Celtic Evil

very good book and one that would do marvellously well. Got the spells, ancient prophecy and magic all comblined into a page tuner.

Happy to back
The Lord of the dawn

Backed.

Sierra Rose,
Celtic Evil is a very good story: Your writing style is clean and easy to read.
Njoy *moods and expressions*

Excellent! There's not much here that I can say that hasn't been told already below. I'd only be repeating it. Backing it with pleasure. I'd come back to read more at the later time.

Lit Fic fantasy--AWESOME! And there is a romantic bent on it too--this is right up my alley!

Your writing looks polished to me. There is a lot of intrigue in your prologue. I wonder what the old man is trying to accomplish. You quickly introduce a lot of strong characters in your opening chapter. Good luck with this.
xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

You write with the steady hand of a seasoned author. The story is quick to involve the reader and there is a plot with both depth and character developing. My early fears about an american writing about the Irish proved unfounded, but I would check with a friendly irishman/irishwoman to ensure authenticity. It always helps in my book. There's definitely a hook to your writing and it deserves a place on my shelf.
Backed
David
Bailey of the Saints

A well crafted and well written story. Your use of imagery is excellent and your character development is solid - I especially liked how you profiled the brothers. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Hi Sierra, An excellent leading up, profiling the brothers in the five. I found myself caught into the story, wanting to read more slowly, with Ian when the fire broke out, Mac and his abilities, Ryan’s gambling. You’ve snared with each of these men's environs and their happenings. Mounting to their reunion? It’s finely written and with the history, maintains a compelling storyline. Easily shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

This is an exciting, gripping book. The five Fitzgerald brothers are each tested, and resist the temptations of Sebastian, the evil being who killed their parents fifteen years ago. The crow comes to Ian, the shadow with the red eyes to Kerry, the wolf to Mac. These are all fought off without too much pain, except for the migraine pains in the boys' heads. But Ryan's testing comes in the form of Annie, a girl he loved, who was killed by something pursuing him; and Roake's test is even harder, as what seems to be his mother comes and calls him to go with her. If Jessica had not warned him, Roake might easily have given in. But the result, in each case, is to send the brothers home, to unite against Sebastian. You have hooked us in rapidly, and as the excitement and tension builds, we are eager to read on. Your writing flows smoothly and your dialogue works realistically (Although 'Junior' isn't normally used in Ireland. We would say 'In his second year.') Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

I like this very much, good luck with it, backed with pleasure. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

Celtic Evil
Sierra Rose

Your writing style seems fluent and uninhibited, your plot and characters endlessly fascinating, well-spiced with intrigue, drama, magic, evil, with that pervasive touch of the supernatural to thrill and bewilder. A fascinating read really. Good luck in finding a publisher.
Zan

As ever there are so many books to catch up on here, but I've had chance to read the first few pages and this is nicely put together with interesting threads and characters that make you want to read more.

Clive
Cincinnati Dancing Pig

Sierra: both of these pitches TELL, instead of SHOW. Use these pitches as a sell technique. But I would break down that long pitch into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

I absolutely love this book so far and have backed with pleasure. Will leave more detailed comments when I have had a chance to read more!

L.C. (Northern Escape)

This is a good story: an effective mix of real characters in real situations (the brothers) matched against an evil warlock. Your writing style is clean and easy to read. I thought your characters would have what I think of as Irish accents but I guess that depends on what part of Ireland they come from so no problem. Either way, this is a good read. I'm adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

New complete version.

CELTIC EVIL:

Sierra,

A fascinating story that grips the reader from the word go. A lovely blend of adventure and magic with complex characters you want to get to know. You are a born story-teller with a great imagination and this looks like being an exciting series. A careful read through will soon show up the typos, especially if you read it out loud so that words repeated jump out at you. I did this with Pinpoint, and was amazed just how many I'd missed when merely reading with my eyes!

Backed with pleasure, and wishing you good luck on your path to publication.

Sheila Mary Taylor (Pinpoint)

Hi Sierra, great story. Nothing like a tale of Ancient Ireland to conjur up an image of a mystical, misty Isle, infused with magic and demons. Combining the old with the new, the past with the present makes for a most intriguing story. Just one very small thing, to the best of my knowledge, Kerry is a girl's name.
Paul.

I'm loving this book! It's got so many ingredients that I like to have in a book (paranormal, history, romance). I think it's very well written and I am deeply involved right now. Such a great setting for a book and I can imagine this was fun to write, it's got the feel that you were deeply invested in it. (If that makes sense). Wish you luck with this.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

The cover is perfect too.

It's everything needed for a stupedous escape into a fascinating world. And in this case five is definitely better than one. Brilliant. Backed. Lynn

Backed with pleasure! Joss E. Morris (A Bore No More)

Brilliant story, i feel that you enjoyed writing it
and that's contagious. On my shelf.
Coupla glitches in the pitch, 'cast' not casted' I think.
'long' not 'log', and another I can't find right now.
In school they told us names starting with Fitz..come
from the Norman invsion, not celtic, not that it matters.
Lotsa luck with it mikegilli The FRee

Backed.

Jesse - Savant

Celtic Evil has a good pitch that sets the scene well for a tense family saga spiced with witchcraft, magic and old guilt resurfacing - a potent mixture - but please proof read it to get the typos out of the shop window! The prologue sets the scene nicely and the opening chapters plunge straight into the battle with some crisp dailogue and fine descriptive narrative. An enjoyable read that will appeal to your target audience, and I'll be happy to back it.

Lol, thanks, Frank. As a total American I often worry about writing about Irish characters. I considered that there might be issues with Kerry's name but he was actually name for both his mother's maiden name and the county in which they were born. I'm going to upload more chapters soon and will also be checking your book out as well.

Harry Potter meets The Clancy Brothers! (Joke)
I was all ready to tear this to pieces (Simon Cowell style) for being stage Irish, but goddammit I actually kept reading, and my cynicism slowly turned to begrudging admiration. You are a storyteller. The scene in Trinity with the bird being understood by Ian was excellent (I presume it was speaking from one of the trees at the edge of the cricket pitch) and my, you are not short on invention and you are well able to shift location. I think it's confusing to call a character "Kerry" when he is in Kerry... easy to change. It's weird, but you're through to the next round!
Frank

Harry Potter meets The Clancy Brothers! (Joke)
I was all ready to tear this to pieces (Simon Cowell style) for being stage Irish, but goddammit I actually kept reading, and my cynicism slowly turned to begrudging admiration. You are a storyteller. The scene in Trinity with the bird being understood by Ian was excellent (I presume it was speaking from one of the trees at the edge of the cricket pitch) and my, you are not short on invention and you are well able to shift location. I think it's confusing to call a character "Kerry" when he is in Kerry... easy to change. It's weird, but you're through to the next round!
Frank

Celtic Evil...

Wow! A really good story here, and you've picked a very difficult way to tell it. I know because I have four POV characters in my novel.

The general rule with multiple POVs is that each scene must move the story forward. You can get away with some scenes at the beginning to establish character, I think (I hope so, because that's what I've done in a couple of my first chapters), but not thereafter. I haven't read enough (only your partial) to know whether you've done that, but just in case you haven't....

Love your characters, but I found lots of repetitions and unnecessary words. You really do need to tighten this novel. About a week ago, I tightened my last chapter. I started with close to 4000 words and ending up with slightly less than 3000 words, i.e., it eliminated more than 1000 words from a scene I thought was already tight enough. I was brutal with myself. Rather than feel as though I'd cut off a limb, I actually felt as though I'd worked off ten ugly pounds of fat!

BTW, I found your very first sentence a bit awkward. At first I thought you might have used a misplaced modifier (e.g., the man shot the elephant in his pyjamas.) When I looked at it a second time, I wasn't sure that it was technically incorrect, but it certainly popped out for me. I'd reword.

Shelved, of course.

Cheers,
Sheryl
IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES

Celtic Evil...

Sorry for the delay in returning your read. I'll be commenting as I go along, starting with your pitches, but keep in mind that I'm severely pitch-challenged (i.e., don't use my pitch as an example).

Your short pitch is sometimes called the elevator pitch because you’re supposed to imagine that you’re in an elevator with an agent and you only have one or two sentences to pitch your novel in such a way that the agent will ask for a partial. Not sure yours does that. First, you should only pitch one project at a time, but don't despair, because if an agent likes this novel, you can be darned sure that s/he will ask about other projects. Second, I've been told that the agent wants to care about someone...if true, then perhaps you should start with Roarke and focus on his story.

BTW, pitches are always written in the present tense...which isn't a bad rule because it forces you to concentrate on your actual story rather than putting in tons of background or set-up.)

Here’s the allegedly winning formula for the longer pitch:
1. Who is your protagonist? (Roarke, right?
2. What does he want? (to combat the evil Warlock who killed his parents?
3. What obstacles does he encounter? (three specific ones is a good rule of thumb)
4. a hint about the resolution

Once you’ve revamped yours, would you please help me with mine?

And one more thing...once you're satisfied with your revamped pitch, you're not finished...you still have to tighten, i.e., remove every single excess word.

Reading on...

Hi Sierra,

This is a fascinating read. Love that you got right into the story. It’s full of energy and vivid characters. You have a good ear for dialogue.

“Ian!” she gripped his arm hard… she should be She.

“It’s not real, Molly(,)” (h)e replied. I notice other places where you end dialogue with a period and follow with a dialogue tag. You should end with a comma instead. If you follow dialogue with a character’s action e.g. Molly frowned/smiled/laughed then end the dialogue with a full stop.

I like that your setting jumps from one place to another. Smooth transitions. Nicely done.

Chap 2.

“Don’t scare him away this soon, luv(,)” Kerry urged…

Slowly lowering his glass, Kerry eyes locked… Kerry should be Kerry’s. Nice ending to the second chap. It made me want to read on.

This is a wonderful read. Very well written and very promising.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

Hello Sierra,

A varied setting, a unique storyline and a fascinating premise attests to the wideness of your imagination. I see the development of a compelling plot and the crafting of memorable characters here. Descriptions are vivid, dialogue is revealing and the prose is crisp. Overall, this is a well-written story on a genre I do not read often, but a story that I enjoyed nevertheless. Rightly shelved.

All the best.

Janvier (Flash of the Sun)

Hi Sierra,
First let me apologise for taking so long to get here for our read-swap. Now, some thoughts.
You have a great premise here and I really like the way you introduce all the brothers. Having the demon visit them all to find the 'one who will fall' is a good way to get your characters into the reader's mind. It also establishes their natures and gives them a chance to reveal their power. I also liked the fact that they weren't the only ones to see the demon. So right from the start you have shown the reader what the brothers are up against.
I did wonder though, whether you might want to shorten ch 1, as it is quite long.
In the prologue, you describe Sebastian as a 'witch', but most people think of the word 'witch' as being female. Warlock, perhaps?
I noticed that you sometimes changed tense mid-passage, as in 'laughed as he sets in motion..'. and 'kill him or those he has hated.' Stick to past tense in the narrative.
Watch also for repetition. Molly had a 'hard time fitting in a lot of times....she was overtalkative at times' Use of the word 'times' three times(!) in one sentence.
And again, 'staring at the outdoor stage ... he stared.'
'Yet he realized only he could hear the change.' How did he realize this?
You say Ian's parents were 'killed in an accident...the day they died.' Well they wouldn't have been killed the day *before* they died!
Also watch overuse of exclamation and question marks, as in 'Kerry?!' 'Are you alright?!'
You could do with getting someone to go over the punctuation as some of your sentences are very long with no punctuation at all. Sometimes what punctuation you have makes the sentence misleading. It's a thorny subject, punctuation, but it really pays to get it right.

These nit-picks aside, I think you have the makings of a very readable book and I wish you every success with it. I hope you enjoy King's Envoy when you return the swap.
All the best,
Cas.
(KING'S ENVOY)

Sierra

Right off, let me say you have my vote! This is mysterious, amazing, filled with imagination, has great characters, wonderful setting ( who can fault an Irish landscape?), flowing dialgue, hooks everywhere...phew.

The only nitpick: words instead of numbers.

Other than that, happy to shelve. And every success!

Elaina
Gathering of Rain

Note: to reply to a comment, leave said comment in that person's messages. Chances are, we won't see replies made on this page.

This is really fabulous!

Thank you. I need to add some more chapters to it later tonight.

Thank you and since I don't know what 'Oirishness' even is I'm glad I didn't fall into it.

This is very well written. You set each scene very well. And I like that you've avoided 'Oirishness' which a lot of people fall into. I was a student of Trinity College so I liked reading your viewpoint of it. There is far too much going on in the first chapter for me. You have so many scenes that its all jumping around. If you put some in the second chapter it wouldn't be quite so confusing. I also spotted a few typos. I suggest you change the full stop to an exclamation mark on "Rubbish." in your third paragraph. Also, "Nobody but us" would read better as "No one but us." "Go back from where you came from, demon." Demon should have a capital D. Hope I haven't come across as too critical. Shelved.

This is very well written. You set each scene very well. And I like that you've avoided 'Oirishness' which a lot of people fall into. I was a student of Trinity College so I liked reading your viewpoint of it. There is far too much going on in the first chapter for me. You have so many scenes that its all jumping around. If you put some in the second chapter it wouldn't be quite so confusing. I also spotted a few typos. I suggest you change the full stop to an exclamation mark on "Rubbish." in your third paragraph. Also, "Nobody but us" would read better as "No one but us." "Go back from where you came from, demon." Demon should have a capital D. Hope I haven't come across as too critical. Shelved.

I apologize for the delay in commenting you. You have a gift for words, my friend. You'll get to the editor's desk for sure! I am shelving you for the brilliant writing you offer us readers. This is your vision in print, and the writing is spot on.

If you have not read/commented, possibly back my book yet, please take a moment out and do that soon. Cheers!
JC

Overall, my kind of story. This is what I read all the time and enjoy. I'm going to shelve it based on imagination and creativity. Below is the tough stuff however.

For the Prologue:

I have a basic logic nit. Solstice (that we readers are familiar with) occurs twice each year. Summer and Winter. You should indicate what sets this solstice apart from what we are familiar with. Otherwise the 15 year thing seems odd.

Too many POV's here. I enjoy each character as it unfold but it is way too much and diffuses the empathy and attachment. In this case, it's best to pick one MC. I know that really sucks. They are all fascinating. But pick the strongest one and filter the rest of the brother's experiences through him. Lay suspicion of the weak link through that MC as well while having him doubt himself. If there were 3 brothers, you could do each. However, five is too many. Three appears to be the POV limit for most readers and one is the ideal.

Also, you have dialogue mechanic flaws. Those are easy to fix with edits though.

Edits... what a pain in the arse!

Rian

Thanks, Rian.

That's true however it came together as a five part series and that's pretty much set in stone. I do hope you continue to read and enjoy. I need to remember to put up more chapters. Not sure how many to list since it's an 18 chapter story with a one page epilogue. It actually looks smaller when I look at the print copy, lol compared to downloading chapters.

Overall, my kind of story. This is what I read all the time and enjoy. I'm going to shelve it based on imagination and creativity. Below is the tough stuff however.

For the Prologue:

I have a basic logic nit. Solstice (that we readers are familiar with) occurs twice each year. Summer and Winter. You should indicate what sets this solstice apart from what we are familiar with. Otherwise the 15 year thing seems odd.

Too many POV's here. I enjoy each character as it unfold but it is way too much and diffuses the empathy and attachment. In this case, it's best to pick one MC. I know that really sucks. They are all fascinating. But pick the strongest one and filter the rest of the brother's experiences through him. Lay suspicion of the weak link through that MC as well while having him doubt himself. If there were 3 brothers, you could do each. However, five is too many. Three appears to be the POV limit for most readers and one is the ideal.

Also, you have dialogue mechanic flaws. Those are easy to fix with edits though.

Edits... what a pain in the arse!

Rian

Thanks for those kind words. Yes, I thought I had gotten all those pesky numbers but clearly I missed some so there may be more. Drawback to weak eyes on a screen and using pitch 11 in the actual printed book.
You're the first to comment on Sebastian so I'm pleased someone paid the old guy some attention.

I'm going to read more of your book tomorrow (or today since it's after midnight).

Sierra.

Sierra!

Wow, I have just finished your first chapter. I will be back to read more of this during the week, it is magnificent!

I love the structure of the first chapter - Ian, Kerrigan, Patrick, Ryan and Roarke(great names) are all introduced separately in five different scenes, and are all faced with the same sneering voice : "You were born of the Five. Five into one, one to become five but it only takes one to fall and break the circle" This is so eerie.

I was drawn in straight away from your prologue, Sebastian is a great character and he jumps off the page - an ancient witch :) The prologue is dark, magical and very atmospheric.

This is very well written and easy to read, the dialogue is believable and the characters all so well described! Such a delight for me to read being Irish myself, I have many friends in Trinity, family in Kerry and I have an obsession with dreams( hence the title of my book hehe ) so I was hooked within the first section alone and by the end I was left dying to read on!

This is very smooth and polished, I only found two little nits at the beginning but I stopped looking for them after that as I became lost in the story :)

60's should be written as sixties, many people on here will mention that in reviews as they did to me also when I wrote 16, I have changed it to sixteen and so on. So I would advise you just amend the ages to written words rather than numbers :)

Also there was a sentence that was jarring because the word "times" is used twice, in close proximity.
"...a lot of times because she had a tendency to be over-talkative at times..." that is the only place I found the words didn't flow.

A fantastic opening, will surly be back for more very soon and I am backing this with utmost pleasure! I wish you the very best on authonomy, will give you my notes on each chapter as I get to them, and hope you enjoy Dreamgate :)

Melanie x

Sierra!

Wow, I have just finished your first chapter. I will be back to read more of this during the week, it is magnificent!

I love the structure of the first chapter - Ian, Kerrigan, Patrick, Ryan and Roarke(great names) are all introduced separately in five different scenes, and are all faced with the same sneering voice : "You were born of the Five. Five into one, one to become five but it only takes one to fall and break the circle" This is so eerie.

I was drawn in straight away from your prologue, Sebastian is a great character and he jumps off the page - an ancient witch :) The prologue is dark, magical and very atmospheric.

This is very well written and easy to read, the dialogue is believable and the characters all so well described! Such a delight for me to read being Irish myself, I have many friends in Trinity, family in Kerry and I have an obsession with dreams( hence the title of my book hehe ) so I was hooked within the first section alone and by the end I was left dying to read on!

This is very smooth and polished, I only found two little nits at the beginning but I stopped looking for them after that as I became lost in the story :)

60's should be written as sixties, many people on here will mention that in reviews as they did to me also when I wrote 16, I have changed it to sixteen and so on. So I would advise you just amend the ages to written words rather than numbers :)

Also there was a sentence that was jarring because the word "times" is used twice, in close proximity.
"...a lot of times because she had a tendency to be over-talkative at times..." that is the only place I found the words didn't flow.

A fantastic opening, will surly be back for more very soon and I am backing this with utmost pleasure! I wish you the very best on authonomy, will give you my notes on each chapter as I get to them, and hope you enjoy Dreamgate :)

Melanie x

I certainly wish to apoligize to those who have left me messages. Due to family illnesses I've been away from checking my account until tonight. I will certainly do much better as I seek to market and make available my Celtic Evil novel while working on the sequel.

The first title in this series.