Webster Groves

Hi everyone......It has been a while since I have been on this board, but a funny thing happened on the way to my best-seller. For those who have read my memoir, Webster Groves, ..thank you......I have not been here due to health concerns, nor have I been able to market the work as I'd planned. It turns out,...that I was diagnosed with genetic epilepsy right after WG was published,.......then in March of 2010, I drove off a mountain cliff at about 70 mph. fell about two-hundred feet, flipped 8 times and was thrown from the car about 40 feet.....broke my neck in four spots, my back in five, ...broke four ribs and my tail bone...lost an eye and had to close a gap in my brain with 19 staples......it turns out I've been experiencing grand-mal seizures my whole life, but years of doctors couldn't figure out the epilepsy thing.......lived in Japan, Germany, Bosnia, Hungary..all over the world....
climbed Mt. Fuji....received a private tour of Air Force One....all with 3/4 of my brain damaged and misfiring....Amazing!....

Thanks to all of you who critiqued,...I get the point about more dialogue and "seeing"....the story,...I know that is the standard boilerplate from folks who want to fit in from a writing perspective...I think so many of them are full-of-shit...........so I did not want to fit in..and if the story is entertaining, not many readers are going to be sitting around bemoaning the lack of "seeing".........and I am convinced by others reactions to my work, my story is entertaining........,......and the "pace" is how I wanted it......there are some embarrassing editing errors in the text, but the story holds up, as we can see by the reviews at Amazon.com.....

For the idiot who only read enough to claim, "this is not abuse".....go fuck yourself with a red-hot metal baseball bat.......you are a fucking idiot......

BTW,......I received a personal e-mail today from one of the most successful writers in television history... she loves my writing...and has asked me to send her a copy of my memoir....

Regards,

O'Guillory

So I have not been up to speed for some tme, but I'm getting back into the flow....

Been there, done that, backed it

This is one of a few stories I have read on this site that deals with abusive parents and an atrocious childhood.
After reading the horrors I do wonder how any of you have the sanity left to write it all down. Since the talent to be a good story teller is obviously within you, I wonder if you could incorporate more dialogue perhaps. At the moment it tends to read rather clinical and 'report' like, too matter of fact, which is too glib for such a dramatic and harrowing tale of events. Your book, your call, just my thoughts. I shelve it in admiration.Margaret.
The Spirit of the Butterfly & others.

I like how you write. There is saddness and anger and it makes me want to find out why.
Good job.
Jeannette Katzir
The Broken Birds

Robert,
I'm amazed at how simular our lives are. I've read things here that I thought were my own private horrors. I like the style of your writing and feel a bond with you, a sick bond that no two human beings should share. I can never express how much hope I hold for your story to be told. I feel that like me you hope to make a difference in the future of abuse, because we sure as hell can't change the past of it. It took me years, but I now care little about what other people think. With that said, I'll admit that I cried while writing my book and cried while reading yours. It brought back deep memories, things long forgotten, that didn't make it into my book. I can only hope that, as I have , you have found some peace with all this. Best of luck with your efforts to get this book published. Now that I have read it, I will never forget you. I can't wait to see the rest of it. Keep your head up and pour it out, out there somewhere there are those of us who care.
Kennesaw

Robert,
I will read your book and let you know what I think. Put mine, Too Much Life To Die, on your watchlist.Thanks!

Robert,

It must be very difficult to write about yourself. You have a lot of interious stuff going on and I think to get more power it should be exteriour. You need to show the reader your parents and their actions. From what I've read it dosen't sound like an absuive family. You need more action. We need to see how your paretns treat the children.

I have a suggestion. To make you more detached, why don't you write it as fiction, bearing in mind the following - Fiction is real life - with all the boring bits cut out.

Good luck with this.

Joanna

Robert,
I think you have a good story here, but at the moment, I don't think it is as strong as it could be. By this I mean we only have your word (the narrator) how badly the parents are treating their kids. I think I would like to see it as it happens. Try to be more visual for maximum impact. Use more dialogue to show us just how wicked and evil the parents' really are. There is something that makes me want to keep turning the pages, but after three chapters I really need more of a hook to keep me reading. Quite often though with early drafts, you find the story and the voice but the pace and structure are the things that need work.
SO to recap.
I think:
More dialogue
Let us get to know the parents and the kids through their speech and actions.
I am surprised that the kids are not closer - Jimmy is the fat little Jerk, I would expect to see a closeness - sticking together.
Okay it's a true life story so this is how it happened, obviously, but there is nothing to say that it has to be word perfect and can't have an element of imagination added.

At the moment I can't SEE just how bad these people are. I want to feel sympathy for you and your brothers, I need to see the torturous situations you go through to make it all seem real.

I like the idea of the story and would like to see you develop it further.
Good luck and best wishes
Sue

Robert,

Here are some comments as promised. I find it rather hard to comment on real-life stories. How can one provide criticism on someone else's life? I am also never sure what the author's aim for the book is. Some people write down their own life story for therapeutic reasons. Do you wish to publish this? The answer to that question would determine how I'd write my crit. However, because you have submitted this book here, I am going to presume you do want it published.
I am perhaps kicking in an open door when I say that a book must have that illusive 'something' to attract the attention of an agent or publisher. I think that in autobiographies, unless you're famous, that 'something' needs to come from your voice, in other words, the writing style. I have read a few auto biographies on this site that deal with very similar themes. Abused boys, now men, tell their story. There were abusive fathers and/or mothers. There was usually poverty, and a lot of violence, misunderstanding, maybe crime or attempted suicide. What makes some of those books original is the tone of the writing, the voice of the author.
At the moment, I feel this story is told in a voice that is too distant for the reader to feel truly engaged. While the events described are dreadful, and I'm not criticising those at all, the narrative uses a lot of distancing filter language:
I realised that...
I noticed that...
I watched as...
I heard...
It makes me feel the author is narrating the book. I can't really *see* what is happening, but I am told about it instead. Just describe what happens without the noticing, the realising or the watching. Use direct sentences. Shave as much as you can off the narrative. Delete words that do not pull their weight. The subject matter is really poignant. I'd like the writing style to match it.

Hi Robert!
This book is absolutely blistering so far, and I'm completely drawn in. You have done a wonderful job giving me a feeling of the place and the family, very evocative.
So far, my only criticism is that I really don't think you need to use so many exclamation points. It feels like your trying to get the reader to agree with you, to remind them that they should be shocked, but the way you have described the scenes already does that beautifully.
Also, I think omitting them lets the sentence stand on it's own, and they are certainly powerful enough to not need any extra help.
Oh! I love the metaphors you come up with! You have a real knack for avoiding cliche.

See what you mean about getting a little rougher around the edges later on. A real gruelling read, thank you.

Ok, perhaps I shouldn't have thrown the word 'bizarre' around quite so insensitively, just read the fire throwing scenes in chapter 5. Engulfed, horrific stuff, but not written to be a freakshow, which is very refreshing.

I'll keep going from here.

Thanks for the enlightening.

Ferry (Wreck We Are)

Hi Robert. Looks like I get to be the first to comment. I started reading Webster Groves and was instantly caught up in the story. You have some witty sentences thrown in that really add to the read. I will definately finish reading this story and I'm giving it a turn on my book shelf. Good luck with this, I think with some editing(We all need editing) this will be a very good story. Don't you just love it when you log back in and see you've picked up a new backer? :)

Jan (LAZY CATS)