Book Jacket

 

rank 2733
word count 20723
date submitted 16.02.2009
date updated 08.05.2011
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Comedy
classification: adult
incomplete

Sergeant Astley's Foote

Arthur Anthony

Read enough of crime, romance and childish wizards? Why not join Sergeant Jack Astley and colleagues on a riotous weekend with the Civil War Society?

 

Sergeant Jack Astley, a middle-aged policeman, invests all his spare time and money in boozy weekends with the Civil War Society. He is seriously deluded about his rank in the King’s Army (the Royalist section). His colleagues refer to him as ‘Mad Jack’ or ‘the Bishop’, the latter name based upon his religious fervour.


His unwilling family and colleagues have their own reasons for attending the Battle re-enactments. Constable Hubie Rimmer, the sergeant’s oldest friend, enjoys regular access to Mrs Dora Astley. A second younger constable, Vinnie Virgin, relies upon the sergeant for regular overtime and decent shifts at work.


Over a summer weekend, the Troopers prepare for and then re-enact the Battle of Edgehill. It soon becomes clear that the policemen are mixing with illegal elements, perhaps ex-miners, travellers or immigrants. As the Battle ends, Astley’s Foote prepares itself for a drunken, vengeful Saturday night.


The constables settle for drink, drugs and random violence, often against each other. The sergeant, unhinged by alcohol and spiked tobacco, turns into Sir Jacob Astley, his imagined heroic ancestor. For a few dangerous hours, he is back in the seventeenth century.


Finally, Sunday morning brings surprises which change all their lives.

 
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tags

black comedy, disreputable policemen, fiction

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128 comments

 

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Vanessa Darnleigh wrote 593 days ago

It's impossible not to like a writer who writes like oneself (and I don't wish to elaborate on that for fear of sounding obnoxious)...I had a good laugh at this as I indeed expected to. I couldn't help visualizing Captain Mannering and the lads of Dad's Army...the same clipped speech and pompous manner! What a shame so many writers on Authonomy are too young and unfamiliar with polished prose to recognise genuine talent when they see it. The same seems to apply to those who know it but don't want to acknowledge such work since it will compete with their own!
Best wishes
Stewart

Jack Hughes wrote 615 days ago

Historical fiction has rarely ever been this much fun. I know some members of a re-enactment group and they take their pursuits VERY seriously. This story captures that mood perfectly. The fantasy of the past and the illusion of personal glory are always there, hidden behind many an acre of grey flannel and novelty ties and waiting like Hyde to be set free at the weekend. This story is fun, frightening, inventive and wonderfully plausible, in keeping with the best traditions of literary fiction and rooted within the very core of what fantasy really is. An excellent piece of writing.

Backed without hesitation, best of luck

Jack Hughes
Dawn of Shadows

p.s: try not to get too despondent about literary success. Just remember the words of the great Albert Finney: "don't let the bastards grind you down". Keep scribbling, you are almost a Jedi!

zan wrote 734 days ago

Sergeant Astley's Foote
Arthur Anthony

Arthur,
Your plot gleaned through your pitches drew me to dip further in and I was happy to do so. I thought it an unusual and inventive story - your long pitch made me think there were some serious issues underlying this story and I was curious to see how you dealt with it all from a comic angle as this is tagged "comedy" - made me think immediately of Black Adder for some reason - probably because of your very effective use of words. It's a joy reading your writing. "Hat back on to favour his bald head...." "Damn and blast that useless young moron." "Shut up!" "The two Troopers began to snort and snore, tenor and double bass in discordant counterpoint." From my reading of the first chapter, this flowed very well with a lot of energy and good rhythm. Cleverly written and satisfying to read. Good literary fiction and Astley is a memorable character to be sure. I want to return and read more when I have more time to spare to see how your plot develops. Happy to have backed it and I hope to see it in print in the near future.
Zan

bred flink wrote 995 days ago

Excellent. Well told, both technically and artistically.
A failed writer you say? Hard to believe. Compelling story, wonderul characters.
Love the contradictions in character's expectations and the outcomes. You have a good strong voice that comes through loud and clear. Proudly sir, proudly I dare say, on my shelf.

Mike Hart
aka Bred Flink
Lucky 8

Agamemnon wrote 1002 days ago

A hugely entertaining romp - I loved it! Great fun.( you don't belong to the Sealed Knot Society, by any chance?)This is just the type of book I'd buy.Most of the minor nitpicks I would have picked out have already been adressed, but the most important to me, are too many adverbs at times, and those !!! Cut them, and you'll have a cracker on your hands, for it's well crafted with likeable characters, good dialogue, plenty of action, and it's hugely funny!Happy to shelve, good luck, Grant

Wussyboy wrote 179 days ago

This is great fun, Arthur. Anyone who can write "the pig's gorra tool" and "I'm paralympic", and get away with it is okay by me! I don't know why, but I can see (well, hear) this jolly romp on radio. The voices are so real. There's some great visual humour as well though. I particularly liked Virgin's account of drugging the bishop, lol!

Giving this high stars for inspired lunacy.

Joe Kovacs
Rupee Millionaires

Mr. Nom de Plume wrote 270 days ago

I read this work way back when. I backed this work way back then. I will WL until the shelf clears and then for sure will back it and I don't need to read the last few chapters because if they are like the first ones, I might hurt myself laughing. Glad you are back. Chuck

2004carlt wrote 383 days ago

Thought you could trim the first bit of narrative before the dialogue. Read down to the first asterix. Over all it read well though the slapstick humour felt very staged to me. Maybe loosen it up a bit and make it less rigid. '.....boy scout's rear entrance.....' was funny and leapt off the page but but could he really be that stupid? Not very PC but it's your call. The term '...mere woman....' may annoy female readers ('mere' being the worst of it). Maybe not your target audience but I'd drop it. Possible typo..."Keep it decent, that (drop the 'that'?) man!" All in all I think you have the bones of a story here but it needs work. I'd like to know why these inept coppers or MP's are drunk and why they are there in the woods or hills surrounding a wigwam or tepee. I may have missed something but I didn't pic up why all of this was happening, apart from the fact that someone heard guitar music and there was supposed to be hippies nearby?? All in all, a bit of a flimsy reason to be out there in the dark moonless sky (which further begs the question of how the big woman could be seen so clearly, down to her hairy armpits). I doubt you want a back after you said you didn't want a read but let me know if you do and I'll back your book. No pressure.

2004carlt wrote 387 days ago

Lol, just read your intro and thought it was going to be set it the distant past (going from your avi) so I was taken back by the reference to speed and acid. Sounds good and will watchlist and read on. Thanks also, for backing Dark Dreams.

M. A. McRae. wrote 402 days ago

Well written and without irritating errors. To be backed, as I have no doubt that a lot of people will like your work very much. Marj.

curiousturtle wrote 432 days ago

Arthur,

I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and half:

There are several things working on your piece.

Dialogue is punchy and expressive, bordering on the type of back and forth of slapstick.

You also seem to have a ear for beat (may you are a musician?) for there is a definite beat in the back and forth.
I would only either cut a bit of the cursing, or change th language of the cursing for, there is only so many times one can read "bleddy" and laugh with it.

I think you are also missing an opportunity.
That of using body language around the dialogue to make it even more funny for, even though you have connective tissue between the dialogue, is not funny.

Why not make it funny too?

for ex: "He gave a long weary sight and shook his head"
instead:" his eyes popped, his head shaking like a disgruntled duck"

Finally I would have liked a bit more of a sense of place, along the lines you start with:

"the idiot had left a trail of sour vomit.........'

by that what I mean is .....poetically gross.

for the same reason....

.... so that your narrative it not entirely depended on delivering the punch line

Let me know if that helps

Overall, wonderful

David

Sly80 wrote 478 days ago

Review as promised, if somewhat delayed. This is quite a mixture of slapstick and farce and most other forms of humour, and not for the PC, not with all that exposed flesh, violence and drugs. I suppose if any of the characters is likeable, it's the rather reserved, and somewhat worse for wear, Steven. But the others don't need to be likeable to be amusing, and there are some great lines: 'He doesn't know the distance between his gob and his arse', 'Baht fuckin' 'at', 'God had his reasons when he made the grape and the grain'.

Extremely well written, this may not be to everyone's taste, but it will certainly tickle the funny bone of many readers - I've rated it highly.

Possible nit: It might be better to choose to stick to either surnames or first names/nick names in the narration, rather than a mix.

Vanessa Darnleigh wrote 519 days ago

May I suggest too many 'bleddies' and too much vomit...the endless repetition can often have the opposite effect to the one intended by the writer...just a thought!
Merry Xmas
Stewart

JackWracker wrote 550 days ago

I loved this way back. So I have no problem shelving it again. Put the Foote on TV!

Kaimaparamban wrote 552 days ago

A well written story. I really enjoyed.

Cheers,

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire

beegirl wrote 552 days ago

A friend reminded me of this book that I backed once long ago when I first came to authonomy. I am glad to see it is still here. I hope that the new system will see it rise in rank.
Barbara

cicuta wrote 552 days ago

Dear Arthur, from a fellow, true Welsh Gyppo. Jack Astle, is a merry Andrew, made by a master mind. I was easily enveloped by your unusual Sang-froid of frolics and fools that kept its light, yet captivating formula until the end of chapter four, [ Some one, like myself has dressed as a Woman before. And it was so much fun ], Well most Men have done it, in one way or another. It was an absolute blast of a book. Worthy of anyone's backing. Good luck and best wishes. Cicuta, [ Carl, Arcane ].

StarSeeker wrote 552 days ago

I have now read on. You retain the fast pace action and humour through all the chapters. I wish I were a better at this. All I can say is I enjoyed it. You are obviously gifted with dialogue writing! Very funny.

StarSeeker wrote 552 days ago

This is truly a good laugh! I can't read on at the moment..but putting this on my shelf and reading more. I will write you a bit more of a crit in a while.
Sue

CarolinaAl wrote 553 days ago

I read chapter 15.

General comments: A captivating and hilarious chapter in what promises to be an equally captivating romp of a story. Colorful, complex characters. Vivid descriptions. Atmospheric. Crisp dialogue. Hilarious wit. Quick pacing. Good tension.

Specific comments on chapter 15:
1) "Urgh, sorry, I must have ate some --." When you use an em dash (indicating interrupted speech) there is no need to punctuate the dialogue, so remove the period that follows the em dash. There is another case of this type of problem in this chapter.
2) Steven's encounter witht the nude woman is well described and hilarious.
3) 'The following violent operation required no more than thirty seconds of incontrolled bedlam' is telling and unnecessary because you follow this sentence with writing that shows (vividly) the bedlam.

So few specific comments are testamony to the quality of your writing. These are only my opinions. Take what works for you and discard the rest. Thank you for your past support of "Savannah Passion."

Eric Laing wrote 586 days ago

What a romp!

This is fresh and original without having to rely on the fantastic such as sci-fi, the supernatural, or mythological to make the grade. Your "hero" Jack is quite the character without falling into caricature. I had several good snorts when your humor snuck up on me like an enemy trooper!

Gladly backed.

Jane Yen wrote 588 days ago

Hi AA
Sergeant Astley's Foote,
Three words :
Unstoppable British humour.
All the best.
Jane


Vanessa Darnleigh wrote 593 days ago

It's impossible not to like a writer who writes like oneself (and I don't wish to elaborate on that for fear of sounding obnoxious)...I had a good laugh at this as I indeed expected to. I couldn't help visualizing Captain Mannering and the lads of Dad's Army...the same clipped speech and pompous manner! What a shame so many writers on Authonomy are too young and unfamiliar with polished prose to recognise genuine talent when they see it. The same seems to apply to those who know it but don't want to acknowledge such work since it will compete with their own!
Best wishes
Stewart

Eunice Attwood wrote 599 days ago

This is hugely original and amusing. Your characters were divine, and I think we can all recognize traits from people in our own lives amongst this bunch of misfits. This would be great on the telly. The story line is wonderful. You have amazing talent, and I hope to hear more of you. Backed. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

JOE ADU-GYAMFI wrote 599 days ago

Excellent story with suspenseful plots.surely one of the best here .This story has somethin dat really makes it unique.will pay to have such a book in my library.

Pia wrote 603 days ago

Arthur -

Sergeant Astley's Foote - What an image, the good Sergeant crouched in the evergreen shrubbery. This diologue would be great in audio. Quintessentially English, the humorous and devilish delight in the re-enactment of moments of glory. But you add another ingredient, the dropping back in time. So there's a carrot.
Rather enjoyable.

Backed, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Anna Bourne wrote 604 days ago

Good book - good luck- Lady Anna x

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 610 days ago

I backed this book when it first appeared on here and I have come back for another read. Still an excellent parody with huge potential, well done. Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Jack Hughes wrote 615 days ago

Historical fiction has rarely ever been this much fun. I know some members of a re-enactment group and they take their pursuits VERY seriously. This story captures that mood perfectly. The fantasy of the past and the illusion of personal glory are always there, hidden behind many an acre of grey flannel and novelty ties and waiting like Hyde to be set free at the weekend. This story is fun, frightening, inventive and wonderfully plausible, in keeping with the best traditions of literary fiction and rooted within the very core of what fantasy really is. An excellent piece of writing.

Backed without hesitation, best of luck

Jack Hughes
Dawn of Shadows

p.s: try not to get too despondent about literary success. Just remember the words of the great Albert Finney: "don't let the bastards grind you down". Keep scribbling, you are almost a Jedi!

CarolinaAl wrote 628 days ago

A clever comedic romp. Empathetic characters. True-to-life dialogue. Vivid settings. Insightful narrative. Spot on humor. Remarkable writing. A fabulous read. Backed.

Mr. Nom de Plume wrote 640 days ago

Reading this work is akin to going to the movies, flicks, motion pictures, whatever. I,m not going to throw flowers on the stage. All I can say is, "The work is really good." Carry On. Backed

Strayer wrote 650 days ago

If someone reads this in public, they will be stared at when they laugh loudly at some of the passages. Well written and a delightful read.

Despinas1 wrote 668 days ago

Dear Arthur, having read your profile page, I felt a sense of sadness, that you would destroy work which is original and yours because of the difficult publishing industry. Having said this I for one, wish to commend you, not only are your a terrific writer, but an original one as well.
Sergeant Astley's Foot, is amazingly original piece that packs so much intrigue and suspense, and explodes with a wealth of answers. I commend you highly for your work, and wish you the best of luck, and much success.
Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

lamiel wrote 669 days ago

What a delectable read. Such likable characters, deep characterization, perfect control of language in an antiquated way, dialogue is quite funny, and it doesn't let go through the book. It reminds me of the movie The Incredible Adventures of Baron Münchhausen. There is a baroque atmosphere to it even if it isn't the same historical period. Nice bumping into this novel. Unique. And anybody who can start a novel with a prolonged defecation scene to introduce the MC without mention of the word "shit" deserves a 'Bravo!'

Yes,sir! Backed.
Miguel
Absentee Bidder

bigreader wrote 675 days ago

Good characters, funny, witty, and engaging writing skills, backed with pleasure.

bigreader wrote 675 days ago

Good characters, funny, witty, and engaging writing skills, backed with pleasure.

rayde wrote 678 days ago

This genre needs your energy and invention. Will recommend you.

Ray

hikey wrote 679 days ago

There are not many writers who have your ability to make the reader laugh out loud or maintain such a high level of mordant wit, coupled with a wild imagination. This deserves support.
Jane

Joanna Carter wrote 680 days ago

Backed, as soon as I've stopped laughing. Brilliant!
Joanna Carter
Fossil Farm

MNielsen wrote 680 days ago

A well told story. I really liked the characters.
Great read. Backed!

Melissa Nielsen
The Guardian and the Book of Souls

A Knight wrote 713 days ago

This is stunningly done. The pitch, for a start, works perfectly, and I was dragged into this by the three-dimensional and realistic characters. I can't comment on hte accuracy, but to me, this was witty, intelligent and believable.

Wonderful stuff.
Abi xxx

Wilma1 wrote 719 days ago

Black Adder meets Dad's Army great farcical and tongue in cheek humor. There is always a place for a book like this a little escapism and plenty of wit. Must say it’s the first book I’ve read that started with someone having a Poo!

Sue
Knowing Liam Riley
I hope you enjoy it

Andrew Burans wrote 720 days ago

Your book is well written and well paced with a goodly amount of black humour cleverly woven in. Your use of imagery is excellent, the dialogue is tight and realistic and this coupled with your descriptive writing style makes your finely crafted book a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

delhui wrote 723 days ago

Dear Arthur --

The word that kept coming to mind as I read Sergeant Astley's Foote was "madcap". The good sergeant is in turns gloriously pompous and deluded, so much so that I didn't know whether I wanted to smack him or take pity on him -- and still I always wanted to read more. I had been afraid that Jack's buffoonery would somehow slow down the action, but you strike a terrific balance between his dialogue, littered as it is with orders and imprecations, and the narrative. This point and counterpoint in the language propels the story along, and the humor woven throughout gives it real heart. I also have a soft spot for young Virgin and am rooting for him to find a way to free himself of his servitude to Jack.

I could find nothing to nitpick in the three chapters I've read so far. Coming back for more, but backing on the strength of a deeply entertaining beginning. -- Delhui, The Long Black Veil

S Richard Betterton wrote 724 days ago

This is very enjoyable. You had me smiling by the second line...
One sentenced I'd change... "Where the hell have you been this time, Trooper?" Astley shouted. (angrily) - the anger is expressed in the utterance, and the question mark is missing.
Anyway, good stuff!
Cheers,
Simon

Colin Normanshaw wrote 724 days ago

Brilliant start! So unusual to be straight into the realities of life, rather than the usual "glamour" of battle. We all need the loo, even during such difficult times. Your dialogue is strong, and the story has great pace. Backed with pleasure. Colin

name falied moderation wrote 729 days ago

Arthur very well written very well. Love the humor. It is addictive as a good book should be, however I have not read it all. I am not a grammatical expert, hmmmm, however one does not have to be to want to buy a book and curl up and read. Wonderful character, good imagination and BACKED. will read on. and could you please read my non-fiction as I would love to hear what you have to say. BEST OF LUCK

zan wrote 734 days ago

Sergeant Astley's Foote
Arthur Anthony

Arthur,
Your plot gleaned through your pitches drew me to dip further in and I was happy to do so. I thought it an unusual and inventive story - your long pitch made me think there were some serious issues underlying this story and I was curious to see how you dealt with it all from a comic angle as this is tagged "comedy" - made me think immediately of Black Adder for some reason - probably because of your very effective use of words. It's a joy reading your writing. "Hat back on to favour his bald head...." "Damn and blast that useless young moron." "Shut up!" "The two Troopers began to snort and snore, tenor and double bass in discordant counterpoint." From my reading of the first chapter, this flowed very well with a lot of energy and good rhythm. Cleverly written and satisfying to read. Good literary fiction and Astley is a memorable character to be sure. I want to return and read more when I have more time to spare to see how your plot develops. Happy to have backed it and I hope to see it in print in the near future.
Zan

SusieGulick wrote 742 days ago

You are so fantastic, Arthur! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing both of my memoir books?
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

SusieGulick wrote 743 days ago

Dear Arthur, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me." Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already "backed" your book, I will also put your book on my "watchlist." Could you please take a moment to "back" my completed unedited memoir version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which at the end tells of my illness now & 6th abusive marriage. I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

SusieGulick wrote 744 days ago

Dear Arthur, I love that "born again" & "born anew" were mentioned in your book. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book to help it advance - this will help yours & mine move up on the charts. :) Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

A. Zoomer wrote 744 days ago

An anonymous rodent, wonderful. The premise of this book is great, even though it personally doesn't speak to me. You are a great failed story teller. You should be read, so publisher or not at least we have access to the book here.
Your book is on my shelf.
A Zoomer
Going Out in Style

jdub wrote 744 days ago

delegation harry thats my secret, great lines, style amusing and fast but good, enjoyed, keep writing be encouraged, backed John Warren Lastiong Images, please review jdub.

Aneke Okechukwu wrote 748 days ago

Good work. Enough description to paint the right pictures. well done.
Backed.
Aneke Okechukwu
Tall Shadows of the Past.

crazy mama wrote 754 days ago

I'm more of a real life comedy reader, but I can hear your strong voice coming through. interesting character development through dialogue. Well done!

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