Marcus Trefoil and the Tea-Cosy of Doom

It's not just the UK. There is a little old lady in a tea cosy hat in Cork who rides the bus with garden shears sticking out of her shopping cart whispering to herself. I once got close enough to hear what she was saying (brave, I know) and it was all about toast. Do you think that could be the missing link? I also once saw someone neglect to offer her their seat. I still have nightmares.

I just snorted my morning coffee all over my lap top again.... hysterical fits of stomach muscle convulsing laughter are incompatible with the consumption of beverages and the reading of Tea Cosies...... hehehehehe...

Quite simply: Brilliant.

Abu,
You are to be blamed if I don't finish a chapter of Munro today - having just been distracted by Marcus - Oxford and St. A. what better combination. There was I thinking about Pepitas as I read about the queue in ch 1 and then there it is.
I could make serious comments about consistency of voice, clever plot etc etc, but I won't - because I've spent enough time not writing already, off to shuffle my shelf. (But if you don't finish this and soon, I'm likely to track you down and kill you!) And for anyone still with little people in the house - this is the guy you want to come and tell them stories.

Margaret

Abu/Ben...

It seems strange to call you Ben. This is an eloquent masterpiece. Someone who had not seen your well spoken posts might have thought when you said "I am going to write a book" that they were in for a cheeseburger and fries. But I knew otherwise and was still pleasantly surprised. You have delivered a delightful feast, a multicourse banquet that is amazing in its detail, humour and charm. The rhythm of your sentences, they style, the wit.......If I were standing in a bookstore reading this book and laughing and someone tried to wrest it away from me, I fear I would lash out, just as your little old lady had done!

Well done. A sitting ovation sir! (only because I'm typing at the moment)

Hi there,

could you help me with my Psychiatrc Evaluation or I will go nuts!!!

RB

BACKED

I get very little from comments about my own book, nowadays. Some people like it, some don't. Some people are too frightened to leave genuine feedback, while others seek to enforce their own style upon me. I want to get to the Ed's Desk to get professional comment. I would rather spend 30 quid than do all this reading and backing. I have got everything I want out of Authonomy community already. So I am backing your book so that you can reach the Ed's desk and get professional feedback, instead of the platitudes and devious backings that account for 80% of backing you receive. Only 20% of comments are genuine, and will add value to your work.

Now, who am I not to back you? I am not godlike. Your work might be flatly written, unoriginal or even down right bad. It could be wonderful. But in my experience, only you can be honest with yourself about your writing... and that is what matters.

So, I am backing you so you can reach the Ed's desk.


There you are.

BACKED
Hope you reciprocate.

Hullo Ben. I received a message from you that will not open. this is happening to many of us. However, I have peeked into yours and all that I have got to say is that there are post grad females with red hair too. and an American at that. You never know about those 'old ladies'. Back-to-back. Don't forget to read about the 'Marcus' in my book
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort

"When dinasours roamed the earth and i was a student" it sounds like something my teachers say.:D
Nice read.
I see that you are familiar with arabic.

AR Latif
Desert Sun

I just thought that this was thoroughly lovely.

Shelved,

Adelie High (Naming Names)

Marcus Trefoil and the Tea-Cosy of Doom

Ben, I love the way the father reads to his daughter, and carries on a conversation with her even though we don’t hear what she’s saying. This reminds me of when I read to my six-year-old grandaughter. :o)

But I wasn’t too keen about the way the father asks the reader to oblige him, etc., as it pulled me right out of the story. It’s likely just me as I haven’t read any of the comments, yet, so I don't know if anyone else has mentioned it. If you ever consider changing this (but I doubt if you want to) it would be easy to do.

…I don’t think she can have been… could have been? can have been sounds odd to my ears.

…I started to glimpse… glimpsed?

…you know that feeling when you’ve been thinking about a particular kind of biscuit all day lone… Yea, for me it’s Kimberley bickies but you can’t buy them in Canada. :o(

Mmmm …but we can buy but chocolate digestives!

Will stop nit-picking here and continue reading for the sheer enjoyment of it.

Backed

Cáit ~ Muckers ~

This is spectacular.

This is a funny one for me - you write well, you have a nice 'voice' but I think you are at risk of overdoing it. I'll explain...

I enjoyed it, but I became a bit irritated by the constant commenting and asides and talking to "you". It wasn't until I was some way in that I realised the narrator was talking to his child. Hence, I would begin the story with "Pay attention my child, this is important" which would alow us to know that the asides are all to his son. Even so, I would cut it back. To have so many asides made think: come on, get on with it. It was, and please don't take offence, a bit too pleased with itself.

The first point I thought this was the stale crust gag. It was a touch laboured. For me, this would work better if you went directly from "but it probably wasn't" to "The stale crust (or whatever)". This would keep the voice, it would be amusing, we would have the sense that this happened, but might not have done, and nothing is too reliable. The note to self however is just, and personal taste of course, laboured.

The rest of the para is again a touch laboured. For me, if you just said "the length of time from the street to the top of the stairs was the same as the dead parrot sketch" or something like that you would automatically knew he was reciting it, so when you say, how you ask etc, I was thinking I know, you were reciting it, move on. Also, if you draw less attention to the dead parrot sketch the first time, it will be much funnier the second time you mention it. By going on about the dead parrot sketch the first time, I thought, oh no not again, the second time.


The main thing would be to cut back on the asides and let the story flow. They are nice in the sense that they give the impression that he is talking to his son, and they can be amusing, but be more sparing, be less Ronny Corbett with his meanderings, trust the reader to get the jokes I guess. Also, given that he is talking to his son, some of the things his son appears to be asking seem very old - ie, make it more of a sense that the boy is asking and he is talking to him as an adult (what with him being a poor parent).

I'll move on to chapter 2 later, but at work now.

By the way, take all the above with a huge pinch of salt. These things are subjective, and I tend to be as critical as I can. I don't bother reading anything I don't like on this anymore either, and I enjoyed this, in spite of my carping.

And if you wish to carp back over Shalimar, i'd be delighted.

All the best.

I like this, too.

Backed

kostas
Hariklia's Icons

"(Chapter still incomplete)"

What? Noooo! You can't leave us like this! I want to know what happens at the CCC! I want to know if Ludvivine still looks like eleventy billion dollars as she kisses the one small girl goodnight.

I'm so happy to be living in an area of the world where tea cosies have fallen out of fashion - but I fear the day I walk past a bingo hall and find an elderly lady with this (http://tinyurl.com/l23yn3) perched on her head...

*whimper*

Ben, a backing is not enough!

This is so clever, so witty - SO funny.

I have the same feeling right now that I had when I first sat down to watch
'Being John Malcovich' - expecting one thing and presented with another.
A charming and delightful read, this would put a smile on the face of any
miserable old sod! How do you bloody do it? I find it sad that such a gem has
disappeared into the depths of authonomy nothingness!

This story isn't just knitted, its crocheted! Bravo! Backed.
Melanie

Hello Ben,

I kept this book on my shelf for that long to comment on it after getting a good read. I am glad I did. It is one of the top quality works I have read on this site. Hilarious, witty insightful and plain engaging, you told it in an easy-going voice that made reading so smooth. Excellent.

All the best.

Janvier (Flash of the Sun)

And thanks for the critique.

I cant back anything which didn't harm little old ladies. Kidding. I can back for the humor though.

Oh a man with a good sense of humor and a vivid imagination. The tales you can tell. Easy to read and easy to back. C.P

Hi Ben (Abu), Since you were so nice to offer me lessons on 'tense' earlier, I thought it only right to move your book up my WL a bit. I have just finished reading the first two chapters. I enjoyed it as it is written in a very interesting style. Of course, you know already that it is quite different from the norm, which I'm sure is the point. I will comment on each chapter separately, and then general comments at the end, okay? I am no expert at this but have been told I'm pretty good at it. So lets see what you think....
CHAPTER ONE: I would suggest saying "It beats waiting in silence." only once. The second thing is that I'm confused how a girl can fall off her stilettos (pushed, really) and need help to get up, but the spilt tea only spills on the tray and the sandwich and not on her clothes? Also, I think that 'bruises and lacerations' are a bit of overkill.
CHAPTER TWO: I encourage you to delete the dialogue with your reader. I think you went a bit on and on about your daughter ordering duck. Cute story but doesn't propel this tale forward. I also think the paragraph wherein you explain exactly WHY you want the chocolate digestives is too long. I'm not even sure your reader or your daughter would even care WHY you wanted them. You just wanted them and that is enough.
Although I like this story, I cannot tell if you intend it for adults or children or both. It seems a bit grown-up (with stilettos and Monty Python and college themes) for children but a bit fairytale-esque for adults (or is that also the reason I like it?). I would also like to encourage you to try to work a bit more emotion into it. The style of the story doesn't require much but I would try to add a little more happy in the happy parts and just a bit more fear in the scary parts (when you require protection to deliver the letter, for example). I have decided to back this because it is written in such a unique style which you should be commended for attempting and with just a bit of trimming will work well for this story. Again, thank you sooo much for the lessons on 'tense'. The effort you made to help me is extremely appreciated! Backing this right now........

I hate going to work. The thought of going overwhelms me with dread. And I'm going tomorrow...

...but reading just your first chapter alone helped me escape from the vexations of life. It gave me a good laugh when, otherwise, I would have continued to brood and sulk. Just wanted to tell you this before moving to the next chapter.

Shelved
-June

Ben
This is very good. Your narrative voice has a natural ease. I have two nitpicks though:

* Repressive. Really? That seems such an inappropriate word. Surely assertive would be more appropriate. Maybe i should check to see if the society really exists!

* Hirsute - I know what it means. If you think readers won't know, then don't use it. You risk insulting either way.

Good luck with this, it's on my shelf.
Chris (I Dare You)

If ever there was a book crying out for a unique cover, it's Marcus Trefoil. Have you got one hidden away somewhere?

Hi,
This is a very enjoyable read.
Most of what I wanted to say has been said below already. It is masterful in its characterisation and well crafted.
The voice is very similar to my own when I used to make up bed-time stories for my own children believe it or not.
I was amused all the way through.
Shelved as a work of art!
Best,
Fred

Keen to see what has happened in my... my, er, let's call it an 'oliday.

Totally engaging, flowing, funny...I don't have a single nit. I can see this on more than virtual bookshelves.

One of the most interesting concepts I've read since I joined Authonomy. You simply must be published.

And I've never had kids! Shelved without a qualm.

Cheers,
Sheryl (comment on mine? Backing Optional)

Hi Ben,

This is very well written. The narrative voice felt so authentic that it brought the character to life. I loved the pace; it flowed with ease. It’s original, intelligent and fascinating.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

What a treat to have delved into this over my morning coffee! Has set the pace for a wonderful day - what a talent.

You have a knack for naming that one thing that we all know and that will tell us so much like the Monty Python skit and the green tea cosy! Love it!

Proud to have it on my shelf!

Johanna
Scream Out Loud

What you do extremely well is make this sound authentic. What I mean is I believe it's someone telling a bedtime story to his daughter. I'm sure the daughter doesn't get a lot of it (allusions to Monty Python might be lost on the average kid, I think), but I'm imagining the intonations of the story would keep her entertained. Love the voice and the quirky way it's told - the narrator is inventive. Like the interuptions in the beginning and the short break...I guess she got tired of asking questions later. A fun read.

Where has this delightful morsel been hiding? A writer who doesn't pretend that he's not writing - and that nobody is reading. My favourite sort of fiction. Shelved.

You have a GREAT voice here!!!!! Laugh a minute! And a belly roll for 'a knitted green tea-cosy' ! Had me turning the digital page...quickly!

Definitely shelved!

All the best
Elaina

This is fun, a truly sparkling read. It's so original too and the dialogue so clever that I can 'hear' the child interrupting!! Clearly drawn from true life and so skilfully written that it's a pleasure to read and shelve.
Tucked away, I do have a knitted green and brown teacosy that my mother knitted for me many moons ago, as age takes its toll, let this tale be a warning to me!! Margaret.

Ben! what a delightful read! i truly enjoyed this! it made me laugh out loud! and strangely brought on a case of the munchies ;o) and as this has kept me up so late (its 1a.m. here) snacking is not an option if i want to sleep...i do want to sleep so off i go! On my shelf Abu!

I'll never be able to look at little old ladies or tea cosies again. Love The Stale Crust. Just one comment really, start with the cafe and skip the first few paragraphs. Otherwise a really light hearted, easy read, I could just sit back and enjoy this. Happy to back it.

Ben, what a delightful fantasy. It reminds me of 'Zuleika Dobson'. Your characterisation is brilliant, especially the device of portraying the Small Daughter through her interruptions. As for your style, you're a master of the language - so effortless, light and amusing. Love 'pee for thus'. Didn't understand about the French and the stairs, though. When you explain it to your daughter, will you tell me as well? With the setting and the quotations , the whole thing is like an English dream, as delicious as the cakes you describe. But six chapters is not enough. Must have more. Until then, shelved, and all good wishes for a gorgeous, unusual tale.
Lynn

Dear Ben/Abu,

The voice is marvelous. I love the description of the Little Old Lady/Ladies. And many of the observations are so wonderfully funny. From my perspective, the challenge you've set for yourself is how to bridge the gap between adult and child humor. I think a dip into "The Princess Bride" might enlighten. It's a similar problem: how to utilize adult humor while relaying a story to a child.

I'm thrown off by the prologue, as it were.
Would love it if you opened from "Story?" she asks hopefully.

Maybe (just a thought) how about starting with:
"Story?" she asks hopefully.
And so it is that I find myself …

Is the narrator telling the story to the little girl? Or to a much older teen, close to adult age? Some of the references that seem strange is sharing with a child: Tentative almost smiles; postgrads who come out every few weeks for fresh air, realizing there are other people in Oxford; it takes a certain amount of class to wear high heels, being put through an intellectual shredder.

Yet the paragraph about the leaky potato soup is written for a much younger girl

Would it not confuse the child if the Dad talks about how cute the post-grad student is? Especially if he's a happily married man?

Suggest being more judicious in the asides back to the child. They happen so frequently that, in my opinion, they're interrupting the flow of the story.

All that said, I'm fascinated by those Old Ladies, and would definitely continue reading. Shelved.

This is the first book I've read on here that makes me hungry. The soup sounds so good. I love them thick. Carrot cake - well I haven't had any since I left the US, but my stomach is calling out now that you've mentioned it.

I like everything that's going on in the background while the story is 'happening.' I once wrote a short story like that, and my aim was for the reader to hear the click of the knives and forks the people used to eat with as they went on with the 'real action' that made up the story. I think that you've really been able to do this well here. Great ideas for setting. The messed up tray - I like that image. Real!

Ha! I have sharp elbows and my husband always complains when I rest them on his leg. But it's fun to hear a big man scream - I'm a tiny woman (slender) for crying out loud.

This is so original. I love it and think that you write exceedingly well. I worry about a niche market with this book, but I know that the talent will shine through. I will put this on my shelf.

best
anne

Oh oh oh the delight! Perhaps it's my jaded eye, filled with evil perpetratrors and sorrowful losses... but this sparkling bounce of a storytime... filled with Brit humor and loving asides, and the Daddy we all wish we had. Abu you are a wonder, and so wonderful! Hirsute... means hairy. I am replete with borrowed happiness.

V
Hawaiian Orchid
PS- no crit for you. It is perfectly perfect.

Hi Ben! So I've never read a book about tea-cosies. Hmmm. Lucky this is my first one, because your story is both funny and intriguing. This has a lot of promise, and generally you've handled it well. The only thing I had a bit of a problem with was the interruptions by the unheard daughter. After a while they started to wear on me. But I'm not sure how else it can be handled other than actually have her be heard by the reader. Just a suggestion. Oh, and in chapter 2 there's some funny business with é's. But all-in-all this deserves fans and I'm one of them!

Michael
The Last Coming Out Story

This is brilliant! I love the format you're writing in. A parent telling their child a story. Your writing is quirky, hilarious, and fast-paced. An author's job is to tell the readers a story. Often, writer's fail to do this, and instead, give long descriptions of meaningless things. I don't see any errors in this. It's crisp and clean, flows smoothly. Shelved!

A beautifully told story about story-telling. My father told me a bedtime story every night, and this must have been how he saw it....I think I, too, was an interupter. Very enjoyable. I'm going to ration the remaining four chapters I have left so that I can pop in and reminisce about the joys of being told a story, because you capture the essence of that most familial of arts.

well ben, i rather thought i should like your book and here it is a small comic gem amongst all the big serious books on authonomy. or styles obviously have things in common and we share a devotion to PG Wodehouse whose work you will have noticed i have summarily ripped off - or at least the style.

your seems totally original however and utterly charming. i shall come back and read more tomorrow but for now i shall go to bed envying your daughters their story-telling father and wishing you well with your writing. why do mummies always have to be the enforcers?

xx
maitreyi
BLOGSPOT

Oh, this is terrific! What a story-teller!

Hi Ben,
this is lovely. It is also humorous, engaging and clever. I love hearing your daughter's voice, even although it's always through you. As a dad of the two cutest girls, I feel very warm towards this. I hope your daughter realises what a lucky girl she is, just as you know what a lucky dad you are, Shelved,
Scott

I really enjoyed reading this. I know it is told to a child (I had one so like her they could have swapped places and we wouldn't have noticed!) but it isappealing enough for ayone. Unfortunately I was hit between theshoulder blades with a handbag by a litle old lady JUST like the one you describe - but she had a fairly well grown moustache instead of a mole. There were no nit piks it runs smoothly and endearingly. I love it I hope its been to a few publishers and makes the book shops...? glad to have you visit my shelf xx Marion

This is an EX-Parrot. No, that's not what I meant to say at all. Let's try again. THIS. IS. BRILLIANT. OMG, I"m in love with this story! And I'm picturing the que, right, and I'm thinking of... Oh hell, what's that street? You know the one! High Street, I suppose it must be, and what do you know? It IS in Oxford. I was kind of hoping I could peek into this, decide I didn't like it and pop it off my WL. But no. You're going on my shelf right this minute and I'm coming back for more.

Hi Ben, Utterly charming, the voice brisk and easy to follow even when it reads like an adult bedtime tale. You’ve made the meeting places into magical zones so that, as if it was read late in the evening, the tale would make a person look forward to lunch the next day. And then you’ve even gone to contemporary nursery rhyme which works too. Nothing falling flat when this would seem a risky venture. Liked the use of repetition, the moulting coat and the Little Old Lady as a hinge was hilarious. This sticks, the idea that even for her, outings have potential that the storyteller sees in life and that a child expects. I wanted to read more to see what might develop around the Little Old Lady. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Fluent, engaging narrative style, chock full of references that delight any anglophone, but enough vivid characterisation to please any reader from anywhere. This is smart, funny, cheerful, brilliantly paced, and I hope you get on the ED - it would be well deserved.
Kathrin (Crash Cole)

Absolute rubbish, Bun, you've got about as much chance as a mouse with a cat on a square mile of linoleum. But, what the hell, on the shelf out of nostalgia, solidarity, and fellow-feeling re: cheese.

Loving this, Ben. I'm filling up ... and I have no idea why! So funny. So moving. Beautiful is all I'm gonna say right now, all I am able to say. But I'll be back to you, once I've composed myself.

James

This is a lovely book. I use the word 'lovely' without apology, because from the first I was charmed by your narrative voice. It's quirky and funny and genuinely entertaining. I wasn't quite sure what this was about at first, because your Pitch is a bit short, but I noticed you said you'd made it public again by popular request, and I thought, "Aha! That sounds interesting!" I can actually picture you telling this story to your daughters when they were younger, if you don't mind me saying so. I think it's great, and it's got a bright future, and I'm bookshelving it.

Ben,

You have done a masterful job with this and you have a wonderful sense of humor that just carries the story along. I like the premise... it's silly and light and carried out beautifully. I also like the idea that the narrator is telling the story to his daughter.

Now, some critiques: This feels like a train rocketing full speed ahead. While your grasp of comedy is terrific, you just keep going, one joke after the other. Each is funny, but there's no space for the reader to breathe. By the time I reached the third chapter, I was exhausted. Even enjoying the story, it was hard to continue. I can't even imagine reading a whole book of this if the entire thing moved this fast.

Like the jokes, the interruptions from the daughter almost seem too frequent. Again, they're funny, but it creates the illusion of a jerky, breakneck ride that never seems to slow down.

The vocabulary is also rather high for talking to such a young child, even with the explanations from the narrator for some of them, but I don't know how you'd simplify that without taking away from the story and I think that the readers can manage a suspense of disbelief if they can settle enough into the story.

My suggestion would be to keep doing what you're doing, but try to create a sense of swells and lulls. Tell your joke, then drop us into the scene. Give us a better feel of being there in the picture before you remind us you're telling the story as a bed-time tale.

I like the feel of this, so I wouldn't suggest being as drastic, but if you've ever seen the movie Princess Bride you'll see an interesting way of handling such stories. You still have the interruptions and the real world, but the story itself seems real, too. It's not just someone reciting it.

I'm very impressed. Good luck with this.

Only just discovered this, is there a conspiracy? There is a lot of great humour on authonomy and you are amongst the best. It won't appeal to everyone but it certainly does to me. On my shelf. Patrick Barrett (Shakespeares Cuthbert)

Well – this is a blast. Monty Python’s “Hell’s Grannies sketch” crossed with Tom Sharpe’s “Porterhouse Blue” but made fit for the more innocent reader, such as me.

As Oxford alumnus myself I found the scenery, the ambiance and the characters very real. I half believe I must have been in “The Stale Crust” myself at some stage. I also remember the deadly Oxford weekends, when everything was shut, and yes, even buying biscuits was a chancy undertaking. (I once almost starved to death when I stayed in a friend of a friend’s rooms in Cambridge while he was away, and discovered that it was not even possible to buy a bar of chocolate the length and breadth of Cambridge on a Sunday morning).

Liked the cultural references, though I only had a vague idea who Michael Flanders was (confirmed that yes he was the other half of Swann, and also discovered in the process that they were not, as I had always assumed, a gay couple – so more useful knowledge garnered there). But why not call LMH Lady Margaret Hall, which is vaguely meaningful to most people?

Also liked the slightly dodgy societies that one was half tempted to join but always wary of. And those strange smiles. Not just an Oxford phenomenon. -

And there’s a serious point. We have after all sentimentalised and “victimised” the very old to the point where (so we’re told) they’re often afraid to go out. The vicious granny offers us all, ultimate hope – we just need a few yobbish granddads to go with them/

Great stuff

Shelved

Ben, this belongs with a very special family of books, that are really family books, to be read aloud conversationally and with exaggerated voices, wonderful for the holidays with a fire in the evening...

Thackeray's 'Rose and the Ring' - A.A. Milne for the younger ones - that odd man out, Joel Chandler Harris' 'Uncle Remus' - C.H. Claudy's 1913 'Tell-Me-Why Stories About Animals' - Kipling's 'Just So Stories'... almost all British, that decision to allow the discussion with the read-to to interrupt the narrative, but there's Ende's 'Neverending Story' and Goldman's 'Princess Bride'

I really have nothing to say - none of those books are of a 'type', they simply are what they are, and your Tea-Cosy is what it is. But at least it has a lot of cousins. I have no idea whether you'll find it easy or impossible to publish. The writing isn't the problem; finding the publisher with the vision for it, that might be a different matter... Have you written any short stories in the same voice? Could you? could you place them with some magazine your kids read or used to read? Then you could demonstrate acceptability to a timid editor.

Shelved. Best of luck!

Robin