The Crier of Kathmandu

This novel allows you to see, live and breath Kathmandu with all its exotic beauty and culture. Ryan, a westerner is captivated by the essence of Kathmandu which is exemplified in his love for the bewitching and strong willed Pema. But to get Pema he must first help her with her revolutionary activities, and that means trekking both through an emotional and physical journey that tests his principles and understanding of who he is. This is a novel of a journey one through the wonders and the dangers that is Maoist Kathmandu and also the test of one man's real understanding of himself.

There is much to like about this novel, especially how he evokes the idea of Kathmandu. Look forward to reading more. Kriistin

- LF40 Review -

(Based on chapters 1-6)

The first thing that jumps out at you in The Crier of Kathmandu is the description of the setting. From the first chapter where Ryan takes a walk along the streets to the temple past exotic architecture and foliage and through the human throng of street hawkers and passersby you get the sense that this is written by someone who is fascinated by travel and foreign places. And that enthusiasm comes across to the reader. As I read, I noticed that I had the same sense of wonder about the place that I did when reading Robert Louis Stevenson or H. Rider Haggard as a boy. The people and scenery are evocative and exotic without the author having to resort to overly flowery language to paint that picture. The language is beautiful in places all the same. ‘Her skin shone like burnished cinnabar.’ – gorgeous.

There are also some very nice touches in terms of foreign language and culture. I loved the introduction of the idiom, ‘Head in clouds, feet in yak shit.’ Kudos!

The next point I noted is the delicate characterization. There’s a rough, world-weary quality to Ryan. And coming as he does complete with an estranged wife we have a the kind of archetypal, grizzled character that the best thrillers and detective stories are made of. Later on though, as we see how his relationship with his wife began in Australia, Ryan starts to become much more three dimensional for me. The flashbacks to his time with his father in Nova Scotia were also very good as a characterization device – particularly the scene where Ryan is hunting with his father. Pema - an exotic, mysterious and intelligent beauty – is great as a potential love interest. Tashi seems to work well as the malevolent bad guy.

One point I’d make as the reader is that I kept wondering, perhaps forgetting why he was going where he was going. I realize he was getting out of Dodge because of the trouble in Kathmandu but I wasn’t clear on what Ryan’s goal was, his mission or his aim – where he was headed. I definitely had the feel it was more about the journey than anything else but I wasn’t sure whether I was missing something. Maybe it was just me and I just failed to pick up on something.

Some minor points on Chapter 2
-This is where I started to feel you’d used phrases like ‘a laugh that said’, ‘eyes that said’, ‘a you’re guilty glare’ etc. a bit much. It’s my own personal taste but I’ve never liked that type of description. It’s always felt like a bit of a cop-out to me as I want the author to let me see the eyes, hear the laugh etc. so I can work it out for myself and feel like I’m there with the characters.
-‘I’ve just left Special K.’ I wasn’t sure you needed to add ‘their tag for Kathmandu’ as it was pretty clear from the context.
-I wasn’t exactly sure what happened to Ryan’s wrist at the end of the chapter. At first I thought he’d been bitten by a snake or something like that. Because I misunderstood, it kept bothering me through the next chapter as I wanted to know why he was hiding it and not seeking medical aid.

Overall, I liked reading this a lot. As I say, I had a sense of fascination for the place and the people. When you throw in language, culture and adventure you’ve definitely got something that I would buy. I liked feeling that I was learning something too. The political struggles within Nepal are well brought in without the information being too dense. At first I felt like Ryan’s having been a smuggler seemed a bit far-fetched for some reason but then it all started to make sense and feel more real, more rich, as we learn about his father’s past in Nicaragua – the apple not having fallen far from that particular tree. Yes, good, good, good. Really liked it.

Best of luck with it,

Ross

Andy:
a great setup for an admixture of romance and danger. Sort of the Capulets and Montagues, only on an international scale :-)
Your characters are well composed and you present a window into a little known place and time in history for me. Though I know of the issues in Nepal, it's all so abstract; your story helps bring not only the characters, but also the underlying political and social issues, to life.
Best of luck with your book. Backed.
Peace,
Christian Piatt
PULLING THE GOALIE

Dear Andy

I have just read the first two chapters of your book, "The Crier of Kathmandu." Both the title and the book's cover were intriguing enough that I wanted to pick it up. I see that you updated this yesterday? You know your stuff. Your first chapter reads well, with excellent scene setting and characterisations. You build tension ever so slowly, inch by inch.

For me, the strongest part of what I have so far read is the dialogue passages in chapter two. Your mc's encounter at the army checkpoint was electric. Every word felt genuine - have you been there? - and I was sweating! Every scenario had been perfectly worked out, with the cynical mc having just enough luck to pull off his escape. What a character, who lives to fight another day.

Your writing is confident, straightforward, interesting. Parts of what you write are a real education.

All the best to you.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

The Crier of Kathmandu - by Andy Potter
Part One: Nepal, 2005. The exotic makes me want to see what lies beyond. The description of Kathmandu..."Chestnut trees rained wind-blown blossoms. Burning incense perfumed the air, mountain clean, smelling of cedar." The fluid writing, the setting, and the intrigue that is sure to come pushes me forward.
Leaving his home, Ryan walks to Swayambhu temple where he meets Pema's older brother, Chho, where the storytelling becomes more poignant as you mesh the plot with a description of he ancient city and character development.
"As he locked his house, she rushed to him. Watching her run, he could almost believe in levitation. He enfolded her in his arms, thrilled that the isolated lane allowed him to linger, commit to memory the weight of her hair and the nape of her neck." Well written passages such as this liter the manuscript. An obviously researched and well constructed plot make this a wonderful read.
This is very nice, Andy. I will give many stars and it will find a place on my shelf when room avails itsself.

P Alan Davis
The Red Poppy
Raindancer

Andy - was attracted by the title. This is the Nepal I remember - the landscapes, the chortens, the narrow streets of Kathmandu. Lovely to have it all brought back by your spare, painterly images. I started caring about Ryan in Ch4 [which might be a trifle too long to wait] after the deer killing incident. I needed something personal and vulnerable like this earlier on - the guy is too cool, too smart.Of course he gets beaten up, and by then I was definitely on his side [although he is maybe a touch too stoic]... but I'd have liked more inner struggle in his character earlie ron, to match the outer conflicts he is a party to. Haven't really got Pema yet, but I'm sure she will emerge. I remember those strong women in Nepal, running businesses, going on pujas together. You evoke all this and because of that I would buy this book, and give it to my fellow travellers like a shot. BUT, I do wonder who you are writing for? Will it attract readers who have never been there? The date is 2005- that's not now, and it isn't, as far as I know, a crucial moment, as the killing of the royal family in 2001 was [we left Kathmandu to do the Langtang trek the day that happened, on the last bus out]. So I wonder about your timing. Sadly, Nepal does not hit the headlines. If only Lonely Planet did fiction, this would be a shoo-in. Hope this is useful. Frances.

A highly impressive work from an imaginative and gifted writer, with an excellent command of his craft.
I couldn't understand, when I read the first chapter, why it hadn't been spotted and given a read by an agent.
It deserves that. With the right assistance - some guidance in upping the dramatic stakes for Ryan from the outset, this could be as compelling as Chris Morgan Jones's, An Agent of Deceit. Well done.
Lambert Nagle
Revolution Earth

Reading on into your novel we begin to get to the heart of the story and see Ryan confronting the true horror of the Maoist activities in Nepal. Viewing the destruction all around Pema's village and understanding the cost of it he falls deeper into the cause of a free democratic Nepal struggling to fnd a way that it can best be achieved without endangering Pema's family and Pema's own view of him. Would she put her family above the cause? His own inner turmoil in some ways represents the turmoil Nepal itself faces. I look forward to reading more. Kristin

The Crier of Kathmandu.
The further I delve into your book, the more I appreciate your wonderful descriptions.
As Ross, below, has said, it's all about the journey, and what a journey!
Jane (Breath of Africa)

Crier of Kathmandu. Andy. Reading into Ch.5. and beyond, the harshness of Nepali village life, and their dread of the Maoists becomes apparent. As does the reason for Ryan's gradual change of heart. You capture well his budding friendship with Yeshe.
But the pace slows, my eyes blur, and I wonder if there is any way you can convey all this in fewer words?
That's merely my instinct, which need not be true in your case.
Your way with words continues to make me breathless.
Jane. (Breath of Africa).

This novel allows you to see, live and breath Kathmandu with all its exotic beauty and culture. Ryan, a westerner is captivated by the essence of Kathmandu which is exemplified in his love for the bewitching and strong willed Pema. But to get Pema he must first help her with her revolutionary activities, and that means trekking both through an emotional and physical journey that tests his principles and understanding of who he is. This is a novel of a journey one through the wonders and the dangers that is Maoist Kathmandu and also the test of one man's real understanding of himself.

There is much to like about this novel, especially how he evokes the idea of Kathmandu. Look forward to reading more. Kriistin

The Crier of Kathmandu.
Andy. Your style is superb. You have Nepal to a T, and you take me right back there.
The suspense and sense of danger is tangible, and the tenderness between Ryan and Pema so romantic.
More maxi stars, and of course you're back on my shelf.
Jane (Breath of Africa).

This has changed quite a lot, from what I can recall. More action up front before you get into the Australia section. It works very well :-)

As I’m reading through I’m not noticing much at all in the way of nitpicks, but here they are (for what they’re worth):

Ch.1

‘He sighed. He hated confronting Chho …’ – better as ‘Ryan sighed’ to avoid any ambiguity following the previous sentence?

‘Was he one of us, they wondered, or one of them?’ – I think this would read better starting ‘Is he one of us …’ but YMMV. And ‘The man occupied …’ was the first time I began to lose the thread a bit – I mean, I know Ryan is thinking about how other people see him, but the full circle round so that he’s thinking of himself as ‘the man’ through their eyes was just a step too far for me.

‘Ryan scented the flowers below’ – reads oddly to me. Normally I’d take ‘scented’ to refer to smelling something you can’t see (‘the predator scented his prey’ or more metaphorically ‘he scented danger’). And of course ‘flowers scented the air’ means the flowers smell, not the air, which adds an extra dimension of confusion :-)

You’ve got two full stops on the very last sentence in this chapter.

Ch.2

‘Chho laid on the horn’ – leant on the horn?

‘He nodded. Schoolroom English …’ – again I’d specify Ryan here.

Love the description at the end of this chapter. In fact, overall I’m impressed by your ability to bring the setting alive.

Ch.3

‘the mountain ashes, peacock green’ – had to read this a couple of times before I understood you were talking about trees. Perhaps ‘the mountain ash trees were peacock green’?

You use a lot of semicolons. I only noticed because I use a lot of semicolons myself. Depending on the preferences/style of the person reading, you may get comments objecting to this :-)

‘… he registered a rush of wings. His ears tracked the bird roosting on the floor’ – didn’t quite follow this. The rush of wings suggested the bird had flown away, or was agitated by Ryan’s presence, which doesn’t go with the stillness of roosting.

That’s it for the first three chapters. This is a good read, polished, well written and interesting. Lots of great description and an engaging central character in Ryan. Excellent stuff!

Hi Andy,

Sorry for the delay in getting back to you, I’ve been a little busy with academic work and my own writing projects. The opening is tight and provides a good introduction to the central character with a nice touch of internalised characterisation. You write in a clear, unambiguous style that allows for a good interaction between characters and location. The descriptive elements have a nice fluidity to them, bringing the setting vividly alive.

The interaction between your main plot strands is well defined. This is demonstrated on how you have developed a full range of characters that for me at least, come across as multi-dimensional. Your dialogue is sharp and measured, conveying another side of the characters’ personalities. There is a very good work of fiction here and I wish you the best with it.

Regards
RJD
The Oktober Projekt
The Fanatic

Hi Andy,

Firstly thanks for the rating and backing. Much appreciated.
The Crier of Kathmandu is an intriguing title but I soon realised I was in safe hands when you begin to describe the sights and sounds of Nepal. The prose is exotic - perfect for such a setting and I loved the little details - the rhododendrons took me back to my childhood in the Nilgiri Hills where I had schoolmates like Dorjee and Tensing. I wonder if a vernacular equivalent for The Snow Geese would be more appropriate, but it's just a thought.
I also loved the comparison of Shakespearean English to Yeshe's and sat thinking about the evolution of the language over the ages and how it will shape up in coming times as well.
17 chapters are quite adequate for an upload, let HarperCollins request for the rest.

Starred and in line for shelving.

All the best
Jay Adiyarath
EXPIRY DATE

The Crier of Kathmandu
Andy Potter


Notes as I read ....

The shout line is a little clumpy –

What about:

Love is under siege and a time of awakening is near in this politically charged action packed thriller.

Like graph 4 in the pitch – the character description draws me in.

1

Nice imagery – though Perma’s first description might should entail something more than hair – especially with the use of the colon

Cultural descriptions vivid – nicely textured – good use of imagery

The plot is growing – intriguing – good story ideas

Could use a little more info about the main character – why is he there –what is he doing
More struggles about staying and going – if he goes where will he go? What does it matter if he stays -

2

Was wanting a little more character description and development in the first graph
Maybe some sounds from outside too to build the tension and the need to leave the city

Like the insert of the blog - - might even be nice to have the book begin with the blog (have one in every chapter)

More hair descriptions of the women – huum - Also the women are given more time physically than the men – sex objects only? This may be though a part of the character development of your main character – your choice of point of view (3rd limited) may contribute to this – we see the world only through the main characters eyes and understand it with his thoughts – may be a good aspect of him to develop – a growing edge -

love the swaggering soldiers looking like urchins – but the repetition of “urchin” in connection with them gets too many reps same with the eager beaver line

Chicken is a nice detail –

Cliffhanger end is nice too – may want to describe more about the fall and the pain and the thoughts – add the tension about what medic care is like in the vicinity -

3

Intro to dad may be developed more – whenever he felt pain, he instantly heard his dad’s voice. “Pain makes people stupid. Conquer it.” Was his dad a hypocrite or had he been successful in conquering pain – was he stoic– rock like man non emotional –

terminology
glock –- depending on who your reader is – you may need to educate a little bit –Safe action pistol a top choice among small arms …
normal trekker ??? what would that look like

Capitalization of the term glock may not be necessary? “His Glock was buried in his pack …”

Can really sense the fear as the two teens are behind him – I am there – good

Nice memories of dad and the hunting here – good character development –

The move from nowhere to eating with people around was a harsh transition

Again – a nice cliff hanger ending –



Enjoyable read – interesting – the setting is the best - a

Kathmandu. Your turn again at last.

Ch.7. A good old pub brawl. I like Ryan more than ever, but he only has one head to tilt, doesnt he - when talking to Lance and Roger afterwards.

Ch.8. Lance now. You have him thinking just like an ussie. Your description of the road to Perth as an empty corridor hemmed in by towering Karris takes me right back there.
A skilfull seamless dip into Lance's past, and a taste of what might come.

Ch.9. Very easy reading - the story gallops along and the Carrie coast seems clear for Ryan. But will he fall for Lance's ruse?

Ch.10. The plot thickens....

You are a consummate story teller, Andy, and your style of writing improves - if that's possible - with every chapter.
Until next ime -
Jane. (Breath of Africa)

It's been a while since I was able to return this novel but in some ways I was able to approach it with fresh eyes as I read on. I found that my initial impressions of it were only strongly reaffirmed. This is a fine novel with solid plotting and a real sense of the setting. The pacing is kept throughout and the backstory is filtered in and doesn't bog the reader down so that I get a strong sense of Ryan. Placing a foreigner in such an exotic setting the reader is able to see it through Western eyes and learn its ins and outs and react to it as we would if we there. This is a very readable novel. Kristin

The name on its own was enough to pique my interest. Well written, settings beautifully described. An insight into the situation in Nepal. Exciting, love it! :D

Chapter 2. Really glad to see you re-iterating the setting throughout. Many writers on here seem to feel that all they need is a paragraph at the beginning and that will do. I like the feeling that the people and the environment are of equal importance, which seems to permeate the writing with a Bhuddist spirit. I'm learning a bit about the political situation of Nepal, of which I know very little,( I'm even inspired to read up a bit on google.) though I'm not very sure about what Ryan's mission is - where he is going and what he wants to do there. Or even why he stays, really, apart from being in love with the place.
I think the storytelling is first class, in the way that you keep all the elements going and never forget to include sensory data and setting detail. So. My main worry is Pema - the fact that she doesn't come alive as a real character, but remains more of a muse, an extension of Ryan. I know nothing of her life. Also, the relationship. The love story between Ryan and Pema is the reader's way in to the core meaning of the conflict in Katmandhu, and into the culture. And yet you seem to be rushing the development of this relationship. You tell us they have just crossed a line from friendship, but i don't see this happening, don't feel part of it. What brings it about. I want to see it from within the two parties, otherwise it remains just part of Ryan's psyche. I haven't had time to get to know both parties and feel the way they change as the relationship develops from friendship. It's as if it happens offstage. Also, I was a bit shocked at Ryan's borrowing money to pay for Pema's studies, when we don't see her having any say in the matter. Did she ask him to do this? Is she very poor? What is she studying? Why did she begin without knowing how she would pay for it? There is too much left out here, which would throw some light on the dynamics between these two central characters.
That said, I'll gladly read on.

The story so far has been a delight on many levels. It reminds me of an old saying (as told to me by a Chilean refugee) "If you're not a communist by the time you're 21, you have no heart. If you're still a communist when you get to 31 you have no brains!"
It's very professional - have you submitted the manuscript to any publishers at all?
j.marie

For me too, writing is a surrogate for travelling. And so is reading. I love books that take me somewhere else, as yours does, and right there. I love the feeling of the crowd in your first chapter. You seem to have your finger on the pulse of this place. And your exposition is clear and well-paced, and it wears its backstory lightly. Well done, my friend. I can also feel Ryan's love of the place he is having to leave. Well done my friend.
It's late, and so I'm starring i t and listing, and will come back when I've read some more. Julia

For me too, writing is a surrogate for travelling. And so is reading. I love books that take me somewhere else, as yours does, and right there. I love the feeling of the crowd in your first chapter. You seem to have your finger on the pulse of this place. And your exposition is clear and well-paced, and it wears its backstory lightly. Well done, my friend. I can also feel Ryan's love of the place he is having to leave. Well done my friend.
It's late, and so I'm starring i t and listing, and will come back when I've read some more. Julia

This is like taking a close-up, personal view of the world through someone else's eyes. You evoke all the locations beautifully, highlighting the distinctive characters of each. The contrast between the cultures of Nepal and Australia is brought out very well. I like the way you build up the story of Ryan's presence in Nepal without giving too much away and then switching to the backstory in Chapter 5. This gave it a cinematic feel. This is a very unusual story, full of detail.

Sounds good, and I have read/heard good things about The Crier of Kathmandu. WL for a read in second half of may.

Colourful, very punchy style.Love the interaction between Ryan and Pema. You give a strong feel of Katmandoo. I could sense the blue sky and the cool air. There was nothing to stop me reading and the end of chapter one, where he packs his bags, sets the reader nicely to click onto number 2.
Lindsey. J. To Paint a White Horse

This is a great read - I'm sure you know already how good it is so won't lay it on. Constructive criticism may show better respect for what you've done. To wit: your prose is poetry enough. Perhaps the actual poetry weakens it? When I got to Ryan's love poem, I just wasn't sure whether you wanted me to think of him as a bad poet? If you really feel he needs to write poetry for Carry, perhaps fewer lines. Less is more sort of thing. (And I'm speaking as a woman here!) I really love the character development, the slow building plot structure, the detail, everything but the poetry.
Now reading on. j.marie

Delighted to find your book - one I really want to read for its own sake. You write with the effortless skill of a real pro and your story line is a solid one. You know your subject (I know Nepal enough to recognise that.) Can't stand reading a book when the writer has not researched enough. So I'm very happy to have a quality job to put on my book shelf (and now I'm off to make a cuppa and sit down with 'the crier' again.
j.marie

You've evoked a wonderful atmosphere in the first chapter, evolving the characters in fairly subtle ways so that the reader feels as though he is in the midst of place. In the second chapter the action really begins as the characters fill out and the reader gets a sense of the book's movement. You create a very visual novel and I hope to read more and comment more thoroughly. Good luck with it. Kristin, Selkie Dreams

- LF40 Review -

(Based on chapters 1-6)

The first thing that jumps out at you in The Crier of Kathmandu is the description of the setting. From the first chapter where Ryan takes a walk along the streets to the temple past exotic architecture and foliage and through the human throng of street hawkers and passersby you get the sense that this is written by someone who is fascinated by travel and foreign places. And that enthusiasm comes across to the reader. As I read, I noticed that I had the same sense of wonder about the place that I did when reading Robert Louis Stevenson or H. Rider Haggard as a boy. The people and scenery are evocative and exotic without the author having to resort to overly flowery language to paint that picture. The language is beautiful in places all the same. ‘Her skin shone like burnished cinnabar.’ – gorgeous.

There are also some very nice touches in terms of foreign language and culture. I loved the introduction of the idiom, ‘Head in clouds, feet in yak shit.’ Kudos!

The next point I noted is the delicate characterization. There’s a rough, world-weary quality to Ryan. And coming as he does complete with an estranged wife we have a the kind of archetypal, grizzled character that the best thrillers and detective stories are made of. Later on though, as we see how his relationship with his wife began in Australia, Ryan starts to become much more three dimensional for me. The flashbacks to his time with his father in Nova Scotia were also very good as a characterization device – particularly the scene where Ryan is hunting with his father. Pema - an exotic, mysterious and intelligent beauty – is great as a potential love interest. Tashi seems to work well as the malevolent bad guy.

One point I’d make as the reader is that I kept wondering, perhaps forgetting why he was going where he was going. I realize he was getting out of Dodge because of the trouble in Kathmandu but I wasn’t clear on what Ryan’s goal was, his mission or his aim – where he was headed. I definitely had the feel it was more about the journey than anything else but I wasn’t sure whether I was missing something. Maybe it was just me and I just failed to pick up on something.

Some minor points on Chapter 2
-This is where I started to feel you’d used phrases like ‘a laugh that said’, ‘eyes that said’, ‘a you’re guilty glare’ etc. a bit much. It’s my own personal taste but I’ve never liked that type of description. It’s always felt like a bit of a cop-out to me as I want the author to let me see the eyes, hear the laugh etc. so I can work it out for myself and feel like I’m there with the characters.
-‘I’ve just left Special K.’ I wasn’t sure you needed to add ‘their tag for Kathmandu’ as it was pretty clear from the context.
-I wasn’t exactly sure what happened to Ryan’s wrist at the end of the chapter. At first I thought he’d been bitten by a snake or something like that. Because I misunderstood, it kept bothering me through the next chapter as I wanted to know why he was hiding it and not seeking medical aid.

Overall, I liked reading this a lot. As I say, I had a sense of fascination for the place and the people. When you throw in language, culture and adventure you’ve definitely got something that I would buy. I liked feeling that I was learning something too. The political struggles within Nepal are well brought in without the information being too dense. At first I felt like Ryan’s having been a smuggler seemed a bit far-fetched for some reason but then it all started to make sense and feel more real, more rich, as we learn about his father’s past in Nicaragua – the apple not having fallen far from that particular tree. Yes, good, good, good. Really liked it.

Best of luck with it,

Ross

Andy - It's a long time since I've visited your book.

Ch.4. Your common touches are very realistic, like the lone rooster blaring its annoyance, and the yeasty tang of the new-fallen rain meeting dry earth.
What is a temple chorten? It's not in my dictionary.
Your turns of phrase get better and better: 'the day's first ridge was a purple bruise against the dark horizon.'
And then Ryan's brutal punishment, stoically endured.

Ch.5. Oh my - right in the middle of "my" part of WA! Well, not exactly. But I've passed through that area many times, when visiting family. Those karri trees are quite something.

Ch.6. You say it all in tight sentences: 'Seemed to be a reef around that lagoon. He decided to swim clear.'
At last I've found something to suggest: I would have liked an explanation of what ties and bundles are, and how they work.

Your writing is impeccable, and your story full of interesting, authentic scenes, beautifully described. It gets better as the book progresses. What else can I say, except that your time to be re-shelved is drawing nearer. Meanwhile, multi-starred.
Jane. (Breath of Africa)

The Crier of Kathmandu: It never ceases to amaze me the talent Authonomy has to offer, but this book outshines many. The prose is dreamy, the descriptions are sensual and Ryan’s heart-racing emotion for Pema is vivid. And I can smell the burnt sugar amongst other delicious flavors! The reader is a traveler in this country―its multi dimensional―tempting me to become absorbed in the culture. I love the dialogue and the fast pace. What a great read! Greatly starred and on w/l prior to backing. Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

Wow - great read! Vivid prose with fresh imagery - ran like a love-struck teen : )
"Half-damned place, struggling for heaven." Wow! Wished I'd written that!
Exceptional checkpoint scene, and sounds familiar to this former journalist and veteran of touchy war-zone roadblocks. Ryan is a character that hooks us from the beginning.I was at ease with this character in the first few paragraphs and ready to go along with him on an adventure. Plot unfolds at a rapid-fire, but viable pace. I like the way you string us along with urgency, but all threads seem to lead somewhere - good foreshadowing, done just right! I've always wanted to travel to Nepal and that region, but never have yet. You bring this adventure to life for the reader. Good work! Backed and shelved!!!

Andy,
Spotted this on a friend's shelf and glad that I did. My brother met his wife in Kathmandu many years ago and it's wonderful to read your descriptions of the place. Ryan is well characterised and as at the end of ch4 the plot is picking up, with the back story cleverly woven in. Will of course be reading on, rated in the meantime and will be on my shelf in a day or two. Best of luck with this.

Babs

Andy - Ch.3. Your prose continues to delight: "rustling leaves making a sieve of the sun." And you create tension well with the trio and their bullock. A good story, moving in leisurely fashion as you catch up with background and Ryan continues his journey.
Up you go onto my shelf, where you will continue in rotation with others. Wish we could have more than five at a time. Many thanks, too, for your support. Jane (Breath of Africa)

A very compelling read. Backed and rated.

Cat
Lies & Love
Twisted

I'm too new to this to offer any value in terms of criticism. But I will say this: You my friend, can write. I've read two chapters and don't know if I'm more enthralled with your gift of lyrical prose, the mysterious setting, or the intriguing characters. They only thing I know is that I want to read more. Backed with the utmost enthusiasm.

Your book reminds me vividly of the month I spent in Nepal in 2002, when we had to alter plans because of the Maoists... but it's never as bad, in the third world, as it seems to those back home, is it.
The beauteous wonders of the country, and the sensitivities of burgeoning love, are so truly captured with your words. Which language, I wonder, does Ryan hear as he circles the stupa?
Ch.2. A dip into the past to explain thepresent. I enjoyed your description of Kathmandu, "a half-damned place, striving for heaven", and your handling of the man at the checkpoint. So true. Then the humour of the chicken and the egg.
I am wallowing in your first class prose, and I intend to back you at my next shuffle (I dont do shuffles often, preferring to keep old faithfuls before my eye). I will definitely enjoy reading on, and on. Meanwhile, maxi-stars.
Thankyou for the privelege of reading this book.
Jane.

Andy,

I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and half:

The first thing that jumps here is the style. Is a moment by moment perception where every moment is a dangling act promising the next to have the same urgency....

..... and that you deliver.

The jewel of the narrative however is the psychological map of your central character's. The ebbs and flows of your central character as he goes about reconciling the attraction with the concern, the wishes with the pauses....

......and she does his grace shows.

The second jewel is stylistic: you ability to unfold sequences...be emotional or behavioral....the use of language on the move - as Updike would say - to transfer the reader to the eye of the character...so that when he moves, we move, when he feels

...we feel.

Some of my favorites:

"emanating a low hubbub"
I have never seen this which is why I liked for, If wanted to read about things I have already seen, I would take the subway...lol

"sea green eyes"

"Chho stopped outside the door...."
this whole paragraph has the kind of unfolding through body language I never get tired to championing it
why?
because when the writer unfolds...the reader feels

"as if lit by a ......"
your personal best so far...

"a dead pig floated belly up"

"the temperature dropped....."

"A curtain of drizzle...."

"sotto voce"

"His first shot winged....."
again the behavioral unfolding here delivers the goodies

Some Minor/Minorest/Minormost points:

"arrogant bearing"
I would cut a bit on the emotional labeling
Why?
Because when the writer labels an emotion, the reader reads ...the label
when he describes...the reader feels

"she was beautiful..."
I would also cut a bit on the modifiers
why?
because as Updike said: "the modern reader can fill in the blanks"
instead, let your description do the talking:
"her eyes were shinning...."
don't you think that after that marvelous description we will not get that she's beautiful?

Let me know if that helps,

Overall, wonderful

david

Hi Andy,
This is just as good the second time round. Excellent stuff.
Backed and starred.

Simon.
Yuko Zen is Somewhere Else.

Read this some while ago and enjoyed it then. Whilst a thriller, it still holds a charm all of its own and looking at it again, especially as Nepal is such an enigmatic place, my opinion hasn't changed.
Sprinkling stardust and on my shelf tomorrow. Margaret.

Andy,
I've read the first four chapters so far, the fine prose running past like water over river rock. If you were to check my favourite authors, you might realize that your writing style is right up my alley. Now, I believe it was in chapter one, there's a paragraph that begins, Ryan recalled--and we enter a relative flashback. I probably have a few of these myself, but after all the reading of the many fine writers here (like yourself), I'm finding that this approach may not be the best. Just something to ponder. Might there be a more subtle way to ease into some backstory? Not a crit. I like Ryan, has a past, yet wants to change his ways. Literary agent Donald Maass detailed in one of his books the appeal of a protagonist with a noble heart. Okay, I am happily giving this 6 stars and placing it on my WL with intent. Thank you for uploading this here. Impressive.
John B Campbell (Walk to Paradise Garden)

Hi Andy, I picked up your book again and read through Chapter 7. I tried to find something to correct, but it is very good. I especially like the interactions with Carrie. You also have the Australian dialect down. I enjoy your use of unusual phrases and Shakespearian references. I really like "Beyond the pale", but it is seldom correctly used.

Two tiny typos: Chapter 5, a backward quotation mark "Really? You think so?"
And maybe a comma in "C'mon Ryan" ?
This one is ready for a publisher.
Jeanne Meeks
Rim ro Rim––Death in the Grand Canyon

Andy, I've read chapters 1, 3,4. Somehow Ch.2 doesn't want to come up. I love the story, the setting, and the action and want to see what I missed in Ch. 2. A few very minor suggestions:
Chapter 1
-How about "her lips trembled" rather than "were trembling.
Chapter 3
-"...a bear hug." (period rather than comma)
- the old woman "yanked on a goat....saw (Ryan)" (rather than him-- for clarity)
-There is an errant little line between "pure and caustic"
- Very good description of the boy's first deer kill.

Ch 4
- "erstwhile husband, as she put (it)"
- I thought the Spy Tree was in Nepal. Maybe add "after that long ago breakfast, Ryan (had) climbed..." and "...he (had) settled in...chair"
- "Apparently, son had followed father" rather than was following.
- A period is missing from Mr. in several places.
- "...even though (Ryan) was a half-a-foot taller" or "even though he was a half-a-foot (shorter)"
- Maybe put "Here we go" also in italics?

I like your use of italics for his thoughts and want to learn to use that myself. I think your descriptions are great, at times poetic, it seems to be that kind of country. Excellent work. I'll star it and book it again.
Jeanne Meeks
Rim to Rim--Death in the Grand Canyon

Hello Andy. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Partly because of the excellent vivid prose that made me feel I was in Kathmandu (I rather like the Far East myself), but also because the smooth flowing style you’ve adopted quickly involves the reader in a good yarn. No nits of consequence. I would buy a copy. I wish you well with this. Backed with pleasure.
Rheagan Greene – Unwelcome Consequences
PS Please read/comment on mine if you have time, thank you.

Andy,

I read the first two chapters of THE CRIER OF KATHMANDU. The setting is fantastic and I love being whisked to a new locale. Your writing ably captures the chaos that surrounds the MC as he braces for revolution. Indeed, I found the first chapter, and to some extent the second chapter, fairly disorienting. Because you throw your reader right into the chaos that Ryan experiences, I found it a little bit difficult to get my bearings. Perhaps you strove for that effect. If so, you nailed it. Also, at the end of the first chapter, the items Ryan sticks hurriedly in his bag conjure excitement in and of themselves.

In the first chapter, you use "gilded" twice in rapid succession.

There are a few moments of reflection when the MC recalls the past (for example, in ch. 1 when he reflects on a few weeks earlier and in ch. 2 when he recalls meeting Pema) that I think you could move to later in the book or cut altogether depending on their importance. Because the beginning of the book captures the chaos that surrounds the MC, I think the narrative should be as straightforward as possible without making the reader jump back and forth in time. Just a thought. (Admittedly, I do a bit of the same in my first chapter).

I notice that you have a number of sentences that use the passive voice (e.g., "the air was laced"; "she was waiting") when the active voice seems like it would be more appropriate. Other sentences are infirm from a grammatical standpoint, but I sense you often broke rules consciously as part of your voice (e.g., "Found a place where he could help"; "shaving complete, he stepped outside"). Also, be careful about your POV. The novel is generally written from Ryan's POV, but sometimes you shift it. For example, there's a moment when you tell the reader that Pema's brother pretended not to see the entwined hands. It's a nice sentiment and develops Chho's character in a nice way, but it doesn't fit with the POV. I haven't noted all instances of passive voice; infirm sentences, or shifting POV, but you might want to go back through the text with those issues in mind. As long as your choices are conscious ones, I think they're fine.

Regardless, I think you've crafted a very compelling beginning. Most importantly, the pitch intrigues me and this is a book I would read more of. Backed.

Kind regards,

Rob
(Aralen Dreams)

The Crier of Kathmandu is probably the most polished narrative I've read so far on Authonomy. It reads like a freshly printed and published novel. As I read I quickly come to realize I am entering a world with which I'm unfamiliar. The politics, the location, all of it. But it intrigues me, and I think that if I were to read the entire novel it would teach me something.

The writing feels a lot like John Irving. Not necessarily in style, but in it's well-paced, cleverly worded flow - and the fact that it takes place in a very unique setting and seems to deal a lot with human relationships.

I'm only on Chapter Three, but I'm going to keep reading (I'm a little slow). I have a few nit-picks but I'll reserve them for later. What's important right now is that I'm interested.

I'll be back with more later. I'll be shelving this soon. I hope it does well here. =)

Winston

This story is fast paced and plunges the reader straight into the action. I liked the flow of it but I found the beginning few paragraphs a tad confusing, possibly because there was quite a lot of names and places mentioned in a short space of time (or possibly it was just me being simple). The 'walking home...' paragraph and the couple after it were good, help me to get my bearings and breathe a little. I wonder if some more clarity is needed in the opening paragraphs? If no one else has said that then it is probably just me!
The first chapter ends with great foreboding. I like the start of chapter 2. I like the pace and the rich understanding you appear to have of your characters and their customs. It looks like a good premise and I wish you all the best with its development.
Karen

i am backing this again. i read your long pitch and enjoy it each time.
j

Andy,

I like your style, and I LOVED the delicate treatment of Ryan's interactions with Pema. It is so easy for a westerner to forget that customs vary on the nightside of the globe, and the attention to this tells us as much about Ryan as it does about Nepal. He says that he loves Kathmandu...Pema and her brother are lovely metaphors for this world that Ryan has become a part of. I found it clever and delightful.

I read through some of the other comments...and I disagree with the assertion that incence cannot "lace". Scent "laces" itself very well in two separate fashions. 1) it's fleeting while it floats and 2) it's stubborn after it permeates porous surfaces, both characteristics seem appropriately described by "lace".

I wish you luck with it and I'm pleased to back it.

Wendy
January Black

Andy, My (promised) editorial comments:
An email doesn't 'blare'. It is clear what effect you want to score with this sentence but as a first sentence the incorrectness of the statement gives the reader a first impression that the use of language interpretation in this book is very "free". This is not the kind of book that transgresses language rules so I wouldn't use it. I would leave out "the email blared". The characterization of the sender is clear enough in the next paragraph.

'More meddling' is unclear, who else is meddling? Plus it is a bit contradictionary as Ryan knows his friend means well and he actually likes the contact.

'stuck in London'. Isn't London on the ground? Make it 'stuck of the 20th floor of London's....'or something

After locking his garden flat (can't be done at the same time)

laced with the scent of burnign incense (incense cannot lace)

The sentence "he loved Katmandu..."is a thought then you return to the walk. there must be a linking sentence or add, he thought to himself. You make the reader jump from thought to setting without a connecting aspect.

Up he rushed. There has been so rush before (at least not that the readers know of) so introduce this. Perhaps 'he rushed up' is sufficient.

There was her older brother. Can be improved, not a very nice sentence. P. was with her older brother or: Looking up, Ryan could just see P's older brother C. wavind and then disappearing out of sight (just examples)

Thanks for the privacy, R. thought or: Silently, Ryan thanked C. for his tact. He and P needed some privacy.

I'm stopping here for the moment, Andy, I am willing to give hints/ideas for the entire first chapter but it may all be bullshit to you so in case it's not appreciated/necessary/welcome I won't continue just now. I like doing this, though, so if it helps, just tell me. Hannah

Andy, you put me right there on the street, man. It was refreshing. I felt very comfortable reading what you wrote, and you weren't overbearing on my imagination. I especially enjoyed the description of smells--does that sound odd? Anyway, thanks for your support on my book as well. Cheers!

Forrest, Council of the Ark

Andy, the story is absolutely fine, your voice is completely as it should be: masculine (even if Carrie is the POV), entertaining, observant. It's an interesting read and it has all the aspects a great novel needs: adventure, a foreign setting (that you know very well and most readers don't), romance, action and suspense. The whole package.... except for the editing. To give you an idea of what I mean by that, I could take the first chapter and show you what I think editing is like. Just let me know. Starred and soon on my shelf for a considerable time. I have to favour some other promises first but I won't forget! Hannah