Book Jacket

 

rank  Editors Pick
word count 52189
date submitted 11.03.2009
date updated 21.02.2011
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Thriller...
classification: moderate
incomplete

Deadly Nevergreen

Lynn Clayton

Saxon burial mounds and smugglers' caves; thatched cottages and village churches; not a setting in which you'd expect to be kicked to death.

 

Kicked to death - that's what happened to Naomi Long.

Mind you, she asked for it. If you persist in photographing copulating couples, if you persist in exploiting your position as post office clerk to blackmail benefit cheats, you're bound to come across a bit of low-life who's not going to stand for it.

And if you ignore the clearest of all warnings from the spirit world, and even on the sleepy Isle of Wight go traipsing over the downs alone, don't be surprised if somebody puts the boot in.

Not forgetting Kelly and poor little Jade, off on a trip to London and getting their heads cut off. Well, good riddance. Poor little Jade, indeed. With a mother like Kelly, she'd have grown up a psychopath. Whoever killed them did the world a favour.

Of course, Inspector Chaudhuri is obliged to investigate - that's the law. But some people deserve to be murdered. It's another word for execution.

 
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tags

blackmail, cruelty, hanging, perversion, racism, spiritualism, suicide, vengeance

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Chapters

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Chapter One

 

 

 

There was something about Naomi Long’s face – the wide-open black eyes, the hewn look of her nose and cheeks – that resembled a ship’s figurehead. Even her hair had an old tar quality, fastened in a pig-tail stiff with grease. At sixty-four she could boast not one grey strand amongst the matted brown.

On a September evening as the sun sank over The Isle of Wight and silhouetted the cliffs against a glare of gold she set off in her Morris Minor for what she called her ‘spiritualist session’.

Down wooded lanes that shut out the sky, past villages in hollows and churches on hills, along the road that skirted The Solent with the towers of Portsmouth like a mirage on the far shore she drove to the town of Ryde. Here she parked in a back street of shabby Victorian houses and knocked at the door of the shabbiest of the lot. It was opened by a little hunch-backed man.

‘Good evening, Miss Long.’

‘Evening, Mr MacArthur. I’m one of the last, I suppose?

Yes, my sister’s nearly ready for you. Straight up at the top of the stairs, as usual.’

With an agility belying her age, Naomi galloped up several flights of dusty staircase till she came to what had once been a bedroom. It was now the Spiritualist Chapel of the Anointed.

Apart from a wooden cross on the mantelpiece, it didn’t look much like a chapel. With its pink velvet curtains and cabbage rose wallpaper it could have become a bedroom again at a moment’s notice. And unlike more conventional places of worship, it was packed with people, row after row of mostly elderly, mostly female faces.

Naomi glanced round until she spotted the fat face of Dougie Benson. He ran the newsagent’s shop in her village and along with an extensive choice of pornography offered a sideline of fairy weathervanes which he made in his garden shed. But it wasn’t the thought of these, or even the pornography, that made Naomi hot.

‘Saw your wife and her boyfriend slinking down to the beach last night,’ she whispered as she squeezed herself in beside him. ‘A bit chilly for dropping your knickers but she did it in a trice. Mind you, the ends of her tits were puckered and that’s often a sign of feeling cold, isn’t it? Standing right out, they were, like a stalk on the end of a marrow.’

Though Dougie was flabby, he had namby-pamby hands and Naomi knew he’d heard her when they twitched. Itching to get hold of his wife, no doubt. She relished the thought of the beating he’d give that wife tonight. She hoped she’d be awake for it. She was planning how she’d open her bedroom window to hear better, when the tap of a walking stick in the corridor made her sit up and look as big-eyed and blameless as could be: the medium, Emily MacArthur, was coming.

Naomi waved to her as she hobbled in and beamed encouragement as the old thing tottered to her seat. But she got a fit of the giggles when without warning Emily shot up as if she’d sat on a drawing pin and snapped, ‘Who’s Brenda?’

Naomi had to suck in her cheeks.

Come on, speak up now, dears. I’ve a Brenda, or is it a Glenda, with me? In the spirit. Used to complain of a pain here.’ She clutched her head and beat it with her fingertips.

‘It’s my sister,’ said a woman. ‘Our Glenda. She died of a brain tumour.’

‘Careful of the steps, she says. Danger. Are there stairs where you live now? No? Then it’s the house that’s to come. Watch those stairs, Glenda says, and go in peace. Who’s Jeff? In the spirit…liked doing jigsaw puzzles.’

Other people’s messages bored Naomi to tears. To pass the time she was staring at Dougie and smirking every time he twitched, when the sound of crying made her peer between the heads in front of her. It was that snooty ballet teacher, Vera Shaw.

‘You recognise the Ellen I have with me in the spirit?’

‘Yes,’ cried Vera Shaw. It’s Mummy. Mummy.

‘She passed over very recently, didn’t she?’

‘Three months ago.’

‘She wants you to know she’s happy. Were you on the stage? Yes, it made her proud. Never do wrong, she says. Do you understand? Speak up, if you will, pet.’

‘Yes. I understand.’

‘Talk to her. When you find yourself losing strength, talk to her and she will guide you. No more weakness. Go in peace.’

Naomi found this very weird. She worked in the post office at Newport and only last Thursday Vera Shaw had been in to cash her mother’s pension. Yet tonight she claimed her mother had been dead for three months. Naomi thought about it. She thought so hard she almost missed her own message.

‘Don’t go to town? Don‘t go to Down? Are you planning a trip to Ireland?’

Annoyed at the distraction, Naomi said she wasn’t.

‘Yes, Down. It’s definitely Down. They want you to avoid the place. Not alone, they say. Goodness, they’re most clamorous about it. Never go to Down alone. Respect the spirit world’s wisdom and go in peace.’

Bollocks, thought Naomi. County Down, of all places, full of IRA dickheads. She had no intention of setting foot in it in her entire life. But she intended without delay to delve into the affairs of Vera Shaw. At the end of the service she got up, managed as she did so to thump the back of Dougie’s neck with her bag, and forced her way through the chairs to the front row.

‘Vera, petal.’ She bent down and brought her face so close that Vera drew back. ‘Are you all right, sugar plum? I’ve got my car here. Would you like a lift home, sweetheart?’

Vera looked at her over her hanky then blew her nose like a trumpet. ‘It’s, er, Ruth, isn’t it? Oh, no - Naomi - that’s right. It’s very kind of you, but I live in Carisbrooke. Too far out of your way. Please don’t worry, I’m used to the bus journey.’

‘Rubbish. Naomi grasped hold of her arm and half-pulled her from her chair. ‘I enjoy driving at night. Are you ready? Shall we get going?’

Vera glanced round as if for a means of escape. ‘Actually, I was hoping to have a few words with that wonderful woman. Thank her, you know.’

‘What wonderful woman? Emily, you mean? Too late for that, cherub. She’s out of it, look. Be out of it for hours. Come on.’

Flapping her hands, she chivvied Vera to the door and chased her downstairs like a collie herding sheep – a collie in hob-nailed boots from the racket of her feet. Her voice spilled into the street and evaporated into the night. At last there was quiet, except when the old house creaked.

 

* * * * *

 

A rattle of teacups came up from the kitchen. A kettle whistled and was silenced. Mr MacArthur put his head round the chapel door.

‘Supper’s ready, Emily.’

Emily opened her eyes and blinked. She fumbled for her stick and forced herself to her feet. Then, as if listening for something, she stood still.

‘Those two women who’ve just gone, Bert - were they the last to leave?’

‘Naomi and her pretty friend, you mean?’ Mr MacArthur straightened the chairs Naomi had pushed awry. ‘Yes, they were the last.’

‘Are you certain? You saw no one behind them?’

‘No one, my dear. All the others had gone.’

‘Then it’s as I thought. Death’s travelling with them. I didn’t recognise him at first. I saw him catch them up at the head of the stairs.’

‘Oh, Death, yes.’ Mr MacArthur switched off the lights. ‘He was in quite a hurry. I had to stand aside and let him pass.’

Chapters

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HarperCollins Wrote

The opening to the novel is incredibly crude. The character of Naomi rather than inviting intrigue invites disgust from the outset. The idea of her licking a girl’s ear and calling her “pussy” is something that the reader will react against immediately. Much better to try and lure the reader in a subtle way and then develop her perverse behaviour. Also, having behaved in a very bizarre way towards Vera, I don’t think the latter would then introduce her to her young daughter Ophelia (you would want to get as far away as possible!)

I think the portrayal of the small community needs some development from the outset. What kind of community is it? Why are so many people interested in going to see Emily? Why are so many people depraved? Also the storyline of Ophelia and Darren is a little hard to stomach. The novel feels very grim to start and I’m unsure as to whether people would want to continue to read (there is no hook as to why all of these lives are so damaged).

The character of Kelly is incredibly clichéd (foul-mouthed single mother from London) and you have to wonder why she would leave Deptford to move to a frankly bizarre town with a young daughter – there is nothing for them there. Again Kelly is easy to dislike, “Nowhere on the menu was there a mention of a burger, a bacon McMuffin, or a nugget kebab. Even the word ‘fries’ wasn’t there. She was not pleased.” You have to sympathise with one person in the story as that is what is going to keep your readers’ attention. 30 pages in and you are still wondering if anyone other than the dog is likable.

The story was incredibly formulaic – as soon as Kelly asks for a babysitter the reader knows that Naomi is going to offer her services. You almost feel like you have your hands over your eyes as you are reading. Then, unexpectedly, Jade goes to London with Kelly, but why? And why would she meet up with someone who is obviously threatening to her? If they are the reason why she has moved to the Isle of Wight, you would not want to return to an area of London where you are at risk. Deptford and Ravenscourt Park are pretty far away from each other so there was no need for Kelly to journey to the latter. The scene where Kelly’s mother is told of her death is again very formulaic (and once again displays a “lowest common strata” of society which I think the reader would react against). “They gone and killed my Jade. They gone and killed Nan’s princess. She could have been a glamour model. And they gone and killed her.” This is not something I could ever consider taking forward.

Azam Gill wrote 698 days ago

Deadly Nevergreen.

The beginning, in the first few paragraphs, hooks and more efficiency than Puzo’s wedding party. Reading pleasure and comfort are at the forefront throughout this work, and the reader has no need to stretch the imagination to accommodate the gunshot prose. Much later, “it was kidnapping … no the other one … blackmail” is as efficient as Sonny Corleone’s stand-up sex (tiring!) with Lucy Manini.

The writer is in complete control of the interwoven narrative voices and povs (chapters 8, 9, 11 & 13).

Finely crafted interlocking revelation of plot and character through sensitively chosen and most appropriate sensory images: the perfume of a pot pourri overpowered by the smell of pizza and garlic, with pourri itself meaning rotten yet retaining its essential goodness. Objects are effortlessly personified without being guilty of it, and time-space proportions pervade the work in the background descriptions of the island. The author successfully harnesses timeless passions seething under the placidity depicted by Constable and Turner, and draws in the conflict between the outer and inner selves, between groomed behaviour and man’s animal side.

Wit, humour and the undercurrent of righteous anger simmer below the surface, mystery lurks, and the hierarchy of evil swirls like curling mist.

And at least your narrator knows the difference between a cup and mug

The work betrays the penmanship of honed, highly motivated talent.

Moreover, a neat and tidy ms, unless I wasn’t attentive enough!

NB: (1)at least somebody, somewhere, as aware of the difference between a cup and mug (2) your accomplished penmanship does not require additional emphasis to underscore a standpoint.

Now where’s the rest of it, luv?

Backed.
Azam Gill
“Blasphemy!”



Fromante wrote 807 days ago

Hello Lynn, you seem to know the I.O.W. well. It is some years since we were last there, but I recognise some of the places you use as settings. Right; I love the way you have made such a strong character out of Naomi, what a villain? I got to chapter six, and just skipped through that, but I will be back for more when I have time. I never thought I would take so much interest in a book of this sort. When I read the first chapter a little while back, I was not too sure what to make of the book, but having read more this time round, as I should have done before, I have to confess at being a great admirer of your writing, and a genuine feeling you seem to put into every word. This is not old flannel, it is genuine comment on a good book, written by somebody who knows what they are talking about.
Good Luck with everything you do.
Norman.

MosesSiregarIII wrote 823 days ago

Forgive me in advance for going on at length here. I'm happy to admit that you're one of two writers I've read here that I feel some jealousy towards. I read your first two chapters, and there's a lot to like here. The dialogue is generally phenomenal, and Naomi is one of the most memorable characters I've ever read. The best thing here is that your prose is spellbinding, so readers will easily forgive you for any other transgressions. Chapter one feels something like a work of art to me.

Okay, here's some things I noticed that could potentially be improved, IMO.

Your opening physical descriptions of the characters in both chapters were great in many ways, but I also found them a bit difficult to fully grasp. The paragraphs slowed me down a bit because I had to really think about them. For example, "old tar," "pigtail stiff with grease," and then the part about Vera having a bow on her neck was hard for me to decipher at first. You might be able to make this a little clearer and easier on people like me. Altogether, I found these paragraphs a bit slow to read. But that's nitpicking, because you're not going to lose readers there.

I'd say there's no reason whatsoever to have a "Vera" and a "Vivien" so close together. They both start with "V," and that's always, always confusing for readers because the brain focuses on first letters a lot. It's just not necessary IMO, and only hurts things. Why confuse readers when it's so easier to change a name?

I thought Vera's long bits of dialogue in chapter two were probably a bit too long. My eyes glazed over a bit before them, feeling like, "oh man that's a lot of dialogue." I thought that was maybe the weakest part I read, but even those parts were quite good once you read them.

I had one little thought, that if Naomi is such an incredible bitch like you've shown here, then why hasn't someone killed her or beat her up already? It's not a big issue, but that's the only thing that felt not totally believable for me. Then again, I 'like' Naomi so much that I really wouldn't care all that much about that.

I personally think this should definitely find a publisher, and I hope it will do very well. Your writing voice is off the charts, and your characters are already amazing. Thanks for letting me read this, and I hope something I've said can be slightly useful to you.

Moses Siregar III
DEUS EX KARMA, an epic fantasy in homage to Homer's Iliad

Becca wrote 831 days ago

For my actual review without the running commentary:

Deadly Nevergreen, by Lynn Clayton
*crying* Why can't I write like this? It took me a few minutes to get over my jealousy to write this. You do understand, don't you? But once that passes I have nothing but admiration for Clayton's style and skill, and pure love and enjoyment for the story.
The story is expertly written, and within the first chapter the words on the screen sent a harsh set of chills through my body. CREEPY. The description and narration is fresh, the dialogue is perfection.
She hooked me on chapter one and continued to carry me through the first five chapters. I couldn't have stopped if I wanted to. Even stopping after 5 chapters was hard. I would buy this novel and I'd pay extra for it. A writer can learn a lot from studying her technique.
The story keeps a fantastic pace and introduces you to characters you will not soon forget. What is up with Naomi, I wonder. Will we find out? I'm dying to know, and you will be too. Naomi is wonderfully evil, smart, and deceptive.
The woman is sick in her head and this story does not lack the promise that eerie may soon turn to downright scary. Read this cleverly crafted story--I am sure you will enjoy it as much as I. Be forewarned, you will get lost in this dark and witty tale.
xBeccaX
The First Phoenix

This will be posted to my recommended books thread. Thank you for sharing your talent!

MarkRTrost wrote 843 days ago

Your opening paragraph is the best I've read on the site.

Now ... there are a lot of similarly themed novels on this site. I'm surprised by the volume. But you've got something most of them do not - talent.

Your characters are well written. Your descriptions are beautifully imagined. And your dialogue is appropriate to your characters. (Which is stunningly rare.)

I've backed your book. I'm decided not to back any book just to get the numbers. I'm only backing books of merit. Your book has merit. Congratulations on the fruition.

Mark R Trost
“Post Marked.”

Tarzan For Real wrote 17 days ago

Descriptive narrative and good concept. Dialogue is crisp and thought provoking. Good read so far.--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou."

Patricia wrote 251 days ago

Wow, Harper Collins hated this book. I just read their review! What a mistake.
I had it on my watch list. It is one of my favorites from Authonomy, and I looked at hundreds. I always wanted to find out what happens next.

Old Bob wrote 457 days ago

Hi Lynn. I wasn't really prepared for the first chapter. Didn't understand what was going on and only got a hint by the end. Maybe adding a prologue to set the stage would be helpful.

I liked your voice, the dialogue seemed true but the lack of character development held back the story. I'll read a little more later and see what develops.

If you'd like to take a shot at my book, feel free. It's A PLACE IN LIFE. I'd be interested in knowing your first impression.

Hope you didn't find me to be too offensive by being direct. Just trying to help with a few suggestions.

Old Bob
A PLACE IN LIFE

banana_the_poet wrote 459 days ago

"You almost feel like you have your hands over your eyes as you are reading." Harper Collins Review.
Take that sentence Lynn - hug it to your heart - it is proof your book is EXACTLY what it should be for its genre!
Bravo!

K A Smith wrote 482 days ago

And I thought my sense of humour was sadly lacking. Was this review written by someone who doesn't venture too far from Mills & Boon territory? If they ever take up archery I hope they only get to use the rubber-tipped arrows, talk about missing . . .

Jim Heter wrote 484 days ago

Well, I have to add my voice to the others who thought the reviewer did a bad job. I read some of this a while back and found it entertaining. Too bad HC has a reviewer who doesn't get it. I doubt the prudish opinions expressed are as representative of the public as he/she seems to believe.

Stephen R Long wrote 485 days ago

My word – someone got out of bed on the wrong side. I am all for constructive criticism but this is certainly not that. It's very easy to say things like this when your name doesn't appear next to it. Even if your book is rubbish – I haven't read it there are ways to help people move on and try to improve for next time.

Harper Collins person, are you a friend of Andy Gray or Richard Keys by any chance. Oh they didn't apologise and they got fired didn't they.

Woodville wrote 486 days ago

Alright, I'm puzzled: why have you put the HarperCollins review up? Or is it not your choice?

Peter McCloskey wrote 487 days ago

The HC review was so far off the mark it's unreal.

I read chapter one... I just don't get how they could attack your book in such a way.

It's well written... you're a good writer.

That review makes no sense.

It's publishable quality.

Derec wrote 487 days ago

I haven't commented here for years but felt like I had to respond to that absolutely rude, ill-informed review from Harper Collins. What a bullying piece of shit. Your book is well written and intriguing. Where on earth do they keep these people, in some Jane Austen timewarp no doubt.

Not that it makes much difference but I'm going to shelve this book.

Keep on writing.

midnightcat wrote 487 days ago

Interesting! Great opener,,,,,

Closet Writer wrote 487 days ago

Re: HC Review. Thanks for posting. I haven't read your book but I find it hard to believe that's all they said! Surely you should have received some constructive criticism.

maab30 wrote 556 days ago

I think the beginning is very good as far as setting up the suspense. Not sure you really need the spirit world reference though.

CG Fewston wrote 580 days ago

Well-done.

CG Fewston wrote 580 days ago

Well-done.

CG Fewston wrote 580 days ago

Well-done.

ccb1 wrote 584 days ago

The editor’s desk, was it worth? Was your book reviewed by HarperCollins? Did you receive a book publishing offer, or have other publishing houses expressed and interest in you book? We have found the comments and suggestions from the other authors on Authonomy helpful in revising our book, but were just curious as to the benefits of landing at the top.
CC Brown
Dark Side

Anil Antony wrote 591 days ago

Great work, Llyn! :)
Backed with pleasure :)

dconnors8 wrote 611 days ago

What a great opening chapter. I'm gonna have to clear off my bookshelf to make room for this one. Have you been published? If first impressions mean anything (and in my opinion, they mean just about everything), you should be. Good luck.

Lewis Andrew wrote 612 days ago

Where are you ? I miss you ? x

Suzalex wrote 627 days ago

Love your descriptive writing. Very talented. I can't see you having much trouble finding a home for this book.

Best of Luck with it.

Suz

TyroJack wrote 649 days ago

Well this is one of the unlooked for treats on Authonomy.
Beautifully crafted yet raw. The narrator has just the right use of language to tell this story. And the pace is right.Not rushed but it carries one along. I read 8 chapters before I could take a break.

This exemplifies the range of writing on here from those who are starting and need lots of editing to triumphs like this that I would buy in an instant.

I would like to comment upon your characters though Lynn. Very unusual, a real twist from the usual run of villains, and yet so very believable because there is nothing stereotypical about them.

Backed.

rsmith8367 wrote 653 days ago

May we have some more please?

CG Fewston wrote 657 days ago

Spectacular.

crazy mama wrote 657 days ago

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Frank James wrote 658 days ago
Stephen Andrew wrote 658 days ago

Very very impressive MS. And I see why it made it to the desk. You have very tight voice and setting. And I'm sure you really don't need any in-depth things at this point, at least not from me. :) This should be published and I wish you the best on getting it there.

Stephen Andrew (The Guardians of Ocean City)

p.s. Naomi is a very chilling and eerie character. Well done.

Mark Say wrote 659 days ago

Lyn,

I've read all seventeen chapters and think you've got something good here. Sense of place is very well conveyed, the narrative moves along well, the dialogue is very good, and all of the characters are well drawn and believable. You drew me into the story early on and made me want to know what happens to the characters.

I’ve got two criticisms. The first is that some of the prose sometimes becomes a little laboured, with one clause too many in a sentence, especially when you are a taking a descriptive turn. A suggestion on how to handle this is to read it aloud and see how it works. It can be remedied if you are hard on yourself when rewriting the first draft - I always find that I cut out sentences, clauses and even odd words in the second and third drafts to sharpen it up.

The second may be down to personal taste, but I was disappointed that you killed off Naomi. You spent several chapters introducing an intriguing character and building up a situation with a lot of dramatic potential with her as the island blackmailer, then killed her off, followed by Kelly and Jade, and turned the story into a police procedural. Maybe as the novel is continued the balance of this will seem right, but as things stand I thought you missed the opportunity for the best story.

Bear in mind that’s a personal opinion. I’ve backed it.

Mark

Tom Bye wrote 660 days ago

CONGRATULATIONS LYNN
FROM TOM BYE ' F ROM HUGS TO KISSES'

mscynthia wrote 661 days ago

Hi Lynn,

Naomi Long seemed just a bit of a busy body in that first chapter. Your character descriptions and overall observations flow without interruption. I saw a very complete pitutre of everything.
Congratulations on your Gold Star from HC. I only wish I had had a chance to make these comments while you were still on the ED.
Backed for a few days now.

Cynthia
Sharing Short Stories

David J Baron wrote 662 days ago

Read the first chapter before work this morning - bad time to start reading such a page turner. Love the nefarious Naomi character.
Best of luck. This looks like a cracking read...

Mark Deans wrote 662 days ago

Congratulations on making the editor's desk! Thoroughly deserved, and I look forward to buying it to read the rest.

fh wrote 662 days ago

Dear Lynn,

Congratulations! I knew you'd get there.

Sincerely
Faith
The Assassins Village

Anthony Brady wrote 662 days ago

DEADLY NEVERGREEN by Lynn Clayton.

My Apologies for misquoting your name in the Comment six blocks below. Tony Brady

Anthony Brady wrote 662 days ago

DEADLY NEVERGREEN by Lynn Clayton.

Lynn - I read all the 15 Chapters posted. The principal character you have created - Naomi Long - is, either accidentally or deliberately, a metamorphasis of a type in literature recalling the likes of Medea, Medusa, Lucretia Borgia, Lady Macbeth, Poison Ivy and Rosa Kreb personified in a character of consumate evil intent and action. I am still searching for appropriate superlatives to adequately compliment you on this multilayered Isle of Wight saga. Your eye and feel for the banal lives of feckless "welfare junkies" is matchless. The contrasting action and scene setting between the Island and London sink estates is exquisite. You convey the forensic elements of criminal investigation admirably. There's more to come. I await it, hardly believing you can continue to deliver such flawless consistency. Meanwhile Watchlisted. Enthusiastically Backed.

Tony Brady. - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

Anthony Brady wrote 662 days ago

DEADLY NEVERGREEN by Lynn Mason.

CONGRATULATIONS! You are on THE EDITOR'S DESK. Not only have your written a great, commendable and publishable book you are a true embodiment of Authonomy integrity. Your Comments on a wide range of author's work are generous, honest, instructive and selfless and you are a shining example to all that is best on Authonomy. I sent you this message 64 days ago and am pleased to repeat it as Comment on your book: Lyn - I read all the 15 Chapters posted. The principal character you have created - Naomi Long - is, either accidentally or deliberately, a metamorphasis of a type in literature recalling the likes of Medea, Medusa, Lucretia Borgia, Lady Macbeth, Poison Ivy and Rosa Kreb personified in a character of consumate evil intent and action. I am still searching for appropriate superlatives to adequately compliment you on this multilayered Isle of Wight saga. Your eye and feel for the banal lives of feckless "welfare junkies" is matchless. The contrasting action and scene setting between the Island and London sink estates is exquisite. You convey the forensic elements of criminal investigation admirably. There's more to come. I await it, hardly believing you can continue to deliver such flawless consistency. Meanwhile re- Watchlisted. Enthusiastically Backed.

Tony Brady. - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

ccb1 wrote 662 days ago

Congratulations!
CC Brown
Dark Side

celticwriter wrote 662 days ago

Hey, Lynn! Just noticed you have LONDON on your self! (Mine has suddenly gone down the list, for the first time.)

Thank you! :-) Wondering why your book doesn't have a star thingy on it - now that you've reached the editors desk. Congratulations, by the way!

love,
jim

rsmith8367 wrote 663 days ago

Ohh my...this gets more and more interesting. I can't wait to see the whole thing finished. I am really enjoying it....very different from my usual read. I wish you well...........

SAkins wrote 663 days ago

Hello Lynn,

Thank you for sharing your book with me. I have to say that the descriptions of the scenery you give and what the house looks like are wonderful. Naomi was rather annoying and I can't be more glad that Death is following her. This is one character I can tell I will love to hate. I thought it was funny that the old man, Mr. MacArthur was very entertaining, having seen Death follow her out. I look forward to reading more and will be moving this to my watch list.

SAkins

Idea Girl Consulting wrote 663 days ago

backed

OmegaPrime wrote 663 days ago

Backed with pleasure. This is a very good read!

Sal.Michaels wrote 663 days ago

Love the opening and will definitely be coming back for more. Thanks for your support too, Lynn. All the best and looking forward to seeing your novel in hard print on Waterstones' shelves.
Sal Michaels
'Two of a Mind'

Mavrick wrote 663 days ago

Lynn,

After receiving your message I had a quick look at Deadly Nevergreen, intending to read just a few paragraphs, then found I've read four chapters!

So, quite unintentionally I've read enough to realise that this is good. It's a great premise and the pace is good.

I noticed a few points in the fourth chapter. These are,

1. Mixed tenses used.

. . . to let [PRESENT] the fat black cattle stroll across and took [PAST] the opportunity . . .

It should, I think, read 'take the opportunity'.

2. Not sure about 'There was a couple of inns, a folk museum . . .'. I think I'd use 'There were . . . ', alternatively, continue the first sentence, as in,

' . . . mushroom in a meadow, consisting of a couple of inns, . . . '.

3. Incidentally, this description of Brightstone is bordering on telling rather than showing. Perhaps you can change it to be a little more as seen from Alec's point of view?

But that was all.

Backed with pleasure.

Neil

Efadul Huq wrote 664 days ago

With down-to-earth engrossing dialogues and flowing narration, you compel me to back your book. :D

Rachel Bull wrote 666 days ago

Hi Lynn,
Just read the first four chapters, brilliant! Naomi is unbelievably poisonous and frighteningly real, really loved the story so far, good luck.
Rachel

Karen Eisenbrey wrote 666 days ago

Lynn,

Every hat I own is off to you! I sat down to read a couple chapters of Deadly Nevergreen, and ended up reading all you've put up! You immediately give a great sense of place and introduce interesting characters: nasty, eccentric Naomi, the MacArthurs, Vera. I love the way the MacArthurs talk about Death at the end of the first chapter. Chauduri is an appealing detective figure, and the details of his home life make him sympathetic. And that's a nice image of the dog curled up like a croissant, then being placed in the chair like a cushion. So far, the killer in the hooded coat remains an intriguing mystery. It's someone the victims know, but who?!!!

Best of luck with this. I'm happy to back it.

Karen Eisenbrey
CRANE'S WAY
TIME SQUARED

Laurie A Will wrote 666 days ago

Lynn,

Wonderfully orginal premise, and superb writing. The pace is spot on and the reader is compelled on from the very first word. Naomi is such a strong intriguing character.

I'm going to back this and go back and read some more!

Laurie - Into The Master's Lair

maxwell briggs wrote 667 days ago

Well it certainly sets off at a frantic pace with sex drugs and who knowws what else. Every character apart from Naomi seems a prime cadidate to murder her. Lot's of red herrings or has the killer already appeared by chapter six? I look forward to finding out.

max power wrote 668 days ago

quite simply deadly