LAZY CATS

This story has the ring of truth--comes across as something that actually happened. Whether it did or it didn’t, having the ability to convey that on paper is a gift--one that few writers possess. And the writer’s voice is exceptional.

Ahh--Maggie’s a writer, and her friend Cindy is a literary agent! That can’t hurt. Like the scene with Chris, Maggie and John--the escorting. Very well put. And the woman scorned is most excellently portrayed, in deed and in thought. Great descriptive phrasing, and the dialogue comes across as believable.

Chris’s musings about what could Tracy be attracted to in Mike--this was nicely done. And I like the way you interject portions of Maggie’s computer text into the story--kept me on my mental toes (Mental toes? Sheesh! Change that to something else…but what? Ahhh--mental toes it is).

Ahh--Sarah. Write about what you know…

Chris and his nightmare--serves him right. Then a real one as he reads her journal. And he thinks she’s out to… But is she, really?

An exceptionally well written story with nice developing tension, an elegant narrative voice and strong dialogue. Felt like I was right there. There is absolutely nothing about this story that I did not like.

Shelved, of course...

Hello Jan,
This is great... very easy to read, flows along nicely. The theme is a familiar one that people can either identify with, or know somebody who has been through it. The main characters are very real, and their dialogue is natural. I sympathised with Maggie and Cindy's strong character shows through. As for what I wanted to do to Chris, well...
I shall have to read on to find out if he gets what he deserves, but I'll reshuffle my shelf and back your cats now.
Nicky

Lazy Cat

Hi Janice, Finally I get to read Lazy Cats, sorry it has taken me so long. What a treat it was as well, I loved the way you build the tension, Maggie's reaction so well played, not overdone, well described, her machinations, her decision to set up the party. The wonderful stupidity of Chris and the towels, if you didn't want me to use them, why hang them out there...absolutely perfect rendition of a man trying to understand the aesthetic sense of a woman. This is masterful stuff, a backing will follow soon, best wishes, deserves to be on the editor's desk soon - Andrew W.

Jan! I have to tell you, I chuckled at the end of Chapter 1... out loud. None of this mock LOLing... I actually snickered.

You have done a great job of pulling me into this novel. It's not usually my genre but it's interesting enough that I will have to finish it.

I can't really complain about anything in chapter 1. You show me how strong Maggie is and will be... to the bitter end... if it comes to that. You show me that she is witty, intelligent and can keep her cool even when given this terrible earth shattering news.

I am not really good at the critiquing for what is or is not there... I am usually the content editor type... like connecting the dots. And all your dots are connected, my dear.

On I will forge! *chuckle* I can already tell it's going to be an enjoyable read to the end.

Janice...Well written, you are very talented and have a wonderful way with dialogue and drawing us into the story. Your MC"s are wonderful. This seems so natural and your pace is perfect. Backed Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart..I really wonder why this isn't further up the chart

LAZY CATS - Janice, I found the beginning a bit slow and confusing but then it really locked into gear.. The reader keeps reading to see what happens to "Chris".. it kinda of struck me as John-Updike-like.. all the best in getting published.. evan (oaklane woods)

WOW! What a great plot and even better concept! I found myself enjoying this work immensely. I think you captured the thoughts of many wives that had or have cheating partners. Beautifully done and this takes a spot on my shelf. Best wishes to you on your great work!

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

Janice,

I'm terrified by how much I relate to this. I bloody wish I had it in paperback to curl up on the couch with! Hehe. A wonderfully written & paced Romance with plenty of humor, adultry and mystery to compel me on! I'm so engaged with the character of Sarah and think this is a classic page-turner. Loving it! So glad this is in the top 100 and I hope my backing will help with that damn red arrow, LAZY CATS deserves to have a green arrow all the way to the top!

I'll return soon for more, shelved for now and keeping on my WL! :)
Melanie x

Hello Janice,
This is a well written and insightful story. The premise is exciting, touching on an unbalanced mind due to a trapped relationship. A lot has been said about this story, but like Anna karenina, you dealt with the character of Maggie very well and with characterization in general. It is a smooth flowing story that made effective use of dialogue and narrative and is weaved around a brilliant plot . Rightly shelved.

All the best.

Janvier (Flash of the sun)

Lazy Cats--
Janice,
I happened upon this book and must say I'm enjoying it so far. Ahh "Hell hath no fury like a women scorned." I think a lot of us can relate to the feelings that Maggie's having. You paint the scene well and I can't even pick out a single nit pik, that's because I was engrossed in the plot. You do a good job at keeping the tension and the storyline moving. I think as a reader I was yelling at Maggie to rip into him as he got out of the shower..but no....you keep the tension going. Great hook of an ending btw.
On my shelf.
~Krista Darrach
--Riley's Gift

Yees - thank goodness never been there or done that but can empathise with Maggie. Love the first half sentence - and the context. Maggie sdounds as if she deserves something better than her husband! You describe her shock and reactions extremely well liked the telephone in the drawer with the potholders! and felt for her sinking to the base of her shower... Promise of a good story would lure me on to read as much as possible. Good luck with this. Marion

Great stuff! I read the first three chapters and I'm hooked. Maggie is a great character. I can certainly relate to using writing to cope with horrible events and a little wish fulfillment. I can't see anything to critique. Shelved.

Janice

What an appealing title and pitch.
And there is real energy in your writing. This is very accessible and flows beautifully. In particular, I found the shower scene very touching. Ok, you got me already!
I think you have a real knack with characterisation and I feel for Maggie very early on. Her husband returning fills me with dread for what may happen to them. What a page-turner, you’ve got here!
I don’t look for typos and didn’t notice any but that’s not my area.
I read enough to know this s will go on my 'read more' pile and this definitely should be higher in the charts. You have my vote.

Thanks for the read.
Shelved with my best wishes,
David
Green Ore

Hi Janice!

Aw, poor Maggie... You describe her anger, disgust, sick-in-the-stomach feeling so well! I already hate her husband and I've only begun to read! What a lousy man...

This is exactly the type of book I would read for enjoyment. You're right on target for the audience you are trying to reach. Your short and long intro are perfect in detailing the story, then you do a fantastic job of getting right to the point early in the book.

Well done - shelved!

Kim
Invisible Justice

The beginning pulls you in. This book is written for women, Maggie represents every woman's fear and you portray her excellently.
i will be leaving this on my WL and dipping in later for more.

T.L. Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

BACKED!

I am excited to read this. It's on my WL but I have to wait till I get home to delve into it!

The Synopsis and pitch has drawn me in.

Jan,

This is outstanding. Whew, I wouldn't want to be in Chris's shoes. I've just read the first three chapters, and more than enough to know this one stands above most books on authonomy. Maggie is way out of Chris's league. She's tough as nails, but smart enough to play it cool. She sets up that party, and, reading this, I can feel the tension in that room. Great stuff.

Your writing is excellent.
On my shelf.
Mark

The thing that rang most true for me about this book is the writer's desire to capture their feelings in text, but then feeling guilty for writing them down, wondering if these rants will hurt their loved ones, even if they did infict pain upon them first...but then hitting that "save" button anyway. ha. Genuine writing. WL>

Janice,

The reality in this book is stark. It's almost painful to read because so many women have been where Maggie is. You create a very real situation with genuine dialogue. I like that Maggie isn't afraid to confront the situation head on instead of just ignore it.

I couldn't find anything I would change.

On my self,

ML

Chapter 1:
When they are talking, since there are only the two of them no need to say “he said”, “she admonished” ? , “She mused”
and so on.
When she replied “Of course.” It is obvious she know who he is talking about.
Chapter 2:
“They were relaxing by the side of the pool.” You are telling not showing.
Put this sentence further down, when they are using the sun block cream, and wave it in.
The word “Maggie” appears nearly 50 times.

In the MS: Drop as many “then” as possible.

It needs a little polishing before it reaches the Editors’ Desk.

All the best with it.

Shelved because I really like the way you're building Maggie's descent into darkness and the juxtaposition of truth and fiction, art imitating life, but reversed.

However, I think you can deepen Maggie's motivations. For example, in c.1 she decides not to confront him. Why? I think you need to explain this more. I think this because I've been there, the "victim" of a cheating husband (in my case, I never felt victimized; I just felt that he was a fool). But in that situation, one thinks about a lot of things, including whether it might not be a good idea to stay in the relationship permanently and put up with a philandering husband, or whether one should bide one's time for the confrontation (e.g., in the situation where you're not self-supporting and the guy might get nasty and hide his assets, etc. so you need to collect copies of bank records, etc. to help your shark lawyer sue the pants off the son-of-a-bitch), and, of course, whether you can find a way to kill the bastard. Some women blame themselves and try even harder to please, to win him back. By deepening her motivation, you'll build more rooting interest for her, I think.

A personal nit: I hate bile; I think there are much fresher ways to express her initial feelings.

I wish I had time to read the whole thing. I suspect I'm going to love it.

Cheers,
Sheryl (comments on mine? backing optional)

Janice, I'm reading your book and I have to say, I'm shelving this and your next to go on my bookshelve. I like the story, think is written well with lots of imagery and the dialogue is good. I will probably finish reading this book even when it sets on my shelf. Great read.

I love the premise for this book and look forward to reading more. Shelved for now.

Your pitch was good, in fact good enough to have me WL it. I will begin reading ch 1 tomorrow morning when my mind is fresh. It sounds like a story I like reading; crime with romance. Good. I'll get back to you tomorrow after I've read a couple or more of your chapters.

I really enjoyed this...read it in one sitting. I am eager to see what happens when Maggie gets back home. It's hilarious that Chris actually thinks Maggie is out to kill him. Fiction is Fake, that's what I tell my students. The things guilt will lead you to... I am backing this up - happy to put it on my shelf. Good luck!

Though it's not listed in the genre, I wonder if you don't also want to include this as a comedy, a comedy of manners, with its satirical look at male/female and female/female relationships. Just a thought.

I like the opening, her rage pounding on the keys. And the bit about the bath towel is classic; just like us women to get mad at something small, substituting for something real.

Chris and Cindy: two names that both start with a C. And both 5 letters long. And adding to the mix, they're both feminine. A reader's eye does a shorthand, recognizing the architecture of the word. Strongly suggest you change one of the names. It actually does cause confusion; at best, it asks an additional effort of the reader to concentrate all the more. (Not my theory, though I'd love to take the credit, but an esteemed writing coach who knows her stuff inside and out.)

she paddled [think you mean "padded"] across the carpeted floor

She can't see the wind lifting her own hair off her shoulders unless she looks down. But she can FEEL it.

I like the pacing, Maggie, the mouthpiece, and wish you well with this project. Shelved.

Sadly only had an hour on this top stuff book, but no problem .have it to hand on my watchlist, all your other comments cover my view. I will have to back this

Thank goodness I have never been in Maggies shoes and your excellent portr ait of a betrayed wife made me very glad that I havent.
The story unfolds beautyifully,giving us glimpses of Chris and Cindy and the 'other' woman as they come and go in the narrative. The planned party went too well for me I was waiting with anticipation of a showdown, which is yt to come. The glimpses we are given of what Maggie has written on her computor as she vents her anger is a great device. You lead uson ... buliding up interest waiting for the show!
Cindy's character is successful as a contrast to Maggie's together they form a powerful duo On my shelf Marion

Wow, no beating about the bush - straight into the ball-kicking thick of it from the word go! This is very powerful and engaging - the characters are really great and I love the way you've allowed the protagonist to do what the reader hopes she will...Go Maggie!!

Great stuff, its shelved.

Rikki

At last! At the end of Chapter 1 we have a scene. Prior to that you have introspection, back story, jumping backwards and forwards in time, a single paragraph change of Point of view. And all written in completely distant kind of tell (although you chuck in some feelings nad internal dialogue occasionally).

Big confrontation scene...and a damp squib! Is she a doormat?

Only reason to read on is that the blurb promises some shamefully exciting sex. Where's that gone?

Hi Janice.
I like your clear, no-nonsense prose and snappy sentences. The style of this fits perfectly with your subject matter. There's a lot of polish here and great writing talent, mostly the book reads flawlessly. I only noticed a few grammatical and punctuation nit-picks. From the start I was rooting for Maggie but by the end of ch 2 I was beginning to wonder about her. I like having my preconceptions challenged and I think you insinuate the doubt very subtly. Great stuff, and definitely shelf-worthy.
Now for those nit-picks:
ch 1
'if it would have been anyone else..' if it *had been* anyone else.
'But Cindy would never..' 'But even so..' two sentences beginning with 'but'.
'giving into the hollow sobs..' giving * in to*.
'bunched up her pillow, straightened her twisted..' *and* straightened..
ch 2
'Maggie could only shake her head..' you have this action of Maggie's on the same line as Cindy's speech when it ought to be on a separate line. Then Maggie's next speech can follow her own action.
'her Grandmother's home..' lower case 'g' as in this case, Grandmother is not being used as a name.
'catch her friend's attention. Maggie motioned..' delete the period, add a comma.
bulging breast...*breasts*.
'let him wonder. She thought to herself..' delete period, insert comma.
Happy to shelve this, Janice. Might I ask for reciprocal comments on KING'S ENVOY?
Cas.

Janice,

I saw a film recently called 'The Women' with a host of current a-list females including Meg Ryan, Eva Mendes, Candice Bergen, Bette Midler and Annette Benning. The plot was basically about the aftermath of a woman being told by a friend that her husband is having an affair and her subsequent genteel and allegedly hilarious revenge.

It was pants.

I wish the producers had been given your manuscript. You have a wonderful fresh take on the story. You have a smart cast of clearly defined characters, witty dialogue and sharp description of both people and places. The death by ink angle is very original to me and gives plenty of scope for misunderstandings and mystery and general suspense.
I read all that you posted because I felt I had to and enjoyed it.

I would suggest a rigourous re-read to pick up typos and a few incorrect words but minor things only. You do drop in a few more than obvious 'tells' regarding the character eg the reason Maggie has no kids. Some of these could do with a polish to blend them better. You also occasionally state the obvious eg when cindy says something strong-willed you then tell us she is strong willed. Again a re-read will fix these.

My only major issue would be with the opening few paragraphs, they are a bit confusing and therefore less than enticing. The chapter is great once it gets going but I would worry about the opening being sufficient to grab a reader in a bookstore or an editor for that matter.

Overall, a fine read and there should be more books where the heroes are writers

I will shelve you and watch your progress (and if you get a call from Hollywood, I can play the suave older man)

All the best
Stephen

Oh yeah as the song goes, Earl had to die. What a story, you wrote it so well, it confirms my feelings about men in general. Not too good coming from a man right? Good job keep up the good work and good luck. I always enjoy books written about writers. I've got to try one. Kennesaw

I love the premise of this story - the idea that someone would think that an authors writing is firmly based on what they'd really do rather than what they could never do. I wnjoyed the first chapter, so I'm going to shelve it for a while.
Ed (Mutant Toe)

Jan,
Lazy Cats notes:
oh poor Maggie...horrible situation to be in.
nice...a tale of revenge no doubt...love the thought already.
glad you got to the dinner party right away...
I'm so hungry for the revenge...got me all wrapped up in it...good job.
and then the twist...wonderful...could really mess up his life...still reading to see...
hm, possibly I'm not reading closely enough...feel like I am...but it becomes a bit muddled to me...so she's writing this revenge dinner party...or nothing happened at the party?? no i can see it says morning after the party...hm, wonder why you ended the party without explaining why or what happened with her revenge plot.
Ugh, deprived of the fun of experiencing the revenge boooo hisss!
but then building a mild concern for her husband...I see.
some great twists here Jan...definitely a good one to keep a reader reading. I'd never have picked up a book like this in a bookstore...wouldn't have been in that section (no offense) but I'm really happy to have read yours.Can easily see this one selling. Best of luck with it. and am shelving just because I'd intended on reading 3 but had to stop to get back to work at the end of 5.
-=Bradley Wind ( A Calculated Embellishment)

Hi Janice, I logged in to read 1 or 2 chapters and am totally hooked, on chapter 7 and counting! I love the complexity of the characters and the way you have taken a theme so many women (even those not married!) can identify with and twist it into a riveting story that runs so seamlessly. I haven't looked up from the text yet! Oh and I LOVE the title! Lazy cats is going on my book shelf, if I can work out how to use that function, only a new authonomy user! Best of luck with it!

I love the way you mix the profound (her belief her husband is cheating and her feeling betrayed) with the mundane (to hell with the electric bill! and the third time the bar of soap slipped in the shower). Because that is what happens -- you get a jolt like this, but the minutiae of life marches on.

And, of course, your central premise -- that she writes about revenge but doesn't do it in real life -- well, isn't that what we all do in our writing?

Your dialogue is very good, the way Maggie talks to Chris when he returns, dropping words as hints, emphasizing certain words, expecting him to read her mind and know where she is coming from. His using the wrong towel and saying, well, then why did you hang it there. Perfect domestic nitpicking. You have obviously been married!

A dazzling tour into what promises to be a domestic nightmare. Shelved.

Have that same problem, shooting pain between shoulder blds but to my fingers. Well I got through the first chptr very easily and was enjoyable. I can empathize with this theme as much as anyone and I think your going to get published helping and entertaining many people. A real life book. I wished I had time to read it all, but I skimmed it to your end. TY. Marco

This is super. So well written and what an intruiging pitch. That alone had me hooked. You write well, you do characters and dialogue well ... Sorry this is so short, but what's not to back when everything's this good? Nuff said.

This world of yours, Jan, here in Lazy Cats, is gripping ... and scary! And you know what? You've written from the minds of the women, whereas I, in "On Your Feet", have attempted to write from the mind of one of the guys, the narrator. Sexuality and desire are about point of view, I reckon. Probably not the point at all of your book, but hey!, we read the novel we need to read, right?

I love the scorned woman thing you do. It resonates with me, having provoked a fair bit myself! Enough said, but you may just care to dip into "On Your Feet"!

I'm gonna stop there, although I could go on. I am so enjoying your work, Jan, and it's churning me up, some. Thank you for writing LCs. You sure are a writer.

James

Hell hath no fury...!
Just read your first ch. Very enjoyable. Life-like and and tense. A few corrections - no big deal - are these: To say, AND straightened her nightgown.... flows that particular sentence better than its preceeding comma.

When it's obvious who speaks, tags seem intrusive. If you do keep them, they need a comma, not a full stop, as in, "....he asked. Drying the beads of moisture...."

"He shrugged" might work just as well as "He gave his own shoulders a shrug."

I apologize if I seem nitpicky. I do this in the spirit of respect.

hello Jan. Scott from Sapphire Throne here. As requested, I've had a look at Crazy Cats. What a fun read. Amusing at times. Not at all my choice of read (I usually think 'why don't they just get divorced and spare us all the angst'), but I can see talent when I...er......see it. I love the book plot within the book plot and I would quite happily read this on to the end. I'll put it on my shelf for a bit,
Scott.

Hi Jan,
This story is showing great promise, you obviously have an eye for characterisation.
One or two missing commas but commas are not my strong point so I'll leave it to someone else to point out.
I was a bit confused about the paragraph 'When Chris called from the plane ...' Are we suddenly seeing this paragraph from Chris's point of view? Or is Maggie imagining him eyeing up the stewerdess?
Personally I would like to see Maggie's 'cool reception' rather than be told about it. I think this is to do with show and tell.
A wonderful example of where you get this right is Maggie's dialogue when she accuses him of using the wrong towels. This shows us so much more about her picky, obsessive personality and it furthers the story. Not once have you told us she is obsessive but we know all right.
I think this needs a bit more work but as there are moments where it absolutely shines, I'm popping it on my shelf!
All the best
Mandy
X

Janice -

I'm through six chapters, and here's my thoughts.

You've done a wonderful job of making Maggie's hurt and betrayal a palpable thing, almost material in existence. It would be very hard for anyone to not relate to how hurt Chris makes her feel, or how vengeful she could be in writing. I always say writing is some of the best therapy in the world because you can do whatever you like without repercussions. Maggie is living up to this.

The storytelling is quite tense, like walking on eggshells. It's perfect for the circumstances you portray. Tracy comes across as a very unlikeable character, which is probably your whole intention.

There's a couple of issues that might require attention. There's some minor grammatical fixes that need to be done, mostly typos that need fixing. One big thing I would look at, if I were you, is the dinner party scene, because there's an awful lot of exposition in the narration. The narrative POV seems to be a third-person limited, but at points during the dinner party it becomes a third-person omniscient, which seems to kill the momentum of the scene a bit. Truth is, I'm not entirely sure of how you could fix this, but there's probably one way or another to resolve this so that it does not bring the narrative to a screeching halt.

Regardless of that, I commend you for good work. I hope your lazy cats don't mind my hyper ones when I put them on my shelf.

Don A. Martinez
(The Advance Guard)

The Pitch promises an interesting story :) Maggie represents that part of every woman who hopes never to come across that situation. He character comes off clean as I read. Good dialogue. Strong characters. Well done. Shelf worthy. Gotta love a character who writes :p

Gina

Hi Janice,

I enjoyed reading the first chapter of LAZY CATS. Poor Maggie - she's obviously going through a difficult time in her life. I like the way you plunge the reader straight into the center of her dilemma.

One suggestion I have is that you might want to consider 'showing' rather than 'telling'. Use action and dialogue to develop and introduce the main character. This is a difficult technique to master, especially when your main character is alone in the house, but perhaps you could focus in on a few of Maggie's possessions, or more importantly, Maggie's current perspective on those possessions as she grapples with her husband's affair.

Again, I enjoyed reading the first chapter and look forward to reading more.

I ended up reading four chapters... you've got an easy read going here which is good and rare. I'm very curious to find out what happens! I love the cab driver; I hope he reappears at some point!
Good plot Janice and I love how strong Maggie is... so many female characters are portrayed as such victims... this is refreshing!

- 'obviously understanding her friend's message'... the fact that she makes a move makes it obvious that she understood.
- I assumed that the affair between Chris and Tracy was over but towards the end of Chapter 2, it seems that she is with Mike. This is a bit confusing!

Hey Janice (I almost called you Sarah!),
I'm going to make comments here as I go along because my memory isn't great and I'm tucked up in bed sans pen or paper.

- 'even the mascara running down her face'- funny, funny.
- I like way she cracks when she drops the soap for the third time. Maybe you could expland on/ dramatise this?
- I like the idea of her 'alter ego', Sarah... if she is venting everything through this character, maybe you could create more of a contrast between them... as in, Sarah does everything Maggie doesn't have the guts/ strength/ whatever to do. Maybe have Maggie act normally and reveal what is really happening in the story she is writing. A story within a story.
God I talk a lot!
- I like the way the first chapter ends- good suspense.
- You don't do it much but we're all guilty of this... don't tell the reader so much as showing him/ her. For example, instead of telling us what a loudmouth Cindy is, use dialogue or actions to show us.
OK, on to the second chapter...

Hello Janice

Having just read the first chapter of this book, I can certainly state categoricall that it does NOT belong on the 'Crap Books' list!

Although not realy my kind of thing (it seems to be aimed at a predominantly female market), it is certainly well written and, flicking through further chapters, has interesting and well-drawn characters (especially Maggie).

In short, this is well deserving of a place on my shelf!

God Bless -
Stephen

i will be honest, i wasnt sure if it was going to be my sort of book from reading the blurb. from reading it, i realised straight away it isnt. However, dont take that as bad! it is unfortunate that it isnt my type of book, but i can honestly say i can see the attraction for so many others. all i can say is, keep going with it because i think it will satisfy a LOT of people out there

Hello,
Certainly. I've added Lazy Cats to my watch list too.
From the synposis it sounds an interesting read.
Best of luck,
Rebecca

Was more than happy to shelve this a day or two ago. :^) Other than what I messaged you, I have nothing else to offer other than Bravo and keep up the good work.

Jonathan
"Martuk ... The Holy"