All Expenses Paid ( Fact meets Fiction)

I ended up in South Africa after filling an job application form for a laugh so I relate to mad decisons :)

Great read. Love the fact that it is a story about a woman in her forties being adventurous. You also had me smiling on many occasions right from the first chapter. All Expenses Paid is a story written with humour, wit and skill. Have rated the book highly.
Maria :)

I was attracted by the prospect of 6 months in the South of France and read the prologue and first 3 chapters. I thought this was beautifully written, witty, and full of charming characters. Some of the lines are terrific ("Could he be any more French?"). Great dialogue, loved the scene in the bar and the disastrous vaccuum salesmen interview. Laura seems a lot of fun. I'd happily spend 6 months in her company somewhere exotic! Nitpicks, I'm racking my brain but can't think of any. On my WL for further reading and generously starred. Good luck with this.

"All Expenses" - you owned me with your log line (is that what it's called in novel world? In scripts, it's a log line, don't ask me why. I'm thinking I already backed. Sorry, too much coffee or not enough.

love and such,
jim

re-re-re-backing your work :-) hope you're doing well!
love,
jim

nice idea and very readable and perhaps the dreams of the many

Great lively style and enjoyable read. Perfect book to take on a weekend away.

Hey, Helen! Hope you're doing well! Sorry for the delay.

jim

Very enjoyable, great fun.
Best, M

- Weekend Chimney Sweep or Happy New Year
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

Helen,
All Expenses Paid (Fact meets Fiction) is a vicarious traveler's delight. Backed with six stars.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

Sounds like a good read. On the shelf!

Hi, just joined Authonomy and have been dipping in and out of books. Very much enjoyed your first chapter. I chose to read your book because it's in the genre in which I write, so I wanted to see what the competition was! But mainly because I like the fact the character is in her 40's and the storyline of getting away from it all, and doing something a little different. I immediately want to read more to find out what happens to her. I like the flashback format; a good way of setting a scene by avoiding chronological prose which can be a little dull. I enjoy your wit.

Hi Helen, re backing your book, and placing on my shelf.
Crazy system, eh?
:-)
jim

Six months in the South of France by the sea!
How bad could the old lady be?
After Miss Bel-shah
Make that Madam Belshar
Or better yet the Queen Bee Belsher
Au revoir, Sourpuss, and Betty, bonjour!
So much, much, much more,
In this delightful French and British mix
Of a tasty, scrumptious, All Expenses Paid, charming dish…

Helen Ducal, I love your book.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

Hi Helen, I backed your work awhile back...however, I've been told that my backings didn't register....so I'm re backing! Apologies!

blessings,
jim
jack & charmian london

This is the type of novel I'd take on a summer vacation, the kind that I'd buy because of a recommendation or after a quick glance at the first few pages. These first few pages would sell the book. I was immediately drawn in and felt friendly with your character; in short--I wanted to see what she would do and what would happen to her. Light, humorous voice, very engaging.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

This is a wonderful book, a very enjoyable and entertaining read. I was totally drawn into this adventure and would love to read on so I will keep it on my WL. I love your writing style it is very easy and witty, almost like sitting in a room with you telling me a story. I really enjoyed what I have read so far.
Best of luck
Rachael
Dreamscape

I'm into all things French, so your pitch really appealed to me, not to mention the fact that it was an original one! I really like your story and they way you tell it. The only thing I'd mention is that the advice in the prolgue needs to be differenciated from the first person account - maybe include speech marks for that bit? And the first line 'So why don't you give it a go' would benefit from a question mark, I thought.
A great read; I'm backing and intend to continue with this!

All Expenses Paid (Fact meets Fiction) isn’t the type of book I normally read. Chic-Lit doesn’t really fit my bulwark. That said, I really enjoyed the book. Author Helen Ducal has created a great read that people like me will enjoy, and those that normally read within this genre will love. A key to this success is the character of Laura, who seems very real and also is easy to get to know and enjoy. Ducal writes Laura with real emotions that you “feel” rather than simply being told about it.

The only negative I would say, and this I’ve heard from agents in the past and is not really my own critique, is that the book might be a bit short. I’ve been told that first time authors should put their books between 80,000 and 90,000 words to appeal to publishers. One agent told me that anything outside those guidelines are rejected out of hand.

This is a wonderful addition to a genre that has been growing in presence in the last few years. Of its ilk this is a perfect compliment to the chick lit canon.

BACKED

A work of high merit written in first person. Backed for sure. Chuck

A vibrant travel story with well developed characters. Arresting settings. Impecable attention to details. Lively dialogue. Clever wit. Splendid writing. Backed.

13 August 2010
Wonderfully refreshing and almost effervescent in style the plot does not meander and the reader is carried along with the action right from the opening paragraph. Clear, structured prose that retains an informal 'chattiness' encourages the reader to be part of the 'let's do it' decision and ensuing adventure. The mental image conjured up by the association of '82' and 'Kawasaki' lit the blue touch paper for me and the rest was lift off. Bravo. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run

Helen,

What a great story!
I can tell you love the story and I always enjoy the author coming through. The thought processes are delightful.

Laura is a great character to experience the experience with and through!
Great Job!
Backed!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

Hi Helen, what a great idea for a novel and you get away to a very compelling start. I'm sure to be back for more! Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

Dear Helen
well i missed this when i first cam on site but so glad i got to read some. You have a good book here, hey we all need editing, but original and your book feels like you are in my living room telling me the story. I really have not read it all but will carry on......I will carry on reading and comment further on as I would like to get this book of yours backed .
Backed for sure my me. ..I would really appreciate it if your would look at my book, COMMENT , and back it. If not that is OK also
The VERY best of luck with your book

Denise
The Letter

One word only to describe this one..... Brilliant.
Backed
Helen
The Last Dream

Good Evening Helen. Very good story. Had me wanting to know what was coming up next. Just the right amount of suspense. Well worth the time to read and back.

Nick
Invasion From Within

Great pitch, brilliant writing.
A very deserved backing
Helen
The Last Dream

Clever premise and pulled off with good humor. Dialog in particular sounded natural to me. Happy to back this for you.
Please consider taking a look at my book, The Job.
Thanks,
Craig

Helen,

Thanks for your kind words. Your lead character is lovely and every woman.

You will do well. Good luck. Live and be well.
In the south of France, hopefully!

Lin

Not marquasites, but marcasites on the watch band

"...long dark wavy hair..." long, dark, wavy hair (commas to separate the adjectives)
"...well not hers but a ..." ...well, not hers, but a similar...
"I practised putting up her long hair..." Should be past perfect -- I had practised -- for the entire paragraph and the following paragraphs until back in the present tense.
white-haired lady -- it's in a couple of places
"Yeah well, she liked..." Yeah, well, she liked...
"Anyway I'd better go..." Anyway, I'd better go
Also in several places. No semi-colons in dialogue -- ever.

Okay, sweet pea.
Very funny, dragonfly. In both, the person is being addressed and thus separated from the sentence by a comma.

Be consistent. Numbers in prose are written out not designated by the Arabic numbers, except in some instances where numbers are equations or mathematical expressions.

Aunt Sourpuss's number
Ah, yes, LOOSE tea...
Supper at six-thirty
Oh, sorry, I just wanted to see
But I didn't. -- no comma
call came at six-twenty
She looked incredulous. Perhaps I wasn't...
...fax machine. The number was the same, she assured me
....which was now getting no further ... No comma
The next twenty-one days...
...end of her shift, but no biscuits.
Mental note to self: the rest in italics

The narratives moves well and the MC is well drawn and just quirky enough to be interesting. The first job is a nightmare, which hopefully is not a foreshadowing of another nightmare, but a good use of contrast whether the next job is good or not. The MC and her friend do seem to be like best friends with some of the shorthand that evolves over years. Nicely done. The whole reads well, but the nits need to be picked, and there are quite a lot of them. This is a good story that suffers from a lot of grammatical and formatting flaws, like the inconsistencies with numbers (some are Arabic and others are written out). Thorough editing and proofing are needed to make this gem really shine.

JMC

As a "life sprinter," I have to back this. I love the sentence, "The next twenty-one days passed peacefully enough once I discovered that nothing I did was quite good enough." Been there, done that. You've hit a rich vein. Backed with pleasure.

The thing about sister- yah I knew it would resonate with you.
I like the way Fact meets Fiction has scenes not chapters. A novel screenplay. A screen written novel. Do they ever write books from movies?
I love your stuff, but is it because I can relate to it.
I am writing for the Zoomer genre who travels, what about you?
a zoomer

Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further read and possible backing of your book.

A very whitty and charming piece of work. The character development of your MC is quite good actually - you hit all of the buttons, physcologically and emotionally and the use of imagery is well done. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Excellent - can't put it down!

Fine work Helen. Best of luck with it.

This has a very chatty feel, Helen, sometimes even stream-of-consciousness. Many of the lines made me grin, 'serious risk of resembling the knot at the end of a balloon'. There's an amusing streak of sarcasm in Laura, 'The woman is, well, unique'. And the description of French food had me almost drooling. Laughed again at the letter to Julia, but Betty, bless her, had me nearly choking. A fabulous read, like listening to a friend with the 'gift of the gab'. Not really my genre but I enjoyed it very much ... backed.

Possible nits: Check for instances of 'look', 'looked', 'looking' close together (I noticed this mainly at the start). 'I don't [know] why I bothered'.

Pretty good stuff and well written. You keep the reader entertained.
Backed

Hi, Like all chick-lit, this is witty and observant. I thiink it might be a good idea to have the chapters of uniform length. I think what Tim means by the dialogue is that we cut the normal chit-chat and unnecessary banter that is a part of everyday speech. It isn't required in a novel. All the dialogue has to lead somewhere and be pertinent to the story. However, with chick-lit, we see the workings of a woman's brain (something most men can't fathom), so it maybe should read a little different. I am no expert, but it seemed okay to me.

Briiliant and humorous which makes this a terrific read. Wish you all the success that you derserve.
andy and vesna
When Spirits Break Free

Ok Moonbeam ( sorry that was lame of moi)

Thank you for your comments. You say they are intended to be constructive...that'll be in a 'smack you in the face with a wet fish' kinda way??

However, I had already restructered the opening paragraph, as you suggested ( now uploaded) to lead more directly into the story.

None of the humour was forced. It all happened. And if you found it lame...that's a shame...for you.

Lastly...dialogue is an art... that has to be invented...AND sound natural...
Make up your mind Tim.

Can't wait to read your masterpiece.
Helen ( an over-aged (what?) slacker)

Helen,

I took you at your word and will offer the following suggestions:

First, Eliminate the pitch and prologue from your Chapter One.

Second, Your all important first paragraph marks you as an amateur by telling the reader nothing she needs to know about the story. It also makes the central character sound like an over-aged slacker, which isn't very interesting. The second and third paragraphs simply confirm the impression of the first. I would do without them and write something that leads us into the tale and introduces the character of the Granny instead. I always think of the first paragraph as being like the source of a river.

Third, your attempts at humor are somewhat lame and known in the trade as "darlings." A standard bit of advice you will get in any good writing class is "kill your darlings." I would do so. The bit about the watch and so forth, eliminate them. Let the humor arise from the situations, don't force it.

Check your grammar. You use me in the subjective case at one point.

Your dialogue is overly long and sounds too much like small talk. You don't want to bore your reader with lots of that. Dialogue is story telling in another form. It's an art. It has to be invented, because people normally don't talk that way, and it has to sound natural.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway

Author with high talent spotting ranks spots hight talent here.

I am afraid I'm going to have to disagree with the previous reviewer. I highly enjoyed the chatty, light-hearted tone of this piece, and I did nto find the humour forced. If I had, I would not have backed it. this is a great, easy read and while there are a few grammatical glitches, they don't detract from the plesant tale you're weaving.

Abi xxx
“Everyone knows the rule: Stay inside the Wall, but Tisha believes rules were made to be broken.” - Relic

Helen,

I took you at your word and will offer the following suggestions:

First, Eliminate the pitch and prologue from your Chapter One.

Second, Your all important first paragraph marks you as an amateur by telling the reader nothing she needs to know about the story. It also makes the central character sound like an over-aged slacker, which isn't very interesting. The second and third paragraphs simply confirm the impression of the first. I would do without them and write something that leads us into the tale and introduces the character of the Granny instead. I always think of the first paragraph as being like the source of a river.

Third, your attempts at humor are somewhat lame and known in the trade as "darlings." A standard bit of advice you will get in any good writing class is "kill your darlings." I would do so. The bit about the watch and so forth, eliminate them. Let the humor arise from the situations, don't force it.

Check your grammar. You use me in the subjective case at one point.

Your dialogue is overly long and sounds too much like small talk. You don't want to bore your reader with lots of that. Dialogue is story telling in another form. It's an art. It has to be invented, because people normally don't talk that way, and it has to sound natural.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway

Dear Helen, That's some story. Hope you'll finish it. It is a good read because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm BACKING/COMMENTING on your book to help advance it. :) PLEASE take a moment to BACK/COMMENT on my TWO Books, ... "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" ... and the UNEDITED version? ... "Tell Me True Love Stories"
Thanks, Susie :)

Interlaced with humor, this storyline works wonderfully. Julia with her dry wit has all she can do to contain it and the dialogue is effective. Love to shelve it.

Catherine (The Golden Thread) Any opinions on this one?

You've captured these interesting personalities quite winsomely. Nice work. It's a pleasure to read.

This is a wonderful story. I have a grandmother a lot like Betty - doesn't stop for a minute - so your pitch really popped out at me. Like your dialogue a lot - easy to follow and always interesting. The same for your scene descriptions. Makes this a good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).