Radioactive Prairie Dogs

Hi Jason, this is the funniest crime thriller I have ever read. I love he dry humour in it, you have lots of lines which had me laughing outloud. I especially like the half arsed way they all stand around inspecting the body. The you sire he's dead line and the susequent explanation that I human face normally has seven holes while this one had eight, brilliant! I loved the serious plausible explanations of the eight hole when it was clear that it was a bullet that ripped through his head. The ID card is a nice hook and the fact that the detective used to know the victim. Brilliant opening and any book that has me laughing out loud definitely goes up on my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

Your one line short pitch is the best I have read on Authonomy so far. Not one of, but THE best.
I don't think you need the repeat in the longer version or if you do. Then you should repeat it verbatim.
Seeing as your inspector is called Darkly I thought you'd ruined it already, but then in the genres I spotted the word comedy so all was fine. It's certainly comedy of a dark order, though there is some relief in the more visual scenes like taking the photos of the repulsive underwear. You obviously have a talent for crime writing, and you cast many a mocking grin towards the better known crime writers. I sense you may have once looked to take the whole thing seriously and but your inner satirist was too strong to restrain.
Backed
David
Bailey of the Saints

Radioactive Prairie Dogs is the first time I've laughed at a description of a murder scene - in the nicest possible way. I read the first 3 chapters and then number 9 - the smile never left my face. The narrative is tightly written and you never make the mistake of over-egging the comedy. This is brilliant; backed 100%

You liar. Didn't you tell me this book was 'terrible'? Then you're a liar!

Liar, liar, pants on fire ...

Personally, I think comedy policiers are very difficult to pull off, but you've done it with aplomb. Shades of Stoppard (Tom, not Miriam) I felt in the opening section - that's Stoppard at his best, when he's not wandering off on some absurdist w*nk. But as it progressed, I found myself settling into a genuinely funny, really enjoyable story told by a first class humorist with real writing skill.

Now, what I think is this: there's a dearth of good comedy on telly, right now. That's partly because TV (like publishing?) got rid of all the people who knew what they were doing in order to replace them with newer, less efficient models. But this (IMHO) would translate beautifully into a hilarious TV comedy-drama. The dialogue sparkles with perfectly judged humour. Naturally, it should be published. Of course it should. But my instincts are never wrong. Well, almost never. Well, quite often, actually. But trust me on this. It should be televised, because then you'd win a BAFTA and one of those Montreux rose things.

Brilliant!

Simon

Wild title,

Regards,
Rian Torr
New London Masquerade

Hi Jason
Maeve Sleibhin recommended this to me and I'm glad she did. It's good. Loved the opening line - we get straight to the heart of Darkly, I think. In fact, the whole opening sequence had me grinning like a loon. Very enjoyable stuff indeed.
I did wonder about the excessive use of adverbs in the opening section ('glumly', 'thoughtfully', 'sadly' etc) - I know this is intentional but, at first, I wasn't sure it worked. Reading through it again, I think you just get away with it.
Also, your pitch is excellent - really well-written and absolutely hooked me in. Just what you need to get noticed, I'd say. And I adore the title - I'm crap at titles and always in awe of someone who can write good ones.
This is a great read indeed. Read as far as Ch 3 and would absolutely carry on if this was something I'd picked up in a bookshop.
Starred and shelved.
Sheila

Hi Jason
Maeve Sleibhin recommended this to me and I'm glad she did. It's good. Loved the opening line - we get straight to the heart of Darkly, I think. In fact, the whole opening sequence had me grinning like a loon. Very enjoyable stuff indeed.
I did wonder about the excessive use of adverbs in the opening section ('glumly', 'thoughtfully', 'sadly' etc) - I know this is intentional but, at first, I wasn't sure it worked. Reading through it again, I think you just get away with it.
Also, your pitch is excellent - really well-written and absolutely hooked me in. Just what you need to get noticed, I'd say. And I adore the title - I'm crap at titles and always in awe of someone who can write good ones.
This is a great read indeed. Read as far as Ch 3 and would absolutely carry on if this was something I'd picked up in a bookshop.
Starred and shelved.
Sheila

This is a very entertaining read. I think that the forensic pathologist's remarks in chapter one ("the human head normally contains a certain number of orifices...") is a hysterical introduction to the tone of the book. I think your characters are very compelling, although I think a bit more description of some of them could be warranted to make them seem more real. I particularly wanted to have a better idea of what Perky is like- I expected a bit more description while they were in her car. She is a very important character, but I found it hard to visualize her- both physically character-wise. She is obviously trying to prove herself, almost rashly brave (going up the fire escape alone and taking the forensic chemicals on herself). But what motivates her is not clear. On the other hand, I got a pretty good feeling of what Morlock was like circumstantially. Darkly is a bit of a mystery still, but I suppose that is part of the point.
I discovered a couple typos, so I recommend some proof reading, but all in all the writing is fluid and fun. Of course, with the book unfinished, it is hard to tell how it will all come together, particularly the incidental flashes between ***s.
I hope you finish this soon, and I will enjoy reading the rest. Maeve (Mrs. Maginnes is Dead)

Wonderfully witty stuff, thoughtful, yet engaging.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

12 May 2010
09:10
A strong unemotional pitch provides the lure to Radioactive Prairie Dogs. A crisply cynical opening confirms the validity of the decision and I like Darkly already. Sarcasm, which is purportedly the lowest form of wit, abounds here but is so well crafted that it has made the transition into stylised wit. The detached callousness of the professionals gathered around the corpse is finitely described interspersed with credible dialogue. Such a well sculpted and defined opening bodes well for the success of this novel. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

You've got the edge on murder thrillers. Superb characterization of Darky and the doctor and just a wonderful start up. Your dialogue is refined and well suited and the pace is great. The detils you provide make ths one believable.
backed with pleasure

Your short pitch is perfect. I would buy this book at an airport based on that one line alone. And the chapters do not disappoint. The action flowed and the sharp wit kept me smiling. Well done. Backed.

Richard Bard
BRAINRUSH

Jason -

This has it all: dry wit by the bucket load, a police sergeant who couldn't match wits with a warm and runny wedge of brie and a body on the first page, with a bullet hole where his third eye ought to be squinting.

I read all nine of your chapters and loved it all. Great and funny stuff, Jason.

In fact, I'm still chortling here as I back Prairie Dogs (were they really as bad as all that? I mean, even worse than Blue Cheer and Grand Funk Railroad?)

And I would love it if you could share your thoughts on my book (yup, another hysterical story about a killing gone a little sideways).

Thanks, and best of luck.

-Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

This is a book with a strange title - but is a good read. Your writing style is a real strength; it's amusing so makes this a fun read. Darkly is a good character; not your average detective - which is good. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Superb stuff - the detective genre is ripe for comedy, and I thought Inspector Darkly was a great take on the old "maverick cop" coventions. I liked Sgt Morlock's asides, the pithy pathologist and the frank appraisal of the victim's house. Excellent stuff

Pat Black
Snarl

I love this! I think it is clever and witty! You possess a real gift for dialogue! This is polished and I really love the cover art! I have read the first three chapters and can't think of one issue! I will come back for more but meanwhile BACKED!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Your pitch drew me in at once, and your witty, talented writing completed the job. Darkly is an excellent character, and you have a great cast of vivid personalities in addition. Bob, the six foot reason why Darkly doesn't need a search warrant to get into Fulford's house, is impressive and, in his own way, likable. Detective Sergeant Morlock is a dreadful policeman, and we would sympathise with Darkly for having to put up with him, if we weren't too busy laughing at the interplay between them. Besides, Darkly has P.C. Sarah Perky, both clever and attractive, as a consolation. Add to all this a very interesting mystery of the traditional kind, and you've got something special. Darkly is a very amusing man, someone easy to relate to and a pleasure to spend time with. You write in a smooth, professional manner, which is fluent and easy-to-read, as well as consistently funny in a dry, laid back way. A book to thoroughly enjoy. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Jason, I really enjoyed the comedic dialogue in your first chapter. Nothing to nitpick there. Good job.

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

I read the intro chapter. This genre is what I write in as well. I saw nothing to improve. The story did appeal to me, to include the short pitch. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Hi Jason, this is the funniest crime thriller I have ever read. I love he dry humour in it, you have lots of lines which had me laughing outloud. I especially like the half arsed way they all stand around inspecting the body. The you sire he's dead line and the susequent explanation that I human face normally has seven holes while this one had eight, brilliant! I loved the serious plausible explanations of the eight hole when it was clear that it was a bullet that ripped through his head. The ID card is a nice hook and the fact that the detective used to know the victim. Brilliant opening and any book that has me laughing out loud definitely goes up on my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

Mmm... crime humour, a difficult gig to pull off. RD Wingfield does it nicely... with black humour.
In your case, I think there is some straining for effect, with Darkly playing the straight man and everyone else the butt of his sarcasm. I think the characters, at least initially, are two-dimensional (defined by their roles, and hence stereotypes, as opposed to being defined by their personalities) and this needs some work. "Darkly" as a character name is reminiscent of "Dirk Gently" and I think that also needs to be changed.
I think this has a lot of potential, and shelved accordingly
Frank

Your one line short pitch is the best I have read on Authonomy so far. Not one of, but THE best.
I don't think you need the repeat in the longer version or if you do. Then you should repeat it verbatim.
Seeing as your inspector is called Darkly I thought you'd ruined it already, but then in the genres I spotted the word comedy so all was fine. It's certainly comedy of a dark order, though there is some relief in the more visual scenes like taking the photos of the repulsive underwear. You obviously have a talent for crime writing, and you cast many a mocking grin towards the better known crime writers. I sense you may have once looked to take the whole thing seriously and but your inner satirist was too strong to restrain.
Backed
David
Bailey of the Saints

Jason,
YOur cover is good...feels good N gothic.
Pitches: short=good! long=could use a bit of bulking up but other than that good!
Text: this is fun...reminds me a bit of a Coen Brothers movie. I love their work...most of the time.
Great opening chapter...really kept me moving and excited to see how you'll grow this.
Best of luck to you!!
-=Bradley

Jason,
,
Radioactive Prairie Dogs - of what I know of prairie dogs, they're comical, sweet little animals, a link to be discovered. Here is one reluctant but highly inventive Seargent working with small-town staff ... 'Some dead guy' he said finally, adding, after a suitably rebellious pause, 'sir.' The story with all its dead pan dialogues is hughly enjoyable. Backed with pleasure.

Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Very funny, I love it. Backed.

smart title. Very interesting story. Backed.

These prairie dogs will hunt. Delicious sense of humor firmly in control of a wild tale. Great dialogue and your characters are, well, darkly perky. Backed.

Richard (Zombie Jamboree)

At last, grave humour at it's best! I found this eminently readable, very funny and you have a winning MC in Darkly. Got to be my favourite of the last few weeks. Jim D Serpent's Blood

Fantastic opening line, one of the best I have read on this site.

Great crime scene opening... straight into it in your unique style.

Great story which I would happily read... add a bit of wittiness and you have a winner.

Great great great is all I can seem to say.

This should be doing better.

Jo xx

Spoilt

Dear Jason MacKing,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. After a nod at your first paragraph, I skipped to chapter seven to cover less-traveled ground and was rewarded by fun dialog. Darkly implies he’d rather Bob die instead of his girl and that he has a key, well, a crowbar and the two amount to the same thing. Bob has a pleasing mercenary outlook. I enjoy your playful humor, such as surprise his conscience won and prevented him from another drink. Again, I love the banter. Bob’s disappearance is made mysterious because of his girth. How could he hide? I’m suspicious of the man who ID’d the suspect so easily from that photo.

I enjoyed your story. Bravo! Backed.

Best wishes,
Alan Marling

Excellent, a very funny crime story that is dark and well written.

This is hilarious! Backed with pleasure, Sana

Great read, a tight, humurous crime story.

I can't help making comparissons to Ian Rankin's character Rebus.

loved it, happily shelved.

Melxx
Impeding Justice

You tell a compelling story
The writing is clean and flows well throughout the book
I thing you made some great choices with the characters and dialogue
You will be in the top five in no time
Best wishes
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

After seeing Sarah Perky (ref to pigs or boobs) I was expecting a bit of a Carry On...yes, it was funny but quite more so too!
Backed!
A look at mine would be appreciated.
Frank, Sicilian Shadows

Backed.

Jesse - Savant

Enjoyably offbeat.
V
Hawaiian Orchid

This is very funny, but also a very readable crime story. Darkly is a fantastic MC, and morlock is the perfect foil. Backed - i would buy this.

Jason
This is great writing. I love the writer's dry and cynical voice and the story is quite alluring. Very funny banter between Morlock and Darkly, kind of reminds me of the old TV series Columbo. Can a murder be funny, sure it can and you proved it. YOu know how to tell a story in dialogue and that is a valued talent. The investigation into the murder of Mad Edie portends much fun to come. Fun read, good luck with your book.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

Brilliant opening line. I feel like you are having so much fun with this and that makes me enjoy it too - I love the way you play with words and write with such dry humour. Backed.

There are a lot of good lines in this. Well done. Shelved.

No mistaking this genre then:

“Murder, thought Darkly. Bloody murder.
Darkly didn’t like murder. “

But hang on a minute, this is a police Inspector talking. Perhaps this is a clue:

“Murder meant that people were going to start talking about motive, and opportunity, and the other thing that he could never remember the name of...”

Or perhaps this:

“Darkly sighed to himself. He wasn’t sure of the late Eddie Rylands’ standing in the criminal world, but he seriously doubted it would have warranted the expense of a bullet. If you wanted him out of the way it would have been easier to wait till he was drunk and push him down the stairs, or under something heavy - Darkly had once met a self-professed ‘removal man’ whose speciality had been buses. ‘Regular as clockwork, buses,’ he’d said, accepting another large Scotch as Darkly had listened in horrified fascination. ‘Trains are more effective, ‘course they are, more impact, but you can’t rely on ‘em. You can be hanging about for hours on a draughty platform waiting for the eight-fifteen to Doncaster, and then it’s been derailed at Teddington. What are you gonna do? Bash ‘em in the head with a suitcase? No chance. But buses, now, buses, right there on time, dozen times a day, and then it’s ‘mind how you go, oops, he’s tripped, very nasty. Saw it all, Officer. Tragic accident. Very sad.’ Yeah, buses is the way to go.’”

Or better still:

“Bill Darkly hadn’t always wanted to be a policeman. In fact he’d never wanted to be a policeman, but then he’d never wanted to be anything, much. Except… except maybe just that once. That one time. But in general, things just happened to him, usually bad and unpleasant things, that were very annoying and required running away from. Occasionally he’d run away from them before they happened, but they was always there, waiting eagerly for him when he arrived.”

In trying to avoid one's fate you jump towards it” as someone rather famous once said.

And here’s an example from Inspector Darkly himself:

“Like the girl in London, who’d promised a life of bright lights and carnal delights which lasted for a month until she ran off with a jingle-writer for Capital Radio who wanted to make her a star,...”

A splendid read. Shelved.

Radioactive Prairie Dogs is the first time I've laughed at a description of a murder scene - in the nicest possible way. I read the first 3 chapters and then number 9 - the smile never left my face. The narrative is tightly written and you never make the mistake of over-egging the comedy. This is brilliant; backed 100%

This is really good. Rebus without the Scottish acerbity.

Hi Jason,

It takes me so long to get to books on my watchlist, and I mean months, that I don’t remember if I owe you a read or if I watchlisted you because I liked the look of your book. Nevertheless, here I am now, and I write as I read, so you may find I ask a question that you answer two sentences later. Please bear with me because I don’t go back and change what I said. This is so the writer can see how this reader thinks as she reads. Bear in mind also, that I’m not quite normal as I’m a cat.

Ok.

Good first line. Good first few paragraphs too.

Hmm my first thought about the dead guy is, where is he? In a house or outside?

Oh, see what I mean about how I write these reviews? Now I know it’s in the morning, and it’s chilly.

Haha@ the jokes.

Ok, I have to say I’m a little confused. I know they’re outside, and there’s a pathologist, but I’m thinking there wouldn’t be a pathologist involved at this stage, and if so, I doubt they’d take a bullet out in the street. If they’re not in the street, then where are they? And why don’t they have a lab, if they’re cops?

Hmmm,,, I’m not buying this pathologist guy. Doesn’t seem authentic to me. We’ve had three characters either cracking jokes, or thinking jokes which makes them all sound too similar.

Who or what is SOCO? You don’t tell us, and I have no idea so it stops me reading to think about it.
I have a feeling that you intentionally held back the sex of Perky but it only served to confuse me. Reason being, we’d been dealing with men and no women. When the constable is introduced I think he’s also a man. When Perky is revealed as a woman, it stopped me reading because my reader brain thought it was a second constable. This made me go back and re-read, and if the reader is re-reading then you lost them. If you lose them, they get bothered. If they get bothered too much they stop reading.

I move on.

If Darkly had said ‘Mad Eddie’ out loud, it should have been in quotes, even if he didn’t realise he ‘d spoken his thought. This made me stop and go back to look again.

Chapter two.

I’d really like to know, where this is based? I know the UK, but I don’t know what city or town, or even village.
Aha, so now I know he was in London, but I don’t know what this ‘home town’ is, unless for sorme reason I’ve missed it.

Hmm so this is getting interesting , looks like we have dirty cops…

Does every character crack jokes? Sorry to say this, but I’m having a hard time distinguishing one voice from another. This is getting confusing because there are more and more characters coming in but they all sound alike.

I like the interjection of the guy on the hill. It sounds different, mysterious and gives the reader something else to think about.

You do write very good dialogue, really. The only problem for me as a reader is that they all sound too similar. I’m sure you can write just as good dialogue and make your characters sound different.

Sorry if this sounds ‘negative’ as some authonomists would say. It’s just my view as a reader and I think you have a plot to run with and some interesting things going on.

Be wary of having Perky as the token female in the book. I’m only reading to the end of chapter two, and you may make her into a very different character than I have in my mind at the moment, which would be great.
I see some good potential plot twists, the bullet in the head, the guy on the hill, dirty cops, Darkly looks like he was transferred because he got in some sort of trouble. Expand on some of these things near the beginning to give the reader something to grab onto.

It reminds me a little of Hott Fuzz.

Good luck.

Lorrii

Witty dialouge. Dead bodies. A detective named Darkly. Love him. This is girtty detective pulp at its best. Shelved!

Hello Jason,

Great opening chapter for what promises to be a compelling and suspenseful story. You wrote it well, with witty and light-hearted lines that become evident in the early chapter. Your characters stand out, especially Darkly hom I light right away. This is a story with the potential to make it to the top. Rightly shelved.

All the best.

Janvier (Flash of the Sun)

Hi Jason.
I always like a laugh on a Monday and now I've had one. Good writing, good comedy -a rare combination. I'm sure Darkly offers a wealth of comic opportunities and from what I've seen, you'll exploit them all. And as for Perky...!
Shelved for sheer fun.
Cas.
(KING'S ENVOY)

This one ticks all the boxes! Well written, a good story, wonderful dialogue and some great wit!

Shelved.

All the best
Elaina

This is packed with wit right from the start. The dialogue's fantastic throughout... in fact your writing looks sound in general to me and I don't have any editorial suggestions. I've read the first 4 chapters and think there's enough depth to the main characters to avoid them becoming too cartoon-ish - great work. There also seems to be a decent mystery in there too - great work again. Professional blurb/pitch too. Shelved.

Lisel
Isis In Crisis

You liar. Didn't you tell me this book was 'terrible'? Then you're a liar!

Liar, liar, pants on fire ...

Personally, I think comedy policiers are very difficult to pull off, but you've done it with aplomb. Shades of Stoppard (Tom, not Miriam) I felt in the opening section - that's Stoppard at his best, when he's not wandering off on some absurdist w*nk. But as it progressed, I found myself settling into a genuinely funny, really enjoyable story told by a first class humorist with real writing skill.

Now, what I think is this: there's a dearth of good comedy on telly, right now. That's partly because TV (like publishing?) got rid of all the people who knew what they were doing in order to replace them with newer, less efficient models. But this (IMHO) would translate beautifully into a hilarious TV comedy-drama. The dialogue sparkles with perfectly judged humour. Naturally, it should be published. Of course it should. But my instincts are never wrong. Well, almost never. Well, quite often, actually. But trust me on this. It should be televised, because then you'd win a BAFTA and one of those Montreux rose things.

Brilliant!

Simon

Hi Jason,

I love the subtle humour. Inspector Darkly for some reason puts me in the mind of Sherlock Holmes. Darkly is a brilliant character. He’s so well crafted and feels real it’s amazing how much he comes alive.

Perky and Darkly. Brilliant names and colourful characters. The dialogue is spot on. It has a classic ring to it.

Great imagery. The vivid descriptions set the scenes wonderfully.

I had such a great laugh reading this. It’s bloody brilliant! This just has to reach the desk. Read two chapters and will be back for more.

Very well written. I honestly couldn’t find anything to nitpick at. This is very polished.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

Jason,

I'm reading this because you read and commented on the lovely Dania's The It! Refugees in the last week of July.

That's a great short-pitch, certainly grabs the attention. The long pitch is short, but to the point and leads me to expect a work that will be tightly written, dark (the MC's name's a clue, right?) but with a sense of humour. I did have a couple of observations on the long pitch:

--first are police transferred between different forces (I thought it was something they had to seek out, but I'm no expert); and
--second I would've liked to know which northern town is Darkly's home, setting can be such an important part of a modern crime novel.

Moving on to the work proper. You open with dialogue at the scene. One couldn't ask for more. As expected there's a dark humour here, but also all the ingriedients of a classic crime story. A few pages in and still not sure whether is more comedy or more crime story. Both are well done, but may need to give one prominence over the other . . . perhaps not, I need to read more.

Dialogue's great, pacing is good and the story unfolds nicely with Darkly's character being revealed slowly and without heavy handed exposition.

I've read three chapters in, the second with the introduction of Bob and the revelation of a darker side to Darkly's methods threw me a little, I hadn't sensed it coming, but was well done, again with good humour.

Chapter three has the first real exposition but it's handed out in bite sized pieces in a way that works well, the main story progresses but with Darkly sending Perky outside to wait then emerging with the tapes there's more than a suggestion that the methods from chapter two are being employed on this case.

This is very well executed and easy--and enjoyable--to read, I'm reminded a little of Ben Elton's writing. I have little to offer by way of constructive crit. My only issue is that of genre and whether is comedy-crime, or crime-comedy. My feeling is that's it's a dark comedy first and foremost and that perhaps that needs to be reflecte more, but this is a very minor point (chapter three probably had less humour than the other chapters, but it was hardly serious).

Shelved with pleasure.

Interesting story. Can't say that it grabbed me like insane, but the pitch the good and I like your wit. Keep it up!