Book Jacket

 

rank 5336
word count 23382
date submitted 22.01.2009
date updated 21.10.2010
genres: Romance, Science Fiction
classification: moderate
incomplete

The Kinship

Lisa Paitz Spindler

A spy’s redeeming mission, a revered leader’s desperate journey, and a warring planet’s only hope.

 

Kinship spy Jana Randall yearns for a mission to redeem herself and her career after the suspicious death of her partner. When she’s captured on a black ops mission to distant Ico, Jana is forced to share her mind with the memories of a long-dead queen and redemption seems beyond her grasp.

Once escaped, Jana finds herself thrown between a far-reaching conspiracy to reclaim a lost golden age and a bid to control a narcotic that could enslave or liberate the Iconnu. Jana must team up with religious leader Brannon Bayne to seize command of a particulate matter shield before the planet's periodic variable star flares. A dynastic invading group, a drugs and arms cartel, and a secret cabal all struggle with the Iconnu to control the bloodstar plant, whose super anti-oxidant properties affect all life on Ico at the molecular level and whose life-cycle is tied closely to the solar flare.

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action, cyberspace, espionage, future, nanotechnology, science fiction, speculative fiction, transhumanism

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Chapter One

Glossary of Terms

Adept: An agent of the Kinship, an intelligence gathering organization run by the Commonwealth of Planets.

Floater: A person totally disconnected from the Grid.

Grid: The galactic-wide network used primarily by the Kinship.

HUD: Heads Up Display; the visual representation of the Grid every Kinship agent sees in their field of vision, specifically information such as heart rate, air temperature, and grid connection strength.

Locus: Node or intersection point of networks on the Grid; has come to also refer to any physical place where people gather, such as a city. Plural, loci. 

Medbot: Medical robot often used in place of a medtech.

Medtech: Low level medical worker

Nanomarkers: Microscopic robots that infuse the blood of Kinship agents and enable them to access the Grid anywhere, anytime as well as communicate with each other via synthetic telepathy referred to as commlink messaging. These tiny devices are also used by the Kinship to track the location of any agent. Every second of an agent's activity is recorded in the Grid logs.

Stim: An addictive stimulant narcotic popular on Commonwealth planets.

 

Chapter One

LOCUS: UONRA, ANTENOR PRIME

As darkness fell, Lieutenant Jana Randall watched a thousand neon skyscrapers light up Uonra's metropolis. Her last sunset as a Kinship adept. 

"This isn't worth a court martial." Jana turned around and yanked up her sleeves.

Sharp synthetic light from the window behind her cast jagged shadows on the floor. A few feet away her partner Rodrik leaned on the doorjamb, arms crossed. "Screw the court martial, Jana. I'm not giving up on months of work. It's worth it even if the Kinship can only shut down Domek's black market in this sector. We'll be heroes."

Tang of alcohol, stab of a needle in each arm. The medtech at the rundown clinic finished hooking Jana to the cell separator that would remove her blood's microscopic markers, tools the Kinship used to track its agents. Jana flexed her hands. She felt naked and exposed without her body's constant companions of the last six years.

Hook-up complete, Rodrik pulled the medtech aside, slipped a month’s worth of illegal stim into his palm, and hustled him out the door.

"I haven't been off the grid since I joined up." Jana concentrated on the rhythmic click and whoosh of the machine to tap down her frustration. "Without our nanomarkers, if anything goes wrong--"

"There's no way around this, Jana." Rodrik glanced over his shoulder down the hallway.

Shit, had someone discovered them at the clinic after hours?

He crossed the room and leaned in close, fair brows knit together. "Last night our informant got a look at the specs for Domek's scanners. They're tuned to pick up old nanomarkers like ours. One step into Domek's territory and we're dead."

From the supplies at her bedside, Rodrik slapped microderm patches on his own IV nicks. "They're starting to trust me. I can't do this without you."

Jana looked away from the intensity in his green eyes. "We’re re-injecting as soon as this op is over."

He nodded. "Enjoy the freedom for a change."

Rodrik smiled and kissed her, a quick slip of tongue over lip laced with a note of ginger from their last meal.

Jana licked her lips, dizzy from the transfusion. "Even a stim bribe won’t be enough to keep news of two AWOL Kinship operatives under wraps. We need to get out of here."

More than just the espionage arm of the Commonwealth, the Kinship was a way of life for its agents and to break from it, taboo. Removing the microscopic robots from their bodies and disconnecting from the "grid," the network that bound the Kinship together, made Jana feel rudderless and alone. Rodrik, however, obviously felt liberated.

Jana wasn't alone, though. The two of them sat in the same rudderless boat together, no matter what. She never could say no to Rodrik.

"I need just a little bit more time. You know I'm right about this," Rodrik whispered low. The warmth of his breath caressed Jana’s ear. "It's the only way this op will work."

Jana didn't expect Rodrik to understand. He always pushed the limits of Kinship control. Jana stood between the two and kept Rodrik from pissing off the wrong people or worse. This time, as always, her partner was counting on the payoff to get them out of trouble. If she held on just a little while longer, Jana could bring Rodrik back in line. She could save him before it all fell apart.

She'd trust him one more time, just one.

#

Two hours later, floaters now with no grid access, they could go anywhere. Per Domek's instructions, they went to the Boundries.

9/30/2009 10:11 AM

"We should have checked in." Jana kicked an ancient syringe of stim off the road. The lights of Uonra glowed in the distance like smoldering stardust in a sea of dark matter.

"And blow our only chance? I can get us past Cartel security. The Kinship wants someone on the inside. I can make that happen."

Jana clicked the gun's safety off. "Doesn't appear anyone has lived here since the fiberoptics failed." 

Their gunlights glared off broken glass ahead, storefronts looted long ago. Jana flicked off the light. She didn't need to see skeletons of a previous generation.

"Yeah, well, gated communities and two-car garages in the Burbs are all great, but if you don't have access to the grid you're out of luck."

A grid they weren't tied to anymore.

Rodrik pointed north. "St. Gereon’s is 800 meters ahead."

Jana nodded, logging the same intel on her cortical heads-up display or HUD. The countdown clock in her vision's bottom right corner ticked away. She shifted the N-40 tighter to her torso and double-checked the coil gun's night sight.

A paranoid SOB, Domek chose the Boundries meet-point for one reason: Uonra's security forces disrupted plasma weapons here. Her preferred D-90 was worth crap outside the city checkpoints. Instead, the N-40 launched a poisoned projectile powered by a single electromagnetic coil.

"We have one hour fifty-seven minutes to check in before Command realizes we’re off the grid."

"Relax, Jana. Even with our old wetware they can track our last known location, but we'll be done with this op by the time Command finds us." Rodrik handed her a round palm-sized device. "It's a signal booster that will amplify our residual nanomarkers so we can use the commlink. The Kinship can't yank our leash every few nanoseconds, but you didn't I'd leave you in the cold, did you?"

Jana pocketed the device, but didn’t answer, didn’t need to. They had worked together for seven years, longer than most level five adepts lasted even singly. Each had other partners, but none whose ware had meshed so easily, both in the field and off of it.

She still didn't like breaching protocol. They were alone, which made her feel vulnerable. She needed protective hills around her, Rodrik needed open spaces. Despite the long partnership, static weakened their connection and Jana couldn't force Rodrik back to regs without losing him altogether.

Jana and Rodrik turned the corner and the ebony bulb steeple of St. Gereon’s loomed ahead, its massive structure blotting out the moonlight. She took point. The Cartel knew only Rodrik, so on this op Jana was expendable, a bodyguard. If Cartel security got fidgety, it would be better if they shot her first.

Her boots crunched on the disintegrating asphalt, and the air held a bite to it, a crispness that shot through the sinuses and made for sharp clear night vision.

They skirted the old church, not a single sensor firing on thermals. Jana doubted they’d beat the Cartel to this meeting, but so far the thugs were laying low. She nudged open a side door, Rodrik behind her, and followed the wall toward the chancel. They passed tall granite columns casting shadows like giants lurking in the dark.

Just past the columns, thirty meters in front of them shone a single thermal image, a man standing in front of the altar.

"Domek," Rodrik whispered in Jana’s ear, his hips against hers. She smiled, felt how the op revved him up.

Jana clicked on the booster.

<Switch to commlink messaging> she transmitted to Rodrik over the HUD. They had to stay close though, without the nanomarker signal boost the HUD's range was restricted.

9/30/2009 10:11 AM

<Have a fix on the bodyguards?>

<Negative. Stay here while I scan the perimeter.>

Jana swung around the back of the church, running parallel scans around the columns. The old building had a lot of places to conceal someone, especially Cartel special forces. Domek rarely traveled without bodyguards, in fact he rarely traveled at all, and his personal appearance tonight irked her.

"Welcome, Rodrik," Domek said from his high point. "Few people meet me in person."

"Fewer still remember it," Rodrik replied.

The Cartel king laughed. He seemed relaxed, unconcerned about her location. A classic profile, the man possessed a strong nose and a chin covered in a close-cropped beard. Gray lined the temples of his brush cut hair.

Domek stalked down the altar steps. Moonlight filtering from the blasted out windows above cast him in shades of gray. Dressed in black, Domek glided like a wraith around the church’s nave.

"I can’t say you will either." Domek’s smile brightened.

Six Cartel commandos came out of the darkness decked in thermal camo, a display of strength that cost Domek quite a bit of cred and meant only one thing. He knew they were Kinship.

All she could do now was to try to get them out still breathing.

<Down. Now!> Jana transmitted, but Rodrik ignored her. She shot a commando two meters in front of him, two projectiles launched in quick succession, and hit him in the throat. The soldier collapsed, convulsing.

Another fighter grabbed her in a choke-hold, but she sank to the floor and slithered out of it. Jana rammed the gun under his chin and fired straight through the sinus cavity to the brain. He too fell back, convulsing, the poisoned tip of the projectiles finishing what the sharp points started.

Domek took refuge on the altar and Jana leaped after him. She didn’t make it. A projectile plunged through her shoulder, ripping flesh and propelling her to the ground. Her head slapped off a step leading up to the altar.

So much for getting out of here still breathing. 

Jana's muscles spasmed and the moonlight sped away in a smear of radiance. She tasted tasted on her tongue. Across the nave, Rodrik knelt, arms yanked back. Blood dripped into her eyes, but Jana could still see the coil gun pressed to his skull.

Rodrik tilted his head toward her and the commando pressed the gun harder.

<Goodbye, Jana.>

<No! Rodrik—>

But the seizure whipped through her brain, the HUD's feedback distorted her vision, and warm blood gushed from her shoulder.

The coil gun popped and Rodrik slumped just as the darkness took her.

#

LOCUS: GUROVA MOUNTAINS, ICO 

Brannon rarely thought of that other man's woman, but tonight he longed for her. Long limbs, soft touch, warm breath, memories implanted with Brannon's uninformed consent and triggered by the rich aroma of bloodstar. The memory of a woman who died a thousand years ago. 

In the present, his cousin Eshana stood at the deepest end of the grotto, her knee-length red tunic and leggings sprinkled with dust and her brown hair tied to the side in a braid. Even from a distance, her skin glowed golden and Brannon wondered how many bloodstar 

9/30/2009 10:11 AM

cheroots she'd smoked already. Eshana smiled when she noticed Brannon and hurried to greet him.

"Cousin!" She spread her arms wide for an embrace.

Brannon lingered at the cave's threshold, uneasy with so many familiar faces. They all believed him to be the Consort, and yet few would ever know the truth.

"Eshana, a dhama." Brannon returned the hearty welcome with a quick hug and let her lead him deeper inside the Sian resistance headquarters. "You've been recruiting again, I see. So many are just children." 

He spotted an orphan boy, born not more than fifteen years past, whose parents had been good friends to him. On another bench a young couple whispered to each other with heads bent close. All of these young ones held the power of peace in their future and yet they would rather fight.

"More Iconnu join our cause every day, Brannon. I don't need to recruit. So many are tired of how the Dynasts treat us and are willing to fight for freedom."

"I don't know how much help I can be tonight. I've already met many of the people here."

"And I know what you're going to say, so don't. They all agree with Temair's interpretation of the prophecy. Face it, Brannon, people want to see you in the flesh."

"I can't save them any more than you can."

"Absurd. Everyone believes you're the Consort, the Aonachd, all right? I know you don't want to hear it, but you're their avatar, their reincarnated god. You give members of the Sian something to fight and hope for. I've never understood why you see it as a liability."

He sighed, an old quarrel. "Is Temair going to be here?"

"She's just arrived." Eshana pointed.

The high priestess Temair appeared at the cave entrance, clad in the lapis robes of the Tentii, a strict religious sect who dedicated their lives to the worship of Ursara. Few knew as he did that Temair held a loftier title than a mere high priestess.

"Does she come to all of the meetings? It's so far from the northern priory for her to travel."

Eshana nodded and watched Temair walk across the grotto. "She hasn't missed a one. It's in the priory's best interest to have a representative here, I suppose. The Tentii still thinks it runs the Sian Council."

"This is not a safe place for you, Brannon," Temair said as she joined them. With each movement her crown of lapis threads, interwoven with her long jet hair, whispered about her shoulders.

"Nor for you, priestess." 

"As the son of the Lady of the Isles you should take greater care. If something should happen to the Aonachd--"

"None of us are safe while the Dynasts remain on our world." Eshana's gaze skirted the cave, always gauging the mood of the crowd.

"I want to at least discuss other possibilities," Brannon said. "We don't have to send our children out to fight the Dynasts."

"We've tried talking, Brannon." Eshana balled up her fist. "And we've gotten more laws prohibiting our movement. They retaliated to the Targren Bridge bombing by restricting us to certain quarters of Dun Brata. While you've been negotiating with them, the police have enforced restricted work permits."

"Eshana--"

"That shield of theirs will destroy our way of life if we don't destroy it first." Louder and facing the small crowd, Eshana continued. "We must send the Oligar a message! It's time we take down the Citadel launch platform. We raid the Oligar's Citadel!"

The small crowd cheered, forgetting that the Sian Council hadn't always been dedicated to war. Once it was a peaceful assembly of Iconnu tribes. Despite his ancient claim to lead these people, Brannon felt alone in the throng of righteous voices.

"Listen to me." Brannon stepped out in front and the crowd quieted. He was the Consort after all. Some would heed his warning.

"If the Sian proceeds with this raid on the Oligar's Citadel, many lives will be lost. I am not averse to fighting and have bled alongside many of you."

He thought of that orphan, of the parents lost. "Are you not weary of fighting?"

Brannon paused and let the meaning of his words sink in. The rhetoric tasted sour in his mouth, the bait to a trap he could never spring. How could he remind them that the Consort already lived among them when he felt like a fraud? Brannon stared hard at the young couple he saw earlier. He hated using a lie against them, but what other options did he have?

"You." Brannon pointed at a teenager. "Do you love her?"

The boy nodded. Brannon stepped closer.

"It's easy to fight and give your life for something. It's harder to try to live in peace. What will you do if she's killed on this next raid? How will you feel then?"

The boy looked down at the ground. A hushed moment passed and the girl stood. Never taking her eyes from Brannon, she took the boy's hand.

"I couldn't bear abandoning him." She said and pulled him along to flee into the cool night.

Many of the remaining members stared openly at the exit, clear longing etched on their young faces.

"We must defend our homeland!" Eshana raised her fist. "When have the Iconnu shied away from a challenge, from war?"

Brannon spoke softly, but his voice reverberated through the cave in a way Eshana's shouts could not. "When have we neglected peace? The Iconnu have always considered war a last resort and I say we have other options open to us still. I believe we can yet bargain with the Dynasts for control of the launch platforms."

A few more inductees stood and hesitantly left the grotto. He ignored Eshana's glare, as if she could stab him in the gut from across the cave.

In all, twelve youths left the Sian meeting and Brannon secretly cheered that those twelve would not die in a few weeks. Still, he knew Eshana could not be convinced to cancel the raid. So Brannon would join them, if not to keep the group from slaughter, then at least to prevent his cousin from getting herself killed.

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Jim Darcy wrote 472 days ago

Well developed space opera with enough technobabble to set the scene but plenty of focus on the characters which is what really drives sci-fi. Plenty here to please the fan, of which I am one. :)

SusieGulick wrote 474 days ago

Dear Lisa, I love the adventures of Jana & Brannon & that they are working together to save the ecosystem. :) Your pitch prepared me for all of this & at the end of chapter 8, I like that she told him she would know if he lied to her. :) So, I'm ready for your next chapter. :) In the meantime, I'll write in my mind that they get married & live happily ever after :) - that is, after they complete their quest. :) I've backed your book :) - could you please take just a moment to back my memoirs book? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

SusieGulick wrote 475 days ago

:) comment to follow - read & commented on 11 hours later :)

Barry Wenlock wrote 518 days ago

Hi Lisa, I usually not a great sci-fi fan, so I only read chapter one. I will say you write very well and I thought it was full of imaginative ideas (The sinister Kinship) and interesting language. I liked, 'illegal stim', 'tongue, laced with ginger', 'the poison tip...finishing what the sharp points started', Bloodstar cheroots' and many others.
Your characters are well described and the plot is developing at an appropriate pace.
Backed with pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Nick Poole2 wrote 719 days ago

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

Lisa Spindler wrote 894 days ago

Slick sci-fi elegantly done. I have my reservations about the glossary rather than explaining it within the writing, but I'm on the fence about it for the moment.



I just added that glossary yesterday because I agree with you. However, I had several readers -- mostly those who don't usually read SF -- who were confused with several new words being introduced in the first chapter. While it's pretty de rigeur for SF to have to introduce new concepts early in a story and I think I've done a decent job of avoiding the infodump, overall I agree with you about the glossary.

Other than that, fantastic writing and a story worthy of the big screen.



Thank you!

'Jana clicked the gun's safety off' (This is the first time that the gun has been mentioned, maybe mention her pulling the gun out first?)



Great catch. I'd added that sentence in the other day when trying to edit out a few too many "saids" and didn't realize the continuity issue. Thanks!

andyroo wrote 894 days ago

Slick sci-fi elegantly done. I have my reservations about the glossary rather than explaining it within the writing, but I'm on the fence about it for the moment. Other than that, fantastic writing and a story worthy of the big screen.

One nit:

'Jana clicked the gun's safety off' (This is the first time that the gun has been mentioned, maybe mention her pulling the gun out first?)

Andrew

Cas P wrote 894 days ago

Hi Lisa. This is superior sci-fi. Well crafted, deeply imagined, beautifully told. A polished piece.
The contrast between Jana and Rodrik's lives and those of Eshana and Brannon set the scene for a conflict of epic proportions. The old story of struggling for power, for peace, for a world you believe in, is about to be told anew, in a fresh and exciting way. Gripping stuff.


I saw two nits;
'but you didn't I'd leave you in the cold...missing *think*.
She tasted tasted on her tongue...tasted *blood*?

Definitely one to watch, this. Shelving, to boost it on its way to the stars...
Cas.
KING'S ENVOY

Cas P wrote 894 days ago

Hi Lisa. This is superior sci-fi. Well crafted, deeply imagined, beautifully told. A polished piece.
The contrast between Jana and Rodrik's lives and those of Eshana and Brannon set the scene for a conflict of epic proportions. The old story of struggling for power, for peace, for a world you believe in, is about to be told anew, in a fresh and exciting way. Gripping stuff.


I saw two nits;
'but you didn't I'd leave you in the cold...missing *think*.
She tasted tasted on her tongue...tasted *blood*?

Definitely one to watch, this. Shelving, to boost it on its way to the stars...
Cas.
KING'S ENVOY

Urania wrote 895 days ago

Hi Lisa, Sci fi isn't at all my genre, but I like your premise and the pitch was intriguing. I think this book has great potential in its target market. However, I did find it a struggle to read. There were so many words with capital letters - for example I threw myself into the second half of chapter two - a lot of telling and not much showing here - and although you are writing sci-fic, it might be that you need to lead your readers a little more gently into the world to which you are taking them. I believe, and agree, according to many agents, that when we enter a novel we are trusting enough to enter this unknown, novel place. We are new to this world, so we must relate to it, however much we can eventually adapt to it, feel the fear in it, or the heat, or the emotion, or the laughter or the warmth, we must have something we can relate to in this 'novel' place. And the first page says it all. I'm not sure I knew what the medtech or the nanomarkers were - perhaps this is sci-fic in-house knowledge? And that bit of latin text as intro of each chapter, well I know a bit, a little bit of latin, but even that has me flummoxed. Perhaps translate it?

I can see you have a fabulous, fantastic imagination, and a wonderful plot is developing with loads of action and promise. Just make the opening a little more accessible and maybe dialogue a little more natural. Shelved to encourage you for your talent and potential.

Cellardoor wrote 897 days ago

The Kinship,

This is a fascinating idea, Lisa! I love the premise and how the story is unfolding, Jena and Rodrik are interesting characters! I'll be back to comment when I've finished the partial - just want to let you know I'm giving this a spin on my shelf to help your rank!

Melanie.

AnnEnglish wrote 900 days ago

Kinship - Spindler

Sorry. I kept losing the story. Of the first nine words, I did not understand four. Of the first four sentences, I understood only the second and fourth. The art of storytelling is not to make one's readers grit their teeth and struggle.

Chapter 2 seemed to say what happened in Chapter 1, but in flashback. I suggest simple sentences in correct time order. Avoid adverbs and adjectives. Avoid subordinate clauses.

Don't be discouraged - you've got a good story and there's no reason it shouldn't be told well. One last suggestion (i'm trying to be helpful): I notice that Chapter 1 is made up of sentences and short paragraphs, some of which (numbers 2, 4 6 ...) actually tell a story. The rest don't. Why not leave out Numbers 1, 3, 5 ... and let the story tell itself?

Good luck and best wishes
Ann

Lisa Spindler wrote 901 days ago

This book good and has a lot of potential. If they had stars, I would give it a 3 1/2 stars.



Thank you! I'm elated over 31/2 stars.

It still needs to fleshed out some more...however, Jana's character could use more details. We don't really know who she is, except that she is a spy. In the first chapter we learn she looses her partner/boyfriend, but the author never really gave us an idea of what she is feeling -- the loss and subsequent feeling of betrayal by the secrets Rodrick kept. Why does she need to redeem herself and why is there such a determination to join "Coil"? Why is she willing to go "off the grid" on this mission, when in the very beginning she did not want to, but did it only to please her partner? In fact Jana's character seems very 2 dimensional.



Do you have a few moments to clarify a few points for me? I have just a few minutes ago uploaded a new version of the opening scene. I think it's much improved and hope it addresses some of your concerns. However, in Jana's scenes with Dreux and Padarn when she returns to the Kinship we get to see that she's been grieving for a while over Rodrik's death and she's also angry about his not telling her about his involvement in the Coil. Also in inner monologue Jana reveals that she sees Padarn as a father figure and that's why she wants to redeem herself. The Kinship has become a replacement family for Jana and she's despairing because her actions have put that relationship in jeopardy. Taking on this new mission is Jana's chance to regain the trust of that family. So, the emotional information you mentioned is there and I'm a little at a loss as to why it's not having the right kind of impact on the reader.

...I could feel myself getting sucked into "The Kinship" universe. So this book is definitely being added to my shelf.



Thank you so much!

Kan1 wrote 901 days ago

This book good and has a lot of potential. If they had stars, I would give it a 3 1/2 stars. It still needs to fleshed out some more. Brannon Bayne's character is well written; however, Jana's character could use more details. We don't really know who she is, except that she is a spy. In the first chapter we learn she looses her partner/boyfriend, but the author never really gave us an idea of what she is feeling -- the loss and subsequent feeling of betrayal by the secrets Rodrick kept. Why does she need to redeem herself and why is there such a determination to join "Coil"? Why is she willing to go "off the grid" on this mission, when in the very beginning she did not want to, but did it only to please her partner? In fact Jana's character seems very 2 dimensional.

I also think she needs to flesh out some of the secondary characters a little more as well.

All in all, this story was an easy read (although the first chapter was a struggle) and I could feel myself getting sucked into "The Kinship" universe. So this book is definitely being added to my shelf.

bc1yax wrote 961 days ago

most enjoyable - you have alot going on in this chapter - you do have a very imaginative mind - and some mix of the Matrix to boot - this is real good - I was just going to read the first chapter but then I could not stop reading - write more please so I can read more -

bc1yax

ram_ette23 wrote 995 days ago

I liked the book once i got into it, the beginning tho almost lost me. Chapter 2 on kept me interested all the way thru. This could become a series i would read! I will put it on my shelf for now. With a little work I can see you becoming a favorite of mine.

Billy Young wrote 1001 days ago

I see that you have been polishing this up and it flows better for it. Though in truth I thought it was fine the way it was you have improved it. Yet at the same time you have managed to retain much of what this story was before the re-editing though somehow changed it through the work you have done.

AnnabelleP wrote 1001 days ago

Hi Lisa,
This is interesting, lots going on here. It's obvious to me you have a great imagination, you have created a whole other world here. Your characters are belivable, the more so I think because your dialogue is particularly good, realistic. You have tension here which makes the story exciting from a reader's POV. I like this and am going to put it on my shelf ;-) This is a clever story, good luck with it!
Bests,
AnnabelleP
(Adelaide Short)

black1990 wrote 1093 days ago

I liked the manuscript and would like to read more. But, there always is one, it needs to be tightened up in some parts. A glossary of words would help. Also, Jana shouldn't feel so bad for herself over Rodril's death because the relationship was never expanded on so I didn't feel her loss or self doubt. Also, maybe a prologue of her home and finding the Kinship, some background, just a few pages. Maybe give a scope of the size of the Commonwealth, the Homeworld background. We need to know have very special the Kinship is and Jana's place in it. Those are my initial thoughts. I really like it and hope to see more.

black1990 wrote 1093 days ago

I liked the manuscript and would like to read more. But, there always is one, it needs to be tightened up in some parts. A glossary of words would help. Also, Jana shouldn't feel so bad for herself over Rodril's death because the relationship was never expanded on so I didn't feel her loss or self doubt. Also, maybe a prologue of her home and finding the Kinship, some background, just a few pages. Maybe give a scope of the size of the Commonwealth, the Homeworld background. We need to know have very special the Kinship is and Jana's place in it. Those are my initial thoughts. I really like it and hope to see more.

Stauna wrote 1095 days ago

Interesting premise and I really like the feeling of authenticity. You have created great tension. It is also very intelligent with great dialogue. I'm going to shelve this for a while.
Best of Luck
Stauna

Jeff Blackmer wrote 1102 days ago

Lisa,
This is a good story. Reminds me a little bit of The Matrix, but that's okay. I like the tension, the sense of a desperate mission that is unfolding. I would have liked a little more information at the beginning of exactly where Jana and Rodrik were, there location, what it looked like. Also, when you said they were going to the boundaries, I wasn't really sure what mode of transportation they were taking. After reading a bit more it becomes obvious they were on foot. But a sentence or two stating how they got from where they started would have been helpful. I like it though, on my bookshelf for a bit. Good luck on this.

Jeff

Lisa Spindler wrote 1104 days ago

Billy-- I'm so going to use that in query letters. Thank you! Also thanks for backing my book.

Lisa Spindler wrote 1104 days ago

Thanks for your interest and support, Gene.

Billy Young wrote 1105 days ago

This is a twisting political drama as much as it is scifi or romance. The characters have the ability to make mistakes like we all do, which endears them to you. You want them to succeed to reach their goal and feel for them when tragedy strikes.

Anna Sugden wrote 1105 days ago

Love what I've read so far - powerful storyline, intriguing characters and a cool world! Great job, Lisa!

C.L. Wilson wrote 1107 days ago

Crisp, clear, vivid writing. Hooks the reader and draws her in. Terrific.

You're backed!

edandsue wrote 1107 days ago

A great story line interwoven with intriguing characters that are interwined in a complex sci-fi tale. The dialogue is expressive, the story is creative. At first the names of the characters, titles, and places were confusing and difficult to follow. But as the plot progresses the characters and the story line become more clearly defined.

A wonderful sci-fi read.

j_maschak wrote 1108 days ago

Good job Cous!!!

I read what I could at work. Fun stuff.
I will read more later.

Lisa Spindler wrote 1108 days ago

Well, this is a keeper. The dialogue is awesome; the world you've constructed seems real. It has history, depth, breadth and texture but at no time seems contrived. There were a couple of "book saidisms" but, upon review of some of my favorite writers' works, I found enough of the same to remove it as a dealbreaker in this case.
I like the characters, not just because they're interesting but because I actually like them.

Fun stuff.

You're backed.



Wow, Geoff. You just made my day. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my partial.

Geoff Thorne wrote 1108 days ago

Well, this is a keeper. The dialogue is awesome; the world you've constructed seems real. It has history, depth, breadth and texture but at no time seems contrived. There were a couple of "book saidisms" but, upon review of some of my favorite writers' works, I found enough of the same to remove it as a dealbreaker in this case.
I like the characters, not just because they're interesting but because I actually like them.

Fun stuff.

You're backed.

Stasio wrote 1108 days ago

Sounds awesome...love the story line!

Tawny Weber wrote 1110 days ago

Great story! I love the plot so far, the characters are intense and the writing is strong and pulls you right in.

Tawny Weber wrote 1110 days ago

Great story! I love the plot so far, the characters are intense and the writing is strong and pulls you right in.

Tawny Weber wrote 1110 days ago

Great story! I love the plot so far, the characters are intense and the writing is strong and pulls you right in.

Geoff Thorne wrote 1110 days ago

Uh. Yeah. This is my kind of party. Watchlisted for later dissection.

Welcome aboard.

Norbert Paitz wrote 1111 days ago

Great Book. The book has everything you want romance, intrigue, and science fiction. What more could anyone want.

S. Paitz

LDicken wrote 1111 days ago

A complex tale that blends futuristic science fiction, old world customs, and romance. Definitely worth reading.

Lindsey Brookes wrote 1111 days ago

Sounds like a great read! Very intricate plot, interesting characters.

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