The Man Who Painted Agnieszka's Shoes

A clever observational work exploring the sicker side of the net through some very original characters. Excellent.

Backed when I can.

Jack

The Man Who Painted Agnieszka's Shoes - A couple of minor league grammatical and editing errors have been pointed out to you long ago in this original and well done work, but you have not made changes here. I'm assuming you have made the corrections in your manuscript, but haven't revised it on authonomy. There is nothing I can add to previous comments. I like this and have put it on my shelf.

G
Einstein's Road Trip

You were on my WL. Not sure if this was a return read or if I put you there after the 416 competition.

I take stupid little notes as I read in hopes that the writer will find something of use in my time. The following aren't criticisms just places I stumble or have a question.

1
"I'm know that's what she says."- Is I'm a typo?

'I She drinks extra coffee so she can stay awake," Typo "I" ?

As though there are degrees of nothing --I loved this

2 -Chapter, especially the 'we' ,confused me. It might have been more palatable if the we had been I, but I'm sure if you had wanted "i" you would have used it. I guess I just didn't get it. I almost stopped here, but was too intrigued by one so I continued on. (and I'm thankful I did)

3 - I take it on faith eventually we will know what the byfield effect is and read on.

Through the gaps between his fingers . . ." - was this paper he saw on the video or on his desk?

4-
"A huge slug of scotch hits my throat before I notice the glass in my hand." I know what you're trying to do with this but re-read it and see if you think it really works. It's a little hard for me to believe he'd forgotten about the glass in his hand until the scotch hit his throat. Easier to believe he'd inadvertently drank it all in one gulp.

Finished the first 6. It's clear that you have real talent and that's not some Authonomy bullshit I'm blowing up your ass. This is different, mostly well executed and above all else interesting. I'll read on later, now I'm off for a delicious beverage and dinner.

Keep writing, you're the real deal
Bill
HAKTAW HEART

Intriguing read, Dan. Will keep an eye on new chapters.
Backed and highly starred.
Best, M

You won my first line contest. ;)

Your long pitch alone had me wanting to read this (not the short pitch as much). In all honesty - if I saw this pitch on the back of a book I would pretty much buy it without a second thought. It's my type of read. Frankly, I looked at your other books too - and while this pitch appealed to me the most, there was something very unique about each one of them and each one appealed to me in a different way. So I guess you could say that I would be interested in your as an author too.

I absolutely love your first sentence. If that doesn't pull a reader in, I don't know what will. Am I hooked? Um. Yes!

I think this is really hot because it makes use of the "new" media of today. What is disturbing is not what happens necessarily - but that we nod our heads as we read this saying yes, it could happen. I literally got the chills when I read your first chapter. (The six sections your posted as the "first" chapter.)

One gets the feeling that the forum chat and responses that he gets could have come from anywhere on the web (or ahem...ahem...dare I say it...Authonomy's forums?) No, seriously - this forum bit is well done - I have been on many forums all over the web and this is very realistic.

I hate to use the word again, but at the end of the last chapter that you have uploaded here all I felt again was chills - this work is chilling, but in an oh-so-good way. I was enthralled. The world dropped away. I didn't hear my phone ring. Seriously. More! I want more! I need more!


Loved it.

- Rena (Bunderful) author of "Master of the Miracles" and "Blown to Smithereens"

Great first sentence. Immediately grabbed my interest. Chilling first chapter. I'll definitely be reading more.

Hey Dan, just finished the first four chapters. I was immediately drawn into the story, the opening chapter is a great hook that throws up lots of questions and keeps the reader reading. Didn't have any problem with the change of styles, although not sure how relevant chapter two is to the rest of the story (obviously) - sure that'll become more clear as I read on.

Very interesting characters, instantly sympathetic. Can't really find much in the way of criticism, other than a single typo - 'he knew what he was watching WOULD change his life forever' at end of chapter 3.

Overall, very strong work and I look forward to reading more! For now, I've stuck it on my shelf and rated it six stars.

Cheers,
Chris

Great concept and I like the writing style very much. You have tapped into the modern preoccupation with popular media, the new multi-cultural religion that tolerates extreme voyeurism as a form of entertainment. Stylistically it's more challenging than most but I like that aspect, it conveys stark horror in a much more suitable light. I also enjoyed the Otaku-esque Shuji and the wonderful mannerisms of his everyday sad little existence. A great idea that deserves a much wider audience in my opinion. Also it's just begging for a youtube viral campaign...well done!

It takes a bit of work for the reader to get in sync with the narrative style but it is well worth the effort. A meticulously crafted break with linear narrative and a bold dive (headlong) into obsession for obsession’s sake.

Does one choose what one is to be obsessed with? In the era of YouTube, apparently, the decision comes from the collective psyche of high-speed connections. Tragedy, private or public, the distinction no longer exists. One of the few Authonomy pieces that made me think.



A.P. Constantin
The Crystal Butterfly Club

Excellent writing style, character development and flow. The storyline is unusual, unique and because of this, eyecatching. I did get a little confused when you changed the writing style to 'we', maybe if you use a different font? italic maybe, it'll be easier to differentiate between the two different perspectives.
All in all, an excellent read, one I am happy to back:)
Bron.

The Endless Awakening.

Dear Dan, great dialogue, poignant and popular. There was enough in both chapters to be interested in more. I'm not usually interested in modern culture, [ A bit of a Dinosaur I'm afraid ], but I truly got a taste for your book, which made me want to buy it. I am not a great critic Dan, by any stretch of the imagination. But I have read, and searched the world, for enough books to sink your British Nuclear Fuels, but I found this entertaining, professional, passionate in places? And with a little help, you should have no trouble getting it published. Good luck and look out for my backing. You've bee on here long enough to know the score. But your book will be worth the whole of December. Take care, Cicuta, [ Carl, Arcane ].

This is excellent writing with a unique storyline and I am happy to back this for 24 hours!

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

There is more on here than meets the eye - and I mean this in more ways than one. I particularly like the contrast between sections and between 'speakers'. It's a very topical novel and I enjoyed the originality. Starred you. Lara
Good for Him

Hi Dan,
I read through this chapter one--or is it through chapter six? Your first line is brilliant and you've made me care for Edge. I was thrown in chapter two when you switched to "we" and I really thought that Emma called, but I have no time-frame to know if Edge is reminiscing this or if it's happening right now. And maybe because it's in first person I thought it was happening right now and I wanted him to go help his daughter. I like how your scenes flit from one to another so we get a glimpse of several different parts of his life, the story--just enough to peak our interest to read on. It's a puzzle. I like the challenge. I feel for Edge for two reasons--that he lost his daughter and he married the wrong woman. I love the visual of him watching the utube video over and over again. Poor guy. We see, hear and feel his depression.
Your book cover is interesting and I see the resemblance of A's sneakers in its design--just like the U-tube video it could be interpreted in different ways.
I'm going to back this book. Give me a day to make room on my shelf.
If you mosey over to my site will you read WILLOW? It's trite and way more G-Rated compared to this as it's for tween girls and not as complicated as your story, but I'm always open for edits and feedback.
Best,
Michelle (WILLOW)

Dan, you know I was attracted to your first paragraph and I am still mesmerized by your way of writing but I must admit it is a little above me. The story (2 storylines) is very complicated and it is not clear what is fantasy and what is reality. In itself, there is nothing wrong with that but when you lose the reader because (s)he can't find the threads back into the story, I think it would be a good idea to simplify matters a tiny bit. But then again, maybe I am just too stupid to understand the gist of it. Mesmerized I remain. I've starred your book and wish you lots of luck with it. Hannah

It's rather eerie the surface-level similarity of this book to my own: the voyeurs become the actors of events to which they feel they were immune. "The truth is she says something different to everyone who watches the clip . . . Just you. Just me . . . See you, Dad! I'm sure that's what she says." Yep, everyone sees what he/she wants to see. "Find me. Please. The words synch perfectly. . ." Then there is Shuji who sees a piece of paper in the clip with handwriting that looks like his. Where the waves begin to appear as particles. How did you know? I guess a world with 6.7 billion humans in residence is bound to result in a myriad of stories that will parallel each other. Even so, what a bizarre space we occupy, eh?

Really clever how you’ve created a world as a series of experiences of the eye. And how these images are only partially to be trusted, as if the visual world, now more than ever, is prone to creating falsehoods. We begin to see reality as footage. As though memories too are networked screened images, blurring in and out of focus, uploading and buffering with the volatility of a weak broadband connection. And you force the reader into his/her optic nerve so to speak, making us realise how clinical and detached our visual experiences are becoming. It’s an eerie soulless world of piecemeal information, broken connections, lost love you’ve created. Liked this a lot, Dan.

Very pleased to see this fine piece of art on the site. Not only is Fran's heart broken in the first chapter, so is mine. And that's why I love it. Brilliant work.
Lizzi
(Out of Sync)

"I have nothing left anyway. Nothing except this pointless job, trying to catch the zeitgeist. I spend my days chasing splinters of cultural shell across the sticky surface of an egg."

Superior stuff - can't believe I haven't seen it on shelves yet.

Will see it on mine.

Hello Dan,

Brilliant piece of writing. It is a very different concept from the works we have here. But tit is the unique setting, amazing descriptions and the characters that made it a gripping read. I am glad I stumble upon this new style of writing. Rightly shelved.

All the best.

Janvier (Flash of the Sun)

Hi Dan,

This is a fascinating and gripping read. It’s original; it’s engaging and it’s poignant. The vivid descriptions are wonderful. The narrative voice is absorbing and just like the narrator, you become obsessed and find that you can’t let go, you must read on.

One thing I notice in Chap 2.

…this is Emma, band she is still 14 years old. I think you meant and as opposed to band.

I felt an instant connection with your protagonist and the plot is one of intrigue. This is a great mystery.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

Hi Dan.
This is a fascinating meditation on the nature of celebrity fueled by the internet. Melding it in with the personal, the loss of Emma. In later chapters, eg Chapter 6, when the MC is together with Fran, I find myself even more engaged with the character.
Powerful work, utterly unique. I applaud your efforts to get this out there! Shelved.

Hi Dan.

You speak to the reader. Your voice has such anguish, it is impossible for the reader to pull away. You present the story practically through the POV of technology- facebooks and iphones and cam corders. You well establish the protagonist's emotions and his motivation for reacting, which by chapter 3 was to keep watching his only connection to his daughter, imprints in society, and to drink whiskey. Great suspense in delivery of his daugher's predicament and pleas for help. Her state of convusion and the image of almost floating ... raises tension off the charts. The reader can't help wanting your protagonist to find his daughter and save her. Great timing with introducing Sara and an outside conversation. The protagonist's watching footage and brooding gave a surreal, claustrophic feeling which relayed the significance of his tragedy.

On my shelf, Good luck

Janet Marie, Spirit Prisoners.

Dan, You've shown here how our electronic times can reel into a story. It really fascinates, the plot's search and your techniques of storytelling that use the messages in our present. It's funny how that can't work in our everyday life and then you have discovered how to craft the visual, the language, and the ID's that feel like fiction. Where I stopped reading, "a desparate man trying to find out what happened with his daughter" really capped or climaxed the chapters before that. I'm putting this on my WL and will be reading more.

Dear Dan, this is a thrilling story, the kind of tale that makes the reader unsure of the division between fact and fiction; fantasy and reality. Very well-written, you have created an unsettling and compelling mystery in The Man Who Painted Agnieszka's Shoes. Definitely a novel for my bookshelf. With many thanks, Andrew (author of BIG FISH)

Beautifully written. I'm not sure what's going on but I wabt to find out.

Only one suggestion - get an original cover to make your book stand out from the crowd. I predict this will go a long way.

On my Watch List.

Joanna

This is going to be something special, Dan. I'm getting in there so I can say I was one of the first to spot it.

Hi Dan,
This is absolutely fascinating. What a strange, haunting and unsettling novel. I almost felt the same as the viewers on YouTube, unable to look away, wondering what was going to happen, what it's all about. You really make the reader think. This has all the ingredients to make it as one of those must have books that all the cool folks have to have. I know that sounds trite and in a way it is but I can see this having that more than cult appeal where people who think they are cool have to rave about it and people who want to be cool have to have it. Well, I wanna be cool too and I have got to have it. Strange, haunting and accomplished. Love it.