Book Jacket

 

rank 5456
word count 28455
date submitted 31.01.2009
date updated 25.02.2009
genres: Non-fiction, Popular Culture, Harpe...
classification: moderate
incomplete

Calamity Cricket: Tales of Ladybridge CC

Stephen Barnard

A comic look at this much-loved sport... when played by well-worn men. Follow the hapless efforts of this merry band of beer-bellied amateurs.

 

"I can't bat... or bowl, for that matter." "Really? Never mind; you'll fit right in! Now get to the bar!" The Ashes are coming, and the nation waits for a cricket season of drama, excellence and skill. However, it isn't like that for everyone who wears whites... nowhere near in fact. Each summer, up and down the country, thousands of men toil against cricketing adversity; namely a lack of talent, ill-fitting outfits, and the vagaries of the British weather. Each year they ask themselves why they do it, and for want of a reasonable answer they plough on regardless, obsessing about averages and ignoring the laments of their cricket widows. 'Calamity Cricket' chronicles the misadventures of one such team as they reform for perhaps one last hurrah. It also takes an irreverent look at twenty years of the club's incidents and accidents, insults and injuries, which will strike a chord with anyone who has worked hard at convincing themselves that they can play cricket, no matter how old and slow they are. The book is currently self-published by troubador.co.uk and is available on their site. Signed copies can be purchased direct from the author via ebay.

 
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tags

anecdotal, comedy, cricket, episodic, honest, humour, light-hearted, non-fiction, ridiculous, sport, true stories, uplifting

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30 comments

 

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Jay Cuzey wrote 495 days ago

I've only had time to read the first three chapters, but very fun and enjoyable. Reminds me why cricket it so fun and addictive to play, even when the odds aren't exactly in your favour!

Clare Simon wrote 995 days ago

I just wanted to send you a shout from BL6!

Ian Mayfield wrote 1026 days ago

You got me all nostalgic and homesick. I live in California now, but grew up in England and one fond memory is of going on long country walks with my Dad, and coming into a village towards the end of the afternoon to find a cricket match going on.

The disorganization, camaraderie, (occasional) dedication, informality and general incompetence strikes a chord with me as well - not from playing cricket but from amateur dramatics, which often suffers from the same absence of abilities and resources. This book made me smile and chuckle throughout.

Shelved.

Pierre Van Rooyen wrote 1122 days ago



Dear Stephen,


No doubt you can recite Play up, play up and play the game. Lovely poem. One of our set-works in high school. I still abide by that determination.

Tee-hee, didn’t get it until I read your pitch. Yes I can image these couch potatoes.

More hilarity at your synopsis. I can see it all coming. If you divided your synopsis into line-spaced paragraphs to give it a bit of air, it would be more inviting to read.

Shaking my head at wanting to ‘give up now’. Sounds like a mischievous author.

Amazed you play in the rain like that. What is also amazing is how often ‘someone should write a book about it’ is uttered.

How many chapter ones are there? No this is definitely a new chapter.

Eleven all out. Can’t be? Tee-hee. Quite a bit of information dumping in this chapter which slows things down.

Very good when you introduce the characters speaking and interacting. Brings it alive. Could do with more.

Have read three chapters now and placed Calamity Cricket on my bookshelf.

I see you have a novel too. Please let me know if you want comment on that, but it will be much more critical than this.


Go well with your writing.


Kind regards,



Pierre.

The Little Girl in the Fig Tree

RachelMay wrote 1125 days ago

Your opening chapter is absolutely remarkable. I love it when you describe the waist size being equal to the ages of the women! And then to describe their talents as decrepit and descent. I laughed out loud. This is just so much fun to read. I'll be back in a bit to edit this comment. I wanted you to know that i'm reading it now and loving it so far!!! Hahahha just got to the part where you said, "Arse over Tit!!!" Hysterical. The locker room deathtrap, hysterical! I read on...be back in a bit....Gibby running only for food was another funny moment. And the nickname "Beast" for the oppositions captain. Hahhahaha... This is the funniest read I've had all day!!!


This is just hysterical! I am shelving this.

Well done
Rachel May
Going Twice

Helix wrote 1169 days ago

Hey Stephen,

Sorry it’s taken me ages to get round to this. Right, this has a market. Definitely. It’s like a cricketer’s autobiography meets an English sitcom. What was that show called, Outer edge, or something? Reminds me of that. There are so many cricket fans out there who would buy this. Due to recent developments it might not have a market in Pakistan, but everywhere else this is a winner. Well written. Entertaining. On my shelf.

Cheers,

Steve.


M Howard Morgan wrote 1179 days ago

Stephen. It may have taken me a fortnight of Sundays to read Ladybridge CC, but a very enjoyable read it was. Lots of good humour and some great lines. Takes one back to the village matches, the sliced oranges, the sarnies and the warm beer. Good stuff and I wish you and the lads much luck with it. Regards. MHM

Shayne Parkinson wrote 1180 days ago

I've read the first five chapters at a sitting, Stephen. I have a sentimental attachment to the game, mainly from the years I lived in England (I'm a Kiwi, which should explain an on-again off-again attitude to cricket). I found it a fun read, with pleasantly laid-back humour. I'll place it on my shelf.

AnnabelleP wrote 1182 days ago

This is funny ;-)
I'm not 100% on the rules etc of cricket but my husband is...
Nice and lighthearted, you paint a good picture.
Will leave the nit-picks to others.
Good luck with this.
Best wishes,
Annabelle

TJ Rands wrote 1182 days ago

thank you for brightening my day and rekindling fond memories of bygone wet english summers, when i played in the rain because i didn't want to go home to the now ex-girlfriend. i miss the comaradery and the beers whilst i waited my turn to bat or rather slogged blindly in the general direction of cow corner.

nitpick-
i think you should 'dust off the jockstrap' even though the box you stuff in it still fails to stick out past your budgeoning waistlines.


will flick in and out to keep a smile on my face.

this was a real treat for me-SHELVED-TJ

S. Chris Shirley wrote 1183 days ago

I don't understand cricket but STILL found this HILARIOUS. Great wit, strong writing, and a ready audience. SHELVED! Detailed notes in your inbox.

Richard P-S wrote 1184 days ago

Dear Stephen,

I'm a cricketer myself, and like this kind of book, and it looks like Ladybridge are a good bunch to be with. However, especially in the first chapter, there were quite a few punctuation errors (I feel bad saying this, because you're a fellow cricketer and an English teacher, but I try to be truthful all the time) which put me off, and made me think it couldn't be picked up by a mainstream publisher.

I have read 6 chapters, but that's because of the cricket. I wish you great luck with it, because it could potentially raise money for your club. Mind you, you might yet edit it and a mainstream publisher may yet pick it up. My view is subjective, as you know.

R

Janet Marie wrote 1185 days ago

Hi Stephen. I enjoyed your humorous explanation regarding the history and sport of cricket. The dialogue that begins in chapter 4 is a nice relief from the narrative in chapter 3. Your enthusiasm for the sport is delivered to the reader. I placed you on my shelf and send my best regards. Janet Marie

Antigua wrote 1187 days ago

Stephen

You've captured the fun and spirit of club cricket brilliantly. This is a good read with an easy flow and as smooth as a Gower cover drive to the boundary. I'll certainly keep reading.

Stauna wrote 1187 days ago

I don't understand cricket at all but I enjoyed the voice of your announcer "...average waist measurement, and average age..." made me laugh. I don't really see where the story is going but if you make me laugh you're worth a shelf.
Cheers
Stauna

tiggertoo wrote 1189 days ago

Stephen

In good police procedural fashion, here are the notes I took reading 3 chapters:
* Grab your reader with your opening line/paragraph – this is true for any genre. I would go with something like your 3rd para: “This year we have decided to give it one more go. Dust off the bat and squeeze into the whites.”

* “Rather that…” – One piece of advice I’ve been given (and I’m hopeless at following advice) is to avoid “that”. There’s something about the word that (ha!) makes reading less ‘smooth’. So 2nd para go straight into “Lady Cricket Club…”

* “paying your subs on time” – does it cost more/less if you pay late? I suggest dropping “on time”.

* “We go and have a pint” – good line.

* “Play does begin at 3…” – Possibly change to: “Play begins at 3..”

* Nice line about Paul Daniels. Good close to chapter 1

* “…too many in number to list” – delete “in number”, it’s adding nothing to the sentence

* Chapter 2 OK. Setting the scene, you’re going to revisit the stories, but the humour was lacking here.

* Chapter 3. The second para needs work. I think it was the “that is” that started me off. I suggest dropping the first sentence and going with “Actually, I tell a lie. It was originally called The King’s Head. Yes, a pub team formed in the Summer (British English - seasons) of 1988…” Are you going to tell us when the name changed? Ie How old is the LCC?

* End of chapter 3. Good line. I’m now starting to think you know how to keep your reader going.

I like the atmosphere. It is genteel. Nice to see swearing like "twit" and "twonk". There’s so much vulgarity in many of the books today, this was a pleasant respite.

Generally it’s a good idea, but there was something missing. Perhaps it’s because I’m not into cricket, but I suspect it’s more than this. I started out thinking “this could be the James Herriot” of cricket, but the humour and style didn’t carry it. Perhaps it settles down, perhaps the style is more like chapter 1 later on, but 2 and 3 lost my interest. I'm going to keep this on my WL and see how it develops.

So if my thoughts challenge you into writing something even better, then it’s been worthwhile (if somewhat painful). Take a look at one of the Vet books to see how JH sweeps the reader along with his descriptions of characters and incidents.

I wish you luck in raising the new sponsorship money. Best that you’re not associated with Samford - anyway he was only interested in the players wives.

Murray
The Jin Deception

spc wrote 1190 days ago

This is definitely a peculiarly English book, laced with a lovely dose of English humour, gentle, fun and very likeable. I think you do need to have a little understanding of cricket to get maximum value from it, but does that really matter? I will dip into this from time to time to cheer me up. Shelved.

sarahg wrote 1192 days ago

Hello again

I understand enough of the game (although my husband would disagree) to chuckle my way through the first few chapters. Loved the 'will only run for food'. Brilliant mental picture! Looking forward to reading more!

Sarah

M Howard Morgan wrote 1196 days ago

Hi Stephen. This caught my eye and instantly goes to my watchlist. Have you read, 'Penguins Stopped Play', by the late Harry Thompson? If not, I thoroughly recommend it to you. More comment once read. Cheers. MHM

mskea wrote 1196 days ago

Hi Stephen,
I decided to read this preciesly because I know little about cricket (I know - a philistine who thinks there is more entertainment value in watching a washing machine rotate its drum ) - if I find this funy then its a real compliment.
-And I do, imo the humour is light and deft and I was smiling and chuckling throughout the parts I read - ch1 and ch5. - to see if quality / tone continued.
I'll just pick out a few bits as examples of what appealed to me - 'average waist measurement and average age are similar... and none too flattering.' / 'wil only run for food.' / 'a good impersonation of a twelfth man.' / '...thats how recreational sport works.'
A few bits that jarred - 'arse over tit' - men?? / ref to 'special' child - may cause offence - and in any case any child will dive into puddles - its the nature of the beast - as my overworked washing machine will testify.
Not sure if your initial combination of bold and italics works - especially as you seem to change to primarily plain - imo better.
One suggestion to cut - 'If we are ever going to come back it is now (or never) - 'or never' is both redundant and repetitive.
Otherwise a thoroughly entertaining romp - should strike a chord with lots of folk, and as I say, not confined to cricket buffs - though how you market to a wider audience is another matter. (Perhaps to long suffering cricket widows??
This is going on my shelf,
Best,
Margaret
PS I'd value your reaction to Munro's Choice,
(soon? if poss - for obvious reasons) thanks, M.

paul house wrote 1202 days ago

Great to see somebody writing about cricket. It made me feel very jealous of you. I live in Madrid and played two games of cricket (for the MCC [Madrid Cricket Club] against Air India - we were soundly beaten and I opened and got, I seem to remember, 6 runs) about 25 years ago now. I would love to be part of a team like yours, but the MCC has long since ceased to exist. Good luck with the book! I would love to see some comments by some of our American cousins!

TomW wrote 1202 days ago

Shit, I feel quite professional after reading this. My great cricket "moment" is catching Justin Langer at square-leg in an Under 17's game. Never mind, he had put four or five past me in previous overs that I had hardly seen (sort of stuck my hand out in the general direction and hoped), this one went straight to me. You beauty, on your bike. He was on 82 at the time, and our attack had no answer. Clearly a man (or boy) playing about three levels below his rightful one, trying to get some form and confidence back.

Anyway, enough about me. This is fun. I'm not sure there is a market for it, but you never know. There's enough of those bloody "diaries" on the market, (ghost) written by the likes of Ponting and Gilchrist in Oz (I'm guessing it's probably worse in the UK), that something like this might take off.

What might be useful is one of those form guides the papers like to give on a touring team. You know, name,nickname, career averages, and a short report on characteristics. You could drop this in early to give us more of an idea of who's who. Probably a photo would help "picture" each of you as well. I'm sure this would make amusing reading with the stats (presumably) skewed in favour of the bowlers. For the record, for those who want a laugh, my career average was about 16 with the bat and 10 with the ball (and I wasn't much of a bowler).

What I would suggest is you get a foreword written by a genuine cricket legend. Not sure how you'd go about it, but maybe send it off to a few in the hope one agrees to do it? I can picture it now:

Calamity Cricket by Stephen Barnard.

Foreword by Ian Botham.

Anyway, great fun and best wishes with it. Shelved.

Regards,

TomW

EarlGrey wrote 1202 days ago

1st thoughts...I love cricket, Stephen. I love going to Lord's to watch test matches, and there is no more

indulgent waste of time than listening to Aggers, Blowers & the rest of the TMS crew talk shite on the radio. (Did

you hear about the disaster in WI..? Jees...) But my first thought/worry is, 'Is this a closed shop?' Is a love of

(village) cricket, cricketers and the lifestyle prerequisite here, or will this have a wider appeal..?

ch1 -

This is a vey light, breezy read & I found myself chuckling regularly here. Just a few egs follow:
'Astley & Tyldesley 3rd XI (although eight technically)...'
'Maybe we had fooled ourselves... Maybe our lifestyles and commitments... Maybe we'd be just plain shit.' ;-)
'we're giving away about 40 stone and 150 years.'

ch2 -
Your search for an angle/hook is interesting as my very first thought was along the same lines. What I personally

would really like to see is an exploration of who you gents are, with the cricket interwoven throughout.

Perhaps this is a completely different project but it create a much wider appeal. From what I can tell

Ladybridge CC exists in an oft-ignored space of this country (& I dont mean physical/geographical space). This is your swan song, your final season - surely that must precipitate all manner of thought, and not just about cricket..? How have the guys on the team changed over the past two decades...And what of the club, league cricket, Bolton, the North, England? How do you all feel as you sit of the cusp of your next stage of life? Are you confident? Are you satisfied with the what you are passing onto your kids..? I would love to get to know you guys through this work, and not just in a 'lets have a laugh and drink beer' way. Perhaps this is just not part of the remit here and far enough - I for one can enjoy it as is - but I may be in a minority. But regardless, your warm spirit shines through and you show me a world I'd love to have been a part of, which is the whole point of the written word. And that alone deserves a shelving.

barnyard73 wrote 1207 days ago

Thanks for your generous comments, Paul - you are too kind. No horse's arses to come, but something close! Will definitely check out your recommendation too. We never need to buy books again do we - you get everything you need on here!! Good luck with your top 5 spot. Stephen

Stephen,

I would buy this book in an instant. I love books on cricket, and my fave is Henry Blofeld's book on the Packer Affair.

This is the last book I'm going to be looking at today (the sixth, all told) and if I was handing out medals, this would get one. Coming just after Allie's "Tales from Under the Awning" it makes a lovely double-bill. Check her out, she's funny too.

You are a genuinely witty and warm writer - this puts me in mind of Herriot, who I read as a kid - warm characters in charming settings, but no hands up horses arses. Well not yet anyway.

What can I say? I'd love to read the whole thing one day. Shelved and quite, quite lovely.

Cheers

Ebbsy

PS Shame about the Bearded Wonder, eh?

Paul Ebbs wrote 1208 days ago

Stephen,

I would buy this book in an instant. I love books on cricket, and my fave is Henry Blofeld's book on the Packer Affair.

This is the last book I'm going to be looking at today (the sixth, all told) and if I was handing out medals, this would get one. Coming just after Allie's "Tales from Under the Awning" it makes a lovely double-bill. Check her out, she's funny too.

You are a genuinely witty and warm writer - this puts me in mind of Herriot, who I read as a kid - warm characters in charming settings, but no hands up horses arses. Well not yet anyway.

What can I say? I'd love to read the whole thing one day. Shelved and quite, quite lovely.

Cheers

Ebbsy

PS Shame about the Bearded Wonder, eh?

SAStirling wrote 1208 days ago

Barney, I'm not much of a cricketing enthusiast, but there's something about driving through the English countryside and seeing cricket teams at play. You've written something here that should appeal to any amateur cricketer, and I guess there are a fair few of them!

I've enjoyed a couple of smirks so far, and one involuntary laugh, and I can see that this is a lovely tribute to your mates and your team. I'm going to keep it to hand and come back in the next day or so and read on a bit. It's not the sort of thing I'd normally read, but the Englishness of it all - the strange triumph we feel in failure, and the totally irrational excitement which comes when we actually win something - make it an enjoyable experience.

Simon

barnyard73 wrote 1209 days ago

Thank you, Jo, and yes - what a shame about Bill. Test Match Special was a work of art when he was on it.

barnyard73 wrote 1209 days ago

You have the same name as the England captain and you know nothing about cricket? Shame on you! (Joking!) Thank you both for your comments.

GwenDog wrote 1209 days ago

Made me smile.

That's a big deal nowadays.

Strauss wrote 1209 days ago

This is delightful! To my shame I know nothing about cricket, despite the hours dutifully spent watching boyfriends bowling and batting their way to glory on inter-school match days. I would love to read more.

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