Flight of Faith

Julia,

What a clear, beautiful writing style you have. It was so clean and easy to read. I didn't feel like I had to struggle to understand what you were trying to convey. I like that premise of a congregation losing its faith, a priest who doesn't know how to stop it, and the other implied conflicts that I'm sure are about to arise. The imagery was vivid, particularly the priest's robes whispering along the floor. I really enjoy being oriented into the world with such details. All in all, a very pleasant and entertaining read.

You're on my watchlist.
ML

Good job, with fantasy sometimes, even with the Hobbit, it takes so many chapters to figure out who or what the players are. Not with this, no confusion from the start. This is such a breath of fresh air. I guess I've read too many lately from young people who just don't have your creativity. From your bio, I expectd your writing to be flawless and was not disappointed. I'll enjoy this when it's published, notice I didn't say if! I love this really. I think fantasy is great mixed with action and you did that well here, the fight scenes were super.
Kennesaw

Julia,

This is very good. You have a good pace for the story, and you keep the tension high by keeping Lia in the dark for now. At five chapters in, I'm entranced, and look forward to reading more.

Dear Julia,
This is very touching and charming, both as a narrative and in the style. You conjure up the temple very well and the embarrassed congregation. I shall certainly read on . Shelved.
Hilary Waters (The Piazza)

Hi Julia,
I enjoyed reading this, it pulled me along. You have a lovely easy style and I was involved in the story. I like your premise, it seems straightforward to me and I ma happy to read more and follow the story - I have found in the past that some fantasy cna be quite confusing but this isn't at all. You have created a great sense of time and place, good description and a knack for the 'storytelling' element. I will be back to read more but in the meanwhile, this is on my SHELF!
Bests,
AnnabelleP
(Adelaide Short)

Julia,
What an engaging story. While I read, I'm thinking where am I, "when" am I, but it doesn't matter, you have a smooth style that takes us along. Great scene in the temple and visit to the farm. Lia is wise beyond her years and it sounds like she is going to need all her strength for the rest of the story! Oh, consider getting an original cover. I've seen this generic Authonomy cover many times. It does nothing to promote your fine story!
Well done and on my shelf
Jeff

Julia,
You have some lovely descriptions (he scooped up the child, the whispering robes), and natural dialogue. The writing flows well and you paint some lovely word pictures. The characters are coming to life (I only had time for 2 chapters). The only recommendation I would make is with your first paragraph. You say 'her half-doze' which sort of implies she had meant to doze. I would make it 'a half-doze'. You then have her glancing around, embarrassed. I wasn't sure where she was - in bed, under a tree, on a park bench? We have to read further to find out she is in a temple.
I would begin the story with your second paragraph. "Three or four is typical," he roared.....
This takes us straight into the action. You can then feed in the first paragraph. I would say 'glancing around...instead of she glanced. Rubbing her arm... instead of she rubbed.
I wasn't sure about the multi-hued bars of light. I couldn't quite visualise this. I would go with a shaft of light, or something not quite as solid as a bar.
The first paragraph is usually the most diffcult and writers often go back and change it once they have finished their manuscript. But is also the most important as many readers will put down a book if the first paragraph doesn't appeal.
I think you have something worth publishing and I will back this book.
Just4kix
Something to Read on the Plane

Julia

This is fantastic! I rarely read everything posted...and I read all of yours! This is a great tale and you have an easy style of writing that just takes us further and further in. I would love to see this in print- I would love to read your entire ms!

I am happy to shelve this for a time.
All the very best.

Elaina
Gathering of Rain

PS: consider a cover pic...bound to draw more readers. Your work deserves support.

Hello Julia. Only had time for one chapter, I am an amateur so I never nit pic on other people's work. after saying this, i've had a long life . read a great number of books. this is a good book. I have put this on my watchlist. will read in the next two days. and come back.

Wondeful! This book deserves far more attention than its been getting! The writing style is flawless, while you have a way with dialogue that really makes the reader feel as if they are there. I was completely absorbed from the first paragraph on and rather forgot that I was reading a manuscript!
Shelved. :)

Hi Julia.

Your stern minister is a delightful contrast to compassionate Lia. A clever surprise to introduce a cripled girl from a dysfunctional home. Lia is even more endearing as she respects others and considers their feelings in handling herself. Your setting in chapter 3 is picturesque. Great building up to the page turner ending. Your style is crisp and you do not waste words. You successfully establish motive for Lia to have an adventure.

On my shelf. Good luck. Janet Marie

Hello, Julia.

First impressions: I like your book title and your short pitch, but I would differ this from your synopsis. You only have a limited space with which you promote yourself and so you should use this to your full advantage. Your book is often represented by just your pitches alone. Your tags don't seem to cover a very broad range either; I would definitely add some more to these, in order to draw a broader range of Readers to your book.

The books itself is well written. the imagery is good and the plot exciting. I think it's a unique idea and certainly kept me reading.

Good luck with this.

Billie (A Matter of Life and Death)
XX

Julia, this is not a genre that I would normally read, but you handle it beautifully. I was a bit anxious for it to get going, but the end of ch 3 really begins it. Great stuff! Shelved.

Julia,
I really enjoyed your first chapter, it's very descriptive and brings your story to life. Lia is an intriguing MC, and I'm sure the story gets even better the further you read. The only thing I would suggest is that the pitch doesn't seem to match the first chapter. I just expected the Underworld making an appearance and foreshadowing for the rest of the book, but again, I really enjoyed the first chapter. You are a great writer!

Hi Julia,
I’m not really familiar with fantasy, but I like this very much. It has a certain stately, moody, solid feel about it. At first I thought I would recommend you tighten this by removing extra adverbs and adjectives and shorten some sentences. However, after reading four chapters I think it works better like it is. I think a novel should establish a mood and tone, the more distinctive the better. I like your choice of words, such as “multihued bars of morning light” (good alliteration and quite rhythmic—poetic) and “The full moon shone like a great eye, casting a wide bar of pallid light across her wooden floor.” (I don’t know what you call it, but it is poetic—full moon, great eye, wide bar, pallid light, wooden floor. Rather rhythmic with paired adjectives/nouns). Your characters are well defined. Father Chase – an interesting character. Well described. I wouldn’t fall asleep in his congregation. “Father Chase wielded a rather large communion bell.” When he talks in the “massive stone chamber” you can simply hear his voice reverberating with the “rather large communion bell”.

I have just one suggestion:
“The letter didn’t even make sense. ‘The place where I dream awake’? What is that supposed to mean?” Try it like this: “The letter didn’t make sense: ‘The place where I dream awake’. What is that supposed to mean?” (The single quotes don’t seem to work the way they are written).

Very good job, Julia. I'm happy to shelve it.

Randy
(Buttermilk Moon)

Nice start. Good description of Church service. And Father Chase’s ringing the gong to awaken those asleep in service--a classic! Nice narrative skills, coupled with believable dialogue.

The letter and being booted out--great ending to chapter three, and threads a nice hook. And the ending to the following chapter, with Lord Eastabrooke holding the creature at bay with his sword while Lia escapes--another good hanging ending.

Nice paradox--: “The ones we seek are the same as those we are fleeing. And they all want you dead.”

“He prefers to be called Lieutenant Travoris, which is why I call him Travoris.” Nice.

Nice little fantasy story, with too many twists and turns to count. The writing and storyline flow well, and I read the entire posting. Watchlisted, awaiting a space on my shelf.

Welcome to the site, Julia!

I have watchlisted your book to review because it sounds all very intriguing. I shall return when I have a little more time to do it some justice.

Billie (A Matter of Life and Death)
XX

Dear Julia,


It has become physically impossible for me to read and critique 120 manuscripts a month. Especially as my critiques are page-long.

So I decided to compile guide-lines based on what I myself have learnt from being published. I am attempting to do better than critique and trust the following notes will show writers how to judge their work for themselves.

I appreciate there are many writers here who know more than I do. But there are ten times more who will be interested in what took me a lifetime to discover.


In the meantime, Flight of Faith is on my bookshelf.


Your pitch is very important as among the book-lists which editors scan, the pitch stands alone with no support from the synopsis. I write the synopsis first, because a key sentence there is usually appropriate for the pitch.

A synopsis is not a dust-jacket advertisement. Aimed at a professional editor, it is a no-nonsense summary of what happens in the novel, including how the novel ends. Don’t leave the editor dangling and don’t ask her questions. Tell her.

Somerset Maugham said, ‘There are three rules for writing a successful novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.’

Correct. There are no rules for creativity. Think of Jonathon Livingstone Seagull. So way out, so creative, it was rejected over a hundred times. Then it became a best seller.

There is one criterion though……. entertainment. Our writing must entertain from the very first sentence. There is no other reason for story-telling whether around a camp fire or in print..

I have struggled nine years to write three novels. Each written three times. One published, one lying fallow, Fig Tree currently in the process of being rewritten for the fifth time. Two literary agents requested the full manuscript but threw it back at me for a rewrite. So I am rewriting.

Based on what has happened to me, these are my thoughts on what editors want from us…………….

Plunge directly into the story. Do not set the scene or back-story first. When we go to a play and the curtain rises, we don’t see stage hands putting the props in place. The stage is already set. Likewise when we present our work to the reader, the actors should immediately get on with it..

Let our characters drive the story-telling via dialogue, interplay and direct action. It’s stupid (although I am guilty of this) to have a stage set and silent characters frozen, while an off-stage narrator bores the audience with what is supposed to be happening on the stage.

Write minimal words because our readers’ brains race ahead of our words, visualizing the scene themselves, anticipating how our sentences end…… four times faster than they are reading. They become bored and frustrated by our overwriting.

Write tight, sparse, lean, stark, bare bones. Adjectives and adverbs are for people who need a crutch to support their unimaginative nouns and verbs. Always seek the appropriate noun and verb. (Read John Steinbeck’s field notes, Journal of a Novel which he jotted down while he was writing East of Eden.)

Roget’s Thesaurus is a treasure. A real work-horse and a delight to use. It’s a companion that provides thousands of alternative words. Appropriate nouns and verbs are there for the picking.

Don’t write your scenes. Live them. Experience them. Meditate. Daydream yourself into them Watch what is happening. Listen to what the characters are saying. Smell the sweat or the aroma or whatever. Touch what the characters are touching. What do you feel? Taste the bile, the coffee, or the skin of the lover.

All communication is made through our senses. I wear earmuffs when I write, to help me leave this world and disappear into another universe which is the scene I’m trying to paint.

What is the peripheral vision picking up? How about distant sounds? Are we stirring the emotions of the reader? Feeling is very important. A novel must generate its own momentum, so readers experiences it rather than read it.

I edit out the past participle ‘had’. I change ‘he had done it’ to ‘he did it’ It seems to make the action more immediate and more relevant.

I also dump words ending in ‘-ly’……. seemingly, clearly, obviously. actually, strangely, finally, eventually………. and all the others. Somehow they weaken our writing and make it vague.

Taking words out of our sentences and taking sentences out of long paragraphs, in my opinion, is the secret to better writing. I can easily cut my stuff between 20% and 50%.

I learnt this when a literary agent demanded I delete 40,000 words from my first novel of 120,000 words. I was shocked but I did it and the novel was published.

Fig Tree has already shed 16,000 words and I am currently rewriting it for the fifth time, tightening the writing as much as possible. I might dump another 16,000 words.

I trust this is better than a critique and makes you look at your work in a new light.


Kind regards,



Pierre.

I am just going to start out running here... These are just my thoughts, take them or leave them. :)

Chapter 1 -- Wow, as a woman of faith, your first chapter had me in tears. Great way to evoke emotion! We have all been to the "why God" and this hits the emotion right on the head. I can visualize the temple and I loved that imagery "his robes whispered along the stone floor..." beautiful mind picture!

Chapter 3 has me a little confused at Lia's status. Maybe some clarification might be in order. Who she is. Who Lord Westabrooke is. Etc. ANd maybe a little more about the box before they open it, as I read, I am awfully confused as to what is with the items. Obviously she gets the box every year, a little light into that might be nice. I love the mistery of the letter... but just would like to know more at this point before it all. Hope that makes sense.

Chapter 4- The Dialog between Danie and Lia seems a little too forced after the Lord leaves after she has fainted. I can't really give you ideas to improve it, just my first thought.

The paragraph that starts out "Lord Eastabrooke was there" needs a bit of tweeking. Maybe start with an action first... then let us know it's Lord Eastabrooke. Just seems a little out of place in that order. But it's good. I am reading on the edge of my seat.

Also, is it possible to change Lord Westabrooke's or Master Westfall's names? I am finding it very confusing with the East and West thing specially her at the beginning, trying to remember who was whom.

Chapter 5--I like the phrase "I am fairly sure my adaptability..." but it seems out of place. Does she really have all her head about her to be able to be this witty?

"Sometime later" can be omitted. It's already assumed that if she fell asleep it would be sometime later. And since you address how long she was asleep, it's pretty redundant.

Exciting tale so far!

"The stuff of nightmares child" Love it! Gave me the creeps ;)
You say, "The Red Lighted..." I think that should be red lights? Or?

When she tells Elenor that she is not going with her... she is way too calm in the wording. It's almost comical. I like the words around the dialog but the dialog needs some reworking.

You mention the horse rearing but no rider until a few statements later. I had to reread to see if I missed that. It was a really confusing paragraph.

And you say that Lia had a pack with her? I didn't think she left with anything. Danie packed one, but never gave it to Lia... specially in her haste to get away from the white cloaked thing. So for her to have a pack now is out of place.

I have to get the kids to bed, but I will be back and read the rest... :) Great tale!

I was going to read a little of it just to get a quick idea, but it really hooked me, and I didn't stop till chapter 5...hehe. I'll be back for more, later. Got it on my Watch List.
John

Julia,

What a clear, beautiful writing style you have. It was so clean and easy to read. I didn't feel like I had to struggle to understand what you were trying to convey. I like that premise of a congregation losing its faith, a priest who doesn't know how to stop it, and the other implied conflicts that I'm sure are about to arise. The imagery was vivid, particularly the priest's robes whispering along the floor. I really enjoy being oriented into the world with such details. All in all, a very pleasant and entertaining read.

You're on my watchlist.
ML

Good job, with fantasy sometimes, even with the Hobbit, it takes so many chapters to figure out who or what the players are. Not with this, no confusion from the start. This is such a breath of fresh air. I guess I've read too many lately from young people who just don't have your creativity. From your bio, I expectd your writing to be flawless and was not disappointed. I'll enjoy this when it's published, notice I didn't say if! I love this really. I think fantasy is great mixed with action and you did that well here, the fight scenes were super.
Kennesaw

This is a nice piece of work. It drew me in quickly and kept my attention. My only disappointment is that this book in not in print so I could have a copy on my real bookshelf. I would recommend this book to everyone, not just fantasy fans. I look forward to seeing if this will turn into a series.