Brimstone and Lily

A remarkable premise, well covered by very strong pitches, give every indication that this is a book rich in promise. I've read five chapters and have absolutely loved it. Don't expect a list of errors or mistakes - I didn't see any and in any case I was far too busy following the antics of the delightful Verity and her astonishing companion. I can't comment on the authenticity of the manner in which the period is depicted - it worked well enough for me - but I'm astonished at the breadth of your imagination and even more so by your skill in presenting this convoluted tale in such an approachable and entertaining manner.
Backed with enthusiasm.
Jared.

Ray Bradbury Channels Mark Twain to Write Pirates of the Caribbean.

If this book isn't published and you have film rights within three years I will completely lose what little faith I have left in human nature. I'd love to give you a long involved crit about where you might tweak and where you might tighten but honestly I can't. If I was being ultra critical I'd say it's odd that it's a first person narrative, from an MC who dialogues in vernacular but doesn't when she writes, makes for a little distracting tension for me as a reader but otherwise this is just perfect.

Easily the most fun I've had on Authonomy since I got here. I'm not a fan of straight fantasy but what ifs and side step fantasy like this when done well is superb - usually you see it in comics these day and this would make an astonishing graphic novel.

The only advice I can give to you is get it out there to agents and publishers this is truly something special.

Shelved for being nigh on perfect.

Cheers

Ebbsy

Hi Terry! Ye gods. I read through chapter 8, and I've got nothing for you other than one missed word (here it is: Ch. 5 Balanced horizontal, as if I flying - was/were flying [I suppose Verity's likelier to say was!]). I love the story. I love the characters. I love the setting. I love the invention. It's the kind of book I would have been psychotically obsessed with when I was a kid, and I may just have the same fate as an adult.

The Civil War isn't my area of expertise, but don't think I don't notice that you get these little details EXACTLY RIGHT, like Washington having been burned in the War of 1812 (which we tend *cough* to forget about -- well, I meant the burning, but the war itself too...) and the White House being known at the time as the President's House.

Dang it, Terry, I hate it when this happens, and I hope I'm not shortchanging you, but this just ain't gonna be a long review. If you're not banging on agents' doors RIGHT NOW, you're out of your mind. Seriously. This is entertaining, funny, well-written, and INSANELY commercial. Oh, wait!!! I've got one thing I can bring up. Although I will say right now that I like it the way it is -- but a publisher might wrassle you over it. When Verity calls Venoma a bitch. Of COURSE Verity would say it that way (and I challenge this hypothetical publisher to find me an English-speaking twelve-year-old today who isn't INTIMATELY familiar with that word); but I think it is the fashion now to sanitize the speech in kid-lit. Which is stupid. And Mark Twain wouldn't have let them get away with it, so maybe you can win this fight too ;-) ...

I totally missed FORD being the proprietor of the theater until JWB showed up -- HA!

Verity -- no matter what Ernie sniffs -- is not only a perfect but a logical hero in the Finn/Sawyer mold. She's basically an action kind of guy. She's SMART, but she uses her intelligence as cleverness and tactical maneuvering more than Deep Thoughts (cf. her quickness with school subjects that happen to interest her...and her rather grim performance with the rest). Jasper may amp up her fighting ability, but I refuse to believe that she'd be QUITE that good if she hadn't been the sort of person who'd been playing at sword fights probably since she was big enough to hold a stick. And there's something just inherently delicious about a massive, humorless power structure (oh, that happens to be evil, by the way) getting taken out by a good-natured trickster character. Who's twelve.

Eddie's abduction has a nice focusing effect on the story (er, SORRY, Eddie!!!). Otherwise, being "chosen" and being chased is all very exciting and hectic and interesting but doesn't exactly lead (yet) towards a specific goal -- all that changed when Venoma snatched Eddie. It provides an important emotional arch in the story, making it personal for Verity (heh heh, which was poor strategy on the Merchantry's part -- giving her something specific to focus on brings out her best, whereas open-ended "do as you like" opportunities like, um, READING THE INSTRUCTIONS ABOUT THE SWORD, tend to whoosh over her head).

I have a substantial review backlog at the moment, so I'm not sure exactly when I'll be back to read the rest here -- but return I definitely will. I hope you're not getting tired of all the fulsome praise from everyone ;-) . This is just such fun, and so well executed. Very best of luck!!!

This is SO NEAT. It's got a flavor of Joyce Carol Oates's Gothic stories, and Verity is a little bit like Lyra Belaqua ... it's great from so many different angles, the characters are fascinating, and the mixture of the familiar and the fantastic is really really appealingly done--delicate, not ham-fisted, and I love that it is American, and the idiomatic speech is just pitch-perfect, not too much or too little. FUN! I love it. I've only read through Ch. 3 but WOW. Also I am going to recommend a more sci-fi fantasy to you, but I think you're going to love it, here on authonomy. It's called Principia Mathemagica. I do believe that you and S.F. are going to get on like a house on fire. Well anyhoo I LOVE this (sorry no italics are allowed in these comment things, so I am going to have to just YELL) and will be popping it onto my guest shelf. Welcome Terry, I predict great things for your story. Please do not feel that you 'have' to back or even look at my book in return for my TOTAL ENTHUSIASM--no strings, man and I have NO idea whether my book would be up your street at all, it is hopelessly shallow and mod, nonfiction--I DON'T CARE, I just love yours. All the best, Maria.

Sorry that Authonomy has nuked my TSR. I'll try to find another user who will back you, someone with some TSR points.

A wonderfully complex and intriguing story that also hits the humor mark - just great! BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

Fun story, written in kind of a collision of styles. Easy to back this.
Please consider taking a look at my book, The Job.
Craig

I LOVED THE NOTE TO THE READER AT THE BEGINNING! This has to be one of thee best "voices" on the site, and some clever little phrases I'd never heard before too. The dialogue was excellent. I like the way the story unfolds. The reader becomes part of it instead of feelings like the details/history of these characters are just being told to us. Backed!
xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Brilliant!

Backed

I think I can honestly say I've never seen anything like this, and it's a brave new take on that same old urban fantasy that's currently saturating hte market. This is witty, startling, intelligent and engaging. What more could anyone ask for?

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

I was intrigued by your choice of setting for a fantasy novel.
You've done a great job getting the feel of the Civil War era. The dialogue sounds right and easy and the references to Ford and Booth and military bits and pieces fit in well. Verity is a strong, likable character with a Tom Sawyer wit to her...a convincing protagonist, especially when the magic kicks in.

I don't feel I'm qualified to judge the plot as fantasy is not a genre I read much, but once you have the setting, the characters and the dialogue down, I don't see how you can go far wrong.

Good Luck with this one!

Wendy Bertsch
(Once More...From The Beginning)

This book is a fun read. You have characters that spring to life, mainly because of their clever dialogue. Setting it into the period of the civil war gives it added depth. A good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

This is lots of fun. Verity is an engaging heroine with lots of spunk and Jasper appears to be her match. You convey a sense of time and place with dead-on narration and dialogue. And wit. Backed with pleasure.

Richard (Zombie Jamboree)

Backed

shah, the interpreter

I hated the intro. Otherwise:

I love this and love the premise. The Verity is believable and engaging. Wonderful job!

I swore I read this ages ago, and possibly I did...but I just saw my sweet Maria's Blustocking thread title flash by in the forums and decided to drop by to see if she was round but no luck.. Still, I thought, I better go see if I've read this as there have been so many times where I thought I had but hadn't. This I believe to be another case.
The cover, the pitches, the text...so well crafted and I wonder....how can this not have made the desk yet. But all the damn game playing, etc. Verity is such an iconic figure and I really really really enjoy him but its your turn of phrase, you masterfully crafted prose that is so damn - just jealous really, just annoyed at how people acquire skills like these...
I miss the folks like Maria...we need more of her and your other cherry picked figures on here (Well...I see Jared is picked - another gem.)
Best of luck to you sir!
-=Bradley

What can I say that hasn't been said already? Suffice to say it's going on my bookshelf.

A wisecracking sword, evil corporations and the Civil War? Eh? What drugs is this chap on, I wondered. From the get-go this is delightfully tongue-in-cheek. The story slams in with manic exuberance. I staggered back at the energy of it. Your writing is full of charisma - I love its knowing self-parody. Oh, I dreamed of being Huck Finn too. Whatever drugs you’re on, I want some.

I was drawn to this when I read it was in the American Civil War. From the pitch I was wondering how you were going to pull it off as a story but the narration is strong and you do a great job with putting the narrator straight into the head of the reader. Big strength is your characters or sure i say Charactatures because they are like you say tongue in cheek. It's the small things that make this work though, like the mention of a peppermint stick, it just felt so right.
Backed
David
Bailey of the Saints

I've read the first two chapters, and you've got me hooked. The strength of this is definitely Verity's voice and personality, which you convey so well. The historical details are woven in nicely without being heavy-handed, which would definitely turn most kids off.

The only thing I wonder about is whether you give some things away too soon, like that Eddie's going to die and Verity will be the most Magick-hunted person. I understand that you've framed this as Verity writing the book after the events took place, but as a reader, it causes me to brace for what's ahead rather than being in the moment. Just an opinion, of course.

This is quality writing with intriguing mystery and wonderful characters. Happily backed.

R.C. Lewis (Fingerprints)

Lovely blend of historical fiction and fantasy with characters as adorable as Verity.
Thank you for a wonderful read.

This story has an excellent voice. This sort of thing strikes me as very publishable. I enjoyed reading it. You prose was good, and you use some very Twainian techniques in creating character. The last line of the chapter is a great way to leave off, enticing the reader to spend at least a little while longer in your world.

Very much I like! Worth a backing.

This book is exceptional, with genuine language, strong main character voice, skillful blends of fantasy with chunks of history, and a well-constructed plot. Both on my shelf and Today's Pick I Like for 2/1/10: http://newandgoodreading.blogspot.com/2010/02/todays-pick-i-like-2110_01.html

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

A great blend of historical fiction and fantasy will make this a great novel for readers of all ages. Backed.

I am wordless before this book. In the best way possible. As I say only to a few, THANK YOU for a wonderful read!

Best of luck with it!
Julia -- Children of Light

Brimstone and Lily:

Entertaining read, good dialogue, and lively characters. :)

Backed.

Cáit ~ Muckers ~

Great pitch, great characters and a really first rate story.

The pitch is great, pulls me right in.

The language sounds authentic. I have no idea if it is, but it sounds like it is so that’s good enough for me. My personal pet hate is text in (brackets) which I see you have in your first paragraph. I skip over it, teachers drummed it into me at school not to use them in fiction. Might not be a real problem, lots of people seem to use them. But apart from that, the intro is catchy.

What is ‘Dutch-rubbed”? I’ve not heard of it.

I really like the voice of the MC in this. The reader is pulled easily into your world and your characterisation is spot on. Not overdone, not underdone.

Hmm... now you hook me in talking about these dreams and I want to know what they are.

What’s a ‘hired freedman’? I’m wishing I knew more about some of the terminology, but I’m thinking due to the time we’re in it’s a freed slave?

And, I want to know what the most ‘magick-hunted person on Earth’ becomes.

Very intriguing story, so well written it goes without saying, but I said it anyway.

This really is most excellent.

Lorrii

Nothing constructive or destructive to add to the excellent comments here. Great premise, fine writing, This is going far, inevitably.

Bill

Backed for now. Busy day, will come back and leave comments later.

Cheers

Lorri

I really don't know what to say, this is not my type of story but it is so well written and acted on that I felt I was in the middle of it. There is not a lot else I can say except that I enjoyed reading it and the way it was written. I am going to back this and I agree with some other comments that this story needs to be made into a film. Have a look at mine, Three Stayed Home. Totally different although a wartime story of WW2. Perhaps you might back this, many thanks. JohnJ

Wow! You've GOT me! And fer a gal with ADD that ain't easy!

Backed! Love! CG

Terry, this is great stuff! What an imagination you have! As an old fencer, I loved the sword play!

Loving regards! Callaghan

BRIMSTONE AND LILY:

Terry,

A wonderful pitch that promises to deliver a novel that will keep the kids reading all night. I'm not surprised you have such an inventive imagination, considering your c.v.

This is unique and original. It's great the way you skilfully blend fantasy with a real live chunk of history that most people can relate to. Such a clever piece of construction. I think it's fascinating the way we writers use bits of ourselves in our characters and our actions - quite natural I suppose, but some do it better than others.

Backed with admiration and best wishes for its future success,

Sheila (Pinpoint)

This is wonderful and I love it. I wasn't sure I would after the Prologue, afraid it would be too jargon-heavy and hard to read. But it isn't at all, just the perfect dusting of it to add voice and personality. (Speaking of the Prologue, I'm not sure I get the point of including that. It didn't add anything to the experience for me.)

You do a great job of getting me invested in the characters. I care about them and what's going to happen and by the end of chapter one, I'm choked up about something bad happening to Eddie and the last sentence has me all worried for Verity. And I got a lovely shiver when you brought in Booth and then it clicked that FORD was the owner of the theater. Great way to sneak it in on us, real attention grabber.

Great job. On to chapter two for me. Right after I put it on my bookshelf.

Best of luck to you!

Leah Petersen - Mourn the Sun

I have a bit of a campaign going at the moment about the uniformity of tone in YA writing. The prologue here, written in pure Southern fried chicken, blows any fear of conformity to the winds. This is a real bravura display built on seemingly detailed knowledge of the period and of history in general. Backed.

I was drawn to your book through the "Good News" section of the forum and your post there, and now I'm ever so glad I decided to take a look. I can see why Kim Harrison offered rave reviews!! Your characters are delightful, writing flows perfectly, and I haven't a complaint in the world. I love the mix of fantasy with a Civil War setting. Lovely read! Backed with pleasure.

Alexis A. Hunter
(The Five Staffs of Meledari)

Hi Terry brilliant first chapter or second I should say. I love the introduction from Verity and you do as promised stay in character, the narration is brilliant. What an adventure Verity and Eddie had meeting the gang and there little battle, she sure has guts (as she say herself) and I love the part about the "boy bits" I laughed most f the way through this. The premise is brilliant and the synopsis is also one of the best I've read. I thoroughly enjoyed this story and I'd love to read on and find out whats happening at St Barts!
It's on my shelf no doubt! Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

This is really amazing and so full of life and action. I will back this with pleasure.

Tony
Life Bringer

I like the relationship between Verity Jasper. I' m still reading, but love the story line. I placed your book on my watchlist .

Terry,

What a great story with a great premise. It’s enjoyable and I would have loved it as a young adult. What young adult could resist a shape-shifting talking sword. Verity is a wonderful character and it’s a pleasure to follow her through the story. The language used really sets the time, place, and character.

Shelved with Pleasure.

Laurie – Into The Master’s Lair

Thought I'd backed this yonks ago. Oh well. I have now.

Well the note from Verity at the beginning was enough for me to know this was going to be a different.
Refreshing, original and amusing. Of course I read on and found this a delightful read.
With no great knowledge of the period in American history I just took it all on board as part of this wide-ranging fantasy. Your magical writing and creation of Verity are masterful and the whole thing knits together seamlessly. What an enjoyable while I have spent, immersed in this. Too good not to be backed. Margaret.

Chapter 1

Even though I got a bit of a kick out of it, I can't tell you how relieved I was that the narrative proper wasn't written in Verity's true dialect!

Boy, you throw us right into the thick of it, don't you? Excellent depiction of the sword fight. Fun and skillfully rendered. Your imagination is on full display here. In my opinion, you got (at least) two unique things going for you. The civil war setting (Ford's theatre, no less!) and the Raggedy-Ann tomboy female protagonist. The most magick hunted person on earth, huh? I almost don't need you to be injecting any fantasy elements into this story, but your writing is so good I reckon I could follow this story wherever it goes.

Bravo

Cheers

John

Such an awesome unique story! I am originally from the South so I love this kind of history! I skipped around and read some random chapters and I love where you are taking this, good job on creating something new and FRESH!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Terry, I was leaving Tim (Bonalibro) a message when I saw your face. Looked up your book and received a pleasent surprise...what a cracking read!!!!
Backed.

Civil War fantasy! Who would have thought it....well you obviously and I for one am very glad you did. This is fun, there's no other word for it, really good fun!

Hi Terry. It's Christmas day and I'm taking a few hours off from family frenzy to relax in Authonomy. I'm calmly and casually reading only the first chapters of a few books I've had on my watchlist (actually 8). Today only, I'll not comment further than, "I like it so far" for the books I read. If so, I'll back it and Merry Christmas...haha (or rather, 'ho ho'). If I don't like what I read I'll quietly be, well, quiet about it cause it's Christmas and today I'll utter no discouraging words (hehe).
Anyway, I liked yours. (Civil War fantasy. Well, that's certainly different) So, on my shelf with pleasure and the best of luck with it.

John Harold McCoy - Bramwell Valley

P.S. Before anyone has a fit, yes, this is a copy/paste since I'm saying the same thing for these few books I choose to back and nothing at all for those I don't.

Again, Merry Christmas and good luck

How did I miss this? - Shelved

Looking at some of the comments everyone has got here before me. Love the concept. Love the dialogue

Best of luck with this

John Booth (Shaddowdon)

The detail puts you right into the story. The beginning with the boy and girl playing, the dialogue between Ford and Booth, the information about the changing of Washington, the unfinished Capitol Dome, the Merrimac on the river. It puts the reader into the setting. You move expertly though developing Verity's character and her interaction with the world in which she lives. - even the detail about painting the floor to cover up the mark her friend made. All of this, however, pales when the sword begins to talk to her.

What a wild ride this is, I want to come back to this when I get a little time during the holiday season. This may be written for the YA market, but it certainly isn't restricted to YA. Hell, maybe I'm younger than I thought. Perhaps, this is a good time to use the Dylan line: "I was so much older then, but I'm younger than that now."

Dear Terry Kroenung,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I enjoyed both the humor and swordplay of your intro as well as the rat attack that I skipped to in chapter thirty-three. Pelican riders are better fantasy than dragon riders. Stealth knights are funny but that they’re Bonaparte’s Guard make them an instant menace. Great active verbs.

Bravo! Backed.

Best wishes,
Alan Marling

Brilliant stuff! Great entertaining story and likeable, authentic sounding main characters, speaking appropriate dialogue. I loved the narrator's note and comments such as: "the saucy heroine must always smirk at the villain..."; 'giving hen-pecked a whole new slant'; 'sounds like my granny complaining about her lumbago' - and so many more. I'm sure this will go very far, shelved (of course), Carolyn.

Brimstone and Lily...

Not my normal read, but I couldn't put it down. Love it, and can well understand why you're getting rave reviews.

Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Sheryl

Thank you for backing Chili con Carnality. I notice it's been almost a year since you commented on anything, so I guess I can't expect one either.