Fiona vs. the Foot Tickler

You have got the personalities and the dialogue of newspaper people and small townsfolk down pat. I love this. As a former reporter myself (Syracuse and Plattsburgh), the whole thing rang true to me. Because you have the same background, you have authority when you bring these characters in, and the relationships have credibility.

What I also like is that, although there is obviously a plot, this is more of a character-driven work than a plot-driven one. And you have an eye and an ear for the quirky nuances. Your dialogue is top-notch and true to life.

I predict this will be published! And as my contribution, consider it shelved. Thanks for an enjoyable read.

This is extraordinary, from the title itself to the last sentence I read: 'A clean-shaven Gandalf.' I don't think I have anything constructive to say about this. You seem to me to be doing everything right and your writing is, to my mind, impeccable. I can see why you like John Irving, by the way, and I can see the Foot-tickler sitting alongside Hotel New Hampshire and being by no means out of place. Your style did remind me a bit of Robertson Davis, too, especially in The Deptford Trilogy. Not sure why. I am sorry I have nothing else I can say about this. I could speak about the laconic humour, the brilliant dialogue, the superb characterisation, the unlikely crime at the centre of the story, but I am sure you know all about those things already and do not need me to tell you that you have done it all to perfection. This is going on my shelf and I expect to see it racing up the charts.

Paul House (Common Places)

So, I read the synopsis for this and didn't really believe someone could pull off what you claimed to pull off. I know people on this site usually "swap reads" but I read it on my own and I was very impressed. You are a very funny woman and I especially love your dialogue. Well done.

-Richie

I've got a terrible confession to make. I've seen the title lots of times, but I didn't like the sound of it so I didn't read it. Very narrow of me and I appologise.

Having read the first chapter I love it. It's original and funny and the blurb promises some darkness.

To make up for my churlishness, this is going on my SHELF. Now.

Good luck, Joanna

You've had me laughing like a maniac this morning. This is so quirky and fun and just plain different. I really love it. I'm putting you on the watchlist until I find some space on that tiny little shelf of mine but I will be back because I really really love this. I can see it as a series. Ace!

Seriously funny. The title lured me in and the writing makes me want to stay. Love the algebra teacher, love the fact that men are getting tickled too, love the dialogue like "Screw baseball... I'd rather screw you." Bravo.

Would it be better to say: Idiot savant, rainman kind of way... just thinking. Little tension in the first chapter. I'm guilty of this too, but what if you start off in the mind of the real criminal? I'm sorry, but I've only read the first chapter, so I don't know what the circumstances are of the murder, or murders. What if the victims have their feet mutilated after being killed? What if the people getting foot tickled were all beautiful women. Maybe these women get their feet licked instead of tickled? I'm sorry, but I'm thinking like a man. I like the dialogue, very realistic. The POV voice of Fiona is wonderful. Good pace in the narrative. I'll put your work on my WL until my shelf gets reshuffled. Best of luck with this novel.
David Schild
The Next John Elway

Hi T

I have no idea how this got on my watchlist, but it did. So I read a couple of chapters :) It is well written, the dialogue realistic, and I like the premise. It's a little too ludicrous to be believable, but it's comedy, so that's ok. I'd be interested to see how you change the atmosphere when the tickling turns to murder. The swearing seems unnecessary and unnecessarily strong, but perhaps that's just personal preference. It's well enough written that I made very few notes, but here they are:

'[...]old-timers tell...Now look...' - the ... should have a space after it if you are starting a new sentence, or if it is a continuation of the first, then no space but no capital either.

Her hair around her finger - the 'it' here seems to point towards the hair rather than the finger. I had to read it twice to make sense of it.

The brackets around the bit about Irv's cat - brackets shouldn't be on a sentence of their own, and the full stop should be outside.

'genuinely shocked' - how would she know he's genuine? Apparently-genuine, yes, but if this is from her POV, she wouldn't know.

I don't think you can creep up on someone and call 'who's there?' - rather ruins the creeping.

The back and forth between Fiona and Connor seems unrealistic after they've just heard someone scream 'rape' - especially since it's his girlfriend. "Let's just stand here and exchange some witty banter before we go to the girl's aid."

Lastly, how did the police arrive just seconds after she screamed for help? And if Sanchez was patrolling the area, why did he decide to wander over to talk to Fiona instead of responding to the screams of 'rape'?

Overall, it's well written and amusing. I'm sure it will do very well. Good luck :)

I'd appreciate it if you have time to have a read of, and comment on, my own book, too. Thanks :)

I liked the work. A smoother introduction in resect to "Mrs. Mulcahy" might be used to introduce this character. The abrupt mention of her name jars the read slightly. On my WL until a slot opens. Mr. Nom

Hi, I thought I'd give this a boost in August by backing it since I'd been watching it for some time. It's fun. Brilliant dialogue. Great characters.

Hey, what can I say that hasn't already been said?
You have a really great story here, and I really wish it was mine. You have written it brilliantly and with great ease, and its obvious to anyone you've enjoyed every moment you have spent on it.
Its funny, its quirky and its real. Your characters are believable and your dialogue is written well.
I think it has everything a book needs to be published and can't see why any would turn it down.
I have to give it six stars, and your backed!
Ruby Middleton
'Will Ryan'

What a wonderfully written story! The pitch hooked me and the rest of it kept me reading till I got to the end. Marvelous job. And I love the small townishness of it all, although I wonder how small the town really is if it seems that not everyone really knows each other. My hometown has a population of 1800, so I was a little curious about how small "small" was, but otherwise, excellent story! I'd love to read more.

Hi! Just finished the first chapter. I found it to be very delightful. A very good read and one that is difficult to put down. Thanks so very much for sharing your story. I love your writing style. The dialogue is excellent! Your characters are well defined. It's like watching a movie. I am backing you with admiration and sincere wishes for your publishing success! Marie - 'Mud Pies and Spirits' and 'Spirits Never Die'

Hi Theresa,

I enjoyed my read. You have an engaging storyline, well-drawn characters and absorbing dialogue. There is good flow to the writing and you have an understated, appealing writing style. For the most part the narrative is polished too.

Here are my crits - please accept, reject or ignore as you see fit.

Like another reviewer, I found the POV shifts unsettling. It is mainly written from Fiona's POV but it switches to a third person narrator a few times and scene two opens before Fiona has arrived. As they also mentioned, the first scene starts with a minor character speaking - better to start from the MC's POV and give the reader a very clear signpost. As a personal preference, I don't like openings that start with dialogue - the reader has to get to the speech tag before they can attach to a character. But that's just me!

I'm in two minds about the pace and plot. I agree that not a lot happens in ch1 and 2, but I think the charm and the characters hold it together - it has a sort of 'Fargo' feel to it. Given that it is not an action/plot driven narrative though, I do think it could do with some 'movement' - introduce more smells and sounds and tastes to add layers to the dialogue. Otherwise, the bar scene feels a bit static other than people picking up and setting down drinks in between dialogue.

Overall this is a fine read - as I already noted, it has that quirky, small-town America, Fargo, vibe to it - you can feel a great set of characters and neat storyline evolving.

Terry
One small nit: in the sentence that starts 'Fiona twirled a strand' the word 'it' should refer to the first object, in this case the strand of hair - whereas you mean for it to refer to F's finger, the second object. It just threw me off beam a little.

The other minor nit is a comma. 'Behind the bar Matt Dawson ...' Without a comma after 'bar' the reader run-on makes it awkward.

Theresa, this is a great read that should definitely go back up towards the ED, excellently written, funny, personal, intelligent. You have great observational powers and an easy and accessible way of writing that is very appealing. It can't be difficult to find a large audience who will love your book. The editing is perfect as well. Please, believe 200% in your book and get it published. 6 stars and on my shelf when other obligations are fulfilled. This is no empty promise. Hannah

There seemed to be a lot of emphasis on maths. Pete teaches it, Mrs Mulcahy used to and Irv was some kind of math prodigy. if it's meant to show some connection then I'd say it was too obvious, and if it isn't, then it's too distracting.

The idea and the characters are fairly interesting, but the first chapter was very slow paced, imo. They sit around in a bar chatting. while what they're talking about has some relevance to the story, I think you could make more of a scene of it by having other stuff going on, or just providing a more inventive way of getting the info across. People just meeting up and exchanging information is too flat and expositional.

The narrative require some ups and downs and if she gets hold of pertinent facts too easily it lessens the impact of that info, and you're also missing an opportunity to show us how Fi operates. The whole point of action in a story is to reveal character. what someone does, how they do it, the choices they make under pressure, tells us who they are and makes us like them (or not). If the waitress has info you want her to give to Fi, don't have her just lean across and tell her, think how you can convey the info that will at the same time show us what Fi is like, what she's capable of, how she rolls.

The tone of that first chapter is very laid back. even though it's quite light hearted at the moment and will probably pick up the pace later, the reader doesn't know that. That first chapter just trailed off, no real reason to keep reading, nothing at stake, just some mild oddness. There's various ways to increase the tension without changing the whole tone of the piece, you could have Mrs Mulcahy more worked up (about something Fi gets out of her -0 the more unexpected the better), the police couls be upset with Fi (whoch would pay off later when she encounters them), another reporter on the case, whatever, but if you let the story just sit at this level, even if you have a good reason for doing so, it makes it very easy to stop reading.

The second chapter had a little more going on but it is still quite flat. the girl encounters the tickler who runs away... that's it. You're providing very simplistic plotting. That felt like it should have been the kicking off point for a set of events, but ended up being a damp squib. Nothing wrong with what you wrote, interesting characters with the teenagers trying to fuck, the cops on the scene etc. but it just didnt go anywhere. if the idea is to start slow and build, i would suggest you're starting too slow. Even though it's a minor pest at the moment doesn't mean you can't make it more involving. That doesn't mean sniffer dogs and helicopters, just structuring events to be less linear and less straightforward.

Overall I think there is a good idea here, but the pace was too slow for me, and events were too basic, so far, in my opinion, i could be wrong though.

Fiona is worried about getting old, too, isn't she? *g* Of winding up like the teacher.

There's a lot here that's really good. I had a real sense of place and character, of a story unfolding before my eyes. You have a fine eye for detail.

But it also feels awkward, newbie-ish. The story doesn't flow smoothly. The individual sentences sometimes feel awkward. The POV is shaky in spots. We start out with a minor character, when it might be better to start with the protag listening to the minor character talking. There's a good chance some readers are going to think the first character they hear talking is the protag.

"---not the kind you see in rich people's homes----" This is a POV shift, from third person limited to omniscient. If you have Fiona thinking this, then it goes back to third person limited.

"not even to go to the bathroom" *blink* It must really smell bad in there. Sorry, but this doesn't work.

"She was leaning on one elbow---" The antecedent of she is unclear. The previous two sentences are about a male character. This is a vaguely imprecise thing that, done often enough, leads to a sense of reader confusion without his quite knowing why. "Carolann was leaning on one elbow---" makes it clear.

And the POV is shaky again. We seem to start out in omniscient but wander into Fiona's head on occasion.

You use a construction that, while grammatically correct, is weak. There is a better way.

"CarolAnn asked, setting a Sam Adams on the table."
"she answered, rasing a beer and tipping it to her lips."

You do that a lot. Consider:

"CarolAnn asked. She set a Sam Adams on the table."
"she answered. She raised a beer and tipped it to her lips."

Does this not feel sharper, crisper? The action stands out more. There are times when the weaker construction works better, but IMO, as a general rule, IMO, the separate-sentence construction is more effective.

Shelved. Want to let it sit there while I read more and can comment more constructively

A great book full of fun and written very well.
Like the book cover very much.
Thanks for a lovely read, still laughing.
Pleased to rate your book and wish you well. RATED.
Will look out for a space on my shelf for this.
kind regards,

Neville THE SECRETS OF THE FOREST - SERIES.

I'm sure I backed you before, everything seems so familiar. I LOVE your humor! (and your wonderful imagination)
Best of luck, Jedward (Knut)

I like this sort of laid back humour with a twisted take on a standard genre. The characters really ring true and the premis is just great. Fantastic title too. Well done.
Rhonda Louise
Wombat Sushi.

Excellent read. Your character Fiona is immediately knowable to the reader and you start of the story briskly. One small thing--not a big fan of the f-word on the first page, too early for me and off-putting. I think it distracts from the type of story that this really is, which is broadly accessible and really, quite commercial. Great job, happy to back this (again :-)).

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Backed this before. Happy to do so again. Confident, original work. Best of luck. A

I absolutely love your voice and wit. Your ecstatic voice pulls the reader along… (by the hair.) lol I guess the best compliment I can pay you is that I really got into the story, which is something I rarely do on this site, but with this I found myself continuing to read, and that s all we can hope for as writers. Your narrative flows well—and your dialogue is spot on, very natural sounding. Your have a great intuition for story telling that breathe life into your characters. I wanted to crawl into the book and hurl barbs of wit until someone smiled at me. I have no significant advice for you as you seem to know what you are doing. But if you’re interested in tweaking it, I noticed sometimes you slow your narrative down in places where it seems to want to flow.


“…through the door and stood glancing around…” this image is more fluid and impactful if you don’t interrupt it with “of McCabs” let it flow. Let the image unfold. Read it without the geography and see how it feels to you. There is a more exasperated feel to the line without the interruption, and the reader will pick up on it. Part of polishing your work will be honing your intuition for when you should allow the narrative to move along when it’s on a roll. Details can be worked in later, when they can be slid in fluidly.



The other side of that argument is knowing when to stop. There were a few passages (can’t remember where), that you move on too quickly when it seems to me it could have been more impactful to stop. End on strong images when you can. You can better control the experience of your reader that way. Give them time to soak a compelling moment up before you move their attention on. If you have a really strong, impactful, or funny image, or narrative element often a period (.) is the difference between the reader not noticing it at all, or thinking to themselves what a genius you are. lol On such images or narrative elements, stop for effect. Dramatic pause. Force the reader to stop and let them linger so that the image, thought, or impactful moment can sink in before they move on. If you throw in a comma and move on too quickly, you are basically directing their attention away from your brightest moments—and so the reader moves on before the moment is fully realized in their mind. When you polish this, look for places where you can tweak in both of these ways. You are a wonderful writer. The next step is learning how to control your reader's experience so that they take away from it what you want them to.

But this is all polishing techniques—your prose style is strong and I enjoyed it. This really is one of the better manuscripts I have read on this site in some months, so I wish you the best of luck with it.



blueboy

Theresa -

Fiona vs. the Foot Tickler - Your alter ego? Fiona is relentlessy funny. A breath of fresh air, good medicine.

Backed with pleasure, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

By turns this is funny, bitter and wonderfully expressed. BACKED

Holy moly- this is a riot. #1, the title had me at square one #2, your pitch pulled me deeper and by #3, I was sold. I read the 1st chapter... enough for me to back comfortably. Men's feet can be pretty gross, can't they?
Carrie
The Darkwood Tales: Demouri's Defeat

As others have noted, you have a natural ear for dialogue and your characters are immediately down-to-earth and knowable. A funny and intriguing beginning to the story, with the investigations into this "crime," and everyone's reactions to it. You should bring some of this appealing writing to your short pitch. I don't think you should ever reference another work to sell your own. Focus on what is appealing and original about your story. Give us a short line or two introducing the story and the real voices of your characters. That will pull in more readers, which this story deserves. Well done.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

There is a wonderful spirit to theis book. Not traditional 'chick-lit' at all, I dound it very engaging and I could see it doing very well with its target audience. I wish you all the best with it.
Carl
The Time Hunters

FIONA
This is a fun book to read. Instead of a serial killer with blood splattered everywhere, the serial person here only tickles feet. Fiona is a good main character; she’s likable because she’d like to be covering more important stories but as this is the story of the day, she’s left to cover this one. You have an engaging writing style: a good balance of dialogue and description that always keeps things moving. I’m adding it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 8th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

hey there, only read the first chapter but thought it was very well written. you obviously have great a command of language and storytelling. not my kind of genre but it was upbeat and fun. is it based on a true story, cos i seem to remember hearing about a serial foot tickler somewhere?

Oh what a delight to read, light clever and very funny and what an idea a criminal who goes around tickling feet- brilliant and some of those lines- ‘He turned roughly the shade of a baby squeezing out a turd’ You cant get more graphic than that. I loved it.

Wilma1

Knowing Liam Riley – I hope you have time to take a look

Excellent characterization and portrait of local color. Backed. Best of luck with this enjoyable, original work! Backed. Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial)

A polished narrative with a unique concept. C W

I'm bookshelving this and then putting in in my watchlist for later reading. I've read three chapters but have to break off. This is the sort of light-hearted yet serious mystery that I try to write. I have found absolutely nothing to fault, Perfect plotting, characters, narrative and dialog. And a quirky theme to set it off. Deserves to get published. Hope Authonomy helps.
Backed.
Best wishes,

Alan Donaghue – Action!

I'm bookshelving this and then putting in in my watchlist for later reading. I've read three chapters but have to break off. This is the sort of light-hearted yet serious mystery that I try to write. I have found absolutely nothing to fault, Perfect plotting, characters, narrative and dialog. And a quirky theme to set it off. Deserves to get published. Hope Authonomy helps.
Backed.
Best wishes,

Alan Donaghue – Action!

Your use of imagery is excellent - Fiona not liking a man's foot as just one example. You could see it and smell it. You have created a great character in Fiona. Your dialogue is crisp and realistic, your work is well paced and your descriptive writing style makes your novel a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans:
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Your narrative and dialogue have a really authentic feel to them, no doubt borne of experience. Happy to back this for you.
Please consider taking a look at my book, The Job.
Craig

Dear T., I love your unexpected twist - who would have guessed? I can hardly wait to read another of your books. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your pitch, which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book: When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

If this is not published, it should be. I've read all that you've uploaded here, and my only negative comment is that there is not more to read. Very well done. Backed with pleasure.

Amy
Love Match

A hilarious take on crime! This reminds me of a strange criminal who was walking the streets in PA a few years back. the characters are fun..you seem to have created one of *those* towns. A town filled with eccentric characters that make for a read where it doens't really matter what happens, you just want to read about what these people will do and say next.
xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Dear Author
Your book inspires and threads a fine path. It is stimulating and provocative in content. Your style of writing is unique and offers up a treat. It was indeed a pleasure to read it.
Backed
The Lord of the Dawn. Beyond 2012.

This is not my normal read and even I was smiling all the way through!

Good read.

Lockjaw

The title is a great hook then your pitches do their job and pull the reader in. You certainly have an eye for character and the words they speak seem natural - clear mark of a good writer. The story is a delight, full of quaintness covering a much more sinister and compelling under story. Your MC Fiona is a very believable character who could certainly survive several stories about her. As a Brit some of your words etc like DUI (drunk under the influence, perchance?) are unfamiliar but your easy prose carries the reader through. Good luck with this. A great find! Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown

Original and well written.
Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further read and possible backing of your book.

Hi -- I liked your work and have backed you.
I have reservations about your pitches --

An unlikely crime + a reluctant heroine = the witty, modern version of "Murder, She Wrote."

I don't think the mathematical symbols are very attractive. Why not , " An unlikely crime and a reluctant heroine equal a witty and modern version of .....

You then go on in the LP to liken your work to the baby of Christopher Moore and Dennis Lehane ( I must admit I've never heard of them, but even if I had, I wonder why you want to admit to so much unoriginality)

Darkly funny, and maybe a bit disturbing, (maybe Darkly funny and somewhat disturbing,)

I hope this is helpful. Just my ideas.

Best wishes, Barry (Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

This is such a cool story and funny as well - excellent writing and very funny which is right up my alley! Perfect chick-lit and right up my alley! BACKED

Liz
The Cheech Room

I love the concept of this, thoroughly enjoyed. I wish you the best of luck with it! Kind regards pinkcoffee 'In The Moment'

Backed January 15.

Jesse - Savant

http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=14062

Hi T,
You are right that this is like a modern version of Murder, She Wrote, or perhaps even Miss Marple. You've created a town full of quirky, believable and likable characters and worked in a plot line that keeps us guessing as to what's going on. Two nitpicks: 1. Fiona seemed a little too course or hard at times for my taste. That may be my own preference for the old-fashioned coming through, but the scene where she told Chaz off in the diner the morning after her bar-hopping binge put me off. She can be modern, streetwise, even slightly cynical, but if she appears hard, I think that conflicts with the mood of the small town reporter following up on this ludicrous foot-tickling case and stumbling into something much darker; 2. You probably realize this, but you've left two writing notes in small print for yourself within the text of chapter two. They both raise good points.
Anyway, this was an engaging story and both the mystery and humor were well crafted. Backed.
Niobrara Kardnova (The Trouble with Wives)

Love it! I always enjoy a reluctant hero. What really works for me is the humor and the way the plot move forward effortlessly keeping me wanting to read until the end. It's also a very original concept, not something you always find in this genre. I'm backing and expecting to see this published.

My books is also Chick Lit. I hope you can give it a read and comments. I like getting comments from those writing similar style novels.

El
Reckless Scarlett

What a gem!
The dialogue is sharp and witty, the plot line is wonderfully crazy and the characters are good fun.
Foot tickling for god's sake:-))

Odd, quirky, original, and utterly delightful. Fiona is a scrappy young reporter with a sense of humor-reminds me a bit of Amanda Plummer. I certainly see this becoming the start of a series. Good luck.
Ruth
Amsterdam 2012

Hi fellow authonomist..

i've read a portion of your work and feel that you write well enough to be backed. I have only looked at the way you construct dialogue and how authentic it is, your characterisations, your descriptive powers and the tightness of your prose. My backing has nothing to do with how well you spell or punctuate, for I need all the help with this myself. Neither am i commenting on the originality or how good your story is. Finally, i believe every book is holistic, and there is no one way to open a novel, or how to make it flow, so I will not force my own style on you, pretending it to be the best.

I have received all the comments I need, and my book, DReam Diamond, is now ready for the Ed's desk to receive a professional evaluation. I ask you to BACK DREAM DIAMOND now, even without a read or comment.

If you want me to comment on you specifically, message me.

BACKED


Jupiter Echoes

I really enjoyed this. It is a witty slice of regional oddness.
My personal favourite is Connor the horny teenager.
Best of luck with this. It deserves to do well.