A Teacher's Love Story

Hi Saby,
I really enjoyed reading your book. This is something I haven't really read about before so I'm glad I stopped by. Roosevelt is an endearing character, I liked him immediately - you portray him really well as a Math teacher with everything cut and dried. So, I was rooting for him, knowing that he was about to see that life has grey areas. This is well written and the story moves along at a good pace. I am keen to read more and see how the story unfolds. In the meanwhile, I have shelved it.
Best wishes,
Annabelle
(Would love your thoughts on Adelaide if you can ;-))

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Roosevelt. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

A teacher's love story
It's a good story, flows well too
Backed
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

hi Saby A TEACHERS LOVE STORY

A SEASON FOR EVERYTHING and as the pastor put it 'to everything there is a season. and the line as Roosevelt searches or begins to. 'your mist and gold'
elanor, this book of yours is a wonderful read so endearing, one to pull the strings from anyones heart as Roosevelt get a gift of a holiday; to the Banamas to find his bahama mama'
i have to admit because i wanted to read more of this intriguing story that i skipped to chapter 6 i think.
only for you to keep me in further suspese and wanting more
will read later because this is one great read
TOM BYE ' FROM HUGS TO KISSES' in fact would make a greart film with jack nicholson as roosevelt
PLEASE back /comment mind if you like it

You are totally fantastic, Saby! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my memoirs book? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

Dear Saby

Talent and skill have been shown with this book for sure. I have to wonder on this site at the creations that come from peoples heads and of course the immense talent of those like yourself to animate such colorful characters. I truly wish I had half your talent. I loved your short and long pitch both really sell your book which they are meant too so CONGRATS, and love the way you write. Your ability with words to craft an orginal read is amazing. the characters have decided to take up permanent residence but i will insist they leave soom to go home. ha!
Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also
the VERY best of luck to you

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Denise
The Letter

Dear Saby, I just read & commented on your other book & discovered this one, so read & am commenting on it. :) Another wonderful romance :) - maybe based on fact? :) I really liked the dancing together part :) - I love to dance. :) Great write. :) I'm backing this book, too. :) Could you please take a moment to back my memoirs book? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

Hi Saby,
Firstly, you write very professionally and well.
Roosevelt is a great character, well-depicted and consistent. An original romance, steady pace, intrigue, and a touch of 'Goodbye Mr. Chips' as he remembers his students and the old days. Great writing.
Backed with real pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Hi Saby,
I'm a former teacher and think you have captured your MC very well indeed. A lovely story of the pursuit of happiness and love in a complex world.
Backed with pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Great storyline with a mission to find an interesting person with life-changing results. Backed. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures) (Literary Agent Blues)

Love the characters!
You set Roosevelt so well with the description; it starts the process of making him live in the readers mind. You certainly know how to build character! However the thing that impressed me the most was the unhurried eloquence of your writing, it took the story along at a perfect pace for me. Up to meeting Gail however this is one to come back to. - Good luck with this!

A Teacher's Love Story
Saby Stone

Backed because I support fuly that all expense paid trip to the Bahamas - and hope Roosevel will find his Bahama Mama! Nice inspirational short pitch - "This beautiful, unique fictional love story is centered around a teacher’s search to find true love after he has retired from teaching." Indeed, I found what I read so far beautiful. "It's been a long and hot weekend for me. I'm sure that I'm ready for my new adventure in the Bahamas." Like Roosevelt, I'm ready too - so I'm definitely coming back to turn to chapter two very soon. By the way, Bahamians spell the Bahamas as The Bahamas - ("the" has a capital T (The) - someone tried to explain why to me some time ago, but I couldn't grasp it, so I won't attempt to explain it to you either - it'd be no good. Best wishes with your lovely, inspirational story. Happy to have given it a spin on my bookshelf.

A Teacher's Love Story
Saby Stone

Backed because I support fuly that all expense paid trip to the Bahamas - and hope Roosevel will find his Bahama Mama! Nice inspirational short pitch - "This beautiful, unique fictional love story is centered around a teacher’s search to find true love after he has retired from teaching." Indeed, I found what I read so far beautiful. "It's been a long and hot weekend for me. I'm sure that I'm ready for my new adventure in the Bahamas." Like Roosevelt, I'm ready too - so I'm definitely coming back to turn to chapter two very soon. By the way, Bahamians spell the Bahamas as The Bahamas - ("the" has a capital T (The) - someone tried to explain why to me some time ago, but I couldn't grasp it, so I won't attempt to explain it to you either - it'd be no good. Best wishes with your lovely, inspirational story. Happy to have given it a spin on my bookshelf.

Saby, this is an easy read well crafted and characters that pull the reader in. It does feel as if is peering through a window into the lives of your teacher and a job well done. I have not read it all so will put on my shelf and then WL to continue. BEST of luck with this and BACKED.
Would you read some of my work and comment, this will be much appreicated

Denise

I found the premise endearing, and the MC. Of course I'm rooting for him to find the best Mama Bahamas can rustle up. Your first para, particularly first sentence, needs a brush up. Throughout you weaken your writing by un-needed adverbs or carelessly chosen adjectives. Otherwise, a good first section and readable first section. BACKED Rosalind, Good for Him and Making It

As a former teacher of English and maths, Roosevelt struck a chord with me and I admired his honest passion for right and wrong answers when extended from maths to man. He is gradually built - both in the narrative observation of him and in the dialogue which mirrors his personality - as a likeable and well intentioned man.
As a Brit, your setting of Detroit as a vibrant city was an engaging excursion for me and, for all, it must surely evoke a sense of immediacy which allows the reader to feel a participant and share in the lives of your characters.
This, combined with an intriguing storyline as already set out in the synopsis, made me want to read on.

Backed.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

Wonderful, best of luck with it. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

Very nicely written. Your main MC Roosevelt is a character who is easy to bond with as a reader. There is a nice pace, didn't feel stilted or jarring at all. And the premise appears to be a good one.

The only thing that didn't sit right was 'mass majority' I don't think you need the mass here! IMHO

Happily shelved

Melxx

loved this! so well written and easy to read, I love Roosevelt, he's such an endearing character. I think you've done a wonderful job. Best of luck with this.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

I think this is a gorgeous book. Beautifully written, with lyrical prose, sharp dialogue and a very even pace. roosevelt is a wonderful character and as a teacher for twenty years, I can see why he feels the way he does. I couldn't find anything to nitpick so I will just say congratulations and wish you all the best.
Carl
The Time Hunters

Beware the pitch invader!
Being Authonomy's #1 common potato and professional spam doctor, trust me, you must master the basic technique of saying “SHELVED!” as often as possible in order to grab the new members. That's how one climbs in ranking - gathering exposure though comments won’t help better your novel but it certainly helps better your novel’s position.

I’m not interested in your comments on my book when you get the chance; all I want is your shelf.

Love Sooty Max.

You know: both these pitches actually do work for me. Being Authonomy's #1 commentator and amateur pitch doctor, trust me, you have mastered this basic sales technique to grab the casual reader. That's how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

Classically Inspirational...! Able to motivate the fire to begin burning in the coldest of hearts; An educated experience that reminds us about the countless lessons LOVE still teaches!

If ever there was a character you hope will find love, it's Roosevelt. A gorgeous story. Backed. Lynn

Saby, your first chapter reads well. This is a well-written piece of work. I have a couple minor nits, though. Terms like "tropic like" are usually written as "tropic-like." Also, don't forget your commas in direct address. I guess the few errors I spotted were typos. For instance: "Roosevelt (comma here) when you start teaching, some of the students that come to class..."


Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

I like books about older adults. Older characters tend to have so much more depth than young adults because they have so much more back story. Roosevelt is a good example of that. Making him a math teacher was clever. It gives him peculiar personality traits such as love for right or wrong answers and simple rules. Bottom line: this is a good read. I'm adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

backed with pleasure

alison

This si a beautifully rendered story about the simple things in life! Well crafetd and romantic and so polished - you have a gift for descriptive prose! BACKED without question!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Hi Saby, you wrote a very sweet story. This is a true love that everyone cannot miss it. I am happy to back your book. I will appreciate your thought on Bamboo Promise.

Saby,
What a beautiful memoir (fiction?) and tribute to those fantastic teachers that changed our lives. Mrs. Boone, my high school English teacher, had a huge impact on mine. In a nursing home, she was so thrilled to read my first novel and hand penned me a treasured letter before she died. My wife has been teaching for 30 years and I can't get her to retire. She has touched thousands of lives. Your story is well written and an alluring read. Good luck with it.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

A Teacher's Love Story...

Well, I think I'm in love with the author of this story because I have a feeling there's a lot of him in Roosevelt. I shall start tango lessons immediately. If you'll learn the salsa, we'd be dynamite!

Romances for mature adults are rare indeed, and this one promises to be very special. Gives me hope that it's not too late for one final romance in my life, and I'm sure it will give hope to many others once it hits the shelves.

I do agree that you can tighten your opening chapter...you really don't need so many student vignettes to show us enough about Roosevelt to care about his future and to read more of the novel. Plus, I think you should vary your sentence construction more, especially at the beginning.

But those are merely nits about what promises to be a beautiful and endearing story.

Shelved with the hopes that you'll make the Editor's Desk and find true happiness.

Cheers,
Sheryl
IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES (would love your honest feedback...more important than backing, although, of course, I'd love your backing, too.)

Hi Saby,

This is filled with emotions. It’s hard trying to get readers to connect with characters but you pulled it off. This is a nostalgic and moving tale. I can tell that a lot of heart went into writing the story.

The pacing was wonderful; it was an easy and enjoyable read. I felt the chemistry between Roosevelt and Sheila. Great characterisation and dialogue; it felt very natural. I don't usually read romance novel but yours is so convincing that it grabbed my attention.

This is a wonderful story and so far I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

Dear Saby,

Though the opening has lovely description, you might want to try for a more dramatic hook to draw in the reader. Suggestion: "The misspelling of "bess" was intentional. The banner above the elegant long …"

Good, strong description of Roosevelt. I love that you take the time to describe the people as you introduce them. This is a particular bugaboo of mine, and hooray, you handle it beautifully. "voice like a Mercedes" – fabulous. Funny, he was a fox of a man and the ladies meowed. The Afro as a cover for his big ears!

Suggest perhaps one paragraph too much on Bess before you launch into dialogue. As with the dialogue as well: yes, he saved the kid from shooting dice and a life of crime, but dialogue needs to work hard, be representative, spare and lean. (Like a stage set; one wall and a corner of a roof is all you need, rather than the entire house.)

Perhaps some of the his students' stories can be threaded into the story. Perhaps when he's having a chat with people (or ladies) in the Bahamas. Perhaps if he's thinking back to his school years. But loading all these tales about past students, that won't impact the plot, will cause readers to stray. Perhaps this opening chapter is the makings of another book, non-fiction, maybe short stories about the students that linger in your mind to this day.

This reader feels a little cheated that the seductive Sheila was introduced, ready to have an encounter with R. later than evening, and that R. didn't even consider it (former student notwithstanding). If that was his reasoning, then we needed to see him struggle and coming to that conclusion, rather than just omitting any reference to her until the next morning.

Hoping that in the ensuing chapters, we get on with a darn good story! That said, Roosevelt is a charming character – wishing the best for him and the book. Shelved.

This is a sweet story. I tell you, when I retire, I only hope that I have such a nice farewell or bon voyage. Bahamas for love - what a lucky man. Well, knowing what it's like to teach, I'm sure he earned it. As I read, I couldn't help but like Roosevelt Bess. Best of luck with this one. Shelved.

Hi, finally made it here. I have a long list of 'watchlist'...any in case, I am here reading.
This reads like a nice story and one I know I will want to read more. Your writing is easy as it flows well. I think I will back this book.

Hi, read a couple of chapters, I am behind on my WL so can't keep going but have shelved it. Nice gentle story about changes in life.
Barbara
(The Sea Pillow)

Hey there,

I take notes as I read so to start...shame shame ... give credit where it is due. Would you like someone to quote you without mentioning you?The Byrds, did Turn Turn Turn, but I'm not sure if it was written by Eric Clapton...check.

Okay, this is beautifully written. I've known men like Bess. They are a wonderful influence on the young. I guess that's was why I was drawn to this when I saw it. I love a great speech no matter how short. Really liked the motto: Good Better Bess.

There are some techie things like thoughts. Someone told me to use Italics with a full stop. few typos, we all have them. Right above, Capital "We don't know what.."

And for web reading it will help people read if you broke up your paragraphs. On the web it's easy to lose your place in very long paragraphs. Block writing also causes eye strain. Yes, I know regular writing says paragraphs are 8-10 sentences long. But I've web written for a long time. People would rather ditch than read chunks of sentences. You won't be penalized by the literary world for breaking them up.

I have shelved for a bit. Peace Out, Sangay

I'm wondering how when 'he saw another student and as he got close to the front' he realized it was Winfred. How did he know she was a student, not a parent, before he was close enough to recognize her. The last sentence of the Lacretia Fullilove paragraph is a bit unnecessary. I think the sentence before it implies that, but that's a matter of opinion. I like to try and allow the reader to do a bit of work in the read, not hand everything to them so easily. I remember a teen told me in a forum that she doesn't want to know everything. She wants to imagine some of it one her own. This example in your work may not be the right example for that tip, but maybe just say 'one never knows how long...' because the beginning of the sentence is a repeat of information. You also repeat his name when it isn't needed. Whenever possible, use 'he.'

Likewise the next sentence: There were so many of his former students present because Roosevelt had chosen to embrace his former students instead of forgetting them: the reader already knows this. Yeah...when I get to the story about the Rodgers and Dockett's families, that a bit much on the backstory. I'm already aware he's done so much for his students. I could appreciate that story later in the work, though. But that is only from my perspective. Always be willing to juxtapose your sentences, paragraphs, chapters, sub-stories, and weave the story, lay it out the reader in the most compelling form you can develop. You might think of it as an eight course meal or a fine meal. You'll want some meat, then a bit of pasta, then a vegetable, a sip of wine, some bread. You've written some nice tales, but you might pick and choose how to lay them out to the reader.

I would like to have seen a Master/Mistress of Ceremony give a speech, possibly even a student or two, before the continuation of backstory. Then the toasts. But this is a very promising work and I love what teachers give and the stories they have to share.

The second chapter, you start with information you needn't give the reader. One thing I learned when studying screenplay. Start the scene after the scene begins and end the scene before the scene is over. You don't need a start to finish. 'He had four weeks before the trip.' is a good place to start.

Another trick I use is to start with like the third paragraph. Imagine starting the chapter: Roosevelt's original 'six pack' of his youth had now turned into a small 'keg.' Three paragraphs in a row start with 'Roosevelt.' You've already told the reader he wanted to strengthen his muscles, so you can cut the sentence '(he) decided that he would start an exercise regimen. You can just say he decided to walk three miles a day....

I love that he's Native-American and African-American, too. Shelved.

I love the vivid description of the colors people are wearing. You mention African-American and Native-American in two consecutive sentences. You might combine the two: This was due to his African American and Cherokee heritage, as were his high cheek bones and curly soft silver hair. 'Some would say (that) he had a bedroom voice.' Some would say he had a bedroom voice. I think I like it without the 'that' but 'that's a matter of opinion. Do you mean his eyes were a soft haze(l) brown? Yeah...I'd do a 'find' edit of the manuscript for unnecessary 'that.' 'This serious look made people think (that) he was unapproachable and callous.'

I think you'll touch a lot of people with the description of this teacher. I'm thinking of my own choir teacher who was so stern he could run a five class study hall without a student uttering a single word. And he made us sing like angels. Again, the repetition of words in the paragraph describing his afro. You might even eliminate some sentences and combine others.

'Knowing (that) he made some of his student(s) (lives) better and some were living their best life made him fragile.' is a great sentence. 'They had taken his slogan to heart, (doing) good... typo there.

You told the punchline of the corporal punishment before you showed it. So, you should omit prior mention. There are 'that's in your dialogue, but you tell the story nicely. You might speak the dialogue aloud to see if it rings well with you.

"You've come (a) long way buddy," he said--typo.

I agree with Andrew W. that you might save a bit of backstory for later use in the work. I'll return to read more later.

Hi Saby: I've enjoyed the description in the first paragraph. It does need a bit of tightening to make it really sparkle. The thing I see is that some words are repeated (such as slate and refreshing), some description is repeated (as in the last two sentences). I see the opportunity to rid the work of some ings and extra words (as in 'the tropic-like weather was cooperating by sending...' You might edit this to Tropic-like weather cooperated, sending...). I enjoyed the description of the fountain of mist. Even without the tightening, this read well. I'll get back to you. Rachael (American Clique).

Hi Saby,

I loved your story! I cannot wait to read more. Good fortunes to you! Shelved.

Claudia

Saby, you create a believable character in Roosevelt. And Detroit is such a dynamic place and brings the story alive. I would caution you to review the number of times you use 'was'; it drags the story down. Try using active verbs especially in the first few chapters... Best wishes with your book.

Hello Saby,
I am intrigued by your story; The plot is original and your Roosevelt Bess is interesting and irresistable. I would like to meet such a man, they are few and far between. My main suggestion is that you have too many examples of his success with students. Two or three at the most would be best with mentions of others. without complete histories, as he walks around and sees people from his teaching past. Also, perhaps he could ruminate a bit about his own life as he moves through this great farewell, his origins, his parents, why he was named Roosevelt--not great detail but ittle revelations throughout the book--And if you have already done that, forgive me. I read only the first chapter as reading on the Internet is difficult for me.

Best of luck. I'll be back for more. I'm puttingyou amy watchlist.

Jan
THE COBRA AND THE MONGOOSE

So glad that I have been able to read this, I would have hated to let it go unnoticed. What a skillful writer you are.
You create cameos and add clever description which enhances the lines, 'the fragments arrived at the table before she did.' lovely. I only comment as a reader but there is one thing I noticed because I do this myself. Right at the beginning you use 'refreshing' twice in almost one line. Perhaps the second one would read better as 'cooling' or similar. Just a thought! It's a fine story well told with Roosevelt seemingly quite a charasmatic man. Good luck with this, on my shelf. Margaret.

A Teacher's Love Story

Hi Saby, I was intrigued by this, being a teacher myself, only 16 years in the job so far so Roosevelt still has a few years on me. The nostalgia, the sepia-like trip down memory lane is gloriously done, the party atmosphere is well described as is Roosevelt himself, what an interesting, three-dimensional and intriguing character he is. There are many things to commend your writing, the beautiful descriptions certainly one of them. The complexity of Roosevelt's character is, I'm sure, about to be revealed as we join him in the first few weeks of retirement.

My only suggestion would be if you were serious about getting this published to think very much about the amount of tell throughout chapter one. There is loads of backstory here, great for you as the author drawing the detail of your character together, but I am not sure we need to have all of that in one go. You need to hold some back, weave it into the narrative and I understand that this is a gentle, thoughtful and good news read - as deep and sombre perhaps as Roosevelt's own voice. But if you want to have a chance at publication you are going to need to ramp up the narrative drive a bit, most of us have been to high school reunions or retirement parties for old teachers so we know what they look like, a bit of specific stuff for old Roosevelt is great, but in my humble opinion your descriptions, beautiful though they are, go on too long.

I am going to back this because it deserves more exposure on Authonomy, you are a good writer with a gorgeous main character who seems as much in love with the words as the story and I think you might want to focus on the story through the words...I always give honest reviews, always try to give something that might be helpful. I think you are a talented writer with a lovely, beautiful idea and fantastic main character and premise, I think you just need an editor... best wishes, best of luck - Andrew W.

I had a teacher just like Mr. Bess! Of course he never gave us corporal punishment but before every math test he'd play the song EYE OF THE TIGER! Seriously I loved the beginning of this! I love meeting all of his students. Laughed out loud at the gang Willie now belongs too. Thought the mention of the only students he remembers are the very good students and the very bad ones. I love the dialogue and the descriptions of what the room looks like for his part, the tent, and the description of Bess himself . . . splendid. I would suggest only one thing. You have very long paragraphs that I feel would better suit you, and the reader, if they were divided into two paragraphs. The reason I say this is because today's reader has a very short attention span and can sometimes be intimidated by long and drawn out paragraphs. I'm not saying cut anything. I'm saying break it up into smaller sections so that the reader is encouraged to read on. Long paragraphs make a reader want to skim and your writing is way too good to have someone skim. I wish you the best with this. It's really wonderful.

Shelved.

Rachel May
Going Twice

Very good writing , good command of English. No reader will have difficulty with this. I was both relaxed and entertained. Story has direction that kept me glued, which was done very well. This book can open the eyes of many who ,,lets say havn't been around, and for that you are shelved. Marco

Hi Saby,
I really enjoyed reading your book. This is something I haven't really read about before so I'm glad I stopped by. Roosevelt is an endearing character, I liked him immediately - you portray him really well as a Math teacher with everything cut and dried. So, I was rooting for him, knowing that he was about to see that life has grey areas. This is well written and the story moves along at a good pace. I am keen to read more and see how the story unfolds. In the meanwhile, I have shelved it.
Best wishes,
Annabelle
(Would love your thoughts on Adelaide if you can ;-))

TEACHER'S LOVE STORY (Saby Stone)
Described as Fiction, one has to wonder to what extent there is an autobiographical tinge to this book, a well-written kind of Mister Chips meet September Song.
Sympathetic readers will enjoy it, and so backed.
mch