The Solitaire Players

This opening had me thinking before I had even got going if only because for me it was unusual:

“They didn't need him to be any kind of real and neither did I. Fine, if he pixilated everything like it was local TV news.
He was saying, "If we didn't want the world to be exactly the way it is, it wouldn't be."
He had suggested that the mall was about more than mall rats. One of his friends had balked at that with a smile, and walked away....
Jack said, "Let's all not be mall rats" -- keeping things obscure and generic.”

Now this is how I might have expected the book to start:

“It was a dry, hot day last June. The suburbs were trying to offer another empty one, so they were inventing something else. They were at the mall to see a carnival in the parking lot. They walked around drinking paper cups of coffee from a shop inside, randomly commenting on things. Michael wasn't there, but some of his aunt and uncle's old rides were. Nina was recording random sound for him to sample.”

But here’s the thing. That reads like a traditional opening but not only is it NOT the opening; it is also far from traditional in its content. Or put another way, this was clearly not going to be an ordinary read in any way.

I found all this riveting by its strangeness:

“They wouldn't be making themselves, "...the 'value-added' on merchandise, even if that might pay the rent." That is, they wouldn't be anything like the people who were, "...taking a percentage of what's on the price tag for a torque wrench as compensation for a few minutes of showing people how to really enjoy using one ...or how to enjoy something about me -- if I'm doing the demo -- that might be remotely related to hand tools ...or books ...or an amazing new moisturizer..." None of them would be campaigning to "...get elected Floor Leader."...
They wouldn't be "...taking a chit that's equal to a comp and trading that for a supply of pizzas." And they wouldn't be "...like the non-charisma people, trying to move up the ranks a little just by the grace of their 'shopper participation.'"”

The dialogue in the narration is equally unusual at least for this cocooned reader:

“She had heard a couple of sound-bites.
From a suit: "We hadn't anticipated being null with some people."
From a teen: "They don't do anything. They don't want anything. Why can't they just go away?"
When Mrs. Bert got inside the mall, she tried to pick out the troublemakers, but couldn't. ('What am I? What should I not do?')”

Or this:

“When they caught up with Nina, Jack put his chin down and smirked, "I didn't know it was loaded."
Nina said, "Cute," and then she asked Bobby, "Think he'll work it out?" But Jack answered.
"I don't want to be there when that wears off."
Bobby dropped into a big chair. "Where was I when all the really good self-deception was handed out?"
Nina said, "When are you going to start leaving bad faith to the experts?"
Jack added, "No DIY."
Nina wondered further, "Who needs you to feel like you're getting it all wrong?"...
He started taking the hint, playing a role, but without much of the enthusiasm, "Stay tuned to meet all of our contestants. Next, on this week's Justify Your Existence."”

This is simply fascinating.

And continues to be so:

“I want to at least put an editor's note at the beginning -- for my own continuity-of-thought, if for no one else's. And it's much easier to think toward a broad audience, so the note would be to "Whomever."
Something like:
I was given the material presented here by my sister, who is [a lawyer with; partner in?] [Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Hungadunga, and McCormick], for the purposes of clarification. She has a personal interest in seeing it put in some kind of functionally coherent order to aid in understanding how her office might proceed in preparing briefs for the client: This man's erstwhile publisher. Some of its cursory nature is due to time constraints.
I have tried not to interfere with what this man was trying to tell us, but as an editor of fiction, I felt that it was appropriate to revise some of the syntax and may have inadvertently distorted the meaning or intention in small parts of the original text, which I take full responsibility for. Very often here, phrases in sentences, or whole sentences that begin and end some sections were replaced to aid the basic continuity. (Text [in brackets] is mine.) This edition was produced without the normal consultation that a writer has with his or her editor. John Morganstern was not available to me for any discussion.”

When I read this:

“My main occupation at the paper was “fact checking,” which involved a lot of what you might think would be an editor’s job. Call me a “copy editor,” if you like, but even that’s not it.”

I thought that anything I might say to describe this book might well be suffixed with “but even that’s not it.”

The interpolations too deserve a special mention:

“(‘Do I seem like I belong here? Name-tag in a pocket. They ready for me to reach in for it? Better let them give me a cue.’)...
(‘Rude Boy, life is good? Or is it just unrealistically convenient? What are you doing here in June, Rudy? Is everybody working on some new reindeer game? Somebody get this reindeer a drink.’)...
(‘Maybe I should have lived in a time when survival mostly meant persistence.’)
(‘It was the girl...‘)
(‘Nina. Her name is Nina. Where... ?)”

So you have a narrative inside a narrative along with the surreal nature of some of this. A unique style, completely novel in my view. When I read this:

“I saw that I should just let her do this her way. “Okay. I’ve been figuring I’ll want to know about all of you, but let’s start with you. What made you able to do your part?””

I found myself thinking that we should just let this author do things his way-- and be glad of it.And when I read this:

“Right about here, I was given a role to play. I became a convenient stand-in the average narrow dolt, as well as some one wanting to find some refuge. And now I was sure that all the rhetoric had to do with Nina finding her regular equilibrium; balancing that day’s unthinkable with the most thoughtful kinds of rationalization she had. I know I wasn’t ready to be entirely conscious of what could have happened, so we were both grabbing at reason, however speculative.”

I felt something similar. Is this junk or is there something startling and original going on here. I have spent far more time than usual on this book and I still feel I should like to read it all, probably twice, before I could be certain. There is no question that this book should be backed. I just have a feeling it demands even more.

Backed.

Hello Kenny,

Three chapters read and I see an enjoyable story crafted on a very fascinating premise and written in a confident and engaging manner. With a little polish and tightening, this book's full brilliance will make it even more appealing. An example is in the pitch:
.....Can John Morganstern's friends (can...get rid of it) live for each other’s ....

Overall, this is a compelling story. Rightly shelved.

All the best.

Janvier (Flash of the Sun)

If you're trying to figure out a genre I'd say lit fiction which is so lose of a term. You have a very nice relaxed style. Sometimes too relaxed, as I'm not being drawn in quickly enough.

I'm also finding I have no real sense of time or place. Interment camp, mall rats, and cable are throwing me off. Are they in detention, rehab? Plus, how old are these kids? Sorry if I'm not getting what the point is, please remember this is just my humble opinion. Probably above my head. But I just see a bunch of kids having adult conversations without the benefit of alcohol or drugs. ( which was the norm in my teen intellectual days.)

I can offer a few technical nick picks to help you do some housekeeping.

Watch the unnecessary words, "had and "that". read your third paragraph without them... it remains the same, but cleaner. Other places of not important use.."I had seen"...why not..."I saw"... I'm also not sure about the punctuation in that sentence.

There was an odd shift ( I expected Nina) from 3rd to 1st person. This can be fixed I guess if you use italics and make it a thought.

who had a better chance (?)

My best advice is to listen to the crits as they come and make chances accordingly. You'll get it straightened out so even the most simple readers, like myself can enjoy and obviously worthy piece of commentary.

"The other day, somebody tried to say, 'I can read you like a book.'" "Did you ask them what page they're on?" Wonderful dialogue. This story is told very eloquently. WL.

Ken: you have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch works. Have you thought with the long pitch of using that first sentence to be the last sentence of the pitch? The writing is good so I am SHELVING

Umm... Yeah. That's great. But the story is mostly about doing art without all the baggage about selling. Have a good read, and more than that, try to have a good write, without a lot of worry.

-Kenny

Where has this been hiding. I'll be honest it took me a while to get into it, but I'm so glad I percevered with it. Your writing flows really well and your premise promises the reader will want to know what happens to John and his friends.

Great read that I'm happy to shelve.
Melxx
Impeding Justice

Ken: you have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch works. Have you thought with the long pitch of using that first sentence to be the last sentence of the pitch? The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

SOLITAIRE PLAYERS
This is a story that takes a little while to get into because it’s composed of one person (Morganstern) writing about two others so it doesn’t have the strong sense of immediacy of many books (everything happened in the past and is being reported rather than happening in front of the reader’s eyes). That said, it has good characters and engaging writing. It’s a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

The premise and opening chapters really captured my attention. Very impressive! Eloquent dialogue, stellar characters, riveting plot, strong opening chapters. Shelved for its promise.

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

Each of your first three chapters has a distinct style slightly different from the pervious ones. In chapter one there's a group of people hanging out - Nina, Jack, Davie, Bobby, Michael, and more? They seem to be idle - hanging out, playing poker, talking big ideas. I found it interesting and you don't waste any words. Stylistically, it's sound - didn't find any errors or typos. I suggest to most people that they should cut more words. Here I might suggest adding some just to give each character some trait to make them distinct from the rest. If I were to guess their ages - right out of college? Not sure.

The second chapter switches gears altogether and we're reading emails. In the third we're reading Morganstern. I'm interested in this. I had to read your blurb again to see the direction this is heading - Geroge King - Rock Star to Governer of the Golden State. Sounds possible. Switch rock star to actor and it's today. It sounds to me as if this piece is a satire of our political system - time to trash the Democrats and Repulicans and start a new party - the Tupperware Party. Hey, we need to shake things up. I'm in. You've got my vote.

The explanations are actually fairly simple, even if the text isn't: I've known people to think and talk like that, and then some. The project is a tribute to them and speculation about was/is not. Further, the conceit of the first-person narrative is of an unreliable -- probably crazy -- "reporter," in multiple senses of that word.

Your comments are invaluable, in being a gauge to how accessible this story can be. Even if I should have much ambition in the book market, I'm probably not capable of telling the story I need to, that way. This -- more than the above -- is my excuse. Thoughts like yours temper whatever regret. I hope there's enough in the work for anybody willing.

I'm backing Intentions on its originality -- my prime criteria and that of my imaginary friends; the redemption of the real folks who inspired them.

-Kenny

...been limiting myself to three chapters...

"...sorry I could not travel both and be one..." then? (In It For The Holidays looks like a rocky road.)

I'm not keeping up with the reading well at all, but I can click the "add to watchlist" link and promise with the best of 'em. I'm admitting to being here more for the discussion than the marketing, so I wish our bookshelves held way more than the five -- if you know what I mean.

Glad you're at 3, happy to be up from total obscurity at 1400-whatever...

-Kenny

This opening had me thinking before I had even got going if only because for me it was unusual:

“They didn't need him to be any kind of real and neither did I. Fine, if he pixilated everything like it was local TV news.
He was saying, "If we didn't want the world to be exactly the way it is, it wouldn't be."
He had suggested that the mall was about more than mall rats. One of his friends had balked at that with a smile, and walked away....
Jack said, "Let's all not be mall rats" -- keeping things obscure and generic.”

Now this is how I might have expected the book to start:

“It was a dry, hot day last June. The suburbs were trying to offer another empty one, so they were inventing something else. They were at the mall to see a carnival in the parking lot. They walked around drinking paper cups of coffee from a shop inside, randomly commenting on things. Michael wasn't there, but some of his aunt and uncle's old rides were. Nina was recording random sound for him to sample.”

But here’s the thing. That reads like a traditional opening but not only is it NOT the opening; it is also far from traditional in its content. Or put another way, this was clearly not going to be an ordinary read in any way.

I found all this riveting by its strangeness:

“They wouldn't be making themselves, "...the 'value-added' on merchandise, even if that might pay the rent." That is, they wouldn't be anything like the people who were, "...taking a percentage of what's on the price tag for a torque wrench as compensation for a few minutes of showing people how to really enjoy using one ...or how to enjoy something about me -- if I'm doing the demo -- that might be remotely related to hand tools ...or books ...or an amazing new moisturizer..." None of them would be campaigning to "...get elected Floor Leader."...
They wouldn't be "...taking a chit that's equal to a comp and trading that for a supply of pizzas." And they wouldn't be "...like the non-charisma people, trying to move up the ranks a little just by the grace of their 'shopper participation.'"”

The dialogue in the narration is equally unusual at least for this cocooned reader:

“She had heard a couple of sound-bites.
From a suit: "We hadn't anticipated being null with some people."
From a teen: "They don't do anything. They don't want anything. Why can't they just go away?"
When Mrs. Bert got inside the mall, she tried to pick out the troublemakers, but couldn't. ('What am I? What should I not do?')”

Or this:

“When they caught up with Nina, Jack put his chin down and smirked, "I didn't know it was loaded."
Nina said, "Cute," and then she asked Bobby, "Think he'll work it out?" But Jack answered.
"I don't want to be there when that wears off."
Bobby dropped into a big chair. "Where was I when all the really good self-deception was handed out?"
Nina said, "When are you going to start leaving bad faith to the experts?"
Jack added, "No DIY."
Nina wondered further, "Who needs you to feel like you're getting it all wrong?"...
He started taking the hint, playing a role, but without much of the enthusiasm, "Stay tuned to meet all of our contestants. Next, on this week's Justify Your Existence."”

This is simply fascinating.

And continues to be so:

“I want to at least put an editor's note at the beginning -- for my own continuity-of-thought, if for no one else's. And it's much easier to think toward a broad audience, so the note would be to "Whomever."
Something like:
I was given the material presented here by my sister, who is [a lawyer with; partner in?] [Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Hungadunga, and McCormick], for the purposes of clarification. She has a personal interest in seeing it put in some kind of functionally coherent order to aid in understanding how her office might proceed in preparing briefs for the client: This man's erstwhile publisher. Some of its cursory nature is due to time constraints.
I have tried not to interfere with what this man was trying to tell us, but as an editor of fiction, I felt that it was appropriate to revise some of the syntax and may have inadvertently distorted the meaning or intention in small parts of the original text, which I take full responsibility for. Very often here, phrases in sentences, or whole sentences that begin and end some sections were replaced to aid the basic continuity. (Text [in brackets] is mine.) This edition was produced without the normal consultation that a writer has with his or her editor. John Morganstern was not available to me for any discussion.”

When I read this:

“My main occupation at the paper was “fact checking,” which involved a lot of what you might think would be an editor’s job. Call me a “copy editor,” if you like, but even that’s not it.”

I thought that anything I might say to describe this book might well be suffixed with “but even that’s not it.”

The interpolations too deserve a special mention:

“(‘Do I seem like I belong here? Name-tag in a pocket. They ready for me to reach in for it? Better let them give me a cue.’)...
(‘Rude Boy, life is good? Or is it just unrealistically convenient? What are you doing here in June, Rudy? Is everybody working on some new reindeer game? Somebody get this reindeer a drink.’)...
(‘Maybe I should have lived in a time when survival mostly meant persistence.’)
(‘It was the girl...‘)
(‘Nina. Her name is Nina. Where... ?)”

So you have a narrative inside a narrative along with the surreal nature of some of this. A unique style, completely novel in my view. When I read this:

“I saw that I should just let her do this her way. “Okay. I’ve been figuring I’ll want to know about all of you, but let’s start with you. What made you able to do your part?””

I found myself thinking that we should just let this author do things his way-- and be glad of it.And when I read this:

“Right about here, I was given a role to play. I became a convenient stand-in the average narrow dolt, as well as some one wanting to find some refuge. And now I was sure that all the rhetoric had to do with Nina finding her regular equilibrium; balancing that day’s unthinkable with the most thoughtful kinds of rationalization she had. I know I wasn’t ready to be entirely conscious of what could have happened, so we were both grabbing at reason, however speculative.”

I felt something similar. Is this junk or is there something startling and original going on here. I have spent far more time than usual on this book and I still feel I should like to read it all, probably twice, before I could be certain. There is no question that this book should be backed. I just have a feeling it demands even more.

Backed.

Hi Kenny!

The chaotic style of your writing makes this a very interesting piece to read. It's good, inventive, and a very refreshing change of pace from the norm here. I'm happy to shelf this for its originality, and wish you the best of luck with this!

Kim
Invisible Justice

...it's testimony to the diversity of this place...

Thank you so much for that. That's one of the most important contributions I want to make. Very satisfying to be associated with it. I hope we're encouraging other people to be original, despite whatever marketing problems it can create.

-Kenny

This is original, off-the-wall writing, Kenny, and I like it. As a journalist of sorts, Morganstern appeals ... but truth is often much stranger than fiction ... and even more so if one has to invent/elaborate/contrive what one sends to ones editors. For me, it's great to delve into The Solitaire Players - it's testemony to the diversity of this place and quite a welcoming breath of fresh air. Backed with pleasure - Phil Rowan (Weimar Vibes)

I like the tone of cynicism that runs through this...

Thanks for the read, Robert. I should consider working the word "cynical" into the first paragraph, so that its clear that I'm commenting on "cynicism"; on the iffy collective meaning we all have for the term. (My actual belief is that self-interest is tricky, given all the possibilities for self delusion.) Self-indulgently talking about cynicism altruistically on every page is my favorite irony -- a lot of what makes the project its own reward. The story is a tribute to some altruists I've known ...who had a real good time masquerading as cynics.

-Kenny

I like the tone of cynicism that runs through this, or at least seems to, from my point of view. The conversation about the malls, economic opportunities, etc. all have a bit of jaded sarcasm to them, as if to mock those who enjoy those things. And perhaps correctly. You do an excellent job of using dialogue to make your points, and your characters seem well-drawn. I am shelving this on its promise, and will come back and read more in the future.

Kenny,
Wow, this is what I call shoot from the hip, high energy writing. Almost like another language the way the kids interact. I had to read it all twice to follow the banter. Well, I can say it is refreshingly different. I never thought of pixalated as a verb, but it works. Good luck with it.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

Thanks for toughing it out, Steve. Accessibility is THE big issue, especially with the dialog. Hearing your thought is a huge help with decisions. The whole project is a tribute to people I've known to think and talk like that.

-Kenny

Kenny,
Wow, this is what I call shoot from the hip, high energy writing. Almost like another language the way the kids interact. I had to read it all twice to follow the banter. Well, I can say it is refreshingly different. I never thought of pixalated as a verb, but it works. Good luck with it.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

"The other day, somebody tried to say, 'I can read you like a book.'" "Did you ask them what page they're on?" Wonderful dialogue. This story is told very eloquently. WL.

If you're trying to figure out a genre I'd say lit fiction which is so lose of a term. You have a very nice relaxed style. Sometimes too relaxed, as I'm not being drawn in quickly enough.

I'm also finding I have no real sense of time or place. Interment camp, mall rats, and cable are throwing me off. Are they in detention, rehab? Plus, how old are these kids? Sorry if I'm not getting what the point is, please remember this is just my humble opinion. Probably above my head. But I just see a bunch of kids having adult conversations without the benefit of alcohol or drugs. ( which was the norm in my teen intellectual days.)

I can offer a few technical nick picks to help you do some housekeeping.

Watch the unnecessary words, "had and "that". read your third paragraph without them... it remains the same, but cleaner. Other places of not important use.."I had seen"...why not..."I saw"... I'm also not sure about the punctuation in that sentence.

There was an odd shift ( I expected Nina) from 3rd to 1st person. This can be fixed I guess if you use italics and make it a thought.

who had a better chance (?)

My best advice is to listen to the crits as they come and make chances accordingly. You'll get it straightened out so even the most simple readers, like myself can enjoy and obviously worthy piece of commentary.

Interesting start Kenny. Will come back later for more! Shelved in the meantime! Well done fella!
Simon

Hello Kenny,

Three chapters read and I see an enjoyable story crafted on a very fascinating premise and written in a confident and engaging manner. With a little polish and tightening, this book's full brilliance will make it even more appealing. An example is in the pitch:
.....Can John Morganstern's friends (can...get rid of it) live for each other’s ....

Thanks for taking the trouble. I know it's a slog -- especially given that it's incomplete. I'm fixing that "can" typo right this minute. Thanks for catching that. Forgive my roaring through this first draft.

BTW: This weekend will be my first chance to catch up on reading. Please allow.

Good luck with FLASH OF THE SUN.

-Kenny

Hello Kenny,

Three chapters read and I see an enjoyable story crafted on a very fascinating premise and written in a confident and engaging manner. With a little polish and tightening, this book's full brilliance will make it even more appealing. An example is in the pitch:
.....Can John Morganstern's friends (can...get rid of it) live for each other’s ....

Overall, this is a compelling story. Rightly shelved.

All the best.

Janvier (Flash of the Sun)

The evil bunny is a nut but he speaks true. Quite good and shelf worthy. Read the first chapter of three published books from your own genra and then your own. After that, decide what you might change according to the crits from here.

There's an interesting question of what genre my work belongs in. Like some of the characters in the story, I'm happy to get the consequences of "exploring" the margins; being here at Authonomy without the usual motives. I do appreciate, though, your taking the trouble to see what might be going on and looking out for my interests. I'll see about your submissions, likewise.

-Kenny

The evil bunny is a nut but he speaks true. Quite good and shelf worthy. Read the first chapter of three published books from your own genra and then your own. After that, decide what you might change according to the crits from here.