Legends Of Verra: The Ties That Bind

Mark

What can I say. Wonderful, wonderful stuff. The writing itself is worthy of a professional, which is what I suspect you will soon become.

I read up to the end of Chapter Three and only stopped out of needing to do other things. I will certainly be back to follow Ranku's journey.

Aside from the quality of your writing, which is economical and with not a word out of place, you add to the fantasy genre something that I feel it currently lacks - the ability to fill a story with story rather than page after page of nice but irrelevant description. Information is imparted with almost every word and without the reader being aware of it.

You have the gift and I for one would like to see you get the recognition you deserve.

I wish I could add some constructive criticism but in all honesty, if the remainder of your book is as good as the first three chapters, I think this is ready to publish.

Shelved without hesitation.

Sean (In Time's Shadow)

Mark,

Please accept my apology for just now getting you a comment about your book. I have had some medical issues that needed resolved, but now I am feeling great.

I really enjoyed your book. Your pitch sucked me right in. You must have been a mind reader to add that last line of your pitch, because I was indeed gripped from start to finish. Your action scenes were inspiring and I could easily visualize the scene taking place in my mind. For me that's important, because the story is ruined for me if I can't picture it in my head.

My youngest is turning 18 in a couple of months and when I finished reading this, I sat him down and had him read it too. He was hooked from the beginning just as I was. He is a great fan of fantasy books, games, movies, etc., and told me that he can't wait for the story to continue with the Legends of Verra. I agree.

With young adult fantasy being a big seller these days, I have no doubt that this book, when it is published, will be right up there among the favorites.

Best wishes
Mrs. Parker

In this absorbing book, Chapter 1 and Chapter 31, in particular, are full of lyrical beauty, but the story between moves quickly and energetically through action packed events. It is unusual, I find, for a writer to be able to include both these elements. There is great writing ability here, and the book carries us with it right from the start, with a grip which never lets go. Ranku is a fully developed character, and his various friends, as we meet them, are all well drawn. A book I've really enjoyed. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

I have jumped around from chapter to chapter, reading bits here and parts there. Never disappointed in the tangled web you weave which is plot, storyline, characters and dialogue.

Your knack for being able to write out action scenes that are griping and horrifying all at once is phenomenal.
And the creativeness it took to create this world in which Ranku lives is something to be admired.

First and foremost you have crafted one of the most tortured souls I have ever had the pleasure to read. From chapter one I was enamoured with Ranku and his fight, not only against his demon Benador, Master Cage, Gregor Rivaldi and Sh'ark, but also within himself. The battle which takes place inside him, his fight between what is right and wrong is truly what makes him an epic character. A character that quite possibly will go down in history for being the most wrought with inner turmoil ever written.

If I could only read two chapters for the rest of my life it would be chapter one and chapter 34.

In one hand you have them young, playful and still in love and in the other you have them ravaged and bloody, yet still so much in love. You capture their innocent love so well that even after Ranku kills hundreds he is still that boy on the ice, saving the girl he loves from the icy water, he is still the boy who loves her more than words can say.
And then you finish it off with one sweet final blow that leaves the readers completely satisfied.

Through the whole book you wonder, does he find his love again? and it is not until the final page, the final few paragraphs that you find out. You are such a fucking tease.

The idea of a love that trancends such horrific events is not only heartwrenching but beautiful and riveting.
And you write it so well, one has to wonder...
;)

This was a nice surprise, it is professionally written. You capture the feeling of love between to people succinctly. A moment’s madness and Nikola and Ranku almost loose their lives. We feel for him as he runs carrying her limp body tripping on objects hidden under the snow. This is written so visually we almost believe we can see it. This is true writing talent. I wish you luck with it.
Wilma1

Knowing Liam Riley – Please spend a moment to take a look

Did my comment and backing come through, Mark? Otherwise I will re-sent? I have had problems sending stuff!
Did you enjoy my book enough to back it?
Jerry [paperbat adventures]

Mark,
Legends of Verra: The Ties That Bind has an enthralling plot filled with suspense and intrigue. Backed.

Just love your writing style and your voice. Everything reads smooth and clear. The story pulls you right in and just doesn't let go. I've got things to do that I just kept putting off to read one more chapter than one more and just one more. There's not much I can tell that hasn't been told already in you wonderful 700 + commnets. I know this book will do excelent. If this hasn't been published yet then there's no hope in Hell for the rest of us. Anyhow, backed and backed again.

Mark,
Your pitch is enticing enough to warrant my interest. The story of Ranku's journey yields interest and promises unknown adventure; your language is crisp, at times very raw - perhaps, all designed to interject a certain temptation to lure your reader in.

In all, a well thought out story - clever and elusive at times with the manner you present Ranku.

Backed!

Rome
Directives for Murder
Beyond the Shadows

Beautifully done, well crafted characters with a pace that pulls you along the story effortlessly. I wish you the best of luck with it. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

This is great work. It needs some polishing, but the writing is effortless and clean. I was transported into the story, the dark mysterious wonder of it all. I read each chapter hoping to find out more. I stopped at chapter 14 only because my stomach growled!

This deserves to do well, it's one of the only books on this website I have backed out of sheer story telling talent. Ranku is a great name, and an intriguing character. It has a very 'The Last Samurai' feel to it, and the demon possesion and ultimate redemption seeking of a troubled man, is captivating. the undelining theme of endless love is a nice touch and hints at hope of happier times once the dark days are over.

Great story, good luck!

Backed.

Jodi
x-Evalesco-x

Incredible book with some amazing writing and flawless descriptions. I love everything about this but especially your flawless writing which makes you want to read on. Backed with pleasure.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Excellent, a liitle twist on the usual assassin story and engaging because of it. Solid characters that you can walk with and a story that sweeps you along. Well done.

With 750 comments before me, I don't think there is very much left for me to say other than the obvious: this is good. Very well done, and backed with pleasure.

Amy
Love Match

Backed with pleasure. What else can I say? Others have already explained it all.
M (Weekend Chimney Sweep)

Great cliff hanger in chapter one. I believe your characters and the plot is gripping. Natural dialogue is always a blessing, keeps the flow going. Well done.

D. J.

A very intricate web you weaved. You have a great voice, good plot, and use dialogue very effectively. Backed

Hope you will give mine a read, and if you like it as well as I liked yours, back it.
Best,
Robert
Golden Conspiracy

Brilliant.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Mark, your story brings the reader into a world of drama from the start. The tender love scene between Ranku and Nikola is sweet and we're right there experiencing it. Both characters are three dimensional, offer their spirits verbally and physically. The setting is clear and the story begins.

Chapter two is raw in contrast and completely unexpected. The gentleness of ch. 1 gives way to darkness and drama that grips the throat. Further, it leads to numerous questions that hook the reader into turning pages. Sentences fluctuate in length and delivery, a bonus. There's a rhythm within your writing, as well.

If you accept constructive comments, there are several you might consider. First, there's a jarring quality between chapter one and chapter two. It feels as if ch. 1 is backstory. It is out of context with ch. 2. If Nikola were to die, it is from exposure to the elements. Ranku, therefore, has no one to kill. There's nothing in ch. 1 that remotely suggests that there's trouble at home.

Second, if you go back and look at your sentences, you find there are way too many that start with "I" and most of those begin with "I know."

With the power of your prose, I hope you continue to hone your skills before you reach the Ed's desk. Best of luck with your writing! ~ Toby

This is an enjoyable read, Your writing style has a smooth flow to it. You set up Ranku well in the first chapter and continued on from there. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Your first chapter is incredible. What a way to lead us into the story, even though my time was limited, I couldn't keep myself from going to the next chapter to find out what happens. Your way of showing the love he feels for Nikola is beautiful.

'Three words will never explain what you mean to me' 'My soul had tender feelings...' These lines are priceless.

Very well done. Backed with 100% confidence that this will do well.

~Andrea, MARIPOSA

Your first chapter is incredible. What a way to lead us into the story, even though my time was limited, I couldn't keep myself from going to the next chapter to find out what happens. Your way of showing the love he feels for Nikola is beautiful.

'Three words will never explain what you mean to me' 'My soul had tender feelings...' These lines are priceless.

Very well done. Backed with 100% confidence that this will do well.

~Andrea, MARIPOSA

Terrific opener, Mark, with the romantic dialogue betwixt Ranku and Nikola! The reader is allowed to feel the depths of their affections for one another. This also serves to make the next sequence- the breaking of the ice- that much more dramatic! We want those two characters saved all the more! Brilliant job with the vivid imagery and descriptive terms used to convey the chilling water and near-drowning experience! Kudos on Legends of Verra: The Ties That Bind! Backed.

Teric Darken

(K - I - L - L FM 100 / U-TURN KiLLuR)

The opening chapter grabbed me, to say the least. What a contrast between the first two. The writing is so clear, and emotion is conveyed effectively without being too much - balanced distinctly defined scenes. I like your characters, and how quickly Ranku's developed depth. Backed.

Clear and precise language brings your story to life. It is interesting and compelling.

Definitely Backed!

-Raman Deol

Thanks for your story, Mark. Hope you'll read mine, He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not & my unedited version, Tell Me True Love Stories of He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not.
Please back my TWO books.Thanks, Susie :)

This story has a dramatic beginning with a near drowning. There's a danger with beginning a book with such an emotional scene because everything after than can then seem anticlimatic. But that doesn't happen here. The pace continues, mostly becasue Ranku is such a well throught through character. A good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Gripping from the very start. Your pitch is great and refelects the story. Very accomplished writing style, and I have no suggestions on how this could be improved. Backed. Colin

What a brilliant opening, your pitch conveys exactly what the story is gripping.
This is well written, I normally struggle with first person narrative, not with this one- Good luck

You've got great Dialogue, "Where's your sense of adventure,"
"I left it back in my other pants." Loved this line.
Your telling of the story is nicely done, I found the fact that She fell into the ice predictable, (although i'm sure u probably intended this) and in another book I woudn't have liked that. But the Atmosphere is so conflictingly chilling and romantic at the same time and the build up to the moment where the glass cracks is filled with such genuine intensity that it works.
But I think it was the second chapter that really drew me in, I loved the fact that you never resolved what happened between Ranku and his childhood love. I turned over and suddenly I see three unexpected words. Four years Later.. ha ha I thought, how dare you! even worse. Then I'm plunged into an even deeper mystery with his dark forboding master and his quest to become an Assassin leading him down what seems to be one hell of a dangerouse path. I personally love stuff where characters are put in not just physically difficult situations but mentally difficult situation. I love how he treads the line between good and evil and is only stopped from falling over the edge when he see's the barmans daughter. I also really liked the name Ranku. It's like one of those names like Aragorn. You say the name and you think of someone with hidden strength, someone of whom you know one day he will fulfill his full potential will be formidable in his own right.

I've started chapter three and shockingly am even more impressed, Demons and Godessess this is my type of book. Will definatly have to come back for more, meanwhile through I'll just back you.

Deloris Collins
Dark Souls

You've got great Dialogue, "Where's your sense of adventure,"
"I left it back in my other pants." Loved this line.
Your telling of the story is nicely done, I found the fact that She fell into the ice predictable, (although i'm sure u probably intended this) and in another book I woudn't have liked that. But the Atmosphere is so conflictingly chilling and romantic at the same time and the build up to the moment where the glass cracks is filled with such genuine intensity that it works.
But I think it was the second chapter that really drew me in, I loved the fact that you never resolved what happened between Ranku and his childhood love. I turned over and suddenly I see three unexpected words. Four years Later.. ha ha I thought, how dare you! even worse. Then I'm plunged into an even deeper mystery with his dark forboding master and his quest to become an Assassin leading him down what seems to be one hell of a dangerouse path. I personally love stuff where characters are put in not just physically difficult situations but mentally difficult situation. I love how he treads the line between good and evil and is only stopped from falling over the edge when he see's the barmans daughter. I also really liked the name Ranku. It's like one of those names like Aragorn. You say the name and you think of someone with hidden strength, someone of whom you know one day he will fulfill his full potential will be formidable in his own right.

This is truly a wonderful peice. The first chapter is simply beautiful. You get a real sense of Ranku in a happier time, a complete person. They you jump ahead 4 years and you find him broke, trying to put the peices together, struggling with his internal demons. You paint this picture so vividly and writing in first person brings an intimacy to the story. I am happy to back this and wish you the best of luck when it reaches the editors desk.

Tawn Anderson (Providence)

A story of strong contrasts here. It begins in a tender mood, two young people dancing on a frozen pond, one very much in love, the other tolerant of that affection. the ice breaks and they save each other from death.
Death then becomes the theme of the next chapter. The young hero is training to be an assasin and although he gives into the violence of his training, he still retains some morality and can't bring himself to be as ruthless as his master demands.
There are hints of a terrible event in the years between the first chapter and this one.
Ranku leaves his master for dead and embarks on a period of destruction, again death is the main theme of his life, but with the third chapter and the arrival of a possible companion there seems to be a purpose to all that has gone before.
The writing is good, full of detail and a dealing with the horrors in a way that chills, but doesn't revolt...except when the tatooed man ate the face, that was a very good cringe moment.
Backed.

Mark, this is lovely. I was swept up from the first sentence. You have a gift. I loved this and am completely without criticism.
Backed - of course.
Tracy
The Guardians

Mark, I've looked at your first chapter. Smooth writing. Good dialogue.

Backed.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

This is very compelling reading. Expertly crafted with wonderful characters. You've done a great job. Nothing to nit. All the best, Sana

Hey Mark,

I think you started this work of art out perfectly. In my mind, one of the best things an author can do is create an emotional attachment between the reader and the main character. Not always, but a lot of the time it is absolutely necessary to establish this connection--which is just what you did with your first chapter/part. You gave me a reason to care about Ranku, to root for him, and later to be saddened by his torment. Chapter two rolls out a darker tune, also adding a little intriguing mystery as to what--or who--happened to Ranku's family.

Your writing is very good, polished, smooth, flowing. I really appreciated the unique character of Blaze introduced early on, it's too easy for fantasy novels to get stacked full of hulking beastly warriors and ignore the small, sturdy little fellows.

All in all, a great fantasy read. I wish you the best as you continue your journey towards publication. Backed!

Warmest Regards,
Alexis A. Hunter
(The Five Staffs of Meledari)

'I'll never tell you I love you. My feelings are stronger than those words shall ever be.'

The above is a typical flourish - at once both profound and stylish - indicative of Mark Hagan's excellence. Ranku is a fabulous character, brought to life with panache and no little skill. The story is a gripping one, riven with good, dramatic things, and there's even the odd touch of much-needed humour here and there. Genuinely talented storytelling, with everything in its rightful place - fine, believable dialogue, memorable characters, interesting plotting and scenarios - all are present in this, surely the work of a future professional.

The author has shared his many gifts with us, and fully deserves the support of Authonomists new and old. Highly recommended. :)

This is a great story, full of imagination. The premise intrigued me right away, the failed, tormented assassin. The first chapter is deceptively charming, yet also appears to reveal a lot about Ranku with his stoicism. From the pitch, it's obvious things will get darker.

I jumped around a bit, and while the elements of the story look like they hold up, I was disappointed to see it in need of so much tidying. For example, the beginning of chapter 12 is very difficult to read with excess commas and some awkward tags. The story is strong enough that I might normally back it anyway, but when a book is ranked so highly, I hold it to a proportionately higher standard. If you do some edits and update, I would be happy to come back and look again.

Best of luck to you.

R.C. Lewis (Fingerprints)

Hi Professor!

Instead of reading your opening chapters, which I suspect everyone has pored over (I know my first 3 have had a work around!), I went to chapter 12 randomly. I enjoyed your writing, but I do think you should look over your comma usage. Commas are just my anal thing, so I watch myself very closely with them. There are a few that you could do without and it would make the sentences flow much more easily. IE:

"Good work," Piff congratulated Hulgar and I once he'd received his money.

That one sentence alone had 4 commas that were unneeded. I know this is nitpicky, but I did want to share it with you. Your writing is tight and the dialogue flows easily, which made this chapter fun to read. Do I understand the plot line at all? No...but I figured you'd benefit from someone going over a middle or late chapter rather than the first 3. Feel free to rake mine over the coals - I'd appreciate it. :)

I can see why you're high on the rankings. Your prose is fun and I will definitely go to the beginning of the book and read now. Backed.

Megan Curd
Bridger

Hey Mark,

First off, great pitch, book cover and title. They definitely convinced me to do a swap read with you.

I loved the quote "I moved to the melody of my soul." What poetic writing! If I might make a suggestion, not that this is a big deal as your writing is quite polished...I think the quote "her voice ceased, leading to a warm soft sigh" could be re-written as "her voice fell into a warm, soft sigh"...or "her voice gave way to a warm, soft sigh." Just little tidbits like that can make a girl, like me, go awwww.

You might also want to remove some of the colons in your writing..such as "Her touch: cold and pleasant." It kinda breaks up your poetic pace. Maybe change it to "her touch was cold and pleasant." But that's not a big deal either.

I love the premise of this novel. YAs will be able to relate to this story, as Nikola desires to explore the world, with the underlying objective to discover more about herself and form her identity. This should fly off the shelves.

Best of luck to you, happy to back!
Britney
(By Flame's Light)

Scarred and tormented assassin with a hidden romantic soft spot, what's not to love? You sucked me in with the prologue and I eagerly kept reading, and reading . . . and then it was morning. Like myself, you have a tendency to be a bit wordy at times, but it certainly didn't slow down my read any. you kept the pace moving nicely and the dialogue felt very natural. I'm going to make sure my son reads this one as I think it will be right up his alley. Shelved.

Sessha

Mark, this is not the best book I've read on authonomy but it is right up there - and it is certainly the best first chapter I have read on here. You produce some lovely descriptions that create an ambient mood. Super story telling with a nice plot and very interesting characters. I think you handle dialogue brilliantly - some of the most accomplished and smooth you'll see anywhere. The only thing to mention by way of slight revision is that sometimes, in a first person perspective, the use of 'I' can nonetheless become more noticeable than is ideal. I particularly noted chapter 9 for this tendency and it might be worth trying to re-work some of the sections where the 'I' density is high. But that really is minor, and its noticeability is really testament to effortless smoothness and flow of everything else in the work.

Tremendous effort - destined to make its mark. Be great to see this in print sooner rather than later!

Best Wishes

Alexander *The Wisdom Tree and the Dormouse*

That is some nightmare you have inflicted on your poor character. He's got a lot of complexity about him and I like that he's a hard-core whisky drinker. There is a strong thread of alienation and loneliness through this book, even back at the beginning, when he's with his love. I like that he has to find redemption himself, as well as carry on fighting. This is classic fantasy writing and I can see why it's done well here.
Annabelle

This is a great read, I was very impressed with the mature style of writing which you managed to exude. The exploration of character's amazing, this is a rare book where I felt I could relate with the the main character, being completely caught up with Ranku's emotions and his inner demons. I thought overall, this was very eloquent and concise; however, I did feel that the ending was slightly rushed and that perhaps the relationship between Ranku and Nikola was a bit premature, because they haven't really seen eachother for so long.

But with such an attention grabbing story line, I can assure you I'm simply being extremely picky.

Thank you so much for this piece of work.

The editing is clearly working. This is excellent writing, involving and gripping. Best of luck with it, you deserve it. Backed.

Targetted well at the YA market....
I do have to disagree strongly with Professor Iwik though.... sorry...
this book is far from crap.

Good writing, well paced, and a story that draws you in.

I will back you when Authonomy starts working right... so


BACKED

Targetted well at the YA market....
I do have to disagree strongly with Professor Iwik though.... sorry...
this book is far from crap.

Good writing, well paced, and a story that draws you in.

I will back you when Authonomy starts working right... so


BACKED

This is fucking crap.

Thank you so much. That is the most detailed comment i've ever had.

I think this is one the real hardcore fantasy readers will really enjoy.
There are a lot of them here on Authonomy so I suspect you will do well well on this site - A fact already shown by your top 20 placing. Good luck with the final push to the ed's desk.

With the tragic beginning, onto Ranku losing heart to become an assassin, you don't waste any time jumping into the adventure. Ranku is a classic tormented anti-hero. This story has action, it has emotion. You've laid a strong foundation for a series of books. Backed.
Rosalind Barden
American Witch

With the tragic beginning, onto Ranku losing heart to become an assassin, you don't waste any time jumping into the adventure. Ranku is a classic tormented anti-hero. This story has action, it has emotion. You've laid a strong foundation for a series of books. Backed.
Rosalind Barden
American Witch

With the tragic beginning, onto Ranku losing heart to become an assassin, you don't waste any time jumping into the adventure. Ranku is a classic tormented anti-hero. This story has action, it has emotion. You've laid a strong foundation for a series of books. Backed.
Rosalind Barden
American Witch

epic...
im backing for sure.
it would be interesting to know for what purpose those specific lives (in ch.2) were to be taken.

AR Latif
Desert Sun (if u could read a bit of it...)