Book Jacket

 

rank 266
word count 51674
date submitted 24.03.2009
date updated 05.08.2011
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Travel, ...
classification: universal
incomplete

Sirocco Express

Tony Judge

A young Nigerian man leaves his home in Lagos to travel across the desert to Europe, in company with people smugglers and fellow migrants.

 

Set mainly in 1999/2000, Sirocco Express describes a young Nigerian student’s experiences on a journey from Lagos to London. But Adebayo is no backpacker on a gap year jaunt. He pays people smugglers to take him across the Sahara, and soon becomes immersed in a hidden world of illicit travel and savage exploitation.

The people smuggling process, its victims and the motives of those who profit from it are described with stark realism. Adebayo’s determination to retain his humanity, in spite of his increasing horror at the callousness of the traffickers, soon brings him into conflict with them. It almost costs him his life. And death is always close at hand: in the desert, on the Mediterranean in small, overcrowded boats, jumping onto moving trains.

Although Adebayo’s plight may be unfamiliar to many in the Western world, his quixotic stance in the face of his many misadventures has a universal appeal. He emerges not as a passive victim of his choices, but as a resourceful pimpernel, who evades his persecutors and ultimately completes the journey on his own terms.

Sirocco Express is complete at 77K words. 24 chapters are uploaded on Authonomy.

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

adventure, africa, coming of age, crime, death, desert, human migration, journey, literary, migrants, nigeria, people smuggling, sahara, travel

on 156 watchlists

545 comments

 

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
Sheloveswords wrote 460 days ago

This book is what a book should be. Without casting aspersions on some of the other efforts on this site, this is the needle in the haystack. I meant to read 6 chapters, I ended up reading 24. Bayo's journey is so real and so painful, it entrances the reader.
This book is Important. You have highlighted a truth of this world often overlooked. The brutality and suffering so many experience only to live on the fringes of our glittery society with illegal immigration statuses. To wash our dishes and pick our produce. Its a world that we can't even imagine but it's right under our noses. For myself personally, living in Rabat Morocco, when you said 500 miles to the nearest pharmacy, I thought, "Oh my God, this is happening 500 miles away from me." I can tell you right now, I'll have a hard time brushing off the next African beggar who approaches me in the souk. In Morocco, these men are seen as a nuisance. As a strain on an already flagging economy.
Anyway, I just want to thank you for reminding me of the truth of the matter.

RossClark1981 wrote 525 days ago

Well, if this isn't in print I don't hold out much hope for the rest of us. The writing is so smooth and has a poet's precision to it - there's not a single word out of place. The portayal of the characters is so spot on that they seem to enter fully formed.

Books that deal with migration will generally focus only on what happens to the characters once they end up in their destinations with the journey and reasons for leaving mentioned only briefly. So it's incredibly original and engaging to follow the characters as they leave home and to find out from them what drove them to do so.

I started to get a bit of a jones for Adebayo's demon when he didn't appear for a while after Lagos and was delighted to see him turn up again so I suspect he might be my favourite character. I liked that there's no need to account for him being there - he just is - and that he demonstrates how our demons are so much more articulate than our better angels.

I'm 14 chapters in and have decided to ration myself to one a day from now on so I can draw it out a bit.

This will stay backed for a good while. Please let me know if your book on the Russian front appears here!

Ross

Richard Allen wrote 765 days ago

Sirocco Express is an amazing story told by a truly gifted writer. The only problem is we will all have to wait until some smart publisher puts the entire book on a shelf at our local bookstore. A brilliant piece of work!

abimbola wrote 775 days ago

Oh my goodness... let me rub my eyes... Are you Nigerian? Did you live in Nigeria in a previous life? What amazing writing.. what talent.. what... I am gushing, and rightly so.

I doff my hat... Please teach me how you do it.

Regards,
A Nigerian humbled by this excellent work, Abi Dare

R. Dango wrote 94 days ago

Just joined the community today, and what a luck to come across with this! I've read straight through chapter 8 and now I am hooked. I feel like Adebayo myself sitting in the battered microbus excited and nervous, starting the adventurous trip. Can't wait to see what's coming next.

TMTHOMSON wrote 310 days ago

You have an easy and readable writing style. Backed 5 stars, good luck. Wd be grateful if u cast an eye over my book thanks. TM Kiss the Candle Goodnight.

sweet honey wrote 357 days ago

The first chapter is so powerful, you want to continue reading and reading - and reading, which I'm definitely going to do. Could the change in his mother be the reason Adebayo decides to leave home? I can feel his pain, and I hope to experience his joys and triumphs as well.

Margaret Woodward wrote 364 days ago

Hi Tony, I had Sirocco Express on my watchlist so read the first chapter. The wonderfully fluid, immaculate writing made me decide to star and set aside for further reading, but I shall also put your Russian story on my watchlist too. The quality of the writing alone tempts me.

My only worry about SE is the 77,000 wordage. It is a big and deep subject and I wonder if some publishers might think it rather short - but if you feel it is the length it is meant to be and changing would upset the overall balance, leave it! If feels to me that it is ready to go to an agent. Good luck with it. Will be back later with the other book.

Margaret Woodward

Orlando Furioso wrote 371 days ago

Mate, what the hell's happening. You have a cracking story and it is going in the wrong direction. I want to be your friend and see your story rise as it deserves. Yet you are reticent. I backed you on the way up in the opposite direction and wld happiley back your story again. But you are silent, o so silent. There has to reciprocity, sir. Stroke my feathers or damn my eyes.

Orlando the impertinent.
WATCHING SWIFTS

Kari2010 wrote 374 days ago

Tony,
This book had been recommended to me a while back and I don't know how I somehow lost track of it.
I whizzed through chapter one, with little Adebayo witnessing his mother's apparent healing by the reverend. You tell the story in such a gripping manner that the reader is at once immersed into the world you've painted. I was at once in their house feeling the tension of a father and son over a wife and mother's spiritual disappearance after the loss of a son. This kind of literature is so addictive and I can't wait to read on ... so on I go ... to chapter 2

Love this going to church scene and Adebayo's realization that his family' history could be divided into two distinct periods - B.C and A.D .. .LOL. and he feels nostalgia for the B.C era. That really captures a teenagers mindset. I remember a time when my parents were very relaxed about church and then later becoming super vigilant about it and I felt a sense of loss of that former free spirited parents - the laid back ones. and i relate well with Adebayo given that like his family mine is Anglican too. tee hee. I'm much older now and the A.D. era works fine but there was that time when all things church did come in the way of my idea of the good life.

Chapter 4: where Miriam says "I think you'd better master standing up before you graduate to dancing" had me cracking up! oh, i do really love this story. It reminds me of the book "I Do Not Come To You By Chance" by Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani ... that book had me cracking up all the way. Bayo reminds me of the protagonist in that book - Kingsley. They have similar issues re their parents. Kingsley's dad was also a teacher who lost his job and were living on a paltry pension and Kingsley like Bayo too was an Engineering student. Both of them have this problem to solve of life at the fringes of adulthood. So interesting.

Okay back to reading ...
Oh no she didnt! LOL oh, I'm besides myself, Miriam is animatedly telling her friends of how Adebayo gets thrown out ... oh, I'm embarrassed for him. poor chap. lol. you really are a fabulous story teller. i'm just loving this. Why not submit to the same agents that Adaobi uses? She was published by Hyperion. Just a thought (as you see Its a stream of consciousness review going on here ... hope its not too distracting).

Mothers are so intuitive. plus they hear a lot. So she's been hearing that Bayo drinks until he falls over. how embarrassing .. oh boy, his life is eventful.

I love his Pros and Cons list .. especially the one where he has this option to travel clandestinely and the con is "high probability of failure" ...

Okay, I'll stop writing here and continue reading. If anything urgent jumps at me I'll let you know but for now all I can say is I can't wait to see this published.

You have made my evening with this wonderful story.
My best wishes for its publication
Kari

amadeusbach wrote 413 days ago

I like your first few chapters. I'm not going to try and critique it or anything; I don't know enough about the story yet to tell how good it is. I'll just say that it's well written enough for me to want to read more, and your pitch was excellent. Bye...

Orlando Furioso wrote 417 days ago

I read a couple of chapters a couple of months back but never heard back from you. I wld read more because I enjoyed what I read, but being a frail and egotistical human being I need my feathers stroking ... even if you don't mean it. Blunt I own, but I do want to read more, sir.

Laurence Howard wrote 420 days ago

Excellent! Great adventure skilfully written with all the ingredients for a best seller. Opens up a new world for the reader. Captivating and intriguing.
Backed.
Laurence Howard, The Cross of Goa

J.Kinkade wrote 428 days ago

Sorry, Tony. I've been having to swap some books. But you are next for the full 24. I promise.

J.Kinkade wrote 430 days ago

Looks like a very interesting read and I do love trains! On my WL and I hope to take a peek very soon. Love your pitch.
J. Kinkade

Frank James wrote 433 days ago

Hi Tony,

I lifted your book by mistake but it's a mistake I do not regret. Very smoothly written and I think it's one that should be published. I'm BACKING and STARRING your book and wish you all the best for the future.

Frank James (The Contractor)

Francene Stanley wrote 436 days ago

On the second reading, I discovered some wonderful turns of phrase. Chapter two this time.

Nits:
...'teenager's bed''... in my opinion doesn't work. I'd leave out teenager's. The word is mentioned later in the paragraph and you don't want to rub the reader's face in it.

The early part of the chapter, Bayo's thoughts, are full of 'was' sentence constructions. I know they're okay in thoughts, but I think you could reword on several occasions to make the writing smoother.

What does Bayo really want? And what will he do if he doesn't get it? If these questions were answered, it would drive the story forward. At the moment, he's pretty passive. Show us how he longs to read every waking moment. Then show us how his ordinary Sunday differes from his hopes and dreams.

I hope my thoughts have helped you.

Francene. Still Rock Water.

writingbear wrote 449 days ago

Tony,
This morning I backed SIROCCO EXPRESS. If you could take a look at either of my novels, DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS or MY GENTLEMAN FRIEND it would be appreciated very much.

Thank you,

Dwain-Thomas

writingbear wrote 449 days ago

Tony,
This morning I backed SIROCCO EXPRESS. If you could take a look at either of my novels, DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS or MY GENTLEMAN FRIEND it would be appreciated very much.

Thank you,

Dwain-Thomas

GillC wrote 460 days ago

Gripping and engaging, this is incredibly well written. Will continue to read and back.

Sheloveswords wrote 460 days ago

This book is what a book should be. Without casting aspersions on some of the other efforts on this site, this is the needle in the haystack. I meant to read 6 chapters, I ended up reading 24. Bayo's journey is so real and so painful, it entrances the reader.
This book is Important. You have highlighted a truth of this world often overlooked. The brutality and suffering so many experience only to live on the fringes of our glittery society with illegal immigration statuses. To wash our dishes and pick our produce. Its a world that we can't even imagine but it's right under our noses. For myself personally, living in Rabat Morocco, when you said 500 miles to the nearest pharmacy, I thought, "Oh my God, this is happening 500 miles away from me." I can tell you right now, I'll have a hard time brushing off the next African beggar who approaches me in the souk. In Morocco, these men are seen as a nuisance. As a strain on an already flagging economy.
Anyway, I just want to thank you for reminding me of the truth of the matter.

Rhonda9080 wrote 460 days ago

Good luck with your run for the editor's desk, per previous ratings and comment - I love this book!

Ivan Amberlake wrote 461 days ago

Tony,

With the language unblemished, I find nitpicking “Sirocco Express” would be the most unrewarding pastime, it could only cause harm to the story.
The pace is too slow for me, but that’s how you immerse the reader into the world of Adebayo. The book is written in a more classical style, which I am more accustomed to, since I am a non-native speaker. I read the first two chapters and didn’t notice it.
Thumbs up and keep going like this!

Ivan
The Beholder

Ditzydana wrote 463 days ago

I don't normally like books like this... but it's one I'd mak an exception to! Good job!

Jo Tampoco wrote 465 days ago

I've just dipped in so far but this is just to say this is one I will be coming back to. Strong yet effortless style. Can't wait to meet the demon.

Winnie Khaw wrote 467 days ago

You have a beautiful writing style, very intense, and the first chapter I read is touchingly sad.

cindergirl6 wrote 468 days ago

Hi there! I am pretty new to this site and I wanted to introduce myself. I was also, of course, wanting to see if you would consider my book for reading. I look foward to making new "like-minded" friends on this site. People who love reading and writing...and just books in general. My book is set in the Civil War period and is a family saga. A lot of research had been poured into this book, including traveling to places mentioned in the book. The details surrounding the fictioanl family are correct down to the town they live in and their neighbors. Let me know what you think!

I have just started reading Sirocco Express and let me just say that I am very impressed. I, of course, will comment further when I have read more, but I love your hook...you do an excellent job with drawing the reader into this world you've created. More to come and exciting read!

Aimee

Rhonda9080 wrote 469 days ago

Amazing prose, very meaty without being overdone. One of the best novels I've read on this site, and there are many quality writers! I'm quickly in the mind and world of Adebayo, and have no issues with being jerked out of the story by something that seems to westernized to fit with the character. I honestly have no criticism. This should be published, and I rated it 6 stars, because I don't see how it could be improved on (in my very humble opinion). I'm putting on the watchlist, soon to be on the bookshelf. I'' be proud help this one make to the editor's desk.

jlbwye wrote 477 days ago

The opening scene has me wondering - where are we? Surely not in Africa, where there are many skyscrapers in cities, but few double-story homes ... but I've not been to Nigeria, so I dont know.
What an endearing thought - wondering if Bandele would always be two years old.
Your prose is impeccable, and I look forward to reading more about Adebayo's adventures, and am putting you on my wish list.
Meanwhile, from the heights of your talent-spotting status, I wonder if you might take a look sometime at a different view of Africa - from the east side?
Jane (Breath of Africa)

AJ-Vosse wrote 477 days ago

Hi Tony,

I seem to be drawn to the African tales... I must be missing the place. I have enjoyed the bits I've had time to read so far and will definitely continue going back for more. May I enquire if you will be doing one of your infrequent book shelf reshuffles in the near future? If not, would you think of having a look at another African tale... I could do with your highly valued opinion.

Kind Regards,
AJ

Robert Urbanek wrote 478 days ago

I think you need in the first two chapters to establish more "local color": details that clearly establish the Nigerian locale: more physicial descriptions of the environment.

Nigel Fields wrote 487 days ago

Tony,
From the well-phrased first line, this story immersed me in its rich tale. I so enjoyed getting to know Adebayo. My mouth shuddered in pain when his mother ate the hot wax. I like that you have the boy reading such fine classics. I could find nothing to crit. Even if there was a flaw here, I was so enjoying the read, I wouldn't want to stop to consider a fault. This will surely succeed. I hope to reach such a standard some day. Thank you for messaging me. Reading the first several chapters made for a pleasant afternoon. 6 Stars easily and WL'd.
Cheers,
John B Campbell (Walk to Paradise Garden)

rb101182 wrote 490 days ago

Interesting pitch... on my W/L to read...

Rachel

JP Behrens wrote 492 days ago

I have to say, this is a great book. I like the prose, the dialogue, even the pacing seems perfect. My only concern is that in the first few chapters, I don't get a sense of where the book is going. I haven't finished it yet, I will, as I assume there will be a pay off. But this is very well written and I look forward to reading more of it.

JP Behrens wrote 492 days ago

I have to say, this is a great book. I like the prose, the dialogue, even the pacing seems perfect. My only concern is that in the first few chapters, I don't get a sense of where the book is going. I haven't finished it yet, I will, as I assume there will be a pay off. But this is very well written and I look forward to reading more of it.

Wilma1 wrote 497 days ago

Happy to re back this excellent book. I usually hate books where I struggle with the pronunciation of names but your story overshines any of my usual nits. You have a great writing tallent and a very strong and commanding writers voice. This could easiliy be adapted for a movie.
Sue
Knowing Liam Riley

Marita A. Hansen wrote 497 days ago

Chapter 9: Still enjoying your story. Good descriptions of the settings with the traveling, and the checkpoint bribe was a nice touch. The scenes at Papa Tchane's place were good, getting to know Chikae the Younger. I like him, but I've got a feeling of foreboding. Odion is such a shifty character, something is bound to go badly, and in getting to know of nice secondary characters like this younger man, I don't want him getting hurt. I know Adebayo will be alright because he's a main character, but Chikae the Younger... I'll read on to see if he makes it through.

The first distinctive signs of real trouble with the bus needing fixing, and the travellers having to stay an extra night, doesn't look good for Odion's customers. The noises in the barn and Adebayo's dream is also troublesome. Is it really an animal making those noises? I've got a bad feeling...which makes me all the more curious. Makes me look forward to chapter 10 all that more.

-Marita. P.S. As usual, I didn't spot any typos.

lucy.leid wrote 497 days ago

Hi Tony -
I just read your first few chapters and the last few chapters - amazing voice. You do what not a lot of writers remember to do, and that's to speak through the character in his own voice. It was particularly touching to me because I knew a lot of migrants from west Africa in Sweden, who were working very hard to attend school and make a life. Your written thought process of list-making and goals was both heartwarming and heartbreaking - because I do the same thing and it made me really connect with your character. Definitely deserves publication. Best of luck.

Caroline Hartman wrote 499 days ago

Tony,
I understand why I see this on a number of shelves, and it will eventually get to mine. I like the economy with which you write--you don't waste a word. I can tell, too, that you've created phrases like a sculpter chips marble. Your story comes through with quiet dignity and sweet innocence. When the mother grabbed the candle my heart about stopped. I'm going to shelve this and read more. In just one chapter you've made me really think about my beliefs.
Caroline
Summer Rose

J.S.Watts wrote 500 days ago

Smooth, fluid prose and much evidence of a skilled writing hand at the tiller.

So much has been said about this that I am having problems finding anything constructive to add. All I can offer up is my observation that the opening chapter was dramatic and intriguing and a compelling read, but that I found the pace slowed down a little after that and, because the pitch talks about human trafficking, I found myself becoming impatient to get to that part of the story. Perhaps with a slightly different pitch I would have been more content to enjoy the excellent prose without constantly straining forward for something else.

J.S.Watts
A Darker Moon

Marita A. Hansen wrote 500 days ago

Chapter 8: Another good chapter wth Adebayo leaving on the bus. As usual, it was nicely structured, with the introduction of the "Magnificent Seven" and each of their personalities. What stood out the most about this chapter was the settings as they travelled out of town, and through grasslands, and the check point. (No doubt some of the cost of the journey was for these bribes.) I also liked the inclusion of the night sounds, which added to the location you're portraying.

Adebayo's thoughts about how his family would react was a nice touch at the bottom, and the last line reiterating my earlier thoughts about how he left without owning up to what he was going to do. But, he's still a likeable character, and it's a realistic flaw.

Until next time - Marita.

Bradley Wind wrote 501 days ago

Sirocco Express

Tony, for the life of me I can't recall if I've read this yet or not...but I've had it on my WL and so I'm giving it another go. Hope you don't mind a repeat, if this is indeed one.

COVER: I wish we had the option to view larger...I can't make out what is on it, beyond "illustration". The font is legible but doesn't really grab me...Wish your name wasn't on the illustration. Let me know if I can help you out.
TITLE: Good.
SHORT PITCH: pretty good...not quite as magnetic as it might be? but I think it works.
LONG PITCH: Hm, I think that the second paragraph isn't really adding to the "sell" like it might....could possibly even do without? The rest is good.
TEXT: I'm lame at crit so please excuse...and possibly ignore it altogether but definitely only take it as one readers opinion.This is good. You've really got me interested/liking Adebayo. The witnessing of the candle wax eating...gah, really well done... probably not a big deal but I prefer Arial for online reading. Its easier on the eyes and why most websites default to it, or something similar. flew through chapter 2. Enjoying this as well, and happy to see it moving towards the travel...not sure about the easy snake skin analogy use at the end...hm,...not sure its necessary but I'd hoped the travel would really get going in this chapter.
I've very much enjoyed what I've read of this Tony.
Some excellent poetry scattered throughout....and I really like Adebayo...that's huge to me...most of the time ,if I'm not attracted to an mc, I won't bother with continuing.
Best of luck Tony!
-=Bradley

briantodd wrote 502 days ago

First we follow bookish Adebayo's Nigerian childhood through his choice of reading.Treasure Island aged seven, then Conrad, Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky. It is soon clear that depth of characterisation, a la Dostoyevsky is going to be the hallmark of this tale of a journey. We are aware from the pitch that the trip is a success, albeit enigmatically on the MC's 'own terms'. I wondered if giving the end away too soon was a mistake but of course he hasn't really told us how it ends. 'Bayo' grows up but becomes disillusioned with Lagos life and after a vivid encounter with a 'demon' (who keeps returning) his approach to life changes. This is an inner demon, reflective of his inner psychological turmoil, albeit given a physical presence. It appears at specific moments, tends to criticise him, but also drives him on. Shades of Dostoyevsky again perhaps? He sets out the options, guided by his demon, of how to get to London, a city he is attracted to through his reading. An argument with his father and then overhearing Miriam, a girl he admires, make fun of him are the final straw. Soon he meets Odion and Dele, professional (and rather scary) people smugglers and is on his way. We get to know his disparate bus companions through their personal stories as well as the geography and peoples of the upper half of Africa as the bus trip continues. I was initially puzzled by the attractiveness of such an arduous journey to become an illegal immigrant in London, as opposed to being a university educated Nigerian with a future (despite his and his fathers current problems and the corruption endemic in the country). The further we travel however the more I realise that this is not a voyage with Pirate Treasure or other Priceless Goal as it its aim. It is a Voyage and Return. It is the story of Adebayo gaining a brain, courage and heart just as Dorothy, bored with Kansas, did on her trip to Oz. He'll get there and be transformed by the experience before realising that there is 'no place like home'. The Author, apart from the strong characterisation of all the principals has written a number of emotionally charged and gripping scenes. His fathers acknowledgement of his departure, Adebayo's discovery and rescue of two captive children, a number of dramatic sequences in the saharan desert, particularly with a bunch of Touareg bandit's, are all done with flare. Adebayo is in receipt of the famed hospitality of the Berber people when he is rescued after a savage beating. We finally leave him and the friends he has made (on what has been uploaded) as the boat they have hired smashes into the rocks on the European coast. Symbollically, its millenium eve and Adebayo is uncertain who has survived the boat's sinking.This book stands comparison with Chris Cleaves 'The Other Hand' which also related the experience of an illegal Nigerian immigrant ( little bee) although the two tales differ greatly in many other aspects. As for the 'Sirocco Express', this is the name 'Chikae the elder', one of his fellow travellers, gives the truck they switch to when they attempt the Sahara crossing. The author has a lot of threads to resolve in the portion of the book he has not yet uploaded and a final judgment of this dramatic tale will have to await the journeys conclusion. My only quibbles were that often there was no feeling in the dialogue that these were Africans speaking. It all sounded 'too English'. Also, the excerpts from Femi's guidebook and diary were packed with information but some of this may have been better conveyed in dialogue and some was probably not necessary. Also occasionally, particularly in the case of the two girls walking in the desert, people seemed to unburden themselves succinctly of their live stories on first acquaintance which didnt feel right. However these are minor quibbles in a compelling saga. Adebayo is a brilliant MC.

Marita A. Hansen wrote 504 days ago

Chapter 7 is a sad chapter. Sad in the sense that Adebayo left without telling his parents what he was doing. Also a bit cowardly, but realistic in that he probably wanted to get away without being stopped--avoiding the arguments that would've come with it. The fact his parents knew something was up was also realistic. His father throwing out the money showed how well he knew his son.

Adebayo is right in the sense of the two smugglers' shady characters. He is putting himself into a lot of danger, but for me this is just another hook, enticing me to read on. Sorry, I'm going to be a pest and comment on all your chapters as I'm enjoying this. This story should be higher up the ranks, especially since it's not a book I'd typically be attracted to. My taste are usually gangster books and paranormal romance. It just shows that a good story can break through preferences.

Also, it's a pleasure not being pulled up on grammatical issues, because these things pull the reader out of the story. Instead, your chapters so far are highly polished.

- Marita.

Marita A. Hansen wrote 505 days ago

I might actually finish this one. A rarity for me to say. Just breezed through chapters 4-6. Adebayo is quite a fascinating character. His escapade at the bar was amusing, and nicely told, then the follow-up of Miriam’s slight: another reason to get out town. I found it funny when his mum mentioned someone had seen him at a bar, and his retort that they mustn’t be a reliable source. The reference to a knock-out when she replied that it was the reverend was apt. His argument with his father was nicely done. The conflict between the two natural, and also fitting for this stage in Adebayo’s life. He’s questioning things, he wants to take control of his life, and needs to break free from the family fold.

Adebayo’s demon is interesting. A cocktail of alcohol and desire mixed into a dialogue of greed. I thought their conversations, always at the bar, flowed well and showed Adebayo’s need for so much more than what he has. An internal monologue made external through alcohol. I can see him moving further away from his mother’s church and his education. But then again, the church never factored to start with. However, I still have a feeling it may have a lasting affect on the way he handles things in the future. Be interesting to see whether I'm wrong or right.

His need to see the world is by far the strongest element of Adebayo’s desires, way more so than Miriam. However, he does show responsibility in the sense of wanting to send back rebates to his family. Good character building.

The introduction of the human traffickers sets up a great hook. It’s rather ominous. –Marita.

Marita A. Hansen wrote 505 days ago

Sirocco Express: Chapters 1 -3. The introduction to Adebayo’s background, the tension and sadness within this significant turnabout in his life was well portrayed in chapter 1. The results from the death of his younger brother as seen through Adebayo’s eyes was nicely done; via his spying in on his mother and the reverend. The way in which she didn’t receive any food, only accepting water, her sitting in the chair staring blankly with her sunken eyes, all conveyed the immense grief of a mother. The reverend (I don’t know what denomination he is) in a way came across almost like a Catholic priest (although he can’t be if he’s a reverend) exorcising Adebayo’s mother’s demons. The way she demanded food out of the blue and started eating the wax also highlighted this. In a way you could say she saw the light with the candle :)

This significant and far reaching moment in Adebayo’s family’s life affects his teenage years in chapter two with him begrudgingly going to church, and his wistful memories of his mother B.C. You got his attitude spot on. As a teenager I begrudgingly trotted after my mother into church, and did anything but listened to the priest: why look at the priest when there was an interesting boy a few pews down? Well, you seemed to have captured this through Adebayo’s thoughts: the people there to character assassinate each other, talking about cars rather than religion, etc. Like me, the adults in your story’s church were doing anything but what they should have.

Again, Adebayo is eavesdropping, this time overhearing his parents talk worriedly about his father’s job. His concern over his education going rather than his father being able to pay the bills and put food on their table aptly captured a teen’s centre of the world attitude. It's what is important to him that matters here, rather than what's important to the whole family. Then he goes and skips class. Well, to give him credit, it wasn’t a pleasant thing to overhear, and would be very worrisome.

The surreal dreams were nicely done, the strange little boy hiding in the closet and the man with the machete, then the other one, going from the Russian, Pole, Englishman, etc. Another significant reference in his life? A foretelling of what’s to come?

So far what I have read is nicely structured and flowed well. The 3 chapters ran from one onto the other without hitches, the background slotted in well between action and thought. I didn’t noticed any grammatical issues, and sentence structure and word use fitted the story. The only thing that pulled me up, and this is so silly to even mention, is the first main paragraph in chapter two where you tell the reader Adebayo is “lying on his teenager’s bed.” I’d take the "teenager's" out because you say he’s a teenager later on in the paragraph, plus it doesn’t seem to fit here. And, I’m not sure what a teenager’s bed looks like.

All up this is a nice lead in to Adebayo’s story, introducing the reader to him and setting the platform for the main body of the story mentioned in the synopsis. Before I sign off, I am very curious about the cover. What is it? It is very creepy. It reminds me of the images I saw in Art History. It was to describe the people/or creatures that lived beyond the civilised world, on the fringes. They were sometimes depicted with dog’s heads or deformed (at times headless), as in your image. It was during medieval times, when many areas were unchartered, and people’s fears of the unknown were relegated to superstition. Is it to convey Adebay's voyage/travel into areas that is foreign to him? Finding scary things beyond the safety of his home? That's my impression of the picture.

All the best for the new year – Marita.

grantdavid wrote 506 days ago

All Hail, Talent Master!
You have provided a model for all who wish to write whatever they wish.. The narrative is clean, terse, and flows along, reflecting essential nuances of character from a warm but anguished family. You have led me with dear, manly Adebayo up to the point of his dilemma and onward - dropping a tear like the sweet secret farewell gift from his father - to the torrential climax of his odyssey on the rocky shores of Spain.
All the stars light you on your way. A place awaits you on my Shelf.
I'd be honoured if you would look at another kind of escaper, my Jess Bowmaker.
David Grant
"Pompey Chimes"

SamTh wrote 506 days ago

To echo some of the other comments below, it’s a touch dispiriting that you haven’t found representation yet for prose of this quality. The style is elegant and well controlled; clearly you have the talent to produce the verbal flourishes but mostly prefer to exercise restraint, which is how I like it, both as a reader and writer. The setting and characters are rounded and engaging, and the psychological insights are penetrating (“Away from the moderating influence of the church on the hill, he knew they would soon be sharpening their knives for each other”), rather in the tradition of the Russian writers that you mention.
I’ve read the first three chapters, all of equally high quality. It would be hard to improve on the style or characterisation. In terms of structure, my initial impression is that perhaps you could get into the journey more quickly and feed in some of the build-up as flashback; but I wouldn’t offer that as a firm opinion because I haven’t read enough of the book yet. More importantly, the material and the quality of material are clearly there, so that if you or a publisher wanted to mould the story slightly differently, I'm sure you could do that pretty easily.
I really enjoyed what I read, and it’s a pleasure to back this, regardless of your status as a talent spotter! Best of luck with it and your Russian novel.
Sam Thorne
(The Oligarch)

Steven Wyatt wrote 512 days ago

I found it easy to identify with the character of Bayo - his early obsession with books, his drinking, the 'demonic possession' that drives him away from home and into the great unknown. I became completely involved in his journey, both in its literal and allegorical sense. For here, of course, we have the classic 'voyage' story arc, where a difficult and dangerous journey under compulsion (by that inner demon) represents a process of inner spiritual and emotional development. I was sorry Bayo was left on the beach - I wanted to carry on journeying with him. In itself that demonstrates that you have achieved success with the story - you have thoroughly engaged the (well, certainly this) reader. All the characters are fully-fleshed and convincing, but Bayo is the most realised of all because one is aware that he is changing with every experience. He is totally human; he lives. I want to know what happens to him. It is apparent that you have done an enormous amount of research, though the writing wears its background knowledge easily and never labours the point. If I have a criticism it is this: I feel that there is leakage from Bayo's PoV into the narrator's. Bayo's thought processes are influenced by his love of Dickens and those wordy Russians, resulting in a rather circumlocutory inner dialogue - actually the most engaging and endearing aspect of his character. He has a rich vocabulary, to be sure, and a love of rolling, swirling sentences. To me, this means that the narrator's voice can afford to step back a pace, become more drily objective and allow Bayo room to be the wordsmith. Permit him his inner eloquence; it's not a competition. Having said that, the book is backed on my sole criterion of 'Would I buy this?' Yes I would.

Mike Kavanagh wrote 513 days ago

Hi Tony,

I've enjoyed reading the opening to your novel, although the genre is not one that I would usually entertain, because you have the style of a storyteller. The pace of the writing, the vocabulary and the turn of phrase are used to great effect.

There are a lot of novels on this site based on fantastic ideas but without the writing talent to communicate them effectively. You have that gift, and as a result you are able to communicate your ideas clearly and in an engaging manner.

For now I have rated and shelved your book, but more importantly I will be returning later to read on.

Best of luck with this,
MK

EMDelaney wrote 514 days ago

After I wrote you the pm I was curious so I flipped open Sirocco Express to take a look. I'll be damned! My friend, you are one talented writer. As I indicated, I probably won't get the chance to go in-depth on it until January but I have backed it based solely on what I read in a three chapter scan. Even with what little I did read i can predict this one is a winner! 6 stars.

Full review to follow later.

Emmett
(E M Delaney)
--THE VIRUS
--MIRACLE IN THE SWAMP
(both posted here on Authonomy)

Coming Soon:
THE WRITE-IN

Charles Thompson wrote 514 days ago

I just finished ch.3

I continue to enjoy this novel. I noticed in one sentence you wrote 'something was scratching at the window" when you could write "something scratched at the window" but perhaps you used the passive structure for effect.

Regardless, in my humble opinion, you write very well and I like Adebayo.

Best,

Rob

Charles Thompson wrote 517 days ago

Just finished Ch. 2.

The length of these chapters is divine. More importantly, after only two chapters, you have developed likable, three dimensional characters. Indeed, in Adebayo you have painted the bookish eldest child with misgivings about church and disdain for the adults' superficial preoccupations. And you have illustrated the sensible father who goes to church not because of his devotion to the Lord but because of his devotion to his wife. Also, father encourages his son's independent thinking and intellectual curiosity. How could the reader not cheer for them with whatever is to come? (and we know that Bayo seeks adventure even though he has enough self-awareness to recognize the unlikelihood of him ever having one).

What's more, the prose is sharp and the observations are keen. I love the line about befrocked and besuited bottoms on pews as well as the line about wayward reluctance to be plucked from the darkness. The banter about Conrad did a nice job painting the relationship between Bayo and his dad. This novel continues to impress.

Charles Thompson wrote 517 days ago

I am so glad that I discovered SIROCCO EXPRESS during the holidays, when I have a bit of free time to read and relax. The pitch drew me in and the opening chapter is excellent. In the first few paragraphs, you paint believable characters and set a detailed stage and introduce us to the stress that Adebayo and his family endure because of his mother's ailment. You ably capture the sensibilities of Adebayo, who is no longer a child, yet not quite a man, pretending to go up the stairs so that he might learn more of his mother's situation. Moreover, you inject intrigue with mother's miraculous, mysterious recovery, so that I want to turn pages. Furthermore, the prose is technically sound, so I'm not hung-up on or otherwise delayed by grammatical errors or typos as I find is so often the case here on Authonomy. I am off to Ch.2 now, but I wanted to pause to back and comment. Keep up the excellent work. Merry Christmas.

Kind regards,

Rob
(Aralen Dreams)