The Timekeeper: Nick of Time

Believable? Compelling storyline? Engaging, charming characters?

Yes to all the above! This is a fun trip, a boy and a girl born four centuries apart---ahhh, a very young Dr. Who!

Liked the imagery of the horsemen, at the point where Wendy makes her presence known to Nick. Like the inference that the-world-as-we-know-it ends in 2012, the Mayan calendar thing, that's a great touch.

I'll come back to finish this when I need cheering up, since it's that kind of a book.

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS!!! Thank you for your wonderful, deligthful story. I pray you get published. You deserve it!

Books by V.C. Stone
Nandi and the Renewal of Serenity, Away in a Toy Store. The Red Shoes Behind Grandma's Door, Under the Ole' Oak Tree, Maybelline and The Caterpillar, GOSSIP Series

A good read for children. I always read what HC had to say if a book has reached the eds desk and I was shocked when they high-lighted the age that came over. I too thought I was reading about a young child. I only read a short piece so didn't get to where you had stated ages. Are you working on this? HC seem to think it could be placed if you got this and a couple of other things right so it must be worth it. I think, too, though they didn't mention it, that a more active voice would help this process. Little children can be 'told' a story, but YA's need to feel the action. Something like:

Nick started to lift the lid, but stopped within seconds, his hand holding the lid ajar. Fear tickled his spine. A blue glow seeped out from the device. He didn't move as he watched it spill further and further into the room.

The initial shock passed. Nothing more had happened. No explosion; no weird laser cutting him into pieces. He could just put it back and forget it...

The voice ages, the pace ups and the action happens. If this is applied throughout I think it would go a long way to help in bringing your excellent work to publishable standard. Good luck. Will put on shelf for a short time as I have a lot of promises to fulfill. Best Wishes, Mary

After reading the first four chapters, I am enjoying the story. The chapters open and close with action, which is a great way to keep a reader hooked. I like where the plot is going. Your setting descriptions are great.

There are some ways to make this better. The dialog is flat in many places. Try saying them out loud. They lack personality. You should use dialog to inject personality into characters. Think of colorful or expressive ways to say things that tell the reader something about the character. Try it with Nick's grandfather and with Wendy. Shouldn't Wendy have a weird accent?

Also, use Nick's memory instead of just stating the past. For instance, instead of saying he wasn't popular in school, when he sees his school have him remember a time he stood in a certain spot and got picked on or rejected. Make his memories of specific meaningful events come up as he wonders through his crushed town.

This is a good start. If you haven't done so already, write through the final chapter and then polish it up.

No wonder this got HarperCollins' attention. Congratulations on the review. It's an intriguing, well written story. Like HarperCollins, I had some trouble understanding Wendy as a librarian. Why is Nick so eager to believe her if she is only his age or younger? Also, we know next to nothing about her. When Nick first saw her what did he see? Was she dressed like him or differently? I'm backing this and look forward to reading more as the story progresses.

The description you've laced throughout your writing had me feeling as if I was there, and I felt what your character felt. Your story hooks the reader, and kidnaps them on a wild ride I didn't want to leave. I knew by your cover alone I would enjoy the story (I'm one of those people who do read books by their cover!)

Anyway, continuing.. Here you have the perfect example of a childrens book which keeps adults entertained at the same time! You have me hooked! And I will be back for more.

Ashley | Morningside

Hey I heard Glenn Beck (on the radio) talking about the book "Nick of Time" by Ted Bell where a boy named Nick has a time machine. He highly recommended it to his audience of over 5 milltion people.

Hmmm... did you two guys merge and change your names to Ted Bell?

Interesting, good flow. took a peek at about half way in and read a good bit. seemed like nick was a little on the (forgive me) stupid side.

I love it when "children's" books don't oversimpify things. This has enough about it to interest a child (and me) and enough to get them to accidentally learn along the way. Vocabulary great, grammar great, storyline great, excellent all-rounder. Good luck!

congrats!

Hehe, I just read a chapter of this while listening to the Back to the Future Soundtrack by Alan Silvestri. I highly recommend it. :P

Hey Guys,
This book has adventure written all over it. Love Nick and Wendy and the Chronomech, it reminds me of the original K9 the way he speaks to them. Really easy and enjoyable read, it grabs you and you lose time,
love it
kent

Wow! Fast paced, enjoyable story. Nice.

A very fun story here. The beginning is good, setting up Nick's voice and his adventures throughout time. Time travel is a sticky wicket to play with, but it's done in a charming manner here. Thanks for the read.

Shelved.

i shelved this awhile ago but forgot to comment :)
this is one of my favorites. I'm a sucker for the little things like your superb descriptions like "Moonlight lay scattered" or "iron-gray clouds" beautiful and brillant. this better get published! Harpercollins will be a foool to pass this up.
-Cara

Not the best YA I've ever read but not the worst either. So shelved for some merit.

Hi, this is a very exciting read even for someone well outside the target age group!
I was slightly put off by the writing style at first - I feel there are some stilted moments near the beginning but I can't quite work out why - though it might just be me trying to think as a much younger person or something. But I felt it really took off when Wendy appeared on the scene.
Good luck with it on and after the ED!

I've read through to Ch4 and liked what I've read enough to back the book - if you want feedback, let me know - I haven't really got time to offer thoughtful comments before the deadline passes ... gotta go shop for food'n'stuff now.

Rik

Tom,

Managed to read this before leaving!
This is excellent stuff: a mix of Doctor Who and Back to the Future (perhaps that is what the surname 'Fox' is a nod to?). Very well written; descriptive without being overwritten, poised and crystalline prose, and of course, a great premise to boot. Shelved eaily. Good luck for tonight!

PeeJay

Hi Tom

Great fun! Fire up the DeLorean...

Very pacy, light and entertaining - a feel good read

Good luck at the Ed's desk!!

Backed
Kind regards
David (Just a One Night Stand)

I did a quick read, and it was a good story. (Reminded me of a TV show I use to watch when I was a kid.) My kid would enjoy it.
Backed

Jill

It's great! I love it. I can't wait to read the rest. It's the kind of book that makes you smile and want more. I wasn't even feeling bad, but after I read I was smiling and happier. Not a lot of people can actually accomplish this. Good luck with this, it's simply magnificent.

Luna

A great start to the story, and as far as I had time to read a good follow through. I'm backing it now but will enjoy coming back to it to read more.
Good luck
Charles
Tambow

All I can say is you deserve to be where you are. This is winning stuff. I loved the opening sentence and then the vividness of the description with the shed's smells evoked brilliantly. Then the story gets going and has everything - sad background, fast pace, a sympathetic character, huge adventure... Great cliff-hanger at the end of Ch 3 too. You kept me reading. So I wish you well on the editor's desk and a great future.
BV

I don't think I can tell you anything you didn't know, since you're ranked so high :) but I do have a few comments.
I like your main character-- he is immediately believable and acts his age. His reactions are realistic, even in his new, fantastic surroundings. The grandfather is also a well-drawn character.
You made an interesting choice in your description of the "time machine", avoiding specifics. This bothers me a little, as someone (ie a scientist) who is obsessive about detail and accuracy, but it works for your story (because you definitely don't want to fall into the trap of trying to overexplain).
Given the fantastic premise, however, your characters and smooth writing style help the reader to suspend disbelief 100%. That's what a good story is all about, right?

Hi Nick/Justin
This is superb. Tight and gripping, great use of description and place and a great sense of adventure. Loving it. Good luck with it! About to be backed...
All the best,
JG Reynolds (Head, Heart & Trousers).

One of the most beautiful and memorable first lines of a book I have ever come across. The premise and opening segments of the book are utterly enthralling, enough to make the reader’s pulse quicken with every paragraph. The characters take on shape, form and substance straight away, and are instantly likeable.

There are a few tiny changes that I could suggest, but that might purely be because my intonation and style differ from yours.

I feel very drawn to this story, and will pop it on my shelf and cross my fingers and toes for you!

Best,
Lorien

Hi. I have only read one chapter of this because I'm waiting to read your other book, the one you wrote with Annie.
I don't know science fiction, so I'll stick to generalities.
The writing is uncluttered and gets straight on with the story. I found myself well immersed in it despite the fact that apart from the sky and the strange machine there were very few visuals. I would have liked to be able to see the grandfather especially and found it a bit weird that when Nick opened the shed in the second section he noticed everything about the light, the yellow and the blue, but nothing of his grandfather. I found out later he wears glasses but only because there was a blue light reflected in them. It seems a bit obsessive, but maybe that's the genre. I've never read science fiction before.
a couple of tweaks -- is it not upped and left? it may be different in American English.
A whimper tried to crawl from his throat.---there's a personification there which is generally regarded as naff, I am told.
Other than that, no quibbles. a very engaging read.

This is really wonderful. I have a few tiny nitpicks with the first chapter, but the second just takes off. I like the way you go back and forth weaving in the present and future. And each chapter ends with a cliffhanger so one desperately wants to read on. Of course I'm shelving it. Here are a few notes I jotted down as I read.

I love the cracked moonlight. Very evocative.

“A whimper tried to crawl from his throat.” And then he whispered. This seemed a hair redundant.

Sapphire reflections. Very nice.

“Nothing much. Something for another time.” At first I thought he said, “something from another time,” which would be odd. I’m just wondering at the choice of words. Perhaps it is intentionally telling. I’m not sure.

There are a lot of “was’s” in the last few paras of chapter one.

I’m loving your sense of setting, though. It truly places me within the book. And the way you’ve woven the conflict in is lovely.

Best of luck with this as you cross the Ed's Desk to THE OTHER SIDE!!!

Hi Tom,

Thank you so much for inviting me to read this, and sorry to keep you waiting! "Nick of Time" is wonderful. I've only had time for a couple chapters today, but it's enough to know I want it on my shelf. Your writing is very clean & engaging - it was hard to find anything to complain about. Despite the tension of what was happening, I laughed outloud several times. Nick's internal dialogue is quite witty. :)

Just a couple of suggestions you might think about. In ch 1, I would have liked a little more description of the setting - especially grandpa's shed - mostly to magnify the mood of danger & mystery. On the other hand, I felt you went into a little too much detail explaining what the gadget looks like. The part where it starts to work, though, was magnificent.

>>...instinctively dropped down.

Maybe drop "instinctively", since right aftwerwards you say it was good instinct.

What a cool & exciting world you've created. Hope you make it to the editor's list.

Karin
("Eolyn")

This book is marvelous.

There is not a moment where the writers have succumbed to self-indulgence, and thanks to that discipline, the prose is an absolute delight. I think this is essential, because YA readers have little patience for fripperies. Nick of Time will hold their attention with no trouble! This is also very difficult to accomplish, and the writers have succeeded commendably.

The beginning is exciting and the plot never slows down, and Nick is a fun hero; he's a bit of a geek which makes him very easy to relate to. Wendy is feisty but kind, and clever. I enjoyed hanging out with these two characters!

The writers should be very proud of themselves.

Shelved!

Very engaging and well-written. No wonder you're ranked so high on the charts. Could use a little tightening up, i.e. fewer clauses that add little. I like time-travel concepts because I think we all toy with the wonder of living in a different time than our own. It does seem a bit short at 45,000 words. I like your title but, as an alternative, The Timekeeper might also work.

Alan

Wow. This is well-plotted and engaging, with believable, likable characters, and it is clearly polished to near perfection--I could not find a typo or any other glitches anywhere. This may or may not be aimed at young readers; in either case, it's a good, strong read for anyone past the age of 13 or so (I am waaaaaaaaaaay past my teens!). This is a fun one. Shelved.

Hi Nick

I'm reading your book on a promise, but I think I would read it anyway. Great story. I read the first two ch and skipped to 8 I like the way you describe the talking and the way you manage with spoken Latin.

This is the type of book that I would buy and read, and I will look out for it in bookshop when its published.

I will back it.

If you care to read my book, I would be pleased fo receive your comments.

Tony.

Not difficult to see why this is so popular - eminently readable, great pace, great scene-setting, dialogue and characters! To say nothing of ideas and plot......this is my sort of sci-fi and after 3 chapters it's clearly a polished work - no justice if this is not published!

Already backed and I will be reading the rest.

Roland Callan
(Sertain People Live Always)

Interesting . . . kind of Doctor Who meets Mad Max. I found it easy to whizz through the first four chapters, they're well-paced and very well written. But I had a few niggles here and there which are - of course - only my humble opinion for what it's worth:)

I like Wendy and the idea of the Net but I would have liked her to speak differently to Nick somehow. If there had been a big disaster and humankind had to learn to live again almost from scratch, I think their speech would be different, more of a truncated dialogue - stilted almost. I think Wendy and Nick would have trouble understanding each other at first.

The horsemen are great - hunters on horseback are always menacing. I can't think of many things more frightening than to be hunted down by horseriders.

I thought the section with the machine talking to Nick was a little too long with all the explanations but that's just a personal observation so feel free to tell me to get lost. I'm just being my honest self.

Having said all of that I can see why you are so high on Authonomy and I think your place is well-deserved.
I wish you loads of luck with the Ed's desk and hope to see you in print.

Berni x

Hi Tom,

I think you write very well but I had some doubts about this:-

1. As soon as Nick reaches the future and sees all the destruction and what-have-you, why doesn't he just set the date on the time machine back to his point of origin? He's a bright kid, so he should at least entertain the possibility, if only to reject it because he's curious.

2. Starting off with the time travel machine does get things going with a bang, but then I skipped through the "Three Hours Earlier" section because it was not as interesting. I'm not sure you have the best opening for this story. The solution? Maybe it's as simple as just splitting this up into separate chapters. Or you might think about building up tension a little more before he zooms into the future.

3. There are a lot of time travel stories around, and I don't see anything in the pitch or the opening chapter that really sets this out as different to the many other variations on this idea.

But these are all just my opinions so feel free to ignore.

Richard

Hi T and J ...

Going to give you my backing for a very good read. Your central characters are strong and believable and the story has the right amount of grip. I do have one or two small niggles, but these could be down to personal taste.

Chapter one: "The blue light still billowed ..." I would think this more suitable for smoke than light.
Although it is becoming more frequent now, contractions should only be used in narrative and dialogue. "Farther", is now considered to be obsolete, "further" is more usual
"A whimper tried to crawl from out of his throat" I would prefer: "A whimper tried to crawl from his throat" or better still: "A whimper crawled from his throat."

I also noticed one typo in chapter two: "One dial looked liked a compass."

I did wonder, as it is aimed at children / young adults, if some of the chapters (5 especially) were not a little over long ... But shelved anyway.
All the Best ... Regards ... Duncan.

I decided to read a random chapter, so I chose the last one and I really enjoyed it! You definitely meet your target audience, this story is exciting and funny, the best children's/YA I've read on this site so far! Shelved:)

Siv

I like it! I see why you are ranked so high. I have read a lot of stuff on this site in which people are missing or deceased. Usually this is clumsily introduced, but here it is skillfully woven into the narrative. You use words very carefully, and with good effect. In the first chapter, only the word 'squiggles' on the edge of the device seemed a bit bland, when everything else was so descriptive.

The cut between the time in the shed, and earlier in the evening is great, crystal clear as it is labelled - having trouble with that in my own story just now, would prefer not to label!

Got as far as chapter two. Realistic reactions, good descriptions. Minor point - that showing rather than telling thing. You write that Nick gets a 'feeling of being watched' . Maybe - 'he looked around warily, seeking the human eyes amongst the rubble', or something to demonstrate what he feels instead of telling us.

On the whole though, well crafted and compelling. It flows, it works. Backed.

Alex
Dark Skies Dawning

I hope I’m in the “Nick of Time” with this review. The opening paragraph immediately drew me in and I’ve got a feeling that you’ve switched the order of some of the writing. This definitely works if so and notches up the intrigue level in abundance.

The desolate world of the future is described with believable detail and contrasts very well with the relative cosiness of the present day. The sudden realisation at the end of chapter one reminded me of the final moments of Planet of the Apes!

The switches between the past and the present are very well executed and the symbolism of the missing flag is an inspired choice.

I suspect that this tale is also a warning to future generations and that it works on a number of levels. Great stuff.

Backed.

Gavin
(Half a Dozen of the Other)

This was recommended to me and I can see why. All the right elements are here: catchy title, catchy pitch, interesting premise and good characters.

Overall a well rounded effort. I trust this will go far.

Great read TW - but I'm trying to edit so I'll be brief. Just the sort of thing I'd go for if I was a YA. Great character, good pace and sense of place. Maybe the language should change a bit from time to time 400 years ago we were all doing ye's and where fore art thou - language changes over a few decades. Might be difficult to achieve. Not much I can say - this is as good as many published books. Good luck with the Ed's

Draco/ Veil

I am really, really sorry but this didn't work for me, I'm afraid. I wanted to like it as you seem such a nice person and have such a strong determination and belief in your work, but after the first few chapters this had become a merger of lots of children's books I've read before - Philip Pulman, Garth Nix etc.

What age group are you aiming at? I taught the 11-18 year group so maybe I was expecting something with a bit more depth. I just wanted you to concentrate more on fewer events in more detail, rather than just flitting in and out of time too quickly. Just as I thought your main character was getting involved, away he went again. Aaaarrghhhh!! So frustrating!

I feel awful now - but if I'm going to comment, my comments must be honest.

All the best for the Ed's desk

Denise

Excellent, gripping stuff! I whizzed through the first 3 chapters its such a well paced read. Most of the other comments say it all really, great story which kicks off immediately, likeable characters, intriguing plot, and very well written - to me it looks just right for your target age group. You thoroughly deserve to be on the desk. Shelved.

Scott Foley (Warlords of The Dreaming God)

A very classy tale, well told. Draws you in and keeps you interested. Best of luck.

OK, first the part where I make you go "AAAAAGGGGHHH!!!" I see from your pitch that you recently retooled Chapters 1 and 2, presumably in response to suggestions from readers. I, personally, don't think the chronological jumping back and forth in these two chapters works, especially since the narrative in the rest of the book is continuous. Since you're aiming this at younger readers, keeping the narrative linear seems to me like the best idea. The story deals with some brain-wringing ideas and you don't want to confuse your audience more than necessary. I don't see how this would make the opening less punchy: Nick catches his grandpa fiddling with a strange device in his workshop, gets curious, and starts figuring out how to get a closer look at it. That's gripping enough - no need to drop the reader right in the middle of the action, then stop and go back.

That aside, this is a superb tale, well-imagined and plotted with a conclusion that satisfies while leaving the possibility open for sequels.

Shelved, and good luck on the Desk.

Nick of Time is well written with solid characters and [once you buy into the magic machine!] a fast moving story line. You have mastered the difficult art of handling transitions and flashbacks smoothly. Happy to give this a turn on my shelf; good luck with the Editor's Desk!
Bob Steele [SPIN]

I see that you've picked up quite a few backers over the months. Nice.

I've read a good piece of it and find that it definitely draws you in. I hope that it stays up enough to make the desk. Good luck sir.

Richard Davies

Tom and Justin

This is absolutely special! I wish I my "grandson" (friend's son who I count as my grandson) was a bit older, because this is the stuff that grandpa's and grandson's can really get into. He's six, but I just may test the waterss with him anyway. You prose move along at such a natural pace with no "grown-up" stuff getting in the way of the story. Excellent job.

Thanks for inviting me to read your work.

tyler adams
In Search of Me / Alex

Hi there
you're right - this has got better. I read the first three chapters and got on much better with Nick as a character, he had a lot more of it! Nice and pacy too. You know I like to crit though: watch out for word/ image repetitions eg use of 'crude' in chps 2 & 3 and describing the clothes as 'leather jerkins' didn't give me much to work with the second time you used it.

Good luck
K