Sex After Marriage

I have read three chapters of your exciting book. Most interesting premise and fine writing style are the immediate attention grabbers. Backed with best wishes, M

- Weekend Chimney Sweep
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

Hey this story sounds really interesting. I'm really intrigued to how the relationship between Ashley and Evan will play out. I was wondering if you are going to continue writing this story or if its on hiatus for now?

Hey this story sounds really interesting. I'm really intrigued to how the relationship between Ashley and Evan will play out. I was wondering if you are going to continue writing this story or if its on hiatus for now?

First chapter starts a little slow. Not much happens other than boy meets girl. What are these people like? Need more details about what is different about them from any other couple in the city. How many girls would follow a drunk vomiting into the men's bathroom, especially if they hardly know them. not down South, we don't. Hope you don't mind negative comments. The idea for the book is intriguing. Will try to read more later.

Hello there,
This is interesting, it is something I have often wondeed about, as all married people might. This is a tragic tale to begin, how everthing feels ruined. I am rooting for Ashley and her bravery and I wonder if she will manage to pull it off or snap. I would buy this in a book shop because I want to know what happens. You write well as I can feel the emotions in the book. Listen to the people on here who know their stuff when it comes to writing and this will be a winner - ask TomW for a crit, he is very good, but read his book, Nick of Time, first (also very good!). I liked this and it's on my revolving shelf, good luck.
Bests,
AnnabelleP
(Adelaide Short)

By the second paragraph where your couple is adorable and playful, I knew they were doomed. Been there done that. Quite romantic when Evan gazed with blood shot eyes, thinking he was too boring for Ashley. Great humility. Fantastic choice to shift between Evan and Ashley's POV. It feels like a couple telling their story of how they fell in love. Perfect characterizing to have Evan be in need of a helping hand and Ashley yearn to save him. And she can cook. Chapter 2 does well to move the reader closer to the characters and remove the euphoria surrounding new love. Chapter 3 does well with establishing Evan's good intentions and his eventually decline in morality as a result of anticipated change in their relationship. The reader is curious what happened. Chapter 4 solidifies they undying love, past the intial attraction and into marital bliss. Good at building up plot so that reader becomes wary, knowing good times don't last. Great analysis of the stages of a relationship.

On my shelf. Good luck

Janet Marie - Spirit Prisoners.

Sham, first let me say that I love the idea of your story. I think you have something here, but it needs some work. If you are going to have problems between two people who are in love,you must make us feel that love in our own hearts. The same could be said about the subway ride in the first chapter, makeing us hear, smell and feel the ride will add much to the story. I could point out some of the smaller mistakes, but it would serve you best to read aloud what you write. This points out many of the problems. Please don't take my comments too seriously as it is my intention to help not hurt. Whatever you do, don't stop writing, all our work is a work in progress and your is worht the progress you are making. Keep at it and show some details that make this a little more real in our minds. Make us cry, or remember our first love when we read about Ashley and Evan. Good luck with this. Kennesaw

Interesting title and good idea. The feedback I have is that probably you could kick off the plot sooner, and maybe provide some back story as is required? Just a thought, hope this helps and wish you good luck with this.

I've just read the first chapter, and I think that your story has a lot of potential. I had a word document open as I was reading, and I made notes about things that I liked, and things that I thought could be worked on. I'll send you all those comments in a message. I'm going to put this on my bookshelf for a while, because I think that you've got a good story going here.

Thanks so much for backing Monster at the Window, by the way.

Best of luck!
Jessica