Tales from the Whore's Handbag

Okay. When writers tell me they're going to be "playing with the form," I cringe. Usually this means they have had enough of trying to construct a proper paragraph, work out the pacing issues with their 5000 page opus or simply have got sick of being told they have too many run-on sentences. Playing with the form is usually code for lazy writing.

Since I have nothing to compare this book to I don't know if this is all intentional or the work of a mad person who just doesn't know. Ultimately every book has the same basic job to do, namely, hold the reader and deliver on whatever promise was made by the opening bits.

I think this book does that. I still don't know if I'd buy it but it certainly won't let me stop reading. And it made me smile and chuckle. You're backed. Let an editor figure out if the format is a deal-breaker. Not my job.

This is so unexpected and strange, but in a good way. At first I thought this must be a joke. A purse telling a story. Then I started reading, and it didn't matter. It was hilarious either way. This should be a play some where in Vegas off the strip somewhere if you can get Fifi the Clutch to go with it. She's kind of sassy you know. (She's my favorite purse.) Your list of characters get better as you go. The Three Muffketeers, Slick Dick and let's not forget the infamous Mr. Purse. I must say that I'm not sure where this could possibly go from here, but I'm glad you brought to us. I loved the wry, off-color sense of humor and the unique twist on the generic handbag. My question is should I back this? It's not something I would expect to find at my local book store, but maybe that's okay. They can make a category just for you, Mr. Purse. I think I will put this on my shelf and let the publishers figure out the details. You are an odd duck, and it's a pleasure to have read your story. Are there any other accessories coming out to speak?

Mr Purse,

I read a bit more, and I still think this is a total hoot. It's very new and original, and totally different. Sure, if I went over it with a fine-tooth comb, I could perhaps find a few adverbs you might cull or strange sentences you could re-word, but I'm seeing confident prose written by a writer who doesn't need his/her (somehow I feel Mr Purse is female) hand held when editing, so I'll leave that up to you. I promise I'll shelve this within the next few days.

Very clever, very amusing, very different, very well written, very different (did I mention that already?). As someone else has said, not sure exactly where or how it fits in to any particular genre or medium, but that is not my problem either.

Backed.

Terry
Weekend in Weighton

This is about the wackiest thing I have ever read. I have a rule when reading comedy:- If it makes me laugh out loud I back it. It did and I do.

Clever title and pitch! The font made it hard to read, but I enjoyed what I did. I'm picky when it comes to chic lit but this was entertaining!
xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Creative and witty! A fun read!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe
Would you consider backing MEMORIES OF GLORY? I thank you for taking a look.

Probably the most original work on Authonomy! What fun and games. Backed Gordon -The Harpist of Madrid

Many people have already said that this is a strange piece, unique and stand-alone, and that's a good thing. originality is worth it's weight in gold in a saturated market, and this is funny, engaging, and enjoyable. It does what a good book should do.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Clever and witty idea, and pulled off well. Happy to back this for you.
Please consider taking a look at my book, The Job.
Craig

Mr Purse, this is a creative, smooth read. I am still chuckling after reading Act 1.

Good job overall. Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

A protagonist with a unique view on life gives an interesting perspective to surroundings. Backed. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

I've read books before written by dogs, cats and horses but never by a purse so this was a treat to read. You have a marvelous sense of humor. Reading it is like being a fly on the wall in Hollywood. Well done. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Crazy and high and dry. Just how I like it. I will read more. BACKED!
Best wishes, Barry
(Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

Hilarious! Brilliant! Backed!

This is a totally unique concept in writing! I have not seen anything like an inanimate object telling a story and was drawn in by the pitch, curious yet skeptical - what a pleasant surprise. This is hilarious and well written and makes guess the actual real characters we see and read about in National Enquirer. Backed!!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Don’t know what planet your on, but can I join you? This is totally off the wall, totally different and totally great (well in my world)

Different.
Funny.
Unique? I haven't read anything like this.

BACKED

Original, hilarious....on the shelf.

sue sohn

This is really funny. I really like the idea. :))

-Nenia

I have to admit that I have some mixed feelings about this one. It's a clever concept, and the cast of characters promises an engaging read - but personally I've never been able to empathize with inanimate objects as central characters in a story. Even when they are enchanted (e.g. Beauty and the Beast) I've just struggled with the idea and thus this is something that I probably would not purchase on my own. There may indeed be a niche market though - and the writing is very smooth. Women in particular will probably like the irony.

Of them all -- I did like Fifi the best (good manners wins in the end). I hope you have good luck with this.

This makes The Vagina Monlogues seem like a vicarage tea party! It's so zany and dry-witted that it would curdle milk. I sense a highly-intelligent, non-conformist, disilusioned brain at work, and I love anything that is out of the ordinary, which this most cretainly is. I'm delighted to back it. Best wishes, Tony.

mr purse, i was genuinely struck by the originality of your story and its format and for this i make space, not at the back of my closet NB, but on my shelf.

there is such a lot to admire here but i feel that to justify the format it needs to be sharper still. i haven't checked how long this has been uploaded but i am wondering if you have edited vigorously since you started getting feedback.

i think the format works - but discussing it doesn't.

the real strength here is the humour and, for my money, this comes across most acutely in the dialogue between the inhabitants of mr purse. i found the narrative proper less interesting. i am not going to make suggestions about which way to go but i feel that with significant and worthwhile work, this could be something not just gimmicky but fabulously original. i don't feel it's there yet, but what a start!

i hope this isn't too annoying to read. i'm just coughing up my honest opinion and i would be really interested to see what this work could become.
xx
m
THE ETON MOTHERS' HANDBOOK

Great fun and very very funny! I don't know if you are mad or a genius but I do know that I like this! Backed!
Simon

Dear Mr. Purse,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. A cursed purse is a delightful premise for a main character, and to top that you have a fun writing style. I relished your phrases like “without a peep from her perfect Irish pout” and “I must ring my faerie bells to clear the negative juju”. Loved hearing about the purse’s creeds, fears and aspirations. You have an interesting way of telling this story, through the diaries and purses.

In my fallible opinion, you could make your story even better by deleting “main reason this story is even worth telling.” I’m not comfortable with this and feel you’re selling yourself short. “Lead character” is a perfectly fine way to end the paragraph.

This small matter aside, I enjoyed your story. Bravo! Backed.

Best wishes,
Alan Marling

This is so different! An unusual, amusing and slightly bizarre romp. Love it! Backed.
Nitpick: In the first section by Fifi the clutch - (red-headed, elegant sex on 5'11...' think there should be a 'legs' at the end of this.

Geez, I have no idea if this is marketable or not. But the fact that you succeeded in having me read through an entire chapter that involves a purse as the main character says a lot. I suffer from hysterical blindness if I spend more than 3 minutes in a shopping mall.

Backed.

Different, interesting, experimental at times but what a star you have in that purse!
Unique. Backed.

This book is certainly different, in a very good way. The characters, from Mr Purse and his contents, to Celia and Cherry, are all so individual and funny, and Celia and Cherry themselves are sweet and lovable as well as amusing. This reminds me a little of Gentlemen Prefer Blondes: in both books, because of the characters and their entertainment value, we are happy to ignore any question of morality, as least as far as sexual morality is concerned. There are still goodies and baddies. Lord Bart, for instance, is definitely a baddie; and Celia, when she is rescuing Cherry from the dungeon, is a goodie. The jokes come thick and fast, the characters are well worth reading about and enjoying, the story moves quickly from one fast-paced happening to the next. Cherry learning to write in her journal particularly appeals to me. 'Note to Self: 'I am happy to be living my dream.' This is great. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Giving an purse a voice. well I must say, Haha.
This was positively one of the most unique things I have read on here. What a wild ride that ensues. I love different. I love something that can grab my attention by the title and pitch alone, you sold me then. When i started to read i was pleased to see the wit and clever humor that presided within the pages.
Backed.
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

I needed something fun to finish off my reading tonight and this fitted the bill perfectly! I thought I was a bit bonkers once for writing a story from the POV of a dog - but serious respect for putting the purse in the limelight.
Laughed a lot. Wonder if it can be sustained but, hey, who cares frankly - this certainly worked for me.
Just one thing - hate the font!
Backed for balls
Jane
WALKER

Hi Mr Purse, at first I was a little confused as you jumped from the purses to the people but I got the hang of it and the humour is great. How can I not back something that brings the inanimate to life! Shelved, Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

Sorry, really not to my taste..

This is a much-needed anti-thesis to the shameless facade of Hollywood. I applaud your bravery and hope you don't get attacked by the Actors Guild or something because of it!

Andrew

I didn't take me too long to get into this. So original. Now when I go out in public I don't just have to worry about my kids behaving, I have to worry about my purse. On my shelf. C.P

Every so often somebody here throws conventional rules out the window and gets away with it, just like with this. It took a bit to get used to but after a while I was navigating pretty easily because the wit is something that can't be ignored.

I finally settled on this being a adult 'Toy Story,' but for personal accessories and not children's toys. Would make a good Vegas or other high entertainment venue show.

And you can't go wrong putting a Texan in any work.

SHELVED.

I found this book amusing and rude. I am backing it for its breathtaking originality.
BADD

This is a delicious form of writing. I was drawn in from page one! I don't think there is anything about this book I DIDN'T enjoy! Shelved :)

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

My word, you're different! In a good way. Very refreshing, funny, occasionally downright vulgar, I love it. You clever, clever person. On my watch list pending return of internet access, waiting with eager anticipation.
Jared

This would read better for me if I was to see more image, or to get a feeling. You do this in places, but a little more? If we could feel Purse is in the dark, or feel the cold. I know it will be difficult but it would make your book, which is already very, very good, into a fabtastic piece of writing. So, more showing & feeling, and less telling the reader.

However, there's enough here for me so it is at least on my watchlist. I have more time for reading in a couple of weeks and I intend to come back to this.

John.

The Men Who Ran Away.

Something stimulating and original here: part novel, part performance piece. I admire the way you've woven together several very different and in any other circumstance downright incompatible themes and genres - and it works beautifully. All held together by Mr Purse, Fifi the Clutch and their bickering contents. Funny, moving, fascinating and thrilling by turns. And some beautiful and striking imagery too: "She came into the workshop smelling... like water-drenched lavender"; "his feet performing an unnatural dance to his grave"; "lecherous leprechaun lime".

Backed.

lol...Lord Burt. That was funny.

I'm at odds with this. First, I'm not a purse or shoe person, they do nothing for me. While I did enjoy the banter inside the purse, I'm not sure how I feel reading it. I'd love to see this in a film, or stage play, but it's not doing it for me in a book. However....

I absolutely loved the story told by the girls! That's chick lit at it's finest. The other is just too distracting for me...unless again this was made into a script. Have you thought about doing that?

I'm also not sure about the line dashes. Can you use Italics instead? It's just odd.

Anyway I shall shelve for a bit becuase I loved the girls and their antics.

Sangay Glass
Kate, Blue Jeans, and a Single Shot

Why has this book, which has been on the site for some time, not done better. Well, so it is pretty zany and not very well organised, but it is very good fun and full of zest from the word go. I am putting it on my watch list at once.

Hey there, Purse, would you care to look at mine.... David Brett

Mr Purse, your characters might not be human, but they're some of the realest and funniest I've met. You're a joy. Shelved.
Lynn

There's so much to like about this work: the title, the premise, pitch, the character names... and that's all before the action begins with some hilarious lines. The style takes some getting used to and, to be honest, it did detract from the quality of the comedy at times. However, the more I read the more I liked it and so I think you're actually done something very clever. Fun and original. Shelved.

Lisel
Isis In Crisis

Hi Mr Purse

I love the structure of this, it's such a good idea and let's you move around from story to story without the boring unnecessary explanations. Great characters too. Shelved.

Nicole

This is such a fantastic read that's written in such a unique way that there's no way I can nitpick it. Love the characters and I love that they've got so much character. I'll give this a spell on my shelf.
Cealarenne
THE GUARDIAN OF LESSER THINGS

Ok here I am. You read my review of Snarl so you know how I roll! Write as I read, so here goes.

Hmm… right away I’m wondering if I’m about to read a play, or a novel. Not sure if that would attract me if I picked this up in a bookstore. Will read on though.

Kinda funny though….the descriptions… will read on.

Ok, there are too many bags/characters to read all the way through, so I’m skipping past them now, which might not be what you want the reader to do….

Lots of white space… is this it….? Oh, Act 1

Here goes again.

Ok, it’s a bit odd, but I keep on reading, but now you’ve thrown me. Mr. Purse is owned by Lady Livingstone, but then you say ‘my Master’s chagrin’ indicating a man, not a woman. I thought you mean her husband, but if you do, then the husband would not be Mr. Purse’s master because he doesn’t belong to him. This causes me to re-read and we don’t want our reader to have to go back and read again to figure out what’s happening. It’s confusing.

Oh and by the way, I’ve not read any of your reviews so I’m not influenced by anything others have said. I don’t know if they’ve pointed this out or not.

Back to the task at hand. Ok, the master thing is bugging me. Do you mean the original shop owner? If so, once purse belonged to Lady L. he would no longer be his master anyway. Ok I re-read (again), and I figure that’s what you mean, but I really think you need to clean this up to avoid confusing other challenged readers like me.

I do like Mr. Purse’s voice though. He’s entertaining.

Haha, I like Lip Schtick’s interruption! Funny.

Ok, this is growing on me now, it’s funny she was buried with the red clutch! I am liking the voice, and it certainly is an original story. Different.

A ‘novel play’. I think this must be unique! You are starting to convert me. I’m reading on.
Hahahaa, I’m laughing while I’m reading this and already know I’m going to shelve it. The convo between lippy, fifi, and purse is hilarious.

Ahghghggh!! You did the one thing that drives me absolutely nutso when I’m reading. You put text in (brackets)! It always stops me as a reader, I hate it. BUT – This is a novel play… and I guess we do have brackets in plays, so I can convince myself on this one novel, to bear with it.

Right, you pain in the ass/arse – depending on where you live. You have me accepting that we now have diary entries included in this craziness! It’s nuts, but it’s working!

Oh no, we now have the diaries talking! What are you doing? This is so funny. Take out the beginning bit of cast of characters (though I see why you need them) and I’d buy it. Yes I would. In a book though, you could have that cast like a contents page so it wouldn’t be so distracting.

This is so freakin funny!

The dungeon! Oh no! HC have to buy this, someone has to buy it.

One nitpick. In the States and Canada, they don’t know what ‘knickers’ means in the UK. They use this horrible ugly word that I can’t speak, it’s ‘panties’ ugughghgghhg!! I hate that word. Anyways, maybe you’re American and know this already, in which case, in what context are you using the word? Do you mean like the old fashioned knickerbockers? If you do, I’d use Knickerbockers because if you say knickers in the UK, it means female underwear.

Ok back to the story.

I love the cell phone! You must be American/Canadian, because if you were in the UK, you’d call it a mobile. Take note of the ‘knickers’ comment above. As you can see, I’m not leaving the story to go check out where you’re from. Calling a bag a purse is a good enough indicator anyway that you’re writing from a North American perspective.

I’m bi-lingual you see. I speak British English, and Canadian English.

Hahaha glowing vibrators!

I’m beginning to think you’re bi-lingual too. Knockers is such an English word.

You’ve brought life in inanimate objects. Truly fantastic. Yes, you can quote that!

Do you realise how many times I’ve used exclamation marks in this review? I loathe too many of them, but I can’t help it.

Ok, I see you do know the use of the knickers word as you’re now interchanging it with the ‘p’ word. Sorry, can’t type that word more than once. Ughghg. So, that being the case, change the ‘knickers’ in the leprechaun bit. Not sure what though, unless you use knickerbockers, ok, shit, I have to go check out a leprechaun pic…

Right, I researched. I can’t believe I’m researching something for a review…. Checking on images and on instructions for leprechaun outfits, they seem to most commonly be called ‘pants’. That’s what I’d call them too, but it’s entirely up to you. Unless your leprechaun had no pants on, and we were seeing his knickers, in which case he would be a girl dressed up as a guy… now you’re making me as crazy as your story….

Oh poor Mr. Purse. This is all so degrading for him…

I read to the end of this piece. Wish I had time to read more.

Closing comments. This is a fantastic read once you get past the huge cast of characters, which I skipped past after the first few. However in a paper book form, this could easily be kept separate from the story.
I am amazed that you pulled me into this, but happy that you did. Highly original, at least I’ve never seen anything like this before.

Yes you are about to grab my last shelf spot. I would back you twice if it would help, but it won’t.

I cannot diss this novel play. I really wish you well with it, and hope to see it on a bookshelf in a store window one day.

Lorrii

Very ,very funny, particularly the snippy asides between the main character, Mr Purse himself, and the other objets that inhabit his world. Funniest handbag (sorry, purse) since the one that starred in the Importance of Being Earnest. Original. On the shelf.

I have been reading this in instalments and there are real gems scattered throughout. My biggest complaint is the font, I simply cannot read much of it at once. However, this is one of the most original thoughts someone else ever had. On my shelf. Patrick Barrett (Shakespeares Cuthbert)

The mixed-up, muliple POVs reminds me of a hybrid of 'Our Town' and 'The Rules of Attraction'. Innovation and originality is the key here. Sometimes it's scary to get a head of the curve but what the hell, all the ones you do remember are the ones who don't follow a formula. Shelved.

If you get a chance, I would love to hear your commentary (and possible backing if it's good enough)
Cheers! JC
The Obergemau File

Your gripping title caught my eye. I love the concept and content. But I found reading in 'play format' slowed me down. I think it would be easier to read if it were punctuated as speech. I saw Mr Purse as a well do gentlemen, a Duke or similar. He was initially quite well spoken, until he mentioned the 'dodgy life' he was to lead when the wardrobe opened. This is inconsistent characterization, in my minds eye he was the Royal Butler of the Dressing Room, his narrative from that point on slipped a few times.. I couldn't imagine this working as a play because the actors would be purses and handbags, so why write it as a play...You have a bunch of original characters, with interesting and comical diaglogue, a great concept and a compelling story. But the reader has to take more time than necessary to find that out......

It's a very entertaining concept. But ultimately not my cup of tea, I'm afraid. The invite to read is appreciated all the same.