Book Jacket

 

rank 5320
word count 21863
date submitted 08.03.2009
date updated 30.09.2009
genres: Non-fiction, Travel, Harper True Li...
classification: universal
incomplete

What Boundaries? Live Your Dream!

Lisa Chavis and Cheryl MacDonald

Come join the fun! Two women, twelve European countries, two overstuffed backbacks, a cruise ship and more laughs than you can count!

 

Ireland, Belgium, France, Italy, Greece, Turkey, Spain, Liechtenstein, Austria, Switzerland, Czech Republic, and Germany - no place is safe from these overpacked adventurers! From tossing tomatoes at La Tomatina to hefting steins at Oktoberfest, these two show that traveling the world can be a laugh-along experience.

Here's what readers are saying:

"Foolishly I had a quick look and then couldn't put this down again."

"I have enjoyed your writing so much. It has been endlessly entertaining, and I have been "living the dream" Please give me more!"

"Aggggghhhh!!!!! Why oh why oh why did I have to start reading this wonderful book! "

"This is the most fun I've had all week. Total, hysterical die-laughing fun. Best narrative voice I could ever imagine."

Come along and join the fun as Lisa and Cheryl tackle the world one laugh at a time!


 
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adventure, around-the-world, backpacking, belgium, comedy, europe, france, greece, greek islands, humor, ireland, italy, memoir, paris, spain, travel,...

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CHAPTER ONE

 

He who would travel happily must travel light.”

- St. Exuprey

 

There are few chunky backpackers.

I made this astute observation while packing for our trip through Europe. Granted, the adventure magazines always show the most beautiful human specimens alongside this year’s top-of-the-line gear. I can’t say I blame them. If I were Kelty or Osprey and I’d spent lots of money developing the bag that could hold it all, it would be a great disappointment to see it strapped to the back of someone who looked like me. Now, I wouldn’t say I’m morbidly obese or anything close to that – but I am carrying a few too many Big Macs around my middle. I don’t look anything similar to those svelte backpacker models with hard abs and calves chiseled from stone. Looking in the mirror it’s hard to tell what’s lumpier, the backpack or me.

But backpacking was a sport anyone could do, right? Toss a few things in a pack; pick it up, put the whole thing in the RV and you’re off for a great camping trip. Easy enough.

“What exactly goes in a backpack, anyway?” I asked, trying to read the upside down checklist from the camping magazine Cheryl was reading. Cheryl is the planner for this journey. She makes the lists and as my traveling companion that is necessary. I have extreme list phobia.

“The usual stuff. Food – that freeze-dried kind. A flint. Some matches. A sleeping bag. Don’t worry. I’ll make a list.”

“Um. About this backpacking thing. I thought we’d be living in a little more civilized manner.” My imagination ran more toward seaside evening dining on the French Riviera or sipping fine wine from a balcony in Tuscany. Were we really planning on eating freeze-dried food? Eww. And what would we do with a flint? “I’m not so sure I’m okay with this.”

“We’re going to be on a budget traveling all over Europe and we have to be ready for anything. It will be better to have something we don’t need than to need something we don’t have.” This prophetic statement spelled H-E-A-V-Y in my mind, but I agreed.

We’d start with the backpack.

Thus began our sporting goods store visits, one after another, faithfully trying on, snapping clips, snugging buckles, hoisting to our shoulders for a quick romp around the aisles, dodging exercise machines and enduring the eye-watering new rubber smell of bicycle tires.

Once we had the list narrowed down to those that fitted best, were made specifically for women’s torsos, had a pocket for a water bladder (important to carry your water low on your back, the Gear Guide said), and were the right color (very important! I wanted red, Cheryl wanted blue), we were ready to make our purchases.

Cheryl hit the Internet to find the best deals on-line. The Gear Guides also advised doing this – you’ll get the Best Price online. If that’s what the Guide said, we were doing it. Soon she had even negotiated free shipping and next day delivery. I called from work the next morning to see if “the package” had arrived. I was so excited. On retrospect, I now wonder what on earth I was thinking.

It looked easy in the magazines. Never mind that the closest I’d ever come to carrying a rucksack (the “real” travelers’ name for a backpack) for any distance was between classes during my far away college years. I lived on-campus. I carried a notebook, a pen, and a super-sized pack of peanut M&Ms for energy.

In the sporting goods store, the pack I selected seemed fine. A tad on the heavy side at three pounds, but I was sure I could adapt. After all, I was going to “backpack across Europe”. It sounded completely cool and adventurous.

“Wow! You’re backpacking through Europe? That’s amazing!”  Looks of pure envy were coming my way each time I used those words.

In the weeks preceding the trip, I started to begin every conversation with, “Yes, I’m backpacking across Europe for thirteen weeks.” Likely some of those looks I confused with envy were carefully concealed thoughts of:  Is she out of her mind? Is this a mid-life crisis? She’s not young or as fit as everyone else in the backpacker magazines. How will she manage to do it?

Still, in my mind I was trekking through the mountains of Austria – the Von Trappe family as my guide. My lederhosen fit snug as a glove and the pack sits weightless on my shoulders because I’d done the research and the “perfect” fit.

The backpacks arrived! We reverently unpacked them, staring in awe at the pretty colors. Special cords and loops were there to hold all manner of things. I wasn’t sure what things (maybe an ice axe and M&M’s), but I was positive it would be neat to have them just in case.

“I can see us now,” I mused. “Summiting Mt. Kilimanjaro in the crystal clear dawn to the applause and accolades of two hundred of our closest friends. It will be a moment we’ll never forget.” 

“Lisa, we’re going to Europe. Not Africa. There will be no cameras from National Geographic following us.” Cheryl explained.

I sighed. So my geography was a bit off – as it proved to be more than once on this European journey. A tiny taste of what was in store for us along the way.

Cheryl had a great idea. “Let’s fill the packs with towels for bulk and put in a ten pound weight. If we carry them around everywhere for the next few weeks, we’ll be ready when it comes time for the trip.” She’s so smart! I ran off to get my towels and my weight.

Holy cow! That’s heavy!  I thought to myself, but didn’t dare say anything to Cheryl as she didn’t seem to be having any issues at all. This was only ten pounds and a few towels. We estimated my pack would hold twenty-five pounds and Cheryl’s thirty-five. We had a long way to go. Maybe I’d got the wrong pack in the mail. This one – even empty – felt much heavier than it had in the store a week ago.

We made plans to go on a “prep hike” with the packs. Fill them up with fun stuff – a bottle of wine and a bucket of fried chicken head out to a popular park and hike out as far as we were able to walk and come back. This would get us ready for the road.

I used up every justification in my well-worn excuse book. “It’s too hot,” “the bugs are really bad today”, “it’s going to rain and we’ll get soaked”; until we ran out of time and our best laid plans to prepare for carrying the packs around Europe were just a memory.

It was getting close now. Just over a week to go. Most of the trip purchases had been made. Lists checked and re-checked. Everything was a go and it was time for a dry run.

Having recently become homeless after selling all of our worldly possessions, Cheryl and I were staying with friends who were kind enough to let us store our “trip stuff” in their garage. A beautiful Saturday morning held all the promise of the new adventure awaiting us. We pulled out everything we’d need for the thirteen weeks, sorted and checked it off the list. Shoes…socks…underwear…shirts... Somewhere after shirts and way before pants, I ran out of room in my pack. Completely and totally. I shoved, scrunched, and stomped on the sack in a vain attempt to get more inside. It wasn’t happening. All of the secret pockets were stuffed until the zippers strained. And I still had a big pile of stuff that absolutely had to go. I was close to panic. I’d pared down my belongings four times. No wiggle room remained for leaving anything out at this point.

The backpack was so deceptive. It looked huge – 3500 cubic inches, the tag read. That should hold my entire wardrobe. Zippers uncovering secret pouches were now straining under willful socks and panties. This bag was the opposite of those tiny cars that can hold one hundred clowns – this looked as though it could hold all of my stuff and the neighbors with plenty of room to spare. In reality it was full after only a few items. Shaking my head in despair, I went for to the Guide for help.

To remedy the space issue, the Guide advised buying compression sacks and packable bags that squish down to nothing once the air is pushed out of them. These squishy bags were a great help on the trip early-on. Put in a pile of clothes, seal it up, and roll until all the air is out. Presto – extra space. This wasn’t quite was wonderful as it sounds. As we used these every day, by the middle of the trip the seals got leaky. Suddenly my backpack would swell up like a giant Pufferfish, straining the zippers until I could get back in and re-seal everything.

Cheryl graciously offered to carry some of my things as her pack was bigger – I’d purchased the “woman-torso” specific model to accommodate my lack of height. The smaller size, however, drastically cut down on my available space for stuffing stuff. But Cheryl’s pack was already full. She was carrying the laundry gear and we needed to be sure some room was left over as it was sure to expand as our dirty clothes pile grew.

My dilemma grew worse as back in the house I found even more items I deemed absolutely necessary for personal contentment on this trip. Inside were electronics I was charging and couldn’t imagine getting on the plane without them.

Cheryl suggested a small daypack in addition to the large rucksack. That was almost the answer. Only now the daypack loaded with a laptop computer (albeit a small one), two cameras and their assorted charging devices was almost as heavy as the one I was carrying on my back. I’d run out of appendages on which to tote things. Disappointment and panic were growing exponentially as the trip drew closer.

Desperate, I went to the Internet for a solution. What did others do who had to take more stuff than their collective packs would hold?

A large duffle was one answer. Put both the large rucksack and the daypack together in one duffle, sling the whole thing over one shoulder and off you’d go. Sounded as though it was a good idea to me. Off I went to the sporting goods store (again) and came back with the biggest duffle they made. It was almost longer than I was tall. Surely this one would hold everything I needed to take, right? Right! It held it all and even had room to spare. I was ecstatic. It would all fit and I wouldn’t have to leave anything important behind. I proudly showed my new purchase to Cheryl; sure she’d be impressed with my ability to solve my problem with such efficiency. 

Kindly, but with a slight touch of skepticism, she took a good look at it. “Can you lift it?” 

Of course I could lift it. I hadn’t tried to lift it yet, but I was sure I could.  If I was able to carry each of the packs individually, together they shouldn’t be a problem. Uh-huh. My God, it was heavy. And incredibly unwieldy. One pack shifted in one direction, while the other wrapped itself around my legs as I attempted to take a few steps toward the door. But I was determined. “I’ll be able to do it,” I said with a confidence borne of desperation.

“Well, you can always give it a try in Seattle and if it works, take the duffle to Europe. But you don’t look comfortable.” 

I shot her a glaring look, my face already beet red from the exertion of trying to hoist the lumbering duffle onto my shoulder and stagger to the door, the bag a mere two inches from the floor.

We’d planned a vacation in Seattle with a friend well before the idea for the European adventure took hold, now this would be an opportunity to test out the solution to my packing woes.

“I’ve got it. I’ll be fine. Just quit looking at me,” I muttered. As soon as I was safely outside the door, I dropped the sack and wondered what I had been thinking. This wasn’t much fun at all.

As I’m sure you’ve figured out, Seattle was a bust as far as my luggage situation was concerned. By the time I got the giant albatross to the baggage check-in in Tampa, I was sweating profusely and swearing I’d never pack anything more than would fit a carry-on bag, no matter how long I would be staying. When I pulled it off of the baggage claim carrousel in Seattle, I hated it. My shoulder had pulled out of its socket with an audible pop and I could barely drag the awful thing across the airport floor.

My traveling companions had mercy on me and suggested we open the duffle, take everything out and share the load between us all. As much as I wanted to be rid of the thing, my pride wouldn’t let me share the load. It was my stuff. My responsibility. But I did agree to open the duffle, pop the big rucksack on my back and hand-carry my daypack. It worked. By the time we were back in Tampa, I’d ditched the duffle. It is now a black, lumpy thing in my friend’s garage, awaiting its next victim.

Now with only five days left until we were officially “on the road” for thirteen weeks, I was out of options. I cut down on my underwear allotment to three pairs, shoes to two pairs, and decided I didn’t really need to read any books. Surely some place in Europe would have a book I could beg or borrow? Tearfully, I put my good camera (too big) in storage and bemoaned the imagery I was already sure I’d be missing.

It was a total stroke of luck. A trick of fate? Divine guidance? The Universe at work? Whatever. I had everything I might possibly fit tightly stuffed in my pack with just two days to go until the wheels of our plane left the ground. I was trying not to think about what I’d be leaving behind. This trip was all about teaching me to let go of material things and this was my biggest test so far.

I was meeting some friends for a goodbye dinner at the mall and happened to walk by the brand new, just opened, still-smells-like-fresh-paint – Dick’s Sporting Goods. I looked around the cavernous room with an awe I’ve only previously experienced in Notre Dame Cathedral. It was as if the enormous tent set up in the middle of the store was put there just as a beacon for me. Drawing me closer. Deep into the camping department. Closer. Until I saw it. It was what I had been destined to find. A super-sized, larger-than-life, gynormous RED backpack. Red, my favorite color. It was a sign.

I picked it up and peered inside, my voice echoing through the deep spaces. Huge spaces. So much room. Now I could bring everything I wanted and I’d still have room to spare. And did I mention, it was red?

The bag wasn’t specially fitted for a woman’s torso. It was meant for someone six foot two inches tall who had a lot of crap to carry. I didn’t care. I’d manage to carry it. Somehow.

 

 

 

 

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RachelMay wrote 1020 days ago

ABSO-FRIGGIN-HYSTERICAL!

As someone who has backpacked with a huge unweildy backpack through Israel and had a guitar strapped to my back too, this book was like being with a close, hilarious friend. I loved Cheryl and her planning. I loved the way your describe your MC stumbling with the incredibly heavy backpack on. I love it all. I could identify with the glee at seeing faces light up with envy when she says she's spending 13 weeks back packing through Europe. And I laughed outloud when Cheryl said the wise words of better to have what you don't need that need what you don't have. I love it. I can't say enough about how much I like it. It flows. It just works. Every piece of it. By chapter 2 I was like HELLS YES I"M GOING TO SHELVE THIS!

So I am.

Well done. You got me.

Rachel May
Going Twice

Djedra wrote 1063 days ago

Brilliant! I smiled all the way, and I've just read through everything you've got here. Is there going to be more? I hope so. You should definitely find a publisher.
First off, I rarely pick up travel books. In the few that I've read, the author tends to try to cash in on their courage, audacity and all round wonderfulness for being able to travel at all. I loved your book because it is as far from an ego-trip as it could possibly be. It is open, honest and, above all, completely real. So much of it rang true. I love to travel myself and could totally identify with your experiences: "Take the orange buggy; it runs all day." "The orange buggy? It doesn't run on a Sunday." Perfect!
Did you get all the way around the world? What was your favourite place? Your book just makes me want to sit down and have a coffee with you, and find out everything about your adventure.
Congratulations on a beautiful book (from what I've seen so far). Shelved.

kizgikate wrote 554 days ago

Post more! Get to Turkey!

TJONES wrote 854 days ago

I've never backpacked, but after reading this it makes me want to. Great story. I like the flow of this book. Great job.

Andrew W. wrote 962 days ago

What Boundaries? Live Your Dream

Hi Lisa and Cheryl,

A warm bubbly narrative, funny moments, self-deprecating humour and the joy of all the adventures to come, a great read for our own travelling journey. Your characters shine through strongly and these are people we want to spend time with, great stuff - backed, Andrew W.

SHRous wrote 965 days ago

While I haven't backpacked around Europe, I do remember the challenges of packing (and being able to carry the pack!) for 3 weeks in Wyoming. This was absolutely hilarious. Fabulous writing! Definitely going on the shelf!

Deirdre05 wrote 965 days ago

Hello Ladies,

I came across your book while doing a search for all things "Italian". Your book sounds like great fun - and what an adventure. I've just read the first chapter - red is my favourite colour too! I'm looking forward to reading more. Happy travelling to you both. Deirdre05 (Roma Amor)

Jeff Blackmer wrote 995 days ago

Lisa and Cheryl!
What a great adventure! You make even the time spent preparing fun! This is funny, warm, engaging and so readable. This is the kind of book I would stumble upon in a bookstore, start reading, start smiling and then buy. What fun. Thanks for sharing this adventure with us in such a grand way.
On my shelf.
Jeff

sestius wrote 997 days ago

Hello, ladies - well, it's clear that you're Bryson fans. This was a lovely little read, and refreshing to have that Bryson-esque voice and sardonic outlook on travelling coming from two "ordinary women in their 40s" (although if you persist on putting an apostrophe in "40s", I shall be terribly *vexed* - stop it immediately and emend). Lovely, rolling prose, and some canny little one liners. Here's to finding a new species of shrew in Inner Mongolia. I shall give you a moment on the shelf. Might I be louche, and invite you to pop over to my own nonsense on here, 'Pistols', to leave a brief comment? Lovely to meet you, and best of luck with 'Boundaries' - sestius

Odysseus wrote 1018 days ago

Here is the Backpacker’s Guide to Europe:

“What’s The Worst Thing That Can Happen?”

“ Here’s a tip. When planning your trip around the world, DON’T start with that thought foremost in your mind.”

And here is the Summary:

“Come join us in our journey to see the world, meet the people, and see how we can make fill a bit of this huge planet we call home with laughter. Join us for a day or join us for a lifetime – it’s never too late to live your dreams!”

With all the exuberance of setting out:

“It was hard to explain how excited I was at the little “gifts” that were on my seat when we boarded. Forget the typical blanket and pillow – we had our own special package of stuff for the long haul. An eye mask (in basic black), earplugs, a little lotion that smelled so nice, and a personal toothbrush complete with a sample of fresh, minty toothpaste. I was thrilled!”

Followed by some more mundane realisations:

“My immediate concern was that we would be turned away, back into the cold, lashing rain. It is called a “YOUTH” hostel, after all. Certainly, we were far too old to be staying here? The average age of anyone I saw was around twenty-one. I have a good twenty years on the oldest. Looking at two bedraggled, decidedly older women, sagging under the weight of their belongings – Would they send us somewhere else? An Irish Convalescent Home perhaps?”

“Lining both sides of our room were bare, blue, metal bunk beds. Bunk beds? What were we getting ourselves into? Four sets of beds, so this room could hold eight people. This brought to mind a comment our friend Sandy had said when we talked about staying in a hostel and how they weren’t much different from hotels. “Any room with more than two beds in it isn’t a hotel, it’s a shelter.” I sighed and promptly called the top bunk. This upset Cheryl more than I’d expected. “

But this is really an amusing romp through the backpackers’ Diary:

““I thought I’d be driving today. Did you want to drive?” Cheryl asked as she poked her head in.“Oh no! I’m just in the wrong side of the car.” How embarrassing.”

“At the Kerry Bog Village we were kissed by a Bog Pony – an adorable, blaze-faced creature whose hair was frizzing in the rain, just like ours.”

Eminently readable and thoroughly enjoyable. Shelved.




RachelMay wrote 1020 days ago

ABSO-FRIGGIN-HYSTERICAL!

As someone who has backpacked with a huge unweildy backpack through Israel and had a guitar strapped to my back too, this book was like being with a close, hilarious friend. I loved Cheryl and her planning. I loved the way your describe your MC stumbling with the incredibly heavy backpack on. I love it all. I could identify with the glee at seeing faces light up with envy when she says she's spending 13 weeks back packing through Europe. And I laughed outloud when Cheryl said the wise words of better to have what you don't need that need what you don't have. I love it. I can't say enough about how much I like it. It flows. It just works. Every piece of it. By chapter 2 I was like HELLS YES I"M GOING TO SHELVE THIS!

So I am.

Well done. You got me.

Rachel May
Going Twice

Tony Judge wrote 1020 days ago

Lisa and Cheryl,

What a breezy and entertaining travelogue you have here. You establish a consistent and appealing voice for the narration, which is important for a book of this kind; otherwise, we are into endless facts and figures about travel schedules and hotels. You have avoided that trap admirably with this funny, charming book.

I spotted a glitch early on: ‘…that was good thing.’ – typo

On my shelf for a spell, and good luck.
Tony (Sirocco Express)

Pierre Van Rooyen wrote 1026 days ago



Dear Lisa and Cheryl,


Hey, you two. Did you pass through Heidelberg in Germany? My daughter lives and works there. She’s forty too and as crazy as you. She holds down a big job and kicks male butt. Mine too if I don’t watch out.

Here in Langkawi, we’re just as mad as you. Sailing across the Indian Ocean. Visiting Borneo, Philippines, Thailand. All that jazz. On an income of $1000 per month . Tee-hee.

What Boundaries? Live Your Dream went on to my bookshelf immediately.

What an adventure and bully for you. Much admiration.

Now, can I tempt you into the fiction world? Although I don’t know very much, it is all I know except how to drive a tractor. So in the hope you may write fiction too, here are a stack of notes to drive you dilly. Have fun.

Over the past five months I have spent three hundred hours providing page-long critiques but can no longer keep up with the volume.

So I’m trying another way of passing on information.

I will attempt to do better than critique your work by indicating how you might judge it yourself. Rather along the lines of give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish, feed him for life. You may or may not agree with everything and I admit I do not always stick to these thoughts either.

What I have set out below are guide-lines based on what I myself have learnt from being published.

The pitch is critically important as among the book-lists which editors scan, your pitch stands alone with no support from the synopsis. I write the synopsis first, because a key sentence there is usually appropriate for the pitch.

A synopsis is not a dust-jacket advertisement. Aimed at a professional editor, it is a no-nonsense summary of what happens in the novel, including how the novel ends. Don’t leave the editor dangling and don’t ask her questions. Tell her.

Somerset Maugham said, ‘There are three rules for writing a successful novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.’

Correct. There are no rules for creativity. Think of Richard Bach’s Jonathon Livingstone Seagull. So way out, so creative it was rejected over a hundred times. Then it became a best seller.

There is one criterion though……. entertainment. Our writing must entertain from the very first sentence. There is no other reason for story-telling whether around a camp fire or in print..

I have struggled nine years to write three novels. Each written three times. One published, one lying fallow, Fig Tree currently in the process of being rewritten for the fifth time. Two literary agents requested the full manuscript but threw it back at me for narrative story telling. So I am rewriting, converting narrative to dialogue.

Based on what has happened to me, these are my thoughts on what editors want from us…………….


Plunge directly into the story. Do not set the scene or back-story first. When we go to a play and the curtain rises, we don’t see stage hands putting the props in place. The stage is already set. Likewise our opening paragraphs to the reader, the actors should immediately get on with it.

I have found that our opening chapter isn’t necessarily the first one we write. It might only occur to us when the novel is completed.

Let our characters drive the story-telling via dialogue, interplay and direct action. It’s stupid (although I am guilty of this) to have a stage set and silent characters frozen, while an off-stage narrator bores the audience with what is supposed to be happening on the stage.

Write minimal words because research shows that our readers’ brains race ahead of our words, visualizing the scene themselves, anticipating how our sentences end…… four times faster than they are reading. They become bored and frustrated by our overwriting, over description, unnecessary information. (I have been hauled over the coals for this.)

Write tight, sparse, lean, stark, bare bones. Adjectives and adverbs are for people who need a crutch to support their unimaginative nouns and verbs. As far as possible, always seek the appropriate noun and verb.

(Read John Steinbeck’s field notes Journal of a Novel which he jotted down while he was writing East of Eden. He edited out as many adjectives and adverbs as possible, finding the appropriate noun or verb instead.)

And yet, in my rewrite I am horrified to find superfluous words, adjectives, adverbs and general waffling which I am getting rid of. I am embarrassed at my own work.

My vocabulary is poor, so I use Roget’s Thesaurus which is a treasure. A real work-horse and a delight to use. It’s a companion that provides thousands of alternative words. Appropriate nouns and verbs are there for the picking.

Don’t write your scenes. Live them. Experience them. Meditate. Daydream yourself into them Watch what is happening. Listen to what the characters are saying. Smell the sweat or the aroma or whatever. Touch what the characters are touching. What do you feel? Taste the bile, the coffee, or the skin of the lover.

All communication is made through our five senses. I wear earmuffs when I write, to help me leave this world, experience the emotions and the senses and disappear into another universe which is the scene I’m trying to paint.

Are we stirring the emotions of the reader? Feeling is critically important. This can be achieved through good dialogue. Speak your dialogue aloud to hear what it sounds like. Is it natural? Do people really speak like that? Is it too formal? In the real world, we often don’t speak complete sentences. So dialogue can be truncated too to make it more natural.

In my opinion a novel must generate its own momentum, so readers experience it rather than read it. This can be achieved by dreaming it, experiencing it, living it, rather than writing it.

To avoid clumsiness I edit out the past participle ‘had’. I change ‘he had done it’ to ‘he did it’ It seems to make the action more immediate and more relevant.

I also dump words ending in ‘-ly’……. seemingly, clearly, obviously. actually, strangely, finally, eventually………. and all the others. Somehow they weaken our writing and make it vague.

And I am finding that much of the dialogue reads better if the ‘he said, she said’ is deleted.

Taking words out of our sentences and taking sentences out of long narrative paragraphs, in my opinion, is the secret to better writing. I can easily cut my stuff between 20% and 50%.

I learnt this when a literary agent demanded I delete 40,000 words from my first novel of 120,000 words. I was shocked but I cut it back to 80,000 words and the novel was published.

Fig Tree has already shed 16,000 words and I am currently rewriting it for the fifth time, changing the dialogue, cutting the narrative and tightening the writing as much as possible. I might dump another 6,000 words.

You may be interested in The Video Inside Our Heads, which is part of a confession I made about my idiocies in attempting to write. See, ‘How I Wrote and Sold My First Novel’ in Forum’s Writing section. It’s quite insane and you’ll probably laugh at me but it did work and I suppose that’s what matters..

I trust this is better than a critique and provides a bit of food for thought..


Kind regards,



Pierre Van Rooyen.

The Little Girl in the Fig Tree.

nillan wrote 1028 days ago

Lisa and Cheryl! This is such a nice story. What an adventure you two seem to have had! I would have liked travelling with you. Your language is also easy-flowing and fun. Your book is shelved.

Hope you will have a look on my book and read about how I broke up from a normal life!

Janet Marie wrote 1031 days ago

Hi Lisa and Cheryl. What a great adventure you have had. You share your story with the same educational and entertaining qualities as a pioneer's diary. I expected a blow by blow of each place you visited but instead you delivered zany events of girlish mature women who love to live. Your work is an inspiration for anyone who is timid about traveling. You two managed to meet attractive men, socialize with flare and reorganize your plans with carefree yet responsible attitudes. I made it with you to Brussels and am amazed at your initiative to enjoy and find humor in every inconvenience. You certainly had every situation imaginable occur. A travel story that breathes. That's what Fodor needs on it's list. Shelved. Good luck. Janet Marie

Kennesaw wrote 1038 days ago

Hi Ladies, I read in the order I've put on my watchlist. While I had an inkling that I was going to enjoy this, I wasn't prepared for how much I did. Kind of wish I had skipped a few and read yours first. This is told so well. The personal inner struggles with mundane things like packing your backpacks and the smelly shrimp and sausage, make this what it is. You've spent enough time on it for it to be relitivly free of technical issues, in fact I only saw a couple and they were so small, I can't even find them to comment on them. This is not a typical travel book, simply because the two of you are so personable. I hope that when this sells you use some of the money to do this again. It would be a great way to make a living. Good luck with this, I know it'll get published, but as with all of us, you'll have to cram it down a publishers throat. From reading this I think you can do it. Kennesaw

Lord Dunno wrote 1042 days ago

A travel book with a difference. This is lots of fun and very funny. Right from the first line 'There are few chunky backpackers', you had me. This is a great trip. And I was looking forward to your adventures in Spain, which I think I'll have to wait for until this is published. Good work, ladies!

kellymarie wrote 1045 days ago

Just had a quick look at your book, it was the picture of you guys parasailing that made me look! Hope you enjoyed it! This is a great account of two normal ladies going off and taking the world by it's horns. Well done i will WL this for when I have more time. If you like easy reading chick lit you can take a look and comment on my book Kel xxxxxx PS Good luck

John Harold McCoy wrote 1047 days ago

Now, this one is fun to read. I love this style of humor. I'm not even interested in backpacking, but I love the descriptions of the equipment. It makes me think the whole book is going to be fun to read. It's going on my watch list.

John

Nix wrote 1050 days ago

Thoroughly enjoyed this - two adventurous ladies! Well done. Shelved.
Nicky

CarolinaAl wrote 1051 days ago

Hi Lisa and Cheryl,

I read your first three chapters.

You've written a hilarious travelogue.

Your two travelers are flawed, real people who I find interesting.

Your vivid descriptions make places and people come alive on the page. Your attention to detail is superb.

Your anecdotes were unique and interesting.

Your humor was spot on for me.

Your pacing brought me into your story and held my attention throughout my read.

Some suggested edits.

The "real" travelers name for a backpack. Travelers should be travelers' (possessive).

Somehow those questions led two ordinary women in their 40s on an incedible journey through . . . Spell out numbers 1 to 99. Same thing with 'The 2nd highest per-capita consumption after the Czech Republic.' There are more cases of this type of problem in your first three chapters.

It was a lesson learned the hard way, waking up at 3AM . . . '3AM' should be '3 a.m.'

While family members watched from behind, screaming "Sell, sell, sell!". No need for the period.

Its blood making this "pudding" black. 'Its' should be 'it's.'

These are minor lapses and didn't interfer with my enjoyment of your hilarious story.

Good luck with this book which I have backed.

Al

PS: Might I ask you to read and review SAVANNAH PASSION?

Andy M. Potter wrote 1051 days ago

finally back for a further read. and more laughs, more dreams. shelved.
andy

Purpleelephant wrote 1052 days ago

Hey there you two!

Just got to the first chapter of your book and I can only say I wish I had time to read more. I'm on my teabreak and should've been back to work minutes ago! This first chapter had me chuckling away to myself all the way through.

You've set up the pace and the humour well and you have me wanting to read on.

Just a couple of suggestions. Have you considered starting with the line; 'There are few fat backpackers.' and then maybe go on with 'I made this astute observation...' This seems more in keeping with the rest of the chapter. To be honest, the first line, as it stands, tumbles over itself a bit and it's not really up to the standard of the rest of the piece. (AND if you want anything to be good, it has to be the first line!!) It also confused me a bit because I was too busy trying to work out the meaning of the 'pre-packing bit,' rather than involving myself in the story.

Also with the line that begins 'Never mind, I had never,,' Do you think you need both nevers?

Anyway I'm enjoying this read, looking forward to reading more. SHELVED!!

Good luck with this!

Mandy
X

mammydiaries wrote 1055 days ago

Aggggghhhh!!!!! Why oh why oh why did I have to start reading this wonderful book! I'm only halfway through the first chapter, my baby has given up trying to get my attention in the conventional way (crying) and has instead started eating baby wipes in a bid to get mommy off of the computer, the house is a disaster zone which DESPERATELY needs seeing to and all I want is to sit down and finish this book. Grrrrr.... I'm putting you on my shelf in the hopes that at some point in the next few days I will be able to finish it. So far, I'm loving it!

hallyally wrote 1057 days ago

OMG!
You two sound like other versions of myself and Other Half (in MY book!)
Me the 5* him the intrepid one. AND we also suffered robberies at the same Underground station -though ours was in Rome.
Just this short comment for now. I'll be backing this tomorrow when I can juggle my shelf around. Good luck with this. Alison

Katrina Twitchett wrote 1058 days ago

Ladies,

Most enjoyable. I like your view on life. I'm not sure I could be as brave as you, but I applaud you.

I felt the business about the rucksack in chapter one went on a little too long - I know it is of utmost importance, but I think it was just a bit too much. Other than that - I felt it all flowed well and the writing is obviously a true, honest narrative.

I am happy to shelve and wish you all the best of luck.

Kat

Joanna Stephen-Ward wrote 1060 days ago

This is very funny and well written. Love the stlye which reminded me of Bill Bryson. Only one tiny nit pick - did you really pull your shoulder out of it's socket? If not, just say It felt as if . . . Now, if you did, we need more details.

This is going on my shelf now.

Joanna

NancyB wrote 1061 days ago

Hi – Had a chance to give your book some time. I think you have the makings of an excellent story. This is relatable to anyone who has wanted to experience world travel. And the fact that two ordinary women did it makes it have even more appeal to the average Jane or Joe.

Here are my thoughts on the first two chapters.

Chapter 1:
Liked the humor with the svelte backpacking models vs. the average women. Could you expand on that a bit more? How did you feel when you looked at yourself in the mirror vs. the pics you see in the magazines?
You introduce the concept of “We” in the third paragraph. Who is the we?
Could you put in dialogue from a conversation that you and the other (of the we) had instead of summarizing with narration?
Example:
“It should be easy to backpack. All we have to do is toss a few things in our pack – what do we need any way?”
“I dunno. Food – that freeze dried kind, some matches, a sleeping bag.”
“There must be more.”
“Let’s just go to a sporting good store.”
Have us live the story be experiencing your interactions.
By paragraph 5, I know the other person is Cheryl.
I really liked the part where you are telling people “I’m backpacking in Europe.” Good thread of thoughts flowing from the simple statement.
The order of the story flows nicely. I just would like to see a bit more interaction at the front of the chapter.

Chapter 2
Start with a punchier lead to open the chapter. As an example:

The lure of rolling, green hills; black, foamy Guinness pints; and cheap tickets made Ireland the ideal launch of our round-the-world backpacking journey.
Would suggest you tighten up the writing a bit throughout this chapter. Eliminate extra words and use active verbs.
This sentence is an example of one that could use some condensing:
“It wasn’t long before the typical travel malady of something we affectionately call guidebook glaze began to overtake us. (Then there are several sentences saying this in different ways.)
Instead, something like…
“Soon guidebook glaze afflicted us. Our eyes turned glassy from reading small printed type. Our minds were mush remembering all of the sites we were supposed to visit. We were overwhelmed, and decided to drink Guinness rather than worrying about what Fodder’s thought we should do.”

Good luck to you as you progress on your book. Your trip sounds like it was an amazing adventure!

Nancy
Cycling, Wine and Men

AnnabelleP wrote 1061 days ago

Hi,
This is great stuff. I've read several travel books on Authonomy (something I don't usually read) and they've all been really good, this is the same. I laughed and enjoyed it. You have a lovely fresh approach to telling the reader about your travels and I felt as if I was almost there with you! Your descriptions are vivid and the info you give the reader just enough in my opinion - no bogging us down with all the boring facts ;-)
This is a book I could keep coming back to to read little snippets - so when is the rest coming?
On my shelf,
Annabelle ;-)
(Look forward to your thoughts on 'Adelaide' ;-))

superlynx wrote 1061 days ago

I have just finished your writing, reading it while having breakfast and balancing a bowl of muesli on my lap. Have you any more chapters,? I have enjoyed your writing so much. It has been endlessly entertaining, and I have been "living the dream" Please give me more! This should , without doubt, go into print. Your descriptions are wonderful, and I love the way you pepper your writing with information about the places you visit without sounding like a guidebook. I could never get "guidebook glaze" reading this. When are you going to "do" the rest of the world? I want to share a book with you that you might enjoy: The Art of Travel by Alain de Botton. At one point he describes sitting on a tropical beach......"the beach stretched away in a gentle curve towards the tip of the bay......and the first row of coconut trees inclined irregularly towards the turquoise sea......" Just as you think he is in heaven he goes on to say " a sore throat developed during the flight....a pressure across both temples and a rising need to visit the bathroom. A momentous but until then overlooked fact was making its first appearance: that I had inadvertently brought myself with me to the island." I've always thought that that sums up travel!

superlynx wrote 1061 days ago

I have just finished your writing, reading it while having breakfast and balancing a bowl of muesli on my lap. Have you any more chapters,? I have enjoyed your writing so much. It has been endlessly entertaining, and I have been "living the dream" Please give me more! This should , without doubt, go into print. Your descriptions are wonderful, and I love the way you pepper your writing with information about the places you visit without sounding like a guidebook. I could never get "guidebook glaze" reading this. When are you going to "do" the rest of the world? I want to share a book with you that you might enjoy: The Art of Travel by Alain de Botton. At one point he describes sitting on a tropical beach......"the beach stretched away in a gentle curve towards the tip of the bay......and the first row of coconut trees inclined irregularly towards the turquoise sea......" Just as you think he is in heaven he goes on to say " a sore throat developed during the flight....a pressure across both temples and a rising need to visit the bathroom. A momentous but until then overlooked fact was making its first appearance: that I had inadvertently brought myself with me to the island." I've always thought that that sums up travel!

superlynx wrote 1061 days ago

I have just finished your writing, reading it while having breakfast and balancing a bowl of muesli on my lap. Have you any more chapters,? I have enjoyed your writing so much. It has been endlessly entertaining, and I have been "living the dream" Please give me more! This should , without doubt, go into print. Your descriptions are wonderful, and I love the way you pepper your writing with information about the places you visit without sounding like a guidebook. I could never get "guidebook glaze" reading this. When are you going to "do" the rest of the world? I want to share a book with you that you might enjoy: The Art of Travel by Alain de Botton. At one point he describes sitting on a tropical beach......"the beach stretched away in a gentle curve towards the tip of the bay......and the first row of coconut trees inclined irregularly towards the turquoise sea......" Just as you think he is in heaven he goes on to say " a sore throat developed during the flight....a pressure across both temples and a rising need to visit the bathroom. A momentous but until then overlooked fact was making its first appearance: that I had inadvertently brought myself with me to the island." I've always thought that that sums up travel!

tmr wrote 1061 days ago

Fabulous - can relate so easily to this...parts feel like my own life. In fact, some of it feels like my book, but better! Well done ladies - should do very well. Have backed with pleasure. Maria

Rocky Lastinger wrote 1063 days ago

Carrying a few extra Big Macs around your middle---hey, take a look around in any Seattle Wal Mart--so does most everyone else. Don't need the quotation marks to denote thoughts--lose 'em. Try using italics (my preferred method), which is allowed, although even this is sometimes frowned upon.

Flows well for a non-fiction account. "I sell real estate. Do you own a house?" Great! "Let me give you my card..." Some sales people are always so ON - even when on holiday.

Ah, a youth hostel. Still one or two of these in Daytona Beach. And those pesky ghosts--a no show, of course. And the novelty of the hostels quickly wears off. It was probably the water, rather than the food.

Ahhhh-the pickpocket-a venerable French profession. And this one an obvious clothes horse. It's probably a good thing you didn't do the mousetrap thing--in Europe, that would likely landed you in jail.

Good job!

Djedra wrote 1063 days ago

Brilliant! I smiled all the way, and I've just read through everything you've got here. Is there going to be more? I hope so. You should definitely find a publisher.
First off, I rarely pick up travel books. In the few that I've read, the author tends to try to cash in on their courage, audacity and all round wonderfulness for being able to travel at all. I loved your book because it is as far from an ego-trip as it could possibly be. It is open, honest and, above all, completely real. So much of it rang true. I love to travel myself and could totally identify with your experiences: "Take the orange buggy; it runs all day." "The orange buggy? It doesn't run on a Sunday." Perfect!
Did you get all the way around the world? What was your favourite place? Your book just makes me want to sit down and have a coffee with you, and find out everything about your adventure.
Congratulations on a beautiful book (from what I've seen so far). Shelved.

Stephen J. Hage wrote 1063 days ago

I finished Chapter 3 and, I'm glad to say I'm still fully engaged. I'm impressed with your skills in describing setting, scenes and surroundings. It makes me feel like I'm there with you. I especially enjoyed your description of the bus ride and your use of the plastic bags. That was very real and drew me deeper into the story.

Very nice.

Steve

Dania wrote 1063 days ago

Love the title and big kudos for making a travel book so funny.

WhatBoundaries wrote 1064 days ago

This is pretty funny stuff. It's easy-breezy and fun. Which one of you are writing it?

Steve



I'm Lisa, the writer and Cheryl is the planner who put the 18 month around-the-world adventure into reality (and the fodder for some of the funnier mishaps, too). :-) It's a team effort for editing, though. Glad it made you laugh - that's our purpose with telling this story! Thanks for giving it a look!

Stephen J. Hage wrote 1064 days ago

This is pretty funny stuff. It's easy-breezy and fun. Which one of you are writing it?

Steve

Andy M. Potter wrote 1064 days ago

what boundaries - none! nice opening. great self-deprecating humour. i'm a sucker for travelogues, and i'm with you already. on my wl instantly. will take 3-4 days to read on and find room on the "big s."
best, andy

wainwright& priestley wrote 1064 days ago

Great fun so far. I hope to read more and will put you on our shelf. Good luck on the site

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 1065 days ago

Foolishly I had a quick look and then couldn't put this down again. Whoever is writing this is a natural, it's a good job I wrote Cuthbert before you thought of it. Really amusing, the observations are priceless, most people wouldn't even notice the things you report. Straight on my shelf. Patrick Barrett (Shakespeares Cuthbert)

ADO wrote 1065 days ago

Dear Lisa and Cheryl, I've really enjoyed reading What Boundaries? and I feel that I have been there alongside you in your travels. Great fun writing and you easily convey a real spirit of adventure and excitement. You must post up your continuing travels... On my shelf. With many thanks, Andrew (author of BIG FISH)

JanJ wrote 1067 days ago

Dingle Dingle Dingle...This is such a fun refreshing read. Love the witty banter and humorous mishaps. You've done a great job at entertaining me with this story. I was just so caught up in the reading...hated for it to end. I think you'll do well with this and I'm more than happy to give it a turn on my book shelf.
Jan (LAZY CATS)

WhatBoundaries wrote 1067 days ago
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