Katharsis

Robert,
The synopsis reveals an imaginative plot with an educational environmental message. Katharsis has a deep concept for fiction and I look forward to seeing the complete work. Backed with pleasure.

You know what? You have a great background in science, and for some reason, I thought if this is true when I started to read this. Beacause at first I was dram by the pitch, although I myself would probably not go as far, and wrtie instead "around the hailling ferelity of Earth" or something, but I guess that makes less sence hahah.

but anyway, I read and I for some reason was sure you had somekind of scientific background because of all the really precise and vivid imagery with words. and I checked your profile and was actually a bit surprised that I was right. and although I enjoyed the first chapter I did sometimes feel you could tone it down a bit with the awesomness of all the words hehehe.

but other than than very good, shelved and will read moer when I can :)

Robert,

This is a lofty and, for me, irresistable premise. Once I settled into the present tense narration, I enjoyed the story itself as well. I think you deserve recognition. You know how to entertain while making a statement. Kudos! Happy to shelve this.

Heidi
Turning Red

Here I am again, the dissenting voter. I did so want to like your novel because I, too, write from a passionate view about how the world should be, compared to the world as it is. However, even your pitch reveals what I think is a problem with the way you've written your story.

I was stopped from reading more than a few pages because I think you're trying too hard with your language and metaphors. Read Noah Lukeman's The First Five Pages, especially the part about metaphors and similes. As a result of reading him, I'm now combing my ms. and eliminating the inappropriate and unnecessary ones.

Trying too hard leads to over-writing and "many precious little darlings" (PLDs.) We all do it; we all must learn to kill off those precious little darlings. Here are some of yours: "mystified over this sweaty communion," "sex with the wet earth," "extrapolations," "evaluation of density." I'm sure I'd find many more.

PLD's are those wordings, phrasings and sometimes whole paragraphs which we slave over. We're sure the Pultizer/Orange/whatever prize is within our grasp. The problem is that they can be awkward, out of the character's voice, obtuse, and sometimes all of those things. PLD's are clear to us, but confound the reader and take the reader out of your story. The best writing is invisible and always furthers the story. The Story Is King. Take a look at Cormac McCarthy, who rarely uses metaphor or simile, yet his writing is beautiful.

You have a lot of good things going on in your story. Let it be king, resist the temptation to show off, make the language suit its setting and its characters...in short, make it flow naturally and you'll have a winner.

Okay, shoot me! I hope I'm prepared to be hated for my honesty. As well, remember that this is my opinion and I could be wrong.

Cheers,
Sheryl (comment on mine? Backing optional)

I'm enjoying reading this more carefully, and from the start again.
Still shelved. Still brilliant.
A little more detail in a message to you Robert.

Hello, Robert - not much to add to soe other great comments. Your prologue was just the right length, although chpt 1 felt long. Not sure what I'd cut, though, because so much of it is the excellent dialogue, which was cracking stuff. Mention of 'immovable patriotism' in your pitch was a clever device. Sets the reader up for some undoubtedly troubled waters ahead. A couple of other random thoughts:

- falling in love "once with a girl, and once with a woman": nice line. I get where you're coming from, old chap;
- "chessnut what?": love your characterisation. Cannily done through your dialogue;
- "there's no you in penis, Herb": excellent stuff.

Worth a spin on the old shelf. Best of luck with it, Robert - sestius

Having read all 7 chapters.....as I couldn't stop......thanks for that. First and foremost, character tone dialogue - bang on for the descriptives. Genius with the use of words. Nice to see someone who works outside the box. This is a very good thing, as it capativated me well. By the way, both my husband and I ride - Suzuki Boulavards. So, it was a good book for me. Is it finished?

Thanks,

Sherry

Dear Robert,


Cleansing, is in Greek. I was attracted by the Literary genre.

Reading your synopsis, I perked up when I read chopper. My wife and I both ride street bikes. Complex story. I was obliged to read your synopsis twice.

Prologue. Present tense. Good. Makes it immediate. Just within the opening three paras, I realize this is something else. A lot of writing but I reckon it’s from experience. You are not making this up. You have made that trudge yourself. So have I. I ain’t no city slicker.

Which reminds me. Ballast for a ball and claw? You’ll die young. Much better to get out there and jog.

Chapter One. This is lovely writing. I am chuckling at the cheek of it. Again, you are not writing this. You are experiencing it. Also cinematic. I am experiencing it too. Perhaps because I ride.

Berm? A stream. Reach for the dictionary. No the bank. This is some of the most evocative writing I’ve seen. A lot of it , yes. But I’m not thinking ‘overwritten’.

The cheek of the two word sentences and the non-sentences. Stunning. You are feeling this rather than writing it..

Dialogue. Truncated, half sentences just as we speak. I suspect you become quite emotional when you put this down on the word processor. It’s coming from the heart.

Nothing formal here. This is loose and flying. Out. You know about radio too. I’m impressed. The dialogue drives this well.

Wow, what do I say? A fresh approach to writing. You plunge the reader into the story. There may be a little too much writing, but I was engaged.

Without a doubt, Katharsis is on my bookshelf.

Not much of a critique from me because I was enchanted.

Have fun with your writing. I struggle, but after about three re-writes I seem to get it going.


Kind regards,



Pierre.

The Little Girl in the Fig Tree

I am really impressed and enjoying this. The repetition of Man , man man and 3 keys , 4 keys,, dogs, they got dogs didnt annoy me a bit but did get me into the whole thing very well.

Your writing is excellent, very eloquent,,error free, and nice readable font to.

Im shelving you after reading chapt 1 its that good and I would certainly buy this book if I saw it on the counter. TY Marco Cota

Just reading the pitch gave me the feeling that I would enjoy your writing; when I got to the 'book' itself, my hunch was pleasantly confirmed. I'm not going to gush hyperboles (because that's what I do when I find something awesome [in the classic sense of that adjective] - I'm just going to shelve it - and return to it as often as I can to keep reading it. Further comments to follow.

PS You might like aspects of my "The Bizarre and Violent World of Stamp Collecting" - (not my usual sign-off on comments - but I do like people whose writing I respect having a look at it - so, if you can find the time, thanks.)

Hello Robert.
I've just spent a happy half hour , hopelessly lost in your priceless prose!
Normally I read the start and finish and skim read the rest.
It didn't work with Katharsis. I got more and more confused

Suggestions.

If I were you'd make it more reader friendly. At least lay down
clearly the main lines of the story and let all the rest happen.
This could be a literary masterpiece but I imagine lazy readers like me
won't tolerate getting lost so often..
So I'm thinking..either you paste a normal story on your art,
or you go for another section of readers.I believe this kind of writing has a
big tradition over there,
I'm thinking more of William Burroughs than Koestler!

Very impressive descriptions by the way, but you know that.

Best of luck with it...................Cheers............................Mike

I didn't read the short sell, so I came into the story cold. Absolutely gripping. Some of the descriptive work is genius. I loved 'Bouncing around like a marble fired into the Taj Mahal'. On my shelf to continue reading. Patrick Barrett (Shakespeares Cuthbert)

We begin this novel with a purple passage. Normally I'm against poetry at the beginning of a novel unless it expresses the author's deepest intentions in writing his/ her novel in the first place. I think your does. Moreover, it's well written. The best poetry, like the best prose, doesn't waste a word.

We move on to chapter 1 and the dialogue's electric as well as the description. in short, Robert Tyler can really write. There's very much something of Apocalypse Now in your Pitch (I must be alone in the world in preferring that film to Joseph Conrad's book): a Utopia at the end of a tunnel of Hell.

I'm going to bookshelf this for sure.

Incidentally, while I'm here, can I persuade you to have a look at Joe Capello's Beyond the Pale? I don't have any particular axe to grind for Joe, but I reviewed his novel a few weeks ago and I'm sure you two would enjoy a read swap.

Best wishes,
Bren Verrill.

I don't think I've ever read anything quite like this. Talk about unique. You bring the swamp to life and I've been in more than my fair share of 'em. i can even smell that mud. Now Forward and his aliens... what a great creation he is. And ou also have a great way of coming up with memorable phrases that sneak up on you and make you choke laughing. 'There's no you in Penis... The tunnel as a Trojan worm.... t'riffic stuff.

Hey Robert,
Love the title of your book. This is a good read, you have a strong narrative voice and I found the dialogue particularly convincing. You set the scene well, attention to the smaller details without bogging us down with descriptions. This is pacy, it is well written and almost poetic at times. I will try to read more, but in the meanwhile, this is on my shelf!
Bests,
AnnabelleP
(Adelaide Short)

Robert,

I read your three chapters and you got yourself a real story here man; good stuff, real dialogue, characters and great chapter endings. Not many writers shift between 1st and 3rd person but you do it well and I like the setting, the time and the story and BTW I agree 100% with your thinking about the reviews being anonymous and reviewers being unconflicted --- so brother, now just put my books on the editor's desk and point me towards some more good books---like Katharsis, which I put on my shelf,---in my genre and I'll be in Fat City.

Peace,

Keith G.

Hi Robert.

Your descriptions are rich with textures and visual. You create sharp twists within a few sentences. For instance, when you state Forward had fallen in love two times. Once with a girl and then a woman, the woman tonight, they are the same person but now she is dead. Your story takes off like a rocket with the chase in the woods. You give Forward plenty of challenges in your action. Great work.

On my shelf. Good luck

Janet Marie - Spirit Prisoners.

Robert,
You have a talent for creative description and interesting phrases. The manuscript smacks of almost poetic prose even when describing things that are ugly or disgusting. I like your style. I did have a bit of trouble with the present tense (but then again i always do) There's nothing wrong with it, it just made it hard for me to read. Good action and tension.
I'll shelve you for now.
Thanks for the read.
Stauna

Hi Robert

Thanks for your comments on The Jin Deception.

I love the exchanges between Herb and Arnold. This shows some real tallent however here are some things to think about:
Big picture: * Chapter 1 too long or maybe my attention span isn't long enough!
* Felt a bit over engineered at the start. Possibly trying to be too clever with lots of similies like Sputnik debris, Trojan Worm, Big Ben... Very good but just too many.
* There's a mix of first and third person. We're in Forward's head a lot, but then switch to 3rd person. My vote would make it 1st person.
* Present tense gives it immediacy, but I felt it would be better in the past.
* I didn't like the last sentence of the 1st para.
So... all very personal. If you believe in how you're telling it, then stick with it. These are just my opinions.
Some little things to correct/consider:
* change "...grew up. Into a woman." into "...grew up - into the woman."
* what's a barney. Should it be Barney?
* typo: "...Harley get(s) lost in it all."
* poor English (but what do I know?!): "suddenly off (of) him."
* para 8 in the sentence with "he and hog" in, what or who is hog?

I hope that's useful. There's no point in everyone saying what a great job you've done - and anyway there's always a pinch of salt you can take with this negative stuff!

Best wishes

Murray

Murray,

Thanks for the feedback on Katharsis. No apologies needed for being blunt; these are the eyes where we should find out. Your comments are very helpful in refining the crime plot side, though I use this side more as a tree for hanging symbolic ornaments. I doubt Katharsis can ever look quite right as a crime/thriller, but I'd like to absorb some of the momentum of that genre, and I appreciate any help in that direction.

Cheers,
Rob

Here’s the thing: I really liked this! –the second time I tried to read it. First time I just didn’t get that it was Forward’s pov that was so trippy. I thought it was your writing, and that the whole manuscript would be written that way, and the thought overwhelmed me. Second read around (only got through chapter one for now), I stuck it out and found a well-written, fast-paced story. There are some typos throughout, such as: “something a dwarf clown might right” (sh be ride), and the sentence starting, So there it is, Carol…” missing first parenthesis. Overall, a great start! I’m going to give you a boost with a quick spot on my shelf.

Melissa,

Thanks for the message; it's constructive and addresses the right items. It would be great if there was a reliable way, through some kind of pill or blunt object, of becoming suddenly unfamiliar with our own text such that we could read it fresh. But there isn't and we depend on feedback. Katharsis is an experimental novel that roils symbolism from the overlap of Deep Ecology, Feminism, and Cosmology. I'm interested in treating the limbic aspects of a message that doesn't completely arrive in expository writing. Any midwifing of this delivery is dearly appreciated...as long as you promise to feel no obligation.

Regarding Gossmer Sphere, I found it while searching for two criteria: 1) Good writing; 2) Something I can help with. I've found (1) more often than (2), and because the clear brilliance of even the Harry Potter series misses me my confidence in (2) is more reserved. But the first chapter of Gossamer made me remember that I was the first person to calculate the magnetic fields generated by a tsunami (reprint available). So uninvited and happily, I've been venturing futher into your book :)

Rob

Hi Robert

Thanks for your comments on The Jin Deception.

I love the exchanges between Herb and Arnold. This shows some real tallent however here are some things to think about:
Big picture: * Chapter 1 too long or maybe my attention span isn't long enough!
* Felt a bit over engineered at the start. Possibly trying to be too clever with lots of similies like Sputnik debris, Trojan Worm, Big Ben... Very good but just too many.
* There's a mix of first and third person. We're in Forward's head a lot, but then switch to 3rd person. My vote would make it 1st person.
* Present tense gives it immediacy, but I felt it would be better in the past.
* I didn't like the last sentence of the 1st para.
So... all very personal. If you believe in how you're telling it, then stick with it. These are just my opinions.
Some little things to correct/consider:
* change "...grew up. Into a woman." into "...grew up - into the woman."
* what's a barney. Should it be Barney?
* typo: "...Harley get(s) lost in it all."
* poor English (but what do I know?!): "suddenly off (of) him."
* para 8 in the sentence with "he and hog" in, what or who is hog?

I hope that's useful. There's no point in everyone saying what a great job you've done - and anyway there's always a pinch of salt you can take with this negative stuff!

Best wishes

Murray

Rob, can't wait to read the next chapter. Kim

WOW Rob - feels like an acid trip... totally! LOL
Can't wait to read Chapter two..... it's on my shelf too!

Thanks for the endorsement!...I think it's an endorsement (have to presume that acid trips, or at least the dutiful portrayal of these, are valued). In any case, these quite reasonable explanations for plot psychedelia evaporate in later chapters and artesian sources begin to show.

WOW Rob - feels like an acid trip... totally! LOL
Can't wait to read Chapter two..... it's on my shelf too!

Hi Robert, you've made science fiction literary. never mind the genre this is fantastic writing. from those first few sentences I want to know what happened. the voice and the whole view of the world are very strong, very strange. I 'm putting this for a turn on my shelf. Ali.