Book Jacket

 

rank 382
word count 13672
date submitted 31.01.2009
date updated 30.01.2011
genres: Fiction, Romance, Historical Fictio...
classification: moderate
incomplete

Artemis Rising

Cheri Lasota

Caught between Pagan and Catholic worlds, Eva must choose her own truth or risk the loss of her faith and her love.

 

Torn between her father's Catholicism and her mother's Pagan beliefs, Eva finally chooses Paganism. She accepts the name of Arethusa but learns too late that her life will mirror the Greek nymph's tragic fate. When they sail to the Azores Islands, her mother tells her that the fulfillment of her destiny rests with Diogo, the shipowner's son. But Eva sees a vision of another ... When the ship founders off the Azores, Tristan, a young Azorean, saves her. Destined to be with Diogo and aching for Tristan's forbidden love, Eva must somehow choose between them, or fate will soon choose for her.

"From the fragile candlelit drama of your opening chapter, through the rocking darkness of the ship's claustrophobic corridors, to the clinical grey light of the orphanage, this book creates a sometimes-pensive, sometimes-terrifying and often-poignant atmosphere." -- Alexandra Riley

Artemis Rising is a YA historical romance set in the late 19th century. Any publisher inquiries can be sent to my agent, Bernadette Baker-Baughman at bbaker (at) victoriasanders (dot) com. See the book trailer here for a visual pitch: http://www.youtube.com/stirlingeditor

 
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tags

historical fantasy, irish legend, mythology, pagan vs. christian, romance, tristan and isolde

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I: DAUGHTER OF THE MOON

24 August 1893

 

Arethusa. The water-bearer. This is to be my new name. Is the name a curse or a blessing? Perhaps neither. Perhaps my mother has merely destined me for a love of watery things. It is true. The sea is in my blood, slipping quicksilver through my veins. And the Moon Goddess is to be my mistress. No more Eva now. No more a daughter of God.

Strange how our names become our fate. No matter my fate, given a choice, still I would choose that name: Arethusa, nymph of the old world, daughter of the moon.

Eva’s fingers shook as she held the match to the candlewick. The chill night air seeped through her thin shift. Even in deep summer, Massachusetts still clung to the remnants of spring when the sun sank below the foothills. But it was not the wind that gave her shivers.

“Calm down,” Mãe said, laying her hand over Eva’s to still them. “Your Pai will be gone for hours yet and Artemis will rise soon enough.”

Eva held the match closer to the candlewick. The wind snatched out the flame with a huff. Again, her hand trembled when she drew out another match, and she hated that her mother saw it.

With the changing of her name, she would deny her father’s faith and embrace her mother’s. A simple choice. And a dangerous one. A pagan in a Catholic world had need of secrecy, and courage. But for her it was more than a question of faith. Her namesake was a nymph devoted to Artemis, Goddess of the Moon. A nymph who had a story, a life, a life that would now become hers.

From beginning to end, she knew what her fate would be. But it was not the Catholic fate of heaven or hell. No, it was a kind of immortality. A deathless death. And she feared this most of all. In fulfilling her destiny would she cease to exist? Would the essence of her soul be lost?

For many years she had known this day was coming, known it as she had known the exact shade of blue in her eyes, the precise shape of her fingertips. And despite her fleeting doubts, she knew she would not hesitate when it came time to give her promise. It was not in her nature to falter. And she dared not falter now.

Mãe laid the matches next to the other items on the makeshift altar, a boulder hidden in a copse behind the farmhouse, and took up Eva’s hands in hers. Her mother’s hands were warm despite the sharp coil of the night winds.

“What is it?” Mãe’s sharp eyes penetrated hers even in the murky hour before moonrise. “When you come before Artemis, you cannot doubt her.”

She knows me so well. Eva glanced down at their clasped hands, unable to look at her mother. “You’ll leave me here. And I’ll be left to wait alone.”

“Yes. I will be gone but not lost. You’ll find me in your visions, in the scrying bowl. I won’t be far.” Mãe gave her a tiny smile out of the corner of her mouth. “It was the same for me. The Goddess took my mother early on. Your grandmother told me the stories, raised me up in her beliefs. When she was taken, I had no one to guide me. I had only myself. But you have to stay strong. There are few in the world who follow Artemis, and none that I know of among the Azoreans.”

Eva considered this. “What will it feel like when I make my vow?”

“It will be a mind-change. You think that you understand, that you believe. But when you give your promise, your belief will be just the beginning. The world will look different. You will see with new eyes.”

“I’m not sure—”

Mãe stopped her with a squeeze of the hand. “Take your vow, Eva. Take your new name. Your fear will pass into understanding.”

This was some comfort. The doubt in her heart seemed to bend now, allowing her space to breathe and think and let go. She did breathe then, deep and full.

Eva struck a new match. The spark kindled a bit of hope in her heart as she lit the candle. Yes, she would take her name, her vow. She would accept and follow.

She felt Mãe’s hand on her shoulder.

“Look.”

Eva glanced up. Though she hadn’t broken the tree line yet, the Goddess had already fired the tops of the distant maples and pines with the spindly orange flames of her moonlight.

“Artemis is rising,” Eva whispered.

“It’s time,” Mãe said, bowing her head. “Close your eyes, and fix your thoughts on her light as it fills the circle, as it fills the moonstone, giving it power.”

With her eyes shut tight, Eva’s other senses were heightened. She smelled the warm smoke of the candle flame, touched the grit of the boulder’s rough surface. She imagined Artemis’s light descending on their small circle like a cataract. She watched in her mind’s eye as it poured into the moonstone, her mother’s amulet of protection. And behind her closed lids, she felt the Goddess touch her face with a pale glow. How could she have ever doubted? She need only to turn her face to this palpable light and let go of her fear. And she did so, knowing that within this circle she was safe, she was home.

A touch on her arm.

“Do you hear that?” Mãe whispered.

A rustling in the corn stalks came from the direction of the farmhouse. Eva’s breath came quick.

Pai.

No, her father would be in New Bedford for hours yet, burying another day at the shipyard in a pint of beer.

“It’s nothing. Just a vole or a red fox,” Eva reassured her.

“No, querida,” Mãe said, glancing toward the corn stalks. “It’s him.”

“Mãe, he wouldn’t be—” Eva began, and then she heard them. Footsteps. Through the garden. The dull thump-thump of heavy boots resounded in the soil.

The candlelight was dim, but it couldn’t mask the fear passing over her mother’s tense face. Eva prayed for the Goddess to surround her mother with protection. She knew Pai had long held his suspicions, but when he saw the candle-lit circle and the ritual objects of incense, rose, water, moonstone, and salt, when he saw them kneeling before the moon in the deep of night—he would know beyond doubt that the rumors were true.

“Stay quiet, querida,” Mãe whispered. “Promise me. No matter what happens, you’ll not interfere.”

Eva shook her head, tried to speak, tried to tell her mother that she would somehow protect her, but her tongue felt like lead. She froze, knowing she had nowhere to hide, no way to run. The familiar fear made her mouth go dry and her breath come in hollow bursts, as if her ribcage would fall right through her chest. She gripped her mother’s hand, her panic rising to a fever pitch.

Her father burst through the last of the garden’s corn stalks. Eva jumped to her feet instinctively. She smelled the workday sweat on his body as he advanced. The rising shadow at his back threw his thick muscles into relief against the corn stalks. The moonlight encased him in silver, but the candlelight exposed the horror in his eyes and the saddle latigo swinging at his side. When his wild gaze swept the circle, a flash of fear crossed his face, but his anger would master him soon, Eva knew. It always did.

“A witch.” His voice cracked as the word filled his mouth. “A witch!”

For a long moment, her mother kept her father’s eyes locked in a withering glare.

“All this time. A pagan. Is that why your father gave you to me? So he wouldn’t have to live with the shame?” He shook his head, balled his fists, closed his eyes, and breathed in heavy gasps. When he opened his eyes again, the horror had passed into accusation. “Why? Is it just to spite me? I would have loved you, Maria. I would have—” He broke off into a groan of frustration, pacing like a caged animal.

It was then that he noticed Eva. “You poisoned my daughter with this”—he stepped back, jabbed a finger in the air at the circle—“this witchcraft. The priests will excommunicate her. The people will shun her. You would sentence your own flesh and blood to hell?”

Mãe said nothing, only stared at him, unblinking. But Eva listened to his words. The words hell and excommunicate hung thick in the smoky air of Artemis’s circle, reminding her again of her buried doubts.

“Get up, witch,” Pai said to her mother, his voice low like the growl of a dog. When she did not, he touched the latigo at his belt loop. Eva’s breath caught as she eyed the wide leather strap. He cracked it against his leg. “I’ll not say it again.”

Still, Mãe did not move.

He narrowed his eyes and stamped around the circle, taking care not to step inside the light. “I’ll not harbor a witch in my house. And you won’t be making one of my child. You’ll sail with me to Terceira, Maria. Do you hear me? You’ll sail, but you won’t be coming back. Eva will stay with me here. She will be a Catholic, Maria. Do you hear?”

When his voice rose with the last words, her mother’s eyes flared with fury. Yet when she spoke, every word was slow and deliberate.

“I curse you, Eduardo Maré. I curse you if these are the last words I ever utter.”

Shock made him stagger back, and he crossed himself.

“Take my daughter from me, and you’ll not live out the year. I swear it by the Goddess. I swear it on my own life.”

At this, her father’s rage twisted to madness. He fumbled for the latigo at his waist and lunged across the circle for Mãe. He pushed her up against the altar, knocking over the bowls of salt and water, sticking the rose’s thorns deep into her elbow.

Her mother cried out, as much in surprise as anger.

Eva saw the pain, the humiliation crossing her mother’s face. And she remembered her mother’s words. You will not interfere.

She wanted to say, And if he kills you, Mãe, what then? No, she would not—could not—stand by and watch. Eva stretched out a hand to grasp the latigo as he reached back to strike. The strap pulled tight, jerking Eva off her feet.

Pai leaned back, caught off-guard. He did not seem to see her at first. It was as if he and her mother always had an unspoken rule that she should not come between them. And she never had. Until now.

When his eyes cleared, she saw the workings of his mind playing out on his face. He saw her now as he saw her mother: pagan, other, to be feared, to be punished.

Without a word, he made a fist and hit her across the cheek. She saw a flash of light in a whirl of darkness, and when next she could see and feel she was staring up at him from the dirt, ears ringing, his image blurring into two. The fire of pain swept over the left side of her face, and the realization of her father’s violence overtook her in an uncontrollable shiver.

“You are no daughter of mine.”

She had never known true hatred for him until this moment. The revulsion that wracked her was mirrored in his eyes. He gripped the leather strap until his fingers shook. “Witch,” he said, and he spat out the word like a curse.

Then Pai turned back to her mother and showed her the meaning of obedience.

* * *

The hollow tang-tang of the ship’s bell marked the hour of nine. But nothing could drown out the deafening click of the tumblers as Pai turned the key in the stateroom’s lock. At the sound, Eva saw her mother flinch.

She crossed the cramped length of the stateroom to where Mãe stood by the tiny berth.

“He destroys everything,” her mother said, her blue eyes hollow with detached rage.

Eva touched her mother’s sleeve and felt a tremor. The arms that had fought him were tender still.

Mãe pulled away. “It’s over now. This was your last chance. Without the stone, we cannot finish the moon rite.” Out of old habit, Mãe reached for the moonstone that she had always kept on a chain around her neck. But Pai had it now.

Eva would steal it back from him. The moonstone was valuable. He would not take it out on deck. He would lock it up in his room. And if she could just get out of here . . .

“Maybe I can take it back from him,” Eva said.

But her mother wasn’t listening. “I will leave him,” she said, her voice hoarse with conviction. “I don’t care. As soon as we get there. As soon as we drop anchor—”

“Yes,” Eva said. “We’re almost there.”

She turned away from her mother and stared hard out to sea, determined to focus on the porthole before her, the tiny window that gazed like a lantern eye on a world she could not touch.

The Azores Islands lay in wait. Before dawn the clipper Sea Nymph would drop anchor in the deep waters that lay aside Angra do Heroísmo, Terceira Island’s finest city. Eva wiped the moisture from the porthole’s thick glass. The Sea Nymph still sliced smooth chasms through the Atlantic waves, her wood creaking at soothing intervals in the stiff breeze. The storm that had chased them all day still threatened from the west, gaining on the old clipper ship with every nautical mile.

Why couldn’t she be up on deck, touching that swift wind with her own hands? She longed for the freedom of the deck, wanting to hear the clear bells of the watches, the sanding scratch of the holystones on the planks, the rhythm of the sea. She’d have more strength of will if she could face this night head-on, without a barrier of glass and wood between her and the Goddess, between her and the sea. In New Bedford, Eva knew only earth and cows and the cloistered world of sheltered ladies: home, church, market, and back again. Here she could taste the sea in her mouth and feel it cradle her from below.

Eva ran a hand over her face, anxiety itching through her like a pox. Everything was against them. Without the moonstone they could not complete the ceremony. And if the storm caught the ship, Artemis would be hidden behind clouds and rain. And if Pai came back to find them lighting the candles again . . .

“If the storm blocks out the moon, can we complete the ceremony?” she asked. Eva didn’t think Mãe had heard her. When she opened her mouth to repeat the question, her mother’s eyes darted up at last.

“No,” Mãe said, resignation softening her tone.

Eva caught the low hum of voices out in the Great Cabin. It was Diogo and his father, Marquez Gonçalo Cheia, owner of the Sea Nymph. It came to her mind then that she knew exactly how she might gain the stone back. Pai had the first watch tonight. He’d be out on deck for another three hours unless he had to come back down for his foul weather gear. Artemis would rise soon, without fail. Yes, all the elements were in place. All save the stone. And soon she would have that too.

As she calculated, Eva gazed at Mãe, though it was hard for her to look at her mother now. The yellowed bruises on her cheeks and jaw still lingered, and her eye was not yet healed. It was a month to the day that Pai had come home early, cutting short the moon rite and accusing them of witchcraft. She still remembered his bulk towering over her as she cowered in the dirt at his feet. She felt again his fist across the bone of her cheek. She brought her own fist up to touch it now. She had waited fifteen years for this day, this name, this legacy. No more waiting. No more fear.

 Not this time, Pai. This time you can’t stop us.

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Cader_Idris wrote 940 days ago

Broadly put, this is masterful storytelling. Every once in awhile I find a read that immerses me in a different place and time so vividly that the world melts away and time slips by unnoticed. Six chapters in and Artemis Rising is utterly enthralling. Anyone who skims through the first chapter and stops there is doing themselves a huge disservice. This is one of those stories that deepens and twists and layers more and more with each chapter.

There are several facets in which the storytelling here is above and beyond good. The conflict of faith (the strict traditions of Catholicism vs. the beliefs of paganism); the conflict between characters (Eva embracing her beliefs to become Arethusa and Pai's revulsion of it, the darkly troubled Diogo vs. the gentleness of Tristao); the mystical scenes with Alpheus and Artemis that convey us to another plane; and the imagery and detail that paint and solidify the world in which Arethusa walks. Not an element is lacking.

And then, on a simpler level, there is the ongoing tension between Arethusa's commitment to chastity and Diogo's pursuit of her. Need I mention this has been on my shelf for some time and shall remain until after I have finished it? Absolutely lovely.

All the best,
Gemi

Jenni_James wrote 938 days ago

You are an incredible gifted storyteller and master of the English (and Portuguese) language. What wonderful imagery. I was there with Eva/Arethusa every step of the way. So powerful and immediately engrossing. I couldn't believe the intensity of feelings I felt from the very beginning all the way through. Your descriptions perfectly created the tragic atmosphere of your heroine's plight. I cannot wait to read more. Simply breathtaking. And what a wonderful recreating of one of my most beloved Islands!

Shelved.
Jenni James
The Northanger Affect

katekasserman wrote 1012 days ago

Hi Cheri! Well, I've read through chapter 4 so far, and I am more than a little worried about Tristao's promise not to let anything hurt Arethusa ever again -- the blue eyes are his (you make no bones about it, lining up the VERY interesting triangulation cleanly and without fuss), but they were asking FORGIVENESS in the vision...interestingly, if *Diogo* was remotely apologetic in HIS vision-appearance, we don't hear about it. And thus far it's Diogo who has reason to apologize. Actually, an apology wouldn't even cut it; Diogo goes from vaguely enticing background character STRAIGHT to hellish persecutor in his VERY first appearance, and there are no words for how distressed I was to hear Mae claim that he was somehow supposed to be Arethusa's fated lover! The ambiguity in the scrying is particularly important, I think; of course I was curious to see what would turn up from it, but there's nothing worse than knowing EXACTLY what's supposed to happen. So while I have no meaningful doubt that we have a potent and real Artemis in this story-world, even though Arethusa is committed to the Goddess, she doesn't and we don't know exactly what it is that Artemis really WANTS. Nor the extent of what Artemis can do. Obviously Arethusa doesn't believe that all other religions are inherently void and false; she takes the trouble to take down the crucifix. And that's an interesting triangulation too: again, Arethusa may LEAN to one side or the other, or even COMMIT to one side or the other, but it remains that both sides of the religion issue offer a mix of good and bad, just as both of her potential lovers do. And yet choose she still must. A really nice mix of personal drama with big-picture issues! Oh, and as a side note -- I love the idea of nineteenth-century crypto-pagans...!

kaysielynn wrote 143 days ago

I thoroughly enjoyed this story, but in glancing through some of the earlier comments on the work, I feel I must agree with K A Smith's note about the relationship between Diogo and his father. I thought the whole tone of the story felt older than late nineteenth century, particularly with the story opening in Massachusetts with an accusation of witchcraft. For me, that particular setting and that particular accusation combined to set the story back another couple of hundred years from the stated opening of 1893, and Eva's father's strictness concerning her relationship with men only reinforced the earlier historical setting. It all felt rather Puritan to me, but it didn't detract from the story, which is very well-written.

S0rceress0 wrote 164 days ago

This is no simplistic tale for fifth graders. This involves interwoven themes that you wouldn’t originally think complementary. It is the authors skill that makes them complementary. There are no loose ends, no chunks of story just sitting in space, each character has a purpose and no one just drops out of sight with no explanation. Oh, did I mention this all takes place in an exotic Portuguese setting? And that the author thoughtfully includes an index at the back for those of us far less versed in certain terms used in the book? It is obvious that Cheri Lasota spent a good deal of time and effort on this novel and it works. I recommend it for young adults and those seeking a beautiful romantic interest.

K A Smith wrote 355 days ago

Artemis Rising.

All that follows is one relatively uninformed persons opinion and should be taken as no more than the rantings of a disaffected cat-herd (unless of course I say something you agree with).

I read all you posted and would have happily kept reading, despite this not being a genre I would typically read, so you captured my attention better than many on Authonomy. So thank you.

An interesting introduction to your main characters, the dedication ceremony being disrupted by the violently disapproving father. The third person seems to work well for you, kept focused as it is on Eva (I occasionally wondered whether first person might not work better, as it is common in YA, though I have no idea if there will be a switch of viewpoint or focus after the first 4 chapters).

Characterisation is well handled, nobody is too broad or too sketchy. The villains of the piece arouse appropriate ire, though I feel I could have more sympathy for the Arethusas. I think it is her mother's fatalism and Eva's apparent acceptance of it that got to me here. The incipient love triangle with the weight of divine sanction behind it is nicely set up, as is the ambiguity, with Eva seeing blue eyes, (that can't be her own, surely...) and her mother seeing Diogo.

I found the prospect of Arethusa being caught between a pagan heritage and a Catholic milieu intriguing, but the decision appears to have been made, she is going with the pagan side. Although this has my sympathy, it means the inner turmoil preceding this has been dealt with, so I can't read about it. Shucks. Still, the story appears to be heading off with some purpose and I assume that the plot will carry on in this manner.

I felt the writing to be a little slow, things happen at a fair old rate, but there is a sense of unvarying tone to the writing, without particular highs and lows in the mode of expression. It feels as though it could benefit from varying the pace a little (use of short sentences and vigorous phrases, for example), rather than keeping it so consistent. Apart from this reservation, the writing is fluent and I can find little to fault in it.

I wondered about this particularly Greek expression of paganism in a Portuguese milieu in New Bedford and the Azores, it seemed a bit of an anatopism, if I can coin such a word. I assume you have a reason for it, but it eluded me, and I kinda like knowing the why of things when I read. Also I didn't have a very clear idea of period, the only key word here was clipper, which implies 1840-1870-ish. This seemed a little late for the feudal feel of the relationship of Diogo to the Marquez, as a for example. This lack of a clear era left me a little adrift, as it were.

In chapter 3 you use a compound 'prayer kneelers', tuffet or hassock might do instead?

Eunice Attwood wrote 517 days ago

Very believable characters. Your use of words is delightful and you write with a natural flow. Great story line and beautifully written. Backed with pleasure. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

name falied moderation wrote 555 days ago

Dear Cheri
this long pitch of your gives a very real indication of the book, CONGRATS firstly on a good pitch but also a really good book. it was the book cover that caught me the
first time around and then the second as well. Yes i have commented and backed your book, however cannot find the backing so will do it again, because it is WORTH IT
the VERY best of luck
If you have not already , please comment on my book and BACK it if not that is OK also
Denise
The Letter

Andrew Burans wrote 561 days ago

You capture the reader's attention by the end of paragraph 6 in "Daughter of the Moon" compelling the reader to read on. You quickly develope your compelling storyline and introduce your MC Eva. All of this is well done. You also develope the characters of Eva and Tristan very well. Yours is a very poignant love story and your descriptive writing ensures that your work will appeal to the YA audience. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

eloraine wrote 594 days ago

I love this genre and this is just wonderful, a beautiful descriptive style, well drawn and relateable characters let you feel like you are right there with them. Good luck with it. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

yasmin esack wrote 629 days ago

Artemis Rsing

Your opening is super and you draw the reader intantly. No time wasted here and that's good. The story unfolds beautifully and the suspense with the father is chilling. Page turner for sure.

Love this

Backed

Linda Lou wrote 644 days ago

hullo Cheri. This is a very good story about another time and place. Your control of imaging and charecters is great. Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

silvafox wrote 657 days ago

I love your writing style. It just flows and flows. The story telling is masterly and the plot captivating. I can't wait to read more and its definitely worthy of backing. Good Luck. Jennie (Lies and Betrayal)

Aimee Fry wrote 668 days ago

Not something I would normally consider buying at a shop, but I can certainly appreciate you excellent writing. Artemis Rising is a good read and the pace runs smoothly through the first chapter. I wish I had more time to devote to your book but there are simply not enough hours in the day!

I wish you the very best of luck.
Aimee xxx
His Pride, Her Prejudice

Famlavan wrote 670 days ago

Artemis Rising

This was a great find!
And while it’s very well structured, and looks very well researched it is an absolutely fantastic read!
This has an immense storyline that is very well told, I could go on with the superlatives. I did find (for me) a shortage of descriptive sound in the narrative, the only other thing, you haven’t put it all up!!! A brilliant read. – Good luck

plip wrote 679 days ago

Good story. Personally, I doubt any belief system that places heavy reliance on ritual, ritual objects and ceremony. Surely belief is more important than a particular stone or bowl, icon or relic? But that's personal bias.
The writing is excellent.
phil

bonalibro wrote 681 days ago

This is very well written and intensely atmospheric. But were people really that concerned about witches in the late 19th century? And were they not more a matter of Irish and English folklore than of Greek, having been the derisive term for the Earth Goddess worshipping Wiccans?

Burgio wrote 683 days ago

This is an interesting story. Because your pitch lists it as historical fiction, I expected to find it dry reading, probably with stiff dialogue. And it's not that way at all. You have come-alive characters and set this in one the world's most beautiful locations. Good going. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Eileen Schuh wrote 698 days ago

I've read Chapter 1 of ARTEMIS RISING and find it very entertaining.

I love stories about Wicca because it is a religion that honours femininity (and I am a woman!) and therefore provides a wonderful, mysterious canvas on which to paint social comment about women's issues. Contrary to commonly-held beliefs, witchcraft is not devil worship. It is not a Christian-based religion and therefore doesn't include the concepts of devil, hell, or heaven. This leads me to wonder if "I curse you. I curse you." is okay? I do know, some hexing goes on, but cursing? I'm not so sure. Perhaps. I'm not an expert.

Cheri, you write beautifully! I stumbled once, though. "Eva glanced up. Though she hadn't broken the tree-line yet..." I read it that Eva hadn't broken the tree-line yet. In my defence, Eva was the last "she" mentioned!

Best luck with story. Ummmm....yes....hold on... yes...one moment...it's coming to me now.... I see a publisher in your future....

Eileen Schuh Canadian Author FIREWALLS

DKTD1 wrote 699 days ago

What can I say that hasn't been said? You've got a great story here. Best of luck with it.

Shelved.
Dan-
Eunice Stubbins, among others...

lionel25 wrote 711 days ago

Cheri, your first chapter swept me into the second. I enjoyed the good mix of narrative and dialogue. Nothing to nitpick in these first two chapters. Good work.

Shelved!

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Miss Wells wrote 730 days ago

Beautifully written with a gorgeous inevitability about many of the sentences, as if each of the words has been finely chiselled into its slot. As a result the created world rises off the pages like a smoke and enfolds us in its atmosphere. But it isn’t just beautiful writing. The narrative is strong and focused too and we’re soon in the midst of an absolutely captivating story.

Mark L. Kelsey wrote 733 days ago

Cheri,


I perused through "Daughter of the Moon" in Artemise Rising. Eva and Mae lured me in from their onset and the story of the book began to unfold right before my eyes. Wow, what a writer! You are gifted to do this and from your profile info. it looks as if a motion deal in teetering of being in the works. Hats off to you.

With Regards,

Mark

Marit wrote 744 days ago

I have just started reading this. I felt sure that i had already read and commented, but this is not a story I would forget. The story telling is superb - and the writing is fluent. Expert, even. I can't see how you can fail with a pearl such as this. Good luck!

Sumarus wrote 753 days ago

Rarely do I find something I like so much on Authonomy that I want to read more and cannot draw myself away, rarely do I find anything I quite lose myself in, and very rarely do I find something that I am truly amazed by and that holds me in awe, but this, after reading only one instalment, appears to be one of those precious few.

Within a short section you show developed characters, the scenery is believable and your writing is colourful. I hope to read more soon, and I hope to see this in print. I may even pass this on to some (pagan) friends, and passing on is something I haven't felt the urge to do before on Authonomy.

Bobby
Dented Sensation

Ana G. Ram wrote 756 days ago

Artemis Rising is a beautifully written tale, full of elegant prose and vivid descriptions. The first scene feels real and magical at the same time. I do like the moral questions, the eternal conflicts that you weave into the story and that makes me want to read more.

On my shelf,
Ana G. Ram

Lady Calverley wrote 757 days ago

This is lyric and beautiful, and I am feverish and too muddle-headed to leave a worthy comment today! Onto my shelf.

Ruth/Base Spirits

SareyFairy wrote 757 days ago

Hi Cheri

This is a beautifully written story and you have a lovely writing voice. I would buy this if it were published and I know that my teenage step daughter would enjoy this immensely too.
I am backing with pleasure.
Sarah. T-cup and The Dream Team Fairies

Alan Dean wrote 766 days ago

Ceri,
Impressively constructed and executed. The blend of fantasy and reality is a love of mine and you've done it so well.
The storyline flows beautifully, appropriate, reality-adding details enhancing it.
Characters are delineated well and the pacing fits the story.
Enough said: others have confirmed it.
Backed.

Alan-Time of the Avatar

BlueScrubs wrote 766 days ago

There is such a fragility to your writing, and i can't help but be swept away with it. Backed, not only because it deserves to be, but because I would buy it if it were published. Good luck, and do update it... I really need to know what happens with Arethusa and Tristan!

Jupiter Echoes wrote 772 days ago

No more a daughter of God... but heh, a daugher of writing.
Incredible stuff. Evocative. Entertaining. Wonderous.
A good pace set with efficient dialogue and descrition. A pleasure to read, with a theme that is enchanting.

BACKED

Thomas J. Winton wrote 773 days ago

Cheri, very engaging story even if it is not my usual kind of read. Excellent writing. Perfect mix of dialogue and exposition. Backed.
Thomas J Winton (Beyond Nostagia)

Jim Darcy wrote 776 days ago

I enjoyed this, good solid prose and an engaging story. Definitely hooked by the pitch. Not much to crit. Well done, Jim D Serpent's Blood

Melcom wrote 778 days ago

Highly polished, enjoyable read.

Good luck with it.

Melxx
Impeding Justice

Alexander De Witte wrote 778 days ago

Your book just came to my attention. I'm busy and with commitments in the next couple of days. I have WL tagged this so I can have a leisurely gander on Christmas eve.

From just snippets taken in thus far - wow! For me, ranking is less important (when in or around top 100) than visibility, peer review and encouragement and a sturdy faith in one's craft. And so.. persevere. I am looking forward to a deeper exploration. I'm already struck by the eloquence. I must check the plot.

Regards,

Alexander

MPA wrote 783 days ago

A very enticing story and beautifully written.

Already shelved.

Mia

Leigh Fallon wrote 786 days ago

Firstly, sorry for the delay in this comment. I love a good romance story. I'm swamped at the moment and struggling for time so only read the first chapter, but based on it this is definately a backer.
Enjoyed and backed.
Leigh Fallon
The Carrier of the Mark

Jupiter Echoes wrote 786 days ago

Very imaginative piece for the YA market. PErsonally, i would have simply listed catholic atrociities.

Anway, fine characteriastion together with dialogue really build the story. Well written throughout what i read. A pleasure really, but due to the fact that i get a lot crazy when talking about religion, i am keeping my mouth absolutely shut, before i write something that will get me shot.

BACKED

AlanMarling wrote 787 days ago

Dear Cheri Lasota,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I always find the themes of fate vs choice interesting, so I eager to begin your story. I skipped to chapter seven and was rewarded with a charming scene between a woman with injured legs and a young man with beautiful long fingers. They share intimacy through his private treasure trove of memorabilia. He makes himself vulnerable and trusts her to read the only words left of his father, or mother, rather. This poignant scene builds a foundation for a later relationship between these characters, and as a reader, I’m eager to read more to find out. Diogo is sufficiently brutish to make me worry for the protagonist and Tristao, creating a great hook for the next chapter.

Bravo! Backed.

Best wishes,
Alan Marling

galencharles wrote 791 days ago

Cheri,
I am not a Romance reader, but you caught me with the Catholic versus pagan pitch.

What’s in a name? Evoking the stream nymph and the river god that pursues her, the very names foreshadow the plot as Eva takes the name of a mythological stream nymph. Even the name of the ship that takes them on their journey, the Sea Nymph, evokes eva’s flight from Elpheus.

The chapters end with phrases or scenes that leave the reader needing to know what happens nest: ‘This time Pai, you cannot stop us’; will Diogo take Eva’s chastity?; the ship foundering on the rocks. Excellent technique.

Diogo is driven by the desire to have what he cannot in natural opposition to Eva’s vow to remain chaste. We want to know who will win. However, I wonder if naming the chapter Elpheus gives away too much before the scene is played out as well as saying outright that Diogo is Elpheus. It reminds me of Edgar Sawtelle. Once we realize the story is Hamlet, we know what is going to happen.

That said, Artemis Rising is a well constructed tale with vivid, compelling prose. Excellent dialog reveals the characters personalities. The atmosphere is mysterious: pagan religions, ceremonies, mythologies. I absolutely love your writing style.

Backed with delight,
Galen – The Psalter

Cait wrote 796 days ago

Artemis Rising:

Cheri, I saw your book on Annie C's shelf and couldn't resist clicking on it after just reading the short pitch.

Excellent writing, here, excellent first chapter, it filled with conflict and fear for Eva and her mother. I'm going to back it after reading the first chapter but I'm definitely curious to find out what happens to mother and daughter when they land. I mentioned to Annie that What We May Be would make a great film. I say this also about Artemis Rising. And it shouldn't have a red arrow...

All the best,

Cáit ~ Muckers ~

LittleDevil wrote 796 days ago

Hi Cheri,
It would be impossible for me to offer anything by way of constructive criticism. This is a highly polished and beautifully written MS. You should be very proud. You manage to hook the reader (me) even though this is not something I would usually pick up and buy. I am really quite envious of your skill. I really enjoyed chapter 4, the tenderness between Arethusa and Tristaos was charming. Great characters.
Best wishes
Sue

Raymond Nickford wrote 797 days ago

I have abandoned my notes and want to say only that my greatest enjoyment was the lilt and rhythm of your prose, the subtle description. Memorable, in particular, was 'slipping quicksilver through her veins' which reminds me of a garden spider's web on a frosty day and yet conveys much greater import.
Your Pagan world opened my eyes to some misconceptions that linger from my own schooling although now, as I suppose a Christian mystic, I could still feel a powerful empathy with Eva.
As I read on, I grew more curious to anticipate the points of departure you would choose to unfold and perhaps resolve her conflict.
Apart from this, my own delight was your unique style of prose which cannot be analysed but only absorbed. I thought the vividness and delicacy of description stemmed from the exotic setting but I suspect it also originates from the author's own sensibility. Shelved.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

robf wrote 797 days ago

Hmm, i approached this with trepidation and despite being blinded by the quality if the language ( I didn't always know what was going on) have found it to be rich and intriguing. You build up to the eventual slap and denunciation of the father well, it sort of frames the chapter and gives it its emphasis. A very interesting book and sure to have lots of fans. backed.

Ccastle wrote 797 days ago

Thankfully, the dialogue was neither laboured or affected in this, which I so often find in historical novels. You have a lyrical style which, whilst quite wordy is poetically so. You write with a undulating rhythm that is quite hypnotic at times.

I wish you the best of luck with this, and have backed it with pleasure. Cx

gillyflower wrote 798 days ago

This is a book which builds excitement. The characters, Mae, Eva, Pia, later Diogo and Tristao, are all alive and interesting, especially Eva and Diogo. The first scene, when Pia interrupts the ceremony, and then showed Mae 'the meaning of obedience,' is full of horror, more by what it refrains from saying than for what it says. Intertwined with the real lives of the human characters are the myths, the character of Alpheus who comes to Eva, or Arethusa. There is poetry in the writing as you describe the mythical element, such as,'her body became liquid and transparent,' and 'slipping with insidious silence behind her,' in contrast to the more straightforward style in which you describe Eva's encounter with Diogo. You show your descriptive ability in the first scene, also, in sentences like,'She smelled the warm smoke of the candleflame, touched the grit of the boulder's rough surface.' This is a book which deserves to be successful. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

chris burton wrote 802 days ago

Not my favorite genre, but the quality of the writing is exceptional. This is truly absorbing with fantastic imagery and a great beginning. Backed.

Margaret Anthony wrote 803 days ago

Historical fiction, my favourite genre and my word, this didn't disapppoint. Intense and restrained excellence and a pure joy to read.
I can see many before have extolled the virtues of this book so I shall not attempt to repeat. This is not only a fascinating story but one in which every word must be savoured.
I only comment as a reader and with admiration for your superb skills, it's a pleasure to shelve. Margaret.

R.C. Lewis wrote 804 days ago

Your pitch caught my attention right away, since my best friend is a Catholic-turned-Wiccan-turned-“spiritual eclectic” (best label I can come up with).

Historical fiction tends to be hit-or-miss with me, and I expect it would be the same with much of the YA audience. The key, I think, is telling a story that speaks to the reader as relevant to them, although set in the past. (Teenagers really hate suffering through anything they see as irrelevant.) You’ve accomplished this nicely, as I think many young people experience feeling torn between things – two worlds, two expectations, two dreams.

This is one of few books on this site I would easily read through to the end.

Only one nit in three chapters: There was a little repetition in ch 2, saying twice that if Pai found them, there would be hell to pay. Could work for emphasis, but felt more like déjà-vu. That's it.

Putting this on my shelf, and making a note to come back and read more.

R.C. Lewis (Fingerprints)

Louise Galvin wrote 805 days ago

What a story-teller you are. After your atmospheric and intense first chapter, I had to read on, and found myself wholly caught-up in your narrative. The world that you conjure is somehow both immediate and exotic, and is beguiling for that. This is the sort of writing in which it is impossible to discern the workings, the scaffolding and the glue: it is effortless to read, which speaks of careful crafting and polishing, and your setting is convincing without ever once feeling like a history lesson. I felt comfortable in it – so much so, that I forgot about being a reviewer and just became a reader, lost in an engrossing story. I would buy this.

ALPACAJUNCTION wrote 805 days ago

Very interesting, very well written, easy to be swept away with. Backed with pleasure. Regards, Gordon Kuhn

John Booth wrote 810 days ago

What a powerful and evocative story. -shelved

There is much mystery and a sense of ancient powers rising in this story. I'm impressed by this story and your writing skills. Moving the action to a ship in #2 & #3 gives the story a claustrophobic feel that I think suits the dedication of Arethusa better than cornfields. I didn't spot anything that could remotely be called an error. Brilliant.

John Booth (Shaddowdon)

AndreaPearson wrote 812 days ago

You've chosen the perfect place to begin this book, and the proper amount of back history has been given. Eva's character is compelling, her troubles easy to relate to (even if a bit different from the average girl's). The story flows well (from what I've read) and the premise is original and interesting.

Shelved.
Andrea
The Key of Kilenya