Lucid

Well, first I'd like to say it's a tad confusing--hadn't been lucid in five years, but he's been lucid for twelve years. I know what you mean, I think, that he's been doing the dream since twelve years ago but hasn't done it in five years or something? But maybe rephrase so it's less confusing. That said, your writing is absolutely brilliant and mesmerizing. It's just so pretty and made me want to keep reading. The way you described the dream was simple, and yet I pictured it perfectly as the spare descriptions you did have were so poetically rendered. I'm definitely a fan.

Thanks, Jane! I've been battling some insecurity-related writer's block, and this was exactly what I needed. I actually posted the book and then abandoned it for a few days, sure that no one would touch it! I am glad you liked it. I will be taking a look at Wormholes as soon as I get a chance!

Jen,
I read this because I was attracted by the pitch. I instantly liked the characters, who you portray very deftly with a minimum of description. Likewise the setting, the ice cream parlour, the boardwalk, the beach. This is how it should be done, the words kept to a minimum for a greater effect.
I was partly drawn into the story because my dad was Philadelphia Irish and spent his summers as a kid at Cape May. His mother’s sister had a house there, and loads of cats. Must have been Shoobies I suppose. He told us all about the boardwalk.

This is really polished, both the writing and the editing. There are a few minor typos but you’ll spot them all eventually as you edit.

Sometimes the fast pace and the language (which is a bit unfamiliar to me) left me behind and I found it difficult to understand what was going on, but you clarify things very quickly afterwards. Like the end of chapter 3 - ‘I’ll take them closer and closer.’ Chapter 4, I get what he meant.
There is nothing superfluous in this text, you don’t waste time explaining, or giving unecessary detail. Your creation of atmosphere and place is tremendous. Can’t fault it. When’s the next installment coming up?

I’d be interested to hear other comments on the suitability or otherwise of the YA genre tag. Lucid has quite as much swearing as Wormholes does and is as violent. I’d be interested to hear your opinion of it if you get the time.
Lucid gets six easy stars from me, on my watchlist and in line for a place on my shelf.
Jane

Wormholes
The Dark Citadel

This has a really good hook. I read the first chapter and found the descriptions to be very well written without the use of unneeded words. I like the way the story slowly reveals itself. Going on my Watchlist for further reading.

Jen,
I read this because I was attracted by the pitch. I instantly liked the characters, who you portray very deftly with a minimum of description. Likewise the setting, the ice cream parlour, the boardwalk, the beach. This is how it should be done, the words kept to a minimum for a greater effect.
I was partly drawn into the story because my dad was Philadelphia Irish and spent his summers as a kid at Cape May. His mother’s sister had a house there, and loads of cats. Must have been Shoobies I suppose. He told us all about the boardwalk.

This is really polished, both the writing and the editing. There are a few minor typos but you’ll spot them all eventually as you edit.

Sometimes the fast pace and the language (which is a bit unfamiliar to me) left me behind and I found it difficult to understand what was going on, but you clarify things very quickly afterwards. Like the end of chapter 3 - ‘I’ll take them closer and closer.’ Chapter 4, I get what he meant.
There is nothing superfluous in this text, you don’t waste time explaining, or giving unecessary detail. Your creation of atmosphere and place is tremendous. Can’t fault it. When’s the next installment coming up?

I’d be interested to hear other comments on the suitability or otherwise of the YA genre tag. Lucid has quite as much swearing as Wormholes does and is as violent. I’d be interested to hear your opinion of it if you get the time.
Lucid gets six easy stars from me, on my watchlist and in line for a place on my shelf.
Jane

Wormholes
The Dark Citadel