Book Jacket

 

rank 5457
word count 12030
date submitted 04.03.2009
date updated 04.03.2009
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Horror, Popular ...
classification: moderate
incomplete

The Hungry People

Frankie Bower

Deep in the woods there is an abandoned compound. At night all the pretty girls gather there. That’s when the killing happens.

 

Since her sister Samantha died, Red has been alone. Her father is on the run, fleeing pedophilia charges and her mother has become an insomniac who talks to strangers online all night.

With a job and an apartment of her own, Red looks like the only member of her family to have escaped Sam’s death relatively unscathed. But Red knows what really happened to Sam. She’s known ever since she started following all the popular girls into the woods at night.

Now the only thing standing between Red and revenge is the insidiously attractive Alex. But as the death toll mounts, Red is realizes there is more at stake than her desire for retribution.

‘The Hungry People’ is a horror novel, complete at 80, 000 words.

 
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tags

alex, courage, cowardice, desperation, fame, fear, fires, horror, killing, strong women, violence

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9 comments

 

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Kolro wrote 1177 days ago

Your first chapter grabs hold of the reader and makes them pay attention. Very good.

ps- Yes, vampires are rubbish

Owen Quinn wrote 789 days ago

Good start. i thought it was a riot when in fact it was an excited premier crowd. the facade of celebrity well handled and the aftermath of death when a home becomes a shrine to the dead person very real. very good.

Cadence wrote 967 days ago

hmmmmmm.....this was a way interesting and cool little story. I'm backing it .
:) screw the small errors - just toss it in the spell checker and be done with it.....it's a bad ass story no matter which way you twist it. Now write some more Frankie Bower my head is swimming with what's to come in the next chapter.

Cadence/nm boliek

StephenMc wrote 1143 days ago

Frankie,

Well for my money i think you have written with genuine tension and unattractive main characters. This is scary in how you expose your heroine to danger and conjure an unworldy presence in the 'bad' guys and gals.

I don't normally read horror, rarely watch horror movies but I enjoyed your 3 chapters. pace was good, descriptions and dialogue were credible.

My only slight niggle was the difference in mood between the opening chapter in the hotel(?) which is very mysterious and the grittier passages in the woods. I think the latter works better but both are effective in setting the tone of the 'Red' character.

Overall I enjoyed it so I will shelve it as I think you have some unique charateristics to your story which set it apart from the genre.

All the best
Stephen

Bill Scott wrote 1162 days ago

Very nice, very nice indeed.

Ginger wrote 1173 days ago

I'm going to have to read more of this another time, and find out where the horror part of the novel is. I think you have a great voice here, you describe the meeting of Alex brilliantly, and left me curious as to why she expected Alex to take a shine, and why she shunned him. My only complaint here is the distinct lack of horror. You have a very smooth writing style, and I'm looking forward to reading more.
Shelved.
Lisa
(The Curse of Sulham Close)

miff wrote 1175 days ago

Hi Frankie.
Excellent writing. Nice even pace, with tension thrown in. Definate winner.
Shelved.
Good Luck.

Frank.

m clement hall wrote 1176 days ago

THE HUNGRY PEOPLE (Frankie Bower)
A ratio of 4 comments to 3 bookshelves is quite remarkably good.
The book shows promise of a good story, it shows overwriting, but overwriting can be corrected, whereas absence of story cannot.
You are fortunate in having received a complementary and complimentary assessment by a professional who uses a faux-eskimau name to distract from his antipodean ancestry. Pay attention to it -- you are the fortunate recipient of excellent advice.

Backed for support
mch

Kolro wrote 1177 days ago

Your first chapter grabs hold of the reader and makes them pay attention. Very good.

ps- Yes, vampires are rubbish

Denis wrote 1178 days ago

Hi Frankie,
I've just read Robert's crit, as it's the only other one and I didn't want to cover the same ground if I could avoid it.
In general I agree with his views. He makes a lot of sense and it's good advice.
What he didn't say is that you do have the required writing skills to make a good author.
I did find the opening few paras to be confused, with some muddled imagery that needs to be rectified. There are a few typing errors such as: trapsed instead of traipsed, cameo army fatigues instead of camo, you have hovered and bothered when perhaps it should read, hovered bothering, truck of a tree instead of trunk, effortless so instead of effortlessly so, reoccupied instead of preoccupied, santa claus not Santa Claus and tissue that should have 'bonded'
You have some wonderful turns of phrase; "the rich deep smell was older than mankind", noticeably but do tend to pad your sentences to the detriment of the drama. As they say "less is more."
Overall, though I'm not a great fan of vampire stories, this gelled well despite the lack of a clear plot line.
I think it's better than a first draft but does need a firm editing hand and some plot reconfiguration before it will really take off.
Good luck with it,
Best wishes,
Denis.

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