Book Jacket

 

rank 5457
word count 10876
date submitted 02.03.2009
date updated 02.03.2009
genres: Crime
classification: adult
incomplete

just killing time

alex telford

A sleepy seaside village in the bay of Mont st Michel finds a murderer in its midst.Is the killer ever found?

 

Le soleil brille, il fait beau... The sun beats down on the sleepy seaside village of St Marie au bout de la mer,
St Marie to its friends,sitting peacfully on the edge of the bay of Mont st Michel.
But like the golden statue of St Michel mounted on top of the monastery, there is a self appointed avenging angel living in the little community of four hundred souls.He... or she...... is distributing their own brand of justic;.Murder.
Isabelle Hulin, fresh from Paris and an affair with her boss is put in charge of the enquiry. Inspector Hulin, bon chic - bon gueule - class on legs. She throws herself into the task of finding the killer, mind and body.
Sitting in a sun trap at the foot of the Champeau cliffs,like all villages St Marie is riddled with secrets; not all can be kept hidden but one is, right to the end ...and even then...

 
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tags

, france. stabbing, mont st michel, murder, murder?, normandy, sand, sea, seaside village, sex, st malo

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4 comments

 

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TJ Rands wrote 1174 days ago

hi alex,

let me firstly say i really enjoyed the style of your book.

i'm a little surprised we don't get the name of your narrator until well into c2 and he's not even mentioned in the pitch, although it didn't actually spoil my enjoyment.

nitpicks- there's a few sentences where i imagine your brain was struggling to find the correct word(s)-welcome to the club.

i offer you a few alternatives.

the time of death was impossible(comma) certainly(especially)

she was not now(no longer) going round

camp as xmas(as a row of tents)

she wasn't very tall, but was(more)

the great ogre of sexual chemistry-THIS IS A GREAT LINE-don't change it!

very interesting-shelved-TJ

scottishrose45 wrote 1175 days ago

Hi Alex. I've read everything you've got here (sorry it took so long). I think you're story is interesting and I like your voice. But I was having trouble with sentence structure. Sometimes it's a bit difficult to follow you. Nothing big. Nothing a quick read through wouldn't fix. All-in-all I think it is a good beginning.

Joanna Stephen-Ward wrote 1180 days ago

Cut - 'all is not what it seems' from the pitch. It's a cliche and dozens of books on this site have used it. Your pitch needs to be longer with more hooks.

You don't need 'quite' dead. Dead will do. Cut his adventures with women - just leave it at - he had never been very discreet. You have a lot of cliches - could have been another planet - had to take stock of her life - never raised its head. Find an original alternative.

This could be good, but it needs a bit of work. Nothing drastic, just a bit of cutting to make you prose crisper.

Get an individual cover as soon as you can to make your book stand out from the crowd. This one is on many a cover and it dilutes the attention.

Joanna

Joanna Stephen-Ward wrote 1180 days ago

Cut - 'all is not what it seems' from the pitch. It's a cliche and dozens of books on this site have used it. Your pitch needs to be longer with more hooks.

You don't need 'quite' dead. Dead will do. Cut his adventures with women - just leave it at - he had never been very discreet. You have a lot of cliches - could have been another planet - had to take stock of her life - never raised its head. Find an original alternative.

This could be good, but it needs a bit of work. Nothing drastic, just a bit of cutting to make you prose crisper.

Get an individual cover as soon as you can to make your book stand out from the crowd. This one is on many a cover and it dilutes the attention.

Joanna

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