A Boy Called George

A tough and touching account of a very special family. A moving read, I would recommend it to anyone. George is a real star and a credit to his loving mum. I really don't know if I could have coped as well.

Good luck!

S

This is extra sweet coming from one of George's teachers! Thank you. Not sure which one you are, but it was nice of you to comment.

The first paragraph, "Take him home and enjoy him", grabbed me by the neck and slapped me. That's talent.

This is a work of art. They say that a story that can go on for so long without quotation marks should be reconsidered, but here you present the reader with an inner watercolor that defies constant dialogue. The dialogue seems to be mostly from the protagonist to the reader, and you didn't even really break the fourth wall. This is First Person Writing at its finest, folks.

It started to feel a little unhinged, mentally, but then even that felt justified to me: I felt like I was right there with the new mother. I felt the panic and the despair and perhaps the creeping joy and triumph, and that's what real writing is about. REAL, quantifiable, tangible telepathy. Maybe if I were in the same predicament, I might come apart at the seams a bit too.

I can't find a single damn thing in this I'd change. The style is impeccable. No doubt an editor would eat you alive as they do anybody, but as for me, I'm overwhelmed.

Person in Charge, if you're listening, give this one a serious read.

Hi, there Little Devil – I will probably just say nice things about your book, so I’ll let The Hag do all the work.

I think you need more of a break, and perhaps even a date header, after “Where did I go wrong.”

“…coke bottles were being sipped…” There’s no compelling reason for the passivity here. “While my classmates sipped…” would be much stronger.

“Calm down, Claire,” she said…” You have ‘she’ capitalized and it should be lc.

You use lots of slang and language that is unfamiliar to me (as an American), but in a good way. It gives strength to your voice.

I know you’re recounting facts here, but the introduction of Margaret heightened my concern for wee George considerably. If this were fiction, I’d say, “Well done!”

“The nurses were busy on the ward that night…” You need a period after night and then need to start the next sentence with a capital.

“The street door slammed..” “little brother stomping…” Stomping should be stomped so that it’s parallel with the word slammed.

“..at the same time as my heart…” Take out that ‘as.’

“Take him to Blackheath—Play football with him.” No capital needed in the word play.

Top of ch. 7: “George being the way he was, seemed…” You should add a comma after George. Or take out the one after was. But not both.

“He said, ‘what you gonna do…” What should be capitalized.

“After three days in the hospital, I had my little brother back.” This is a dangling modifier. Your brother is the one in the hospital, so the noun or pronoun after the comma should be ‘my little brother.’ So you could say, “After three days in the hospital, my little brother came back.” “After three long days, I had my little brother back from the hospital.” Also works.

Should we capitalize lord muck? He sounds important.

Top of chapter 9…”Claire,” Ronnie yelled. You’ve got a capital on Yelled that should be a lc.

Uncle Mick gives one of HIS bone crushing hugs. Not he’s.

(You realize some of those outdoor weddings are officiated by members of the clergy, right?)

OK, I’ve sent The Grammar Hag packing. I love the way you portray your loving and funny family, especially the youngest boy. But I imagine many readers will, like me, feel that the greatest tragedy here is not George’s cerebral palsy but the fact that you face so much alone. I read to the end of Chapter 10 and really wanted to see the dad more involved. It makes me very sad that he doesn’t appear more. On the other hand, your parents and siblings are a true joy.

~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

I like your story. It's very good and holds the reader's attention. You can't help yourself, but to keep reading.
I see that it went to the editor's desk. I don't know where to go to get their take on it. Could you direct me to the right page? Thanks, and good luck on getting this published!

Sincerely, D. S. Hale

Hi Sue,
I've just read the next few chapters of A Boy Called George, and you've had me in tears now. I feel like I'm getting to know George, you, Ronnie and Carly. It's funny, I'd always struggled a bit with DLA - some parents seem desperate to get as much as they can, others seem strangely ambivalent - I think you've captured so well what the dilemma is - it's an acknowledgement that something is wrong. If you ever do get this published, let me know - its the sort of book paediatricians ought to read so they can get some insight into what's going on beyond the hospital ward or clinic room.
A couple of suggestions: 'How it all began' isn't the best title for chapter one - you need something more gripping and unique. How about using your first line as the chapter title?
I think you ought to introduce Ronnie and Carly a little earlier and together, so readers get to know the family structure. With both, when you introduced them, it took me a while to adjust to who you were talking about. I've been thinking the same for my book, where Joe's sister Esther doesn't appear until half way through.
Your last sentence in chapter 8 - I just wish they weren't taking him to Guys, is a bit ambiguous and probably the wrong tense.

I don't know if you come onto it later, but I wonder whether it's worth, at some point, reflecting back on the pregnancy? What's it like being a pregnant teenager? What were others' reactions? What were your feelings about the pregancy at the time, and looking back after George had his diagnosis?
Peter

I know you're not looking for comments on this, but I was about to read the other one up when I came across the blurb for this and found myself reading a few chapters. What an emotional topic and I think you handle well what I read. I just read the Hapers review after, well done and good luck this.

When my son was three days old, I went through basically the same thing. And I was also a teenage mom. That's still a part of my life (his first year) that I just can't write about. Just trying to enjoy him, but those ever present dirty words Cerebral Palsy always blurring the edges of happy moments. My other babies, I never rushed. I never wanted them to get bigger just stay little. But him, it was always like "hurry up and crawl" "hurry up and sit" "hurry up and walk" "prove them wrong." I found reading your story so deeply moving and also healing. You took the words out of my mouth.

Dear Sue
just loved this. I see I am a little late, but who cares. this is an amazing book
I wont say anything else as I see it has all been said

Denise
The Letter

Dear Sue, I just read & backed your other book, now am backing this one. :) I had no idea what Ceberal Palsy was, either, so your book was most informative. :) Thank you. :) Maybe you could write another book to show how George is doing, now. :) And Junior? :) I wrote my story, too, & hope you'll back it. :) Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

yup that kids name is definitely george..... but seriously this booooooooook rocks!!!!!

So I've finally finished reading A Boy Called George. This story is really good, insightful and interesting. Will there be more?


There are a few minor grammatical mistakes, I hope you don't mind me pointing them out:

General:
Though whitespace is good for the eyes, you have too much. It's difficult to define between new lines (e.g. for dialogue) or new paragraphs.

CH 5:
I snapped, getting my point across - I thought the tag after said was unnecessary and could be cut.

CH 6:
George, kick (i)t

in-case you have grounds to sue - 2 words, no hyphen
little brother(')s arms

CH 8:
little (m)an
Waltons' - transpose apostrophe
'Goodnight love yous(')
asked, purposely changing the subject - again, I think this extra bit after asked is unneccessary as it's obvious by her question that she's changing the subject. Maybe you could start another sentence saying 'I didn't want to talk about it anymore.' if you really need to but I don't think you do.

CH 9:
Sorry (d)ear

JASmith

A touching read. I felt some tiny parallels with my own read. I'll make sure I read plenty more of it asap.
Backed.
Sean
Spirits and Demons

A tough and touching account of a very special family. A moving read, I would recommend it to anyone. George is a real star and a credit to his loving mum. I really don't know if I could have coped as well.

Good luck!

S

This is extra sweet coming from one of George's teachers! Thank you. Not sure which one you are, but it was nice of you to comment.

A tough and touching account of a very special family. A moving read, I would recommend it to anyone. George is a real star and a credit to his loving mum. I really don't know if I could have coped as well.

Good luck!

S

Ch 5.
This is a really enjoyable read and one that I can kind of relate to, given that I have Cerebral Palsy. There's a sweet innocence about Claire that I really like.

One line that I really like is this one:
It's okay, it's not catching.

- I found this funny, but true. So many people have this misconception.

Some things to Consider:

White space is good for the eyes but at times, it seems as though you have too much, particularly between new lines of dialogue.

There are also a few punctuation errors every now and then but nothing that can't be fixed without a quick edit.

Apart from that, it's good.

JASmith

I liked the narrator's voice from the beginning and even her harsh words seemed out of jealousy. I suppose the plot as is, will deal with George's and the narrator's growing up and I think the episodic way you reveal the development of George works well. Look forward to the rest. BACKED

All the Best GP Morgan (Barrio Chino)

Sue what can i say? I think this is a very intense real life account. There can't be any crits because it is real. Read all you posted and it was gentle to get into the story and characters. The dialougue is very realistic love Ronnie. And I can even picture Grandad. Not a story i would normally have read but am glad I did. Thanks for asking me to read your book.

Diane

Sue what can i say? I think this is a very intense real life account. There can't be any crits because it is real. Read all you posted and it was gentle to get into the story and characters. The dialougue is very realistic love Ronnie. And I can even picture Grandad. Not a story i would normally have read but am glad I did. Thanks for asking me to read your book.

Diane

Sue what can i say? I think this is a very intense real life account. There can't be any crits because it is real. Read all you posted and it was gentle to get into the story and characters. The dialougue is very realistic love Ronnie. And I can even picture Grandad. Not a story i would normally have read but am glad I did. Thanks for asking me to read your book.

Diane

Hello Sue, I backed your book awhile back and I think since then it has been reviewed by HC, just wondered if other readers here get to see that review? (and if so how you find it?)

Cheers
Luk

When I read the pitch I was immediately drawn in. It's brillant. It drives me in because the baby is disabled and the heart if the story is sweet. You have my attention! Best of luck with it- but you don't need luck, it'll do just fine.

BACKED

Mandi Gordon
Broken

This is a beautifully written story, so full of love and oathos, so moving, I'm sure it will be a big hit. Thank you so much for sharing this with us and all the best in your writing career.

Hugs,
Kitty

My little sister just had her first baby and even though he came out healthy, I couldn't help but think of him when I read the story. It's a very good read...good luck on getting it published hun.

First off, congratulations on reaching the ED. That's an accomplishment for sure.
For the type of story this is, I was surprised not to be drawn to is. Normally stories about the growth and development of disabled people snag my interest. I've thought about it and I think it may be the detached way the narrator (mother) talks about the situation. In this case we're getting more of the story and less of the personal growth of both mother and child. I also found some of it difficult to follow. I think this may be because it jumps forward in huge leaps without, in most cases, a transitory paragraph or sentence. Despite what I say, however, I do believe this story has the potential to be absolutely beautiful. If we were able to see more of the caring and compassion that the mother obviously feels for her child, rather than just glimpses here and there, I think it would be much improved. Good luck with this!
Julianne (The Consequence of Love)

A great piece of work- particularly interesting for me, as I'm quadroplegic. A tough one to tackle, but you manage it without Hallmark channel sugaryness ( believe me, there's a lot of it about) and write with understated aplomb and grace. Good on you!

This is a powerful story written in a way the reader can almost share Claire's pain. No parent should have to go through what she experienced, regardless of her age. Already backed but wanted to leave you with the thoughts of a parent who experienced a similar experience many years ago. My story has a happy ending.

Congrats! I commented and backed! Best, Beryl

No offence, but this book actually sucks. It's like an infant wrote it. My advice is to throw it away and stick to your day job.

Congratulations on your HarperCollins review.

Congrats, Sue! Glad you got your golden star - hope your reviewer does you justice.
Rachel

You touched my soul with this one sweetheart.

Tearful.

congratulations and good luck

chris

Congratulations about getting to the top of the editor's desk! Best of luck!

--Jake

Congratulations for making it through to the ED. Hope you get positive feedback.

Yay!!! I just saw the news where your book was selected for review by Harper Collins! Congratulations, Sue!!!

I haven't been so happy for years.

Charles

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!

Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

I told you we'd keep you there!!

Congrats!!!

Lorrii

I am so enthralled by this story and by your writing.I found myself reading as fast as I could so I could find out what happens next. This is excellent.Thank you. It is so difficult to admit even to ourselves our fears, our misgivings and even those uncharitable thoughts. But we all have them. It is our actions that count. Backed with respect.

I don't do many comments, there are people better able to express themselves over other people's books. I made an exception for this extraordinary book. Powerful, raw and intimate, this is the most life-affirming book on the site and deserves to be out there on the bookshelves to inspire all families with special children. It should be available to secondary schools too, to teach the next generation the true meaning of love, fear and joy and the remarkable resiliance of the human spirit

All I can say is I'm sorry I didn't get to this sooner. You are quite good at making the reader feel what is going on and I can see why you're on the desk. Belated backing.

Anguished love, urgency and unacknowledged despair grab the reader on page one. Who can resist such an emotional appeal? Backed with awe.

Iva P.
Fame and Infamy

Heartfelt story full of emotion. This is an amazing work. Backed!
Rosalind Barden
American Witch

What a heart-wrenching tale. Not because of the "disabled" child, but because of the heartless, selfish mother. I forced myself to read all 9 chapters in the hopes that this would be a tale of how she changed into a loving parent, giving up her superficial judgment and embracing a hardworking, differently-abled child. My heart is thumping in disgust and I have had to pause several times to express my disbelief to my husband.

The story is told from the perspective of the mother and her distain of her child. Over the course of years, she cannot budge from her "poor me" attitude. So what if the boy develops much more slowly than other children? He starts to crawl at 1 year 5 months. You should be rejoycing! He kicks a ball.... he smiles and expresses happiness. He takes two steps before his fourth birthday. When are you going to love him? He has special needs, but is not a freak. There is such a distance in the writing - maybe you should change the title to Some Boy Called George: The Neighbor's Kid. The mother is bigoted against people in wheelchairs. I am appalled.

The mother recalls taking care of her younger brother as "like having my own real-life dolly." What an unfortunate choice of words; children are NOT like dollies or pets. Perhaps if George was "normal" but fat and ugly, this book would have still been written, with the same angst splattered across these pages. At the end of chapter 7, the author should have added in all honesty: "Having George was a mistake." Instead, she blames the purchase of a PRAM. I am still reeling. If it wasn't the pram, it must have been the way the hospital delivered him. Those documents are missing; it MUST be a cover-up. Do you realize how many parents resent their children and how many parents wish they could have children? I think raising children is a privilege, whether they are conceived accidentally or on purpose. The only redeeming part of this book is that a three-year-old boy has enough love for George to help him develop. Ronnie demonstrates his own selflessness at a young age (instead of wanting toys for himself, he wants to buy a football for George) as the mother wallows in her own self-pity. Give me a break.

Bravo and the best of luck,

Jesse - Savant

I felt the anger, the pain, the fear and the denial. My business slogan has always been "I paint pictures with words." In comparrison, you paint masterpieces. Excellent! Backed
G A Clark
Show Low

I've just BACKED your book. This is a very interesting, beautifully written and poignant story. I highly and wholeheartedly recommend it. When it is in print I will buy a copy just as soon as I see it - even if I have to use the grocery money! This not only belongs on my virtual Authonomy shelf, but on our read shelf in the living room! I look forward to reading the rest when it's finished, and I wish you all the very best!
Cheers,
Judy
The Existence Game

And the tears keep going. The mothers who read this will understand exactly what you meant by "for fuck sake, shut up, the lot of ya." It's simple -- tell me he won't die. If he still has breath in his body, I have a chance... I can fight for him. I understand that.

I made up songs for Ben. "Benjamin Bear, born with no hair, now he has lots." I'm in tears. No fair on a Sunday morning! Don't worry about the chapter swaps, I'll read this one because I know what it is like to have a son who needs a little bit of help in this world.

It's stark and honest and the protectiveness and brashness of the mother is evident and it propels me to want to know who she is. What happened? And it also makes me want to shake the shakers of babies. Maybe if I shake hard enough their story will appear and release them from the cycle.

Backed. You made me cry, darn it. I don't like to cry, but I love to feel something over a book. My hat is tipped to you.

I felt empathy for both the child and the mother in the first chapter. It's nicely done. You feel mom's affection and concern, and even in just those few words I felt touched by the scene. That's hard do to do as a writer. The "Take him home and enjoy him" repetition had a nice effect as well--like a ticking clock. Very good.

Take care,

Mike

Thanks so much for the read. Engrossing and emotional. Nicely done. I think the drama could be ramped up a tad, but overall the mystery and worry for George were very effective through the three chapters I read. I like that this story starts with crisis and hugs it so closely that your readers care. Good job with dialog. I did think you could have added some dimension to the family while still maintaining the fast pace, though. 'Hope the meanderings are of some help. Shelved. Best always, Tim Greaton