Book Jacket

 

rank 2050
word count 88945
date submitted 18.03.2009
date updated 24.05.2012
genres: Fiction, Young Adult, Gay
classification: universal
complete

Chip

Raymund Dring

Chip is sixteen and has been brought up at a boys' home. He wants to trace his parentage and the book describes his quest.

 

Chip is sixteen and has been brought up at Brockhurst, a boys' home in South London. He is very impatient to trace his parentage before he reaches eighteen when he has a legal right to do so. Aided by his younger room-mate, Lovebyte, with whom he is intimate, Chip embarks on a long search which takes him all over the country. Labelled as gay by all the rest of the unruly boys, life is never easy for the pair, but they somehow manage to brave it out. Although studious Lovebyte is still at school, Chip works at 'Wallington World', a rather pathetic, local freebie rag. However, innate investigative journalism within him fuels his convoluted detective work. His long quest is also a voyage of self-discovery during his difficult adolescent years.

 
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tags

rites of passage

on 7 watchlists

20 comments

 

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SallyXB wrote 9 days ago

Hi, I read the first couple of chapters of Chip and enjoyed them. The story flows well and the dialogue does too. I did feel at some point that it felt like it was further in the past than 1996 - perhaps the 1970s or 1980s. I think that's partly due to some of the language used. That said, I think you've set up the story very well.

M. A. McRae. wrote 44 days ago

I like this book a great deal. Don't you think it's time you self-published several of your books? As far as I can see, they're perfectly professional, and if I could get hold of this one in particualr, in paperback, it would make it a lot easier to read at my leisure. (Speaking selfishly) Aside from that, to be backed just as soon as I have a space available on my shelf.

Su Dan wrote 202 days ago

a good premise and idea to start with= perfect writing style that makes this book work very well indeed...
backed...
read SEASONS...

MarsdenCyn wrote 396 days ago

What a delightful story! Loved it, loved it, loved it!

I love that you ease into the story and characters. This is classic story telling and don't let anyone tell you to add some gimmicky hook, which seems to be the "in" thing these days but doesn't make for good literature. You introduce the protagonist's goal on the first page and then invite the reader to become totally engrossed in the unraveling of the mystery along with Chip as he runs into obstacles/antagonism. This is very well written.

The little wistful thoughts of Chip and Lovebyte fondly remind the reader of his own adolescent angst, and are a brilliant way of bringing in backstory.

Couple issues you may want to address:
Ch.5 typo -- ... and Chip "gook" great gulps of salty-tasting air ...
Ch.8 In the first para of the Brighton trip you have two cases where you mix plural pronoun (they; their) with singular antecedent (each boy), and it would then need to be a singular bath towel, unless each boy has more than one in which to roll his swim trunks.
Ch.10 There are two periods at the end of ... as Chip galloped away to fetch his mobile down from their room.
Ch.12 5th para from end, you probably meant to have a hard return between Lovebyte and Chip's dialogue, but also look at "I'm on my way," said Chip --both a single and double "smart" quote are going the wrong way.

Joel Juedes wrote 499 days ago

Great setup of the characters and setting. I like your stream of thoughts of Shaw and Chip that tell us a little of their pasts and personalities. Good peppering of realistic dialogue between the larger paragraphs, which are filled with interesting enough observations to keep the reader reading. You overlay some of Chips feelings over the descriptions, having the same effect.

As interesting as the first few chapters are, however, I think it might be a little more gripping if you came up with a faster paced beginning somewhere other than an office. You need to alert the reader right away that your book is different. Characters can still be developed, and the present chapter can follow, but I'd like a little clearer plot. Even literary fiction has dozens of mini sub-plots to carry the action until something larger comes along. Contrary to what many people believe, readers find it easier to grasp a story with something other than dialogue in the beginning.

That said, I think you give enough for the reader to become invested in Chip, and that is where your strength lies. Your characters are your story, meaning you shouldn't shy away from a little deviation here and there to tell us more about them--and you don't. By the end of chapter one, Chip is very identifiable so you've accomplished your purpose, and if the reader gets that far, they're hooked. Everyone is realistic and pop out of the page. I wish you the very best of luck in all your writing ventures. It's obvious you have what it takes, and the experience few others possess.

Joel Juedes

Darugh wrote 553 days ago

There is a mystery here surrounding Chip's beginnings, and you develop it beautifully while describing the life he is living with his young friend. The writing is very good. No grammatical errors. Dialogue rings true. I will star and back this book tomorrow - have no room to do that tonigjht. In the meantime, it's on my watch list for at least 24 hours.

Patricia West Hays
The Witness Tree

If you have any time at all, I would appreciate your taking a look at my book. Thanks.

Barry Wenlock wrote 639 days ago

Hi Raymond, I read three chapters and really got into it. Chip and Lovebyte are great characters and your dialogue is wonderful -- some of the words and language you use really made me laugh (galoot, perfect tackle etc).
Lovebytes hatred of team sports -- hilarious.
Backed with real pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Barry Wenlock wrote 639 days ago

Hi Raymond, I read three chapters and really got into it. Chip and Lovebyte are great characters and your dialogue is wonderful -- some of the words and language you use really made me laugh (galoot, perfect tackle etc).
Lovebytes hatred of team sports -- hilarious.
Backed with real pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Despinas1 wrote 656 days ago

Dear Raymond
Your novel Chip has great potential, and I believe that this is a very deserved backing.
Sincerely
Helen

soutexmex wrote 681 days ago

Welcome aboard, Raymund. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. Both pitches work for this genre. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book on the website, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Burgio wrote 681 days ago

CHIP
This is an interesting coming of age story. You have a good main character in Chip; he’s likable and sympathetic because he’s shunned so by the other boys and because he has no idea who he is. Lovebyte is a good contrast to him. Your writing style creates a good balance between description and dialogue. Makes this a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

name falied moderation wrote 694 days ago

BACKED AS are the others . will make more comments when I get to the third. Please take the time to Comment on my book thanks
Denise
The Letter

name falied moderation wrote 694 days ago

Hello RAymond,
Well I have 7 of your books on my WL and am going through them all . You are a prolific writer and so far, reviewing your pitches, you are promising me that you are a genius. I am so pumped to read them I cannot tell you. Now a request please take the time to review my small one book and COMMENT. and if you will back it

Looking forward to backing all yours
Denise
The Letter

SusieGulick wrote 695 days ago

Dear Raymond, I love Chip's aspirations - he's a go-getter, so whenI read your pitch, which was excellent, I knew he'd achieve anything he wanted to do - this set the hook for me to read your book. :) I love your writing - I discovered that you have 5 books, so I will back them all. When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. :) Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

lizjrnm wrote 800 days ago

This is a wonderful sort of coming of age story and you have a beautiful writing style - descriptive prose and excellent characterizations! BACKED wirth pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

alison woodward wrote 819 days ago

backed with pleasure

alison

Jayce wrote 833 days ago

Raymund

I read the whole book with avid interest. I believe that it is a fantastic story idea with rich and unique characters and a highly engaging plotline. Young Adult coming-of-age stories isn't usually my thing, but this one kept me completely hooked. All in all, a fantastic job! This one is shelved!

Craig

Bruce Vaughan wrote 1115 days ago

I have read the first three chapters. It has a good story potential. I will read more soon. I would be glad if you would give 'A Matter of Face' a read. Cheers
Bruce

Sta_kitten wrote 1115 days ago

I read all of this in one go...the story totally drew me in...it did take a bit to get going but all in all a good story. I'd like a bit more bout LB and SM and just to make sure that C and LB stayed together. E'sta xx

tyleradams wrote 1156 days ago

Raymund

Read five chapters with interest. This is a great subject to write about, but your story seems a bit long on adjectives, and a little short on the story in those five chapters. I've been reading it because the subject matter interests me, but I'm not too sure that those who are less interested in gay stories would stay tuned in for very long. Just a thought.

Best wishes with this.

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