Book Jacket

 

rank  Editors Pick
word count 18173
date submitted 15.03.2009
date updated 23.01.2012
genres: Fiction, Historical Fiction, Young ...
classification: universal
incomplete

The Swan Bonnet

Katherine L. Holmes

Swans are endangered in 1920s Alaska yet Dawn plans to see the fall migration. In their seaport town, her mother’s hat can decoy poachers.

 

Unbeknown to the adolescent Dawn, her grandfather has shot an old swan out of mercy – or for money. In the coastal Alaskan harbor town where she lives, her father buys the swan pelt, preventing her Uncle Alex, a fur trader, from selling it for export. Dawn’s father surprises her part-Aleut mother with a hat she helped to make from the pelt and also with an idea to catch possible poachers. Shooting swans has become illegal but Alaska is a territory and Prohibition has occupied the Sheriff. Dawn becomes involved with the suspicious effects of the swan bonnet besides its haunting effect on her mother.

Since Dawn’s grandparents see the swans first when they land, Dawn agrees to secretly watch the migration with the Deputy Sheriff’s son. On the day of the migration though, she encounters a girl from a ship and, finding out about a hunting party, rides to the inlet bay with her mother. A few townspeople are roving the shore too but who is the vigilante and who is the poacher?


Chapters from the revised version are now posted. It is complete at about 50,000 words.



 
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alaska, birds, children's adventure, children's fiction, comedy, coming of age, crime, endangered species, environmental, historical fiction, juvenile...

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Prologue

Note:  The chapters posted now are from the revised book.

 

 

 

 

PROLOGUE

 

 

   

 

    A time ago in a frontier territory, migrating swans made stopovers at an inlet hedged in hardy reeds and fenced off by foothills.  Whistler and trumpeter swans swooped in to tuck up their wings for a night or two in the spring and in the fall.  Sometimes a flock of them came, sometimes a flotilla.  The strong-flying birds had been landing on the far bay of the inlet for as long as the glacier melted into freshwater streams.

    One pair usually stayed to nest after the others flew north.  They were waiting in the fall with their cygnets when the migrating swans came chuffing in, searching for sedges before they made their long flight south.  

    A few years after 1900, a young man began building a cabin near the secluded shore.  He couldn’t meet the swans properly because they ruffled up every time he strode towards them.  After a few weeks, the nesting swans saw that two people were working on the cabin as if it were a large nest.  Then the man sailed past them along the inlet to the ocean.  He sailed back again with salmon in his skiff, landing near the sunflowers and vegetables that the young woman tended.  And there was a boy, not seven years old, who tossed corn and sunflower seeds for the swans.

     Since the resident pair found it safe to feast on the harvest leftovers, the traveling swans trampled up the bank and into the yard.  Afterwards, there were swan feathers and swansdown to gather up from the ground.

    When the migration was over, the woman took the precious feathers to the nearest  town on the Alaska seacoast.  That was half a morning’s wagon ride from the cabin under the foothills.  Merchant ships came to the harbor for salmon and fur.  The swan plumes sold like caviar.  Plumes were used for hats while the smaller feathers and swansdown filled pillows and powder puffs and even featherbeds. 

    As more folks moved to Alaska, the family at the bay couldn’t help but notice how the migrating flocks were dwindling.   Towards 1920, fewer and fewer of the trumpeter swans made rest stops at the inlet.  But whistlers still came after nesting in the tundra.

 

 

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HarperCollins Wrote

What a relaxing, classic, and vibrant story. I loved reading about the swans and their histories, and seeing how the family interacted with each other and with the swans. I do have a few questions about the voice and the audience for your story, and some thoughts on how you might want to revise in order to make it even stronger.

It’s a little hard to keep track of the characters, especially at first. It’s not quite clear who the swans are, who the humans are, and really who our focus should be on. Who do you see as the main character? We need that person to shine through right from the start. In the beginning chapters, it feels more like we’re being told what’s happening without really feeling any emotion about it – and that emotion would come from us being more attached to one particular character if possible. Even when Bustle is killed, it’s hard to feel especially attached or broken up by her death because we haven’t felt truly engaged with the characters yet.

I’m also wondering who you see as your audience for this. It feels like a classic and compelling tale – somewhere along the lines of The Trumpet of the Swan – but because the focus is so much on the grandparents, it’s not clear how you’ll garner in the younger audience that this seems to be aimed at. In order to appeal to the kid reader, we need a bigger kid presence in the novel. Is there a way to have Dawn more actively involved right from the start? Would it be possible to have her around more, experiencing these events with Glenda and Fen? We hear that she’s been there on and off, but in the very beginning, we only really see her once and she’s not quite an active part of the story. And how would you feel about telling the story through Dawn’s eyes, maybe even through first person narration, to really give us a chance to get to know her? Again, the way to get young readers drawn into your story will be to give them a younger character to cheer for.

I’d also encourage you to make sure that the novel doesn’t start to feel episodic. It seems like a lot of time sometimes passes between chapters – is there a way to rework so that every moment flows together a little more organically? Otherwise, it begins to seem like each chapter is a separate story (though this might not be an issue if we have a strong main character to lead us through the story).

I also wondered whether we needed the first chapter, which felt like a lot of set up. Sometimes it’s better to draw the reader right into the story and not feed in all of the background – is there a way to work that information into the story itself?
I really like where the story is going and I love the setting – Alaska feels vibrant and alive in your storytelling hands. I’d encourage you to really look at pumping up characters and the voice in order to make this as compelling a read as possible.

Tari wrote 638 days ago

This is such a beautiful story and so original. In the first few chapters, the story of Bustle's demise is poignant. You really give these enchanting birds such great characters.
The reader is pulled into the drama building between the couple, Glenda and Grandpa Fen over Bustle's declining health. This is such a page turner.
The metaphors and similes are gorgeous, I could actually picture Bustle 'huddling amongst the sunflowers.' and 'wings like a bed of water lilies'.
The language is exemplary - so clear and concise - the story flowing effortlessly. The plot develops quickly enthralling the reader.
The human characters are so vivid.
You take the reader though the years effortlessly from the young couple building a hut that looked like a nest to the swans, to Glenda and Grandpa Fen and Dawn the granddaughter.
The descriptions of the scenery conjure up a land of flowing water, boats, flowers, snow and ice with the beauty of the flying swans.
A story that definitely deserves its place in the top five.

Now it just needs to be published.

Best wishes,
Katy,
Phobic Dawn.

fletcherkovich wrote 689 days ago

Hi Katherine.

Standing ovation for your book.

Your story is very allegorical and at the same time, very inspirational. You manage to imply trasparent positive moral-values in the story that help your readers feel and realize the importance of nature and respect for other forms of life. I love the intertwining of the protagonists (who shoot the swan for commercial and personal purposes) and the antagonist characters ( who feel pity everytime they see a swan feather on the ground).
Your narration of the whole story from start to finish employs a very soft and a tender-hearted narrative techniques which make your book recommendable to young readers as well. The opening of the story leads the readers to imagine a perfect place where swans are beautifully and freely resting on the water surrounded by grasses and trees. I just admire it. In this book, you unveil the truth that the more this complicated society is growing, the more it is destroying the natural environment that homes other species and the sad idea is, people hunt them to feed their greediness. I understand that the swan is a strong representation of how nature cradles every living creature and every sound made by pulled-trigger shot gun exhibits how fast man can destroy it. I believe that this book well deserves its space in my bookshelf. BACKED.

Anyways, If you have time to read and comment on some of my short stories that I have bound in "THE STORIES FROM A LEAKING MIND," I will be happy.

Fletch

minx2minx wrote 695 days ago

This is so lovely and gentle. I have been reading with my granddaughter who is just 9 and she is loving it so will be reading more. You are backed by me though :-)

Christopher R. Williams wrote 759 days ago

I love these period type books with an enigmatic title. ‘The Swan Bonnet’, what could be more alluring. This book works because it gives you so many things on so many levels. Read it, love it, escape into it. The bonnet acts like a token that is carried thought the story, and you go with it. It’s cliché to say it, but this should have been snapped up by a publisher long ago and be in bookshops around the world. A truly excellent story.

Regards, Chris Williams – The Stories of Rhys
www.thestoriesofrhys.com

Anthony Brady wrote 425 days ago

Katherine - The Swan Bonnet - has achieved a worthy HC Review and useful Critique. I have no doubt that together with that and a Selection from the 1099 Comments your book ****** has garnered, a foremost publisher will take it on. As one of those Commentators, I applaud and acknowledge your generous spirit extended out to so many other authors on Authonomy. You were perceptive and incisive in your own Commenting and gracious in accepting criticism in a range of considerations. I wish you every success combined with a pleasure that you are posting another book. I look forward to reading it in due course. Every best wish for a continuing progress in your writing and eventual publication of your eminently commercial endeavours. Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE

R. Lee Hart wrote 449 days ago

KH, I love the premise and the location (Alaska!) and your writing is excellent; you might want to lengthen the chapters and use a hook at the end of each chapter. I'd love to direct my wife to this one once it is available on Kindle/other. Stars and WL

Thanks.
John J Blenkush
Rue The Day
Hell's Kettle
The Dothorian Day

tomewriter wrote 455 days ago

Hi,
The prologue is so very interesting. I will read on, though I probably won't critique since HarperCollins is going to do that, and their critique is of course the one you want. Congrats. Talk to you later.
Janell (tomewriter)
Speed Trap

dshinton wrote 472 days ago

Your story is very well written, and at the risk of sounding uneducated (which may be close to the truth!) I do like the compact, short paragraphs. It makes the story flow so well, and it enables the story to just flow across our eyes, and off of the narrators tongue (this is the poet in me, you see) and after reading chapter one I definitely want to come back for more and that is the sign of a good story, my criticism for what it is worth - is this:

I would really like to know more about Glenda and Fen, just a little slotted in so that you can guide the reader in a fashion that will influence how we think about your characters. Just a little bit of history, something like that. And perhaps a little more climax when you change paragraphs, when you move to Glend's history (that is a good bit of detail there) perhaps you should consider, what can I do, to tantalise the reader? A stirring action, subtelty does mean insignificance, if you can throw in a cliff hanger, however small at the beginning of your novel you will find it enriches the whole text

good luck with your novel

Tom Bye wrote 494 days ago

Hello Katherine 'The Swan Bonnet'
Top spot in the charts richly deserved and the book is well up to the mark of what is required to be published.
i backed and enjoyed reading some time ago and it is now fitting and proper that i give it 6 stars
tom bye ' from hugs to kisses'

Nigel Fields wrote 500 days ago

Hi Katherine,
Such a strong beginning to this beautiful book. Read up to Bustle's death. Lovely writing.

Regards,
JB Campbell

Bradley Haynes wrote 507 days ago

Having read the first few chapters of your book I found myself surprised by how much I cared about the swans. It is definitely their story and I can see why it has captured so many readers hearts.
Best of luck.
Bradley Haynes (Tricia)

Nigel Fields wrote 510 days ago

Katherine,
I have friends in Alaska who write childrens books, and this brought my wife and I into the genre (we do not have children). The Swan Bonnet is beautifully written. The story itself, refreshing and meaningful. Best wishes. Oh, and I have it on my WL and starred generously.
Regards,
John B Campbell . . . Walk to Paradise Garden

Bill Carrigan wrote 569 days ago

Dear Katherine, I'm still enthusiastic about "The Swan Bonnet," and starting tonight it will dwell on my shelf for at least 24 hours. In my opinion, its title, theme, and fine writing will surely attract children and parents when it's displayed in bookstores. Many thanks for your support of "The Doctor of Summitville." Again, best of luck, Bill

Marissa Martin wrote 580 days ago

Delightful, gorgeous descriptions and some real life issue to engross and relate to. Excellent short-pitch - the fun of visualizing her mother's hat as a decoy would make me take it from the shelf. Good luck

Marija F.Sullivan wrote 585 days ago

I have read incredible chapters 11-14. Amazing story, beautiful writing. I will be back for more. Wow! is all I can say.
Best, M

- Weekend Chimney Sweep or Happy New Year
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

Bob Jones wrote 587 days ago

I read to chapter six, but wanted to continue to the end. Wonderfully written prose that pulls the reader into another time and place. Well done!

Bob Jones

ccb1 wrote 602 days ago

Katherine, Congratulations!!!
CC Brown
Dark Side

JOE ADU-GYAMFI wrote 606 days ago

the synopsis of this story is just too tempting but i havnt much time 2nite- i know if i start it will keepin pressin to end.so will do dat 2moro n offer helpful comments.

Becca Bird wrote 606 days ago

Engaging. Not your usual subject matter. Original and sounds good gets my vote and good luck with it.

mermaidlover40 wrote 610 days ago

I may read this book if it sounds good.

nchowell wrote 612 days ago

Wow...interesting storyline... Support my book Dani the Earth Angel

Thanks
Natasha

jnortonpa wrote 613 days ago

Congratulations, Katherine. You selection as editors' choice a few weeks ago is well deserved. I can't wait to see your book in print. Do let us know when that happy event occurs! John Norton

Brenda Bakke wrote 618 days ago
I might be Steve wrote 620 days ago

if you like this check out a book on here called Get Married, Have Children and Cry....congrats

Orlando Furioso wrote 621 days ago

Were this on a shelf in a bookshop, I wld not read on after the first few graphs. I like birds, but the opening feels a little too sentimental. Also the word flow feels slow. 'Strong-flying' seems redundant and, I am afraid to say, 'chuffing' to my teen sons means 'farting'. I don't think 'inkeeping' works. Aren't swans highly defensive about their territory, at least in spring? Maybe young teens wld be able to get into this more than a crabby middle-aged man. 'One young man' seems oddly put, wouldn't 'a young man' work better, also can't you say something more interesting about him? I am interested in the man more than the swans. Ach, but then we have 'young woman' which is repetative and not giving me enough to nail my eyes to the page. I wld put the story back at this point. I admit I am an impatient reader, but if you don't get me in the first graphs ...

Hinalei wrote 628 days ago

It is so easy to nail a good writer with those first crucial paragraphs. I need no more than a page to know whether it's worthwhile continuing. You are one of the very very few writers here who has met this criterium.

You are good. When I get more time, I'll be back to spend more time with your swans.

the hermit wrote 630 days ago

only read the first 6 chapters so far but I can only echo Tari's (Katy) comments - well writen and very poignant.
best wishes,
Geoff (the hermit)

John Meeks wrote 630 days ago

I like the story. It's well written and clearly well researched. Good luck with the editors! Backed.
John Meeks, Bogey's Final Gift

SteveGlines wrote 630 days ago

A well written story. Beautiful descriptions of the swans and their personalities.

Daniel Escurel Occeno wrote 631 days ago

Congratulation!

Daniel Escurel Occeno – danielocceno@ymail.com (Pen Name: Enrique Gubat)

TMNAGARAJAN wrote 631 days ago

Congratulations.
TMN
"NEVER LOSE..."

andrew DOYLE wrote 632 days ago

well done on selection

Andrew David Doyle

Randeep wrote 632 days ago

Congrats and best of luck Katherine!

naveennayar wrote 632 days ago

Congratulations, God Bless You:)-Naveen.

SingingOwl wrote 632 days ago

Congratulations on being selected for review! Richly deserved!

Jayboid wrote 632 days ago

I watchlisted the Swan Bonnet yesterday, and bookshelved it today, where I read three chapters -- which is enough to know it should be backed; I'm doing now. If it continues on without any pacing problems to the climax and resolution, it deserves to be published. If I remember rightly when I came to the site an hour ago, this has already been selected by the editors for a read. Good luck with it. You've got a solid plot line through chapter three, have dialogue to die for! Everything reads so smoothly, yet carries the mind to a depth that belies its simplicity. You have a gift. You have shared it bountifully here.

Jay

ccb1 wrote 632 days ago

Katherine, Congratulations!
CC Brown
Dark Side

Tom Balderston wrote 632 days ago

Congratulations on your Selection. May it bring you to the masses.
Tom Balderston
The Wonder of Terra

Peter G wrote 632 days ago

Dear Katherine,

It is a beautifully composed and perfectly written story. I could not stopped reading it. You have mastered your original voice throughout the story. Your description of settings is totally believable: I can feel Alaska in every sentence; for me it is like coming back there again. I don't have much to add to the numerous responses your book have received, except, in my opinion you might wish to sharpen the pitch.... Good luck with the Editor's desk!

Backed.

Peter

Mavrick wrote 633 days ago

Katherine,

I've managed to have a quick look at The Swan Bonnet, although not as much as I would like. The site has been infuriatingly slow at moving from one chapter to the next.

I'm normally quite critical (in an editing sense) when reviewing stories on this site, but I haven't had the time to do that on this occasion. There were a couple of instances when I thought you were writing from mixed view points (Glenda's and Fen's), but the thoughts you were ascribing to Fen, when writing from Glenda's POV, could just about have been her view of what she knew he was thinking, or would have been thinking. If I'd had the time to go back and re-read, I would have done so, but it might be worth re-reading chapters 2 and 3 to make sure you haven't mixed the points of view.

That apart, I noticed nothing that might put a potential publisher off.

I have not been able to read enough to comment sensibly on the plot or story-line, but I have very much liked the introduction to some of your human and animal characters, whilst the narrative flows well and is easy to read.

If I can find the time, I shall try to read more, but in the meantime, backed.

Neil

csandersen wrote 633 days ago

Beautifully woven! --Not my usual genre, but it is a very enjoyable read. I will continue to read, but good luck to you!

BACKED,

CSAndersen

chickdaniel wrote 633 days ago

love this book for its elequence. I'm sure it will do well. Have watchlisted as my bookshelf full for the moment.
Will read more later with pleasure.
chickdaniel

silver buttons wrote 634 days ago

I would like to read the rest of it. Enjoyed it very much

chantellyb wrote 634 days ago

I agree with Katy - this is a beautiful story - the kind I would love to sit and read with my daughter (not something that you can really do properly reading off of a computer screen). I really hope that you get this published so that I can buy a copy and share it with her. It is absolutely magical.

jbint wrote 634 days ago

Wonderful story of wildlife, makes Alaska and swans come to life. More than a childrens book.

Robert Craven wrote 635 days ago

Hi,

I backed this earlier today, I was drawn in almost immediately, an interesting set up of youth, living and death all interacting underpinned with the undertow of actions suffering consequences..

again Katy, fascinating, compelling, insightful.

Rob

John G Cyprus wrote 635 days ago

Hi Katherine
This is a nice gentle beginning and easy to read. I'm sorry I don't have time to read further I'm sure it will develop well.
Good luck with it.
John G
'The Last Olympiad.'

Celeste Azure Rose wrote 635 days ago

Charming! I really like how you start the story with a story! This would be great for the tweener market!

Jedah Mayberry wrote 637 days ago

Shelved. Best of luck with the Ed's Desk.

Jedah Mayberry
-Slow Train Comin'

sjwilling wrote 637 days ago

A very natural and readable writing style. One that makes you want to get to the end without stopping :)

S.J.

flower girl wrote 638 days ago

What beautiful, gentle, writing. The descriptions are pure poetry. I read more than I intended simply because I didn't want to stop. This deserves to be in print. Backed.

Tari wrote 638 days ago

This is such a beautiful story and so original. In the first few chapters, the story of Bustle's demise is poignant. You really give these enchanting birds such great characters.
The reader is pulled into the drama building between the couple, Glenda and Grandpa Fen over Bustle's declining health. This is such a page turner.
The metaphors and similes are gorgeous, I could actually picture Bustle 'huddling amongst the sunflowers.' and 'wings like a bed of water lilies'.
The language is exemplary - so clear and concise - the story flowing effortlessly. The plot develops quickly enthralling the reader.
The human characters are so vivid.
You take the reader though the years effortlessly from the young couple building a hut that looked like a nest to the swans, to Glenda and Grandpa Fen and Dawn the granddaughter.
The descriptions of the scenery conjure up a land of flowing water, boats, flowers, snow and ice with the beauty of the flying swans.
A story that definitely deserves its place in the top five.

Now it just needs to be published.

Best wishes,
Katy,
Phobic Dawn.

Ann Mynard wrote 638 days ago

Katherine,
I never knew a novel about swans could be so interesting until I read some of your work. This is an unusual and engrossing read. Glad to back it.
Ann Mynard (Windshadow)

Kevin O'Donnell wrote 639 days ago

This a very beautiful piece of work and thank you for bringing it to my notice. I wish you well with this and it should be very popular with pre-teen and young teen girls in particular.
Kevin