Book Jacket

 

rank 204
word count 13194
date submitted 01.02.2009
date updated 06.05.2012
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Thriller...
classification: universal
incomplete

The Crier of Kathmandu

Andy Potter

Love is perilous at any time. Then there's love and politics in war-time. Nothing better to get to the heart of the matter.

 

Nepal, 2005: The country is in a downward spiral, caught in the crossfire of a Maoist revolution.

Ryan, a Canadian journalist in Kathmandu, doesn’t want to leave. He loves Nepal but is also captivated by Pema, a fellow political activist and Sherpa beauty. He and Pema were once medical aid smugglers who helped heal wounded Maoist soldiers.

Ryan’s political arc was set in motion twenty years previously when he met Lance, a carpe diem Englishman with a well-disguised conscience, and Carrie, an entrancing Newfoundlander.

Now, in 2005, Ryan supports a peaceful solution to Nepal’s civil strife. The country’s hard-line Maoists detest his position. Pema distrusts his middle-road stance. He learns that the more perilous the times, the more confusing love is.


*** NOTE to Thriller/Action Fans ***
Although co-labeled a thriller, the action is driven by character as much as geopolitics.

Complete at 80,000 words.


 
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tags

action, culture clash, geopolitics, kathmandu, latin america, love triangle, maoists, nepal, political awakening, revolution, travel

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Part One: Nepal, 2005

 

Get out, the email began, Kathmandu is crumbling.

Here we go, Ryan thought, more meddling—a ‘Leave Nepal’ message from Lance: I’m telling you, the Maoists are going to take Kathmandu. Ditch your ‘To Go or Not To Go’ spiel.

Ryan shook his head. Same Lance, still making Hamlet jibes.

Time to ditch Toronto, he wrote in reply. You’ve guzzled enough champagne. Get thee to Kathmandu.

Although he missed Lance’s snarky humour, his old smuggling partner was wrong. The city was safe; the countryside was in danger. The King had just announced plans to attack the Maoists’ western strongholds.

Ryan left his garden house and strode towards Swayambhu temple. The street gave way to a stone staircase. Up he rushed, overtaking a trio of monks. Chestnut trees rained wind-blown blossoms. Burning incense perfumed the air, mountain-clean, smelling of cedar. What a morning. He loved Kathmandu at dawn, but the city alone wasn’t holding him. Pema waited for him at the temple above.

Cresting the staircase, he scanned the Swayambhu crowd. No compelling jade eyes. He searched again. No Pema. Where was she? Was something wrong?

Supplicants spun rows of prayer wheels; pigeons and doves pecked at offerings of fruit and rice. He heard talk of rice fields and rain, the late spring harvest, the rising price of petrol. Ah, there was her older brother Chho strolling towards him. Chho’s demeanour was vigilant yet relaxed, the pose of a man who’d been waiting without waiting. He extended a forefinger—meet me at Venue Number Onethen melted into the swarm circling the temple.

Ryan scanned the crowd again. No one tailing either of them. Chho was an unassuming Sherpa; he, a foreigner enjoying the local colour. He’d come back to Nepal to report, not smuggle medical aid to Maoists. Lance knew that he wasn’t in the trenches. However, Ryan had kept one thing hidden. He’d ‘gone political’ again and joined a secret group of centrists, the Snow Geese. Like them, he distrusted both the left and the right, both the Maoists and the King.

After circling the temple, he made his way to a busy chai house. Chho sat at an outside table for two. Ryan ignored him at first, then asked to share the table. Chho’s face looked more weathered than usual, the whites of his eyes were shot with red. They chatted in Nepali about the strange amount of rain.

“The gods are crying,” Chho concluded. “Please,” he said in English behind a raised chai glass, “stop writing about ceasefires and democracy. The Snow Geese aren’t ready for elections.As if remembering instructions, he quickly added, “The country isn’t ready.”

Ryan’s mind was elsewhere. “Where’s Pema?”

“On a fact-finding mission. Shiva sent her to Pokhara.”

“Fact finding?” Shiva, the Geese’s scholarly leader, had all the facts he needed.

“OK, Shiva wants her out of the way. She’s getting too radical. And you,” Chho apologetically said, “he thinks that you’re attracting too much attention.”

Ryan’s current newspaper column called for the Maoists to lay down their weapons but he’d been endorsing a truce for weeks.

Chho bowed his head then looked up, a reluctant envoy. “Shiva said to disappear for a month.”

No surprise. Shiva the Silent was a fan of the vanishing act. A few Geese, including Ryan and Pema, wanted Shiva to speak out but he insisted on remaining hidden. Ryan sighed. No use confronting Chho, luckless emissary caught in the middle. Ryan felt for his friend. Like Chho, he too was conflicted. How hard should he push for change?

“OK,” he said, “I’ll shut myself down. Tell Shiva this: I’ll shelve my newspaper articles, both Nepalese and international.” He had a demand of his own. “But not my personal blog. The King doesn’t understand the Blogosphere; the Maoists don’t monitor it.”

“Alright. Rendezvous at the temple in an hour.” Chho winked. “By the way, Shiva said to keep moving. Circulate.”

Ryan grinned. Circulate. As if he and Chho didn’t know operational mores, as if they hadn’t been smuggling med-aid while Shiva circled a desk.

Joining the walkers, Ryan thought of Pema. Chho was right. She was getting more radical. Ryan had met her the previous morning at a pagoda on the far side of the temple hill.

 

As he’d sat next to her, he’d recognized the set of her lips: apprehensive but resolute.

“Ryan, I made a decision last night. Things need to happen now.” She searched his eyes. “I’ve been talking with a few Geese. Let’s work together. We’ll call for elections.”

Well, this was a new plan. He liked the idea but the timeline was aggressive. His activist past—Peru, the Balkans, Nepal—had taught him that democracy wouldn’t take root when bullets were flying. “What about a ceasefire?”

“We can’t wait.” She smiled. “Remember what you wrote about democracy? It doesn’t fall from heaven in full bloom, you need to push it along.”

He nodded wryly. How did she remember that? He’d written it months ago. “Armistice first,” he insisted.

She stared at him with dismay. The sun filtered in through the branches of a pipal tree. Her skin shone like burnished cinnabar; her sea-green eyes were steady.

Those eyes, how did they do it? They made him—an ex-smuggler, a so-called radical—feel timid and irrelevant.

Head aslant, she scrutinized him. She swept a wave of hair off her forehead. He sensed her probing his commitment, prying open his soul. A few weeks back he'd mentioned that his ex-wife Carrie, who’d left him the previous year, had filed for divorce. When Pema asked what he felt, he immediately replied “It’s time to move on.” She’d seemed preoccupied for the rest of their chat, as if the news had triggered a wave of private thoughts.

Now, still gazing at him, she wrapped her arms around him and tenderly kissed his cheek. They’d only ever hugged as friends. Although she wasn’t a typical shy Sherpina—she’d lived with an Indian guy until they’d decided not to marry—Ryan felt bashful. He studied his hands, unable to look up. When he did, she was gone.

 

At the appointed time Ryan spotted Chho across the temple crowd. His friend extended two fingers—use the second venue—and disappeared into the throng. When Ryan reached the venue, a remote auxiliary shrine, he found Chho kneeling alone in front of a holy tapestry bordered in blue, for Nepalis, the colour of peace. Ryan knelt beside him.

“I want you to know something,” Chho said out of the side of his mouth, “I understand your message. But I … I’m with Shiva.”

Ryan heard the inner conflict in Chho’s voice and decided to make light of the situation. Hey, no one will miss my columns. I’m just a foreign hack.”

“Walk back to the temple. Apparently you’re in danger.”

Ryan started up the path. Half way there his friend slotted in next to him. “I just met with Shiva. He claims the Maoists hate your ceasefire message and want you silenced.

“What do you think?” Ryan asked.

“I’m not sure. When I asked for proof, he said to wait. Bottom line, you better get out of the city. Why don’t you stay in Lamabagar?”

Chho’s village lay well to the northeast, far from army posts, far from Maoist centers. If Ryan had to leave, Lama was a good refuge.

“Pema will be there next weekend,” Chho added.

Ah, that sealed the deal. “Alright,” Ryan said.

“I’ll take you to the trailhead tomorrow. Keep alert.”

As Chho merged with the crowd, Ryan slowly descended the temple staircase, fighting to retrieve a covert skill, to see all and hear all, without appearing to look or listen. The air thickened; the smell of incense gave way to burnt sugar. A few steps ahead, two boys hawked sweet buns, regaling passers-by with teasing brashness. He joked with them and bought a large bag for tomorrow’s journey, then cut through the city centre, a wild fusion of concrete and ancient brick, of modern buildings and medieval warrens. Sure, he’d tell Western visitors, Kathmandu can be dangerous, but don’t run away. Stop and look. Throw out your camera, really look.

Ryan knew how Nepal’s ex-pat community saw him: outgoing, some said reckless, yet also baffling. He’d seen more of Nepal than any of them but rarely spoke of it. He occupied a large house set amidst sprawling grounds yet disavowed servants. Charming but misguided. He mixed with everyone, be they dirty chai wallah or lofty nabob.

Strolling through Dilli Bazaar, Ryan noticed two men on his heel. Were they tailing him? Mind churning, he edged into a kiosk. The pair paid him no heed, heading straight to Charkhal Road. Keep going, fellas, he inwardly suggested. Yes, that’s it. Enjoy your walk. As they receded from view, he set off, antennae up, reading the crowd’s mood: calm, almost buoyant. In Kathmandu, like nowhere else he’d been, civil unrest existed simultaneously with serenity.

The market oozed soot and spices, cheap petrol and cheaper tobacco. Zig-zagging through the lanes, he picked up packets of raisins, ten kilos of rice and ten of flour, then hunted for barley seeds, the best spring sowers to be had. Gifts for Chho’s family. Despite the market’s upbeat aura he arrived home anxious, drained from being constantly on his toes. He hadn’t been truly operational in years. Keeping things close to the vest for The Geese was simply second nature. Standing on his balcony, he scented the azalea flowers below. To smell them was a coming into harbour, a refuge he loved, a refuge he had to leave.

Later that night he loaded the gifts for Lamabagar into a faded backpack, followed by warm clothes and a notebook PC and satellite phone, his connection to cyberspace. Pulling out his old smuggling handgun, a Glock 26, he began field-stripping the pistol. Eyes closed to test himself, he released the slide then separated the firing pin, extractor and plunger. Parts fit together like puzzle pieces—one and only one home. After cleaning the gun, he stashed it in a hidden compartment between the pack’s shoulder straps.

 

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KGleeson wrote 235 days ago

This novel allows you to see, live and breath Kathmandu with all its exotic beauty and culture. Ryan, a westerner is captivated by the essence of Kathmandu which is exemplified in his love for the bewitching and strong willed Pema. But to get Pema he must first help her with her revolutionary activities, and that means trekking both through an emotional and physical journey that tests his principles and understanding of who he is. This is a novel of a journey one through the wonders and the dangers that is Maoist Kathmandu and also the test of one man's real understanding of himself.

There is much to like about this novel, especially how he evokes the idea of Kathmandu. Look forward to reading more. Kriistin

RossClark1981 wrote 413 days ago

- LF40 Review -

(Based on chapters 1-6)

The first thing that jumps out at you in The Crier of Kathmandu is the description of the setting. From the first chapter where Ryan takes a walk along the streets to the temple past exotic architecture and foliage and through the human throng of street hawkers and passersby you get the sense that this is written by someone who is fascinated by travel and foreign places. And that enthusiasm comes across to the reader. As I read, I noticed that I had the same sense of wonder about the place that I did when reading Robert Louis Stevenson or H. Rider Haggard as a boy. The people and scenery are evocative and exotic without the author having to resort to overly flowery language to paint that picture. The language is beautiful in places all the same. ‘Her skin shone like burnished cinnabar.’ – gorgeous.

There are also some very nice touches in terms of foreign language and culture. I loved the introduction of the idiom, ‘Head in clouds, feet in yak shit.’ Kudos!

The next point I noted is the delicate characterization. There’s a rough, world-weary quality to Ryan. And coming as he does complete with an estranged wife we have a the kind of archetypal, grizzled character that the best thrillers and detective stories are made of. Later on though, as we see how his relationship with his wife began in Australia, Ryan starts to become much more three dimensional for me. The flashbacks to his time with his father in Nova Scotia were also very good as a characterization device – particularly the scene where Ryan is hunting with his father. Pema - an exotic, mysterious and intelligent beauty – is great as a potential love interest. Tashi seems to work well as the malevolent bad guy.

One point I’d make as the reader is that I kept wondering, perhaps forgetting why he was going where he was going. I realize he was getting out of Dodge because of the trouble in Kathmandu but I wasn’t clear on what Ryan’s goal was, his mission or his aim – where he was headed. I definitely had the feel it was more about the journey than anything else but I wasn’t sure whether I was missing something. Maybe it was just me and I just failed to pick up on something.

Some minor points on Chapter 2
-This is where I started to feel you’d used phrases like ‘a laugh that said’, ‘eyes that said’, ‘a you’re guilty glare’ etc. a bit much. It’s my own personal taste but I’ve never liked that type of description. It’s always felt like a bit of a cop-out to me as I want the author to let me see the eyes, hear the laugh etc. so I can work it out for myself and feel like I’m there with the characters.
-‘I’ve just left Special K.’ I wasn’t sure you needed to add ‘their tag for Kathmandu’ as it was pretty clear from the context.
-I wasn’t exactly sure what happened to Ryan’s wrist at the end of the chapter. At first I thought he’d been bitten by a snake or something like that. Because I misunderstood, it kept bothering me through the next chapter as I wanted to know why he was hiding it and not seeking medical aid.

Overall, I liked reading this a lot. As I say, I had a sense of fascination for the place and the people. When you throw in language, culture and adventure you’ve definitely got something that I would buy. I liked feeling that I was learning something too. The political struggles within Nepal are well brought in without the information being too dense. At first I felt like Ryan’s having been a smuggler seemed a bit far-fetched for some reason but then it all started to make sense and feel more real, more rich, as we learn about his father’s past in Nicaragua – the apple not having fallen far from that particular tree. Yes, good, good, good. Really liked it.

Best of luck with it,

Ross



Christian Piatt wrote 637 days ago

Andy:
a great setup for an admixture of romance and danger. Sort of the Capulets and Montagues, only on an international scale :-)
Your characters are well composed and you present a window into a little known place and time in history for me. Though I know of the issues in Nepal, it's all so abstract; your story helps bring not only the characters, but also the underlying political and social issues, to life.
Best of luck with your book. Backed.
Peace,
Christian Piatt
PULLING THE GOALIE

Mark5 wrote 53 minutes ago

Excellent start and very well written. Your style and obvious interest and knowledge of the setting makes me want to read more. Incidently, I note that this has been on Authonomy for a while now. Have you uploaded the full book anywhere? Kindle perhaps? If not I would definitely buy a copy if and when this is published.
Good luck going forwards. 6 stars.
Kind regards
Mark
Atlantis Reborn

daveocelot wrote 36 days ago

Hello Andy,

Long overdue return read, sorry about that - was away travelling for a few months. Read the first five chapters and don't have much to offer, really. I'm not much cop at critiquing so I usually just hope I'll find a few typos or something to show that I've worked my ticket. Nothing much for me to nibble at here, everything I read felt highly polished and certain.

You certainly have a gift for evocative imagery, bringing the setting to vivid life. A particular standout for me was the dead pig with the egret resting upon it in Chapter 2 (do egrets do that, though? I've seen them on the back of water buffalos but I always thought they were waiting to eat their poo). Through the prose, the reader can glean your obvious love for Nepal and share in it.

If anything, I might point out that the richly descriptive nature of the text may overshadow the plot on occasion. Like RossClark, I was a bit uncertain where Ryan was heading to, and the exact nature of his mission. Then, after he's had a bit of pasting in Chapter 5, he decides to backtrack to some other place (forgotten the name, sorry) which seems to detract from the dramatic importance of his original destination (wherever that was).

Other than that minor quibble, I enjoyed what I read very much.

Dave

Kenneth Edward Lim wrote 51 days ago

Andy,
What can I say? "The Crier of Kathmandu" is a living entity with soul, passion and blood, all pulsating together. Your descriptives take us to the moment, your dialogue so true as to be audible. Such quips as "Are the Royalists getting smarter,buddy, or am I getting dumber?" serve to highlight the grittiness of your situations where danger can only be countered with cavalier feistiness. Thank you so much for the entertaining read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Fred Le Grand wrote 53 days ago

I'm not sure how I commented las time I read this, but...
It strikes me as an excellent topic for a book. Your writing is competent but you could raise it to a higher level by enriching the descriptive prose in the first part of chapter one.
The sights and sounds, the smells of Kathmandu need to pervade the initial scene mor ethan they do. Just a few lines to show readers who haven't been there just what it's like.
OHh,and the city was never safe. Even I have been there when Maoist boms went off in the city!
Despite the carping, I like this - it's unusual!

riantorr wrote 59 days ago

My personal style would be to show the email in full, then move on with the character's reactions.

Best Regards,
RianTorr
New London Masquerade

Victoria Hunter wrote 60 days ago

The opening chapters are very evocative and describe Nepal very well. I think it has a lot of potential: you describe places and people very well and set up an intriguing story with lots of room for tension and excitement in the plot.

I will say that I think it needs a good edit. There are sentences that just seem to have either the wrong verb or the wrong subject/object choice for me. Obviously this is a personal opinion, but I’ll point out some of them anyway. I’m happy to delete them from the comments if you like, just let me know.


Chapter One

Get Out! Kathmandu is crumbling! (Wouldn’t that be a stronger opening, without the interruption of “the email began”?)
Not sure about the word “oozed” – I think you could come up with something else
he scented the azaleas below – I think you have to rearrange the sentences – have the azaleas in the subject position or “the scent of azaleas came up from below”
his connection to cyberspace (I think it’s better without this line – we know what the device is for)
As he’d sat next to her, he’d recognised the set of her lips (doesn’t quite gel – maybe it should be “mouth” not “lips” or something different altogether, and I'm also not sure about the word "recognized")
She stared at him with dismay – (I’m not sure about the verb “stared” here, it doesn’t match with dismay, for me)
The sun filtered in through a pipal tree (through the branches /leaves of a pipal tree)

Although she wasn’t a typical shy Sherpina….gone. – I don’t quite get the chain of logic of the three sentences here..
Chapter Two
Bodum coffee – why not just coffee
the disarray “severed” by the river - I would go for a different word here

A white egret floated past, nonchalantly riding along on the belly of a dead pig - or something like that/startlingly gets in the way
a long, albeit bleak, view

Chapter Three
Chho broke into his reverie – this sentence seems not to fit with the previous one, there doesn’t seem to have been a reverie.

his ears relishing the cadence of the Sherpa tongue … his ears relishing sounds funny…

I hope these comments are of some use to you and I’m not simply being picky.
As I said, it’s a very intriguing story and has some very evocative passages.

Very best of luck with this interesting story - am reading on for now.


Victoria Hunter
Ramadan Sky

Carolyn Brown Heinz wrote 78 days ago

Hi Andy,
This is a book I'd definitely buy and read. Contemporary Kathmandu, real-world, strong narrative.

I had one thought about Cho. It's always hard to find English equivalents for foreign language conversations, and maybe Cho and Ryan were speaking English anyway. But would Cho, a guy from a village, use an expression like 'Bottom line, you'd better got out of the city'? It seems too idiomatic, like the way Ryan might put it.

Anyway, I like this unfolding story a lot. I'm putting it on my shelf. Good luck with it.
[incidently, when I first tried to look at it, I got the message that the book was closed for editing; 2 minutes later, I tried again--a different way--and it was available.]

Carolyn Brown Heinz

AMW wrote 78 days ago

Andy,

I've read through the first 3 chapters, and the only suggestion I have is that you take a look at the way Ryan is described in the first chapter. Since we're in his point of view, his comment about being surprisingly modest seems anything but... let us discover those attributes as we follow him on his journey. Everything else is well done... dialogue, description, mood.

You've done a terrific job of creating an exotic story world and populating it with vivid characters. Highly starred and in line to go on my shelf when there's room

Ann - Counterpointe

FRAN MACILVEY wrote 113 days ago

Dear Andy

I have just read the first two chapters of your book, "The Crier of Kathmandu." Both the title and the book's cover were intriguing enough that I wanted to pick it up. I see that you updated this yesterday? You know your stuff. Your first chapter reads well, with excellent scene setting and characterisations. You build tension ever so slowly, inch by inch.

For me, the strongest part of what I have so far read is the dialogue passages in chapter two. Your mc's encounter at the army checkpoint was electric. Every word felt genuine - have you been there? - and I was sweating! Every scenario had been perfectly worked out, with the cynical mc having just enough luck to pull off his escape. What a character, who lives to fight another day.

Your writing is confident, straightforward, interesting. Parts of what you write are a real education.

All the best to you.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

PA Davis wrote 125 days ago

The Crier of Kathmandu - by Andy Potter
Part One: Nepal, 2005. The exotic makes me want to see what lies beyond. The description of Kathmandu..."Chestnut trees rained wind-blown blossoms. Burning incense perfumed the air, mountain clean, smelling of cedar." The fluid writing, the setting, and the intrigue that is sure to come pushes me forward.
Leaving his home, Ryan walks to Swayambhu temple where he meets Pema's older brother, Chho, where the storytelling becomes more poignant as you mesh the plot with a description of he ancient city and character development.
"As he locked his house, she rushed to him. Watching her run, he could almost believe in levitation. He enfolded her in his arms, thrilled that the isolated lane allowed him to linger, commit to memory the weight of her hair and the nape of her neck." Well written passages such as this liter the manuscript. An obviously researched and well constructed plot make this a wonderful read.
This is very nice, Andy. I will give many stars and it will find a place on my shelf when room avails itsself.

P Alan Davis
The Red Poppy
Raindancer

FrancesK wrote 129 days ago

Andy - was attracted by the title. This is the Nepal I remember - the landscapes, the chortens, the narrow streets of Kathmandu. Lovely to have it all brought back by your spare, painterly images. I started caring about Ryan in Ch4 [which might be a trifle too long to wait] after the deer killing incident. I needed something personal and vulnerable like this earlier on - the guy is too cool, too smart.Of course he gets beaten up, and by then I was definitely on his side [although he is maybe a touch too stoic]... but I'd have liked more inner struggle in his character earlie ron, to match the outer conflicts he is a party to. Haven't really got Pema yet, but I'm sure she will emerge. I remember those strong women in Nepal, running businesses, going on pujas together. You evoke all this and because of that I would buy this book, and give it to my fellow travellers like a shot. BUT, I do wonder who you are writing for? Will it attract readers who have never been there? The date is 2005- that's not now, and it isn't, as far as I know, a crucial moment, as the killing of the royal family in 2001 was [we left Kathmandu to do the Langtang trek the day that happened, on the last bus out]. So I wonder about your timing. Sadly, Nepal does not hit the headlines. If only Lonely Planet did fiction, this would be a shoo-in. Hope this is useful. Frances.

turnerpage wrote 175 days ago

A highly impressive work from an imaginative and gifted writer, with an excellent command of his craft.
I couldn't understand, when I read the first chapter, why it hadn't been spotted and given a read by an agent.
It deserves that. With the right assistance - some guidance in upping the dramatic stakes for Ryan from the outset, this could be as compelling as Chris Morgan Jones's, An Agent of Deceit. Well done.
Lambert Nagle
Revolution Earth

KGleeson wrote 218 days ago

Reading on into your novel we begin to get to the heart of the story and see Ryan confronting the true horror of the Maoist activities in Nepal. Viewing the destruction all around Pema's village and understanding the cost of it he falls deeper into the cause of a free democratic Nepal struggling to fnd a way that it can best be achieved without endangering Pema's family and Pema's own view of him. Would she put her family above the cause? His own inner turmoil in some ways represents the turmoil Nepal itself faces. I look forward to reading more. Kristin

jlbwye wrote 225 days ago

The Crier of Kathmandu.
The further I delve into your book, the more I appreciate your wonderful descriptions.
As Ross, below, has said, it's all about the journey, and what a journey!
Jane (Breath of Africa)

jlbwye wrote 233 days ago

Crier of Kathmandu. Andy. Reading into Ch.5. and beyond, the harshness of Nepali village life, and their dread of the Maoists becomes apparent. As does the reason for Ryan's gradual change of heart. You capture well his budding friendship with Yeshe.
But the pace slows, my eyes blur, and I wonder if there is any way you can convey all this in fewer words?
That's merely my instinct, which need not be true in your case.
Your way with words continues to make me breathless.
Jane. (Breath of Africa).

KGleeson wrote 235 days ago

This novel allows you to see, live and breath Kathmandu with all its exotic beauty and culture. Ryan, a westerner is captivated by the essence of Kathmandu which is exemplified in his love for the bewitching and strong willed Pema. But to get Pema he must first help her with her revolutionary activities, and that means trekking both through an emotional and physical journey that tests his principles and understanding of who he is. This is a novel of a journey one through the wonders and the dangers that is Maoist Kathmandu and also the test of one man's real understanding of himself.

There is much to like about this novel, especially how he evokes the idea of Kathmandu. Look forward to reading more. Kriistin

jlbwye wrote 244 days ago

The Crier of Kathmandu.
Andy. Your style is superb. You have Nepal to a T, and you take me right back there.
The suspense and sense of danger is tangible, and the tenderness between Ryan and Pema so romantic.
More maxi stars, and of course you're back on my shelf.
Jane (Breath of Africa).

afesmith wrote 290 days ago

This has changed quite a lot, from what I can recall. More action up front before you get into the Australia section. It works very well :-)

As I’m reading through I’m not noticing much at all in the way of nitpicks, but here they are (for what they’re worth):

Ch.1

‘He sighed. He hated confronting Chho …’ – better as ‘Ryan sighed’ to avoid any ambiguity following the previous sentence?

‘Was he one of us, they wondered, or one of them?’ – I think this would read better starting ‘Is he one of us …’ but YMMV. And ‘The man occupied …’ was the first time I began to lose the thread a bit – I mean, I know Ryan is thinking about how other people see him, but the full circle round so that he’s thinking of himself as ‘the man’ through their eyes was just a step too far for me.

‘Ryan scented the flowers below’ – reads oddly to me. Normally I’d take ‘scented’ to refer to smelling something you can’t see (‘the predator scented his prey’ or more metaphorically ‘he scented danger’). And of course ‘flowers scented the air’ means the flowers smell, not the air, which adds an extra dimension of confusion :-)

You’ve got two full stops on the very last sentence in this chapter.

Ch.2

‘Chho laid on the horn’ – leant on the horn?

‘He nodded. Schoolroom English …’ – again I’d specify Ryan here.

Love the description at the end of this chapter. In fact, overall I’m impressed by your ability to bring the setting alive.

Ch.3

‘the mountain ashes, peacock green’ – had to read this a couple of times before I understood you were talking about trees. Perhaps ‘the mountain ash trees were peacock green’?

You use a lot of semicolons. I only noticed because I use a lot of semicolons myself. Depending on the preferences/style of the person reading, you may get comments objecting to this :-)

‘… he registered a rush of wings. His ears tracked the bird roosting on the floor’ – didn’t quite follow this. The rush of wings suggested the bird had flown away, or was agitated by Ryan’s presence, which doesn’t go with the stillness of roosting.

That’s it for the first three chapters. This is a good read, polished, well written and interesting. Lots of great description and an engaging central character in Ryan. Excellent stuff!

RDillon82 wrote 294 days ago

Hi Andy,

Sorry for the delay in getting back to you, I’ve been a little busy with academic work and my own writing projects. The opening is tight and provides a good introduction to the central character with a nice touch of internalised characterisation. You write in a clear, unambiguous style that allows for a good interaction between characters and location. The descriptive elements have a nice fluidity to them, bringing the setting vividly alive.

The interaction between your main plot strands is well defined. This is demonstrated on how you have developed a full range of characters that for me at least, come across as multi-dimensional. Your dialogue is sharp and measured, conveying another side of the characters’ personalities. There is a very good work of fiction here and I wish you the best with it.

Regards
RJD
The Oktober Projekt
The Fanatic

Jay Adiyarath wrote 307 days ago

Hi Andy,

Firstly thanks for the rating and backing. Much appreciated.
The Crier of Kathmandu is an intriguing title but I soon realised I was in safe hands when you begin to describe the sights and sounds of Nepal. The prose is exotic - perfect for such a setting and I loved the little details - the rhododendrons took me back to my childhood in the Nilgiri Hills where I had schoolmates like Dorjee and Tensing. I wonder if a vernacular equivalent for The Snow Geese would be more appropriate, but it's just a thought.
I also loved the comparison of Shakespearean English to Yeshe's and sat thinking about the evolution of the language over the ages and how it will shape up in coming times as well.
17 chapters are quite adequate for an upload, let HarperCollins request for the rest.

Starred and in line for shelving.

All the best
Jay Adiyarath
EXPIRY DATE

Amy Craig Beasley wrote 336 days ago

The Crier of Kathmandu
Andy Potter


Notes as I read ....

The shout line is a little clumpy –

What about:

Love is under siege and a time of awakening is near in this politically charged action packed thriller.

Like graph 4 in the pitch – the character description draws me in.

1

Nice imagery – though Perma’s first description might should entail something more than hair – especially with the use of the colon

Cultural descriptions vivid – nicely textured – good use of imagery

The plot is growing – intriguing – good story ideas

Could use a little more info about the main character – why is he there –what is he doing
More struggles about staying and going – if he goes where will he go? What does it matter if he stays -

2

Was wanting a little more character description and development in the first graph
Maybe some sounds from outside too to build the tension and the need to leave the city

Like the insert of the blog - - might even be nice to have the book begin with the blog (have one in every chapter)

More hair descriptions of the women – huum - Also the women are given more time physically than the men – sex objects only? This may be though a part of the character development of your main character – your choice of point of view (3rd limited) may contribute to this – we see the world only through the main characters eyes and understand it with his thoughts – may be a good aspect of him to develop – a growing edge -

love the swaggering soldiers looking like urchins – but the repetition of “urchin” in connection with them gets too many reps same with the eager beaver line

Chicken is a nice detail –

Cliffhanger end is nice too – may want to describe more about the fall and the pain and the thoughts – add the tension about what medic care is like in the vicinity -

3

Intro to dad may be developed more – whenever he felt pain, he instantly heard his dad’s voice. “Pain makes people stupid. Conquer it.” Was his dad a hypocrite or had he been successful in conquering pain – was he stoic– rock like man non emotional –

terminology
glock –- depending on who your reader is – you may need to educate a little bit –Safe action pistol a top choice among small arms …
normal trekker ??? what would that look like

Capitalization of the term glock may not be necessary? “His Glock was buried in his pack …”

Can really sense the fear as the two teens are behind him – I am there – good

Nice memories of dad and the hunting here – good character development –

The move from nowhere to eating with people around was a harsh transition

Again – a nice cliff hanger ending –



Enjoyable read – interesting – the setting is the best - a

jlbwye wrote 356 days ago

Kathmandu. Your turn again at last.

Ch.7. A good old pub brawl. I like Ryan more than ever, but he only has one head to tilt, doesnt he - when talking to Lance and Roger afterwards.

Ch.8. Lance now. You have him thinking just like an ussie. Your description of the road to Perth as an empty corridor hemmed in by towering Karris takes me right back there.
A skilfull seamless dip into Lance's past, and a taste of what might come.

Ch.9. Very easy reading - the story gallops along and the Carrie coast seems clear for Ryan. But will he fall for Lance's ruse?

Ch.10. The plot thickens....

You are a consummate story teller, Andy, and your style of writing improves - if that's possible - with every chapter.
Until next ime -
Jane. (Breath of Africa)

KGleeson wrote 356 days ago

It's been a while since I was able to return this novel but in some ways I was able to approach it with fresh eyes as I read on. I found that my initial impressions of it were only strongly reaffirmed. This is a fine novel with solid plotting and a real sense of the setting. The pacing is kept throughout and the backstory is filtered in and doesn't bog the reader down so that I get a strong sense of Ryan. Placing a foreigner in such an exotic setting the reader is able to see it through Western eyes and learn its ins and outs and react to it as we would if we there. This is a very readable novel. Kristin

Kara Richards wrote 359 days ago

The name on its own was enough to pique my interest. Well written, settings beautifully described. An insight into the situation in Nepal. Exciting, love it! :D

Primrose Hill wrote 389 days ago

Chapter 2. Really glad to see you re-iterating the setting throughout. Many writers on here seem to feel that all they need is a paragraph at the beginning and that will do. I like the feeling that the people and the environment are of equal importance, which seems to permeate the writing with a Bhuddist spirit. I'm learning a bit about the political situation of Nepal, of which I know very little,( I'm even inspired to read up a bit on google.) though I'm not very sure about what Ryan's mission is - where he is going and what he wants to do there. Or even why he stays, really, apart from being in love with the place.
I think the storytelling is first class, in the way that you keep all the elements going and never forget to include sensory data and setting detail. So. My main worry is Pema - the fact that she doesn't come alive as a real character, but remains more of a muse, an extension of Ryan. I know nothing of her life. Also, the relationship. The love story between Ryan and Pema is the reader's way in to the core meaning of the conflict in Katmandhu, and into the culture. And yet you seem to be rushing the development of this relationship. You tell us they have just crossed a line from friendship, but i don't see this happening, don't feel part of it. What brings it about. I want to see it from within the two parties, otherwise it remains just part of Ryan's psyche. I haven't had time to get to know both parties and feel the way they change as the relationship develops from friendship. It's as if it happens offstage. Also, I was a bit shocked at Ryan's borrowing money to pay for Pema's studies, when we don't see her having any say in the matter. Did she ask him to do this? Is she very poor? What is she studying? Why did she begin without knowing how she would pay for it? There is too much left out here, which would throw some light on the dynamics between these two central characters.
That said, I'll gladly read on.

j. marie wrote 389 days ago

The story so far has been a delight on many levels. It reminds me of an old saying (as told to me by a Chilean refugee) "If you're not a communist by the time you're 21, you have no heart. If you're still a communist when you get to 31 you have no brains!"
It's very professional - have you submitted the manuscript to any publishers at all?
j.marie

Primrose Hill wrote 389 days ago

For me too, writing is a surrogate for travelling. And so is reading. I love books that take me somewhere else, as yours does, and right there. I love the feeling of the crowd in your first chapter. You seem to have your finger on the pulse of this place. And your exposition is clear and well-paced, and it wears its backstory lightly. Well done, my friend. I can also feel Ryan's love of the place he is having to leave. Well done my friend.
It's late, and so I'm starring i t and listing, and will come back when I've read some more. Julia

Primrose Hill wrote 389 days ago

For me too, writing is a surrogate for travelling. And so is reading. I love books that take me somewhere else, as yours does, and right there. I love the feeling of the crowd in your first chapter. You seem to have your finger on the pulse of this place. And your exposition is clear and well-paced, and it wears its backstory lightly. Well done, my friend. I can also feel Ryan's love of the place he is having to leave. Well done my friend.
It's late, and so I'm starring i t and listing, and will come back when I've read some more. Julia

Lynne Jones wrote 391 days ago

This is like taking a close-up, personal view of the world through someone else's eyes. You evoke all the locations beautifully, highlighting the distinctive characters of each. The contrast between the cultures of Nepal and Australia is brought out very well. I like the way you build up the story of Ryan's presence in Nepal without giving too much away and then switching to the backstory in Chapter 5. This gave it a cinematic feel. This is a very unusual story, full of detail.

GregScowen wrote 393 days ago

Sounds good, and I have read/heard good things about The Crier of Kathmandu. WL for a read in second half of may.

Lindsey J wrote 399 days ago

Colourful, very punchy style.Love the interaction between Ryan and Pema. You give a strong feel of Katmandoo. I could sense the blue sky and the cool air. There was nothing to stop me reading and the end of chapter one, where he packs his bags, sets the reader nicely to click onto number 2.
Lindsey. J. To Paint a White Horse

j. marie wrote 400 days ago

This is a great read - I'm sure you know already how good it is so won't lay it on. Constructive criticism may show better respect for what you've done. To wit: your prose is poetry enough. Perhaps the actual poetry weakens it? When I got to Ryan's love poem, I just wasn't sure whether you wanted me to think of him as a bad poet? If you really feel he needs to write poetry for Carry, perhaps fewer lines. Less is more sort of thing. (And I'm speaking as a woman here!) I really love the character development, the slow building plot structure, the detail, everything but the poetry.
Now reading on. j.marie

j. marie wrote 400 days ago

Delighted to find your book - one I really want to read for its own sake. You write with the effortless skill of a real pro and your story line is a solid one. You know your subject (I know Nepal enough to recognise that.) Can't stand reading a book when the writer has not researched enough. So I'm very happy to have a quality job to put on my book shelf (and now I'm off to make a cuppa and sit down with 'the crier' again.
j.marie

KGleeson wrote 411 days ago

You've evoked a wonderful atmosphere in the first chapter, evolving the characters in fairly subtle ways so that the reader feels as though he is in the midst of place. In the second chapter the action really begins as the characters fill out and the reader gets a sense of the book's movement. You create a very visual novel and I hope to read more and comment more thoroughly. Good luck with it. Kristin, Selkie Dreams

RossClark1981 wrote 413 days ago

- LF40 Review -

(Based on chapters 1-6)

The first thing that jumps out at you in The Crier of Kathmandu is the description of the setting. From the first chapter where Ryan takes a walk along the streets to the temple past exotic architecture and foliage and through the human throng of street hawkers and passersby you get the sense that this is written by someone who is fascinated by travel and foreign places. And that enthusiasm comes across to the reader. As I read, I noticed that I had the same sense of wonder about the place that I did when reading Robert Louis Stevenson or H. Rider Haggard as a boy. The people and scenery are evocative and exotic without the author having to resort to overly flowery language to paint that picture. The language is beautiful in places all the same. ‘Her skin shone like burnished cinnabar.’ – gorgeous.

There are also some very nice touches in terms of foreign language and culture. I loved the introduction of the idiom, ‘Head in clouds, feet in yak shit.’ Kudos!

The next point I noted is the delicate characterization. There’s a rough, world-weary quality to Ryan. And coming as he does complete with an estranged wife we have a the kind of archetypal, grizzled character that the best thrillers and detective stories are made of. Later on though, as we see how his relationship with his wife began in Australia, Ryan starts to become much more three dimensional for me. The flashbacks to his time with his father in Nova Scotia were also very good as a characterization device – particularly the scene where Ryan is hunting with his father. Pema - an exotic, mysterious and intelligent beauty – is great as a potential love interest. Tashi seems to work well as the malevolent bad guy.

One point I’d make as the reader is that I kept wondering, perhaps forgetting why he was going where he was going. I realize he was getting out of Dodge because of the trouble in Kathmandu but I wasn’t clear on what Ryan’s goal was, his mission or his aim – where he was headed. I definitely had the feel it was more about the journey than anything else but I wasn’t sure whether I was missing something. Maybe it was just me and I just failed to pick up on something.

Some minor points on Chapter 2
-This is where I started to feel you’d used phrases like ‘a laugh that said’, ‘eyes that said’, ‘a you’re guilty glare’ etc. a bit much. It’s my own personal taste but I’ve never liked that type of description. It’s always felt like a bit of a cop-out to me as I want the author to let me see the eyes, hear the laugh etc. so I can work it out for myself and feel like I’m there with the characters.
-‘I’ve just left Special K.’ I wasn’t sure you needed to add ‘their tag for Kathmandu’ as it was pretty clear from the context.
-I wasn’t exactly sure what happened to Ryan’s wrist at the end of the chapter. At first I thought he’d been bitten by a snake or something like that. Because I misunderstood, it kept bothering me through the next chapter as I wanted to know why he was hiding it and not seeking medical aid.

Overall, I liked reading this a lot. As I say, I had a sense of fascination for the place and the people. When you throw in language, culture and adventure you’ve definitely got something that I would buy. I liked feeling that I was learning something too. The political struggles within Nepal are well brought in without the information being too dense. At first I felt like Ryan’s having been a smuggler seemed a bit far-fetched for some reason but then it all started to make sense and feel more real, more rich, as we learn about his father’s past in Nicaragua – the apple not having fallen far from that particular tree. Yes, good, good, good. Really liked it.

Best of luck with it,

Ross



jlbwye wrote 422 days ago

Andy - It's a long time since I've visited your book.

Ch.4. Your common touches are very realistic, like the lone rooster blaring its annoyance, and the yeasty tang of the new-fallen rain meeting dry earth.
What is a temple chorten? It's not in my dictionary.
Your turns of phrase get better and better: 'the day's first ridge was a purple bruise against the dark horizon.'
And then Ryan's brutal punishment, stoically endured.

Ch.5. Oh my - right in the middle of "my" part of WA! Well, not exactly. But I've passed through that area many times, when visiting family. Those karri trees are quite something.

Ch.6. You say it all in tight sentences: 'Seemed to be a reef around that lagoon. He decided to swim clear.'
At last I've found something to suggest: I would have liked an explanation of what ties and bundles are, and how they work.

Your writing is impeccable, and your story full of interesting, authentic scenes, beautifully described. It gets better as the book progresses. What else can I say, except that your time to be re-shelved is drawing nearer. Meanwhile, multi-starred.
Jane. (Breath of Africa)

CMTStibbe wrote 423 days ago

The Crier of Kathmandu: It never ceases to amaze me the talent Authonomy has to offer, but this book outshines many. The prose is dreamy, the descriptions are sensual and Ryan’s heart-racing emotion for Pema is vivid. And I can smell the burnt sugar amongst other delicious flavors! The reader is a traveler in this country―its multi dimensional―tempting me to become absorbed in the culture. I love the dialogue and the fast pace. What a great read! Greatly starred and on w/l prior to backing. Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

Rhonda9080 wrote 439 days ago

Wow - great read! Vivid prose with fresh imagery - ran like a love-struck teen : )
"Half-damned place, struggling for heaven." Wow! Wished I'd written that!
Exceptional checkpoint scene, and sounds familiar to this former journalist and veteran of touchy war-zone roadblocks. Ryan is a character that hooks us from the beginning.I was at ease with this character in the first few paragraphs and ready to go along with him on an adventure. Plot unfolds at a rapid-fire, but viable pace. I like the way you string us along with urgency, but all threads seem to lead somewhere - good foreshadowing, done just right! I've always wanted to travel to Nepal and that region, but never have yet. You bring this adventure to life for the reader. Good work! Backed and shelved!!!

B A Morton wrote 449 days ago

Andy,
Spotted this on a friend's shelf and glad that I did. My brother met his wife in Kathmandu many years ago and it's wonderful to read your descriptions of the place. Ryan is well characterised and as at the end of ch4 the plot is picking up, with the back story cleverly woven in. Will of course be reading on, rated in the meantime and will be on my shelf in a day or two. Best of luck with this.

Babs

jlbwye wrote 452 days ago

Andy - Ch.3. Your prose continues to delight: "rustling leaves making a sieve of the sun." And you create tension well with the trio and their bullock. A good story, moving in leisurely fashion as you catch up with background and Ryan continues his journey.
Up you go onto my shelf, where you will continue in rotation with others. Wish we could have more than five at a time. Many thanks, too, for your support. Jane (Breath of Africa)

Cat091971 wrote 454 days ago

A very compelling read. Backed and rated.

Cat
Lies & Love
Twisted

J.Kinkade wrote 454 days ago

I'm too new to this to offer any value in terms of criticism. But I will say this: You my friend, can write. I've read two chapters and don't know if I'm more enthralled with your gift of lyrical prose, the mysterious setting, or the intriguing characters. They only thing I know is that I want to read more. Backed with the utmost enthusiasm.

jlbwye wrote 455 days ago

Your book reminds me vividly of the month I spent in Nepal in 2002, when we had to alter plans because of the Maoists... but it's never as bad, in the third world, as it seems to those back home, is it.
The beauteous wonders of the country, and the sensitivities of burgeoning love, are so truly captured with your words. Which language, I wonder, does Ryan hear as he circles the stupa?
Ch.2. A dip into the past to explain thepresent. I enjoyed your description of Kathmandu, "a half-damned place, striving for heaven", and your handling of the man at the checkpoint. So true. Then the humour of the chicken and the egg.
I am wallowing in your first class prose, and I intend to back you at my next shuffle (I dont do shuffles often, preferring to keep old faithfuls before my eye). I will definitely enjoy reading on, and on. Meanwhile, maxi-stars.
Thankyou for the privelege of reading this book.
Jane.

curiousturtle wrote 465 days ago

Andy,

I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and half:

The first thing that jumps here is the style. Is a moment by moment perception where every moment is a dangling act promising the next to have the same urgency....

..... and that you deliver.

The jewel of the narrative however is the psychological map of your central character's. The ebbs and flows of your central character as he goes about reconciling the attraction with the concern, the wishes with the pauses....

......and she does his grace shows.

The second jewel is stylistic: you ability to unfold sequences...be emotional or behavioral....the use of language on the move - as Updike would say - to transfer the reader to the eye of the character...so that when he moves, we move, when he feels

...we feel.

Some of my favorites:

"emanating a low hubbub"
I have never seen this which is why I liked for, If wanted to read about things I have already seen, I would take the subway...lol

"sea green eyes"

"Chho stopped outside the door...."
this whole paragraph has the kind of unfolding through body language I never get tired to championing it
why?
because when the writer unfolds...the reader feels

"as if lit by a ......"
your personal best so far...

"a dead pig floated belly up"

"the temperature dropped....."

"A curtain of drizzle...."

"sotto voce"

"His first shot winged....."
again the behavioral unfolding here delivers the goodies

Some Minor/Minorest/Minormost points:

"arrogant bearing"
I would cut a bit on the emotional labeling
Why?
Because when the writer labels an emotion, the reader reads ...the label
when he describes...the reader feels

"she was beautiful..."
I would also cut a bit on the modifiers
why?
because as Updike said: "the modern reader can fill in the blanks"
instead, let your description do the talking:
"her eyes were shinning...."
don't you think that after that marvelous description we will not get that she's beautiful?

Let me know if that helps,

Overall, wonderful

david

SPW wrote 476 days ago

Hi Andy,
This is just as good the second time round. Excellent stuff.
Backed and starred.

Simon.
Yuko Zen is Somewhere Else.

Margaret Anthony wrote 485 days ago

Read this some while ago and enjoyed it then. Whilst a thriller, it still holds a charm all of its own and looking at it again, especially as Nepal is such an enigmatic place, my opinion hasn't changed.
Sprinkling stardust and on my shelf tomorrow. Margaret.

Nigel Fields wrote 492 days ago

Andy,
I've read the first four chapters so far, the fine prose running past like water over river rock. If you were to check my favourite authors, you might realize that your writing style is right up my alley. Now, I believe it was in chapter one, there's a paragraph that begins, Ryan recalled--and we enter a relative flashback. I probably have a few of these myself, but after all the reading of the many fine writers here (like yourself), I'm finding that this approach may not be the best. Just something to ponder. Might there be a more subtle way to ease into some backstory? Not a crit. I like Ryan, has a past, yet wants to change his ways. Literary agent Donald Maass detailed in one of his books the appeal of a protagonist with a noble heart. Okay, I am happily giving this 6 stars and placing it on my WL with intent. Thank you for uploading this here. Impressive.
John B Campbell (Walk to Paradise Garden)

Jeannie200 wrote 497 days ago

Hi Andy, I picked up your book again and read through Chapter 7. I tried to find something to correct, but it is very good. I especially like the interactions with Carrie. You also have the Australian dialect down. I enjoy your use of unusual phrases and Shakespearian references. I really like "Beyond the pale", but it is seldom correctly used.

Two tiny typos: Chapter 5, a backward quotation mark "Really? You think so?"
And maybe a comma in "C'mon Ryan" ?
This one is ready for a publisher.
Jeanne Meeks
Rim ro Rim––Death in the Grand Canyon

Jeannie200 wrote 504 days ago

Andy, I've read chapters 1, 3,4. Somehow Ch.2 doesn't want to come up. I love the story, the setting, and the action and want to see what I missed in Ch. 2. A few very minor suggestions:
Chapter 1
-How about "her lips trembled" rather than "were trembling.
Chapter 3
-"...a bear hug." (period rather than comma)
- the old woman "yanked on a goat....saw (Ryan)" (rather than him-- for clarity)
-There is an errant little line between "pure and caustic"
- Very good description of the boy's first deer kill.

Ch 4
- "erstwhile husband, as she put (it)"
- I thought the Spy Tree was in Nepal. Maybe add "after that long ago breakfast, Ryan (had) climbed..." and "...he (had) settled in...chair"
- "Apparently, son had followed father" rather than was following.
- A period is missing from Mr. in several places.
- "...even though (Ryan) was a half-a-foot taller" or "even though he was a half-a-foot (shorter)"
- Maybe put "Here we go" also in italics?

I like your use of italics for his thoughts and want to learn to use that myself. I think your descriptions are great, at times poetic, it seems to be that kind of country. Excellent work. I'll star it and book it again.
Jeanne Meeks
Rim to Rim--Death in the Grand Canyon

Rheagan wrote 522 days ago

Hello Andy. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Partly because of the excellent vivid prose that made me feel I was in Kathmandu (I rather like the Far East myself), but also because the smooth flowing style you’ve adopted quickly involves the reader in a good yarn. No nits of consequence. I would buy a copy. I wish you well with this. Backed with pleasure.
Rheagan Greene – Unwelcome Consequences
PS Please read/comment on mine if you have time, thank you.