The Piazza

this is funny, interesting, imaginative, so well writen, enjoyable read.

Curious, it reads as if we're about to go into zombie territory in a supernatural tale that is for once based somewhere other than America but this evolves iinto a rivetting tale of human needs that are often diminished with fame and fortune and the loneliness it can bring. Overweight people aare usually comedy fodder in tales like this so good choice in making her like this. Her new love is almost a guiding light in all this chaos around her, grounding her back into real life and showing her the true meaning of life.

This is a fascinating tale, and your characters immediately bring empathy out in the reader. The writing has clever observational wit to it, and brings along the narrative well. There are some technical weaknesses, for instance there are a number of passages in which almost all the sentences begin with pronouns. This causes a lot of sameness in the sentence structure; if you recast most of them, your writing will become more dynamic. Also, there seems to be some editing glitches: "He lay helmet turned away." in the first chapter. But those things are easily fixed. Overall this is quite good and I'm happy to back it for you.
Craig
The Job

Hilary -

The Piazza - what a hilarious beginning, followed by many memorable images, one after the other. Maria's mother already entertained the Piazza when her Scottish husband left ... 'I spit on ... ' She had slammed the shutters with such emotion and force that the plaster around the light fitting had fallen into the baby's cot. Pale skinned Maria had turned white under the dust ...The story has a wonderful surreal feel to it, addictive.

Backed with pleasure. Pia (Course of Mirrors)

The Piazza has an enchanting feel to it, along with lovely, dry, touches of humour.. I can't wait to read past the first few chapters as the premise promises some jaunty adventures.. Backed and best wishes

A rather amusing premise rendered with a delicate descriptive hand. You have a nice pattern to your writing it has a good beat. If I was to offer something in the way of criticism I would say it was a little slow in places and I found some sentences unnecessary, re-enforcing something already said or hinted at or just unnecessary detail. But over all a good read hence my earlier backing of it.
David
Bailey of the Saints

Hi
Maria is a likable yet flawed character. Good dialogue but not enough of it. There is a lot of introspection and back story which slow the pacing of the story. A good edit will make this shine.
All the best with this.
cheers olga

A beautiful descriptive opening gently pulls us into this lyrical tale. Your writing is strong and detailed. Maria is likable - faults and all. I would agree that you have more than one missing comma in the text. That is easily fixed by an attentive editor.
Well written and enjoyed!
Backed,
Ellen (Thoughts of a Teenage Girl)

Ms Waters, your first two chapters are a smooth read. Good mix of narrative and dialogue. My only insignificant nit is the missing comma in the second sentence of the first paragraph. ....bells, which hung underneath the wooden canopy (insert comma here) jingled...

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spooon Effect)

definatly one of the most idyllic novels, and i'm glad my own mother wrote it. what an honor. and as the book goes, stunning setting, captivating charaters and an inspiring read

This has been on my WL for a while; so glad I finally got around to reading it. The opening description is immediately gripping -- it raises so many WHY questions. Maria herself -- I can just picture her at the piazza, imagining the knights, hoping, hoping, hoping... Love the setting, too (although I'm biased -- mine is a French village). Nice all around.

Dana L.
The Book of Lucas

This is a good read. I lived overtop of a bakery when I was first married so I understand the sensation of waking up to bread baking. At the end of the day the baker brought my wife and I left over donuts and Neopolitans. If I had stayed in the apartment much longer, I would have been as overweight as Maria. You do a wonderful job describing her and the inconvenience she feels being so overweight. Your descriptions of this small Italian town ring true. I feel as if I've been there. Backed. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

This is a most unusual book!
Maria is nearly overdrawn as a grotesque, when she strides statuesquely into the street.
Equating the townswomen's appetite for holiness with Maria's appetite for food is brilliant. Gluttons for God!

When Maria's knight fights for the third time, she "hid her hands." I believe something got lost in the editing.
Shouldn't this be "hid her face in her hands"?

The description throughout is, of course, superb.

Wendy Bertsch
(Once More...From The Beginning)

I am a reader of romance but not literary fiction so much but this is stunning writing. Your narrative is simply wonderful and very character driven as literary should be.

I have nothing to add here but praise.

Superb.

Jo xx

Spoilt

Backed with pleasure! Joss M. (A Bore No More)

This was really good! Have to admit, I didn't know exactly what to expect from your pitch but it was pretty funny. You've got some great, vivid characters! Enjoyed this and couldn't find anything to nit (although I am no expert!)

Missy

A masterpiece of character description is the engine that starts a reader into the plot. It's easy to sympathize with the plight of the protagonist, that's what makes this work a great read. Backed Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

Very funny... I wish you the best of luck with your book. kind regards pinkcoffee 'In The Moment'

Your short pitch got me in one (although I didn’t know what to expect in the story). Your style of writing and your use of sensory-based language is very, very good. I prefer to get into dialogue early and back fill with introspection, but hey that’s my preferred style. Very good, verrrrrrry funny, very backed.

Famlavan – Museum of Old Beliefs

Willing suspension of disbelief problem. How does anyone who spends her day delivering cakes in a hill town town become that fat?

Your opening description really has me chuckling… it’s so dry I’m not even sure if humor was your intention, but it’s funny.

You could reduce the number of ‘had’s’ in your piece. “Once this leg had hit terra firma” can be changed to “Once this leg hit terra firma”. Any single instance of had – if the simple past can be used – is not a big deal, but a general reduction gives more life to your prose.

She scrabbled around for more, leaving the crumbs desolate and desiccated… it is not her act of grabbing up crumbs that makes them dry out. Perhaps this could be worded more clearly.

Your description of the family situation is a real draw. This will be interesting to readers.

I think you have a good set up here. I couldn’t help but chuckle, and yet I felt sympathy at the same time. That’s an accomplishment on your part. The prose is pretty good, with maybe a couple things here and there that could be cleaned up.

All in all, a very good read. Backed.

Hilary, I read the pitches and the opening chapter a few days ago and backed your book immediately. I've now read all your chapters and feel able to add comments. Very well constructed pitches entice the reader and I was captivated at once by the generously proportioned Maria. I love Italy, have spent a lot of time in the country, and this is a story that takes all the magical properties of a small Italian town and brings them to life.
I love your host of characters with their idiosyncratic ways and the story flows along beautifully. In chapter four - not a criticism but an observation; I would never presume to criticise this - you have Doctor Vincente arriving, having travelled from 'the end of civilisation' into 'no-man's land' you mention his height, 6'7'' ontwo occasions in quick succesion. Apart from the repetition, I'd suggest his height would be more suitably written as 'six feet, seven inches in height.'
Backed with admiration.
Jared
Mummy's Boy.

ok, i like this. you have a good story teling ability that pulls the reader along and maks them want to keep reading. and that's hard to do. good job, you have my support

backed

shah

Dear Hilary Waters,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. You have a charming premise, and I’m glad she may build a romance with a theology student trying to make religious sense of an apparent resurrection. Inherent in your pitch is a question of why she appeared to come back from the dead. I skipped to chapter five to cover less-traveled ground and was rewarded by Maria’s fear she’ll be attacked by the crowd’s mania. I’m worried about that English couple staying with them. Heehee, I wonder if every mother hopes her daughter will be resurrected one day. You make a wise choice making her reluctant to throw herself into sainthood, though I assume she will dabble in it later on.

I enjoyed your story. Bravo! Backed.

Best wishes,
Alan Marling

Hilary,
I'm often surprised to find books like this that have been around since last year and I've never seen. You need to get busy! heh.
Cover: I think your cover is good. I've been offering to do them for free...if you'd want something else let me know.
Pitches I love the short pitch...has an odd quirky humor. Long pitch: Less quirk and humor conveyed and now I'm wondering which this is? Still...attractive and appears compelling.
Text: to begin with talk of pastries is to win my heart immediately heh.
such a romantic outlook here... ohmy big girl...and that final fall...I can almost imagine the thud.
Wishing you the best with this Hilary!!
-=Bradley

This is very funny and entertaining. Backed with pleasure, Sana x

I liked this very much. It reminded me of a Felini film--lots of romantic fantasies taking place underneath the humiliating indignities of day-to-day life. Your characters are bizarre and the situations absurd, but somehow you make the reader care about these people. That is the key element in great satire, I believe. Nice job!
Niobrara Kardnova (The Trouble with wives)

This is truly wonderful writing and I find it hard to believe why this isn't higher in the charts.

A lovely book with stunning settings and a great storyline.

Happily shelved

Melxx
Impeding Justice

Hi,

I have backed your book because I found it eminently readable
but have to cover 25 books a day just to keep my place on here.
If you would like a more specific comment please return the favor.
Good luck with it.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes.

Backed January 16.

Jesse - Savant

http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=14062

Hi, Hilary. Pitch looks good. Read a bit of this and found your writing competent and easy to follow. Not far enough into to feel the story but I think you can carry it off. Backed

A lovely book., enjoyable and readable. Maria is such a strange heroine. At first, as she gets up by falling out of bed, and sliding downstairs, she is a laughable figure, but as she steps out proudly with the loaves, and even more as we are allowed inside her head to share her vision of the red and white knight, she suddenly becomes a real person, someone interesting, complex, easy to relate to. You bring all your characters vividly to life. Rico, addressing his wife Anna in his head as he pulls the bier to the hospital, is equally individual and alive. Maria's accident, happening as she attempts for the first time, with the picture of her father as encouragement, to walk down the stairs, is a shock, coming out of nowhere; and the use of the bier as the only practical form of transport available, and the Sister's mistake in directing them to a side room, which leads to the idea that Maria is dead, is both funny and believable. This is an outstanding story, and one which deserves to do well. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

This is a very good read! I am part way through but will probably read all that is here! I have to express gentle surprise at how easily and quickly it drew me in! Good work! rightly shelved!
Simon

Characterization and setting: so alive and fluid; has detail, depth and dimension. I was immersed to a point of complete familiarity. I felt at home reading this. And the gentle humor... the opening scene with Maria getting out of bed... dogs running between her mother's legs...(lol) I laughed and I loved it.

Emma Philips
The Dark Intruder

Hilary, interesting mother/daughter portrayal. You illustrate well how difficult life is not only for a grossly overweight girl but her mother as well. It's not hard for the reader to envision themselves inside Maria's body and mind. Backed.
Thomas J Winton
(Beyond Nostalgia)

A nice read. Well written, with vivid description and believable dialogue. Due to time constraints, i only read the first chapter, but it did compel me to read on.

BACKED

Hilary,
What an amazing tongue-in- cheek. story I now think I understand my Italian mother-in-law and my Italian son-in-law. They come from the minature world of the Piazzo. Your characterizations, your dialogue, Hilary, it is all done so well. Maria, the poor English girl, I know she'll be happy in the end. Best of luck. Reminds me of Chocolat. One suggestion, when you go into edit, prehpas change the font to something more easily readable such as Arial 12 pt. These screens make reading difficult. I'm happy to back this.
KC Hart
Summer Rose

I seem to be going through an Italian phase today! I'm all for knights in shining armour. I leave the nitpicks to others better qualified ie. they have spectacles that actually work! Did I like this? Yes, nice easy flow to it, just the job on a dark afternoon - thinking of sunnier climes and good company. Happy to back, Jim D Serpent's Blood

Who are you? This is fantastic! I love all stories about Italy, but apart from that this is brilliant. Fellini in prose. Gunter Grass in English. Unbelievable! I can tell you how much I loved this. Wow!!
Ruth
Amsterdam 2012

This has a lovely gentle humour. Reminds me of Chaucer in the range of characters and the light mockery.
Shelved.
Frank

This should NOT be slipping down the charts!...and that's not just because I'm Italian.
Backed.

This is truly delightful, Hilary. I was put in mind of a mix between Chocolat and Nicky Pellegrino's The Gypsy Tearoom.....but with more humour. I could see this making a great film as well as a fabulous book - it's very visual (in fact you evoke all the senses, so bringing the entire piece alive).
I agree with Paxie - I felt both sorry for Maria and also wanted to give her a slap and tell her to stop with the doughnuts and get a life (this is rich, given I have spent the last 35 years of my life on a diet!).
Sorry, nothing really useful by way of crit. Nothing really snagged at me or pulled up my read.
Just like it very much and very happy to back it.
Jane
WALKER

Hilary
I was concious of the word 'that' sprinkled here and there where is wasn't necessary

'that' is she ate enough
'that' any steps for her
'that' her mother had to fight for

You explain in great detail how awkward it is for Maria to get out of bed, and skim over her cleaning the icing from the floor....I'd split the description to make both actions equally difficult.....(my view only).... say less on the getting out of bed, and something about her cleaning the floor...

Half way through chapter one, Maria is waddling.....When I saw that, it tweeked my mind that we were 'overhearing' on her weight issue.....It was quite clear in my minds eye, I didn't much need reminding...

My mood swung between pity for Maria, and annoyance....which is a good thing, it shows you are able to get into the head of the reader.......

An enjoyable and well written mornings read......Best of luck with this......Backed

I think you have a very nice way with description and develop the story and characters well. My only thought is to watch for the use of "had" which tends to be overused by many of us writers when we aren't paying attention.

Hi Hilary!

I tried to leave a comment on this earlier, and got caught while the site was wonky! Suffice it to say, I really liked this book - you're a great writer, and I think you're off to a wonderful start to a romance novel. This is definitely something I would buy and enjoy!

Kim
Invisible Justice

A competent well written story line giving us a glimpse of life in warm and sunny Italy. Maria is remarkably appealing and Elena her mother a slightly sad. character that neverless raises amusement with the velcro knickers, andthe piped aroma to her daughter's bedroom. Original ideas. Backed as you know. Marion

Well, this is certainly different. It has the feel of a classic story that will lose none of its impact in 100 years time and meanwhile will be translated into many languages.. the appeal of the story is universal. Very well written, it had me both laughing and wincing at Maria's 'condition' at the same time. And I think it's that basic humanity in the story that makes it so appealing. Backed.

This is a very enjoyable and extremely well written read. Original and imaginative plot and style makes it a sure fire winner.

Andrew

This is an original first chapter and at times I didnt know whether to laugh or cry. Maria's life is a sruggle and you paint this very well but with a great touch of humour. You have a good style that lures in the reader. This is on my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)