Line 'em Up

I am at a loss to describe the talent displayed by the author of this work. I feel inadequate to comment on the value of this work in terms of profit potential in the marketplace. The western line-dance focus of the plot, the character development, the scenes, well--a Hollywood agent would give-up their parking spot and movie lot pass to represent this work. The Prologue is just the correct length and at the correct level of interest to move a reader into the first chapter. The comedy jumps-up in a subtle manner (spare key habit of excessive security concerns). Line dancing rules, ballet training, the last name of "Winchester" about as western as a rifle that "won the West," all develop the plot to the extent that a reader must hide their mirth if reading in public places. I have watched line-dancing many times. I even tried to learn some of the steps. This art form is just that--it's an art form as complex as they come. Oh, the storyline moves in so many directions that my only comment has to be concise: Wonderful. Backed. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

Backed with pleasure. Read through chapter thirteen, nearly on the floor I was laughing so hard. Did not expect to find a crime story that was so funny! There are lines in this manuscript that are hysterical. I had to drink my tea in cautious, tiny sips, for fear I'd spray the monitor at the next sentence!

Significant knowledge of country line dancing and American country and western clothing and music is evident, and used to full advantage here. For every main character in this story, I've met people who fit the type. Our family is involved in bluegrass, which crosses into country and we are often in Nashville and at bluegrass festivals. These people really exist! All of them!

Great lines are inserted throughout this story:

"...when in the first stage of labour, they realised Betty wasn't barren after all..."

"Fund raising was almost a full-time occupation for the dedicated few whose present aim was to do something about the corrugated tin roof which had been installed as a temporary measure in 1947."

The young constable gazed down upon the long black toe nails bursting through Mick Morley's hole-ridden socks.
"Do you think he should be shod Sir?'
"That's for the court of law to decide"

Regarding the standard male country musician who must wear his cowboy hat (and a lot of these guys are bald - Kenny Chesney, for instance) Marty Stuart & Travis Tritt did a tour in the early 1990s called the "No Hats Tour" YouTube video of one of the songs (complete with the country toned down version of the Country get up): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbB47M9pIFo

Highly recommended if you are looking for a good laugh -- this is a very well-crafted story!! I wish you all the success in the world with this one!

Sincerely,
Judy Adams
The Existence Game

Suzanne,
Your “Line ‘em Up” opens with a bank scene wherein three tellers practice their line dancing footwork, unbeknownst to the queue of patrons who await the opening of the bank. It’s a very clever bit – a funny way to introduce the obsession, the unrelenting lure this must have on your characters. (Being from the USA my brain is having a really hard time wrapping around the image of Brits, Dolly Parton, C&W music, and line dancing. Who knew?) I’m thoroughly enjoying your descriptive prose – Gina and her makeup and earrings, Bill checking his keys (laughing out loud at the furry phallus), and others. (Love that you spend way more time on Bill’s elaborate clothing than you did on Gina’s – now that’s a switch!)

Well, I’ve read enough to know this little gem belongs on my bookshelf. It has the homespun quality of Garrison Keillor’s “Lake Wobegon Days.” Either you live this lifestyle or you researched the hell out of it, because it’s just SO authentic.
Mary

In common with several other commentators I know just enough about the country & western scene (a friend runs an online C&W store selling imported US goods) for this meticulously detailed writing to ring absolutely true. The style is deliberate and to be savoured, the humour bleeds through the deadpan prose, the observation is pinpoint precise. The whole ensemble is absolutely compelling. I am not so much into whodunits either but most I have read have considerable difficulty staying in touch with any semblance of reality whatsoever. 'Line 'em up', on the other hand, seems painstakingly authentic. While the tempo could barely be slower as it fills the reader in on the background to each character, this is a surprising page-turner, even mesmeriser, which you feel has not only been studiously crafted but actually lived. It took me a bit of time to log each main character into my brain but that is exactly as it is participating in such activities and adds to the realism. There must be many line-dance fans up and down the country chortling into the small hours devouring this book and recognising their exact experiences. I am sure that these are people who would be brutal in dismissing anything which was even remotely sham in your evocation of their passtime and I am equally sure that you do nothing but enslave them with this delightfully precise and wittily observed book. As somebody else said, this would make for a must-watch TV series, opening up the strange rituals of line dancing in rickety village halls to the masses. In fact, it is so visual in its depiction that it is almost a TV series already. It should be read out loud to the family in the withdrawing room of an evening in the long-lost high Victorian manner. It is one of the few books that I have ever read which is first and foremost a group activity rather than a solitary respite. I am full of admiration.

Suzanne

Not my usual read, but your pitch and black comedy tag drew me in.
Now, I don’t even like C&W or line dancing, but please read on…

This is really original! Your prose is very fresh and easy on the eye. I blitzed through half of chapters you’ve uploaded with absolute pleasure. I think you’ve got a really great British humour going on here and the only thing I know that comes near to this is The Full Monty. But for me this is MUCH funnier.
I vote for Line ‘Em Up to be made into a film! Why don’t you write the script?

And the story is very strong and paced well. You paint extremely vivid scenes (always idiosyncratic) and portray interesting, quirky characters. In particular I like Gina, the protagonist, Jack and piece o’ piss Bill. Very nicely drawn indeed.

I applaud you for drawing me in and making me laugh out loud. I’ll confess it doesn’t happen too often, but I made up for some lost time reading L’EU. And I’m going to be popping back for more.
Bravo to you and your book. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can make people laugh as you’ve done for me.

Shelved with my best wishes,
David (Green Ore)

Suzanne,
I am very impressed with such an original and entertaining idea for a murder mystery. I love the tone of your narrative and the humour threaded throughout. Your descriptions are particularly creative - I love the way you describe Bill and Gina - what fabulously colourful characters and a wonderful backdrop for murder.
Starred and backed. I really enjoyed reading Line 'em Up.
Melissa
Lessons in the Dark

I really loved your prologue but you lost me a little with the extended descriptions in chapter one; we don't need to know everything straight away. I'll definitely come back and read more, though.

This is totally engrossing! I love the description of the main characters. I am backing you and giving you six stars. I can't wait to get back into it.

Sincerely,
D. S. Hale
Jessup and the Teleporter

This is totally engrossing! I love the description of the main characters. I am backing you and giving you six stars. I can't wait to get back into it.

Sincerely,
D. S. Hale
Jessup and the Teleporter

LINE ‘EM UP
This is a story both based on a good idea (line dancing) and a good group of characters. I liked the detail you use to describe your characters; ready let me feel I know these people. The beginning with the line dancing bank tellers was amusing (altho I don’t think tellers at my bank have chair; I’ll have to look next time I’m there. Either way, this is a good read. I’m adding it to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Suzanne,
I couldn't help but think of the Australian movie "Strictly Ballroom" as I read through your first chapter. You've set up a dancing enviornment much like this movie of ballroom dancing but with line dancing. I've been at line dancing in my area of Ohio. The costumes, rhinestones, and boots are meticulously described in your wonderful prose. Interesting people in this character driven novel. I love your diverse story lines. I've put you on my WL until I reshuffle soon.
All the best
David

It’s been on WL for ages and I've always enjoyed the opening, Suzanne, the line-dance steps going on beneath the counter. It’s a great visual image. It’s full of wit and inventiveness, the Lazy-T line dancing troupe, “god had been rather severe with Bill’s hair follicle destruction”. I like them all adopting c+w American names. And Butlins! Blackpool. I’m on home territory here too.

I like that Bill and Gina thought that leather goods they made, as opposed to those made by Chinese children, would sell, despite the inherent warning that they could pick up the lasts and tooling dirt cheap “as a result of the decline in the industry”, ie no one will buy something that someone else is paid a living wage to make. It’s so typical of a generation, and a strong character point, and it makes them quaint and likeable and old-fashioned.

By the end of two I was beginning to write down a myriad of interesting characters: 13 year old Tammy, Caroline and daughter Pamela, rather forward Ken and Rose,

The village hall description is terrific, and I can imagine the annoyance of being placed “on the join”.

Betty’s twirl in her tiered red taffeta skirt is a masterpiece, and the polo mint rescue excitement is well done. It’s got a lot going for it. Shelved and rated.

Line 'em Up is now published through Night Publishing and available on Amazon both Kindle and paperback also smashwords and Barnes & Noble. I should like to thank all Authonomites for their reviews, the vast majority of which have been amazingly positive and oh-so encouraging.
For sometime now I have been Tweeting daily extracts from my other work[s]. Currently THE ODD CHILD - a humorous memoir of my 1950's childhood. This will be followed by Semi Detached Suburbia - another black comedy farce - shenanigans and a drowning at a firms annual summer barbeque.

This is the only novel I could find on authonomy searching for 'dance' titles. Why not just call it Line Dance? I Googled it and I don't think it's been done. I read the opening with the staff practising their moves beneath the counter and I was hooked. I think there's a market for this, but I'm no publisher. Anyway five stars and a WL.

Your humor and description make this whole story. Loved the Michelin man comparison. And Len lost 175lbs from dancing? Sign me up! Like the whole stalking subplot! This is fresh, funny, and well-written. You've got a winner here! Good luck once you are published.
Dina of Halo of the Damned and The Last Degree

Read the first section of the first chapter. Man o' man you are good at descriptions! I could see Gina, Betty, Bill, and Jack from their hair (his long, balding ponytail) to their earrings (her medley of turquoise, etc.) What a great story you've got here-line dance teachers! Many years ago I dabbled with line dancing and can see that you've got the kinds of people who are serious about it down to a tee. Great writing. Will stay shelved and will soon finish the first chapter.
Dina of The Last Degree and Halo of the Damned

Dear Suzanne,
Fun. fun, fun.
My daughter got married this weekend, and guess what a lot of the evening was about? You got it! Line dancing. So it's interesting that the first book i pick up today is all about that, love it. I also love your character development and your ability to put the reader in the midst of what's going on in the story. I wish you continued success, and i hope my five stars help.:)
Maria
Dark of the Moon

Suzanne - Your book is as fun as line dancing. I had no idea there is a country and western line dance craze any place but Texas. Taking you off my watchlist and onto my shelf. Continued succes to you.
Marjorie Wilhelmsen
Exact Places

The prologue cracked me up. I could envision these ladies sitting in their chairs, doing the proper steps to their dance behind the counter. Nice, humorous visual to start us with. I'm not usually a fan of prologues, but this is to-the-point and effective.

Your writing is outstanding. This is polished and well-edited. Your sentences have a clear, clever, and sharp voice to them. This makes for an enjoyable read.

The strength of this is your characters. You spend a bit of time developing them, and by the end of the first chapter, I have a clear picture of who they are. The premise is also very unique. I can honestly say I've never read anything quite like it. And that's a good thing.

I love the humor in this. "...after becoming involved with the country and western scene, she decided to be known by something more impressive." "...a Wild West IKEA." And Bill's character is a hoot. His fascination with keys does a really good job showing his character. The clash between English culture and country western culture is hilarious, especially when the writing contradicts itself, using clearly British terms while the characters walk around acting and talking like cowboys. Nice contrast.

Suggestions: Is "softly" necessary in "softly hummed...?" Your writing is strong enough without it. Is "god" intentionally lower-case? "None-too-slight" should be hyphenated since it's three words serving as one adjective. Make sure you mix up you paragraph starters. You have three in a row that begin with "Claudine." Because you build your characters so well in the opening yet introduce so many of them, it slows the pace a bit. I wonder if you could trim some of the character descriptions when you introduce each new character? Instead, you can work more characterization into the action of the story and interactions between characters. Just a thought. My only other wonder is what's the plot?

While this isn't a book I would typically pick up, I enjoyed it! The writing is excellent, the humor spot on, and the characters well-developed. Highly rated!

I'm sure I'm not the first person to liken the opening to The Full Monty, great fun and very easy to picture. I read the prologue and first chapter and thought this was well-written and full of nice touches of humour. Country and Western is a fantastic setting for comedy. The characters are an amusing bunch, Bill's key obsession a nice foible, the hair and the cruel moulding of offspring into C & W clones. There is a risk of creating cliched characters but I think you avoided this with clever variations of personality. If I'm honest, some of the descriptions were a bit on the long side for my taste. A very enjoyable read, well-starred and on my WL for further reading. Hope this goes well for you and good luck.

Hi Suzanne,

This is hilarious. It reminds me a little bit of....me! I think we have kind of s shared comic sensibility. I know absolutely nothing of this world, nor do I have any interest in it. Nonethless, I am absolutely hooked. I have no suggestions, for improvement and will give it a very rare six stars. Watch listing for now,as my shelf is committed for a while, but hope to back soon.

And thanks again for backing Animal Cracker!

Andi

Oh, Suzanne, this is as addictive as line-dancing... Did I just say that? The movie of this will probably be flown to Texas, but not before someone like Mike Leigh makes it in good ol England. The characterizations are just great, truly. What a mix, from horsey Caroline and and *Lady* Pamela, to the likes of Betty and brood, Wild Bill with his alligator boots, to Sheila coping with mad-dog Len. And we have a body... a "Bad do," indeed.

It could be there's a mite too much descriptive *telling* - the places, backstories, but you know, the way you tell 'em kills any thoughts of such crimes stone cold dead. You've got a wicked eye and an even deadlier ear.

Highly starred and backed faster than Wild Bill can shoot the spot off an Ace of Diamonds with his Winchester...

From Kay with love
(Waystation to Prosperity Street)

Line 'em Up is a clever mystery that is quite fun to read. I had no idea that line dancing was so popular in the UK. I thought it was confined to the American Southwest. But author Suzanne Adams takes us into this thriving community of quirky instructors and those who follow them. In fact, the book could have focused on this eclectic group of well-crafted characters and their interactions with each other, and I would have been happy without even adding the mystery element.

The murder is quite a surprise in this unusual setting. But it is handled well. Readers are given clues as to what happened and why, but are never really sure who did it. In fact, this is a perfect way to construct a mystery, with strong characters being introduced first, and the murder coming later.

The descriptions of the people and the setting are quite strong. Dialog between characters is also well done, with everyone speaking appropriately based on their ages, social status and mood. Never once was I drawn out of the process of imagining the world as it unfolded.

Given the strong writing and popular setting, I see no reason why Line ‘em Up could not be published in its current form and achieve success with a devoted following.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

Great characters - great fun. Your observation is spot on. It needs a bit of an edit (eg tutted, not tut-ted) but nothing a good read through won't put right. Dialogue excellent - really shows the characters and I can just see them speaking. Read the first 2, will WL and read more. Vall (Midwyf)

Suzanne,

I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and half:

The narrative is very bouncy, filled with expressive effects, some post modern (see below) which gives the whole thing a "cool" effect.

Add to that a knack for ruthless efficiency when describing and a naturalistic dialogue, with punchy one liners thrown here and there

....and what you get...

.....is a delight

Some of my favorites:

"viewed from the customer angle...
Bravo, this is very post modern...why?
because you are using the reader as a camera's eye

"six feet stomped......
very nice, I would do some line spacing here, the spacing's imitating the tap's pauses
that way, you create a "mental tap" in the reader's mind

"the security lock...."
I would stop the sequence with the sound of the security lock, for the same reason

if you need a reference google "sound poetry" and see how they do it

"was on terra-firma"

Some Minor/Minorest/Minormost points:

"vibrant fun fur" "adorning the back" "frizzy mass" "elaborately padded"
I would also cut a bit on the modifiers
why?
because as Updike said: "the modern reader can fill in the blanks"

Let me know if that helps,

Overall, wonderful

david

Hi Suzanne. I understand the line-dance obsession. My wife and I recently tried it and got hoked. A great move to take something popular and build a story around it.

Only read a couple of chapters so far but it reads well. You have a good delivery and don't try to overwhelm your readers. Good start - well done.

If you have a chance, please take a look at a chapter or two of my book, A PLACE IN LIFE. I'd be interested in your first impression.

Thanks and good luck with your book.

Old Bob
A PLACE IN LIFE

The set up here is really good. When I was a student I used to work in a supermarket next door to a hall where line dancing took place so I'd be greeted at the end of my shift by the ridiculous spectacle of working class Scottish people in stetsons, cowboy boots and rhinestone shirts filing into a masonic hall. I can very much appreciate the bitzareness and incongruity of line dancing in Britain.

The prologue is a nice little set piece and seems very much like the opening scene of a film. You know you're in for comedy from the off. And you certainly don't dissappoint. There's a dry, sardonic quality to the characterisation and desciption - 'furry phallus' was a standout in chapter 1.

I read 6 chapters and found Line Em Up an easy and enjoyable read. The only negative which stood out was that I felt there was a little too much descrption of each character in chapter one and in a way that became a little repetitive. Not a major issue overall though.

All the best with this,

Ross

I like the general background idea that this all happens in a community of line dancers: it's funny and (I think) original, and vividly realised. You know what you are talking about (rather frightening when one thinks about it). Your command of English is very good and you recognise that your characters have got to be fleshed out with description and backstory, and again this is well done to the extent that they are all easily visualised and engaging.

I have a problem with the opening in that it is essentially confined to introducing a large cast of characters using the same method of description followed by backstory rather than the alternative of allowing us to see them emerge from their interactions with each other and the action of the plot. There is an adage "Show, don't tell" i.e. if someone is angry, don't tell me he's an angry person, let me see him lose his rag, The opening does too much telling and not enough showing and that means it kicks off at a pace that is comparatively slow and does not reveal the "hook" that is going to draw us into the plot. I mention this because a weakness in the opening is where a good book can lose potential readers, and that would be a pity in your case. I would be inclined to lead the reader immediately into a scene of strong intrinsic interest involving people and a conversation and a bit of action ending in some dort of hook. I would hang the characterisation and backstory on this framework as the characters engage with each other. As to the backstory, you don't have to reveal it all immediately, only so much as is necessary to follow the action at the time and visualise he characters.

I hope these comments help.

Good luck

Jim

Your description is right on the mark. Country Western or Kicker dancing is a unique unto itself. You use such a rich vocabulary to describe the humorous relationships of those involved. I loved your fresh idea for a plot line. It's on my watchlist and rated very high. Keep up the great work!

-Judith B. Shields

Suzanne, this is one of the most intriguing books I've read. You help us to immerse in the background, atmosphere, and characters, however eccentric! And what more conducive to the sense of shock that awaits us than the total self-absorption of such a community!
W.Listed and high-rated.
David Grant
"Pompey Chimes"

Hi Suzanne

Wow!
This is really so funny I had a stitch in my side while I was reading.
This is so clever in the amount of people this will appeal to, you will have Country and western fans, line dancing fans, murder mystery fans, people who just want a really good read and I'm sure there will be more I have missed.
Brilliant.
Your characters are so well described that I am sure that anyone reading this will say that they resemble someone who is like at least one, if not more.
Backed with pleasure.
Sarah. T-cup and the Dream Team Fairies

Geat fun this. The line dancing class takes place in a 'Vicar of Dibley' version of England. There are lots of stereotypes but the author invites us to mock and embrace them simultaneously. The opening scene brought back memories of the wonderful 'Full Monty' when we witnessed some impromptu dancing in a line at a social security office. Sheila one of the bank teller dancers falls victim to Len, a mum-dominated stalker who nicks her underwear and becomes the first suspect of the police investigation when bodies of lady line dancers start turning up around the community. Its Midsomer.. crossed with Strictly.. this but with more wry humour. I loved the detail of the eccentric costumes, the obscure music, loud Betty calling the dancesteps and her huusband Jack, getting sozzled and eating Kiplings fruit pies. The social commentary is at times very sharp but there may be just a few too many characters on stage in this. I would concentrate even more on Betty who calls out 'I think they've got it.' when the line dancers get a few steps right in the way Rex Harrison celebrated Audrey Hepburns suddenly improved pronunciation in 'My Fair Lady'. Jack who comes to an unfortunate end is a great character and Bill, Gina, Sheila, Len Morris and the various kids are all well drawn. A few of the lesser characters could perhaps be dropped. One of the bodies is noted to be similar to the actress Alison Steadman (She would be great in the film version of this - probably best as Betty I think) 'Sweet Jesus! what's with these people? says one of the coppers, half way through 'Can't they just dance with each other? Another body has just turned up. Its a great line in a very funny book.

FOR BLUEBOYS INFORMATION AND ANYONE ELSE WHO TRIES TO 'CORRECT' SLEWED TO SLOWED - I DO MEAN S-L-E-W-E-D!

A miniature Dolly swung erratically from the rear view mirror as Here You Come Again belted from the car stereo. As it “slowed” to halt, the red Escort scatters loose gravel at Village Hall. The occupants, Bill, Gina and their kids, climbed out of the car.

“Slowed,” for “slewed?”


You have a great narrative but your flow and syllable count is consisitently off. Remember, flow is everything.
Avoid cramming too many details into one long sentence. If you have a lot of importants details that must go into the narrative, then that is fine--but take the time to weave them in artfully. Two or three smooth lines is better than one long one that reads chopped full of extra syllables. Be descerning as to what is really needed and when. ask yourself are these details intrinsic to the story? even the detials that are very important may not be needed at that exact moment you think of them.

For example, is it really importnt later in the story tha the car is red, or an Escort? If not they is a minor details. You never want to force important detials at the expense of flow, much less trivial ones. If a detials is going to be very imporant later in the story, then ask yourself is it important "now," or it something that can wait... something I can be slipped in somewhere over the the next few sentences or so? add details only where you can do so fluidly and this will shine. there are three imporant parts to a book: flow, flow, and the story. place fluidly above all else. a choppy prose can bury the narrative.

Avoid repeating yourself also . Like "the ford's occupants." the reader already knows its a Ford, no need to say it again and the expense of flow.

my main feedback is just editing for flow and economy of expression. you astory is storg and interesting, and is able to pull the reader along. great all around job.



blueboy

A miniature Dolly swung erratically from the rear view mirror as Here You Come Again belted from the car stereo. As it “slowed” to halt, the red Escort scatters loose gravel at Village Hall. The occupants, Bill, Gina and their kids, climbed out of the car.

“Slowed,” for “slewed?”


You have a great narrative but your flow and syllable count is consisitently off. Remember, flow is everything.
the other detials if very imporatnt should woven in artfully. Don't cram the details in at the expense of flow. Two or three metered lines is better than one long that reads choppy. I'm at the library and almost aout of time, may have to get another competer as someone is waitng for he one i am on, but i will finished soon. wonderful story so far.

bb

I really like this - you write with a light touch and great attention to detail. Maybe a bit too much backstory when you tell us of the leather workshop etc, and past history of the area, but overall, nice pacing. Chapter One is a bit too long - could it do with a little editing to shorten it? Good characters, nice settings and dialogue. Good touches of humour throughout. Well done. Cheers! -Liz (Meggie Blackthorn)

Now I remember why I liked Line em Up so much - it's a quirky, vividly written book with a cast of characters that intrigue, amuse, baffle, and always entertain. In the opening, seeing those two bank tellers doing their secret steps as the bank prepares to open really captured the spirit and nature of this story. The first chapter is rich with the introduction of unique characters, written with dry humor and cutting insight. The narrative is smooth, detailed, and the pace is just right, but the magic of the story is clearly in the cast. Great style to introduce Jack and Betty (and the daunting child) through the viewpoint (and biting humor) of Caroline and Pamela. The scene unfolds like a quiet riot - crazy flashes and judgments from the bandana on Claudine's knee, to Betty's once-white shirt not hiding her girth, What you did in the first chapter was a different kind of hook - and that hook is similar to what the girls experienced in their first line-dance class. Come back? Of course we'll come back. This stuff is too good to miss.

Lizzi
(Out of Sync)

So much for a few days :-) started tonight, loving it! Simply backed.

jim

Hi Suzanne, thank you for backing LONDON. Placing yours on my WL...will read in a few days.

blessings,
jim

As an American I love what to me seems an unexpected juxtaposition of England and a thriving C&W/Line Dancing Scene. The first scene really grabbed me and was very well paced. What I would have liked in the rest of the chapter was a similar sense of being shown things instead of told about them, as the immediacy of the prologue gave way to a very long stretches of back story and more characters than I could keep track of.

That said, the attention you give to the clothing, cars, and surroundings does well in putting the reader into the world you present, and you do have some awfully clever prose tucked in to keep the reader amused. Your character descriptions were also very effective. I wish you all the best with this interesting read. Rated.

-cc

Hi Suzanne

A very enjoyable - and highly original read. You have certainly succeeded to in bringing the world of line dancing alive! Your characters are incredibly vivid and a delight to read about. However, I did think at times that there was a little too much description about the clothing - especially the children's - and thought that the seven paragraphs used to describe the village hall was excessive and could also do with a thorough editing as it delayed the action. However, these are minor quibbles and just my opinion. I sincerely hope it does well and I echo the previous reviewer who commented that this very visual story would make an excellent film. The best of luck with it. Susanna.

suzanne, line em' up is amazing -- you created a whole country western world out of the british -- i woulda thought i was reading charaters placed in texas at first until i hit the word "queued" then i knew where i was -- really funny -- you've got a fine, snappy, style just right for the story -- hilarious prologue roped me right in there like a steer. starred, and watch-listed and back when there's a space kx (ps thx so much for backing my book)

Attention to detail is what brings this to the fore for me. The characters are described superbly, each with their own unique, yet common, traits. The village hall is exactly how I remember the one in the village where I myself grew up - the same lack of investment, yet cosy feel to it. Oh, and the "good ladies of the WI". Some great hooks in here to, keeping the reader intersted. Colin

This is brilliantly written. Albeit Country and Western it is like nothing I've ever read. The pace of the story flows well. The narrative well written and consise. The dialogue is realistic. Your characters are colourful and complex yet interesting. To the best of my knowledge this is a good read indeed and I back it for its merit.
Pamela 'THE OUTRAGE'

Dear Suzanne,

You have a fantastic read here, well crafted and written. Powerful opening layered with entertainment grill. Your characters are vividly elaborated and well described. Authentic voice and style. Based on what I read in the first two chapters, it well informed the blurb is gearing and unfolding to a potential sell out novel. I supposed you to be seen as the right words painter. Your choice of words and blends are exhalatingly fantastic. A very entertaining kind of tale that cut across all genre. Will continue. Wish you all the best.

This is very well written. I chose Chapter 10 at random. I loved the "self-satisfied foursome" :)

LINE ÉM UP
Dear Suzanne,
I've just returned from holiday in Turkey and I now have fond memories of some of my friends line dancing in Fethiye of all places!
The book: this is so funny! Lots of little comments dropped in here and there - I love the way the characters change their common-place names to those sounding more American, and Hickok's furry phallus, well!
The plot skips along at a great pace and develops very well. Your characters are brilliantly described, as is their dress. The scenes are aso believable, vivid and fresh. Black comedy at its best and British to boot.
Overall well written, with some great characters and excellent descriptions, and a good plot- pefect for a successful book. Happy to back this.
Faith
THE ASSASSINS VILLAGE

A very entertaining and well written book. I love your characters and the life style you write about. Great dialogue and great plot.
All the best
Rachael
Dreamscape

Hi Suzanne

Yours is a tremendously authentic beautifully observed slice of contemporary British life. I like the humour and the subtlety of the characterisation. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

Hi Suzanne, love the short, powerful sentences and the subtle yet lurking menace. great storyline--the dancing tie-in--and fine sly humour.
happily on my shelf.
well, when i like something i try to pass on some valid critique. sorry, nothing here ;)
not a quibble.
best wishes, andy

I found the intro amusing (the ironic coincidence followed by "for mothers and daughters, especially mine" LOL)

The first thing that jarred me was hose POV this was. I thought it was Caroline, and was already starting to like her just from that opening paragraph. Then we have three other people inside the bank, where I presume Caroline wouldn't know what they were doing or what their names were. Also, are tellers seated where you are from? this is just a curiosity as ours stand behind the window. I like the comedy idea of the line dancing behind the counter.

the whole idea is interesting... Jane tapping the other girls thighs is interesting as well.

This has a good feel for satire, so far as what I've read in the prologue.

Great descriptions in chapter 1--pear shaped with doughy complexion*** My favorite of all was Betty though. She seems to have a very carefree personality and I like her. For some reason I see Novalee Nation from Where the Heart is (played by Stoackard Channing) when I think of what Betty is like.

All in all, a very good set up in the prologue and first chapter. Love the characters and this seems to be a great story unfolding here.

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

I loved the humour which you do so well. The characters and dialogue seem natural and not contrived and your great imagination and talent for putting it into words will stay with me.
Jane

Hi Suzanne,
You have a lot of very visual description here. I loved your opening image of the bank workers dancing behind the counter. Backed.
Lucy

Well, or perhaps well, well ... I'm sure there's nothing alse quite like this on Authonomy.
I have personally never taken part in, or even observed Country and Western Dancing, and after this I'm quite certain that I intend to keep it that way; after all, after reading this it could only be a disappointment. But if this is ever filmed, I shall certainly want to see it.
RT

A great piece of writing. Very well constructed and just enough tongue in cheek humour to keep the pages ( or screen anyway) turning. Excellent characterisation with plenty of well observed detail.
Thoroughly backed

Best wishes
Paul