Book Jacket

 

rank 578
word count 16475
date submitted 15.12.2008
date updated 02.05.2012
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Young Adult, Cri...
classification: moderate
incomplete

Family Snap

Ruth Dugdall

“In two weeks I’ll be sixteen. I’ll have left school, lost my virginity. I’ll also be a murderer. Stop reading if you can’t handle that.”

 

“In two weeks I’ll be sixteen. I’ll have left school and lost my virginity. I’ll also be a murderer. Stop reading now if you can’t handle that.”

This novel is about what we are capable of doing in the name of love.
It is about memory, and how it can trick us.
It is about family ties; the blood that binds us.
It is also about the power of the past, which none of us can escape.

Joy Hoolahan is attacked whilst running a five-minute errand, and is left brain damaged. Now, four years on, her memory continually renews itself, and although she can remember the past, she cannot retain any information that post-dates the accident.
Her daughter, Sam, was twelve years old when the attack happened, and is now nearly sixteen. Following a meeting with the police, she is told the police are closing the case unless further information comes forward: Sam lost her mother to a living death; her whole world is upside down; someone must pay.

If police can’t be relied on to mete out Justice, Sam will take matters into her own hands …
But can she kill a man?
And is Douglas Campbell really guilty?



 
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tags

crime, gangs, internet, justice, murder, retribution, revenge, suffolk, teenage

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217 comments

 

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e. e. wrote 114 days ago

I like everything I've read so far. I back this.

PCreturned wrote 374 days ago

Hi Ruth,

I just popped over for a peek at the work of a prize-winning author. ;)

I'll comment as I read since I find that the best eway to keep track...

Shock start. I'm hooked immediately and almost have to read on. ;)

Great voice. Sam's attitude really comes through in your writing. Sounds like Sam has an awkward family situation at home. I really sympathise with her.

Ah it soon looks like this family has been torn apart by some terrible crime that was perpetrated against 1 of them. i wonder what happened...

Seems like the mother was attacked. And... shock horror, the police are terminating the case! I can see why Sam's so furious she wants to kill the suspect. Will she be able to, though? Is Douglas even guilty?

The old home videos are heartbreaking and really emphasise Sam's sense of loss. I wonder just how badly her mum's been affected. I'm guessing she'll no long be anything like the woman she once was...

Ah it seems Mum's memory is wrecked. That must b v difficult for her family. In many ways, we are our memory :(. And I can almost feel Sam's frustration in the efforts to jog her mum's memory. This is so important, but all her mum can talk about is when sam was a baby. There's a tantalising moment at the end of the chapter, though. A hint that the mum might in some way remember the attack, after all. I wonder, will she ever be willing and able to face that terrible memory?...

Well, what can I say? I like what I've seen very much. You've built so much into this 1st chapter, and done so without any clunky exposition. By the end of the chapter, I have many reasons to want to read on. I'd happily do so if I just had more time :). I know there's a violent criminal out there that's getting away with (almost) murder. Sam's out for his blood and may very well try to kill him. What will happen if she tries, though? Will she be capable of the deed? Can she ever be sure the man she hunts is guilty? The only thing that can save Sam and Douglas is the mum's mmeory coming back. But the chance of that happenening seems so remote. :(

I think this is a compelling read, written in a professional manner. I'm giving you as many stars as possible right now, and will make space for it on my shelf as soon as I can. :)

Best wishes,

Pete x

FeSladen wrote 391 days ago

Hi Ruth

I think I should first make a point of the fact that your pitch is a brilliantly-written, engaging hook and it was this that made me want to read on. Having said that, I do agree with what A.Zoomer said about deleting the repetition of the short pitch - you don't need it twice. Just out of interest, do you write short stories? I tend to find that people who write short stories are also good at writing pitches.
As I read the pitch, I instantly remembered why I put this book on my watchlist in the first place - the 'Memento'-style concept of a person's memory continually renewing itself. I am pleased to see that this complex idea is being well-handled.

I'm not sure about using 'cos' instead of 'because'. Might just be personal, but it seems out of place. Your style is clearly informal and due to the fact that it is literally being written by the protagonist, I can understand that it's not going to be the most classical prose - but cos? Really?

You handle the exposition very well. There's a lot to say about the last four years of Sam's life, but you haven't made it stodgy and it doesn't read like a factual essay. Sam's voice is ever-present throughout her narrative, giving this novel the trusting and honest feel of a monologue. We believe Sam and we sympathise. We see what she has gone through and how she has hardened herself into her resolution to 'find the bastard and nail him'. Just be wary of how many times you say 'that bastard stole mum's life' and 'I'm going to kill him' (or words to that effect).

I like that you have a real hybrid structure to your prose. You don't stick to one sentence length, but experiment with your language, which is always refreshing to read. Long paragraphs followed by one or two short sentences in a separate paragraph is a fantastic way to impact the reader.

A touching scene between mother and daughter in chapter 1. There is real conflict of innocence and desperation there. This scene works well as a brief break from Sam's bitterness. Make sure you have plenty of these moments - Sam needs to maintain her humanity through emotion and this emotion can't always be anger. I think you do a good job of keeping this balance so far, so keep it up.

I'd advise another proof read - some odd words, dropped commas, etc. You'll pick them up as you go, so I won't bore you with unnecessary nitpicking. Just one thing I'll say: it's 'would have' not 'would of'. A lot of Brits make that mistake because of the slurring way we say it.

Also, some of the bad language seems a bit unnecessary. Tip: save it for when you want impact, then it really means something.

Be very careful of your tenses - particularly in chapter 2. Do you want this to be in the past or present? I got the impression from the first chapter that Sam was writing this all down. If that's the case, the book should be in the past tense. Just make sure it's clear and you're not jumping between the two.

I think Sam is way too fast with Rob. Subtle? I don't think so. She should take it slower, tease him into interest, in order to get the information she needs.

Rated and backed. I really liked this.
All the best
Fe
'This Salted Earth'

2004carlt wrote 407 days ago

Only read a bit of this one. Struck me as being more upbeat compared to your other story. The internal narrative and dialogue of Sammy seemed a bit fake, as if she was an actor with cotton wool in her mouth. Some of the sentences felt overly long for a teenager. As an example: 'Just Nan and me for the last four years and, I guess we were doing OK, under the circumstances.' I would edit down to 'Just Nan and me for four years and, I guess we were doing OK.' As a reader, I also wanted for action from the start. We all know female teenagers are good at multi tasking and seeing her at the helm of her pc, blowing bubble gum, typing into chat, while talking or texting into her mobile and looking at a spot in the reflective glass would have made for more interest and brought the scene alive. Random is what I was looking for. Short attention spans, social media and gadgets. And yes, I know all of this because the wife's sister is called Sammy and likes all if these things.

A. Zoomer wrote 481 days ago

FAMILY SNAP

Great title. I would delete the repetition of the short pitch in the long pitch. I'd start the long pitch with Joy Hoolahan.... and put the this manuscript is about at the end.

This is on my WL and I have 5 starred it already.
A Zoomer

SusieGulick wrote 561 days ago

Dear Ruth, Well, here I am reading & commenting on your 2nd book which is just as well written as your 1st book. :) I love that your pitch filled me on Sam's dilemma of killing the man who hurt her mom & through chapter 3 has step by step laid out her plans. :) Your "Crime & Punishment" quote was excellent. :) Amazing how our revengeful minds work. :) I know that I'd not be able to do it. :) The best I could do under the circumstance is wish it would happen. :) I guess praying might help, too. :) Great plot & it sure works. :) You have already backed my memoirs book. :) I just checked to be sure I have ****** 'd both of your books & I have :) - could you please ****** mine? :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart, because every ****** & backing moves our books closer to the editor's desk of which I'm 14 away from & trying to get to the top 5 for review by the end of November. :) Love, Susie :)

SusieGulick wrote 562 days ago

:) comment to follow - read & commented on 1 day later :)

Despinas1 wrote 612 days ago

Great piece Ruth...... Great story line, good writing. Backed with utmost pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

GabrielGrobler wrote 712 days ago

Dear Ruth
I like your premise - original and intriguing, and your writing is engaging and fluid.
Backed, and best of luck.
G R

Barry Wenlock wrote 740 days ago

Hi -- Great narrative and a really original twist to the usual revenge story. Very well done, indeed.
Backed with pleasure, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

bonalibro wrote 770 days ago

A very interesting take on a mystery story. Knowing whodunit and wondering when they will have the evidence to put him away. Nice hook.

Famlavan wrote 774 days ago

Family Snap

I’m not a lover of first person narrative, however if I keep reading books of this quality I will soon be converted!
This is a very good read right from the start, good narrative, good dialogue and an exceptional (in my mind) storyline that has real edge. – Good luck

Melcom wrote 776 days ago

What is wrong with this site, why has this gem evaded everyone and why the hell is it languishing in the 400's?

From the very first couple of lines I was hooked. Your writing is absolutely superb, absorbing and full of passion. Your characters leap off the page/screen. Can't say I'm a fan of first person narration but have to applaud you, yours is spot on.

Superb, hope this is successful for you.

Melxx

Burgio wrote 795 days ago

This is a powerful story. Imagine the anguish Sam must feel for what happened to her mother. Imagine believing she can make everything right by this type of justice. It's easy to sympathesize with Sam. I liked this book especially because it deals with the theme that acts have consequences. A young adult audience should like this because they'll recognize that lesson - and appreciate learning it from an enjoyable book rather than parental nagging. Well done. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

lionel25 wrote 804 days ago

Ruth, your first chapter reads smoothly. Professionally written.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

JoeTheAuthor wrote 814 days ago

Ooh...I love your pitch. Now that's the way to write a pitch. It definitely made me want to take a look...and am I glad I did. Terrific looking story with great dialogue and great characters. One can't help but empathize with poor Sam - antha. Backed in spades!
Joe Perrone Jr.
As The Twig Is Bent
Opening Day

Jesse Hargreave wrote 837 days ago

Backed January 16.

Jesse - Savant

http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=14062

Keefieboy wrote 862 days ago

Ruth: what a gripping read! Faultless, and shelved.

Keefie
Tybalt & Theo

gillyflower wrote 864 days ago

This is a compelling read. You write well, and your first person narrator's voice is so real. Sam speaks like any other girl of her age, and we can relate to her quickly. The detail of what happened comes out gradually, and we feel the build up of her pain. Seeing Joy so childish and forgetful is as painful to us as it is to Sam because you bring it to life so well. Your plot moves quickly. Sam's planned meeting with Rob, where, like her, we feel very sorry for him, is beautifully done. The figure of Andy in the background, whose face Sam can't remember, and then the photo of Douglas which seems vaguely familiar, strikes a frightening, worrying note. A brilliant book. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

felicity potbottle wrote 900 days ago

I like this - it is well done.

John Harold McCoy wrote 900 days ago

Hi Annie. Great pitch.
Excellent book. Went through 2 chapters (long ones). I think you've done a great job on this. Lots of things going on, good characters, believable dialog and the beginning was excellent. Very polished and deserves to be noticed. On my shelf. Best of luck with it.

John Harold McCoy - Bramwell Valley

Miles Etherton wrote 901 days ago

Hi Ruth,
In contrast to one of your comments after reading your pitch I thought I'd really like this....and I wasn't disappointed. What an opening to suck the reader in. This is dark, sinister, with well crafted characters which develop well. A really well written piece. Backed. Miles.

tlst wrote 904 days ago

The raw emotion of Sam shines through and her voice is strong and convincing. Her anger is palpable and the pov is right for a girl of her age - well done! Tania, This Last Summer

KitCat1980 wrote 907 days ago

Your pitch drew me to this.
This does not ‘feel’ like a YA novel to me which I really like. The story is dark and deals with some really emotional issues that so many YA novels scoot around. You just know Sam’s journey is going to heartbreaking… I would read this in the ‘real’ world.
Backed
Cat
Judas Kiss

Jupiter Echoes wrote 907 days ago

The story moves well from the start. Characters are nicely developed and i get the feeling their is a lot more to come. Tightly written prose enabled me to really get into the story, and with enough description and atmosphere to make me feel as if i was there.

BACKED

Urania wrote 908 days ago

Top end of the YA market. In the sense, great story and premise, superb writing and just the right amount of hook, tension and menace to keep the reader turning those pages. Backed no problem.

BL Phillips wrote 909 days ago

Family Snap-

Only three chapters? Pity.

The voice here is fantastic. Confident. Reliable. Consistent. Unapologetic. Sam is true to her age and herself--not always easy to do when writing a teenage protagonist. I like how you've kept it in her POV, allowing us to know things only as she allows us. Very smart.

Typo ch2: ...still twenty-two Cambell's (Campbells) in the local directory.

Good job here. -Brad (Larcenous Tendencies I & II)

Jo Ellis wrote 909 days ago

Wow this is fantastic, emotional, riveting and endearing.

Introducing the story slowly showing us Sam's life without her Mum (who I thought was dead initially) and the injustice of the law.

The disappointment when they know the case will be closed and how Sam is obviously going to chase her own form of justice.

Then showing us where her Mum really is and how difficult it would be to still have her Mum but not the same....

Oh I would keep reading this... simply wonderful.

Jo xx

Spoilt

Jeanne Bannon wrote 910 days ago

Your pitch grabbed me and made me want to read. I'm glad I did. Well done. Great writing. The only thing I could suggest is perhaps making your chapters a little shorter. That way they're easier to read and less daunting. You may attract more readers by doing that.

Anyway, happily shelved.
Jeanne (Dark Angel)

Jane Alexander wrote 911 days ago

OMG, this is incredible. That first chapter alone is so darn clever. You pull the rug out from under us so many times but in such a low-key way. This is such intelligent writing - so considered and perfectly pitched. I normally agree with TL but in this case, I don't - I wouldn't change a thing. Top-end of the YA market - perfect crossover title. Just plain magic. Wish I could write like this.
Backed.
Jane
WALKER

T.L Tyson wrote 912 days ago

Your pitch works wonders for your book. Without a doubt in my mind.
Now I thought I read this, Honestly I did. Glad I came back and backed it!
In all honesty the MC's voice is really what held my attention. With your short pitch I thought it would be getting right down to business but I found the beginning a little meandering, which is fine as the voice of your MC is so strong that it held my attention.
THis is heartbreaking in parts. Most notably for me was when her mother didnt know how old she way, for some reason that just kicked me in the gut.
Regardless, it could do with some paring and clean up, but I am taking an axe to mine so I know we all need an edit. That said, good stuff.
Backed.
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

John Booth wrote 912 days ago

Hi Ruth,
I read all you've put up here. There were places I felt real anguish in sympathy with Sam. This is a fantastic story and deserves to be published. Shelved.

The relationship developing between Sam and Rob is fascinating. I want to read more. I didn't spot anything I would change, except perhaps the chapters should be cut into two. They are too long for Authonomy.

Good luck with this. Get it published, I want to read the rest of it.

John Booth (Shaddowdon)

paxie wrote 914 days ago

Ruth

I went to the Winchester Writers Conference this year.....It was quite enlightening.....Not sure if I'll next year though......

I read your loaded chapters one and two.......Your short and long pitch are identical.....I'd change one...... by the time the reader opens your book we're reading the same line for the 3rd time.....'In two weeks I'll be sixteen.........'

Sam , Sammy, Samantha......Do I really need to know that, I thought this a tepid opening.......

I was concious of seeing the word 'that' alot

me 'that' I'm good enough
and 'that' I should be doing photography
things 'that are' real to me
my favourite 'that one' , because she loods happy
take 'that' long to find.....

Do a word search, on 'that' your elbow will slide off the desk when you see them highlighted.....I was infested with 'little' and 'really', they were all over the place....

A fantastic premise, powerful narration and simplistic dialogue....Am sure this will do well......Shelved with pleasure.....

andyroo wrote 914 days ago

You have a very authoritative voice here, it commands the reader and is quite effective. It feels genuinely calculated and off-kilter, a bit unhinged. Reminds me of the strong, yet intelligent words of a certain Hanibal Lecter.

Andrew

DES wrote 916 days ago

amongst other things I love the tags to this book, Crime, Gangs, Murder, Retribution, Revenge, SUFFOLK. Yes, 'real life' in very ordinary places. Backed

DES
Turned On

Phyllis Burton wrote 932 days ago

Hello Ruth, I was hooked by your pitch, well done. I must say that I agree entirely with MDS'S comments below. SHELVED.

Phyllis Burton
A Passing Storm (If you have time to read APS I would be most grateful.)

Phyllis Burton wrote 932 days ago

Hello Ruth, I was hooked by your pitch, well done. I must say that I agree entirely with MDS'S comments below. SHELVED.

Phyllis Burton
A Passing Storm (If you have time to read APS I would be most grateful.)

Phyllis Burton wrote 932 days ago

Hello Ruth, I was hooked by your pitch, well done. I must say that I agree entirely with MDS'S comments below. SHELVED.

Phyllis Burton
A Passing Storm (If you have time to read APS I would be most grateful.)

Steve Ward wrote 932 days ago

Ruth,
Excellent writing. Love the cynical but youthful writing voice. A lot of English venacular I'm not too familiar with but the voice is so distinctive and it draws the reader along like a magnet. I read all you have posted and was a little dissappointed: I wanted to she her kill the guy! My book has a similar angle with a young woman fighting impossible odds out for revenge. Great premise and I'm itching to see more chapters. Well done, Cos I realy like it. Love the Dream Job outline. Good luck with your book.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

C.P. wrote 991 days ago

What can I say after reading this. My husband and I sat side by side and read it together. It took awhile to get into but after the story started moving it pulled hard. Ruth your writing is strong and well done and your characters are easy to care about. They won't be dismissed. Good luck with this I hope it does well. On my shelf.
C.P

Simon Swift wrote 993 days ago

Love it Ruth! Gritty, tough, intense and brilliant!!!
Simon x

Sheila Belshaw wrote 1000 days ago

Ruth,

FAMILY SNAP

This belongs on the Editor's Desk.

Sometimes I'm tempted to skim through a lot of the Authonomy books. But not yours. I devoured every word. Couldn't stop. Was intrigued, hooked, curious, frightened . . .

The construction is so logical, it's exciting to read; the voice so authentic, the first person just right.

I felt that you could have ended the first chapter with the brilliant line - "He's the man I'm going to kill." In fact your chapter one actually lends itself to being three short chapters, not a bad thing for YA. As for being YA, it could appeal to a far wider audience. I would leave that tag out if I were you. Too restricting.

Is your editor happy with "alright" instead of "all right"?
I wondered why her Mum called her Sammy.

I can't wait to read on. Backed with great pleasure.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

Phil Rowan wrote 1000 days ago

I loved your pitch for Family Snap, Ruth, and your writing delivers: it is excellent. Sam is a strong, empathetic character; your use of the first person works really well for her, and this isn't always the case. I think your narrative pace and your characters are a sure fire draw throughout. Backed with pleasure and good luck with your writing. Phil Rowan (Weimar Vibes)

msm0202 wrote 1000 days ago

Ruth,
I've rarely read such an "in your face," completely honest first person narrative on authonomy as this. Sam is dead set on killing Douglas Campbell, and it seems nothing else matters. She's not afraid of the cops, although I love her line from the police station, "Any criminal would confess just to get the hell out of there."
This is intense, hard driving and very compelling.
Shelved.
Mark

setondan wrote 1031 days ago

This is a great book! I can tell you have had experience in writing published works before. Great job. Shelved.

Peter Carlyle wrote 1034 days ago

Hi Ruth,

Surprised your book has been here for so long yet not reched the ed's desk. The pitch and fopening is rivetting. Your style ropes the reader in almost against their will. 'Stop reading now if you can't handle that.' Reverse phsycology! Who can put that down now? Not me. A 16 year old planning murder. Got to ask all those questions - why, when, who, what! Hell this is a raw roller coaster read.

You're narrator is so real, I feel she's in the room chatting to me.

Why isn't this on the desk?

Peter.

JohnRL1029 wrote 1035 days ago

Best opening lines ever. ha. This is well-written, fast-paced, YA fiction. Most YA fiction is garbage, but this is really good. The YA market needs more writers like you. WL.

JANVIER wrote 1043 days ago

Hello Ruth,

You grabbed my attention from the pitch and kept me hook all the way. I read chapters 1-3 . They are well-written and unveil an unfolding plot that is very compelling. Shelved.

Janvier (Flash of the Sun)

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 1054 days ago

This has huge potential. This is a pitch and a book to really capture the youth market. Everything about it is right and the pace is perfect. On my shelf. Patrick Barrett (Shakespeares Cuthbert)

Authorfiction wrote 1065 days ago

This book has a strong voice,and is a very excellent read,thou I will like to see it finished because I want to see what the end will bring,this book is very captavating and I think there are a few or many people out there who might actually experience this kind of anger.overall i give it an A (great job!!)