To Catch a Thief

Hi Pamela, I liked how the scenes and action are presented in a matter-of-fact way and with firm detail. Then the character dialogue comes out with emotion while it's clever - making the interaction have predominance. It works for this business -oriented plot while Adriana's relationships are keen and refreshing. She is feisty and makes an alluring protagonist with her cover. I enjoyed this. Easily shelved - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Dear Pamela


I would like to commend you on the skill you have and the imagination and the talent in writing this work of art
of yours. I wish I had half of your talent. Where does one get such original work like this, such a gift. I feel sure you
feel like me that it is your baby and you so want to see it succeed. I do wish you all the best in rising and also
getting this book of your published. ( I wish I had half the talent some of you have on this site)

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also

The VERY best of luck to you

Denise
The Letter

this book has been published by Arts council England i.e. www.youwriteon.com and is available either through Amazon or from author at £6.99 plus £1 postage.
I would add I hope that I ironed out all the wrinkles before it was printed. But thanks for comments which have been very helpful.
Readers have reported enjoying the novel.
Intimate Enemies is my latest book and I'm trying a lit. agent an e publisher and this site hoping to attract attention. Thanks to everyone who helped me. Pamela

Dear Isabella (or is it Pamela?), Well, here I am to back your 2nd book. :) What a wonderful story this is. :) Your heroine is delightful & knows how to get what she wants. :) I admire her. :) Your pitch sucked me in as did your tight paragrapshs & dialogue for a quick fun read. :) I'm off the your 3rd book, now. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. Could you please take a moment to back my 2 memoir books? :) I would be ever so grateful. :)

To Catch a Thief:
First of all I suggest you need to have another look at your short and long pitches - the 'shop window' to attract people to read your work. The short pitch seems a long stretch from a routine bedroom drama to a billion dollar theft - are they connected? The long pitch has syntax problems [disillusioned with love - to get right away...; travel to Canada, tour the...], England needs a capital letter, 'its' needs an apostrophe and perhaps you mean 'red light' rather than 'gas light' district, which presumably is of some city and not of Canada as a whole. These may be minor editing issues, but are important distractions that will put potential readers off before turning a page. Fortunately they are easily fixed.
Since the book seems to be published already [Legend Press] I only took a quick look at C1. Here I felt editorial polishing was still required in a number of places to iron out contradictions such as Adriana lashing out wildly with her stiletto but at the same time taking careful aim, somewhat unrealistic dialogue such as Nico's 'there's no need to un-man me' after he's taken a direct hit on his wedding tackle, amongst other things. I hope these comments help and I wish you well.

Hi Pamela,

I read your first chapter.

You've written an engaging intrigue wrapped in a romance.

Your opening scene was intense and VERY entertaining.

Your characterizations of Adriana and Matt are thorough. Both are smart and adventuresome and attractive. I like them and look forward to their relationship growing as they solve the mystery of the missing millions.

Your descriptions are vivid. For example, 'Buck naked - Nico was passionately thrashing around on her now crumpled purple sheets athletically demonstrating his sexual prowess to her best friend Lucille.'

Your dialogue seems natural. You need to fix some dialogue punctuation lapses (see below).

Your pacing worked for me.

Some suggested edits.

"We never meant for you to find out." moaned Lucille. Comma after 'out.' Same thing with "Please don't tell my husband." Lucille pleaded. (comma after 'husband.') There are more cases of this type of problem in your first chapter.

But relocating to Seattle in the U.S.A. had been a brilliant move his beauty products were now legendary. This reads like two sentences. If you agree, insert a period after 'move' and capitalize 'his.'

"When I catch the culprit I'll him wish he'd never been born," growled Matt. There seems to be a word missing in this sentence.

"Good thinking Hester," praised Matt. Comma after 'thinking.' When using a name or title in dialogue, offset it with commas.

Hestor delved into a list of telephone contacts and quickly dialed Brace's number. 'Brace's' should be 'Bruce's.'

Hestor smiled "Adriana's photograph will do wonders for our beauty products." Period after 'smiled.'

"He's the answer to every woman's dream why hasn't he been snapped up" she worried. The dialogue seems to be two sentences. If you agree, insert period after 'dream,' capitalize 'why' and question mark after 'up.'

"Don't go overboard with the welcome. Adriana hissed. Close quote mark after 'welcome.'

"You're wishes are my command." 'You're' should be 'your.'

Matt shrugged his broad shoulders. I'll follow your lead." Open qoute mark before 'I'll.'

I'm backing your book to start it up the charts.

Al

PS: Might I ask you to read and review SAVANNAH PASSION?

This book is published by Arts Council www.youwriteon.com/legend press available from author or any good bookshop isbn 9781849230063. Donates to Sightsavers to pay for eye operations to prevent people going blind.
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