Majid's Story

Your writing style is excellent. It flows well and tells the story rather than jumping around to claim its own attention.
To the untrained eye you seem to know a lot about Middle Eastern customs, idioms and so forth. Most readers will want to know what your credentials are, whether you have Middle Eastern relatives or lived there for a while, that kind of thing. People need to know that what they're reading is authentic.
Your faith is clearly important to you, but I feel strongly that if you are setting out to write about secular conflict that portraying yourself as non-partisan will do you much benefit. Readers may feel that you have an axe to grind otherwise, and afraid of encountering a lecture they may avoid your tale. If you do have something particular to say, the lesson must be told in the subtlest of ways so the reader barely detects it, if ever. Above all, avoid being didactic.
Good luck and keep writing!

J A Humm
(The Retreat)

I think this book is rather brilliant. This writer has talent, and lot's of it.

BACKED INDEED

Hope you get the chance to peek inside The Russian Hat
warm wishes
Brendan

Have you re-written this after last year's comments? I can't see any major problems with the writing.

The first chapter was a brave introduction. Obviously it doesn't appeal to everyone. I thought it achieved what I suspect it set out to achieve, though: introduce the harshness of the situation but show that the people are taking it with stoicism. Any embellishment with names and specifics would have achieved... what? I don't know.
Literary fiction should be brave. Sometimes that means quirky. That's a good thing.

The subsequent chapters are laid out like brief anecdotes. I liked that. It somehow reduces the intensity of what you are narrating to a manageable level. Otherwise, the pathos would have been too much to cope with.

This is a difficult subject and there are no easy ways of handling it. We have become used to taking our fiction as entertainment and if a piece of text fails to entertain us, we feel it must either be a boring text book or a failed story. Sometimes (not always, but certainly often enough) this is the reader's failure and not the author's. I suspect this is one of those cases. Of course, convincing the average punter to pay for a book that doesn't entertain them is another story, so this is probably not going to be a commercial success -- wish I could say otherwise.

There are of course other ways of telling these stories. Have you considered humour?
No, seriously.
Stick some fantasy elements in there, add some humour and call it a modern fable or a political fairytale. Not that I would stoop to that sort of thing. Oh no.

I am backing this because I feel it is a story that needs to be told and one that has been told well. I also believe thatr it could be re-told in another format more accessibly without losing any of the main themes.

Best wishes.
Huseyin
'All Things Noble'

MAJID'S STORY (Kathryn Kraft)
Good day Kathryn. Sit down, because this is going to be brutal.
I presume you're writing because you wish to say something, you want this something brought to the attention of the public, which means publication.
I hope you are aware of the expression, "If you want to send a message -- use Western Union." In other words, if you're writing fiction, make it an interesting story, not a sermon.
Your "blurb" tells the public about having faith and a lot of vagueness, amounting pretty much to "I thank thee Lord I am not as other men." Nobody cares about your "faith." That's your own concern. What the reader and publisher want to know is, "what's your platform?" Are you writing abour refugees from Iraq on the basis of personal excperience? If so, what? What have you done with your life? Have you any writing credentials?
Your blurb is not a prospectus for a church group, it's to sell yourself to a publisher. Did you ever work ngo? Have you ever been to the Middle East? If you don't make statements in these regards, it will be presumed you have no platform and you will be passed over.

Now to your book.
I've read the two comments which were not unreasonable. I've read the first four (very short) chapters.
Your first chapter could be retained and shortened; it gives a sense of mystery and intrigue as it stands without names, attributions etc. But there is an axiom that readers don't like to be mystified too much. There are others, suggesting you should get on with the real story, not spin your wheels before it begins.
In chapter two there is narrative with no names; this should be converted to a conversation between named persons in an identifiable and described place. You refer to "Christian," a vague word. What kind of Christian? There are several sects from Iraq, each with their own support groups.
In chapter three some conversation begins and names are given, but the persons are not identified. Who are they?
Chapter four starts "My" -- who is me?

I think you need to get some texts on fiction writing. There are many. It's great that you're starting out. You will get a lot of good and well-meant advice on Authonomy. Your book gets noticed by you writing critiques on other person's works -- lots of them. There are hundreds here for you to read, most of them not terribly good. Important for you to read in your own genre, as much as you can.

best wishes
mch

The second chapter is much better; it gives us more depth, but you need to give us the name of your protag. I think you should do away witht he first chapter and start here with the second.

With the current popularity of Slumdog Millionaire and The Kite Runner, I saw this pitch and thought this would be a good read.

Interesting presentation for the first chapter; however,very confusing without GLs specifying who's who. Tom said, she said, they whispered. This read like the bones of a movie script without the tags. This is all too much dialogue and reads more as a play than a novel.

My advice is to flesh this out with description, characterization, etc. This would be an interesting new style if you used some desciption with it, otherwise, I don't know who's speaking or why. Also, you may wish to start with the story instead of having the character at the end say, "...let me tell you my story." Victorian-age jazz, sort of, and these days it's far better to introduce the story at a gallop.

Good luck; i hope you find my critique useful. :)