Hello Eric,

Thanks for contacting me. Otherwise I would not know about your intriguing novel. I think the premise of weaving three past lives is fantastic. And I personally am fascinated with stories from ancient and medieval times that involve monks and knights. In fact, I would imagine after the success of Dan Brown's books, such as The Da Vinci Code, that a lot more people are fascinated with these eras.

It's good that you bring up the dubious practices that took place in early Christiandom with corrupt practices that are currently taking place with the stock market and this modern way of living. Still what attracts me to your novel, are the first two eras you explore. The concept of reincarnation garners my attention every time.

I wish you the best with your novel. You are on the right track.

Patricia

PS Isn't it amazing how contemporary times pale in comparison to the romance of medieval knights and monks. Personally, I enjoy the troubadours best. They eventually created the field of journalism and folk music.

A few thoughts:

This may be the perfect novel for our times, given we have just gone through a major bubble burst and are now in this recession. A novel juxtaposing the hard acquisitive, material world of Wall Street with the spiritual worlds of Gnostics and the (I am assuming) spiritual but brutal world of the Crusades would be interesting indeed -- and eye-opening.

There was a book that came out about 20 years ago that you may want to pick up, called "The Vicar of Christ," by Thomas Murphy. Although not as far-reaching through history of yours, it is about a man who, at different stages of his life, is a Korean War combat hero, a U.S. Supreme Court Justice, a monk, and, finally Pope. Sounds implausible, but I was reminded of it when I read the synopsis for your tale of reincarnation. Yours take a totally different point of view, however.

Shelved.

Hi Eric.

Love what I've read so far. Great premise, well written, and Gnostics and reincarnation - right up my street. Great stuff mate.
Gnostic.

Dear Eric, I love your more like a fantasy based on history - Hebrews 9:27 says, "As it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment" "where every knee will bow & every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord." Philippians 2:10&11. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :)
Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote.
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs

Interesting read. Best of luck with your continued writing. Remember December Gold in you future reading. I would appreciate your comments and backing.
--author of December Gold

Hi.I've had to stop at chap 8 (Lunch). Looked for business related themes and found this . Smashing. really enjoy the switch from period to period. Was once in Malta. feel you,ve really captured the knights environment.
delighted at the attribution of Ogham travelling from Egypt to Ireland. Very authentic. Oddly enough not too keen on the office sequences. Normally identify. Tough on hedge funds in Ireland. smack up to date. Well done. Hibernia mispelled in Chap 7, not that I can talk! maybe when you upload again? Yun could validly add mystery tag.
Putting it on W/L for now. Please remind me to shift to shelf later., if you wish.
Ta.
Micheal O'Durcain
Murder on the Menu.

This is a novel based on a clever premise and then cleverly constructed. Everyone wonders about reincarnation at some point in their life. Being a monk would be interesting; being a knight would be great. Being a modern day hedge fund investor, tho, sounds more like an example of karma gone wrong. Your writing style is good; you describe just enough to bring an old time period alive, not so much it bogs down your story. Well done. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Hi Eric -- this is not my usual kind of read but I know good writing. Backed for excellent work.
Best wishes, Barry
(Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

Eric, your first two chapters read well. I like the direction this story is heading.

Backed on potential.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

You've built a complex story here. It may not be my normal genre but you can't mistake the quality of the writing or the amount of time which has obviously gone into research and plot.
Happy to back
David
Bailey of the Saints

You have hit upon my favorite periods in history, and my recent love for all things gnostic, and having to do with the templars and their rivals the hospitallers. You will have a broad audience for this great book.

Backed with enthusiam,
Penelope

A very interesting novel that required a lot of research. I wish for more time to read complete what is here, but I know I will only wish for more. It ix very well written and puts the reader right into the events of the day. Best of luck.

I was drawn to this by your pitch and I must admit that it made me reach for the dictionary, have never come across a Hospitaller before.

This is professionally written and the premise is intriguing.

Can't wait to read more.

Melxx
UNICORN

This is a very unusual theme, and your pitch explains what to expect. You have undertaken to tell three stories, set in three different periods. This is not an easy undertaking, and you have succeeded in carrying it out really well. Ioannis, Ian, and Jonathan are excellent characters, each one vivid and easy to relate to. You have obviously done the necessary research, for you write with the correct amount of detail to bring your settings to life and make them authentic. Your writing is well crafted, smooth and professional.. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Eric
Apologies for late comment. Read couple of chapters, then chapter 10. I have to say, once you actually pick up the story it is impossible not to be involved. The imagery of the ceremony was good, with all the fire and the individual characters with tatoos and suchlike. All the best with this. Backed. Rosali

This is a fascinating premise, and has all the makings of a Hollywood blockbuster - does the self persist through reincarnation? Your novel deals with this premise in a thrilling, spellbinding manner. Brilliant.
Frank

A complex, ambitious and well-written tale.
Shelved,
Carole

The King, Father & Mother - Trinity Truth Revelations (Comment II, first one made 198 days ago)

Hi Eric,

Apologies, but I have now read so many books on Authonomy that I am coming back for second bites at some. I thought I'd review a later chapter, one that perhaps doesn't get as much exposure, so I went for chapter 9. I remember the sweeping epic plot from my previous review and this theme is absolutely continued in the section I have just read. The key issue I think however for your wonderful story is that you are telling us it, not showing us it. The epic developments covered in Chapter 9 occur over a considerable span of time but I think it is still possible to get inside someone's head so that we experience this dramatic scene. This would be my advice, re-write the narrative to give us a show experience, you have written something that has mass market appeal, plays strongly with many of the current events we are experiencing and links that with the past.

You have a deep and wide-ranging imagination, it is the tell not show that I think still prevents this manuscript from being the best it can be. Hoping this is helpful.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W
(Sanctuary's Loss)

Hi Eric

This is the second of two books I've read and reviewed today which are not the sort of books I'd ordinarily choose to read. But like the other (Jupiter Echoes' "Dream Diamond") I like what you have done with this and I like the idea behind it.

Normally I don't like to be told backstory. In Chapter 2 from Para. 4 onwards this is what we get but somehow I feel it works well here. I'm not sure why, maybe it's because we've just jumped forwards several centuries so it doesn't matter that we are told about the background to Jonathan's career, and it also introduces an element of intrigue at the end of the chapter. I don't, however, feel Chapter 3 works as well in this respect. After the opening paragraph, in which we are in your story and feeling involved with Ian Sinclair, you then take us away from the narrative to tell us his background. In this chapter this background information feels more authorial (in other words I felt that you, as writer, were telling me this rather than have me learn it through Ian Sinclair's story) which distances us from the narrative.

In Chapter 5 (and this is a similar point to the one I've just made) I'd rather you SHOWED us that Jonathan was pumped up rather than TELL us that he was and that "his excitement was evident." How was it evident? Watch out also for weak adverbs that add little such as "fairly" and "a bit rocky" and "a bit riskier".

I have backed this as it is an ambitious, original and intriguing book. Good luck with it.

Tim

Hi Eric, I like the shift of centuries between the first and second chapters this adds a lot of questions to the story and is a good hook. Johnathon seems like a good character but Christiana is stronger for me at the moment, I'm not sure why as she has less of a part to ply than him but she jumps off the page a little more. It is really well written and an interesting premises, I like the idea of past lives and how they affect out futures. I think this is a great idea, well written and its on my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

Dear Eric,

The King, Father and Mother: I'd be compelled to pick this up - well worth the work involved to make it chime.
I understand you're sculpting and editing the text. The clever hook is the promised insight of the soul's third incarnation as hedge fund manager. So once the writing is polished and delivers the promise, there's nothing in the way of having this story appeal very widely.

Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Hi Eric!

Wow, I'm totally out of my realm here in being able to give you advice on this! What an interesting, deep, thoughtful undertaking you've got here. Great premise, and your research is fascinating. Love the book cover, love the drop caps (even though they're not translating well in this upload, but that's not your fault!) I'm shelving this on the strength of your writing skills and look forward to reading more of this interesting book! Best of luck to you.

Kim
Invisible Justice

This is over my head but I trudged through and read one two and six.
What I can say is the amount of research you did for this shines through. You must have this as one of your hobbies for I dont know if someone could craft a piece of work like this without being immersed in these time frames.
Your book is enjoyable though there was a lot of information. maybe too much. Not a ton of dialogue or MC mussings. I felt distanced from the MC and had troubles slipping into the work. That said it is written well though is lacking feeling I think.
Backed for the work that went into it and the wealth of knowledge that shines throughout.
T.L Tyson-Seeking Elenaor

A very interesting and intelligent read. Good writing throughuot chaps 1-4. Enjoyed this book immensely. If i bought this i would think it money well spent.

Fascinating insight, though I'm a little perplexed over the keeper of the 'Ogham'. Was that not simply an alphabet used in the 5th to 6th century? As for your Gnostic references, it's a subject that divides opinion. There are those that say true Gnosis was killed off at the conception of Christianity and those that say that it was embellished by it. The Christian Gnostics are far removed from the original Gnostics such as Simon Magi.

I'm going to back this book out of interest and keep on reading.

Bob (Auctoratus)

Eric, your pitches and cover alone would have me buy this book were I to see it on a table in a bookstore. I am always intrigued by the concept of reincarnation and love books that explore this idea. You have picked some of my favourite spots in history too. I read quickly through the first three chapters (yes I DO read very fast!) to get an idea of your set-up before moving further on as you request. However, on the whole I think my comments mainly apply to the book as a whole. You have fascinating material here and have obviously done your research - but almost too well. My concern is that this isn't quite character-led enough to drag the reader right in. We get a lot of back story, a lot of history and not, IMHO, enough about your MC.
Readers like myself, for whom the very word 'ogham' sends a tingle down the spine, will undoubtedly read on regardless, but I think you may have to work harder to persuade others. You've got your work cut out as it is, as you're going to have to persuade people that this really IS the same soul, appearing through history. Make us really FEEL for him.
I don't think it would be hard to do. You have all the raw material here - and can clearly write a storm.
Watch out for dialogue - occasionally (especially in the 21st century bits) it can appear a bit clunky. Maybe try reading out aloud to check it flows and is realistic. Also check your descriptions - are your adjective working hard enough? 'Magical' landscape, for eg. What does that mean? I am guilty of this one myself so am only pointing out to you what has been pointed out to me many times before!

OK, so that's all the nitpicks. This is a hugely intelligent book and one which I feel could do very well.
I'm more than happy to back you and would love to see this in print.
Jane
(Walker)

Hi Eric

What a facinating story. I briefly flirted with the idea of writing a story that jumped through successive lives, but never managed it. I congratulate you on achieving this; it is a difficult thing to do. I'm up to chapter six and am facinated to see how the karma in Jonathan's life plays out, and how his spiritual past lives influence him in the 21st Centuary. You have placed him in a tough environment, so the story will have teeth, so to speak. More than happy to back this. Nicky. (The Changeling Tree.)

The King Father and Mother will appeal to its target audience, so I'll back it. I won't repeat other observations below, but I share them; a good edit will do the trick.

To be reincarnated as a hedge-fund manager after previous lives as a monk and a knight would seem on the face of it to be a considerable demotion in the overall plan of things, so presumably the hedge-fund guy expriences a Damascan convertion, and sees the error of his ways, which makes for a predictable, but nevertheless engaging story. Just one small point about your pitch: be wary of phrases like 'eye-opening' and 'seamless' - that's for editors to write when composing your blurb,and for readers to decide - you might put some off if they think you are blowing your own trumpet. Nevertheless, for good writing and historical authenticity, I'm pleased to add this to my shelf. Best wishes, Tony

Eric
I looked at this a while back but was not willing to back it then. I have read a few chapters today and for me the writing is better and I enjoyed what I read. Keep up the good work. The switch between time periods is interesting. I will back it and wish you good luck.

Tony

Very interesting premise. It's clever the way you have combined a number of times and stories together to ultimately create one person reincarnate. I like where you are going with this, although for my personal tastes, the pace was a tad slow. This is nothing bad, just something that didn't work for me, but undoubtedly works for others. My only other criticisms would be the awkwardness of some of the dialogue in the beginning of chapter 2, starting a bit with 'she said,' for example. You have a few adverbs popping up and around as well that disturb the flow. As for good points, I have already mentioned the interesting premise, but I will also mention the writing. I thought the very first chapter was beautifully written and almost represented the language of the time (as I would imagine it). Overall, your writing is tight and I like the way you use different styles of writing to emulate the different times.

Andrew

The King, Father & Mother - Tr....
Eric Rhodes

Hi Eric,
I am sorry but this needs more work. Somewhere in here is an interesting story, but you must break up the mass of text into easier to read paragraphs. Look for the natural breaks, they should show up if you read aloud.

Your use of full colons is wrong; use either a comer or a full stop. A semicolon can be used to break up long sentences, but they must be a full sentence in themselves. The easiest way to check is to put in a full stop and a capital letter, if it works and you want the sentence to link with the one before then do so.
I am afraid it has taken me quite sometime to read and comment on this one chapter.
It might be better to check your later chapters before asking people to read them, your earlier ones do look better.
I will keep you on my watch list and come back.

Troodo,
The Rose of Gildvadane.

Chapter 6.
farmyard - headscarf. – travellers – smouldering – woollen - honoured – artefacts – showpieces. Are these Americana spellings?

“It is I who would be honoured to teach you my language,” said the old man in English,

until you master your studies,” said Brother De Bracy. – missing comer.

The brothers were ushered into the farmhouse – saves two, were brought.

. “It is I who would be honoured to teach you my language,” said the old man in English, - missing comer.

The earliest credible evidence of either coffee drinking or knowledge of the coffee tree appears in the middle of the fifteenth century, in the Sufi monasteries of the Yemen in southern Arabia.

in a public ceremony, which they hoped would prevent the incoming zealots – missing comer. If you do not want a comer here, use that.

The men worked hard in the heat, digging, sweeping and washing artefacts, which would be classified by Brother De Bracy. – missing comer.

Brother De Bracy said, “You see brother, the Muslims believe true art does not take man away from nature; on the contrary – a comer or a full stop, not a colon.

The old man would recite text straight from the Bible with more accuracy than any Christian would; then turn right around and quote from the Q’uran. – semicolon.


“Blessed is he who has found in life his life’s purpose,” said the old man. “You must be very pleased – comer and full stop.

When they arrived at the site, they were too late. – missing comer.

Several workmen had already been slain, lying in the red stained sand, - workmen, not workman.

We meet again Eric. Glad to see your book is doing well. Being a lover of historical fiction, as you probably already know, I appreciate your excellent research and attenion to detail. It is exemplified in Chapter One, which is very gripping and compelling. I can relate to the time era you write about and its significance in our human evolution. I love the gnostic references and the implications of the questionable, controversial practices of early Christiandom. In my research I found the Catholic Church especially was full of corruption.
Anyway, glad to put your fine book on my shelf for a spin. I need to read more soon.

Hi Eric,

Atmospheric writing! A novel construct using triple timeframes although I prefer the 13th century middle east era the most. Nice imagery generated by your words, although occassionally, I would use them slightly differently, eg
'The exoticness of Acre was nearly to much for Brother Sinclair' I would write as 'The exotic atmosphere of Acre was intoxicating for Brother Sinclair.' But this is nit picking! A good read, I will shelve it.

Regards, Mike.

I commented 89 days ago

BOREDwith doing SNAP REVIEWS of vampire novels.

This week I plan to re-review.
Update my comments in light of immense improvements.
In return I need comments on later new chapters of The Free

So if you fancy an update.
Let me know

Good idea?.....................All the best.................Mikey

I commented 89 days ago

BOREDwith doing SNAP REVIEWS of vampire novels.

This week I plan to re-review.
Update my comments in light of immense improvements.
In return I need comments on later new chapters of The Free

So if you fancy an update.
Let me know

Good idea?.....................All the best.................Mikey

Fascinating stuff Eric! This is vertainly very different and very well written! Well worth a place on the shelf. Good luck!
Simon

OK, had a read of the opening chapters and though I am intrigued by the premise i do think the writing itself needs a lot of work. I am afraid what I read, comes across as more non-fiction than a story. The opening of the gnostic monks reads a bit like a history book and did nothing to hook me in. Chapter 2 start was more promising with dialogue between Johnathon and Christine (though you need to look at point of view as it switches between characters and omniscient narrator, and i am not sure this is intentional), but then it drops into a dry info dump of Johnathon's career. Think of the reader as a new friend, you don't blurt out your life history when you first meet, but it comes out in dialogue and through associations with objects and events, so do the same in writing. The 3rd chapter changes time frame again and seems to be more info dump rather than plot. My advice forget filling the reader in on the history and tell the story of this soul. Think about spending longer in one time frame before switching, the reader did not have time to invest in Johnathon, so is unlikely to care too much what happens to him. Sorry this comments are not more complimentary, i do think the idea is great and i wish you luck and perseverance in developing your skills.

Eric,
You've taken on a challenge. Historical fiction takes so much research. Okay, you start with the Gnostics (nice to see someone knows about the Gnostic Christians) thats like 200AD, then you go to modern day, then back to the crusades 1000AD, then back to the Gnostics. You might want to put some year labels on each scene to help the reader follow along. Also the dialogue needs to be broken out of the narrative. The rule is: start a new paragraph when a character speaks, then start an new paragraph each time the speaker changes. Takes a lot more paper but it is too hard for readers to follow dialogue buried in narrative.
You've got a great story working here. Just pick up any novel and you will see how the editors handle dialogue.
Good luck with your book.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

Hi, Love the way you swap clearly back and forth between the centuries. Chapter lengths are just right for me (I tend to flick through if they are too long). Wish you luck with it.
Regards
P
The Healer's Stone

Hi Eric

I love your premise and the flicking backwards and forwards between the centuries. The opening is particularly effective, with the dedicated men and women working to build the sacred grove, working for something other than filthy lucre - and then the cut to the present day hedge fund trader all the more striking and mundane. BTW, I'm not convinced that the head of equities trading would have his own office? on our trading floor all the heads of the desks sit on the floor, they wouldn't want to sit anywhere else! but maybe it's different in a much smaller hedge fund operation? The section in Acre is wonderfully well-researched and seems, to my ignorant eye, completely convincing. I think the whole thing needs a bit of an edit for missing "the"s, odd capitalisation, the odd bit of "showing not telling", etc. However, on the whole this is a striking ambitious piece and I back it with pleasure.

Nicole

Because the website is currently acting up and I cannot read your book (or any other book), you are SHELVED! I do look forward to your forthcoming comments and possible backing of my book. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau File

I thought I'd give this a go. I hope you don't mind. Comments are only my opinion and you're free to do with them as you wish.
Your pitch didn't quite work for me. Personally, I dislike pitches that boast about a book being different or great. A pitch should be about what's in the book. Give us an interesting glimpse of the plot and the stakes in the novel, and then the readers will draw their own conclusions about originality and greatness of the book.
Chapters: I think the narrative needs a hard edit. There is a lot of word repetition and unnecessary passive language. Try to avoid using the same word in consecutive sentences. You do this a lot, and it makes the text flat and uninteresting. Get rid of most of the passive constructions. OUt of the eight sentences in the opening paragraph, five have passive constructions. 'A trench was dug'. Who was doing the digging? Show us. Give us a POV character to follow.

I really like the concept of this and how the three stories interweve. Each chapter ( I read 4 ) has differences instyle according to the time setting, so the most modern one seems pacier and contains more dialogue which it suits. I really don't know much about the time periods or settings so think that this would be really interesting to find out about these aswell as enjoy the story. I like the touches of yoga and although Jonothan only seems to accompnay Christina, my yoga teacher tells us that all yogis were practitioners in their former lives, so I wonder if that will be the case!!
Kendall Craig, The Halo (of Delight)

Found your work by chance.Vivid, compelling and highly original writing.This concept of a soul's jouney through time is fascinating. To run seperate threads as you do is a real challenge, especially with how they are interlinked.Keeping a close eye on thius one!.On W/L,

I think you really have something here. The storyline and characters are very interesting. That being said I felt like I was being told a story instead of involved in the story, and I hear that publishers want “show & not tell“. But, I’m definitely no expert - so I can‘t talk from expertise, just from what I‘ve heard. I’m shelving the book because the storyline is enjoyable and definitely worth recommending.

Nit-picky edits: CH 2: “…trying to find something that works anymore.” That sentence reads strange to me.
“…listening intently to anything any of the head traders…” anything any looks strange. Maybe everything any…

Good luck!
Amanda

The King, Father & Mother...

Okay, now that I've read your partial (i.e., the first three chapters), I think you need to have more actual scenes in your story to be able to attract the interest of an agent or publisher. A really good book is Scene and Structure by Jack W. Bickham. I can't tell you how many times I've restructured my novel, and I'm still not sure it's right. I find structure the most difficult thing about writing a novel. I suspect others feel the same way.

One of the things that scenes do really well (when you get them right) is introduce conflict into your novel, and conflict, both interior and exterior, is really what a novel is all about.

You have the potential for a compelling story here, given your pitch, and I encourage you to keep working on this. You have something important to say.

Shelved to encourage you to keep on making this one the best you can make it.

Cheers,
Sheryl
IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES (would love your honest reactions because I'm sooo close to the Editor's Desk, and I want my novel to be the best it can be before it gets there.)

The King, Father & Mother...

C.1 comments...setting the stage for your first section. Interesting although not yet compelling for me. I think the chapter would be stronger if you eliminate the passive voice, not to mention that agents are much more likely to reject passive writing.

Reading on...

The King, Father & Mother...

Can I start with the 21st Century--the hedge fund manager sounds really intriguing. Does he get burned at the stake?

Reading now...

Who am I to comment really? After all, I sometimes wonder what we are all doing here. Anyway, I think the ability to 'weave' is one of the most difficult approaches to novel writing, and I admire you for doing so. I do love this kind of melange of past and present (doing it myself, but slightly less obviously) and therefore I'm shelving it. My only 'rapproche' is that there's a little too much exposition overload and not enough action/dialogue. But please keep at it, good luck

This is a really well-researched novel. You're tackling a lot here: Wall Street, Gnostics, and the Crusades; but the way you make all three intertwine is masterful. Very engaging piece of literature. Perfect for our times. WL.

Hi Eric, read your first two chapters. Your long pitch instantly got my interest, sounds very much my type of book and a very intriguing premise. My only observation was that ‘the soul’ was not introduced as a person, with the result that I felt distant from the character/s and not sure if I should like them or not.

Ch1 described an interesting world, a blend of religious practices and sets a mysterious stone in place which I have a feeling we will be hearing more about!

Ch2 starts us off in the modern world and the atmosphere you create seems very genuine and well researched. I feel it needs an edit, there are a few typos and things that have probably just crept in through the editing process – have done the same myself. Nothing another run through won’t sort out. Happy to elaborate on those I found, just let me know.

We have lots of introductory information about the characters without much dialogue, it's a large and complex story which you are setting out and I feel I would have to read quite a few more chapters to give it a fair appraisal. Nevertheless I wonder if you could move more slowly with the background info and bring it in more gradually, enabling you to keep the story flowing along faster and get us more grounded in the characters? Just my two cents, feel free to ignore if you disagree ;-)

I would like to come back and read some more of this.

Scott Foley (Warlords of The Dreaming God)