Filthy Luca

From Harper Collins' 'One To Watch' blog:

"What stands out about this “thriller” is the character-focussed narrative – our protagonist, Luca, seems likeable and innocent, reminiscing about family excursions to the pictures, and characters from Disney films. Yet we know from the blurb and the cracking final paragraph of the prologue, that Luca has witnessed something – something terrible – and done nothing; as a reader, my interest was piqued.

I’m also intrigued by the narrative voice, which is knowing, but lightly juvenile in tone. I suspect the narrator might play a crucial role in the story as it progresses, so it will be interesting to see how that develops.

Filthy Luca has just broken the top 30. I’m hoping with a bit more attention, to see it on the desk soon. "

Quite possibly one of the best things I've ever read on Authonomy.

I had to force myself to stop reading this as I've got so many things to do today! I think this is one of the best things I've read on here in a long time. There's such sadness and melancholy in the way you write, but it gripped me. I felt for Luca, the secrets his family are hiding, their heavy conscience ... it's a wonderful read.
I wasn't born in the 70s - but I really felt like you had captured the era perfectly.

I've 6 starred this and added it my shelf - I want to read more, and will definitely be back to finish what you've posted here.

Sam (aka Kara)

Paul,

I've just read the opening two chapters posted here, and was hugely impressed. There is a real confidence and assurance about your writing, which you rarely find on sites like this. So much so, it's hard for me to offer much by way of a critique or any suggestions for improvement.

Here's what I liked best, though.

Firstly, you've got a great hook at end of the first chapter, something which really grabs the reader's attention, and makes them want to read on. Luca is an excellent MC for your story. Seeing things through his youthful eyes really brings the backdrop alive. And perhaps this is the most eyecatching feature of these early pages - the sharp observation, the attention to detail, be it drunks and their cider, Hubba Bubba wrappers, or the old porn mags strewn in the woods - things that ring so true to people of a certain age group, and certainly capture the era in which your story is set.

This is excellent stuff, beautifully written, and if I'd have had more time, I would happily have read on.

Happy to give you a run on my shelf.

Regards

NA 'The Butterfly and the Wheel'

This story is so good! Beautifully written and quite moving. The descriptions are superb and the characters well-described by actions and dialogue. I am sure this will be a high flyer on this site. There are many classic, memorable one-liners in here. The 70's period detail (eg the mustard cars) is spot on and took me right back(not always comfortably). There is terrific attention to detail here. I know I shall be back!

Hi, I've had your story on my watchlist for a while now -- have been meaning to get to it since placing it there because I thought it sounded like something I'd read. University, unfortunately is not kind and I've had so little time to come on here. But finally I've started reading and I have to say I love it. I love the style of writing, how, even though it's in third person, it has the closeness of first person (if that makes sense).

I found myself reading too fast, because I wanted to find out what happened -- but in a good way. Hate it when you're reading something that makes you feel excited but there's so little to hold you in the connecting pages between the 'action' that the excitement ebbs and you give up caring. I didn't have that feeling here.

I will be placing this on my bookshelf while I continue reading (this will be my book to read during my breaks between studying for end of semester exams) :)

Sorry again for taking so long!

Arriane

This reads like a screenplay - which I mean in a good way because it is economical and sparse and the reader feels drawn into the story and is allowed to fill in a some of the background with their own images. I was a bit put off by some of the formatting problems and use of a single quote mark instead of a double, but a good story.

Hello: You're a good writer, this could go over well - your efforts here. I do sugest a coma after the word "Nazi", though. Best of luck, Ron Stephens (Cardinals Elephants and Oos)

G’day! Paul Beattie,

Congratulations, mate!

It’s been a tough road, obviously stressful, but let’s hope it leads you on to a great contract, bags of money, and bigger and better books...

But forget it for now.

Take a few days off.

Go out and celebrate.

You deserve it!

Cheers!

Regards,
KEN BLOWERS
Brisbane, Australia

For your readers who don’t know me so well,
I’m no novelist, but I have put up
6 books of short stories, and
5 books of one-act plays.
Plus a book of 1,000 daily quotations – & another on the way...
Here's the link to see all my book covers at once:
(and my wife loves my draft shopping list every week)
http://www.authonomy.com/managebookshelf.aspx
And this is one for my profile:
http://www.authonomy.com/writing-community/profile/me/?action=updated

This should be on the editor's desk! Happy to back your work. Hope you have time to check out Dark Side by CC Brown Good Luck.
61BBboy

I'm a little late in reading Paul Beattie's "Filthy Luca" (it looks like a sure bet to be on the Editor's Desk in the next couple days), but I'm very glad I've finally gotten here. It's really a top-notch book that deserves it's place in the Top 5. Luca is an interesting, well-developed character with a shady secret--revealed, tantalizingly, at the end of the prologue--and if the plot point isn't enough to grab a reader's interest, the voice certainly is. Add to this interesting story and characterization a smart, well-informed, well-detailed setting, and this looks to be a real winner. I was hooked and I think the editors will be, too.

Hi Paul,

Finally here for our read-swap.

I read the first two Authonomy chapters of Filthy Luca (ie up to your ch 7), then skipped through the rest. This is a masterful piece of writing. Beginning with a strong, instantly engaging start the story never lets up. No matter where I touched down the narrative voice stayed true and the story remained compelling. The sense we have of Luca’s shameful confusion and severed innocence remains through to the conclusion. The imagery is superb throughout and the characterisation excellent. Very occasionally there was a sentence that didn’t appear complete (deliberate I think, but for me it jarred) and there are a few grammatical errors, (eg I went round (to) her house, in Ch 24) but other than that this is an immaculate manuscript.

Well done, Paul. Good luck at the ed’s desk.

Sue

Wow. What can I say?

I like it.

I think you should omit the "technically speaking" as I thought this was a little cliche.

Have starred though, not one star but perhaps a few more than one!

Great story! And congrats on all the attention, making it to the top thirty! Did I mention this is a great story? Ha ha. I'd also like to invite you to take a look at my book, 'Lake Dreams,' you may find it interesting. Dan.

I realised by the end of the prologue that I’ve read this before, and I assume commented, although I think you must have reupped it at some point, or maybe it was on a different site. Not sure what I said last time (no doubt the complete opposite of what I’m about to say), but here are my thoughts this time around.

You have a very strong voice with this, although I’m not sure whose voice it is. Not Luca’s judging by the prologue. I think there are some great lines, some humour, nice turn of phrase. But the pace is very slow, bogged down by the repetition and restating of lines.

I feel this is all intentional and captures the voice you are going for, but at the same time, the voice is so strong I don’t really think you need to do it as much, and for the most part it doesn’t add extra meaning, it’s just for rhythm (IMO).

For example, at the end of the first para you give us the Luca wasn’t impressed line, followed by all the he said this he, said that stuff. Doesn’t really add anything. If you cut it and went straight from 'impressed' to He said he’d seen better... the rugby line is adding something, and funny too. I don't think you'd lose any voice stuff from cutting the two 'He said' lines.

Of course you’re building a rhythm in that bit, but the danger is if you don’t have anything happening or switch up the images you’re creating it will feel more like a stammer than a syncopated beat.

For much of it nothing is happening, it feels very static. You build up a picture of him in the park, you do it very well, but I don’t know why you do it, nothing happens there. Later when he’s interacting with the old man in the back garden and you have a narrative underpinning the stylistic stuff it works great.

It gets convoluted at times. He misses his mum now that she works late. His friends say he’s lucky (so far I’m with you). Then he says he does consider himself lucky (now I’m not so sure, but okay, he misses mum but realises he’s lucky to have freedom), lucky like a one-legged snake (wait, he was being sarcastic? So he doesn’t feel lucky, he really misses his mum?). Mind you he wasn’t always a fan of his mother’s late nights (What? You just made it clear he was never a fan of her late nights). At that point I don’t know whether he’s glad she works late or not. From the general tone I’d say he’s very unhappy she isn’t home earlier like she used to be, but that ‘wasn’t always’ doesn’t make any sense.

I may of course have got hold of the wrong end of the stick.

Technically speaking he’s 12 — I didn’t understand why you used ‘technically’ here. By any definition he’s 12. You seem to be clarifying in case of some misunderstanding, but you haven’t made a case for why we wouldn’t think he’s 12.

Dolores like the Virgin Mary — this was a bit confusing because it doesn’t match the Lola like a showgirl line. Lola like how a showgirl might be called, so Dolores like the Virgin Mary might be called? I feel like your mixing your similes (no idea if simile is the right word). Showgirl is a generic type, while Virgin Mary is an actual individual. Doesn't match.

Overall I’d say the pace was too slow for me and the level of detail excessive — important things and unimportant things seem to get the same amount of attention. It’s a matter of personal preference and balance, but I felt like I got the gist and you kept going for another two or three lines, which I could handle if it was only occasionally or if stuff was going on at the same time, but sitting and thinking while idly looking over the free local gazette was too minutiae intensive for my tastes.

After all these comments below...what the hell can I add.
Very, very well written tale. Great stuff.
Highly rated / starred.
David

(I'm sorry it took so long, I've been really busy.) Your book was... alright, in most respects. I liked the summary, even before I started reading. Luca and Mr. Bettega are interesting, realistic characters. You have regional dialect down very well (though as I'm not too familiar on British dialect, you cannot count on my opinion in that aspect). The emotion behind the scenes is visible but not overwhelming, and doesn't come off in a way that reflects negatively on the characters.
I noticed you put a lot of information in the prologue, which I frown upon mostly because not everyone reads prologues. A prologue adds to the story, but it does not serve as the first chapter, or as a place to put important information. It's an easy mistake, though. I can see how some of the information is repeated in the story, so it's alright. Another thing that irked me was your overuse of semicolons: you use them quite often, and it distracts from the content. Another point is the sheer amount of information within the prologue and chapter one. Some of it can be condensed, or moved to other chapters. Some of it is irrelevant. I'll let you work out what information belongs in which category.
Overall, your story has its ups and downs. If I found it in a bookstore, I might pick it up, but I also might not. It needs some polishing. But the idea is really great, and I hope you continue to write it.

Peace and snowflakes,
Nightskyfantasy

A gripping story from start to finish. I am sure "Filthy Luca" will be granted its own shelf in Waterstones before much longer. Yours Bea

Whoa, I can see why HarperCollins liked this so much. The whole premise of the book is so new and refreshing, that it's actually quite replenishing to read. The way in which you introduce Luca to the story is quite surreal in some ways, and reminds me of an old film I saw once. That goes for the narrative, as well, which I believe is your main strength amidst many. Well done, and keep up the good work :)

Hi Paul,
I read the prologue and part one.
I have to say overall the pace is extremely slow. While reading the prologue, I thought that all this is backstory that could be worked into the story bit by bit. It's better to jump right into the story than to postpone it with a lot of information that I can't memorize. It turns out that chapter one was the same — 90% backstory and information that's irrelevant until I feel some connection with the character and where he's going and what he's trying to accomplish.. It took me 10 or 15 minutes to read those parts, and all I really got from it was that there's a boy who is on his way home and wants to be there before his mom so that he doesn't get scolded. Surely, that could be condensed!
I peeked at the first couple of paragraphs in part two, which is apparently when the action starts. I'd like the story to begin with the action. Why not start there and leave some details for later and leave out any unnecessary details.

Now for some specific comments:
Some of the contractions and colloquial language irritate me. "He'd've" is particularly annoying when written. "Died day before yesterday," could be "He died the day before yesterday," without sacrificing the tone.
"Not worth the price it's printed on" should be "Not worth the paper it's printed on" or "Not worth the price." The way it's written doesn't make any sense because it's not printed on a price.
The gang of older boys is unclear. Is it a suspicious-looking group of hoodlums, or is it an out-and-out gang? He decided to go because he saw them coming his way, is that right? The first time I read it, it sounded like the boys literally persuaded him to go.
"Fag" has another meaning in America, and the word is taboo, even if you only use it to mean cigarette.
When you say "His name is Luca" I can't help but think of Suzanne Vega's hit song that starts out "My name is Luka." Is that a deliberate reference? If uninteded, you might want to consider rewording it to avoid the association.
I'm stopping at chapter one because the story doesn't compel to read further. Wish you all the best.

Sincerely
Scott
The Grand Prize

Hi Paul,
I read the prologue and part one.
I have to say overall the pace is extremely slow. While reading the prologue, I thought that all this is backstory that could be worked into the story bit by bit. It's better to jump right into the story than to postpone it with a lot of information that I can't memorize. It turns out that chapter one was the same — 90% backstory and information that's irrelevant until I feel some connection with the character and where he's going and what he's trying to accomplish.. It took me 10 or 15 minutes to read those parts, and all I really got from it was that there's a boy who is on his way home and wants to be there before his mom so that he doesn't get scolded. Surely, that could be condensed!
I peeked at the first couple of paragraphs in part two, which is apparently when the action starts. I'd like the story to begin with the action. Why not start there and leave some details for later and leave out any unnecessary details.

Now for some specific comments:
Some of the contractions and colloquial language irritate me. "He'd've" is particularly annoying when written. "Died day before yesterday," could be "He died the day before yesterday," without sacrificing the tone.
"Not worth the price it's printed on" should be "Not worth the paper it's printed on" or "Not worth the price." The way it's written doesn't make any sense because it's not printed on a price.
The gang of older boys is unclear. Is it a suspicious-looking group of hoodlums, or is it an out-and-out gang? He decided to go because he saw them coming his way, is that right? The first time I read it, it sounded like the boys literally persuaded him to go.
"Fag" has another meaning in America, and the word is taboo, even if you only use it to mean cigarette.
When you say "His name is Luca" I can't help but think of Suzanne Vega's hit song that starts out "My name is Luka." Is that a deliberate reference? If uninteded, you might want to consider rewording it to avoid the association.
I'm stopping at chapter one because the story doesn't compel to read further. Wish you all the best.

Sincerely
Scott
The Grand Prize

Dear Paul:

What a surprising ending to your story! It's fabulous! Congratulations on being no 2! Thank you for having a peek at our book! Thank you for your comments! Tarri and Denys

started reading this and quickly got absorbed. Nice style and easy to read. I have added it to my bookshelf so I can continue reading it. Sarah x

Can only marvel at the story-telling. I enjoyed immensely the switch between '79 and the war in Italy, the old man's fascist background and the air of the sinister about him in the modern day with Luca. It's all building towards 'something', something mind-blowing, or tragic, I can sense this. and that's the mark of a brilliant writer.

Wow- this is brilliant. The writing is flawless, and the prologue packs a punch that will ensure the reader's attention will be hooked. Although it isn't the kind of thing I usually read, I can see why it's in the top 5. Six stars, and best of luck with the editor's desk!
Emma

Hook-and-stick prose
Good

WL

JS

Hi Paul. I think - without stating the obvious - you have a winner. I like the way you have created a need in the reader's mind to find out exactly what Grandad did and why Luca took the money. You deserve to be at the top and the comments from Harper Collins will do you no harm. Well done and if you get a moment please comment on "Who, me? Dead?" Thanks Michael

I just finished chapter "1", really 1-3, and I can see why this caught the attention of so many readers. The narrative is rich and compelling, I look forward to reading more.

Only a few passages gave me pause:

1) Would a twelve year old boy describe the light of a lamp as a glowing golden daffodil?
2) The description of the clock's hands as being skew-whiffed from the perpendicular seems a bit over the top. Not every item needs a poetic description, more constrained prose as a rule makes the sublime stand out even more.

But, those issues are minor. I'm stashing this one on my shelf.

J. T. Carroll

This is pretty powerful stuff - I'm in awe! You are absolutely deserving of your ranking and I'm backing you to keep you up there on the desk.

Your prologue sets up a great narrative voice with a shock at then end to keep the reader intrigued. The main text is tight and evokes a lot of memories. I'm a little younger than Luca would be now, but not by much and it dredges up memories of my eighties childhood. You also do brilliantly at exploring the mind of a 12 year old boy. I can't really find anythign to critque at this stage and I'm definitely going to keep reading!

Dear Paul
I've just read you first few chapters and want to read more. So far the plot is engaging and Luca believeable - at twelve/thirteen. I like the first confrontation scene in chapter two. It certainly packed a punch and sets the tone for wht's to come (i'm sure)! I'll continue reading but at this stage you have an excellent novel.
All the best
Bridget
The Road from Makhonjwa

Hey,
I agree with Terence (my partner) because we both sat on together and read it a few hours ago.

This isn't my normal type of thing, but from what i have read this is very well written. Strong story and can't wait to find time to read some more.

Hello Paul,
You asked me to take a look at your book, and I have, and for which I thank you. This is really impressive stuff. The hook at the end of the prologue leaves the reader hungry for more, as a result I have read to the end of chapter 7, and will be coming back for more when time allows .I now have a fair idea of what Luca saw, but no doubt I will be proved wrong as the story develops.
I love your attention to period detail. Filthy Luca is clearly extremely well researched, as is seen when the narrative moves backwards and forwards between 1979 and 1945.
There are some beautifully descriptive phrases, my favourite being - “the low-slung November sky already on the march from ash to asphalt.”
I have no doubt you will go all the way with this. It is so well crafted with such plausible characters.
Filthy Luca will be staying on my shelf and be backed when I am able to find the space. I have given you 6 stars.
Amelia Curzon
Mungai and the Goa Constrictor

The last chapter in the Prologue certainly sets up the conflict—interesting. You have some very good turns of phrase—“dripping blood over the whisky tumblers and coffee cups in the sink,” “Living…is best done by the young,” “no friends to sit with on Sunday after church,” “they only have a mother in common,” “his star-fished shape.” Hmm, “a fun-sized” stroke? Not sure about that one, even from a character's viewpoint.

I find the chapters that have dialogue keep my interest more than the chapters that are all description. I’ll put this on my watchlist and come back to it as I have time to read more.

Extremely well written and thoroughly engaging. Clearly a lot of effort and hard work has gone into this. Piques the interest from the first page and one can truly identify with the carefully crafted characters. Good stuff. Certainly deserves publication - I for one would definitely buy it!

Congratulations on making it to the editor's desk. This is a gripping tale and told in a very strong narrator's voice. You've let the reader in on just enough information to drive them to read on. Great job.

I wish you the best with the story.
Jennifer - The Legend of the Traveler: Willow's Journey.

Completely unsurprising that "Filthy Luca" has rocketed up the Authonomy charts and is now sitting pretty for the Editors' Desk.

This is a thoroughly flawless effort into which have clearly gone many years of careful craft. Complex yet very readable, well plotted, a great realistic setting (important for me), well-drawn characters and an engaging young protagonist in Luca, a likeable young man who SEEMS to be coping (with the resilience of youth?) rather too easily with the dark secret he's carrying.

Even the blurb is perfect. If there HAS to be one thing I don't like... dare I say it's the title? :-(

Shelved. Desked. What have you. Well done!

Hi Paul,
Usually I prefer stories about horses, but you have such a strong voice, and your characters so real, I decided I just had to saddle up and ride this one until I see it in print.

ILoveHorses

FILTHY LUCA
PAUL BEATTIE
hullo Paul. you are a fine historian taking you readers to far away places illustrated with character's believable in nature. Very good. Know you are busy on the top of the list but please take a look at my MS and thank you for that. LLL

I will read with eagerness, well done! If you have time could you read my small book "Be The Human Sunshine" I would appreciate your comments. Clare :)

Hi Paul,

First of all, I really enjoyed the first few parts of your book. I still haven't read the others. My eyes get tired easily. Anyway, I'm not a professional in this, just an enthusiast, but I think it was great writing. There's no doubt it's the 'One To Watch'.

Although it wasn't the genre I'm into, I am so interested in the story and about the narrator of the story. There's just so much insight in this. I can somehow relate to Luca that's one of the points why I really really liked your work. Thank you for inviting me to read this. It's great and I hope great things will happen to this book.

-Cres A. Jane-

I love this thriller and so far am hooked, well done, excellent writing too..!

Saerawrites

This is going straight onto my shelf! I'm hooked and I'm am sorry to have to stop because I have to sleep!

Fantastic narrative and imagery. Such a clever way with words and you get your points across succinctly and distinctly. I've no idea about guns but KNEW the word was "Luger" even though I've never heard of it. The way you introduced that was pure genius.

I'm excited by this.

Very, very well done. Six well earned stars and I can't see anything bumping you off my shelf anytime soon!

You had me hooked after reading the intro, I had to know "what he saw"! Amazing work I loved it!

i can see why this is a popular read. luca is constantly reminded of a lapse in judgment he still doesn't fully realize was wrongly thrust at him; and at the expense of hindering relationships with his family, friends and willing partners he seems to pay for it in every chapter. no letdown with the ending, i was content to see some closure, and clever that it coincides with shedding the memory's harbinger from his life as well.

i would be surprised not to see this book get its recognition in the next few weeks. great work.

First thoughts: you have a silky narrative style, an incredible depth of imagery, and a strong main character - Luca's personality leaps straight off the page.
Brilliant hook at the end of the prologue, and I also liked the scene in chapter two with the old man and the gun. Luca's feelings were very clear and the way he tried to remember the name of the gun was realistic and perfectly appropriate.
It isn't a surprise to see the book doing so well, and I hope it continues to be a success.

all the best to you...

Can see why it is where it is - Brilliantly written perspective from Luca in the form of the narrative, enhances the plot brilliantly. Impressive piece - Good luck for the rest of the month - Ian

The writer comes across detached from his characters, we are told what Luca is thinking but we don't feel it. I can't believe in something that the writer does not seem to.

Congratulations Paul on reaching number one! Well done!

Read the first four chapters and liked the narrative style of writing and the flash back to 1945 in chapter 4; time permitting i will read more as the main theme has not yet been revealed.

One for my bookshelf.

Good luck

Regards

Peter

Paul, you filthy author. I "took a peek" to see what I'd be reading in a few day's time. Now I'm half way through the book. Damn you. I had obligations for tonight. I hope Shere Khan eats you, but not before your book is published. It's too good. Thank you.

I like the direct narrative style in the first chapter contrasted with the more traditional style following. Personally, I prefer past tense, in general, but the present works well here. The short chapters and paragraphs invite reading. The plot is interesting and develops well. I warmed to the character of Luca and liked old man Bettega's crotchiness. Glad to see this in the top five.

Paul,

Getting into "Filthy Luca" was stepping through a portal into Luca's mind and meandering through observances so uniquely presented, I continued on. Like being in a fun house, one surprise leading me to the next. Your introspective style and use of the present tense kept me in the here and now of Luca's recollections whether in the seventies or Il Duce's time. You have a way with words both lyrical and impacting at the same time, never dull, never prosaic, even when describing mundane activity. Thank you for the intriguing read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Hi Paul,
Congratulations on reaching the Editor's Desk. Hope April doesn't drag too much. I'm sure you'll still be there at the end of it, because in the chapters I've managed to read, you've created a likable character in Luca, whom I quickly grew to care about.
My only comment it that when Old Man Bettaga invites Luca into his house, I think you could squeeze more drama out of the situation by not saying 'true to his word, he has his patient all patched up and out of the door within 5 minutes.' By withholding this information until the end of the scene, you'll have your reader concerned about Luca's safety while he's in the gun-toting old man's house, hoping he's going to be let out.
A small detail of course, and feel free to ignore it! Look forward to reading what Harper Collins make of it in a month's time or so.

Cheers

Jon Lymon