The Univited House Guest

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

The Uninvited House Guest - Tobias, well-wrought tale, gritty, funny, with an appropriate jaded worldly view.. good luck in getting published.. evan (oaklane woods)

Somehow I do not understand your character. You talk about the higher self, yet he steals! Something there does not fit in. Fiction or not, I would never mix them, one would never know what is round the corner. Sorry am unable to back your book.

Mia.

Hi Tobias
Just read your first chapter and will be back to read the rest later. I am no literary genius but I know what I like and I like this. Will you be uploading more? I hope so!

Tobias, i am by no means a literary genius, but i am really enjoying, i'll be back when i have it more time.

Hi Tobias,

I haven't read your chapters yet--I just saw the pitch line on the main books page.

I have one suggestion:

I would cut the "up" so that instead of:

"The Hermit is a military intelligence officer who went to ground and liked it so much, he never came back up."

...you have:

The Hermit is a military intelligence officer who went to ground and liked it so much, he never came back.

Incidently you'd have to change the bottom half of your long script hinting at his aim. Good luck!

I was hoping for more of the same vendetta, perhaps going after a few more arms dealers or 'bad apples' that would be a more commercial route. What you've got here is a brilliant start, you must really keep the revenge angle, maybe pick up a hanger on where you have to teach the tricks of the trade. Staying under the radar is a original idea but to keep readers happy he must have an aim. Maybe anyone else involved with wiping out his team.
Your man is so deep, my characters are light weight! Sorry mate your head you have to go with what you're happy with, chapter 2 was very good - even if you hated writing it ! Good luck ! Any comments on mine are welcome!

I am not sure where to take the hermit next. At first I had him just lounging - which is anti narrative. I tried to build narrative structures in but when I have done so, as in the case of the 'damage and payment' chapter it didnt feel like the hermit to me. I thought he could publish a non fiction guide to high 'on street' living. My other avenue of direction is for him to pick up a disciple/hanger on.

Strictly speaking he should be in a revenge story, due to a past that has forced him underground, but I just like the idea of staying safely underground.

Please do let me know what you think.

Tobias, I have to echo the sentiments of Michael. This is very well written, deep and compelling. I'm amased it hasn't got further up the chart. Well, maybe not, it seems this type of book is not popular. Perhaps removing SAS from the title would help. I really enjoyed it, perhaps because I could relate to it, although I hasten to add not to that level. Certainly if it was in a bookshop I would buy it - are you going to post any more because I would like to read more ! You've certainly got me intrigued as where you're going to take it. I'll certainly put it on my book shelf and recommend it! (There is one typo ....Incisor missile...anti-materiAl missile). Please post some more !

Hi Tobias,

I too have a SAS story, although I suspect mine is rather less poetic! This is great writing, interesting and believable. I too wonder if it's part of a novel? I would be interested to know where the story leads...

Hello Tobias,

I've read the four chapters you've posted and added your book to my 'shelf'. I think you write very well indeed. You either have experience in this field (pardon the pun) or you have researched your subject with great diligence. He has a very compelling voice, and the idea of this outsider on the edge of society watching us and commenting on our strange lives is simple and brilliant. Your attention to detail is, at times, astounding. I suppose this is something that writers and special forces operatives share in common: verisimilitude (bringing a story to life, and keeping a soldier alive).

I note that you posted your work on this site in May, but this is the first feedback you've received. I think a reason for this might be having 'SAS' in the title. In a bookshop it would certainly catch the eye, as the regiment has a quasi-supernatural presence in the public imagination, but I think among other writers there might be the feeling that this is a certain type of book. To be honest, I thought the same but I ignored my prejudices and was pleasantly suprised to find something much deeper and richer than the usual.

Is the writing you have shown here part of a novel? If so, I look forward to reading more.

Michael O'Morden