Book Jacket

 

rank 5456
word count 14815
date submitted 26.12.2008
date updated 10.02.2009
genres: Fantasy, Children's, Young Adult, C...
classification: universal
complete

The Makings of a Hero

Simon Woodward

Lightning brings the new hero to life. He’s short, wears a yellow cat suit and is a feather, but curiously, this doesn’t hinder him, much.

 

At 8:14pm on Halloween a feather is struck by lightning. 20:14 hours or “twenty fourteen hours” was an exact anagram of the sacred Halloween chant of the ancients, “Notnefurt-Ou-thyweers,” which roughly translates into English today as, “Without effort you will yowl when thighs grow under your ears.” And Dave the Feather, now imbued with a life of his own, did, just before splash landing in an exceptionally muddy pen belonging to Tariq, an insomniac tortoise and an inventor, of sorts.
After an awkward introduction Dave leaves Tariq and goes off to fulfil his destiny, helping those of the world he now finds himself in.
Up the road from Tariq’s hutch Dave comes across two young girls having problems with a Movitall – an undergraduate poltergeist, not that he knows this ghoul is the source of their problems, just as they don’t.
Using some un-X-ray glasses (or Ray-Bans as they’re also known), thrown at him earlier by Tariq, Dave discovers what’s behind the girls’ problem with their missing school books and attempts to fix it.
Brave Dave - The Makings of a Hero, follows Dave in his self set task of helping those in trouble, through no fault of their own.

 
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tags

adventure, childrens, comic, fantasy, feather, fiction, hero, humour, illustrated, poltergeist, tortoise, trilogy

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14 comments

 

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FJ Watson wrote 839 days ago

I love the way you use a chant to bring a feather to life. Great story.

Kimmy M. wrote 1145 days ago

I just loooove this,
It's so funny and well written,

Sooo on my shelf,
Good luck with it,
Kimmy
YA group

Erin Yes wrote 1147 days ago

Now, this is different, wonderful and humourous in an Oz sort of way. Readers can identify with these characters, even though they're in an imaginary world. There's a bit of the quixotic in it, too.
It does need editing here and there. For instance, you don't need the first chapter, or perhaps that part could be a done in a different way, through a flashback or integrated into the story elsewhere. The second chapter is where the action begins with your main character.
The whole thing is so unique, though, I'm putting it on my watchlist now.

Helix wrote 1148 days ago

Hi Simon,

Know what? This is pretty awesome. Writing style is excellent, and the tone is spot on. It’s cheeky and choppy. Really makes the reader want to continue. Love the name Jonesy for a swan, by the way. The bit where the feather becomes a creature was great and I could really visualise it. Chapter length is great too. Overall, this is one of those stories that I have nothing negative to say about because I just enjoyed reading it. Definitely gets my backing.

Cheers,

Steve ;>

p.s If you get the chance please check out my book Twistwood. Wild West fantasy-horror for teens and young adults.

Onigirlie wrote 1151 days ago

Hi, from the YA group. A very interesting story indeed. Might be a little too strange for my taste, but interesting none the less. I do like the pacing and how the characters interact with each other. The way Tariq talks to his shell is very interesting and I think I would too if I were a turtle. Nothing I read sticks out to me as needing anything so, good luck with this.

Oni

CJWebb wrote 1156 days ago

Hi Simon! This is a fun story, I can see my grand daughter really enjoying it. I have watchlisted it so I can get back to it. I read 3 chapters. Carlajo The YA Group

RobRow wrote 1156 days ago

Hi Simon:

Rob from the YA reading group here. I've read ten chapters of The Makings of a Hero, and I've got to tell you, this is zany; but zany in a good way. I don't know to which age group you're targeting this, but there's some really funny stuff here. In fact, it's hysterically bizarre. I like the way things kind of transform (or morph) from one point to another in a rapid-fire way; and your short chapters really work to that end. I find the writing to be generally strong, short clear sentences that advance the story. With kids being as quick as they are today, I can see young children following along with the adventure here, no serious questions of logic or logistics involved.

I see from your profile that you've written children's books already, so good luck with this.

Best,
Rob
(The Girl From Palo Duro)

Corinna Turner wrote 1170 days ago

Hi, i finally got to this, I'm sorry i've been so slow! It's really zany, your ideas are so original. I took some notes, all very subjective:

Chapter 1
'Headless Master' – great
Is Movitalls a deliberate play on 'move it all' as in poltergeists move things?
After an entertaining prologue, the last lines came across as a little weak.

Chapter 2
Not clear if the thing about Jonesy being an eagle is literal or metaphorical.
I'm not an ornithologist, do swans wait until winter to migrate? Or is it because Jonesy is really an eagle and hasn't quite got it right?
Repetition of clouds in the cloud description line that could be eliminated, but i like the description a lot.
I liked this. The 'becoming' of the feather is well done.

Chapter 3
'Tariq almost jumped...' - good line. I like your humour.
'and this was' – 'and that was'?
'shoved them all but' – 'shoved all but'?
'the ramp, the ramp which led' – i think you could cut one use of 'the ramp' here.
'Tariq was certain...' - great line!
The shell is great!

Generally, as i said, you have really refreshing ideas. I assume certain things about the world will become clear, i.e. Why a tortoise lives in a hutch but has furniture, but it's all very refreshing. I was wondering how large a character Tariq is going to be, because you're introducing him very thoroughly. Introducing Jonesy a bit was effective and humorous, and Tariq is humorous, but i wonder if there could be a danger of frustrating the reader if you introduce too many characters in detail, only to reveal that they're not the main character, if you see what i mean? But Tariq may be important. I'm sorry i haven't had time to read further.

If i could make one suggestion for an improvement, you do have some slightly awkward sentences. They can be very hard to spot, I'm quite aware, because i write some really clunky ones myself. I have a close friend who reads my work and honestly points out any sentence that trips her up, which is quite effective for smoothing the writing.

Overall i think you seem to have loads of original ideas and humour. Good luck with it!

cmanteria wrote 1234 days ago

Hi Simon,

I read the first couple of chapters. I think that the concept is pretty good but the writing definately needs some polishing. I felt like I was held back by some of the writing style, that the flow could be a bit smoother. This is mostly just editing.

I also felt it odd that the headmaster used the word "learnt" not "learned". Yes I know that is a grammatical choice but do most people, or ghosts, speak that way? Just stuck out to me.

I think you have a good basic story which could benefit from a streamlining of the text and be a great story.

Good luck with it.

If you haven't had the chance to check out Rerun, my MS, please do so:
http://authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?pg=3&bookid=4441

Best wishes,
Chris

TomW wrote 1234 days ago

Simon, have read first 3 chapters. Notes in reading follow.

Chapter 1. 2nd last paragraph. "he said finally" not required, as you have already told us he let the (previous) point sink in.


Chapter 2. Jonesy - amusing name! "Spring, summer..." paragraph good!

"the wind was buffeting", maybe try "the wind buffeted" (not so passive)

orange rays ONTO

Feather sequence very amusing!

I would start with this chapter rather than the Headless Master and the Movitalls.

Chapter 3

certain THAT he would PROBABLY like to have one. Guessing the uncertainty is intentional, but you can lose the "that" (and the "probably" if it's not intentional to be indefinite after the certainty of certain!)

Sunglasses and banana very funny sequences!

Well done, Simon! I'm sure this would be popular with its intended audience. Make sure, if you haven't already, there's lot of things like snot-like exudations - kids like that sort of stuff!

The only minor quibble is that I'm not sure which character to follow at this point, given you have introduced several (albeit well) in quick succession, given your chapters are short.. Perhaps this becomes clearer in subsequent chapters, though.

I will back this and be back for further adventures when time permits.

Regards,

TomW

CarolinaAl wrote 1241 days ago

Hi Simon,

I read your first three chapters.

This is absolutely hilarious. Your imagery is astonishing.

I laughed out loud at 'Headless Master.'

Tariq comes across as a most interesting character. And I love his alter ego, Shell.

Your narrative voice illuminates without being intrusive. Masterfully done, Simon.

Your dialogue is delightful. It's snappy.

Your swift pacing works well with this story.

Some suggested edits.

When using three ellipsis dots, separate them from the text with a space.

About 10 miles into their journey, Spell out numbers 1 to 99. Same thing with '. . . accorfing to the 24 hour clock.'

The time was now 8:14pm. '8:14pm' should be '8:14 p.m.'

"Thanks for the help Shell." Comma after 'help.'

These are minor edits and didn't interfer with my enjoyment of your fabulous story.

Good luck with this book which I have backed.

Al

PS: Might I ask you to read and review SAVANNAH PASSION?


Simon.R.W wrote 1243 days ago

There is so much to like about this story. It really is an easy read and I had to giggle at – ‘The bash on the bonce…’ in the 6th ch. Children would definitely love it and the short chapters are manageable bites of fun. I’ve read 7 chapters and will be coming back to see how the next meeting between Dave and Tariq goes. I just wish I had more time to read right now. Heehee, I’m smiling as I write this and will shelve it because of that.

Just some ideas below but they are just my opinion so ignore any or all if you like.

I don’t know but sometimes to make the action more immediate – in ch 2 – Rain was streaming down… ( Rain streamed down..) the surface was boiling (the surface boiled) was words do slow down the action and are passive but then I’m thinking I wonder if my trying not to use them is what is making my sentences clunky. I don’t know so I’ll leave the stylisation up to you.

Another thought (and it’s only mine so again it’s your call) The last para, we are in the feather’s pov so prob no need to say he saw the mud.

Also prob don’t need to tell the reader when a character thinks to himself for ex – ‘What on Earth was that noise?’ Tariq gingerly detached himself from the ceiling of his hutch.

Ch 3 - 2nd sentence third para doesn’t make sense to me.

Actually as I’m reading, as we’re in Tariq’s pov, I don’t think you need all those tags. He thought to himself – Tariq mused – He wondered and such. Take them out and see what I mean. Makes no difference to the clarity but brings the reader closer to the character. I think, anyway, lol.


Thanks for your comments - I will definitely get to fixing the problems you've highlighted. Cheers for reading.

Dale wrote 1244 days ago

There is so much to like about this story. It really is an easy read and I had to giggle at – ‘The bash on the bonce…’ in the 6th ch. Children would definitely love it and the short chapters are manageable bites of fun. I’ve read 7 chapters and will be coming back to see how the next meeting between Dave and Tariq goes. I just wish I had more time to read right now. Heehee, I’m smiling as I write this and will shelve it because of that.

Just some ideas below but they are just my opinion so ignore any or all if you like.

I don’t know but sometimes to make the action more immediate – in ch 2 – Rain was streaming down… ( Rain streamed down..) the surface was boiling (the surface boiled) was words do slow down the action and are passive but then I’m thinking I wonder if my trying not to use them is what is making my sentences clunky. I don’t know so I’ll leave the stylisation up to you.

Another thought (and it’s only mine so again it’s your call) The last para, we are in the feather’s pov so prob no need to say he saw the mud.

Also prob don’t need to tell the reader when a character thinks to himself for ex – ‘What on Earth was that noise?’ Tariq gingerly detached himself from the ceiling of his hutch.

Ch 3 - 2nd sentence third para doesn’t make sense to me.

Actually as I’m reading, as we’re in Tariq’s pov, I don’t think you need all those tags. He thought to himself – Tariq mused – He wondered and such. Take them out and see what I mean. Makes no difference to the clarity but brings the reader closer to the character. I think, anyway, lol.

Simon.R.W wrote 1245 days ago

Brave Dave - The Makings of a Hero is the first in a trilogy that follows Brave Dave's effort to help all those he comes across, suffering problems through no fault of their own.
In the second book (Brave Dave; book II: The Time Goblin) Brave Dave and Tariq solve the problem a Time Guardian is suffering, that being the inability to keep time no matter what he tries.
In the third book (Brave Dave; book III: The Caribbean Conspiracy) Brave Dave and Tariq save Father Christmas from a kidnap attempt, in the Caribbean.
For more info on these please take a look at www.bravedave.co.uk.

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