Book Jacket

 

rank 3056
word count 20262
date submitted 05.01.2009
date updated 18.06.2009
genres: Romance, Fantasy, Popular Culture, ...
classification: moderate
complete

The Hero Next Door

Don A. Martinez

Can superheroics and romance coexist when two heroes live next door to each other unawares?

 

Waterlink City: home of gang violence and corruption.

It is also home to the Roadmaster, the city's resident vigilante hero. Using a bizarre ability to talk to cars, he fights the gangs by night and fixes cars by day as mechanic Pablo Jimenez. Every motivation comes from the memory of his dead fiance, Elaine.

His world is turned upside down, though, by the appearance of Cynthia Yeager, his new next-door-neighbor with a secret identity of her own. As Mighty Mallard, she patrols the wetlands around the city, protecting its ducks from those who would cause them harm, legally or otherwise.

The two have chemistry as neighbors. They might be able to get along as crimefighters.

When the gangs intrude on Mighty Mallard, though, they will have to work together to stop an insidious plan to end the gangs which leaves much of the city in the crossfire ... and whose mastermind holds a particular connection to Pablo.

Complete in two acts, this stage play combines humor, action and spectacular effects to turn the superhero genre on its ear.

 
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tags

cars, drama, duck, gangs, parody, super powers, superhero

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8 comments

 

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MelissaDeLaCruz wrote 254 days ago

This was a fun and light read. I enjoyed it mucho mas! It is on my shelf.
Melissa

Baby Stig wrote 281 days ago

This is a really funny idea, well written and presented. Well done ... B Stig

The Mystery of Esmirrena wrote 538 days ago

Yet again, some quality play! And funny! What original and unusual superpowers!

All the best to make it successfully!

Cheers, J

LearnMeGood wrote 869 days ago

Hey Don,

Pretty funny concept! I have always loved superhero stories, and your is just plain wacky!

John Pearson
Learn Me Good

JANVIER wrote 1005 days ago

Hello Don,

Readers irrespective of the genre they are ardent about will always a well-crafted story enjoyable, irrespective of its genre. Yours is. It is deep and moving with details that are plentiful. The story flows smoothly and the right choice of words, well-crafted lines made it a compelling read. Overall, this is a story to return to. Rightly shelved.

Nevertheless, as you polish, tighten up and revise this story, heed the commonly given advice against over-writing, over use of adverbs and for disengaging yourself from the story telling as much as possible.

All the best.

Janvier (Flash of the Sun)

Team 2012 wrote 1071 days ago

LOL. This is pretty wacko. I love the various feather powers, like a video game of RPG. Fits the contemporary "superheroes with warts" subgenre of Watchmen, Incredibles and Hancock.
The Mighty Mallard. Very.... well, squinky.
This is much more enjoyable, personally, than the Ops/CIA stuff, but that's just personal tastes. (From a bunch of professional clowns.) Other than being fun to write, what goals could this thing have? It's hard to imagine it on stage, and it might be too "small screen" for a feature picture. A YouTube series? Doable, perhaps. There is probably a cult following out there wating to be coallesced. If The Tick could be a cult idol, the Roadmaster should.
NOT that there's anything wrong with "for fun". We all got a kick out of it.

Alana Roberts wrote 1208 days ago

Well, I've finished it. There were a few LOL moments. It's very well written. I don't know much about writing plays but I read somewhere that actors don't like the playwright telling them how to do their job: i.e. giving instructions for tone of voice or facial expressions. The stage directions and dialogue need to give all the meaning, and it's the actor's job to express that meaning through body language.

In chapter 7 and elsewhere I liked Roadmaster entering by being flung off the hood of a car. Nothing serious about it of course, but it's good comedy. When Angela says " can't we come up with something better" that's actually a reflection on you. In other words the reader or audience will think, yeah, couldn't the playwright come up with something better? I don't find crotch humor funny and I think a lot of people are tired of it.

In chapter 14 we see the beginning of something that continues to be a problem to the end of the play. Angela says " I guess I deserved it." Her reconciliation with her sister and later the dispersal of the gangs are all more examples. In short the conversion of these people is too easy and too shallow. I know your point is that it's wrong to say that some people are in the good classification and some are in the evil classification. All of us have the same nature and all of us are capable of turning from our created goodness to vile perverted acts. Mercy and forgiveness can salvage sinners while mere punishment does not have that capability. However there are two problems with the way you present these ideas. First, they are often presented too much as ideas rather than being fleshed out more. Second, I understand that this is bascially a light comedic play. However you can't introduce such subjects and ideas without giving them a deeper treatment. In other words there needs to be more recognition that people who have found it possible to committ such acts as these gangsters have are deeply damaged people. Think about it: you've made the duck hunters more damaged people than the murderers of human beings! You've got some pathos here, deepen it some and it will round your play out and make you a more honest writer in the meantime.

In chapter 15, who is "incensed?" Cynthia or Virgil?

I like it that Cynthia figures out who the Roadmaster is before being told. It just about makes up for the fact that she's little more than a duckherd.

Finally, when Mighty Mallard carries Roadmaster out of the building, holding him under the armpits, I think you need to recognize that this is inherently humorous. If it's treated seriously it becomes embarrassing.

Well, I enjoyed this enough to finish it and I think it's well written and has potential. Cheers!

Alana Roberts wrote 1208 days ago

In a lesser bit of writing, he'd have hummed an old love tune that he and Elaine had once shared. Putting a ridiculous jingle in its place is brilliant. It's what makes me think you've got something here.

I think you may have missed a few opportunities for sight gags that would seem to fit the mood of the play. For instance, if, while Cynthia is out front protectively sheilding her feathers from Pablo's gaze, he's doing something superheroish behind her back while wrestling with the sofa, it would make her comment about his obvliviousness far more funny. Also, if her statement about "a lot of love shared within these walls" were slightly more pointed, making it fit perfectly with the blue blotch, then you've got great comedy. Maybe that's what you meant anyway, but if so it just doesn't come through sharply enough.

I love the offbeat, gently melodramatic feeling of this play. It's hard to sympathize with someone who lives to protect ducks, though. I mean, compared to a guy who's avenging his dead love and trying to save the city they'd loved...come on give the girls a little credit. I didn't even understand what she said about her relationship with the ducks from whom she recevied the feathers.

The good news is that you don't have any of these problems with Pablo. His initial character, problem, and background motiviation is clearly portrayed. And now I am going to read the next fourteen chapters. Hopefully it ends as well as it began.

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