A perfect book to curl up with. Now that I've seen the initial passion and the resulting birthing, I'm eager to find out what's in store for Maggie next.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

I love the title. There's something romantic and melancholic about it that draws me.
I also ilke the pitch - it's historical fiction but themes we can all identify with - love for our children, wanting to be with someone we can't be with...
I like the prologue too (though I confess I am not a fan of prologues as a rule). You draw us into the scene with the atmosphere you paint. And I like that it's not all positive, that she's not sure - it just adds a bit of real-life and makes these characters more real - though I am not convinced she would finally surrender to her own - did women really know what it was back then? Particularly as it sounds as if she is a virgin. It seems as if it progresses rather quickly from him feeding his own hunger to the two of them taking part in lovemaking... but it's your story, you know them better than i do, so do what you know to be right for them :)

Hi Ruth,

I enjoy books in this genre, and yours is no exception. Your prologue is a lovely scene-setter and the perfect point to begin the story. Your characterization and dialogue in the first few chapters (I’ve read to Chapter 3), are good, enabling us to get a sense of both Cook’s and Maggie’s personalities. And Maggie’s desperate need to be wrong about her suspicion that she’s pregnant and her terror of admitting her fears to Cook, come through very clearly.

You’re building this story up nicely and I hope to read more when I get the chance.

As I said, I’ve only read three chapters, but I’ve made a few notes for you on those. All of this, of course, is only my opinion. Feel free to toss it in the bin if that’s where you feel it ought to go. The way I work, is that I note a portion of a sentence at the start of each point. If you word-search for this set of words on your word processor, you’ll be able to see the sentence that I’m discussing. Also, as I tend to write quite a few notes, it might pay to copy this onto word and then print it out, so you can work through it more easily.

Ch 1

1) It might pay to put your prologue (first 600 words) onto Jack Cerro’s forum (If I were an editor I’d stop reading… now). I put mine on a few days ago and with just three comments they managed to fix all the weaknesses that had been bugging me. I’ve been telling everyone about it ever since as I think it’s a fantastic forum that would benefit any author.

On that note, we move on to the few suggestions I have:

2) ‘It’s early evening’
Try removing ‘It’s’. It’s a weak start, and one of the things I learned on Jack’s forum was that your opening sentence needs to be strong. Tricky in your case as you’re aiming for a dream-like quality, but I think removing the ‘It’s’ ought to do it.

3) ‘She and Joe’ is frustrating. You’ve given Joe a name, but not her. I can see what you’re aiming to achieve, but Joe doesn’t need to be named this early either. What about: ‘A couple stroll hand-in-hand…’

Otherwise it works well. The move from dream-like quality to harsh reality, coincides beautifully with the mention of Maggie’s name. It really reinforces that sense of coming out of a dream and back to earth – before she’s dragged back into Joe’s passion again.

4) ‘abundant mass of auburn locks’ is a mouthful and interrupts the flow of the story. Make it one or the other. If you feel that both descriptions are important then add the other one in a little later in the story.

5) ‘it lingering there’
Remove ‘it’

6) ‘being no barrier’
Remove ‘being’

7) ‘offering, but more in a gentler, caring way – not like this.’
‘more in a gentler, caring way’ isn’t necessary and weakens the sentence. If you just say: ‘offering – but not like this.’ all the rest of it is inferred and the tension is retained and heightened.

8) ‘nearby eaves soon’
Comma after ‘eaves’

Ch 1

1) ‘But the crimson glow’
Make it ‘But today the crimson glow’. I can’t tell you why – and I suppose I ought to be able to – but you need it in there.

2) ‘She’d also barely noticed’
There’s a difficulty with the wording of this sentence. If Maggie barely noticed it, why are you forcing us to? Maybe try rewording it as something like: ‘Retracing her steps back to the kitchen, Maggie barely noticed the long, dewy grass licking at her ankles.’ (Wetting her boots is unnecessary and detracts from the imagery; ‘licking’ at her ankles says exactly the same thing much more effectively).

3) ‘Waking once again’
I had trouble with this. Maggie’s awake (she’s walking back to the kitchen), but at this point it sounded as though you had her waking up – again. I’d remove those words altogether. Maybe say something like: ‘Partway back, her stomach turned somersaults, the sickly feeling making her…’

4) Change ‘this morning’ to ‘that morning’. Your narrative is in the past tense.

5) “I can’t have yer sickening for owt,’ and then, “Is there…’
Take out the ‘and then’. This is one of the things I do, and I’ve just spent hours going through my MS before I uploaded it, trying to get rid of a heap of them. Interjecting things into the middle of dialogue actually slows the speech down and disrupts the flow for the reader. Ideally, you should aim for just one interjection; two at the most. (I’m really hopeless at this, but when I actually bite the bullet and toss some of them out, then go back and read it the next day, I can see that I’ve improved my dialogue. The interjections that I thought were so essential, weren’t necessary at all.)

6) ‘Maggie then went off…’
Try “Maggie had gone off…’ This keeps the reader more firmly in the past.

7) ‘years ago,’ she began’
Should be ‘she’d begun’. This all happened last Sunday.

8) ‘Not long after Hubert came along.’
Comma after ‘after’ or put ‘Then’ at the beginning of the sentence.
You can read this more than one way.

9) Nice ending to the chapter.

Ch 3

1) ‘pump onto her face’
You use ‘face’ in the sentence before. Maybe use ‘cheeks’ or ‘skin’ to avoid repetition.

2) ‘It wasn’t she didn’t…’
I’m not sure what you’re trying to say in the first part of this sentence.

3) ‘the woman this very minute’
‘this very minute’ isn’t necessary

4) ‘Dropping her head slightly’
‘slightly’ isn’t necessary.

5) ‘moments like these’
Remove the comma after ‘these’

6) ‘Every room within…’
A tighter sentence would be: ‘No room within Ingleton Manor escaped the ritual.’

7) ‘fork and spoon didn’t escape the intensive clean’
Try to avoid negatives. They tend to weaken sentences. Maybe say instead: ‘fork and spoon intensively cleaned.’

8) It’s great to see you call them ‘goosegogs’. I’d thought that was a kiwi name for them. Takes me back to holidays and childhood.

9) ‘With an ire of irritation’
‘ire’ means anger, annoyance, indignation. I don’t think it’s quite the word you want. Maybe ‘wealth’?

10) ‘Maggie licked her lips’
‘her’ isn’t necessary

11) ‘back down, she quickly wiped’
‘she’ isn’t necessary

12) ‘I’m sorry, lass if I’
Comma after ‘lass’

13) ‘She paused and then said’
Remove this (working on the principle of no interjections in dialogue).


I hope this is of some use to you. It’s a lovely story, Ruth, and you’ve captured the style and feel of the genre really well. Hopefully I’ll get time to read more soon.

Sue

Good introduction Ruth....really draws the reader in. Will carry on reading ....well done and see you Monday

I am happy to have come across your book. I love the setting and the Characters. I have read only 3 chapters and look forward to reading more. Highly starred and on my watchlist.

I had difficulty with some of the longer words. I would have liked a few more pictures. This is a grown-up book and very well writtenen.

Ruth,

It is a pleasure to back this book. When I finished the prologue, I had 'goosy's' and couldn't wait to read on. Although coming from across the Atlantic I did initially struggle with the dialect, but once I caught on it became an enjoyable fluid read. I love the flow and rhythm of your writing. The characters are believable, and you have captured the period of the story quite well. It can't wait to read more.

Linda
Threads of Time

Ruth,

I've just read your prologue and Chapters 1 & 2. Here are my thoughts:

First off, both your long and short pitches are very effective, straight to the point. As is your short prologue, which, to my mind, sets up your story very nicely indeed - the young girl in the throes of passion, getting herself into trouble. You handle this scene deftly, not enough to suggest a rape, but a lack of tenderness which would make anyone cringe, and really feel for Maggie. The only thing which caught my eye here was the sentence beginning 'she and Joe' when I felt 'Maggie' would've read better (also, I think house martin needs a hypen 'house-martin.)

Into Chapter 1 & 2, I felt this might work better as one whole chapter rather than two, as the scene doesn't really shift from one place to the other, and you're really looking to confirm the fact that Maggie's sickness is indeed signs of pregnancy.

On a technical front, these opening chapters are well written and highly polished. You have a great ear for dialogue, and your main character looks to be spot on, the naivety of a young woman falling pregnant will no doubt make for a sympathetic and compelling read.

Happy to give you a run on my shelf.

Regards

NA 'The Butterfly and the Wheel'

I liked the writing and the story. Very well done. Glad to back your book. Bud Carroll - All That Ends

Ruth
I took another look at To Dream Again. Read up to Chapter 7. I particularly like the scenes where Maggie and Joe are interacting You have a delicate touch and I can feel the intimacy of their burgeoning relationship. Some nice poetic touches. I still love your "dewy grass that licked at her ankles" but please take out the following - wetting her boots - it takes away from the first observation which is excellent.
You captured the Victorian period atmosphere with well observed dialogue. It's an easy style to read.
Good luck with it and multi starred.
Paul
DEAD MOON RISING

Hi Ruth,

As promised, I've had a quick read through in the time I've got. Made it to the end of chapter three and I must say, I like it!

A few things, reading through the prologue, I had to double check a few times that I was reading correctly, perhaps it is because your writing fits the style of 1880's? Maybe just have a quick peek and make sure the words are how you want them. If they are then it's my fault for not reading it correctly!

Other than that, nothing to comment on other than to say I will be back to read more! Adding to my watch list for future reads (that is, between diaper changes, cleaning, etc!)

The more i read this book , the more i live it , its an absolute delight ,thank you Ruth for sharing this with me

An itriguing and well written family saga. I could see this as a TV serial. Backed and high stars.Yours Bea

i really like historical fiction. this premise is a good one, so i am backing it. i think you could clean up the dialogue a bit, and tighten it up. but it is well done.
j
what every woman should know