Book Jacket

 

rank 5335
word count 15757
date submitted 05.12.2008
date updated 30.06.2010
genres: Fiction, Fantasy, Children's, Young...
classification: universal
incomplete

BACON FINNEGAN

T. A. Northburg

We all know the legend of the great wizard, Merlin. Do you know the legend surrounding his grandson? The Universe is about to find out!

 

Bacon Finnegan, is Merlin’s lost grandson—he just doesn’t know it yet.

Meet young Bacon Finnegan. He just found a teleportation watch that accidentally transports himself and his friends from the Starship Ruby Darton to the planet of his destiny. He meets up with a White Witch who explains he is Merlin’s lost grandson and unleashes his magical powers. Bacon embarks on his quest to find seven hidden magical relics but first he must rescue his friends and defeat an evil Warlock, who is out to kill him. It is in this time of struggle that Bacon uncovers his deepest power—the ability to stop time and visit the present, past and future. Will this new-found gift propel him towards his destiny or destroy all of those around him?

"Bacon Finnegan and the Relics of Merlin" is an 85,000 word YA fantasy novel that chronicle the adventures of Merlin’s grandson through space and time. Commercially appealing to YA and middle-grade fantasy readers, and sci-fi/adventure fans, it is one of the few books that expand on the widely known legend of Merlin.

 
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adventure, atlantis, fairy tale, fantasy, greek mythology, magic, merlin, mythical creatures, mythology, relics, sci-fi, sorcery, swords, teleportatio...

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Droogs

The morning of Bacon Finnegan’s fifteenth birthday started the same as every other day. His philosophy lessons were sandwiched between schematics and literature. Next, old world studies included fencing, sparring, and martial arts. Bacon looked forward to old world studies—they were the only subjects that challenged him.

Bacon sat on his cot and watched his Companion Learning System Android, IQ32 step from the opening between the stacked cargo pods and walk towards him.

“Happy Birthday, Bacon—another year older, another year wiser!” IQ32 said as he jerked his head to the side.

“Oh . . . yeah?” said Bacon. He stood up and put his hands on his hips. “What’s there to be happy about?”

“I don’t know, I don’t get happy—I’m just programmed to say that on your birthday.”

“Right . . . thanks.”

“Do you want to fence today?” IQ32 asked.

“No, I’d rather spar with the short swords.”

IQ32 twitched his head again. “All right, let’s do it—stop, look, and listen.”

Bacon fetched two swords from the holder near his desk.  He met the android in the sparring area marked by the stacked cargo pods, and handed one of the weapons to IQ32.

Stepping back, Bacon eyed his opponent. The android stood a good foot and a half taller than Bacon and was at least ten times stronger. He wore a one-piece grey bodysuit that blended into the surrounding stacks of carbon fiber cargo pods, which made him look larger and more menacing than he really was.

Staring at his face, Bacon focused on the whitish-gray synthetic skin that stretched over the android’s mechanical body. IQ32’s head and hands contrasted against the dark background, and that made it easier for Bacon to spot him during maneuvers.

Bacon turned sideways, steadied the blade in front of him, breathed deeply, and relaxed his muscles as he mentally prepared for the fight. He visualized himself knocking the sword out of the android’s hand. However, Bacon’s mind kept going back to every outcome of past lessons. In his ten years sword fighting, Bacon had never won against IQ32. He was determined to change that today.

Seconds later, they sprang towards each other and engaged swords. With great skill and precision, Bacon used every move he knew to parry the android’s attacks and dodge his thrusts.

Below his blondish-white, spiky hair, sweat beaded on Bacon’s brow. The perspiration on his back caused his crimson, long-sleeved shirt to stick to his skin. Already tiring, Bacon tried as hard as he could to remove IQ32’s sword. He hit the android with every move he knew, but he could not get the right positioning.

“Is that that all you have—a monkey for a penny?” IQ32 said, effortlessly fending off his attacks.

“No,” Bacon replied between breaths. “I have more!” He turned with the android, the tips of their swords locked together as they circled and measured each other.

“Show me what you’ve got—lives in la-la-land!”

Bacon stepped back just as IQ32 struck his blade low and inside. The strong reverberation traveled through Bacon’s hand, up his arm, and into his shoulder. He dropped his sword and his body instantly tensed up as one of his mysterious, shaking episodes overcame him. Bacon fell to the ground and writhed around on the metal floor. His arms and legs flailed as his eyes rolled back, and his head repeatedly jerked sideways. After a few seconds the shaking stopped and Bacon lay there limp as a Sodonian slug. He came out of the torpid state to hear IQ32 talking to him and touching his shoulder.

“Bacon—I say—Bacon, are you all right?” IQ32 asked.

Bacon shook off the brief episode, grabbed his sword and stood up. “Er . . . yeah . . . I think so.” He rubbed the knot on the back of his head.

“Do you want to quit?”

With that question, Bacon’s frustration mounted. “No—I’m not a quitter.” He spoke devoted determination to beat the android.  He wasn’t going to let a small moment of shaking prevent him from doing so.

Bacon stepped forward and struck like a coiled snake. He slapped IQ32’s sword, hitting the blade high and outside. He attacked with a series of relentless combinations and thrusts, but nothing worked. It wasn’t until he moved from attacker to defender, that Bacon had his revelation. The combination IQ32 threw at him was very familiar. Over the years of sparring with the android, Bacon had memorized his every offensive and defensive move. He had defended the same combination months before.

In spite of the android’s nanotechnology, circuitry and advanced computations, IQ32 was predictable. Bacon figured out what attack was coming next. IQ32 would come from his left, slap his sword twice then thrust. Bacon prepared and slid the tip of his sword down just as IQ32 made his move. The android’s blade slashed at nothing but air. Bacon twirled his tip around and up and launched the android’s sword into the air.

Bacon stood in disbelief as the sword flew overhead and landed with a loud clink on the metal floor of the cargo hold, sliding across to the base of a pod. Bacon lunged into the air and pumped his fist violently, still holding the sword.

“YES—YES—YES—YES!” Bacon shouted, as he wildly leaped around his table. He savored the moment he became a “true swordsman” and reveled in the triumph. Ten long years he had wanted to do that . . . and now he had.

“Bacon!” a voice shouted from his right.

Bacon stopped in his tracks near his cot. His father, the Cargo Master John Finnegan stood between two cargo pods. His hulking  form filled the space. Every muscle in Bacon’s body tensed.

“Bacon, let’s go!” John barked. His sharp words bounded off the metal rafters. “The Ruby is coming to port, and we have to unload her. That’s more important than your foolish sword fighting. Get a move on!” John kicked the sword, sliding it towards IQ32. 

As usual, John’s words stung him. All that was good turned to poison. With sulking shoulders and sad eyes, Bacon watched John turn away and disappear around the corner.

Bacon shuffled toward his wardrobe. He strapped on his utility belt as IQ32 put the swords back in their place on the wall. Choking back the mixture of emotion, Bacon kicked the door of the wardrobe shut. The corner of the steel door caught the middle of his shin hard. The intense pain almost sent him to his knees.

Blorking door!” he said. He rubbed the sting away.

He grabbed his scanner from his desk and limped across the makeshift room, through the maze of pods and machinery, and met John in the docking chamber. 

“What took you so long?” John asked, as the door of the chamber slid shut.

Nuttin.”

“Well, don’t let nuttin hold you up next time! I’m sick of your dawdling.”

Why does it have to be a horrible day when it should be special? An afternoon spent unloading supplies, wasn’t what he had in mind. He’d wanted to explore the ship, read a digital book, or skim one of his historical files on his TNAv.

The thin, Plixiglas, hand-held supercomputer saved him from his solitary, cargo hold life. On the TNAv’s memory chip, the size of a grain of sand, he had thousands of downloaded files from classics like Treasure Island, Tom Sawyer, Peter Pan, and Harry Potter to some of Bacon’s favorite modern stores like The Adventures of Cyborg Qureets, The Land of the Lost Lartians, and the Space Treasures of Phantasm 7.

A few days ago, he had spent the few credits he had to download his favorite comic coretile, Interstellar Quest from the Starship Ruby Darton’s computer. Interstellar Quest was the longest running comic coretile of all time. There were over twelve thousand to date. Kids of all generations across the galaxies read and followed them religiously—awaiting the arrival of the next upload. Volume 12,186 had Captain Drumbolt on the planet Molto. The Magma Men captured him and they were trying to turn him into one of them.

When they stepped into the cargo docks, Bacon changed the subject. “What ship are we loading today?”

“It’s a supply ship from the penal planet Grondoon,” John huffed.

“What’s the name of the prison there?”

“P347–Zartacla,” answered his father. “It’s maximum security.”

“Oh.” Bacon liked to hear the different names of the penal prisons.

“Ok, time’s a wasting,” John said. He punched in a code on the wall pad. The massive door to the cargo hold opened revealing rows of stacked United Intergalactic Federation cargo pods. “Get busy. You have to load 2000 units today.” His father pointed to the stacks on his left, then to the small supply ship docked in the landing bay. “Check your manifest, do a cargo sweep, and I’ll be back to check it when you’re done.”

Bacon watched John walk in front of the small ship and disappear through the doorway then took out the thermoplastic TNAv microprocessor out of the holster on his utility belt. He scanned the pods, matched them to the manifest, and activated the antigravity lifters. When he was done, Bacon climbed into the cockpit of the Hortog. The top half of the electric machine was a giant robot with arms. The bottom half was designed with triangular tank tracks that allowed him to move in any direction, while giving him the stability to tow the cargo.

In the miniature cockpit, Bacon put on the Virtual Reality helmet and slid his thumb over the print scanner that initiated the electric motor, and released the machine from its clamps on the wall. An initial rundown of the schematics of the machine confirmed power levels and balancers were in order. Next, he slid his hands into the VR gloves, moved his hands up and down and in an arching pattern and watched the arms of the unit follow the exact movements of the gloves. Satisfied, Bacon tilted his head forward and the machine sprung into action.

With the slight movement of the VR helmet, Bacon directed the Hortog towards the first set of pods. He grabbed the floating stack with the robotic arms, backed it out of the cargo hold crossed the concrete dock, guided it up the ramp into the supply ship’s hull, released the cases and returned for another load.

It took over five hours to move and process 2000 units. Bacon returned the Hortog to the cargo hold, parked it in place, turned off the machine, and removed the VR gloves and helmet. As the clamps from the wall extended and secured the Hortog in place, the exterior door to the docking bay opened. A small ship flew through the force field, hovered next to the Grondon supply vessel, then landed and powered down.

On the far wall, John stepped through the doorway and shouted across the dock, “Bacon, get over here and secure this vessel.”

Bacon hopped out of the cockpit and double-timed it over to the smaller ship. The exterior was rough, scarred from what looked like hundreds of plasma bursts. There were several larger, charred, scars from what looked like encounters with small asteroids.

What is this ship doing here? There isn’t another ship on the docking schedule.

Bacon crouched, grabbed the electrical umbilical from the power port, and connected it to the ship. The external door to the ship slid open and a massive, burly man stepped onto the dock. His thick-soled, black leather boots thundered down onto the concrete. Bacon gazed at the Space Pirate towering over him. The pirate wore an oil-stained, red velvet coat that hung down past his waist, covering his sturdy canvas trousers. A velvet black, tricorn hat, adorned with a flamboyant bird’s feather stuck out over his forehead, shadowing his scraggly mono-brow and his sunken eyes. His tangled, black hair flowed nonstop into a mangy, braided beard that hung past the middle of his chest and covered the red sash he wore over his shoulder. The hilt of a dagger peeked over the top of his belt. By the looks of the brute, Bacon suspected the pirate had a small plasma pistol hidden in the sash.

Droogs. Space Pirates. Miners. Smugglers. Some of them had even taken up the old-fashioned name of Buccaneers. Whatever you called them, they were not good, and trouble always followed.

Bacon stood up and looked into the figure’s lifeless, brown eyes. The man looked as if he had just stepped off the Jolly Roger. 

The only thing missing is a skull and crossbones flag, a beach, and a treasure chest.

The Droog, who was at least a foot taller than Bacon and twice as big, hunched over so until they were eye to eye. What’r you looking at, boy?” Spittle sprayed from his mouth, hitting Bacon in the face. Through his beard and mustache, the pirate blew the foul stench of fermented apples, onions, and rotten meat with every word.

Er, nuttin,” said Bacon, trying not to vomit.

“Didn’t your father tell you, it ain’t polite to stare?”

“Didn’t your father tell you . . . don’t spray it, when you say it?” Bacon said wiping his face with his sleeve.

Just then, John walked up. “Dampier, it’s been a while. What brings you to this part of the galaxy?”

The Droog stared at Bacon another moment, then turned and grabbed forearms with John. “I’m here to get supplies. You are a supply ship—right?” They pounded their chests in unison, as some kind of greeting. “By the way, you need to train your dog there, not to stare. I’d be happy to teach it a lesson for ya.”

John and the man laughed.

“Maybe later . . . it might do him good. Let’s get down to business first.” John looked back at Bacon disapprovingly, then placed an arm around the pirate’s shoulders. “I have rooms ready for you and your men. You can wash up, and then we can pick up where we left off last time—if you know what I mean.”

“Good,” Dampier said and walked off with John.

Four more Space Pirates, dressed in similar fashion with black coats, canvas trousers, chunky boots, and mangy hair stepped off the ship. Bacon made a sour face as they neared, and he held his breath. They smelled as if they hadn’t showered in months. As they exited the ship, they each spit on Bacon’s boots before they, followed their captain. Bacon stared at the Space Pirates and John with contempt. What he wouldn’t give to teach them a lesson or two.

Finally, the last two stepped onto the dock. They carried a large chest between them. Bacon imagined what was inside. Electronics. Treasure. Jewels. Weapons. 

When they disappeared through the doorway, Bacon returned to his room in the corner of the cargo hold, grabbed a rag off his desk, and wiped the brown spittle off his boots. The foul globs had already started to dry and left stains on the black leather.

After he flung the rag into the corner, he headed threw open the door of his wardrobe to pack. He couldn’t stand it anymore. He had to get away. Still angered by his father, Dampier, and the Droogs, Bacon slammed his cargo bag on the floor. He crammed his crimson shirts and pants into the bottom of the bag, then reached up to the top shelf and grabbed a handful of socks and boxer shorts.

Bacon stopped for a moment and stared at his reflection in the glass mirror that was attached to the inside door of the wardrobe. His eyes had changed colors again. It happened every two weeks or so. Last time they were brown. Now they were bright blue. He also noticed that his hair had a slight silver sheen. Two years ago, his hair was brown. It began turning, changing each day, until it became this blondish-white he saw now.

He looked away. Wit a yank on the strapBacon grabbed the strap Bacon pulled the cargo bag toward his desk where he kept several small pouches of V-rations, supplement bars, and bottled water. He stuffed these supplies in the zipper pockets.

Sliding the drawer shut, Bacon reached toward the overhead compartment of the desk and punched his secret code into the keypad on the face of the door. The door unlatched and swung out and up on the hinge attached to the top edge. Inside, Bacon had his stash of electronic and digital gadgets that he masterfully constructed or accumulated over the years. There were over a hundred different electric machines, scanners, electric knifes, tools, and handheld devices.

First he grabbed several empty pouches and attached them to his utility belt so he could carry objects at maximum capacity. Rummaging around in the storage space, he located a small box, placed it on the surface of the desk, and removed six small two-inch tall, semi-metallic capsules, his homemade Chinese fireworks.

These might come in handy.

Bacon shrugged and shoved the capsules in the nearest pouch on the belt and sealed the top. He took the box and dumped the rest of the items into his cargo bag.

He grabbed six hand-held electronic devices as well as a grappling hook and grappling gun, and a cartridge of five hundred feet of lightweight monofilament. After stuffing them inside the bad, he rifled through the assortment of junk. A stun gun, three plasma guns, four antigravity pods, a pair of electric gloves, and one long tool case went into the bag next.

I don’t know why I’m taking all of this stuff, but it might come in handy. 

In all of the Interstellar Quest coretiles, Captain Drumbolt used many gadgets like the ones Bacon built and collected.

As Bacon loaded the arsenal of technology into his bag, IQ32 stepped into the room with a tray of food.

“What—I say—what are you doing?” IQ32 inquired, placing the tray on the table.

“What does it look like?” Bacon said, adding one pair of night vision glasses that doubled as binoculars to the mix. “I’m packing.”

“Packing for what—downhill skiing in Iowa?”

“I have to get off this ship.”

“How are you going to do that—Rome was not built in one day?”

“I don’t know . . . I just need to get off the ship!”

“Remember what happened last time you tried to run away? You planned the escape for a month and it all went bad—evolved from a toxic waste dump.”

Yeah, I remember.

He thought about his attempted escape on Sagevsal Prime. He had gathered data from the ship’s computer, timed it all out and executed his plan perfectly.

“And what—I say—and what happened?

“I was caught. This time I’ll be prepared—I will think of everything.

“Just plan—I say—just plan for the unexpected.”

“This time I will get off of this ship, for good . . . I will . . . I will!”

The wheels in Bacon’s mind turned; the garbage chute . . . the escape pod . . . the captain’s cruiser. The ideas came but none of them were any good. Visions of the Space Pirates flashed in his head, and lastly the metallic treasure chest. Bacon knew what he had to do.

 

 

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Tim Hawken wrote 758 days ago

Bacon Finnegan........what a classic name, instantly unforgettable. The subject matter your have chosen is appealing to so many (including myself). Can't wait to get right into this. On my watchlist and ready to move to the shelf.

Tim H
Hellbound

T.L Tyson wrote 782 days ago

I am positive this would be uber popular if it were to bepublished. You are tapping into not only all the wizard fans who are left over from the Potter-mania but also the kids who adore LOTR and the stories about Merlin.
You have a quirky and engaging story here. It is filled with fantastical fun. And Bacon, oh Bacon, what an MC. I love his voice. I love his attitude. At times I found myself saying, Poor Bacon. Which is great.
I know it will turn around for him. But seriously, this is a great read. One I would love to read to my children, you know when and if I have them.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Kim Jewell wrote 839 days ago

Hi TA!

What a fun read this is for a children's story! The kids will love this - interesting, colorful characters, the plotline and premise are engaging, and your easy-to-read style makes this perfect for the audience you are targeting! Great job - I'm happy to back this!

Kim
Invisible Justice

Onthedottedline wrote 853 days ago

By updating the Merlin myth, you will undoubtedly engage a whole new generation of readers, who are better able to identify with time travel and androids, than with medieval magic, although you've kept a bit of that in for good measure. The quality of your writing is superb, and it lends itself to being read quietly in a corner, or being read aloud to a bedtime audience, and that is the measure of a good children's/YA book. It has all the ingredients to be winner - characters one can relate to, an exciting story with lots of twists and turns, and sublime imagery. Great stuff, and it's on my shelf. Best wishes, Tony.

Margaret Anthony wrote 289 days ago

You just know when a writer calls their MC, a name like Bacon Finnegan, they have a bright, somewhat quirky imagination and this doesn't disappoint.
I'm no judge on YA's and Fantasy, but I do know good writing and a story which will appeal and this has to be one of them. Good characters, wizardry, the much loved Merlin, an eye for detail, clean accessible writing and an absorbing story, what's not to grab the attention of your target readers?
On my shelf very soon and starred on the way. Margaret.

Collyn Gale wrote 302 days ago

Hi T.A. I saw your message to Fred, can't see your latest work on here? Anyhow, I had a look at Bacon Finnegan and have the following comments. They may be of use (or not!).
1. Hook and synopsis: spot on. Clear, concise and we can see exactly where the marketing potential is. Ideal premise for the YA market.
2. Ch1: Is the second para a better hook? It's more immediate and different. Remember, you want to catch the attention of YAs!
3. Seizure; think about POV. Bacon's having the seizure, but it feels like we're witnessing it rather then experiencing it through him.
4. Voice generally: your dialogue is very much Bacon (loved Blorking) but when we're in his internal voice, he sounds more like an adult. Think about the para 'He spoke...doing so.' That to me sounds like an adult, not a 15 year old boy. The pirate description also. Ask yourself: how would Bacon say what he sees? Your narrative as well as your dialogue has to match up with your POV.
5. Your descriptions of technology are fabulous: vivid, real. It's almost like we hold the objects in our hands. Apply the same skill to your environment descriptions. The ship feels a bit generic: make it real in the same way you have the technology.
6. Difficult relationship with the father is interesting, sets up some conflict.
7. You have a lot of narrative in chapter one. Think about more dialogue. Remember, your audience is YA.
8. Ch 2: I couldn't help thinking that your hook is in this chapter. Bacon finds out he's adopted, he has to escape before he's made a slave, he has supernatural powers. To me, this is where your story takes off and that's what your audience will want to read. So a lot of what comes before is therefore set up and backstory.
9. Your description of Bacon's supernatural powers is brilliant.
10. Loved how he got his name! And this snappy piece of dialogue 'shows' us tons of his backstory without having to 'tell' us a word. Do you see the difference?
11. Ch 3: I couldn't quite locate the game of hide and seek. For dozy readers like me, you need to be more explicit!
12. Hook at the end of chapter 3: watch and birthmark: great.

I hope that the above doesn't read as too negative. I can absolutely see why you got a full request. (I've had 4 and numerous partials in the last couple of years, and I'm still hoping too!). But to me, there's a few craft issues to be ironed out. They aren't anything major and you have bags of talent as well as a fabulous premise. Even more importantly, you've a character that will lend himself to any number of books. Very best of luck, I'm sure you'll succeed. Collyn Gale (The Canterbury Witnesses)

Fred Le Grand wrote 305 days ago

Read this before. Don't understand why its only now at 4000 odd.
A very good read, imaginative story.
Backed.

name falied moderation wrote 588 days ago

So T.A. I started this book some time ago and cannot see that the backing showed so seeing that I believe it is well worth it i am BACKING it again, and might add giving MORE COMMENTS.....
Best of luck
Would you review my book, different genre, but please comment. thanks, and if you so wish, back my book thanks
Denise
The Letter

SusieGulick wrote 588 days ago

Dear T. A., I love that your wonderful story reminds me of the Terminator TV Series which is now cancelled - you have brought back time travel which I loved. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

klouholmes wrote 595 days ago

Hi T. A., This transported to the futurist time with the equipment and Bacon’s abilities with it. I’d think that young readers would be fascinated since the uses of the technology are usually told right away – until Bacon takes his pack of things to the pirate ship. It was funny when he encountered the pirate – good dialogue. The writing is firm and although it is technical, the story itself has prominence. Bacon’s personality also comes through, even when he’s not allowed to express himself with his father. Happy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Andrew Burans wrote 601 days ago

You have created an excellent MC in Bacon Finnegan - love the name by the way. What you have posted so far is well written and well paced.Your use of imagery is excellent, the dialogue flows smoothly and all of this coupled with your imagination and descriptive writing style ensures that your finely crafted story will appeal to children. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

name falied moderation wrote 606 days ago

T.A. where did this incredible book come from. I thought I would get inside your head but instead you are in my head. With these colorful characters that just pop. This has everything even space, everything that is needed for a good seller. I have not read it all, I also see it is incomplete. You are so close to the editors top I do wish you to put up the rest of the story. Anything with the name Merlin in is sure to hit. BACKED .......If you would review 'The Letter' and give your 'comments' and 'backing', I would appreciate it. and BEST of luck.

Denise
The Letter

Vanessa Darnleigh wrote 614 days ago

Many have said it better than I can...this should be a big hit with younger readers and has all the hallmarks of a successful commercial paperback...I wish you the best of luck with it...
Stewart

Marcus Fisch wrote 615 days ago

Love this. Brilliant take on Merlin. Excellent mix of Sc-Fi & Fantasy.
A New Genre Sci-Fa?
Backed with pleasure
Abel Kane
The Alchemists' Cookbook

A Knight wrote 638 days ago

I love this premise, and your beautiful writing style makes it fantastically unique. Other people have alreadysaid the name is unforgettable, and the classic fantasy is gripping right from the start.

Backed with pleasure!
Abi xxx

Sharahzade wrote 655 days ago

BACON FINNEGAN
T. A. Northburg

I was looking for a story to read for pleasure, something connected with Merlin. I found Bacon Finnegan. I am so glad I discovered this adventure. It's a great read. Great! I'm going to back it for sure.

Chapter 5, Paragraph One, and those that follow – Brilliant! You take a happening, never experienced by anyone I know, and make it real. You tell us exactly how it feels. That is so superb. I can see you know your job as a writer.

Ahhh teleportation watch, techno glasses, levitation boots. All sorts of gadgets. In addition to being Merlin's grandson, Bacon just might also be a young James Bond.

IC32 is really growing on me. He says the funniest things and it breaks up any tension or just something ordinary that is happening at the moment. That is a great device. His comments take a lot of imagination.

My only alert: Chapter One, that all important one that gets read first, needs spell check. Saw several typos.

Oh no! Chapter Eight leaves me hanging.

Please say you have more coming soon and let me know when you do.

Mary Enck
Author of A King in Time

Famlavan wrote 658 days ago

Bacon Finnegan

What an amazing story, with an amazing character.
You have such a great take and the opening sword fight is so good.
The sensory descriptive narrative grounds this and gives it depth, but it is Bacon who is the true hero. Immense imagination has created an immensely great story. Who needs an I.Q of more then 32?

mariecapri wrote 660 days ago

Hello T.A. I can't resist a good Merlin story and this connection to his grandson reeled me in. The concept of your story being so futuristic as well really makes this different. I liked the unconcious vision Bacon had, it is well described, and the birthmark works well. The build up to show Bacon's unhappiness is put across perfectly. This is science fistion with a twist and will be loved by its target audience. Best of luck to you! mariecapri (Cosmic Linx)

Sandie Newman wrote 663 days ago

I love the idea of this Merlin's grandson, hasn't been done. I like the opening and couldn't help shivering when he stepped onto the cold floor with bare feet, I hate that ouch! Excellent pace to this and easy to read, excellent idea and very nicely done. Backed with pleasure.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Jim Darcy wrote 668 days ago

Just found this and what a treat! Verily a once and future adventure tale! Merlin books are always a winner with me. Jim Dacry The Firelord's Crown

Burgio wrote 670 days ago

What an imaginative story. Good characters. Good settings. It's clever to base this on the legend of Merlin. Makes this a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

lionel25 wrote 711 days ago

TA, I enjoyed your first chapter. I liked the dialogue, which I think can still be improved a bit. For instance, where you have "What is there to be happy about?" can be shortened to "What's there to be happy about?"

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Mr. Nom de Plume wrote 716 days ago

A work extending a wonderful story for YA has merit, in my opinion. The "IQ32" character's name introduces an interesting relationship when combined with sword-play leading toward more connections within the storyline. How much more intelligent is IQ31 ? Better circuit boards, I guess. Backed Chuck

Tiger-Lily wrote 720 days ago

Excellent name, firstly. Catchy and memorable. Thumbs up for that. As well, the setting in itself is intriguing. Kind of gave a Star Wars feel with the robot though.

At the part where he learns about his parents, I didn't get a very emotional reaction from the words. That could have been improved by building anger up earlier. He was a touch too calm too late.

Other than that, putting this on watch and possibly backing it later. ;) Keep penning!

- Lily C, author of Furies' Game

Melcom wrote 740 days ago

What a top idea as the Merlin story has been written to death.

Nicely written.

Happily backed

Melxx
UNICORN (crime/thriller)

Rosali Webb wrote 745 days ago

T.A.
This is a new concept - what happened to Merlin's grandson? Bacon is racing around like a little action man, but with emotion. Going to go down well with the litluns. Backed. Rosali
Fieldtrip to Mars

gillyflower wrote 750 days ago

A very original plot idea. The combination of Merlin and his magic with spaceships and the marvels of Science Fiction is something which is unexpected. The first reaction is to wonder if this can work. Well, reading this book, I can say that for me, it does. My natural attraction is to the Merlin side, not the Sci Fi. But you combine the two so well, it's not a problem. Bacon's sword play, interrupted by the dream / vision of the sword on the stone table, conjures up the whole magical world of fantasy, especially the Authurian fantasy of the sword in the stone. We are drawn into it easily, and when Bacon returns and knocks the sword out of QI32's grasp, it's both exciting and enthralling. The docking of the cargo also has old world touches, in the titles used, 'Captain,' and 'Cargo Master,' rather than anything more hi tech. The story of Bacon's parents, just a little given at this stage, is a great hook to read on. Bacon is a very real boy. His attitude to his father, John, is so typical of teenagers, and his eagerness to find his natural parents is clearly about to send him on a quest. A great story, which I'd enjoy reading to the end. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Esrevinu wrote 751 days ago

There is some good writing here; it flows very well throughout the story

There is a natural stream of writing that seems to have all the elements of a great YA novel

You are a good writer and the themes are compelling

This is the type of book I would buy and give to friends

Job well done

Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

Mark Reece wrote 752 days ago

Maddox - v - Finnegan sets the scene well for the target audience. Reads easily and is properly written with very few errors. Has that commercial feel.
Backed
Mark
Another Day in Paradise
PS I would appreciate a return read / comment / backing. Thanks.

Legend7 wrote 755 days ago

Hi T.A.-After reading the first chapter, I find your way of blending both sci-fi, fantasy, and history together(which must have been difficult and not easily done)very intriguing! I've always loved the stories of King Arthur, Merlin, and others. But Merlin seems to be a bit more of a mystery, which is why I am enjoying this story as it brings him more to life. For all we know, he could have really had a grandson! Just a couple things, you mis-spelled "mantally" which is actually "mentally" at the part getting ready to spar. In the part of the italics, first paragraph, you need a comma after the word "running", else it's a run on sentence. Maybe a couple places there might need to be a comma, but not sure as I'm still learning as well. Good luck with this and happily shelved!
Sarah-Return of the Past

jahek wrote 757 days ago

I've only had time to read the first couple of chapters and dip into the rest, but I love how you've got into the head of this teenage boy, and I love his name - Bacon Finnegan!! Brilliant. Backed

Jane Holyoake (The Spiral Pendant)

Lady Calverley wrote 757 days ago

Wow-- what a lot of fun this is! Just the name Bacon is enough to grab me, but I was really happy with the quirky telling of the tale. I'm afraid I'm a bit feverish tonight, so I shall simply shelve this for now and return for coherent comment soon.

Ruth/Base Spirits

Jason Rice wrote 758 days ago

I love the name Bacon Finnegan, I'm not convinced of this first chapter yet, this kind of fantasy isn't my bag.

Tim Hawken wrote 758 days ago

Bacon Finnegan........what a classic name, instantly unforgettable. The subject matter your have chosen is appealing to so many (including myself). Can't wait to get right into this. On my watchlist and ready to move to the shelf.

Tim H
Hellbound

paxie wrote 762 days ago

TA Norburg

I raced to the end of your loaded chapter one......Brilliant read, and that's from someone not overly into wizzards.....I read your prologue to my son (off school on a snow day)......'Wicked ' he said.....Er, I know that's only one word, but you dont get much more than that out of him......So that's the equivalent of a New York Times thumbs up.....

Shelved with pleasure and best wishes for 2010

Debra wrote 762 days ago

I could swear that I backed this ages ago, but I see no sign of comments from me. Funny thing, the book's been in the top spot of my WL for eons! Which was why I assumed I had shelved it already. I must have old-timer's disease.

Not much I can add to the comments. I would enjoy reading this with my grandkids! Of course I love anything with Merlin or even remotely Arthurian.

Best wishes with this!

John Harold McCoy wrote 776 days ago

Hi T.A. Your pitch promises a lot happening in this novel.
Read the first few chapter. Very nice writing. Good development. Comfortable to read which is a good quality in my opinion. All in all, I think it's a darn good job. On my shelf.

John Harold McCoy - Bramwell Valley

Jupiter Echoes wrote 778 days ago

A nice read for the youngsters.
Your style effectively targets this market.
Dialogue, description, reading age... all suited.

Good luck with Bacon Finegan.

BACKED



please read Dream Diamond ASAP, and if worthy, BACK, without comment if nescessary.

T.L Tyson wrote 782 days ago

I am positive this would be uber popular if it were to bepublished. You are tapping into not only all the wizard fans who are left over from the Potter-mania but also the kids who adore LOTR and the stories about Merlin.
You have a quirky and engaging story here. It is filled with fantastical fun. And Bacon, oh Bacon, what an MC. I love his voice. I love his attitude. At times I found myself saying, Poor Bacon. Which is great.
I know it will turn around for him. But seriously, this is a great read. One I would love to read to my children, you know when and if I have them.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Sandy Grubb wrote 788 days ago

Bacon's world, powers, and the discovery of his parentage are great hooks. Nice work unfolding an intriguing story. I'm happy to back this.
Sandy
Orphan and a Half

CamilleS wrote 826 days ago

What a refreshing story line! I know students in my library would love this. It's going to ED! BACKING!

Camille
Curse of the Golden Fly
The Hobble Knobble Gobble Tree

soutexmex wrote 830 days ago

What a great read for children. You have your audience down pat. SHELVED!

Could use your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau File

InternetG33k wrote 839 days ago

Hi T.A.,

When this popped up in my newsfeed today (I'm friends with Kim). I clicked over and recognized your user name from the forums. But then I realized that while your name was familiar, your book title wasn't - which is surprising because, judging by the pitch, it has so many of my favorite things! I decided to give it a long-overdue peek - I jotted down some notes as a reader, since I don't feel I know enough as a writer to give good advice. These are the things that jumped out at me and interrupted the flow of the story, or bits I really liked. I hope you find these comments helpful.


~ "All that was good turned to poison" - for some reason, this seemed to be a bit too heavy-handed. I think you could cut that sentence, and it would flow better. However, if I'm the only person to point it out, please feel free to ignore me. :)

~ "Blorking door" - it must be the geek in me, but I love made-up swear words!

~ You've got the voice of a newly-turned teenager down pat - I should know, having one about to turn, and one who turned almost two years ago.

~ Great note to end the chapter on.

I could see my aforementioned kidlets (plus my precocious nine year old) really enjoying this story - especially knowing how much I enjoyed it myself. Shelved!

~Traci
Tangled Web

Kim Jewell wrote 839 days ago

Hi TA!

What a fun read this is for a children's story! The kids will love this - interesting, colorful characters, the plotline and premise are engaging, and your easy-to-read style makes this perfect for the audience you are targeting! Great job - I'm happy to back this!

Kim
Invisible Justice

Andrew W. wrote 846 days ago

Maddox Finnegan

Hi TA,

Wow, what an interesting idea, taking the Merlin myth and dropping it well into the future. A great opening, lots of action and also the opportunity to show us Maddox's familial predicament. This all helps pile on the sense of sympathy for him, a strong and important early emotion to establish in the reader. I liked the short chapters and the use of good, slick dialogue to drive us along. It all worked well. I was intrigued enough to read further than I normally do and try as I might I couldn't find any glaring nitpicks (a good thing.) You have taken an inherently interesting idea and breathed a fresh and different life into it. Well done, deserves to do well. If you have the time to look at my book I would be grateful.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W.
(Sanctuary's Loss)

B. J. Winters wrote 847 days ago

I liked how this opens. Maddox should be fun to read about. I did think that at the end of chapter 1 you could have only three lines -- five seemed a bit much (perhaps "adopted family") or something shorter. It felt a bit overdone to me although I liked the one line paragraphs for effect.

I read on through chapter 2 and noticed that a number of your paragraphs (prior chapter 2) start with 'Maddox' or 'he'. It flows well, but you may want to consider varying sentence structure from 'name/verb' a bit if the trend continues. That was really the only suggestion I could come up with -- overall good read and appropriate to the audience.

Freeman wrote 852 days ago

I read a lot of sci-fi and noticed the android. ‘IQ32 could go on for days without tiring.’ Suggests he might tire at some point.
‘on metal grate focusind’. You have ‘Mattox stood at attention…’ twice close to one another.
In chapter 3 the mention of building things from scrap reminds of one of the star wars films and the racing. His thoughts seem quite grown up for his age when he sees the blonde girl. ‘pointing at the man behind Maddox’ maybe ‘ the android’.

This is a fun read and I am sure this will appeal to the children. Apart from the couple of nit picks above, I didn’t notice any errors. It is well written and moves at a good pace as the plot develops. I am happy to back it.

Tony

Onthedottedline wrote 853 days ago

By updating the Merlin myth, you will undoubtedly engage a whole new generation of readers, who are better able to identify with time travel and androids, than with medieval magic, although you've kept a bit of that in for good measure. The quality of your writing is superb, and it lends itself to being read quietly in a corner, or being read aloud to a bedtime audience, and that is the measure of a good children's/YA book. It has all the ingredients to be winner - characters one can relate to, an exciting story with lots of twists and turns, and sublime imagery. Great stuff, and it's on my shelf. Best wishes, Tony.

DMC wrote 864 days ago

TA
This is an intriguing premise. I’m big fan of YA and the Arthurian myths, but throwing in Merlin as well rocketed me through your first 3 chapters without blinking. You certainly deliver, sir. This is great story telling. From the off I was initially in some dark age duel only to be surprised to find myself much further into the future. I like this opening a lot. It’s certainly a great attention grabber.
And the energy in your writing is great too. Its obvious you know exactly what you are doing and you do it in such an exciting way. Maddox is a worthy protagonist who should go down a treat with your target reader. I for one will be back to read more of his adventure. Very nicely done!
Shelved with my best wishes
David
Green Ore

Phil Rowan wrote 865 days ago

This is a great story, TA. I love the whole idea of Maddox vs the wicked Warlock. You are clearly well versed with what does it for YA genre readers and I think you've produced a great novel with Maddox Finnegan. Backed with pleasure and wishing you lots of luck - Phil Rowan (Weimar Vibes)

mikegilli wrote 866 days ago

Shelved. Tremendous story. I though he 1sr Ch excellent. then nhe 2nd, 3rd etc...
Love the android and his metaphors. . you got the kids mentality down pat. Plus
the attention to detail makes it come real. Congratulations, I'm sure till Ch 7 it's
hot stuff. Love the gadgets.
Suggestions.
It would be a pity not to publish this, by hook or by crook.
lots of luck with it..............Mikey The Free

Steve Ward wrote 866 days ago

TA,
Great writing. Maddox is a solid young character and you garner a lot of sympathy for the young load who is hidden away in the cargo hold with only a robot for a friend. Love the sword fighting action. Sounds like a boy ready to run away and promises great adventure all the making of a great YA novel. Hey, at least he has Tom Sawyer to read. This is a fun read, a real page turner. Good luck with it. Oh yeah, there is one typo at the line:
Maddox stood at attention on the metal grate focusind (d should be a g)
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

marion wrote 878 days ago

I liked the hint of mystery about Maddox behing hidden in the hold. I liked the mysytery of why Maddax had not celebrated his birthday for years and I liked the description of John and his refusal to yet another request. I am sorry I am not enthralled by robots or fencing so I found the beginning of your book too specialised for my taste. Your writing is smooth professional and well presented, of course. And I was more than happy to back it for that reason. I note from some of your comments they loved the opening paragraphs... so of course all comments are subjective. Good luck with this... Marion

Keefieboy wrote 936 days ago

Hi T.A., this is interesting. Your pitch shows lots of promise, but I think you need to get the reader hooked quicker: the end of Ch 2 seems to be the hook. But I like your characters, especially the slightly barmy android, and your writing is crisp and clear. For this you get a quick spin on my shelf.

A few typos: Ch1: 'his conscious replied' -> consciousness?
Ch 2: cloths -> clothes; he stared at beautiful -> he stared at the beautiful; systerm -> system.

Keefie
Tybalt & Tryskell

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