Inherit the Earth

Hi Ronald,
returning your reading of "Mr Unusually's Circus of Dreams". Thanks again for that. Really grateful.
I'm not a natural fantasy reader usually, so please take my comments as such. I'm no expert in this genre.

Lots of lovely description and some very imaginative ideas and scenes.
Not a big fan of Prologues, I felt that in the prologue and first half of chp1 there was a little too much explanation, but I'm guessing its hard when you're creating a whole new world for the reader to inhabit!!
Your writing flows well and is clear and smooth, your ideas are interesting and imaginative. The explanation slows the pace a little, so editing some out will help to keep the reader's interest.
All the best with this. Will happily give you 5 stars.
Sharda.

INHERIT THE EARTH
This is an interesting story. It’s a lot of work to have to describe a whole new world and civilization at the beginning of a book but you do this well. Give just enough description so how things look are clear yet not so much you bog down your story. Anness is a good character; likable and certainly sympathetic because of the way the Marr woman treated her. I was surprised to see Dex fly away (altho I had been wondering why he was sitting in a tree to rest). If I wanted anything else from the story it was a brief explanation of how the world changed so much: a nuclear bone exposed these new hot springs? Maybe an asteroid hit the earth? Either way, this is a good read. Much better than the Authonomy Pick-a-book Wednesday selection. I'm starring it highly and adding it to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Well, all the good things that have been said about this book, I agree with & then some.
I've not met many writers on this site who make me stop and say, "Damn, this one can write!" and I said that while reading this, truthfully.
You descriptives brought a pang of envy within me and being a fellow fantasy author, I know the ability to paint with words is an asset and you are not short of it.
Your dialogue was engaging and fell in naturally with the description. This has a feel of epic fantasy to it, your style of writing at least/
Which only leaves the story. It reminds me of Brandon Sanderson's "The Way of Kings" where his world was ravaged by storms and plants and animals had evolved to adapt, strangely not the humans, which is your take here. I'm guessing basing this story ten million years in the future was a strive to maintain realism since human evolution or evolution of any kind usually takes millions of years.
Your story has a lot of promise and the division into species provides a diversity that most of the best fantasy provides in a separation of races or tribes.

Granted it has a few editorial issues, but simple things that can be easily fixed.

• all trying to avoiding one another
• and unhealthy population lice
• As they woman came storming towards
• the spen could not possible repeat such a project
• that secured the beam and lower the plank into position
• its purpose was to keep the out swell and stop the
• She's your then is she?

Besides that, it was a very good read for the patient reader, though the lazy ones will complain about your detailed descriptions. I learnt that you can't please everyone and some complaints are easier to ignore than others :D

6 stars and I'll have it on my shelf ASAP.

Edwin
(The First Oath)

Inherit the Earth

Ronald,

I’ve read the prologue and the first two chapters. This is a thoroughly absorbing read. The lengthy and detailed descriptions are an indication that this is not a book that should be rushed. The word count on your book summary confirms its length – 177K words. I’m not surprised this forms part of a trilogy. I enjoyed the gradual construction of the four civilisations and I would resist editing suggestions to cut the description back. That’s just my personal opinion.

The writing is very good with few mistakes. It’s easy to see that you take your inspiration from the natural world. I bet you love a good wildlife programme!

I don’t tend to shuffle my bookshelf very often but when I do I’ll add this.

I’ve scribbled a few notes as I’ve been reading. There might be something useful in this lot –

Bookcover - The long pitch indicates the Earth has been ravaged but the photo looks quite serene.

Prologue

Very rich descriptive writing.
Para. ‘He wandered between pools….’ – ‘The smell made him (made him)….
Not very warrior-like to curl up into a ball. It’s the sort of thing I’d do but not a bloke called Wolverine…sorry Wolderin.

Ch.1

‘Such a figure was beyond comprehension’ – Had to read that twice because the 10m year fact was split by info relating to the Grell.
You write thoughts as if it’s speech. I only realise it's not speech that when I read ‘he thought’ at the end of the line.
Slightly confused with ‘By Marr standards she was a fine specimen herself…’ I didn’t think the Marr liked them skinny.
‘As the(y) woman came storming towards her…’
Some explanation required about how Anness knew the strategic position of her people.
Something doesn’t sound quite right with the sentence ‘More often than not it was Ing-nep, the only one…’
Meeting between Ing-nep and Perrick very well described.
Very surprised that they have scientists – they seem too primitive.
Wording makes it sound like Perrick is sorry to hear that Ing-nep is the leader of the pod.
Not sure that the clicks and buzzes would produce such articulate communication. I need a bit more convincing.
I’m wondering why the Grell are so bothered about the Marr. Surely they’re safe in the oceans.
The last line indicates this problem with the ‘he thought’ thing I mentioned above. Sounds like he’s having a conversation with himself.

Ch. 2

‘No such thing as a good time,’ he thought. Initially I thought he was talking to Kerron and only when I reached the end of the sentence I realised I was wrong. Don't I bang on about this!?
Ing-nep’s reflection on the meeting with Perrick completely fooled me. So much so I had to return to ch. 1 and re-read it. Only then did I realise that I’d entirely misunderstood who was talking to who in that conversation. It might just be me but it might be worth indicating when Perrick and Ing-nep are talking.
Very good description of Grell feeding.
‘The gulper closed it’s jaws and drifted away as though(t)…’
‘This man ha(d)- (s) travelled a great distance…’
‘With that though(t) his jealousy turned to pity..’
The long para beginning ‘Despite the countless prey…’ looks like it could be broken up into a few more paragraphs.

Hope there’s something useful in this lot.

Gareth

So far, I like this book. It reminds me of my story! Just the adult version of it! I'm into chapter 17 and I'm loving it! I can really connect with this book with the Tribes since my has the same idea. So the story telling aspect, great voice and strong character.
Some parts at the beginning were hard to get into, but after you get used to the style and you get into this world you've created, it becomes gradually easier.
6 Stars!
-Courtney
The Echoes

Very nice, fluid style of writing. Good descriptions and an intriguing scenario. Will back and highly star.

Great job!

Dyane
The Purple Morrow

INHERIT THE EARTH

Your prose conveys a very rich milieu-centered story, and I’m pulled right into your fascinating world right away with the descriptions of the steaming, bubbling mud pool and geysers. It’s absolutely fantastic, and I feel like I’m there (as a geologist, I’m a real sucker for your fantastic environmental descriptions once again). You have great sensory descriptions too, beyond just the visual of the landscape. I can almost smell and touch and taste that swampy setting.

I also love how you have taken us back to prehistoric times again (even though it takes place long in the future when humanity has evolved into several different competing species). I’m in love with the anthropological feel of your characters—the spiritual superstitions about volcanic deities and the social dichotomies between men and women in their culture—and I can see that you really like writing stories like this. Spin that theme a hundred different ways, I say, and don’t stop. This is a great theme for your writing—and one that I’m particularly fond of.

This reminds me of H.G. Wells’ “The Time Machine” in a lot of ways, much like your other piece “Edge of Oblivion.”

Very cool. I really want to put this on my shelf. I’ve had your other book on there since I’ve joined this site, and I think I’m going to do a swap (sorry I can’t do both!).

Keep this up—this is great prose.

Good luck!

Sarah E.S.
Destiny of Species

The writing is very fluid; the dialogue is natural and you avoid the trap of using archaic language. The world you create is extremely rich and varied and you master its elements well. The visual descriptions pain a vivid, uncluttered picture.

The characterisation is good; Anness obviously, but I liked Penthor too. The Spen are not immediately likeable though they have the potential to find a bit of backbone and stand up for themselves. I liked the idea of the tough slave girl heroine (reminded me of a highly praised book called The Gift, which I thought frankly was not up to much – yours is infinitely better), and the twist of having Anness despising her own people for letting themselves become slaves, though you don’t let her adopt a cringing admiration for her captors.

I did think you light make the Marr a bit more ferocious and vicious. They seem to be simply nomadic people adapted to living in a cruel environment, rather like the Mongols. The Spen refuse to fight, and I am surprised they have lasted so long with their ideas. In Darwinian terms they are non-starters.
You might get criticism from purists about the scientific probability of four different varieties of human kind coesisting with virtually no technological knowledge among the lot of them. It doesn’t bother me, because I’m no scientist. I just wondered if it wouldn’t be easier to pre-empt the critics, leave out the human nature of the peoples and call it straight fantasy.
I did find quite a lot of typos and the punctuation needs looking at, but that’s a very minor problem that judicious editing will sort out. Maybe cut out some of the adverbs at the same time where they are not needed.

I am thoroughly enjoying this and will back it with pleasure. Top stars too.
Jane

i agree with harris below, you don´t need weak adjectives...your writing and story is strong enough. good description. engaging.
j
what every woman should know

I read through the first three chapters and you have a real gift for painting a picture that pulls your reader in. You manage to create your world early and with great detail, which in my opinion, is a hard thing to do. You pitch is great and I really like your story idea. Its original, engaging and made me want to dig into the book as soon as I read it. My only suggestion would be to run a search of your text for words that end in “ly”. You use a lot of weak descriptors (lovingly, desperately, maidenly) in your text and you don’t need them. Your talent stands on its own without them and I think you will find you can just delete 95% of them. Great job and thanks for the read.

You did a great job creating an intricate world with this future earth. The conflict between the species of humans is well done. It seems hard to imagine that all of the technology and signs of past civilizations are gone, but perhaps the lava destroyed most of it. Finding out more about the back story is one of the best hooks here.

The character are great. The slave girl is particularly empathetic. Your writing style is effective here and the descriptions work well.

I noticed some typos so re-read this carefully.

This is a good story and I'll back it. It seems aimed at a traditional scifi audience. Fans of Dune would probably enjoy it.

Brian Bandell
Mute

This is well thought and the complexity of picturing a world that is in effect alien is done smoothly and without ponderous prose. I cannot really find fault, up to chapt 4 anyway, and assuming the story line builds and maintains pace this should be a thoroughly satisfying read to the end. The MS is very clean with no errors that I would note (not being an editor) other that than the one below, which may or may not be an error.
Excellent achievement and I shall back it next time I get a space. High stars for now.

Prologue

- This was the abode of the great god Wolderin, one of many that… || This was (an) abode of the great god Wolderin, one of many that… [the = only one, but then you say ‘of many’ so ‘an’ may be more appropriate]

Andrew

A Fatal Misuse of Time
Short pitch: Ever tried waking up yesterday instead of tomorrow? That is just the beginning of Tristan's troubles as his life is hijacked to reveal the future.

Fun, atmospheric, immersive. I wondered if you named your heroine Anness after (James) Arness (The Thing from Another World). Backed.

I've read the first chapter and found it very good. Immediately I have a sense of excitement brewing.
Lots of enquiries are building in my mind. Who is this Wolderin and will this earthquake (i think that's what it is) take his life?
Yes, you've hooked my interest and I will come back to read some more.
I now need to find out if he survives!
All the best for now, see you again.